Guest Speaker Chase Hughes https://www.chasehughes.com/

all right welcome chase and we have please over here cheers huges he has again you know I can't I don't have words to describe how awesome he is so I will let him describe as to what he does and how he's going to help you today to become a better communicator so chase yeah thanks for having me on Andy and I think this is one of those things that we never see in in business school and if if most of business is communication and two-thirds of communication by any measure of any any scientific study two-thirds of it is nonverbal communication and body language and behavioral skills it makes up less than 1% of of our business string and we I mean it's kind of a universal agreement we agree that communication is one of the most important things it's almost as important as or just as important as knowing how to handle finances or do contract work or business law if not more important than those things and I think there's a major gap because there's a lack of knowledge and training about it there's no lack of academic research for this but I think a lot of us we are reading behavior on a subconscious level all the time and it's it's deep into our brain to the point where the part of our brain that is able to read other people's behavior is like ten to a hundred million years old it's this middle part of the brain here this little animal mammalian part of our brain that sits down here and if you if you stick your fingers in your ear right now that would be you'd be pointing to that part of your brain that's where it is right there and right there in the middle and I've spent my entire career as a 20 year military veteran most of my career was in intelligence to work and doing sneaky stuff in in foreign places and if behavior was a big deal I talked to people for a living and brain intelligence operations and over those 20 years I sought out to develop some of the most advanced programs for our government and for our intelligence agencies and there are so much studies so many academic studies that support this that we have genetic memory passed down to be able to read behavior and nonverbal communication language just the ability for for you to understand me right now and for us to speak to each other language is something that we don't pass down because it's so new it's brand new to our species and in terms of the grand scheme of our existence here on earth but we are born with nonverbal communication we're born with these facial expressions of sadness happiness anger fear surprise disgust all of these facial expressions are we come straight out of the package ready to go with those ready to rock along with a ton of other nonverbal things see there are some people that actually automatically get they say you know what nonverbal communication is absolutely essential that's how you can judge people and also tailor your message accordingly yeah other I won't call them skeptics but there are other that say hey you know what I'm an accountant you know I'm an engineer or whatever my skills is gonna prove Who I am why do I need to tailor my message to other people or why should I even bother reading other people so what would you say to people you know like that yeah it's a wonderful question and very valid for anybody who hasn't done the research it's a valid question the valid concern there is a massive pile of not just research but everyday evidence we can see it in our lines that people who have higher social skills they are able to connect with other people they're able to speak better they're able to read other people better they're more likely to get promoted they're more likely to get hired they're more likely to make more money they're more likely to get out of speeding tickets that's the person more likely to get upgraded in first class they're more likely to be enjoyed by their peers or people like them there and they're also more likely to get favorable evaluations from their managers and bosses and companies so these skills aren't just something that it's a good thing to have like maybe shake somebody's hand firmly look him in the eye use their name that kind of old old hat stuff they're not just a good to have it's an essential for today's society that no matter what we're doing even if our job is not interacting with customers we're still interacting with our management we're interacting with people around us our co-workers and how we interact with people plays a massive difference in the results the end result of our life will be spelled out by relationships is a proof of Who I am message to them would be hey you are awesome that is scared but at the end of the day look around look around at the people that are getting promoted look at the people that actually rise through the corporate ladder what kind of skills do they have are you the kind that is gonna go up the ladder or are you the kind that plane that hey somebody with lesser skills was able to climb the ladder and not me so you know to to people like that what would you say I mean quickly what are the things that somebody should you know get started like you know what are the things that they should notice as they're talking to people or as they are in a room full of people what should be notice how should be utilized and what are the do's and don'ts you know what they should or shouldn't do because there is comfort literature on body language there are certain things that you should ignore and there are certain things that you definitely should yeah for sure and that that part of our brain that that reads nonverbal communication that's the part where we've all had an experience where we talk to somebody and everything looks great on the surface but then afterwards after that conversation we had that feeling like well I don't know why but something's off I don't either I don't trust that person something doesn't add up something doesn't feel right and that's typically what a lot of people say something doesn't feel right and the reason that we get those feelings about human beings is because of nonverbal communication and this this mammalian part of our brain down here it cannot speak English