ALL RIGHT. HAPPY ALMOST FRIDAY. HUH, WE CAN HANG ON ONE MORE DAY. IF WE JUST BELIEVE. ESPECIALLY IF IT IS RED MET THURSDAY. [MUSIC] ITS RED MEAT THURSDAY. SERVING STUFF YOU LOVE! ♪♪YOU AGREE WITH US ♪ITSELF RED MEAT IF YOU DON'T LIKE THESE POLITICS, THAT IS BECAUSE YOU ARE A LITTLE BITCH! ♪ ♪ [APPLAUSE] >> COULD YOU JUST PUT SOMETHING TOGETHER, THAT IS WHAT HE DOES. SICK LITTLE BOY. YEAH, IT IS RED MEAT THURSDAY, WHERE WE TELL YOU WHAT YOU ALREADY KNEW TO BE TRUE AND EVERYONE WHO DISAGREES CAN GO F HIMSELF, TO QUOTE DANA PERINO. TONIGHT'S RED MEAT, LEFTISTS ARE UGLY. I KNOW, YOU KNEW THAT ALREADY, YOU'VE SEEN "THE VIEW." NOW SCIENTIST BEARING IT IT OUT, AMAZING, NEW ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE STUDY OUT OF DENMARK, WHICH IS A COUNTRY, I BELIEVE. TURNS OUT AI CAN PREDICT A PERSON'S POLITICAL LEANINGS WITH 61% ACCURACY, BASED SOLELY ON THEIR FACE. IT IS FAR MORE ACCURATE THAN THE OLD METHOD, WHICH WAS BASED ON ASS' EYES. WHEN THE JUDGE THE OFFICIAL FEATURES USED FOR THIS, THEY FOUND SOMETHING ELSE, THE RIGHT-WINGERS WERE WHERE HOT-AIR. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. SOME NOTABLE EXCEPTIONS, OF COURSE. BROUGHT DOWN THE CURVE. HERE'S THE BORING PART, DANISH SCIENTISTS -- THE KIND WITH CHEESE OR FRUIT FILLING -- THEY FED 3200 PHOTOGRAPHS INTO THE TOOL, AFTER THE ANALYSIS, THEY FOUND 80% DISPLAYED A HAPPY EXPRESSION, BUT BEHIND THOSE HAPPY FACES WERE CONSERVATIVE FEMALE POLITICIANS WHO LOOKED HAPPIER AND MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN LIBERALS. REASONS FOR THIS HAPPINESS ABOUND. YOU ARE NOT SURROUNDED BY GLOOM AND DOOM. IT IS EASIER TO WALK IN HEELS WITHOUT CLOVEN HOOVES. I'M SURE THAT BREATHING HELPS. BUT THE STUDY'S AUTHORS FIND THAT A FINDING MAKE SENSE BECAUSE PREVIOUS RESEARCH HAS ALSO HIGHLIGHTED THIS LINK BETWEEN ATTRACTIVENESS AND CONSERVATIVISM. WHICH MEANS IT IS TIME FOR A GRATUITOUS SHOT OF DANA PERINO. ISN'T SHE LOVELY? THAT IS WITHOUT MAKEUP. HERE SHE IS WITH MAKEUP. YEAH. SO WHY ARE CONSERVATIVE SO HOT? WHAT COULD BE THE REASON FOR THIS? ARE LIBERAL WOMEN REALLY UGLIER THAN CONSERVATIVE WOMEN AND THAT IS WHY THEY STILL WEAR USELESS MASKS WHEN DRIVING ALONE IN THEIR TINY CARS CAN MAKE COULD IT BE DUE TO ADOPTING AN IDEOLOGY OF HOPELESSNESS BASED ON THE UNFIXABLE NATURE OF AN EVIL SOCIETY, THAT BEGETS THEIR ANGER, ULTIMATELY UNDERMINES HER NATURAL GOOD LOOKS. HARD TO EMBRACE BEAUTY WHEN THOSE AROUND YOU CALL ANY ATTENTION THAT YOU RECEIVE FROM YOUR BEAUTY A FORM OF OBJECTIFICATION