HousePlace - Unpermitted Remodel - Pilot ep.

[Music] good morning and welcome to house bliss I'm Kirk Zippo we're here in beautiful Venice Beach California today where we're starting our new project now as you know nothing gets done on house place without our fearless building contractor Ted Seger good morning Ted hey good morning Kirk Ted don't you just love Venice ha sure do that only is it like a tiny little vacation from a failing marriage but it makes me feel so hip whether it's soaking up the vibes on Abbot Kinney balls you have a $9 copy we are getting yelled at by a homeless woman demanding I give back her skin yikes for this season our producers scoured the country to find the perfect homeowner with the perfect home submissions came in from all over and they all sucked in ways I can't even begin to describe all except one folks meet Valerie Anderson hi I'm Valerie and this is my daughter Mackenzie she's a teenager we're big fans of the show hi Kirk hi Ted you're a big fan of the show we always watched the show it's a family know we don't she goes out every night and I eat hot pockets and then she binges it while I'm gone for the weekend at my dad's we have a cozy little home I could use a little fixing up and we were hoping you house place boys would come and give us a hand we love you Ted mom get a grip [Music] hi Valerie come on in Kirk welcome to house place Ted hey I can't believe I'm actually meeting you Kirk I've been watching you since you were a little boy on your dad show when I was growing up he sure had a lot of star quality a lot like Ted here oh look at that ah this is not my dad's show it's my show so let's just try and keep that mind okay thank you Wow look at this don't tell me this must be Mackenzie's father him no no this is Marty our gay neighbor Oh gay neighbor Marty welcome to house place I I'm not gay I just think Valerie is a really special person and deserves to live in the home of her dreams nothing wrong with thinking I know I know but I made some nibbles if anyone's hungry no thanks I'm not really that is okay Valerie what can we do for you happy to this is our living room it's a good size but we've always felt it was a little dark and wondered what we might do maybe brighten it up yep wondering real hard about Valerie I knows that your ceilings are pretty low so my suggestion parting up would be just like oh I see another thing over here Valerie you have got a big giant Bush right here outside your window if you trim your Bush back you would get a lot more natural light in here sure you know your way around a bush so I'll leave that in your capable hands I sure do Oh mom so where to next let me show you to the bathroom follow me Ted and everyone else by golly it sure is died in here so tight you almost don't even fit in here Ted something now Valerie this shower wall takes up half the space what we should do is take it down replace up the glass shower wall which is also very trendy just color Valerie trend ursin you know if you're gonna take out the shower Kirk you might as well put in a new toilet and new lighting to go with it that's good so Valerie you said you had to show me something in the bedroom [Music] you see these windows they're stubborn and difficult to use and we get a lot of noise from the street well Valerie it's no wonder these windows have to be at least 50 years old like Marty he's 50 I'm 42 that's 50 single pane aluminum trim these old windows are outdated inefficient and leaky swing Marty's prostate it's true I do have some neurological issues Valery some double-paned windows will save you money in the winter and the summer they look great and will keep the house nice and white you mean I could make as much noise as I want here in the bedroom see these doors they're coming apart and the frames just looked tired and that wall color is like just want to redo the whole thing do yours and fresh paint got it sure there is some pretty shoddy craftsmanship here Wow I hung that door the Ballard let me make sure that I have this straight you want to remodel the entire bathroom you will replace all the doors the windows and the trim install lighting and paint the entire house inside it now right yep that's everything great that's gonna cost $100,000 what wait sorry what what Marty you got labor you got materials parking permits zoning permits insurance yeah you're looking at about a hundred K yeah sure the show doesn't cover any of that wouldn't that be nice to tear back out of this now Marty I mean wouldn't they're here yeah the show's already here no you're here now no the lucky checkbook I'm ready I mean I said I would do whatever I could to help but I was thinking more like five I couldn't buy a little girl's bed for $5,000 I just I had a little bout of identity theft Jesus no slamming doors [Applause] and it's my channel wait let's go what did you just call me okay everyone relax I do have one word I can let us all sleep a lot easier at night and that word is unpermitted oh good call buddy you see the city requires every construction project to be inspected and approved by the building department sounds kind of unamerican doesn't it Bellary hmm yeah sounds like North Korea yeah but you see if you go unpermitted you save big time at least 20% of your costs just disappear oh great so then it's only 80,000 Wow great math Marty mm-hmm thanks unpermitted sounds risky as well as illegal well sure there are insurance