Gutfeld: The fix is in

PAUSE. [ ♪♪ ] [ ♪♪ ] [ Cheering ] >> ALRIGHT! YEAH! I KNOW. KIND NO. I WOULD FEEL THE SAME WAY IF I WERE YOU. LET'S GET STARTED. ACCORDING TO STORMY DANIELS' HUSBAND THE COUPLE WILL LEAVE THE UNITED STATES IF TRUMP WINS THE TRIAL. SO WAIT A SECOND, SHE HAS A HUSBAND? THAT'S LIKE FINDING AT THE EASTER BUNNY HAS SUPPLENESS. DID SOMEONE HAVE SUBLISTS IN HERE? I'M SORRY I OFFENDED YOU. AND GET THIS, HER HUSBAND IS A PORN STAR TO. DO THEY TALK SHOP AT HOME? I BET HE COMPLAINS WHEN HE DOESN'T HAVE A HARD DAY AT WORK. WOW THIS IS GOING TO BE CLEAN COMEDY. THEY WILL ACTUALLY LEAVE THE UNITED STATES WHICH MEANS STRONGLY WILL ENTER ANOTHER COUNTRY AS OPPOSED TO ANOTHER COUNTRY ENTERING HER. [ Laughter ] >> SORRY. ROSIE O'DONNELL REPORTEDLY SCENT A TEXT MICHAEL COHEN SAYING BREED X., TELL THE TRUTH. YOU GOT THIS. I LOVE YOU. THAT'S THE SAME ADVICE SHE GIVES HERSELF WHEN STRAPPING ON THE FEED BAG. EXECUTIVES AT ABC ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT PHOTOS OF GOOD MORNING AMERICA COHOST DIMARCO MORGAN SHOWING AND POSING WITH A LARGE OLD AND SKINTIGHT BIKER SHORTS. SERIOUSLY WHAT DOES HE THINK THIS IS A WOMAN'S SWING TEAM? [ Cheering ] 16 WOMEN ACCUSED IN MAGICIAN DAVID COPPERFIELD OF SEXUAL MISCONDUCT SEVERAL OF THEM WOULD'VE BEEN UNDERAGE AT THE TIME. GOOD LUCK KEEPING HIM IN JAIL. [ Laughter ] >> A NEW VIDEO SHOWS AVENUES AND DOUBTING HIS SUCCESS IN FIGHTING HOMELESSNESS WHILE ALSO NOTING CALLED -- CALIFORNIA HAS BECOME THE NUMBER 1 DESTINATION FOR CAMPING. NEWSOME SAYS THE STATE HAS A NATIONAL BLUEPRINT FOR SOLVING THE HOMELESS PROBLEM BEFORE HE COULD EXPLAIN FURTHER THOUGH HE WAS HIT IN THE FACE WITH A HANDFUL OF PCS FROM A PASSING VAGRANT. YOU DON'T LIKE VCS EITHER. I AM GOING SO MUCH ABOUT THIS AUDIENCE. 3 MEN ARRESTED FOR THE LEDGES THAT DO 306 CAPITAL WORTH NEARLY $170,000. AUTHORITIES ESSAY DESPITE FINDING THE HERD PIERCED STILL ON THE LOOKOUT FOR 5 OTHERS. [ Applause ] >> NOTE TO SELF THEM LIKE THAT THAT JOKES AND HATE FECES. A WILD BULL ATTACKING BYSTANDERS AT A POPULAR LOS CABOS BEACH. IT'S THE MOST TERRIFYING THING TOURISTS HAVE SEEN AT A BEACH'S INSTANCE. IT APPEARS THE DEBATE OUR LIVES. BIDEN AND TRUMP ARE ACTUALLY PLANNING TO STAND ON THE SAME STAGE AGAIN AND DEBATE EACH OTHER. JOE TOLD US ABOUT AND IN A CERTAIN -- 132nd VIDEO THAT HAD BAR CUTS THEN THE RISKS OF A DEPRESSED GOLF. WATCH. >> DONALD TRUMP LOST 2 DEBATES TO ME IN 2020 IS SINCE THEN HASN'T SHOWN UP FOR 1. NOW HE'S ACTING LIKE HE WANTS TO DEBATE ME AGAIN. MAKE MY DAY PAL I'LL EVEN DO A TOYS. LET'S PICK THE DAY DONALD I HEAR YOU'RE FREE A WEDNESDAYS. >> MAKE MY DAY THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES CHOATE DAY IS TAKING UP IS UNDER 20 MIN'S. HILARIOUSLY THE BIDEN CAMPAIGN CLAIMS HE DIDN'T MINCE WORDS. >> THE PRESIDENT HIMSELF DID NOT