OF THE MALE GAZE. IF THEY CAN'T FIND BEAUTY IN THE WORLD, THEY DENOUNCE THEIR OWN, DESTROY IT WITH HAIR DYE, PIERCINGS, CASES OF CHEAP FROZEN PIZZA. THIS COULD EXPLAIN ALL THOSE MUG SHOTS OF FEMALE AND DIVA MEMBERS, TALK ABOUT AN UGLY BUNCH. THEY WEREN'T ALWAYS THIS WAY. HERE THEY ARE BEFORE THEY EMBRACED LEFTIST DOGMA. THANK GOD I DUMP THEM BEFORE THEY DISCOVERED MSNBC. RATHER THAN LOOK HOT, TRY TO APPROXIMATE THE POLITICAL STATEMENT, WHEN HE WOULDN'T WANT TO SIT NEXT TO ON A BUS. THE STUDY ALSO FOUND THAT LEFT-LEANING MEN HAD MORE NEUTRAL FACES THAN CONSERVATIVE MEN, MEANING THEY DIDN'T LOOK AS HAPPY, BUT I GUESS IT IS HARD TO LOOK HAPPY AFTER THEY REMOVE YOUR BALLS. SERIOUSLY, HOW HAPPY CAN YOU BE IF YOUR WIFE FORCES YOU TO GO TO DRAG QUEEN STORY HOUR AT THE LIBRARY. JUST A SPINELESS SACK OF LOW TESTOSTERONE AND LACK THE UPPER BODY STRENGTH TO BREAK FREE AND RUN AWAY. LEFT-LEANING MEN ARE BETTER AT HIDING THEIR EMOTIONS. APPARENTLY THEY HAVE BETTER POKER FACES, WHICH MAKES SENSE, A GOOD CON MAN NEVER LETS THE MARK KNOW HOW HE REALLY FEELS. YOU GET A LOT OF PRACTICE LYING IF YOU ARE A MAN WHO CLAIMS TO BE A LIBERAL. DYE YOUR HAIR PURPLE TO COMMEMORATE JUNE TO YOUTH. I AGREE, SARAH SILVERMAN. SHE IS REALLY FUNNY. WOW, THE SCALE IS DELICIOUS. OMINOUS PARALYSIS. KIND OF LOOKS LIKE HE IS FACING SOMEBODY HOLDING UP CRUCIFIX, BUT HE HAS BEEN LYING THE WHOLE TIME. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR THE FUTURE? KNOWING THE LEFT, THEY WILL PROBABLY USE THIS TECHNOLOGY TO GET CONSERVATIVES UNDER SURVEILLANCE. MOST ARE ALREADY EAGER TO DIG THROUGH THE PERSONAL LIFE OF ANYONE WHO CRITICIZES A DEMOCRAT. THEY ENJOY CANCELING PEOPLE WHO STAND IN THEIR WAY OF A PROGRESSIVE BUT MISERABLE SOCIETY. WHAT IS NEXT. PERHAPS WE JUST IDENTIFY THE HAPPY PEOPLE AND LET SKYNET DO THE REST. >> SHE HAS HER MOM WAS STILL GETS ASKED TO THE PROM, JULIE BANDERAS. HE FRISKED AND CUFFED HUNDREDS, SOMETIMES AS A POLICE OFFICER, FORMER NYPD INSPECTOR AND ATTORNEY PAUL MORROW. CHEERFUL ONLY WHEN SHE IS GIVING YOU AN EAR FULL, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR KAT TIMPF. AND HIS FANNY PACK SLEEP SEVEN, MY MASSIVE SIDEKICK, TYRUS. IT IS QUITE OBVIOUS THAT YOU ARE FAR BETTER LOOKING THAN ANYONE ON CNN OR MSNBC, BUT A LOW BAR, VERY HOMELY PEOPLE, MALE, FEMALE, THOSE IN BETWEEN. DO YOU BUY THE SCIENCE? >> I DO, LOOK AT CONSERVATIVES ACROSS THE BOARD, >> NOT JUST ACROSS THE BOARD. >> ACROSS THE BOARD. >> ACROSS THE BORDER. >> IF YOU LOOK ACROSS THE BOARD, LEFT