GOSH: What's up, bro? RUDY: Wh-what's happening right now?
GOSH: Look, there's no easy way to say this but um... you're dead. GOSH: Actually, that was pretty easy to say.
RUDY: I'm dead? I died? GOSH: Yeah man, you got into a car accident.
Um, ya know...I'm sorry bro. RUDY: Are you- are you serious?
GOSH: Unfortunately. RUDY: Are you- are you God? GOSH: Uh... No, no, not really, no.
RUDY: Who are you? GOSH: I'm, uh- I'm Gosh.
RUDY: Gosh?
GOSH: Gosh, I'm Gosh. You know like "Oh my gosh"! GOSH: Nice to meet you. I'm Gosh.
RUDY: Oh my gosh.
GOSH: Exactly. RUDY: I don't- I don't get it. I'm confused.
GOSH: Like God, except um... GOSH: A little crappier. You know. Not as good. RUDY: Okay... RUDY: What was that?
GOSH: Just like a little- a little dance, a little like introduction. RUDY: Just uh, I just...
So- so what do you... what do you do? GOSH: Okay, so like for example, you know how like the other day, when you were watching TV GOSH: And you couldn't find the remote control?
RUDY: Uh-huh? GOSH: And then you found it under the couch?
That was me. You're welcome.
RUDY: Uh, okay? GOSH: You know when you're like at the restaurant, and you go to the bathroom, and when you come back the food's already there? That's me. Or when you randomly found that five dollar bill in your pocket? Who do you think put it there? This guy. Gosh. RUDY: So that girl I hooked up with last week, the really hot girl, that was you? GOSH: No, no, no. That was- that was...That was God. Uh, let's see what else did I create? Uh, you know Thursday? Thursday, like the day before Friday?
That's me. Uh, sneezing? Sneezing was my idea. RUDY: Interesting.
GOSH: Uh, girls who are kind of hot?
Like sixes and sevens, that's me. Uh, seats on a plane that actually like have a surprising amount of leg room? Me. You're welcome, bro. RUDY: So, what is this? Heaven? GOSH: Uh, not really, no. Uh, it's actually Kevin! RUDY: Kevin?
GOSH: Yeah, Kevin. It's like Heaven except um... GOSH: Except a lot crappier.
RUDY: What do you mean? GOSH: Well, you know, like Heaven-
Heaven has like Netflix, and like pizza... And really beautiful people, really comfortable couches.... It's not so bad here.
You know, we got flat screen TVs. Uh, the remote-
the remote control doesn't really work... So you gotta like do the buttons on the TV?
But you know... We have- we have cereal! We have really good cereal.
We don't have any milk... But we have- we have cereal! We got a- we got a ping-pong table! The ball doesn't really bounce but, you know, you can use your imagination... We have a gym! A really nice gym, actually. A dope gym. Uh, the membership is pretty expensive, but it's... you know. It's not so bad, you know. It's not great. It's not like Heaven. Like, Heaven has like chairs and places to sit. Here, we just like... Stand. We just stand. Always. But you get used to it, you know. You want beer?
RUDY: I'm uh- I'm okay. GOSH: It's kinda warm but... RUDY: I just... I can't, I'm just confused, man.
GOSH: Okay, bro, this is how works. Listen. There's God. Okay? The ruler of Heaven. Then there's me, Gosh. The ruler of Kevin. Then there's Yosh. The ruler of... 7-Eleven. RUDY: Okay... Weird.
GOSH: And that's just how it works, you know.
And then, you know... Down there, there's some bad stuff,
but won't get into that right now.
RUDY: I just can't believe I'm... I'm dead! GOSH: I mean you were on your phone while you were driving, bro. What do you expect? RUDY: I was watching an Instagram video.
It was uh- it was funny.
GOSH: Come on, bro. RUDY: Can I just get a second chance or something?
GOSH: Can't do that, bro. I cannot do that, I'll lose my job.
RUDY: Please? GOSH: Imma lose my job? I gotta pay for warm beer. Listen, bro.
RUDY: Please. GOSH: Truth is... you're an okay person. You're not great. You're not terrible. You're okay.
And this is where okay people go! Kevin! RUDY: Can I- can I at least go to Heaven? Or something? Please? GOSH: You know, bro, you're being really disrespectful.
You know that? What's wrong with Kevin? RUDY: I just...
GOSH: What's wrong with Kevin? RUDY: I mean nothing... I just- it just kinda sucks here. GOSH: I've had enough of your crap. I've had enough your crap. You've been doing nothing but complaining since you've been here.
You're not welcome here no more. Get out of Kevin!
RUDY: What are you doing? Oh, what are you doing? What are you doing? RULER OF HECK: What's up, bro?
RUDY: Am I in Hell? RULER OF HECK: Uh, no, not really, no. Uh, this is Heck.
RUDY: Heck? RULER OF HECK: It's like Hell, except it's not as bad.
You know. It still sucks. It's like hot and... There's no Wi-Fi and stuff.
RUDY: It's unbelievable. RULER OF HECK: Want a beer? No?
RUDY: No.
RULER OF HECK: Okay...