it's completely uncapable of talking in any language the language abilities out on the outside the top part of our brain makes us human so when it reads this nonverbal communication and we are born with the ability to read nonverbal communication I promise you there's a billion studies that show this it's the same reason we're born with facial expressions those are genetic memories and we can even pass down trauma so like if somebody today has a phobia of trains one of their ancestors could have been hurt by a train this is 100% proven by research it's called genetic trauma and that part of the brain has been reading behavior for ten to a hundred million years so what makes it really reliable we can read another person's expressions emotions during a negotiation a job interview but when you're trying to go on a date with somebody or just getting along with co-workers or your boss nonverbal communication is reliable because it's programmed into all of us and most of it all throughout our lives is unconscious and there's so many things we can look for but there are a few powerful words what's a what's a situation that would benefit your students I could I could illustrate my students how would you like maybe 10 seconds they're wearing jewelry whatever what is it that what would you say are a few things the personality makes decisions or how the person decides to do certain things sure so right away if I'm walking up to a group of people I automatically know that socially all of us humans we point our feet directly our feet will gradually in a conversation point towards the person who is the social alpha or the leader of the group when I teach police officers and intelligence agencies this is one of the tiny tricks they learn on the first day but if I'm interacting with one person the first thing that I'm looking for every time is whether or not the head is held over their heart so this is basically just posture so is this person open or are they more likely to be reserved or shy is their posture good or bad that indicates a lot about a person's internal state because our typically our posture is not a conscious thing we don't choose to sit forward that's something our body does automatically if we feel depressed or sad the posture starts changing but in a conversation especially in some kind of negotiation or job interview if someone starts blinking faster than normal faster than they have been they're becoming stressed and that is a huge deal and it's a extremely reliable indicator this this blink rate that the the more stress the person is the more and more often or the faster they will blink and the more focus and interest it is a person is in the conversation the less often they'll blink so at the high end our blink rate like we say we're taking a final exam for a course that we don't really like or we find really challenging our blink rate just during that exam is probably around 270 blinks per minute and watching a really badass movie something that that really captures all of our focus and attention our blink rate might be a 3 per minute and that's a massive difference and it's very easy to see the shift and increase in decrease throughout the conversation gives you a extremely reliable indicator and the reason that it's reliable is because how often are we aware of how often we're blinking it's not something that happens we're not like we're not mentally processing that all the time so that is an unconscious response to stress so we can measure that in the moment you go to a restaurant if they ever open up again you go out to a restaurant or a bar and you watch people talking to each other you can see from across a room who's stressed out who's more relaxed in the conversation I'm not even participating I'm looking across an airport I know who is getting more stressed out who is enjoying the conversation who's focused on the other person and it is such a cool trick that you could just take this one technique and you know I teach massive courses on how to read people in extreme ways on our site and to our to our government but this one trick is really cool my kids started learning this when they were like 4 to 5 and it is an extremely valuable skill and another great one that I would say if you see someone squeeze their lips together you need to understand they're holding back an opinion about something and this is a great one it's not that they're being deceptive it's not that they're trying to conceal or hide something from you they're typically just withholding it so think about last time you asked somebody and you say oh how do you how do you like that new business class you're taking and the person squeezes their lips and they say oh it's great right afterwards that's a big deal there's a withheld opinion there and think about like if you're talking about something and you mention something that the person is withholding an opinion about you'll see the lips squeeze together so let's say I was watching a video and I mention a politician that the person doesn't like the moment that I say the politician I say Trump or buy dinner Clinton or you know whoever right as the name comes out the person goes mmhmm yeah and you'll see the lips squeeze together it is such a one of the most telltale signs in especially in just normal social conversations but you'll see it in job interviews you'll see it in business negotiations in the courtroom you'll see it everywhere people don't even pay attention to so I just want to backtrack a little but you said head about the heart I mean would again just that there's their spine is straight okay okay so most people like if you ask them point to the top of your spine they'll point down here somewhere up the top of our spine is up here even with our ears that's where the spine ends back okay so just that the the spine is straightened that the person is confident or open okay and that's what I'm looking for so that's one thing and the other thing is you said the blink rate mm-hmm now let's say the blink blink rate is going up or the person is not showing interest mm-hmm so what do you do you in that scenario it there's a lot of things we can do that we may not have time