ANGRY, MORE ATTRACTIVE, A LOT OF SCOWLING COMING FROM THE LEFT AND A LOT OF ANGRY LIBERALS, THAT DOES MAKE THEM UGLY. I BELIEVE IT MAKES MEN MORE ATTRACTIVE -- YOU IDENTIFIED AS, WHAT, A CONSERVATIVE? >> I AM A FOREST PYGMY. >> WHAT IS YOUR EXCUSE? >> I DON'T KNOW. I FIND THAT -- YEAH, BEING HAPPY JUST MAKES YOU BETTER LOOKING. >> YOU LOOK BETTER NOW THAN WHEN YOU STARTED AT FOX, WHICH I THINK MEANS YOU'VE BECOME MORE CONSERVATIVE. >> MAYBE I WAS MORE MISERABLE. CAN FIND PEOPLE THAT WOULD SAY THAT. >> YOU HAVE IMPROVED WITH AGE, NOT VERY COMMON. >> ACCEPTING THE WHOLE PYGMY THING. >> THAT IS TRUE. >> WOULD NORMALLY SAY HE WAS A PYGMY, GREAT MOMENT WHERE HE SAID IT IN PASSING. >> WE SHOULD ALL CLAP FOR HIM, NOT EASY. >> NOT EASY. >> I APPLIED IT. >> I APPLAUD THE THERAPIST. ORTHOPEDIC SHOES PROBABLY HELP WITH THAT. >> THESE ARE NOT ORTHOPEDIC SHOES. THESE ARE PRADA. >> FOR THE HEIGHT IMPAIRED. >> ALL RIGHT, PAUL PAUL, FAIRLY GOOD POKER FACE, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS TOUGH FINDING THAT, LIKE, LIBERAL MEN HAVE BETTER POKER FACES. IS IT BECAUSE THEY HAVE -- >> CONSIDER THE FACT THAT AI WAS ESSENTIALLY CONSTRUCTED BY A WHOLE SLEW OF SCHOOLBOYS ON SILICON VALLEY, STILL IN CONSERVATIVE IF YOU TAKE PROGRESSIVE VERSUS CONSERVATIVE. CONSERVATIVES WANT TO HANG ONTO THE GOOD STUFF. SAYING TO THEMSELVES, YOU KNOW WHAT, A LOT THAT WORKS HERE, AMERICA IS IN PERFECT, CAPITALISM, DEMOCRACY, IMPERFECT COME ON, BUT BETTER THAN ANYTHING WE HAVE COME UP WITH. PROGRESSIVES, THE IDEA IS, GOING SOMEPLACE ELSE, THE CITY ON A HILL, WERE GOING TO GET THAT. EMBEDDED RIGHT ON THE IDEOLOGY THAT YOU'RE GOING TO BE DISSATISFIED. LIKE TAKING A VERY LONG CAR RIDE WITH A BUNCH OF CRANKY, UGLY WOMEN. WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH THOSE. I KNOW YOUR COLLEGE YEARS. NOT REALLY A PLEASANT EXPERIENCE. >> IF YOU BELIEVE THERE IS NOTHING POSITIVE IN LIFE, ALL YOU ARE GOING TO DO -- IT IS GOING TO COME OUT OF YOUR PORES. >> THEY WILL NEVER LET THAT GO BECAUSE THAT IS THE BUSINESS MODEL, AND THEY CAN'T, BE OUT OF JOBS. >> EXACTLY. THE ACTIVIST FACE BELONGS IN THE ACTIVISTS CLASS, AND THEY CAN'T LET IT GO, OR THEY WOULD BE OUT ON THEIR ASS. HOW ARE YOU DOING, KAT? >> I'M OKAY. I DON'T BUY ANY OF THIS. >> WHY? >> YOU HAVE TO BE HAPPY FOR PEOPLE TO WANT TO BANG YOU, MY LOVE DOESN'T MAKE SENSE THEN. >> SHE'S GOT A POINT. >> ARE YOU SAYING YOU ARE MISERABLE TODAY. >> I DON'T THINK I GIVE ALL THE SUNSHINE-WIDE VIBE. IT'S FUNNY, NOW CONSERVATIVES LIKE