Good Grief | Jabin Chavez | City Light Church

second corinthians chapter 1 verse 3 praise be to the god and father of our lord jesus christ the father of compassion and the god of all comfort that's a that's a title of god it's one of his names think about that the god of all comfort who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble notice this see there's a there is a cultural idea a a worldly idea it's not wrong but it's a worldly idea that says if you and i have gone through the same thing i can help you and i can only help you if i've gone through what you've gone through the bible says you don't have to go through it to be able to comfort someone through it because as god comforts you in all your trouble you can comfort those in any trouble see you have something better than experience you have the holy spirit glory to god i'm not saying you shouldn't use your pain to help others that's not what i'm saying i'm just saying there's something even better with the comfort we ourselves receive comforts received everyone say that say comfort is received okay comfort is received from god i'm going to talk about grief today and i want to talk about how to deal with pain how to receive comfort from god and so i want to talk about good grief good grief good grief good grief lord i thank you that as we receive your comfort we can comfort others [Music] lord i thank you that you're not in a hurry thank you that you're patient and i thank you that you're going to help us heal today in the mighty name of jesus everyone said it good amen amen and amen thank you brother and thank you worship team worship was phenomenal today can we can we thank god for them can we just show our appreciation grief is the sorrow we feel when we experience loss that's what grief is could be death but it doesn't have to be death it's any form of pain or loss in our life grief is the sorrow we feel one psychologist defined it this way grief is the natural response to loss it's the natural response to loss now loss could be anything it could be bigger it could be smaller loss could even be just change life has gone this way now it's going it's going in a new it might even be a good direction but it's new and there can be grief that comes with that uh you start a new job or maybe you retire or maybe there's there's a new something that happens in your life a new season for your kids and there could be grief that comes along with that and some of you have never even thought about that why am i feeling this way why do i why am i grieving over i shouldn't but that's a that's a cultural idea that we have in our country that says you you can't feel pain for that experience i just want to say that isn't healthy pain is pain and grief is grief and the idea is not to just get rid of it the idea is to give it to god and understand it so so here here's here are the seven stages of grief i won't go into detail but shock denial bargaining guilt anger depression and then hope hope you can be hopeful and in grief at the same time this is something people a lot of times don't believe well if i get better i will no longer grieve you can actually be getting better and grieving at the same time grief is somewhat unexplainable it can come in waves it can it can come out of nowhere you could think you're done with it and then it comes knocking on your door again and in our culture grief is looked down on as americans we believe that we need to toughen up i used to be stronger is that how we think he's going to be tougher you see me stronger i was talking to a uh a military vet before the 9 a.m he's gone to afghanistan three different times he served our nation young fit had to park in handicapped because of injuries that he suffered and he's dealing with the sorrow the pain the ptsd of of what he went through you don't look at him at a hero and say well he's gonna be stronger you don't you don't look at a dude that looks like that who's ripped head to toe he's got muscles even in his neck and go i mean he's going to be stronger but that's what we that's that's our cultural idea i'm hurting i need to be i need to be tougher now that that's even compounded worse in the church because then we go we just need more faith well if you prayed more well if you you know if you loved god more well if you if you gave more if you so we're living under this condemnation for the grief that we feel this leads to cycles of grief that usually are no longer even about the initial pain here's what i mean the the initial pain started it now we're layers in and we haven't even dealt with the root cause and we're on to new things i was talking to a friend this week who's who's gone through a lot of pain and i said it's like death by paper cuts you bleed out but it's just little thing after a little thing after a little thing after a little thing after a little thing and and you haven't even dealt with what initially caused it because now your layers down and you're mad at yourself for hurting so you feel bad and then you feel bad for feeling bad and then you're mad at yourself for feeling bad and then you're feeling bad for even feeling bad i've been there i'm hurting and i shouldn't hurt because i should have more faith you're an idiot why don't you have more faith why do you even feel this way great men of faith wouldn't ever feel this way and then you just start and it doesn't have to be about some great loss so it could be a great loss it could just be a change of your life and you're dealing with the grief of the change proverbs 14 10 says it like this each heart knows its own bitterness this is why two people can go through the same exact thing and have different experiences because each heart knows its own its own bitterness that's why just because you've gone through something you can't look at someone who's going through it and go well hey here's what i did if you'll just do this you'll just no because each heart knows its own bitterness so i'm i'm i understand that you've gone through this but we're feeling different things this is why going back to second corinthians 1 god's comfort is better than your experience because you're not just going hey well i got through it you need to get through it and i got through it in three months and you need to get through it in three months and you're going well i'm not through it in three months no you need a god idea you need a god word you need the voice of the holy spirit so here's what we do in most cases of grief we cope and coping with pain always leads to more pain and new pain talk about unhealthy coping so i'm dealing with pain and now i'm instead of ever really dealing with the issue i just start to cope uh a good example i'm i'm gonna be in a lot of examples today because of the pain that i'm currently in um i've got a sciatic thing happening going down my left leg and my foot and everywhere else left but now i've been walking someone's at your house check it real quick could be a robber isn't ring the dumbest thing because all it does is it makes you nervous about the ups guys like okay anyway and what are you going to do if they steal your package