Honest Trailers | Eternals

[Music] marvel has taken you out to the edge of the universe down to the scale of an atom and across the boundaries of time now prepare to visit a new setting beyond the farthest reaches of a nerd's imagination outside i'm scared can we go back to a green screen please ah that's better eternals witness the mcu's grandest experiment yet about mythic creatures who steer the course of human history from the director of that quasi documentary about a van lady who poops in a bucket as chloe xiao brings jack kirby's most psychedelic r to the screen and soothing grayson beiges in this long meditation on whether our hero should let humanity die or spit in the face of an uncaring god are we sure this isn't a dc movie that's superman uh that's superman remember when comic book films were about characters you've heard of neither do i now after a tl dr opening crawl meet the eternals 10 heroes as hot as they are sad thrill at the revelation that they're actually robots designed by an alien god to fight creatures who look like your unsorted cable drawer who themselves were designed to eat the dinosaurs until things got out of hand you know what just forget it it's dumb just meet the eternals hi there's theena a warrior who freaks out when she remembers she's angelina jolie and shouldn't be sharing screen time with these nobodies yogamesh who's never met a problem he couldn't fist fastos who does all his science by way of naruto hand signs druid he sucks druix sucks ajax keeper of the sacred iphone gold orb edition that lets her call daddy aj makari who should have been called fastos because holy crap how are we supposed to keep all these characters straight sprite a pixie with the power of being small and having a knife i'm sorry cersei king go a bollywood star who makes you wonder if all the time cameo spent getting jacked should have gone to dance lessons instead icarus who's like superman if he had to be convinced that human life had any value so like you know zack snyder superman and cersei whose warm dignified performance is impossible to focus on because someone thought it wouldn't be distracting to paris cersei with two of the leads from game of thrones you are very beautiful cersei i love you cersei no you love daenerys or maybe marjorie tyrell i'm still hashing out my erotic fanfic i don't want it i never have oh yes you do no kiss strap in for a movie that's all about tracking down characters you just met a few minutes ago we need to find the others we need to go find the others we have to bring everyone back together and since no one thought to set up a group text take a whirlwind tour of all their solo projects whether they're just chilling on a marvel issued retirement form wanda visioning before it was cool druid sucks he does nuking japan i did this or they just got left back on the spaceship like a baby in a hot car but once these neutral avengers have reassembled they'll discover their secret mission to literally the world as they learn their true purpose was to fertilize earth with enough man better to hatch a celestial sorry for phrasing it that way i'm just unsatisfied after marvel's first sex scene i.e three dimly lit pumps in the missionary position can you believe that's all we get look what kingo did for this film and you don't even pop his shirt off you gotta reward that effort eternals two the search for king goes dingo let's make it happen so if your idea of fun is watching 10 people debate the trolley problem for two and a half hours where the closest thing to a relatable character is an immortal movie star's human pet he's worked with me for 50 years fly don't walk to your nearest couch for the film that puts the universe in mcu then despite the reviews is far from the worst in the franchise are you well eric i can't get too excited not even a little excited tony how do you go to the bathroom just like that they just tried to do something a little different this time but don't worry marvel will never make that mistake again phew starring cersei roman stark kent this wasn't in the script angelina jolie generally doesn't know how a toaster works salma dayak the fling in the north the big dick silicon valley sprite ginger zero sugar shaper boy dev schlepper druid sucks bury me with my golden arm clifford the big red god gotta catch em all ropeymon all right you're in this movie too patent pending and harry styles eternal run time of the plotless grind why is sprite going to school she's thousands of years old not trying to meet kids her own age what's she gonna learn in seventh grade okay maybe spanish somos amigos universidad sorry about your hot dogs my name is oliver queen and you have failed this comment section i'm old and i don't like this mirabelle didn't get a gift she is the gift charcuterie is just lunchables trying to be fancy

Channel: Screen Junkies

Views: 2,983,894

Keywords: screenjunkies, screen junkies, honest trailers, honest trailer, fandom, marvel, mcu, disney, disney+, eternals, eternals trailer, honest trailers eternals, honest trailer eternals

Id: EskNsLql-VI

Length: 5min 50sec (350 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 25 2022