Guys Who BECOME Scared Of DATING Share Their STORY (r/AskReddit)

our slashes credit guys who've become scared of dating slash relationships why if someone here can relate plz reply all the women in my immediate environment will have children from previous relationships this did not bother me so when I moved back home I shacked up with the first girl I thought was cool she had a 2 year old girl who over time accepted me as her dad fast forward two years of toxicity later I was at my wit's end I wanted to leave but my now stepdaughter had already been abandoned by her bo dad and she would always cling to me after her mother and I fought my own father had left me and I thought it would make me a monster to do the same to a child eventually academic circumstances forced me to leave it hurt not breaking up with this woman I still loved her but her scars from her upbringing made it impossible but breaking the bond with the daughter it left me dead inside and with zero interest in dating sorry for the hurting post don't blame yourself your girlfriend should take responsibility for herself and her child and she should not allow that kind of dramatic context around her daughter when I was 16 I lived with my older cousin who was a drunk her daughter was 8 and her son was an infant the only reason she invited me to live with her was so she could have a live-in nanny I didn't know this I was a freshman in college and had to stay up at night rocking and feeding the baby becoming his only mother it seemed like and had to stick around when she disappeared - wherever during the day I missed classes took an incomplete for one course in my very first semester even after this I wasn't registering the detriment to myself because I was keeping on moving forward albeit with setbacks I began having to hide alcohol from her 8 year old who was spying on her mom for her dad who was deployed I remember thinking at 16 these parents are not adults I formed a strong bond with the baby after 10 months of care leaving him was hard but I drew the line when summer came and my cousin started bringing drunk strangers into her family home to cheat on her husband putting me and her children abyss I told my mother and her mother my mom's sister every little detail of what had been going on and left the bull in the hands of the matriarchs her mother went to live with her and I went to live back home but I'm not the didn't even luck back type I did luck back I missed the baby and worried about him a lot I have finally gotten over this and I'm seeing someone new but I went on for five years not wanting to date which sucked because I did want an intimate connection with someone but I was afraid because Wow one ex really really [ __ ] meat up long story short she cheated on me when I suspected something and called her on it she said the guy raped her I wanted her to go to the police she wouldn't she said she wanted to never think about it again so I confront the guy he insists it was consensual I don't believe him and we fight it gets broken up by some other people and I leave I tell my girlfriend about it she's upset with me she immediately calls him at which point my dumb ass puts two plus two together I told her to tell me the truth and she did she had been cheating on me with him for months I broke up with her and left I went to a friend's place when she called me apologizing saying she wanted me back and all sorts of other [ __ ] I tell her to [ __ ] off he sends me back a text that just says goodbye and then I get a picture she's gone and slit her wrists I call 9 double one for her turns out she's fine she faked the slit wrist photos she wouldn't open the door for the paramedics so the police got involved and I had to go give a statement after it was all said and done we were in the same room she had the nerve to be upset with me for calling 911 when I thought she was dying you were supposed to come save me [ __ ] psychotic that's not how any of this works a week or so later the guy she was cheating on me with sent me pictures of her sucking his dick two months later they had split up she wanted to get back together she was begging I said we could talk we were driving around talking she didn't seem to understand why I would have an issue with anything she did walking led to yelling led to screaming at each other at a red light she gets out and smashed my rearview mirror and walked away I won't lie I definitely did not handle everything in as responsible away I should have but holy [ __ ] was an emotional ordeal it really turned me off to the idea of letting someone get close cause when you do they can hurt you even more took a solid five years to begin to open up again after that trust is one factor I'm sure many will talk about but the other that most won't know without experience is the easiest ones to fall in love with the young and passion of people are quite changeable their heart is so caught up in something that if it's something you also like they latch on to you so tightly and quickly think of how many people have online relationships based on music or gaming or school / college relationships bonded by a protest caused or an early hobby or even just smoking weed the issue is these people often haven't become people yet they don't truly know what they want some stay the same forever and the relationship always seems Purse easy but sometimes they grow and change and suddenly that boy / girl you fell in love with is torn between the time they've enjoyed with you and the life they want if unaddressed the conflict builds and maybe they do something radical to fulfill that part of themselves that's missing could be run away fake a pregnancy cheat take a job elsewhere in the absence of communication you feel betrayed and your trust breaks the further you get into a relationship the harder it is to repair a broken trust not with them but with anyone the first time you realize you don't have the same person you fell in love with it shatters you the life you thought you'd lead with them was a lie and especially if you find out they never intended to live that life with you it cuts deep so that's why some people guys and girls are so