MINCE WORDS HE SAID HE BEAT DOLLAR TRUMP TWICE IN 2020. DOLLARS FROM HASN'T DEBATED SINCE. THE PRESIDENT IS HAPPY TO DEBATE AND HAPPY TO DO IT TWICE. >> DIDN'T MINCE WORDS? THEY WERE LITERALLY MINCED IN THAT VIDEO. THE WORDS WERE MORE CHOPPED THAN DR JOE SLICED STEAMED BANANAS SHE FEEDS HIM EVERY MORNING. BUT WHO NEEDS THE ABILITY TO FORM SENTENCES OUT OF DID THEY ESPECIALLY WITH THE TELEPROMPTER TELLING HIM WENT TO PAUSE AND NOT [ Bleep ] his pens. SAY WHAT YOU WANT ABOUT TRUMP BUT HE HAS NO PROBLEM NOT TALKING. THE ONLY GUY STORMY DANIELS SAID MAJOR EARS SORT. BUT WITH BIDEN THEY NEED TO SLICE AND DICE. IN FACT, WE GOT OUR HANDS ON THE ORIGINAL OF THE VIDEO OR CHECK IT OUT. >> LET'S DO THIS THING. COME ON. DONALD TRUMP LOST -- DEBATES IN 1920. DONALD TRUMP LOST 2 DEBATES TO BE 1920. WHAT CENTURY IS IT? DOUBLE TRUMP LOST 2 -- PRETTY SNEAKY SAYS. WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM IN 2020? SAYS HER HE IS IN SHOWN FOR A DEBATE. NOW HE WANTS TO HAVE A DEBATE, NOW HE'S ACTING LIKE HE WANTS TO DEBATE ME AGAIN. [ ♪♪♪ ] >> WE'LL MAKE MY DAY PAL. WHAT IF I GOT TO DO TWICE? DEBATE. MAKE MY DAY PAL. UNIT WHO SAID THAT? EAST CLINTWOOD. CLINT BLACK. BILL CLINTON. IN DOWN BEHIND THE SHED LET'S GO FOR THE DEBATE DONALD. THE DEAD DID DATES DEBATES. I HEAR YOU'RE FREE WEDNESDAY. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? ANTHONY! [ Cheering and Applause ] >> SOMETHING IS IN THE WATER AT FOX. ANYWAY FOR THOSE OF US WITHOUT DEMENTIA JOAN SAID DEMAND FOR DEBATE IS A BIG SURPRISE. EARLIER THE BIDEN CAMPAIGN DISMISSED THE IDEA. I'M NOT GOING TO DEBATE A CRIMINAL HE CROWED. LAST TIME I SAW 180 LIKE THAT BRIAN STELTER FORGOT HAPPENS ORDER AT THE BURGER KING DRIVE-THROUGH. SO WHY THE CHANGE OF HEART AND NOT THE MOTHERLY 1 WHEN THEY REPLACE ALL JOE'S ORGANS? OUR FRIEND THINKS IT'S A SET OF. KEEP AN EYE ON THE DETAILS OF HOW THIS ALL COMES TOGETHER YOU DON'T OFTEN SEE A SUDDEN 18 LIKE THIS UNLESS THERE IS MORE TO THE STORY. IF THAT SOUNDS PARANOID WAIT TILL I TELL YOU HOW JAY K. KILLED LEE HARVEY OSWALD. [ Laughter ] >> BIDEN IS DEMANDING ALSO TO BE NO AUDIENCE. NO AUDIENCE WHICH GRANTED IS SOMETHING JOE IS USED TO. USUALLY WHEN HE IS IN A ROOM WITH MORE THAN 3 PEOPLE ITS ON A GURNEY AS NURSES SCREAM DON'T WALK INTO THE LIGHT. BUT I GUESS THE AUDIENCE IS BAD BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING SCARIER THEN A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE WHO CAN RELATE TO THE PEOPLE. STILL OUR OLD PAL CHRIS WALLACE THINKS IT'S A GREAT IDEA BECAUSE WHO PEOPLE ARE SUCH A PAIN IN THE NECK. I ALWAYS FELT THAT THE AUDIENCE WAS A PAIN IN NECK. SOME PEOPLE ARE SAYING ITS GOING TO HURT TRUMP BECAUSE HE PLAYS TO OCCUR. AT GETS OVERSTATED THE ADVANTAGE IT GIVES EITHER 1 OF THEM. IDLING THEIR PAY MUCH ATTENTION TO IT AND I THINK IT REMOVES