BIASED AI. WE DID WEEKS ON, LIGHT, AI IS BROKEN, NOW THAT IT TELLS YOU YOU ARE HOT, IT IS ALL OVER? >> HUMAN NATURE. ONCE YOU GET A COMPLIMENT, YOU FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE. >> MADE. I ALSO DON'T THINK YOU CAN TELL IF SOMEONE IS HOT BASED ON A PICTURE. SO MANY TIMES I THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS HOT AND THAT I'M LIKE -- RIGHT? >> YOU ARE RIGHT. >> THANK YOU, I THOUGHT SO. TYRUS, DO YOU AGREE THAT THIS IS B.S.? >> YES, DIFFERENT REASONS. I LOOKED AT A LOT OF THOSE FOLDERS, -- IT'S A MARRIED GUY THING I KNOW THE LOOK, THE EMPTY, SOULLESS LOOK IN THE EYES, THE 50TH TIME THEY TOOK THE SAME PICTURE OVER AND OVER AGAIN. NOT YOUR REAL SMILE, WHERE IS THE REAL SMILE, IT IS NEVER ENDING, AND THE GUY ALWAYS HAS TO SAY, LOOK -- THAT IS NOT A REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT THING, THAT IS -- I AM STUCK, FELLOWS. CHECK ON ME. IF YOU LOOK AT THOSE PICTURES ACROSS THE BOARD, LIBERAL DUDES -- DUDES, WE MAKE THAT MISTAKE. MEET A WOMAN, LIKE, I'M INTO ASTRONOMY, IT REALLY RIDICULOUS REPARATIONS AND STUFF, AND YOU WILL BE LIKE, YEAH, ME TOO. AND HE WILL FOLLOW, AND HE WILL TAKE THAT TRAIL, GO ON THAT JOURNEY, HE GETS WHAT HE THOUGHT HE WANTED, NOW HE IS STUCK, SOMEONE THAT WILL TAKE A PICTURE TO SEND YOUR FRIENDS AND THEY SAY THE SAME THING. YOU NEED HELP, BRO? >> THAT WOULD BE THE FUNNIEST TINDER BIO EVER, INTO ASTROLOGY AND REPARATIONS. >> SOME DUDES WOULD BE LIKE, ME TOO. >> IF YOU ARE INTO ASTROLOGY AND REPARATIONS, ONLY GIVE REPARATIONS TO, LIKE, VIRGOS. >> BUT A DUMB GUY WOULD BE LIKE, YEAH, I AGREE, WELL PLAYED. >> I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO SAY THAT. >> IT'S HARD FOR WOMEN -- HONESTLY, I WAS GOING TO DO THIS ON THE MONOLOGUE, COULDN'T DO IT, THE BEFORE AND AFTER PICTURES OF PEOPLE WHO GO WILL. YOU SEE THIS, YOUNG, BEAUTIFUL GIRLS THAT DELIBERATELY DESTROY THE WAY THEY LOOK FOR A COUPLE OF REASONS. ONE, TOLD BY THEIR PEERS IN COLLEGE THAT BEAUTY IS OBJECTIFICATION, THAT IT IS NOT REAL. NO, IT IS REAL. LITTLE KIDS FIND PEOPLE ATTRACTIVE, THEY DEVELOP CRUSHES IN FIRST GRADE, THAT ANTISOCIAL, THAT'S REAL. YOU HAVE THESE YOUNG PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE THAT THERE IS NO TRUTH IN BEAUTY, AND THERE IS TRUTH AND BEAUTY, HATE TO TELL YOU. >> USUALLY UGLY PEOPLE -- >> UGLY PEOPLE NEED FRIENDS. >> COME JOIN US. >> JOIN US. >> NOTHING LIKE SHAVING DOWN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR HEAD, SWEETHEART. THAT'S THE LOOK.