time for yeah but a lot of things in conversation redirect our focus very easily so if we use just a couple of phrases that that cause focus like and the number one thing is or and the thing that I really found out or what was most important and we just have phrases like this then we can say we're regenerating focus another way we can do this is to step to the side and cause the person and that we're speaking to to reorient their body even if it's only an inch a tiny shift of the shoulders moving left or right Oh small reorienting the body and then using the person's name the blink rate goes up and I say yeah in and II what I thought was really interesting so I did your name and a phrase that will generate a little temporary spark in refocusing your attention so when you said move a little bit let's say you know the person is kind of moving away so you kind of move towards so you're facing them better and this way so you are the center of their attention something to that effect yeah so that's actually one thing I would advise the students not to do okay if we're in one-on-one situations this facing directly in front of a person triggers a primal instinct of a potential threat oh okay so this is how animals face off to each other so anytime we're in a conversation there should be a little bit of anger between you and the other person so we should never be facing directly so it should be just a little bit a little bit facing away and that's a that's another way to do it also let's see if we are talking to someone and we we noticed that they don't wear my jewelry their dress plain so would it be okay to kind of conclude from that that that person actually likes to go straight to the point and you don't want to tell them any stories or how would you tailor because it could be that the same person is going on and on and that person is a no-nonsense person they just want you to come to the point or maybe that person doesn't like to come to the point they would rather hear some other stories so what would you say how would you read a person as to what is what is it then and they prefer they prefer you know straight facts or they prefer that you shoes a little bit with them and then you bring out interesting ideas how would you approach that I might assume that at the beginning so there will be two big things that I would do in that situation to assess the the person so number one is I would ask them a question so like what do you do for a living and you say oh I teach I teach at the University of Houston I say what are you what's like the coolest thing what do you like most about that job it's got it sounds pretty interesting and your response you will be giving me what you'd like to receive so if your answer is short factual and statement oriented to the point that's what you'd like to receive so just a small regular social question like that is great so if I go in there and I assume this person might might need to hear some stories and some social dialogue here back and forth before they start becoming comfortable but in the middle of me telling them stories they're blink rate goes up instantly I'll switch back to just dealing in facts and I'll say but you know that's enough of that here's here's the core things that you need to know and I would just transition right into that so that's good so would you say if it's mostly a trial and error you're like you know playing a tennis that's what communication is you kind of understand where the person is coming from and based on that you communicate accordingly right right so we learn a lot about the person just just in that initial communication I know that their their lips tightened when I mentioned whatever you know I know either a I'm in a sales situation and the moment that I start talking about the interest rate or the payments I see the lips squeezed together or the blink rate go up I know right then that I have a problem not at the end of the negotiation or the sale and that's a major factor that would that could save companies millions of dollars so knowing that right then and being able to address it instead of waiting to the end asking so do we have a deal and the person says no and we never knew why so now we just and that's when people excuse it away like well you know you can't get them all well I think you can yeah there is a way to do it you just have to find the right combination right that's right so most of my students are at a lower level and they are probably talking to people right so there's automatically your power distance there and so one would what is it what would you suggest to my students that they do to either use that power distance to their advantage or to somehow go around that power distance I would absolutely use that okay and if the person if the person you're speaking to wants to be seen as in charge and most people do I'm saying like 90 percent of people I would enjoy that we still act the same but I think a lot of people especially younger people that I have I have interns it that work for my company that I have interns that work for my employees and when I speak to them a lot of times they default to deference so they want to be very submissive and I don't think that's the right way to be unless you're do with some extreme narcissist or something like that that they want you to be comfortable because the more the less comfortable you are to normal people if you're talking to somebody even if it's a high up manager and that person has empathy the more discomfort that you experienced the more you're causing in the person in the leader that you're speaking to especially if the person has empathy that's an interesting point so what what are the things that you would suggest my students do to be a better communicator I know you have lots of courses you have lots of training material so for again you know I like to give it to students where they need to do just the minimum to get the maximum results that's how we roll in this world so what would you know how would they get started to become a better communicator because you did actually give a lot of good golden nuggets which is the blink rate which you're not even aware of their