risks I mean if anyone gets hurt or if there's a sinkhole I mean you are on the hook for everything yep let's not do that then but Marty that's not gonna happen our guys are experienced at doing this kind of job now what you need to worry about is this person right here this is building inspector Donna Mazur and she's a bit of a hard-ass pardon my french she could shut us down she knew what we were up to you as long as she doesn't find out we're good to go well then I say we do it unprotected all right little forget step there unpermitted well while the boys get started why don't we go grab some supplies yep the Venice unpermitted remodel here is under way so stick around and house place returns so what exactly is your credit score there Marty I might need to swing by an ATM yeah yeah we go to the bank of unique you good morning and welcome back to house place I'm Kirk simple and I'm Ted Seeger the work has begun on our Venice Beach renovation project and the air feels electric because Ted is convinced the homeowner Valerie Anderson to go with an illegal on permanent renovation to save money I'm living on the edge Kirk Ted we got guys coming and going there's trucks deliveries dumpsters are we just asking to get popped by building inspector Don amazing well have a marriage on the skids Kirk engaging in risky behavior helps me feel alive my goal is to get this whole project done before I come to my senses or drink myself into a coma yeah sounds like a plan now you have a history with Donna maser don't you oh I sure do to get back at my cheating wife I took Donna out on a date and proceeded to have extramarital sex with her and then you go stood her oh sure did dropped her like a bag of asbestos so now she's got it in for you how much damage can this woman building inspector Donna Mazur how much damage can Donna do dang Donna do damage well she can shut down the project she can make us rip out whatever we've installed and she could possibly revoke my license really mm-hmm yeah and then we'd have to find a new house for a home show okay well Kirk what should we tackle next why don't you and the Wiis get started replacing those old doors all right hey Louise hey Ted meantime I'm gonna talk to our demolition contractor Alice Fogerty who's gonna be wrecking that outdated master bathroom well shouldn't we find a door if we're gonna do those sure let's take it like that 60 inch something like that over here yeah morning Alice you ready to rubble damn right Kirk I'm ready to bang the crap out of this ugly bathroom I'm gonna rip up this heinous tile crush that ugly sink and obliterate that revolting toilet what's your tool of choice today well I'm gonna go with Old Yeller since it's a small space does my best girl I just flip her around I can bring down the house Wow Alison you've got a great face on when you're wrecking what can you tell us about that face that's my 0bs 110% let's game face says hanging a door in an existing frame as a long and difficult process we're gonna save time and money by installing prehung doors hey Ted anything else is pre-owned I don't think I want to know Louise anyway these prehung doors come already set and leveled in the frame and all you got to do is pop them in there but first we've got to get rid of the existing door I couldn't having sex with my boyfriend in here you don't know daddy [Music] well Lewis and I are gonna muscle this door into the frame there and use these shims here to get it level and plumb is this good daddy baby doing okay what are you doing here Darrell here pick up Mackenzie what do you think why didn't you respond to my Texas because I don't respond to your locker room language and it's not your week until next week I forgot so sue me okay sue okay who are these bozos I'm Kirk Sifl from house place and I'm Ted seeker I'm Darrell I know who you are from house space you're her type right Ted even throwing herself at you already she sure has shut your foul mouth and you get off my property dare I not talk to him like that he is an addict and needs our support I thought you were that weak oh no I'm not with Marty I can't help it if he just makes really good seven-layer dip if I'm such a dweeb why'd you steal my identity dare I get your prescription pills yech not so I could be you yeah Marty do you even know why identity theft works okay that does it I'm calling your parole officer fine this isn't Alaska me to see if Darryl Anderson loved your dad show loved it come on Mackenzie I hate you and I want my bedroom door back Mackenzie it's not as sweet it's not as weak go on my motorcycle my new one wear your helmet helmets are for and are very strong so I need to have a lie-down anyone needs me I'll be in my boudoir having a lie-down she thinks I'm gonna follow her but I am NOT it's a good idea that seems like a good place to leave off for today we'll come back tomorrow and check on the bathroom demo install some lighting and try some of Marty's famous seven-layer dip hmm the unpermitted venice remodel continues what are the seven layers exactly no what are they putting beans yeah she's walking moly guacamole I'm in wheatgrass all that we care about you [Music] good morning welcome back a house place I'm Kirk simple and I'm Ted Seeger our Venice unpermitted remodel got off to a bit of a shaky start yesterday when our homeowners pill-popping ex-husband Darrell showed up man he is a handful a handful of oxycontin Ted how's that