terrified of relationships one bad experience with one person who handled growing up poorly and your potential partner now sits at home too scared to try for fear of being hurt not for fear of rejection but for fear of receiving acceptance and then having it taken away again gay man here 26 and I've never had an official boyfriend the first guy I fell for and I had talked for a few months but as I was exploring my sexuality for the first time I caught feelings fast we had gone one a couple dates whenever we could as I worked two jobs and he was a student on top of a full-time job there was a period where I hadn't seen him for a month and so I was finally able to see him point the day before Valentine's Day I went over to his house and we talked and made out for hours almost had sex I told him I had feelings for him and he told me he loved me two days later he tells me he only ever wanted sex from me the second guy and I spent every day together for two weeks cuddling kissing just spending time getting to know each other I told him I had feelings for him and wanted to see where we could go but he called me crazy and that he had been seeing someone for months the guy he was seeing was in his 50s I backed off cause I was hurt but what hurt more was him admitting to me that after a couple months of being hot and cold with this older man he gave him an ultimatum get serious as a couple or he moves into his backup guess who was the backup relationship yep me third guy was an [ __ ] narcissistic judgmental he judged my car for not being new he judged the clothes I wore for not being designer he judged my job for not being good enough I worked for Shake Shack at the time getting paid 12 an hour he was a vet assistant and my apartment for being in a less than desirable neighborhood I finally ended it after a couple months cause I was tired of busting my ass just to gain approval from him that I eventually realized I would never get he spent the next year and a half sending me dick pics trying to hook up behind his boyfriend's back it set her a total trash number four and I weren't very serious but by this point in my life I was fully out and he was the first guy I felt I could be myself around we dated casually for two months until he tells me one day that him and a friend he had spending a lot of time with had caught feelings for one another they are now engaged number 5 lasted five months but there's an entire story of why we didn't work out and why looking back I'm glad we didn't still suck though [ __ ] guys and [ __ ] love strangely my problems aren't caused by previous gf s-- but betrayed by people i should have been able to trust they both ruined my life i can't make actual friends because i can't trust people sexual relationships are possible but I feel very detached and she has noticed first was a stepparent 6 years of sexual abuse and two rapes threatened to kill my mom sister and GF if I told anyone I left reported it he counter accused said I lied and was angry over my ex GF the one he threatened and his side of the family hates me second was the first person I trusted since that was friends for a year they even became my best friend I invited them on a vacation with me and they accepted they purposely get me drunk planning to have sex with me they were in a relationship and I would have dropped them if they tried to make me a Jody later accused me of rape still dealing with it I'm honestly afraid to invest more of my sanity into someone just to be stabbed in the back again aaww feel this I suffered sexual abuse / rape from family for years starting at a very young age and later in adulthood by an old cow walker I trusted that is toxic and can ruin you what matters most is learning to love yourself again put the past behind you all you have is this single moment right now you are breathing you are existing remembering all the [ __ ] I've survived gives me a nut boost of power now that I'm on the end of it looking back at the suffering I felt as if it would never end a sad way to live life after I was able to truly accept the way people treated me life got easier less painful you cannot blame yourself for how you were treated all you can do is feel try your damn hardest you deserve happiness every ounce of joy that was stolen from you you can regrow focus on this moment investing is terrifying be more cautious about who you let into the depths of your heart you've already learned so many valuable lessons put them to use you are defined by the choices you make today choose a blissful future a joyous present for you not anyone else but for you because you've got damn deserve it it is never too late to live a better life don't hold yourself back anymore one day at a time it's worth the practice self-love is beautiful if you can feel full alone you can accomplish anything the right person will make themselves known you will legit feel the difference between someone who genuinely cares vs the abuse you are accustomed to after years of abuse and toxic relationships I found a loving and gentle human to spend time with now all I'm doing is trying to mess it up by letting my learned behaviors and learned insecurities take control there will always be trials and tribulations you can still come out on top I believe in you first relationship I had was there aaww you guys would make a cute couple type thing she and I I'm male were already really close friends and you know guys and girls can't just be friends anyways we dated for four months nothing sexual came from it but we did have romantic feelings for each other I guess one day she decided she didn't want the relationship anymore but couldn't just tell me she started telling her girl bestfriend about some private school boy that she was seeing behind my back her friend told me about it so naturally I confronted her about it she said that he was a guy from a neighboring town that basically used her as a ref asterisk CK do ll she even used Mac hoop to put fake marks on herself this threw me into a deep depression because not only was she cheating on me but it was my first year and that put me into a state of self-confidence issues questioning why she chose