own blink rate to get a multi-plate of somebody else and then paying attention to the body language or how their posture is all these things may sound too complicated for something right so what would you suggest I mean yeah yeah so one of the biggest things that our brain looks for in conversations when we decide if we like somebody or not is something called social resonance and this is if the person talking to you is saying something exciting or sad or depressing or interesting or entertaining so they're telling you what they love about their their job and you can see their face light up their eyebrows go up a person who's friendly and who has social skills and who has a lot of empathy you'll see their face match the other person so they're getting it they're hearing a story about something exciting you'll see the face also light up at the same time the other person's face lights up and that's something that we can do it takes almost no effort whatsoever and it has a huge result with human behavior and another one in if you're speaking to somebody figure out what kind of language that they like to use and this is just and there's there several profiling techniques for language and I'll give you an easy one that really works well because we see interrogations and I interrogation to our our intelligence agencies and these interrogations last eleven fifteen twenty two hours and it's it's borderline ridiculous and sometimes towards the end of the interrogation the interrogator is it's it's our number twelve or something they're trying to get a confession or some intelligence and the interrogator actually accidentally uses that person's language and suddenly they confess and the interrogator never knew that he did that on accident he just said well it took 12 hours but we finally got him what one thing we noticed yeah and one thing we noticed is that every time you go back and watch all of these the confession happens the moment that person uses the language and uses the person's behavioral profile to speak to them so one of the things that I teach in the course is what type of pronouns people use and this is not like the he or she whether somebody's transgender or something like that this is the pronouns either like talking about self team or other people do they tend to talk about we and us an hour if you ask him about a vacation they took with their family to Florida they'll either talk about their experience or they'll use my family and I did this and then we did this or they'll talk about others we've got to meet so many interesting people I sat next to this guy on the plane who did XY and Z and when we were on the beach I met this other person did whatever and the others people are rare it's about 15% of the population but how is that person speaking they speak mostly in terms of I me and my so if you ask somebody from an NBA standpoint like what do you like about your new job and they said well you know my benefits are great I've got my own parking spot my medical and dental are way better than my last company and I've got this corner office that's really badass and the guy that I'm working for is great my I got it my own computer it's brand new I get to take it home every day to get to keep it if I ever get fired I'm gonna keep the computer so it's all my own I'm talking about me so somebody whose team would say we would ask the same question what do you like about your new job and they'd say well everybody there is fantastic the team that we're working with is great everybody sits in the same area it's a lot easier to communicate between everybody everybody likes to get together in the break rooms they go out on Thursday nights and have margaritas together they'll talk about teams it's either family or coworkers it doesn't matter it's still a team that they're a part of and we start speaking that way and we start speaking their language so in a lot of sales or negotiation situations I've got a guy who's talking about his family his basketball team that he coaches of women he's talking about his co-workers and the whole time I'm pitching him how he will personally benefit from all of this and I'm making a big mistake and maybe towards the end of that conversation I accidentally say I think you guys will really benefit from this and this is a great solution for everybody that you work with it'll bring everybody together bring everybody closer together or help your team function better and finally I get a close to the sale but I never know why I just I just tell myself the guy finally came around but what I did was accidentally use this the type of language that that person uses because this brings up a really interesting point is like some people say hey you know what I always get just one-word answers so would it be fair to say in that case is you're actually not speaking their language or you're not you know tapping in to what it is important for them would it be like nobody could say you know second he is super into that but they give one-word answer from what you're telling me is actually that's not true even an introvert loves to talk about either themselves or the others or even the experiences of the things like simply like they could say I love that it is in downtown I love the building I love it surround apart so they are actually you know talking about not the job you know you know so so would you say that when simply say that I'm getting one would answer the person is an introvert would you say that that is actually you're not tapping into you when it is that excites them yeah absolutely yeah so there's no such thing I mean there are in towards next four words we look at words differently differently and I I know there are lots of studies about myers-briggs but you know there are other opinions about why give me not the most effective way to look at so I know you're very busy you have lots of things going on so if there anything else that you would share in how would somebody because we have pretty smart awesome intelligent students that has spent good part of their life studying whatever it is accounting is the point in marketing you name it why is it that they have not spent even maybe what