GRANDIOSE Narcissists: Everything you need to know (Part 2/2)

hi everyone its dr. Romani and welcome back to this series on the types of narcissism the impetus behind this series was really to shed some light and understanding on these different types there's people use again these terms they don't always know what they mean and there might even be narcissistic types out there that may actually better capture your situation and you don't even recognize it it is important to understand these different subtypes because it often means that you understand these differently and you might need different strategies for how to cope with them today we're going to take on part two of grandiose narcissism before we get there as always I'm going to say please hit that subscribe button so you can join us here on this channel and also hit that bell if you want to get notifications for all the videos not only in this series but all of our videos I just want to give a brief recap on part 1 of grandiose narcissism those grandiose narcissist those are our charming confident kind of cocky arrogant a little bit full of themselves narcissists and so these are the narcissist that are almost like these are the ones whose picture are in the dictionary next to narcissism this is how we've always conceived of it and while at the surface of it they may look like they're full of self-love in fact it's a whole heck of the usual insecurity and self-loathing they come from interesting places by and large what we see that these are the narcissist that often come from that place of being overindulged sort of materially or people saying you're so great you you're so good at this but on that underbelly is that not having had their emotional needs they're sort of under indulged with their emotional needs but over indulge with their material needs and that often explains the grandiose narcissist these are sort of the successful celebrity Falaschi narcissists that all of us know if you've watched one reality TV show you know exactly what I'm talking about so today we're gonna take on part two of grandiose narcissism and we're gonna start by trying to understand and ask the question how do grandiose narcissists impact us because we know that these narcissistic patterns are never good for us so let's sort of ask that question how do they know impact us now like all narcissists grandiose narcissist patterns can result in narcissistic abuse and all the associated self-doubt second-guessing rumination anxiety sadness powerlessness hopelessness frustration and helplessness the grandiose narcissist is in many ways quite tricky because the good days with them can feel so good and keep you hooked in it's like you just want another one of those good days so you yo-yo between some really exciting good days and some really awful bad ones every morning in these relationships can be quite tricky when you have to wake up and wonder what kind of day is it gonna be in the problem is it's gonna be whatever day they sometimes have even out of the house now in an intimate relationship the grandiose narcissist can be really exhausting because they do need so much validation and they are so superficial and the potential for for hurt is so high because of their triple threat of entitlement grandiosity and lack of empathy with the sort of grand cherry on top is a tendency to be liars that means that these are the narcissists who actually are most often likely to cheat on you which hurts and can feel humiliating and because they are master gas lighters they are able to lie about it and leave you feeling even more upside down the exciting days of the love bombing can often leave you yearning for the long faded days of the past no more love bombings happening unless they're trying to Hoover you back in and a lifetime of making excuses for their terrible behavior and many times because they need so much supply you know they're gonna turn to other people for supply so you'll often exhaust yourself trying to keep up with the supply they're getting in other places now in a family relationship growing up with a grandiose narcissistic parent meant that either you were invisible if you are not the source of supply that they wanted or you were a handmaid to ensure that grandiose narcissistic parent got his or her steady diet of validation in addition it can be a very unpredictable childhood with some days actually being really really wonderful and sometimes may be even larger than life like that day dad gets his raise sort of a really exciting day or night around the house but some days can be just horrible that day that dad didn't get his raise and kids in these families can really experience a tremendous toll from all this back and forth highs and lows and if this is another family member such as a sibling who's a grandiose narcissist these are the family members who can suck all of the oxygen out of the room and family gatherings can feel like them that like basically like your sibling or your grandiose narcissist having holding court well everyone has to sort of watch them perform or brag or talk about their lives the grandiose narcissistic family members they can be the ones that the greatest artistic family members they often get enabled and the ones who get enabled are often the ones who achieve material success and they're the ones who pay for vacation and they pick up the check so people will enable them to still want those free vacations right but the price of admission with these grandiose narcissist is having to listen to their tiresome prattling now grandiose narcissistic bosses can be very charismatic and much larger than life that's why people are often drawn to work with them and they may often have lots of sycophants and butt-kissing minions running around all around them hoping for some of their crumbs these are the bosses who are often the proverbial Golden Goose these bosses because they're willing to do what it takes no matter what it is they're the ones who bring in the deals and the profits and the awards and the notoriety so even as they are abusing their workers and abusing their clients the people who have power to get rid of them in these organizations often don't because who wants to kill the Golden Goose right no matter who they're abusing the grandiose narcissistic boss can be particularly crazy-making because they are so good at winning over so many of the people at the company who fall for the superficial charm and charisma so as a result they can end up having a lot of defenders wherever they work and they may end up that whole group of defenders are flying monkeys as it were and the grandiose narcissist may end up gaslighting the people who and who are the ones who are already getting the worst abuse from the grandiose narcissistic boss grandiose narcissistic bosses and others in the workplace have an uncanny sense of knowing who is able to see right through them and if you're onto the grandiose narcissist trust me they're gonna do all they can to silence