to do that fast forward over summer break and we're all back in school by now xgf is very distant and I've become a mess from over thinking a mutual friend comes over one day to check up on me since I was usually the happy laughing type and I had barely said anything to anyone so far that school year I told her that I'm still rolling over my first GF cheating on me and she just looks at me with that DF you talking about face I said don't you remember she cheated on me last year with redacted remembering now she chuckled asking what was so funny she said oh yeah that was all a lie to see if you'd be jealous fast forward seven years to present-day and I have severe trust issues I don't trust any female that they won't do the same or just flat-out cheat on me I have dated a few people since but most of them left because I'm scared to put effort into a serious relationship for fear that I'll put too much effort into it just for the same thing to happen again men aren't the only heart breakers out here whatever the it is that makes relationships last I just don't have it girls just lose interest in me and in racking my brain as to why six out of my seven serious relationships have ended with me getting cheated on ghosted or dumped because they fell out of love with me I just can't figure out what I'm doing wrong I seriously put so much effort into being a good partner obviously I'm biased but I think I do a good job at being a boyfriend I try my best to be attentive understanding calm etc but nearly every time I get completely blindsided and it's just heartbreaking this size of some insole rant either I'm not saying am owed anything here and him not blaming women obviously I'm not perfect but I try so damn hard to be better I just keep getting confused and hurt because I think things are going well and then all of a sudden they errant if you have made it this far sorry for rambling I was dumped recently and I'm still not over it this question gave me an excuse to rant about what I've been feeling and I took it I'm afraid these feelings are going to start being a problem in any future relationships I'm worried I'll start looking for things to go wrong and start to self-sabotage or become jealous that kind of stuff could seriously endanger my future relationships I just don't know how or if I'm going to overcome this mental hurdle I'm a guy first GF I had in high school broke up with me because we didn't see each other much and some other guy told her to she was long distance but made the trip to my town to see him 2nd GF in high school cheated on me with one of her friends she wanted six but didn't want to have sex with me 3rd GF in high school cheated on me with her female friend and tried to get a threesome with one of my friends she got upset because I didn't respect that she was B 4th gf in high school left me when her ex came back they planned to get married they were both under 18 and this was before the state legalized same-sex marriage first serious relationship out of high school caught her flirting with two guys from our whoa W guild even found her search history looking for plane tickets and jobs in one of the guys areas I also found chat logs of her severing with the other guy she was always timed and shy when we had sex so to see her cheating like this and to see her taking some initiative was a double off current GF is long distance but I don't know how that's working out she's moved in with her friend / xgf her ex runs a very sex positive house when one of the ex's friends help move my gf and he saw she was stressed and offered her sex to help her relax she told me she said no that he has been over several times helping her she told me one of her ex's female friends gave up guys today and my GF went to bed early around 8 p.m. when she normally goes to bed at midnight that was 12 hours ago and I still haven't seen her online when we started dating she said I could have sex with other people but got upset when I did and confessed to me she had been having sex with her ex but it didn't count as cheating since they are both women I had to explain to her why that was wrong the only reason I overlooked that is the tit for tat of me having sex with the other women if I find proof of anything else the relationship is over I'm not an insole I don't believe women no men sex I do know that there were women in my life outside of intimate relationships that hinted at sex or other things and have used this to get me to do favors for them when I do said favors they run off after getting what they want I have no problems helping friends it's the method of asking that bugs me so all that together and I'm not keen on betting half my staff that a relationship is going to work I was about to write this whole explanation of what happened but it ended up taking 20 minutes basically I grew up thinking I was ugly found out I was hot as [ __ ] around the age of 14 fell in love with a girl she basically faked liking me at all dated the one dude in the world I had an issue with led me on for three years and pretended she needed me once I stopped talking to her after three years of [ __ ] then went ahead and found herself a boyfriend she's still with don't know what the story there is I genuinely try to stay away the [ __ ] even had the nerve to tell me good luck in college I never even looked at this girl for years and she put me on the spot in the middle of one of the only parties I ever went to during high school knowing full and well I just didn't appreciate the situation I decided to give a hug and take a shower after nobody could say [ __ ] then since ofc there's two sides to this lots of newfound confidence destroyed by the conspiracy of a little [ __ ] girl with no decency or thinking of anyone but herself that's why I guess I don't trust the rest of you to not be the same I know that's [ __ ] rough because there has to be at least one of you who's still [ __ ] available that actually cares about another person the only other girl who ended up coming to me I'm good looking I'm just a stand efficient flirty situations but not in a Dowie way so women still like to talk to me and low-key like me but very few tried