AN UNNECESSARY DISTRACTION. >> OKAY SO IT'S THE AUDIENCE THAT RISKS DISTRACTION PIERCED SOMETHING CHRIS NEVER HAD TO WORRY ABOUT AT CNN PLUS. THE AUDIENCE CONSISTENTLY WAS IN THE STUDIO AND THE GHOST OF HIS DISAPPOINTED FATHER. I'M SORRY. OF COURSE TRUMP MADE THIS DEMAND HE WOULD BE ACCUSED OF SUPPRESSING THE WILL OF PEOPLE DEMOCRACY AND FREE SPEECH. ANOTHER BIDEN DEMAND OF COURSE NO RFK JUNIOR. I GET IT. IMAGINE A GUY WHO SOUNDS LIKE KATHARINE HEPBURN SOUNDING MORE COHERENT THAN YOU EVER COULD. AND THE CONDUIT -- CANDIDATES MICROPHONE MUST BE MUTED AFTER A LOT OF TIME THAT WEIGH JOE CAN FART AWAY AT WILL. OF COURSE THEY WANT TO MINIMIZE HIS DAMAGE I'M SURPRISED THEY DIDN'T ADD NO CANDIDATES EITHER. THAT THE MEDIA IS COOL WITH THIS ESPECIALLY SINCE JOE GOT TO PICK HIS TEAMMATES OTHERWISE KNOWN AS HOSTS. JAKE TAPPER AND DANA BASH. SOUNDS LIKE A TERRIBLE BRITISH BREAKFAST. SO THOSE ARE THE 2 UNBIASED JOURNALISTS. TRUMP PRESIDENCY IS COMING TO AN END. RETURNS AND MILLIONS OF OUR FELLOW AMERICANS, A LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE IS OVER. >> INSULTS AND OUTRIGHT LIES THAT'S WHAT WE HEARD FROM DONALD TRUMP AND ISLAND AS WE CAN. >> THE THE DEHUMANIZING RHETORIC OF ADOLF HITLER IS ONCE AGAIN ALIVE AND LONGEST TIME GIVEN LIFE BY FORMER PRESIDENT AND CURRENT AEROBIC AND PRESIDENTIAL FRONT-RUNNER DONALD TRUMP. >> AS HE WAS TALKING WAS TRY TO REACH OUT TO SOME SENIOR REPUBLICANS TO ASK WHEN THE INTERVENTION WILL HAPPEN. THIS ISN'T JUST DANGEROUS, IT'S NONSENSICAL. >> UNDER MY VOICE YOU HEAR HIM REPEATING HIS ANTI-IMMIGRANT RHETORIC. >> WOW TALK ABOUT A. THEY'RE GOING TO BE AS SUBJECTIVE AS CHRIS CHRISTIE AT A LARGE TASTING. MEANWHILE SOME OF THE MEDIA SEEM TO ALREADY YOUNG HIS EAGERNESS TO DEBATE ALMOST IMMEDIATELY AFTER BIDEN'S VIDEO DROPPED DETAILS THEY ARE THINKING OF THE DEBATE QUOTE SENIOR ADVISERS FELT THEY COULD SKIP THEM AS THE REELECTION CAMPAIGN HAS BEEN POSITIONING ITSELF AS THE 1 PUSHING FOR DEMOCRACY AND TRANSPARENCY. MOREOVER IT WOULD FEEL TALKED BIDEN WAS ENOUGH FOR THE RIGOURS FOR THE JOB ITSELF ERGO ASIDE AHEAD OF TIME I GUESS THE FIX IS IN BECAUSE BIDEN IS LOSING. A COURT CASES AREN'T WORKING. EVERY TIME TRUMP SHOWS UP IN COURT HIS APPROVAL RATING SCHOOL. BUFF THEM OR HATE HIM HE IS GOT THAT THING THAT ATTRACTS VIEWERS. SOME PEOPLE HAVE IT AND SOME PEOPLE DON'T. BUT PERHAPS THERE IS OTHER TRICKS IN THE WORKS, MEDIA BIG NEW HOPES THAT WILL APPEAR THAT LETS JOE BACK OUT ON THE BASIS OF WEEKEND DEBATE THIS MAN A CONVICTION PERHAPS THE MY GIFT OF THE EXCUSE WE CAN'T DEBATE A FELON. SO THE STAGE IS NOT SET FOR A DEBATE ET CETERA SOMETHING ELSE. IF THIS WAS A FIGHT BIDEN WOULD BE QUAKING IN HIS PAMPERS. THEY'RE ALREADY INTERFERING WITH ELECTIONS RIGHT IN FRONT OF US WITH THESE COURT CASES, IMAGINE WHAT THEY ARE DOING BEHIND OUR BACKS