gonna fix your job site having Darrell skulking around well you know I know guys like Darrell and they want one of two things they either want to steal all your copper piping and wiring or they want to come on the job site faked an injury and then sue you either way we're gonna be keeping a very close eye on Darrell and this wet blanket done a maser yep hold on to something interesting seems to be happening at these snack table oh hey Marty hey Marty uh trying out a new look there oh well I just wanted to help out you know maybe save us some money I figure if I'm pitching in and we don't necessarily need all these other gentlemen and maybe we could let one or two go have kids you dick hey spike oh he's doing a great job it was just an idea yeah do you have any construction skills or experience what oh well I hung that door okay no I I could help carry things are you strong guy no Dwight week actually so I could carry small things or if you need your screws and bolts organized by size or weight I could do that how about do you mix some of that famous seven-layer dip and keep the checks coming that's a great idea I want to go back and check on Alice Fogerty our demolition contractor who's knocking the hell out of that back bathroom and I want to see what kind of improvement ii make to thomas face [Music] my contact police don't you stop contacts Wow Alice this place sure looks different ah you can see Kirk I made this bathroom my you most certainly did now demolition can be pretty repetitive what do you do to keep your mind engaged well Kirk imagination is a powerful tool what I do is when I'm crushing tile I just imagine I'm smashing the human skull wow that's a great tip yeah I don't have much imagination myself as my dad used to say some people are smarter than others Kirk and those other people they're smarter than you Oh hot damn your dad he knew his I'm gonna love dab it on his show yeah hear that a lot but he's gone and so is his show so this is the only show there is and it's my show let's go house place you want to be on it again sometime I'd love that great just this smelling a lot of asbestos oh yeah Thanks it's just a you know flannel [Music] wait worst-case scenario I feel like this is your fault [Music] [Music] man that was a close one too close for comfort I need another drink bad man my pulse is racing let's hope we never see that party pooper again huh [Music] look what we have here I'm assuming you have permits for all of this actually we don't need permits because this is a house place themed birthday party for my daughter who's not surprised I know exactly what is going on here okay Ted seeker is trying to pull one past me again and trying to make a fool out of me by documenting it on television house space a stupid name house place its house place or space place Hospice House please please okay well it's still stupid you come up with that yep yeah well it's stupid well I'm sorry I don't like it you're going down you're all going down especially you and especially you chase suit just come up on her show even see it comes we can't add murder to the list done I think we know what this is really about I know what it's about it's about ten different code violations that I've seen since I've walked in here Donna your ventilation is substandard the drywall isn't fire rated during your grout is too sandy it does the whole place it's a deathtrap and I'm I'm red flagging this structure and I'm writing an official complete that the state licensing board why don't we go discuss that thoroughly in my truck [Music] work does not resume until I am back from his truck got it yep Ted see here ladies and gentlemen always willing to go above and beyond to get the job done [Applause] well des bumpin uglies with Donna maser let's take a look at what's coming up this season on house place we're gonna finish installing those energy-efficient windows get up early yes just window and come on any empties yet yeah Jesus that's small I ordered this we'll talk about proper workplace attire Wow Louise those pants are really tight and do you find them restrictive going up and down the ladder and let's not forget about Darrell this is Lewis Lewis living bring gage [Music] all right well I don't think we need to worry about Donna Mazur anymore why is that Ted well let's just say we banged out a deal and what deal is that and sex with her the back of my truck oh yeah it's like my dad always said when things look their bleakest just have sex with the building inspector but have Ted do it cuz you'll just screw it up man sometimes having a horrible marriage sure does come in handy same goes for a lonely childhood for house place I'm Kirk zip boy I'm Ted Seger stick with us while we complete this Venice unpermitted remodel and in the meantime don't let him see you cut the corners you dad really said that about me you certainly did out to me he always was complimentary of your looks immediate shot dimension all times Wow we're still gonna take the compliment yep [Music] Wow subway-tile Carrera accent marble wallet any tile floor this place looks amazing Alice I fight you just a devil it's not what I'm vision perk they did the wrong work that was in here in here [Music] [Music]

Channel: HousePlace

Views: 320

Rating: 5 out of 5

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Id: Af8TLhbS9u4

Length: 21min 23sec (1283 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 23 2020