Breakups suck. You have no appetite but somehow you can’t stop eating. You can’t sleep but you can’t get out
of bed. Your sadness is piled as high as the dishes
in your sink. The one person that you’d normally rely
on when you feel like this can’t help you because they dumped you! But I’m going to tell you a little secret
(that you already read in the video title) that will turn things around for you. This breakup could be the best thing that
ever happened to your relationship. I promise you, it’ll make sense in just
a minute. Hi, I’m Jessica Boss. You probably know me from my other videos
about how to get back together with your ex. If this is your first time on my channel,
welcome. I’m a relationship coach and breakup guru. I specialize in helping people get back together
and stay together for good. The world can be a lonely place and I think
that if you’ve found someone you love, you should do all you can to fight for them. So, on to the topic at hand. I know what you’re probably thinking: “Breaking
up is what I’m trying to avoid. How can it be a good thing?” “You’re crazy Jessica. You’ve finally lost it.” I may be crazy but I promise you that it’s
true: breaking up can save your relationship, and I’m going to prove it. With science! First off, breakups aren’t the end for many
relationships. According to a 2013 study by Kansas State
University: “Given previous research on the risks associated
with cycling in adult dating relationships the frequency with which cyclical dating relationships
persist into cohabitation and marriage, the characteristics of these relationships, and
the constraints associated with cycling during these stages using a nationally representative
sample of cohabiting (n = 323) and married (n = 752) couples. The takeaway is:
One in three couples who live together have broken up and got back together
Nearly half of people aged 17-24 have returned to an ex after breaking up I like those odds. So why do these couples reconcile? And how can breaking up help you stay together
in the long run? Number One: Breaking up forces you to face
your problems A relationship is like a frog in a pot of
hot water. I know, I know but it makes sense, trust me. If you put a frog in a pot of boiling water,
it will feel pain and jump out immediately. But put a frog into a pot of room temperature
water and then slowly raise the temperature, the frog won’t notice until it’s cooked
and ready to eat. Yum. Some couples just keep sweeping problems under
the rug. This causes tensions to rise slowly until
the relationship reaches a crisis. But a breakup can be the jolt of boiling hot
water that will wake you up and make you change your situation. And like that hot little guy, your relationship
can escape, charred, but alive, to fight another day. Number two: The time apart will make you stronger
people I’m always saying that independence is key
to a happy relationship. Often couples get into trouble, and then break
up, because they rely too much on each other for happiness. The idea that you NEED your partner to be
happy can be really damaging. This carries with it the silent implication
that they’re responsible for your happiness and if you’re not happy all the time, they’re
doing something wrong. That’s a big burden for you and your partner
to take on. Now that you’re apart, you don’t have
anyone to rely on other than yourself. You’ll be forced to figure out how to be
happy on your own, develop your life as one person rather than one half of a couple, and
find your own interests and your own ways of coping with this shitty thing we call life. This doesn’t mean growing apart it simply
means growing… apart. When you come back together you’ll have
the reassurance that you don’t need them to survive. You’ll know that you’re together because
you’re CHOOSING to spend your time with them because you love and value them as a
human being. This is what strong relationships are built
on. Number three: It gives you distance to see
what wasn’t working It’s not always easy to see what isn’t
working in your relationship because you’re too close. You need some distance to truly get a good
sense of what’s wrong. Think about your past relationships. I bet you can look back now and see exactly
why they didn’t work out. You didn’t have enough in common, they didn’t
treat you right, you wanted different things. But at the time, everything seemed rosy, right? This can be the same with your current relationship. After a few weeks or months apart, you can
objectively look at the relationship. You can see what was good (a lot), and what
wasn’t (a few big things) and decide what needs to be addressed to make the partnership
work. This distance is often enough to give you
the perspective you need to turn the relationship around. Number Four: It shakes things up Relationships can get into ruts really easily. It can actually be worse the closer and more
connected you are. Your lives get super in sync, you do everything
together and things are great. But soon you realize you always seem to do
the same things, you’ve drifted apart from your friends and you’re so entrenched in
this routine that it’s hard to even think of your life before the relationship. A breakup will shake up your day-to-day in
a way that’s going to be uncomfortable but can be beneficial too. Maybe you can’t hang out with your usual
friends because they took your ex’s side in the breakup? Now you can catch up with other friends who
you haven’t seen in forever. Thursday night was date night? Use that regular time you set aside to take