six months in their life studying body language or or reading people why is that what would would you I don't know why universities don't do that okay it's one of the top skills and we can go if you go and just ask your students this like if if we took the top sales guy from every fortune 500 company and we took the best leaders from each one of those companies the guys who've moved up the fastest and they're they're respected they're extremely well respected are they gonna be the people who've read all the books and went to all the college courses and learned all the stuff about leadership and management or will they be the person who can read anybody they can talk to anybody and everybody likes them because they're a great communicator Universal we all agree it's it's the other one it's not the tactics techniques person who's read all the books and and done all the university research ever like ever so and that's what I find strange that we don't include some of that in the university curriculum because it's a we unanimously agree that it's the second type of person that moves up I think this is this is such an important skill and you know like for skeptics or the people that say you know I'm busy what steps can you tell them like you know step one step two so that they can start you know in something that is simple let's say you know now it is you could still go to a dollar store or a Walmart what it is that they could do to say hey you know that's good I mean I'm getting a better response from the cashier or from people around me then would you say for them to do to start getting the wins right away so this way they'll be more excited to do or to study it more and become better communicators I wish I could wrap that up and I'm like a 60-second snippet but I would I would genuinely try to use these skills as much as you can just a couple of things that we've just talked about will skyrocket how people pay attention to us and be genuinely interested in other people and one of the fastest most fast ways to do this is find out what they view themselves as being good at not what they're good at this strengths finder stuff like if I'm a manager the strengths finder stuff I believe is total BS I'm just a behavior scientist so maybe don't take my word for it but if I haven't like a Microsoft Excel project a massive one and it's got to have six thousand formulas in it and all this all this other stuff and I've got a guy in my company that works for me and he's the best at Microsoft Excel he's the best but he doesn't really care about it that much but I've got this guy over here and he views himself as the best he brags about how good he is he might not be the best which one of them is gonna work harder on that project which one's gonna take it home at night and watch youtubes to make sure it's perfect which one of them is gonna outsource or call Microsoft's support to make sure everything's polished this guy so instead of me selecting people based on strengths I select people based on what they view their strengths are you get so much better results from your employees you get better results from anybody that you deal with and in just a conversation with a person if you express a little bit of naivete about something that somebody's really good at so I'm a little bit fascinated and I'm completely naive with what you view yourself as being really good at they'll talk forever maybe one day we could have a longer session and you can you know talk more about the myers-briggs and you know you have many ways of treating people as well as strength finders because I do teach leadership courses you know when on some other day we'll bring you as mythbuster for strength finder or myers-briggs Buster yeah the big question do you br-2 now if we could do it we could do an episode there's near done awesome so thank you so much chase for being here I know you're very busy you have lots of things going on so if somebody is more interested in you they want to find more about you and you know you of course I mean the best thing about you is you're transitioning or you're using these skills that were used in a different environment and you're bringing them you're applying them in a business environment right you know you learned a lot of these things integrating you know and doing some amazing things with in the law enforcement and of course your military background but you're bringing into the business side so if somebody is more interested in finding more about you what do you know find out what about what you have well there's a ton of free training on my site there's even free books I have a free 70 page book on how to develop rapport with anybody which is right there on the website and it's all just chasing us calm my name is down here I think somewhere yeah well yeah it is here right here and also when I'm sending this video I'll actually include the link to your website as well it's great and we have you know now that we are quarantined I have a ton of online courses that you can take there live with me on zoom' you can ask questions and there's a ton of stuff on the website you don't to pay a dime for all right thank you so much and thank you for watching this and the reason I brought chairs over here is I mean I don't make any money off of this but I like to bring experts in the field and well I like to bring people into the classroom that actually can enhance students because as you know guys I want you to be leaders in your own life as well as in business as well I have great strategies for the businesses you're running as well as great strategies for your life and these skills being a better communicator will not only help you get the promotion or get the job you want but guess what you are in quarantine now it will help you better have better relationships with the people that you're quarantined enough like your family and with your kids so thank you so much then thank you again Jase yeah thank you sir we'll see you soon Thanks

Channel: Mgmt Prof

Views: 7,643

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Id: 7p0uVMDOKPw

Length: 34min 56sec (2096 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 22 2020