How self-belief can make or break you

do you ever wonder if the biggest obstacle in between you and your goals is the way that you think well what if bro if your first reaction is to ignore such a Cheesy question you are not alone because that was mine as well and yes I was also cynical the first time I heard the term limiting beliefs but when I learned it just meant the stories that we tell ourselves you know good stories like Oh I'm a clean person I'm not a smoker or bad stories like I'm bad with money then I got curious so the more I look into this the more I realize that people throughout human history have been wrestling with this from humanitarians to scientists to philosophers and now a not so great mind your boy is gonna tell you what I have learned and a huge thanks to short form for sponsoring this video but more on them and why they're relevant later limiting beliefs let's freaking go earlier this year I was asked to do a live performance and I had this thought that immediately came up which sounded pretty much like this my brother you were gonna bomb everybody will hate you on the stage just don't even do it when I was 14 I wanted to be a comedian and because I played guitar I figured that comedy songs would be one of my points of difference so I wrote in a maid of mine who was just as nerdy as I was and we started putting together some songs all we needed now was an audience so we decided to audition for this battle of the bands and we got in oh man that was exciting the judges thought their acoustic guitar comedy song would be a refreshing break which I remember clocking as a bit of a weird turn of phrase but on the night of the concert it all made sense all of the other bands were playing distorted loud Mosh Pit inducing rock rock the teachers who were supervising were trying to offset this I guess by handing out earplugs at the door as if teenagers would use them so there we are backstage the band before us finishes the crowd is screaming the band was super loud super heavy and then we get up ready to be that refreshing break we start doing our musical comedy routine accompanied by a single acoustic guitar and as you can imagine this definitely did not suit the vibe the merch pit got angry real Angry the crowd started booing out of us and we didn't really know what to do so we just kept playing then someone in the crowd had this bright idea they took out those earplugs that they weren't using and decided to throw them at us this caught on like wildfire and so there we are playing this song that we were so excited to perform while hundreds of booing people throw earplugs at us by the end of our song The Crowd was laughing but not for the right reason and in that moment my dream of Performing comedy live on stage died laughs oh gosh so now it's 2022 and I'm being asked to perform on stage and that has come up for me I guess I had this story which was if you're on stage everybody's gonna boo you and throw earplugs at you and I'm like gotta go to do something about that you know so because I'm a huge freaking nerd I decided to take a look at the research the novelist Marilyn Robinson once wrote we all have a mean little myth about ourselves and she's backed up by other smart people this guy Gerald zoltman of Harvard Business School theorized that 95 of all thought emotion and learning occurs in the unconscious mind that is without our conscious awareness so it makes sense that after a lifetime of believing a mean little myth about yourself that it can be pretty hard to unravel but the thing that really took me by surprise is just how quickly these beliefs can form now a bit of a Content warning this next section talks about suicide notes so if you don't want to hear about that just skip to this time code here imagine that you were shown two suicide notes and you were told that one of them is real and one is fake how well do you reckon you can tell which one is which that question was asked by three researchers in 1975. they asked all these students to take part in an experiment and what they did was they gave them 25 pairs of suicide notes and they said in every pair one of the notes is real and one of them is fake we just want you to tell us which one is which at the end of the test some of the students did really well and they found out that they were just naturally gifted at this they got like 24 out of 25 but other students found out that this probably wasn't their thing they were told that out of the 25 they only got 10 or less but surprise surprise yes these scores were fake but where things get really interesting is that this fact was then revealed to the students the researchers told them all that the scores were fake they said that the real experiment was about seeing their reactions now that the students thought the experiment was over the researchers asked them how many do you actually think that you got right now here's where things get cool so the students who were told that they had a high score would still estimate that their real score or was high meanwhile the students who were told that they had scored poorly who were then told that that poor score was fake started guessing that their real score would be low as well so what does this experiment mean you've got a bunch of students each probably just as capable as the person next to them all separated by one thing what they believed about themselves so imagine there's a job going a super unique one for a fraudulent document authenticator who do you think's going to apply the people who were told that they were good at it but the people who were told that they were bad at it even though they had no evidence aren't even going to apply and this has so many sad and heartbreaking implications but in the name of gravity I'm just gonna I don't know quite Gandhi we often become what we believe ourselves to be if I believe I cannot do something it makes me incapable of doing it [Music] so the thing that blew my mind when I came across this research was that once upon a time these stories would have helped me you know me thinking about turning down these stage offers because on some level I'm like everyone's gonna Boo and throw earplugs at you you don't want that pain again and I came across this cute little metaphor which I think illustrates it best imagine you're in the jungle and you're traveling to some ruins you get to this huge Lake and across it you build a canoe with that canoe you row across the lake and it has helped you massively then you get to the other side of the lake to continue your Expedition on foot the problem is you decide to bring your canoe with you this makes your journey way harder than it needs to be but you stay loyal to your canoe painstakingly dragging it through dirt and over tree roots you can see what's going on right yeah