a yoga class, or just hang out alone, eat doritos, and enjoy some of your newfound freedom. These are all going to lead to big changes
in your life and change is good. If your relationship suffered because you
were both bored, a breakup could be just what you needed to realize this. CTA: If you’ve gone through a break up and
you’re wondering if your relationship is worth saving, I have something that can help. Go to exbackquiz.com and take the free quiz
to see if things are beyond hope. This tool has been carefully crafted and it
has helped a lot of people figure out what their next step is after breaking up. Number five: It can help you figure out what
you want Relationships can end because one or both
of you don’t know what you want. This kind of confusion causes tension because
you don’t know what’s expected of you. Maybe you weren’t able to rely on them but
you were too afraid to talk to them about it and that caused resentment. Maybe they smothered you with too much attention. After you’ve been apart for awhile you’ll
be better able to answer these questions: What do I miss about them? What do I not miss? How did they change my life on a daily basis? What’s something I expected from them that
was unreasonable? Was I fully invested in the relationship? Did I take enough time for myself? Did I allow them to have freedom in the relationship? What’s something I wasn’t willing to do
for them? Should I have? Answering these questions can help you figure
out what you’ll do differently when you get back together. Number six: It will show you both how being
single sucks I think we can all agree that the single life
is rough. You’re expected to meet new people, constantly
put yourself out there, and put on pants and leave the house. And the worst part, after a particularly heinous
date, you can’t come home and talk trash about them to your partner because you don’t
have one because you’re single. You have to just tweet about it and then go
to sleep alone. I know, bleak, but your ex feels the same
way. Sometimes just taking this time apart can
make you both realize that you were taking each other for granted. You’ll be much happier staying in together
than frantically swiping on tinder. This is why it’s crucial to cut off contact
and stop sleeping together during this break. It may seem harsh but the more you maintain
boundaries now, the sooner you’ll be back together. Now let’s talk about how to get the most
out of your breakup. First, keep it real with your ex. You and your ex have broken up so act like
it. Set boundaries! Don’t keep hanging around together, calling
them on the phone, or even texting. It might seem like a big step to cut off contact
but it’s going to help in the long run. If they ended things but won’t leave you
alone, cutting off contact will make them realize that this is for real and that they’ll
have to take steps to get you back. Next, make sure to try new things. What are some things you didn’t or couldn’t
do when you were together? Maybe you always wanted to ride a motorcycle
but you knew your ex wouldn’t approve. Now’s the time. Maybe you were too busy to get to the gym
as often as you’d like when you were together. This could be your chance to do that triathlon
you’ve always wanted. Maybe you wanted to travel the world but they
couldn’t take time off work. Get out there! Think of the things you’ve always wanted
to do and now that you have more free time, do them. / Date New People Dating may be the last thing you want to do
right now. That’s okay, there’s no rush. But don’t wait too long. Dating someone new will give you a chance
to practice dating again, get some confidence and relight that romantic spark that may have
been missing towards the end of your relationship. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that it will make
your ex super jealous. Improve yourself Breaking up means you’ve got more time on
your hands now. This time can either hurt you or it can help
you. You need to take your time to get over the
breakup but don’t spend all your time wallowing in sadness. If they wanted to end things before, are they
going to want you back now that you spend all day on the couch, elbow deep in a pizza? This time is a gift. Take stock of your life. Ask yourself “How could it be better?”
and then take action. This could mean getting healthy, going to
therapy, spending more time with your family, or taking on more responsibility at work. If you set goals and throw yourself into them,
pretty soon you won’t be thinking about your breakup. And seeing you go for your dreams will impress
your ex and make them wonder why they broke up with you in the first place. Real Talk: whether you got dumped, broke up
with them, and even if you’re just taking a break from the relationship, don’t waste
your time pining for them. Sure you miss them. Sure, you feel horrible and you’re going
to do everything in your power to fix this but this time apart is happening whether you
like it or not so you need to get something out of it. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for
them. The more you make the most of this time the
better partner you’ll be when you’re back together. Alright, thanks for watching YouTube. Breakups are hard but now you know how to
make the most of it. If you’ve got any more questions about how
to bounce back from your breakup, please comment below and I’ll do my best to help you. Also, if you haven’t already, subscribe
to my channel. I have a lot of great new videos planned for
you guys that you won’t want to miss. I’ve been Jessica Boss. Bye!