you isolate you or make your life so miserable at work that you end up wanting to leave if you are lucky you will be there the day that the nernst grandiose narcissistic colleague or the grandiose narcissistic boss has their fall from grace it almost always happens but I gotta be honest with you in most cases lots of us leave the workplace long before that happens and we hear about it one day from someone else by an email or something it can be quite entertaining to watch their grandiose facade crumble and the whole topple down but sadly you know it can be really quite devastating to watch this too because depending on how high in the food chain this particular grandiose narcissist is they may bring the whole company down through their bad narcissistic entitled grandiose behavior and many other people's jobs to the grandiose narcissist may be so exciting and so enticing that they may even be the reason you took the job because you didn't understand narcissism yet or you welcome to their mentorship thinking you were lucky to work with them because you really believed their hype or their pitch or their charismatic Sparkle it's easy to believe when you're with them that you're in the presence of greatness and then once you witness their first tantrum you realize that I'm not so great in fact that you may be in the presence of something far more damaged and sinister so how do you manage the grandiose narcissist now as with all narcissists and I apologize in advance I'm going to be quite repetitive in this series in case all you do is watch one episode it's the usual drill having realistic expectations and radical acceptance they are what they are and they are not going to change especially since it's working for them nothing you do and nothing you say will change them so your best play is to not engage not explain not defend and not personalize what they're saying I know that as much as you're said than done now if you can understand this and do this it can make it much easier to set boundaries expend less effort in these relationships experience less disappointment and if you're lucky be able to cut your losses and get out of the relationship which frankly is often the gold standard though I know it's an option not available in all narcissistic relationships now obviously none of this is very easy when the grandiose narcissist is your spouse or your parent or a boss in a job you really need or that's very hard to get but you can endure these relationships by using realistic expectations and radical acceptance now in addition the technique of narcissistic fluffing works really well with grandiose narcissists if you encounter them during a really good phase of their lives validating them can buy you time just to get them off your back or figure out what you're gonna do next now this can be particularly useful if the grandiose narcissist is a boss or a parent you only see from time to time it can be quite exhausting to have to always be validating a narcissistic partner but if you aren't ready to leave this relationship for any reason it can definitely be a way to distract them and get them off your back but the fact is it feels inauthentic to have to keep doing this and it gets really tiresome and soeul sapping to have to keep validating your grandiose narcissist over time but once you recognize that when things turn self for the grandiose narcissist that they transform into victims and become more emotionally and verbally abusive and all the fluffing and all of the validation in the world may not make a relationship with a grandiose narcissist bearable now yes I know the good days can be quite entertaining with the grandiose narcissist but the bad days are just so bleak as is the case with all narcissistic personality styles now most of us who encounter narcissists will recognize the grandiose ones right away it's they're the easiest ones to identify and they're the type of narcissists most glorified in our celebrities and our politicians in characters featured in films and television programs and in social media while the grandiose narcissist really is sort of the garden-variety narcissist we're used to seeing them but the fact of the matter is if one of these garden-variety tortoises pops up in your garden you might want to consider weeding them out the grandiose narcissist has just as much propensity to rage and negative uncomfortable emotions as any of the other narcissist but the grandiose narcissist hates to have those cracks show in his or her armor so they're sometimes even going to have a menacing rage right under the surface but they really hate blowing but will they sometimes blow absolutely especially when things aren't going exactly the way that they want but there's also something that you need to face up to many times people have to cop to the fact that they were drawn to the grandiose narcissist because they really wanted to believe in the fairy tale that that magical night when you meet them when everything's perfect and they look like a million bucks and everyone at the party has their eye on them and they choose you you feel like you've walked into a fairy tale you've got to catch yourself and also wonder what are your scripts about relationships and any kind of human encounter that you got pulled in by all that charm charisma and confidence I know that I often sound like a cynic when I say well if you meet somebody and then charismatic runaway and obviously there's many absolutely lovely charming and charismatic people out there but it does mean that we a lot of us almost have to change the entire paradigm we have about human relationships how about how we view the people amongst us who sparkled brightly brighter than any of the stars in our various human gallic and wonder why are we so attuned to the shiniest object of all listen this is a business a big societal task to teach people like look for the authentic quiet humble person in the corner because that's where the wisdom lurks I'm gonna be honest with you all you need to do is turn on the television and see that when it comes down to it nobody's watching television shows about quiet humble authentic people they're watching television shows about I don't know Tiger Kings and every other kind of King and things that are just so big and so grandiose it's much more entertaining the key becomes let those grandiose narcissist in your life only to the degree that they entertain you but be very careful before you hand over your vulnerability your trust and the best parts of yourself I hope this series has clarified what is meant by grandiose narcissism I hope you continue to tune in to the rest of the series just hit subscribe you'll be part of this channel hit that Bell and you'll get notifications about our ongoing episodes not only in this series but all of our ongoing YouTube content thanks again for tuning in

Channel: DoctorRamani

Views: 127,232

Keywords: yt:cc=on

Id: COB5za1zzgE

Length: 16min 51sec (1011 seconds)

Published: Sat May 16 2020