that thing that helped you in the past is now weighing you down the correct course of action as you can imagine is to ditch the canoe so much easier when it's an actual canoe and not this mental residue from childhood but the moral is clear yeah they're limiting beliefs now but once upon a time there were stories that helped us maybe you were getting bullied at school so you decided you know what I'm shy I'm not a people person I don't want to stand out that story helped you not get bullied believing that you had to make everybody around you happy before you served yourself that might have helped you when you had a volatile parent but for a lot of us we are no longer in that Lake and these cognitive canoes that we're dragging around they are just holding us back now standing out and not being shy or saying no to people who are intimidating maybe these are qualities you want in your life now but the stories that we have learned are holding us back so what do we do what do we do about it well to figure that out as well as some of the other research in this video I use something called short form hello yes it is time for the ad but no this isn't just some random product this is for something that I actually think is extremely cool it is for short form which at its core is condensed books great because we don't have enough time to read them all I love condensed information I think it's great after a chapter or an idea is presented they'll have these little journaling moments or these moments to reflect when they'll ask you some questions they'll give you a little box to write in it I haven't seen an integration like this and I think it's really clever I just love that combination of reading and then actively reflecting that's right I genuinely use and really love this app and I'm stoked that they are sponsoring the channel they have a great range of books like can't hurt me by David Goggins which helped a lot with this video they've got books that really change the way I think like daring greatly by Renee Brown the almanac of Naval ravacon and Robert persig Zen and the other Motorcycle Maintenance yup they've got new books and articles every week and if you're a subscriber you will get to vote on what comes next and if reading isn't your thing they've got an audio version too so if you are curious I have a link short form.com streathless and this will give you five days free of short form so you can trial whether or not you like it if you don't like it that's all chill but if you do like it they will then give you a discounted annual subscription and I don't know enjoy and enjoy the books man but yes short form condensed books bunch of actionables I am genuinely very impressed by it alrighty back to limiting beliefs the method so there are two main things that I want to talk about the first is Socratic questioning and the second is because statements let's start with the questions as you can imagine questioning these beliefs is something that happens a lot in your own head and thankfully there are some pretty good Frameworks to do this so the best one that I've found is these three Socratic questions whenever one of these beliefs pops up for you ask yourself this what is the evidence for this thought could I be making any assumptions here is this thought based on an emotional reaction or the evidence in front of me so to use myself as an example just to illustrate this when I was freaking out at this stage offer when I was sure that I would bomb I was thinking is there any evidence for this I mean technically no could I be making assumptions yes is this thought an emotional reaction or based on evidence probably the first one you get the idea story noticed so that is Socratic questioning and I really like this because it sort of starts you on the path but in terms of actually trying to embody the beliefs this is one that I got from my business partner Aaron what you're doing is you are building a case for the opposite of your limiting belief you're building a case that you're a pretty cool person so these are called because statements and they're journaling exercise here's how it goes so you take the belief that you're challenging in mine it was I will be confident relaxed and welcomed on stage something like that then you add the word because this doesn't have to be formal you can just do this in your notes app what you do each day is you finish that sentence in a new way so I will be confident on stage because I am a confident person and the next day I'll be confident on stage because my co-host is a professional I will be confident on stage because I handle adrenaline well you know and this obviously doesn't have to be limited to one sentence you could try Five Dot points a day do whatever you know expand on them the main thing is consistency keep reinforcing it yeah yay now for some people or even just for some smaller stories these changes can be incremental they can be small things but for other people who are more entrenched in I guess terrible brain Town these changes can be monumental probably the most extreme example of someone overcoming their limiting beliefs that I have ever come across is the life story of this guy and I guess he's kind of polarizing he's definitely not for everybody but his story when it comes to self-talk is too unique to ignore I'm of course talking about David Goggins if you know who he is he needs no introduction if you don't know who he is you're about to find out whatever you think about me take it whatever I'm here that's guidance to truly understand gobins we have to start with honestly how shitty his life was his upbringing was incredibly turbulent he had an abusive dad his stepfather was murdered he was raised largely by his single mum on next to no money he moved around a lot and experienced constant racism as he got older he understandably felt like he wasn't worth too much I viewed myself as the weakest person on the planet Earth and so in line with this type of belief he made his life decisions accordingly he became a pest control guy earning next to no money he was fairly reclusive super unfit or in his words a 300 pound guy praying for cockroaches but the reason that I'm telling his story is because it didn't stay like this there has to be more to this this can't be it there was this pilot light within him that wanted to be better but it wouldn't light properly until one day he saw some Navy Seals training on TV and he thought man I I am not that I am definitely not that my mind's saying all this [ __ ] to me is saying get out of here we're not good enough it starts telling you all these things you start to believe it because the mind controls all this is the time where you have to gain control back of your mind he hits that beautiful point the point where you say enough is enough he