How do you Know Someone VALUES YOU | Stephanie Lyn Coaching 2021

hey guys welcome back thanks for joining me for another video this week i want to get into what does it mean when someone values you i think so often we go into relationships and we don't really have a clear understanding as how it should look what it should feel like when someone really respects and values and appreciates you so let's get into it now like always before we do get into this week's video if you have not already subscribed to my channel don't forget to click on the subscribe button down below and click on post notifications that will inform you each week when i do upload a new video with brand new topics so you guys don't miss out now let's get into this so there's definitely some key things and i want to make sure that i kind of hit all the points that way you really understand what does it mean when someone values you now whether this is a new relationship or quite frankly even a long-term relationship you still have to be very self-aware as just how someone is treating you behaving around you are you growing and you know learning about your past healing from your wounds so often i talk to people that are in relationships and they're doing all this great work on themselves and their partner isn't and i think sometimes it can get really sticky in those situations because if you start growing and you're taking responsibility for yourself and you're managing those emotional triggers and things like that and the other person is not doing that kind of work you might hit a point in your relationship where you're kind of stumped in or you might start seeing things in the relationship that you didn't see before so that's why i want to get into this because now you will fully understand what does it mean when someone values you and what does it mean when someone doesn't do these things okay so the very first thing is this person is not trying to change you so when someone's trying to change another person whether they feel like they're doing it for their best interest or if they're just manipulative and abusive and they're looking to control at the end of the day that is the key word control so someone that's trying to change you is essentially trying to control you they think they know what's best for you they're not allowing you to go on this journey of life and go through all the ups and downs that you need to go on so you can learn the lessons that you need to learn the other reason is if you think about it if i'm healthy it's not my job to try to change you it's not my job to try to get you to see what i think you should do i have to just be able to respect you and understand that this is your life journey i'm in your life but it's your journey to go through and experience what you need to experience and i'm here just as your partner in life just as your friend in life just as your sister in life in order to help you along the way guide you here and there but again i have to be good to go and secure in my own self to let you do that by yourself and have and me just be the kind of support system for you not the leader of the show like it's it's my job to take control of the situation and get you to see that you're wrong and get you to change and and all of those things my only job is to if i'm feeling disrespected or if something doesn't feel right for me just set of course firm boundaries and enforce my standards but it's not my job to try to put you into a category of what i think you should be so this is another sign that this person values you this person is kind and what i mean by that is i'm very big on when you're thinking about especially in romantic relationships when you're thinking about the qualities of a person that you're trying to attract i want this person to be kind i want them to be sweet i want them to be loving i want you to understand what those words mean and for me someone who's kind is not just kind to me they're kind to others so this person is not judgmental they're not constantly talking about other people or gossiping about other people they don't feel as though that they're above anyone else they understand that they're an equal level playing field so they're not egotistical they're not controlling they're a kind-hearted soul they're a gentle soul they see someone who's struggling and want to help them for good reasons not for their own reasons of possibly feeding that ego inside i've seen so many people in life who do great work for other people but they do it to a level where it becomes too much where you realize wow you're actually not doing it for the right reasons you're just doing it for the recognition or you're doing it for how it's going to make everyone else view you you're not doing it from coming from a heart space of actually connecting to another person and that could be more of that narcissistic personality so the next thing is this person makes your relationship a priority this is not a situation where you feel like you're always doing all of the work you are a priority in this person's life so that means that they're going to do things even when it's not easy for them they're going to do things even when at times they don't want to they're going to put and they're going to find balance with that but they're you're going to always feels as though you are a priority in this person's life you're not second fiddle this is a really huge one when this person values you when you get into a disagreement they know how to have self-control they know how to not go too far to say something or do something that they know would either hurt you or hinder your relationship with this person so they know when to stop and and kind of take a step back so they can recollect their thoughts or their feelings or their emotions they