anything and I had no interest in that [ __ ] for various reasons ended up just using me to try to make her ex jealous but I knew that and didn't play her games I ended up [ __ ] her over instead felt good for once but still [ __ ] sucked because even after all my barriers she ended up coming through just a little and though I was cautious as hell I was still kind of hope for naba i really don't know what to do I'm only 18 I'm hoping once I'm a little more mature I'll be able to find someone I'm making strides in my education because honestly that's what's calling me I don't have friends at all at least nobody I can say I actually see haven't left my house in a while still in good shape you wouldn't even know I was [ __ ] up about myself also this whole metoo thing I'm a good person I don't do anything literally nothing I smoke weed if you must know that's cause there ain't [ __ ] else for me to do I want to find someone I love before I have sex again if you want to hear something else [ __ ] up I've also been forced into a sexually compromising situation at a relatively young age it [ __ ] confused me and ruined my sexual appetite though I can't say it was detrimental to my mental state in all honesty I still don't really understand it and no I'm not talking about it I don't bring it up for various reasons I can't stress how much it was my fault and it was I was making a million bad decisions my pointers I even relates to what these women feel in a way but I can't do it with anyone I don't like all love women are [ __ ] crazy especially the ones I attract even if my numbers are lacking TLDR anxiety and bad people [ __ ] me up I genuinely have no idea why I'm scared of dating is it fear of being rejected fear of being ridiculed if we do go past the dating phase and to enter a relationship how long will it take for them to realize that I'm not the prize they were expecting will they take what I haven't run off all of this is inside my head I know that I just can't seem to shake off these unnecessary feelings that have no basis to exist point I have very limited interests topics hobbies that I can talk about how many other people do I have to go through to find someone that shares those similar if not the same interests topics hobbies I went on my very first date in over 30 plus years we both went to see ant-man I had a great time and I thought she was also having a time we head home after that and then come midnight I get hit with the friendzone message that was her literal text the whole let's be French spiel point fingers I wasn't even remotely upset that I got turned down didn't feel great though but it was liberating to know that being rejected wasn't the end of it all as I imagined so I replied back to the girls stating the whole friend thing was not something I was looking for and just asked her to be honest that she didn't feel any sort of chemistry or spark or whatever to move on the next step on dating / relationship building thing after that I slowly thought that my fear for lack of a better word of the dating / relationship 'is that I believe I won't be able to find someone who would share my interests or I won't be able to fit into their interests or their pace in life you get what I'm trying to say talk to a girl last year at my job that I was interested in the first time we talked we immediately clicked and for once I thought I finally had a chance with a girl every time I'd talk to her her face would always get red and it always felt like an eternity would go by when we talked we had such good chemistry and she'd always wave and say hi to me whenever she'd see me asked for her number one day and that's when she told me she had a boyfriend I was disappointed but nevertheless I moved on still stayed her friend though and will message each other every blue moon on snapchat out of all the other girls I mentioned below this girl is the one I miss talking and seeing the most she got fired couple months later I started messaging a girl I had a crush on in high school things were going good but she was always busy with school and workers was I so we never got to hang out we still messaged each other after that but she started to stop messaging me entirely not even opening my texts until days later and I got the message so I stopped trying to engage a conversation some time later I tried again with another girl things were going well actually as she would call me on her lunch break at work since self eyes to me it set a rocket ship like that she had the time to hang out with me so I invited her out to go eat this was the first time in life that I've ever taken a girl out so I was super nervous but excited at the same time we had a good time and we kept messaging each other after that about hanging out again and stuff then one day she stopped messaging me entirely so I looked into it her Instagram profiles BL had initials in it of her ex-boyfriend on it I deleted her number and everything after I saw that I eventually tried again with another girl this girl talked to me and sent me stuff no other girl I mentioned above did she'd send me selfies and videos all the time and I couldn't believe a girl this attractive would send stuff and talk to me like that we both had tough schedules but one day we both had a day off and I had asked her to hang out she had to take her daughter to the doctor and I was perfectly fine with that no biggie a mother has to take care of her child she said that she wanted to hang out another day which I was on board with right away that day came and I had asked her if she was busy told me that she was busy and couldn't make it but later that night on her snapchat story she was at somebody's house with a bunch of other people and she was with another guy I never messaged her again after I saw that so yeah those are my sad stories of a 23 almost 24 year old guy that has bad luck when it comes to dating slash relationships this stuff just isn't for me I guess

Channel: Slime King

Views: 30,559

Rating: 4.830688 out of 5

Keywords: high school, reddit stories, reddit

Id: o1tU1wTcHYw

Length: 25min 52sec (1552 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 06 2019