WITHOUT THE COURTESY OF A REACH AROUND? YOU'RE A PERVERT. DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH EXPECTING A FIGHT. THAT'S NOT -- NOT PART OF THE DEMOCRAT PLAYBOOK IS IT HAVE A TRAPDOOR INSTALLED FOR TRUMP AND SOMETHING WORSE INSTALLED FOR YOU AND ME. [ Applause ] >> LET'S BRING IN OUR NEXT GUEST! HER LANGUAGES SO SALTY PRETZEL MAKERS WANT TO BACK HER. [ Cheering ] >> HE MAKES MORE RANDOM NOISES AND A 93 LEBRON. AFTER COMMUTING GENERAL OR. POPEYE ONCE CHEATED ON OLIVE OYL WITH HER, NEW YORK TIMES BEST-SELLING AUTHOR AND FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR -- [ Cheering ] >> ENDED TRUCK IS HIS TOILET PAIR NEW YORK TIMES BEST-SELLING -- [ Cheering ] >> ALRIGHT EMILY WHAT DO YOU MAKE A LIST SUDDEN DECISION TO DEBATE? WHAT'S THE REAL STORY? >> THE FIRST THOUGHT THAT WENT THROUGH MY MIND IS THAT THIS IS A COUP TOTALLY. OTHERWISE WHY ELSE WOOD THEY SERVE UP THE CREEK KEEPER AND ACTUALLY THINK YOU WOULD CARRY THE FLAG. THAN I THOUGHT TO MYSELF THIS IS THEIR MANUFACTURED ANSWER TO THE FACT THE MEDIA AND AMERICANS HAVE BEEN CALLED FOR A DEBATE. THIS ENABLES THEM TO SAY HE SAID HE WOULD, HE SAID HE WOULD DO 2. IT SHUTS UP THE GROUND SWELL OF PEOPLE WE'RE SEEING KAPOSI AND PRESIDENT SHOULD BE ABLE TO ACTUALLY DEBATE AND OTHER CANDIDATE ON POLICY HOWEVER EVERY BONE IN MY BODY DOESN'T THINK IT WILL ACTUALLY HAPPEN. I AGREE WITH YOU WHOLEHEARTEDLY. IS LIKE THE SCENE IN GLADIATOR WHEN THE HIDEOUS ONES SHANKED THE ATTRACTIVE 1 AND -- GLADIATOR THANK YOU RUSSELL CROWE. WHOLE POINT IS AMERICANS WANT A FIGHT. KNOWN IS CHEERING OR SOMEONE GETTING BEAT UP AND MURDERED WHILE THEIR HANDS ARE TIED BEHIND THEY'RE BACK. BUT THIS MANUFACTURED DEBATE IS EXACTLY THAT. NO AUDIENCE, NO MICROPHONES KNOW THIS. THE MEDIA WILL CARRY WITH IT AND PRO HE TOTALLY 1. IF HE DIDN'T 1 -- WHEN THEY WOULD SAY LOOK OUT HE SHOT HIM DOWN. THEY WOULD CREATE NEW MAR LODGE. BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY I THINK EVERYTHING HE DOES IS BENEATH THE OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENCY BUT NOTHING MORE SO THAN HIS CROWING AND GLEE AND A FORMER PRESIDENT ACING CRIMINAL CHARGES AND HIM SAYING FREE ON WEDNESDAYS GIVE THE TEACHER TO YOUR SON. >> EMILY A PIECE OF ADVICE WHEN YOU'RE USING A FILM ANALOGY TRY TO LEARN THE CHARACTER. [ Laughter ] >> THAT'S ALL I GOT FOR YOU THERE. JIM. AS AN EXPERT IN STRANGE NOISES CAN YOU MAKE A NOISE THAT DESCRIBES WHAT THE DEBATE MIGHT BE LIKE WE. >> A LOT OF THAT. TELLS ME HE ACCIDENTALLY SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LIES THAT DEBATE." HE SAID IT THEN HIS TEAM -- IS LIKE ME SAYING I GO AROUND WITH TYLER ARLO FIGHT FIGHT HIM 1 DAY. IT'S NOT A RECORD. OKAY WELL ALRIGHT. BUT HE CAN'T USE HIS ARMS. AND THEY GET THE FIRST 10 PUNCHES. YOU WOULD STILL LOSE THOUGH. >> HIS FEET COULD KILL