fully own that stuff so they don't go too far with something a person that is very reactive doesn't really value you or themselves quite frankly because the ability to really own that means that i value myself enough also to not let myself go from 0 to 60. i don't want to be in that energetic state i don't want to say something also that i'm going to regret regret i don't want to feel those feelings that i'll end up feeling which is guilt and shame so i'm going to be self-aware that i'm going too far these are my feelings i need to own them and being able to say you know what we need to break away from this i need a break or just letting that other person know that it's getting a little bit too heated now and they need a moment that ability to be that type of a person see because here's the thing in order of course they don't want to hurt you because they value and they don't want to do anything or say anything to ruin what it is that you guys have whether it's friendship romantic relationship etc but they also don't want to be that person they don't want to be that guy or girl that like becomes erratic does something or says something that's completely out of their character just because they're emotionally charged they are emotionally mature enough to be able to hold on to their emotions their emotions regardless of the situation that's a grown-up that's one that values you and that's the one that actually respects themself a really huge quality and it goes both ways for men and women but i think the way i'm going to probably explain this is probably for the women out there just because i am a woman but they support you they wholeheartedly support you when you need this person this person is there they do not judge you they support any endeavor career choice hobby wanting to lose weight they are 100 your biggest cheerleader i feel like in this day and age women are very independent and they have to learn how to balance that kind of masculine side and feminine side and especially when you've been in relationships where you've been disappointed you have faced abandonment it is hard and you've always taken the world on your shoulders because maybe that's just what's happened in your life experience is that you had no choice but to survive in that way you start to play a tape that says i have to do this all on my own and when someone really values you they don't want you to do it on your own and quite frankly you know you don't want to do it on your own either you've just been programmed and trained to be that type of a person that says all i can count is myself so i have to carry this load all the time and like i said this person doesn't want you carrying that load ever again by yourself now a strong woman in that sense to be even stronger is to let that load go and give it to someone else at times and let someone else come in and help you and support you in the ways that you know you really want but you're scared to let that guard down and let that vulnerability come through and here's the thing is strong people need strong partners a strong woman can only work with a strong man he has to be able to be sensitive and empathetic to what it is that she's been through in order for him to build trust with her to then take that load off of her okay so the next thing it kind of ties into that last point is he's not going to break your heart so will people fall out of love from time to time yeah those things happen do people grow apart yep that happens as well but he will never do anything to you that he knows would cause real harm to you so there's going to be no cheating there's going to be no lying there's no there's not going to be anything that he he or she knows that there's no selfishness essentially they are always going to think about their ramifications before they do something they're going to be a grown-up and they're going to have difficult conversations and they're going to end relationships in the right way so when someone cheats and when someone lies that's just a little boy or a little girl it's someone who is probably doesn't even know the wounds that are going on inside of them and unfortunately because they're unable to deal with what it is that they're really feeling and really experiencing it then kind of manifests in other ways which is jumping ship so rather than kind of owning their stuff and saying you know what i'm going to take responsibility for myself because think about it a healthy person someone who is healthy is going to value the person that they were just in a relationship with they're not going to do anything that is just selfish or they're not going to do anything that's cowardly that kind of avoids them digging into their own self to figure out what's going on inside of them that would make them jump ship or lie or do something that would hurt you they're going to own that stuff and be able to have adult conversations they're going to be able to handle themselves emotionally and mentally in the best way that they know how in order to make sure that it doesn't hurt you something that i think is really important and i don't think a lot of people really put emphasis on this is someone that really respects you and values you and loves you is going to always listen no matter how exhausted they are no matter how many times they don't want to talk about it anymore something that you're going through or experiencing they're always going to have an ear because they're your friend at the end of the day and they're concerned and they love you and they value you and they don't want you to keep going around this hamster wheel with whatever it is that you're doing or struggling with or feeling or thinking and so you're always going to have that person there a person that's mature is always going to have the