- But you can see how people cherish talking about what somebody
did or failed to do, and then he did.
(mumbling) They talk about again and again and feel more and more aggrieved. (bell rings) And again, it comes back to the state
of connectedness with being, it's only from that state of connectedness with a deeper dimension of who you are. From there, it becomes easier to forgive because forgive means there was something that was done on the level of form by one life form to you,
perhaps another life form, pain was inflicted, or whatever it may be, whatever the transgression is. And it's only from there that you can see the relative
nature of what was done because you are in touch
with a space within you that was never hurt by that. That dimension in you is
beyond what can be injured. It's only, the form can be injured. The psychological form, somebody might have insulted you deeply, the psychological form of
who you are can feel pain, or the physical form of
who you are can feel pain. And somebody inflicted that
out of unconsciousness. Then recognizing the
first step in forgiving is to recognize that this was
an act of unconsciousness, and you do not equate what this person did with who that person is. And it's only from the place
of connectedness with being that you can say no longer
hold a grievance about that because you are in touch
with that inside you, that is beyond what can be injured. If you're not in touch with that space, it's hard to forgive. Forgiving means not to harbor
grievance or resentment or any negative feeling about it. And really that's only
possible when you are connected with the formless in yourself. 'Cause in miracle says,
"Nothing real can be threatened, nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God." Nothing real can be threatened, this means what is ultimately
real cannot be threatened, but what is ultimately
real is not the form, it's that which is deeper than the form that cannot be threatened. Nothing real can be threatened, nothing unreal ultimately
exists, it just seems to. Herein lies the peace of God means in the knowing of
that lies the peace of God. But it needs to be the,
not conceptual knowing, but knowing on the level
of the depth of your being. And then from there you can look at anything
anybody did to you and say, "It's almost as if it didn't happen." For a while, for example, I harbored
grievances against my father for many years because he suffered from enormous amount of bottled up anger and living with him as a child was like living with a powder cake or an unexploded bomb
somewhere in the house. And everyone knew that at any moment the slightest thing somebody said and usually it was my mother, the slightest thing somebody said, and this bomb would explode and the entire house would be filled with destructive energy. (imitates outburst) And for a sensitive child
or any child is sensitive, young child, it's a terrible thing to live in constant anguish, any explosion could happen at any moment whenever he's in the house. So I had the ambivalent feelings of fearing his return home after work and wanting him to come home, (chuckles)
divide it. And that was expressed once in a dream that I had as a child. And in the dream, I had cut my
father up into little pieces and put in a plastic or some kind of sack and hid him under the bed. And after I had done that in the dream, my father arrived home and
I greeted him and loved him. (laughing) And of course, all this resulted, even after when I was an
adult, already resulted in quite a bit of grievance towards him because my childhood was fearful
and unpleasant as a result. And it was only when a
transformation happened inside me and there was suddenly
that deep inner peace that I realized he did what he did according to the way in which
life had conditioned him. When he was a child,
he had enormous amount of resentment against
his family because of, and of course the story
can go on many generations. He was the seventh child, his father died when he was 15. And they took him out of the school, they had to pay for
school, boarding school, they took him out of boarding
school because they said, "We can't afford it anymore." But his sisters were still
kept in boarding school. And then he had to do
menial jobs and every day, his anger was growing
and growing and growing. He carried it around the rest of his life. There was not enough consciousness in him to disidentify from the anger he was, the anger was using him, it
lived in him as an energy field and he could come up anytime, he was as much a victim as I was. And I saw that after I had
gone through the transformation and found inner peace, I could see that he was a victim of his own circumstances. There was not enough consciousness in him to see what he was doing. And immediately forgiveness happened. I didn't even have to say,
"I have to try to forgive." He never did, it was as if he had
never done anything to me because basically he hadn't,
he wasn't even there, it was only the unconsciousness
in him acting up. And then as he grew older,
some of that anger dissipated, remnants of it remained. He also came into touch with
some spiritual teachings, especially "The Power of Now" (crowd laughing)
that helped to some extent. And so his ego grew less,
didn't quite disappear, but it grew less, which when I was a child,
his ego was gigantic and it was continuously fueled by anger, and an angry ego is something, it's the incredible Hulk that's. (crowd laughing) And that, so forgiveness
happened naturally, and very often you see that
when an injury happens, very often, there's a mental
judgment of a situation. And actually beyond that mental judgment, not that much happened. Let's take a simple example, you arrange to meet somebody
or somebody, he says, "I'm going to help you with your moving. I'm going to help you move house. I'll be there at five o'clock
to help you move with my car." And he doesn't turn up. And that just is as it is. Now your mind, then mind
then comes in and says, "He let me down." Or "He betrayed me", or "He was", whatever the judgment of the mind is. And very often, it is the
judgment of the situation that creates the emotion
that feels injured. If you can just be with
or he said he would come, but he didn't turn up. That's the fact. Whatever your mind wants to add to it gives you the sense of injury
and strengthens the ego. So if you can just be with the pure facts, this is why all that stuff,
when talking about other people, what they failed to do or what
they did, what he did to me, he betrayed me. Well, what did he do? Well, he went off with another
woman or man, he betrayed me. Betrayed me is an interpretation, and the more you have that
thought that he betrayed me, the more you feel the emotion
that goes with that thought and you feel, and who is
it that feels that emotion? The ego itself feels betrayed because who you deeply are,
who you are and your essence doesn't feel betrayed. The fact is he went
off with another woman. That's what he did. Is that all? Yeah, that's what he did. If you refrain from adding a story to it, then you don't experience the, this may not be, this comes easy when you are connected
with who you truly are, then it is easy to let go of the unnecessary imposition
of stories upon events. The event is neutral, the story interpretation of it
is what creates the anguish. (chuckles) And so if you can just be with what is, but you can see how people cherish talking about what somebody
did or failed to do. And then he did, they talk about again and again and feel more and more
aggrieved in who they are. Nothing really happened. He didn't turn up, he didn't return the
money that I lent him. I lent him the money, but
he hasn't paid it back yet. That's the fact of it. He is dishonest. Well, you don't need that. He did something to me, he defrauded me. Mr. Madoff did it. (crowd laughing) Yes, a deeply unconscious person. I wonder what he's doing now. He's sitting in his prison cell, and many, many people
have not forgiven him. (chuckles) Interesting position to be in, to have aggrieved so many people and created so much anguish
and suffering in humans. But for every single one of them beyond their financial loss, they have their own lesson to learn. He has his lesson to learn. And life has given you, if
you lost money with Mr. Madoff or whoever else, that is,
yes, you lost that money but there is a deeper lesson
you can learn in any loss, any loss is of course, one lesson is of course,
don't invest with him again. (crowd laughing)
That's understood. Or anybody else like
that, that's understood, that's easy to know. But beyond that, there's
a deeper lesson to learn, and that is any lesson that
comes with any kind of loss, any kind of loss is a potential
opening into the formless because what you lose is
something on the level of form, whether it's money or reputation or some possession or even
an ability to do something, and suddenly you can't do it anymore. Any kind of loss is a
loss on the level of form. (water gushing)