YOU. >> I DID NOT WRITE THAT 1. THAT WAS 1 OF THE FEW POOP JOKES I DIDN'T WRITE. I THOUGHT THAT 1 WAS BENEATH ME. LIKE MANY POOP JOKES. DEW YOU THINK THIS IS REAL? DON'T TRUST THE DEMOCRATS. THEY ARE DOING LAW A RIGHT NOW WHAT'S GOING ON? >> IT'S HARD TO SAY. RARELY HOPE IT HAPPENS THOUGH. I DON'T BELIEVE MUCH SPORTS SO THE DEBATES ARE ONE-TIMER I FEEL LIKE HOW SPORTSPEOPLE FEEL. WATCHING AND OTHER PEOPLE HAS THEIR TAKES. I HONESTLY THINK THE RULES THEY WOULDN'T HURT TRUMP MUCH AT THE GOOD STUFF TO DEBATE SOMEONE LIKE RYDEN AND ASKED OUR QUESTION OF SOMEONE WHO LOOKS ACUTELY QUESTION YOU SHOULD BS IN THEM IS DO YOU NEED A RIDE TO THE HOSPITAL? SO ANYTHING THEY CAN BE SET UP TO MAKE IT LOOK NICER TO HIM IT'S SO EASY TO LOOK LIKE YOU'RE BULLYING THE GUY. >> I WILL QUOTE A CELL PHONE A SAID BIDEN'S BIGGEST STRENGTH IS HIS WEAKNESS. I SAID AT LAST THEY. >> WELCOME TO MY LIFE IN AMERICA. >> ALRIGHT TIRES WE TALKED ABOUT THIS IN THE GREEN ROOM SO MICHAEL COHEN CLAIMS CUSA PHONE CALL WITH TRUMP ABOUT STORMY DANIELS AND THEY FIND OUT NOW IT WAS ACTUALLY A PRANK. >> AS A 14-YEAR-OLD PRANK CALL OR, I DON'T MANY -- KNOW HOW MANY EPISODES OF CATCH A PREDATOR I HEARD THAT ON BECAUSE A 14-YEAR-OLD CULLING UP GOING IS YOUR REFRIGERATOR RUNNING? YES, IT IS WILL GO CATCH IT! CLICK. FBI THERE'S A 14-YEAR-OLD TEASING YOU. KNOW THAT'S NOT WHY YOU CALLED THE FBI. OVER IT WAS TRUMP'S BODYGUARD HE CALLS, YOU DON'T CALL OVER A PRINT COLOUR. >> I'M A RETIRED BODYGUARD. WHEN YOU CALL US IT'S THE FIXER SITUATION. WHAT DO I DO? THE GREAT SCENE FROM THE SECOND GODFATHER, THAT'S THE BODYGUARD. NO 1'S GONNA KNOW THEIR NAME WHEN DALE ASKED FAVOUR YOU ONLY CALL FOR HELP WHEN YOU [ Bleep ] up. SO IT'S DISGUSTING. THIS GUY CAN'T GET ANY WORSE BUT WHAT'S MORE DISGUSTING TO ME IS THE FACT YOU HAD UNMITIGATED GOAL ON THIS SHOW TO SAY THE BACK. I DON'T GIVE A DIDN'T PESTER THE OUT BEEN SAYING THIS SINCE DAY 1. THAT THERE IS NO DEBATE. FACT EVEN SET THE DATE. WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO IS PRESENT YET. HAVE A HEATHER LITTLE PARTIES TO SAY WHO'S GOING TO BE PRESENT AND REPRESENT? KNOW HE JUST RANDOMLY DROP. JUNE 27 LET'S HAVE A FIGHT. JFK CAN'T COME BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT HE COULD HAVE MADE IT. BUT HE, BACK I COULD MAKE IT. WHAT KEPT THE OTHER GUY BE THERE? >> BREAK POINT. >> THERE IS NO DEBATE.

Channel: Fox News

Views: 418,606

Keywords: fnc, fox news, fox news channel, fox news gutfeld show, fox news media, fox news network, fox news voices, greg gutfeld, greg gutfeld reacts, greg gutfled monologue, gutfeld, gutfeld monologue, gutfeld monologue tonight, gutfeld panel, gutfeld!, gutfeld! tonight, kat timpf, kat timpf gutfeld, tyrus, tyrus gutfeld, tyrus murdoch

Id: MAPsmMLiEzw

Length: 18min 38sec (1118 seconds)

Published: Fri May 17 2024