time for a conversation even when they don't really want to have it and especially when it has to do with them again this person's going to be able to hold on to themselves they've worked on themselves enough that that ego isn't at the forefront where they can't hear what you're saying they have a lot of empathy so they can put themselves in your shoes regardless of how they feel and at least validate those feelings that you're having and you guys are going to be able to compromise and work together so you can come to an understanding on things regarding your own relationship regarding outside stuff a person that doesn't value you and is probably in the relationship for the wrong reasons they're not going to have the time they're going to think you're too much they're going to think you're obsessing about something they're not going to be gentle they're not going to be kind they're not going to be patient with you and the last thing and for me as a woman this is very important because there are certain roles that we do carry now we both have masculine energy and feminine energy and there are times where the woman needs to show up for the man in certain ways and stand up for him and be that rock for him and vice versa but this person values you in the sense that i think this kind of just like summarizes it is this person wants to protect you right like we talked so much about how this person doesn't want to hurt you this person would never make you suffer this person wants to help this person wants to be supportive um i think that level of protectiveness that this person has over you like when you think of like a big brother to a little sister a dad to a little girl even like a mom to a son it's the same thing it's just genders that were you know that we have that are different but for the most part this person is your protector this is more than your cheerleader this is i don't want you to go through anything difficult i don't want you to face this alone you're not facing it alone and i'm here to help you as much as i possibly can and protect you and do that in a healthy way i think a balance in relationships is understanding when you are loving someone and when you're doing it for the wrong reasons when you're going too far with helping where you need to let this person fall and stand on their own two feet and and that you can't force them to learn these lessons if they don't want to learn it so a huge part of the protectiveness is you feeling safe around this person you feeling safe to be you to say what you need to say to think what you need to think that you're not too much that that this person's not going to leave just because you're going through something right now or that you failed at something they're always there for you because they see who you are they see you when someone really values you they've connected to that heart space with you now we're dealing with like real soul deep connection where we can see each other and we can see past a lot of the bs right we can see past that ego we can see past those wounds again the balance in this is and i think a lot of empaths and highly sensitive people struggle with this is so often they get linked up in relationships because they quickly see past the dysfunction and that's not what this is about it's not about seeing past dysfunction it's about seeing past the little stuff that doesn't that isn't at the forefront of like abuse especially as a woman when we think of the protector we think of like a man a man's man like a man that comes in and saves the day in only the ways that a man knows how to same thing with a woman to a man and what she brings to the table is what that man really values and most often it's going to be a balance between both things we all need both energies so when the woman comes in to protect the man in that sense maybe it's the nurturing stuff the emotional stuff the supportive stuff or maybe she comes in and handles business because she knows how to right maybe she's a great business woman and she can come in and like take charge of that meeting um and vice versa we both want each other to play both roles i think sometimes depending on the gender or which energy you lead with the most you're going to want the opposite sometimes from that person because that's what you lead with the most so if you lead with a lot of masculine energy you're going to want that protectiveness in that feminine energy in that way more than the woman coming in and saving the day and taking control of that meeting and doing everything that you know you used to do she's doing in that moment but there are going to be times where you're going to need her to do those things but majority of the time i think you're always searching for the energy level that you don't lead with in the other person and in that sense you feel protected so hope you guys have enjoyed this video i hope you got a really good understanding as what does it mean when someone really values you when someone really respects you and and even a little bit of an understanding of healthy dynamics and healthy relationships i think it's a great to educate yourself on this stuff so often i talk to clients and they have absolutely no idea what does it mean when someone values values me what does it mean to be in a healthy relationship and so now you can have your 101 guide to healthy relationships right here so i hope you guys have enjoyed don't forget to click down below for any of my courses or to do private coaching with me and i'll see you next week

Channel: Stephanie Lyn Coaching

Views: 44,632

Keywords: does someone value you, self respect, create self worth, create self love, how to get someone, how to get someone to like you

Id: 0Nf0dBQxAMc

Length: 16min 57sec (1017 seconds)

Published: Tue Oct 05 2021