decides to make a change and take action and so he goes for a run what does this thing appear that just makes me feel so pathetic and weak and insignificant and dumb and so stupid and everything I gotta get in control of this thing you want to know how far he ran like a quarter mile like half a kilometer his body was unfit so he had to stop but he didn't give up so this is a bit of a turning point in his life and he uses this fixed deadline to motivate him he wants to become a Navy SEAL my goal in life was to in my mind believe I'm the hardest man alive unfortunately for him he is definitely not in the mental or physical shape to do this but over the next three months he transformed himself yes this is the rocky Montage over the next years he'd do three hell weeks become a Navy SEAL conquer his lifelong fear of water get like stupid ripped and then as if that's not enough he became an endurance athlete like the 100 mile race I was on we ran it for 24 hours I found myself on the other end of that [ __ ] race this man for an eight-weight period literally ran an ultra marathon every weekend to put this in perspective Ultra marathons can be things like 100 miles which is 160 K's and I'm not saying this to Guilt Trip anybody by the way you know those stories that are like so what are you complaining about Boko come on you run your Ultra that's definitely not what this is and he even says that himself if that makes you feel good that's great it didn't make me feel good do whatever you want man like you want to chill chill the reason that I'm telling this story is because he is an example of what happens when you take the limits away which I think makes a lot of us ask that question what would happen if I took my limits away I believe that most human beings are only living at about 40 percent of their capability and like I said at the start I know he's a polarizing guy but I really like this aspect of him specifically I like that he articulated his strategies they were honesty and self-talk so self-talk is really cool because it's using the thing that got you in this mess against itself the the most important conversation is the one you have with yourself whether you're good or bad you wake up with it you walk around with it you go to bed with it eventually you're going to act on it and honesty is brilliant because this is the thing that allows you to properly audit and confront the reality of your life if you're not real and raw with who the [ __ ] you are nothing's going to change using these two things he built a new narrative and then he created evidence to support that narrative what am I going to do today to change what I see in this mirror so when he was calling himself an athlete he would go and do things that were athletic life is one big head game and once you learn to play the [ __ ] head game it's no longer a game at all in his astronomical bestseller Atomic habits James Clear mentions this idea of casting a vote in the direction of the identity that you want once we've articulated our limiting belief we know that this is the identity that we don't want but what's cool is once we articulate the identity that we do want and the beliefs that we would like in our head we can actually cast a vote by acting as if we are already that person Goggins took this to the absolute extreme and I took this to like down the road just kind of like a mediocre version but there I am and I've just been asked to perform in front of not one not two but 750 people holy [ __ ] biggest creativity Festival in the southern hemisphere the whole hemisphere apparently it's true so for context I create comedy with this guy Bryce Mills we have a philosophical comedy podcast together where we discuss the internet and Screen addiction and because of this we were asked to create an original Live Comedy Show for this Festival so we wrote it and I was quite confident with that part but the actual getting on stage thing I just saw earpie plugs I just saw ear plugs you know what I mean it all just came back to me and I was like they're gonna boo they're gonna boo they might not have earplugs but maybe they'll throw shoes Bryce what if they throw shoes and I said if we do bomb can we establish a safety word so I know that you can help me out on stage like maybe I accidentally mentioned bananas and then you come to my rescue because I'll be bombing and Bryce looked at me in the eye and he just goes dude Dade we don't need one and that was a powerful powerful moment for me so we go on stage cool as cucumbers and we did our thing [Music] actually worked I didn't bomb we actually made people laugh quite a lot that was awesome and me being me whenever I do have these moments that sort of challenge me I'm like how can I take this further you know let's keep playing so Bryce and I decided to book a national tour push our hands quick show of big muscly hands we got any Alphas in the audience tonight oh [Music] this whole life film this comedian destroys alpha male it's my favorite thing about this traffic crowd like what one of my friends was filming outside and I was like Jesus Christ these people are trendy but that's why you know No One's Gonna stick their hand up for the alpha because we all got bullied to [ __ ] high school and we are Midway through that tour we've done a big theater in Sydney a big theater in Melbourne three more to go and the two that we have done have been sold out shows and they have been just a riot just a freaking Riot I think I've woken something in me I think I really quite like being on stage I like doing Live Comedy it's been I mean it took me a lot of years to unpack but here we are so that's what's I guess on the other side of limiting beliefs if you can push through it's been beautiful thank you so much for watching I hope you enjoyed that I hope you got some value out of it let me know what you thought in the comments if you're new do subscribe also if you really like this Vibe I wrote a book which is all about mental Clarity also I have a members Channel where I'm doing Q and A's and once again a huge thank you to short form check them out there is a link in the freaking description alrighty gotcha thank you

Channel: struthless

Views: 343,097

Keywords: limiting beliefs, limiting beliefs removal, limiting belief, the stories we tell ourselves, david goggins, how to get out of your own way, stories we tell ourselves, stories we tell ourselves brene brown, self talk, self talk affirmations, david goggins motivation, david goggins story, david goggins podcast, david goggins taking souls, self belief, self belief motivation, narrative, narrative therapy, narrative story, philosophy video essay, metaphor, your head is a houseboat

Id: k13gSzBzoAU

Length: 18min 33sec (1113 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 13 2022