anyway look at them on ring you can't stop it okay anyway sorry i have a ring too it's like who is it oh it's amazon guy oh it's a kid stealing my amazon package what am i gonna do hey you okay anyway sorry isn't it ring funny we think we're safer because we got ring okay so some of you didn't hear what happened but ring happened okay um what was i talking about so my okay so this is hurting so now i've been compensating on my right leg i've been coping so now my right leg hurts so now both because what what you normally do is you look for immediate relief that's actually going to cause more pain so most addiction is birthed out of unhealed pain most anger is birthed out of unhealed pain most isolation is birthed out of unhealed pain we we have not dealt correctly with the pain we're feeling so we get into numbing and we're not healed we're numb see health doesn't mean we're completely void of pain watch watch watch health means hope say amen everybody health means hope i i know i'm healthy because i'm hopeful i'm still in pain but i'm hopeful i'm still grieving but i'm future focused i'm still grieving but i'm god focused i'm still i'm still grieving and here's what here's what ecclesiastes 3 4 it says there's a time to mourn don't let someone rush you out of that time because if it's time to weep it's time to weep and don't start laughing too quick don't start dancing too quick because you need to process what you're going through first or you will try to rush yourself out of a season that god has not asked you to leave yet all right so check out this photo this is how a lot of us think we're going to process from dr caroline leaf we think that the grief is just going to shrink and drink and shrink and it should instead we should focus on health and getting bigger i am i am not saying that the grief will never go away and you're gonna have to deal with it forever that's not what i'm saying i'm just saying our focus so often is on just fixing an issue instead of getting healthier if you have heart disease you should want to fix that issue but you should also work on getting healthier don't just take the pills take the pills the doctor says take the bills but also work on your lifestyle don't just try to fix an issue okay cool got my blood pressure under control got my okay yes but get healthier if you have diabetes don't just and and don't just focus on i just don't want to be a diabetic i just don't want to be a diabetic i just don't want to be a doc no just work on health does this make sense a lot of times it's like i need to get over it i need to get over it i need to get over it i need it's not going to work health is the goal not no pain health is the goal not numbness health is the pain not just i need to get over it i need to be tougher i need more faith no health am i helping so far okay so so so how do i enter into good grief and by the way some of you are going why are you talking about this because i haven't done a good job over the last 18 months of just addressing the challenge that we've been in i haven't done a good job of it because i've been just trying to keep us up and i've been trying to keep us faith filled and i'll continue to do that but the grief that even comes with the pandemic the grief that comes with uh job changes the grief that comes with economic changes the grief some of you are in some ways better than ever and yet there's just the grief of what's next and what this is it's all just part of it and if you just try to go i just need to be positive and just get over it you're not going to allow the holy spirit to do something deep in you through this number one talk about it good grief will will require that you talk about it admit that you're grieving define why you are grieving don't be ashamed of it define it well you know i guess it's because of this but i know i know that's not a good reason it's no there isn't a good or bad reason if you're grieving or grieving see how we start doing this immediately define that you're you know i know that was five years ago and i know i should be open no no one's saying that i'm not saying that god's not saying that define that you're grieving and refuse to live in denial about it you need to talk to god and talk to a friend about it okay not facebook not listen somebody said not instagram stories at 3 am but you do need to talk to someone about it someone that can help you who are you grieving with don't grieve alone who are you grieving with who are you talking to first peter 5 7 first of all talk to god casting all your care upon him for he cares for you talk to god about your cares talk to god about your worries talk to god about your fears get open and honest and transparent with god well i don't know if i should talk to god about that it'll kind of look like a lack of faith he already knows why y'all try to keep secrets from him it's like so we going to talk about this or no no okay okay if you're going to get honest with anyone get honest with god because let me let me tell you what happens every moment you don't deal with it you're like a pressure cooker and it's just getting more and more and what prayer is is it any old school do you all know what a pressure cooker is amen you all know what a pressure cooker is you eventually got to hit that little [Music] that's prayer you if if you care about it it's a care cast all your cares upon god what's a care anything you care about anything you're thinking about anything that's coming uh turning your stomach at night anything that's that's breaking you in a cold sweat anything that's that's filling your mind if you care about it give it to god god i'm giving this to you i'm trusting you with this and i know we talked about this yesterday and i and i know i told myself i'd be over it by today but here i am again i'm surprised you're not surprised let's talk again i was talking to a friend this week he was so frustrated that he was grieving that's so it's so weird that we're there and it's so sad that we're there and i'm so sad that some of you feel that way like die and i just know i should be over and i know i should've done it and now you're mad at your no talk about it because you living in denial about it is not helping anyway have you really gotten honest about what that pain did about what that moment did what that divorce did what that sickness did what that surgery did what that moment of i prayed and i knew god was going to hear me and it didn't work out the way i thought it was going to work have you really have you really grieved because if you haven't here's the issue you're still there emotionally so you're stuck you're in 2021 but you're not you're in 2020 or you're in 2015 or you're in 2010 or you're in you have to talk about it james chapter 5 verse 16 i'll skip here therefore confess your sins this this word sin literally means weakness or wanderings or just it's issues confess talk to somebody to one another and pray so don't just talk pray amen don't just vent pray vent but then pray you may be healed the prayer of the righteous person has great power as it is working there is something powerful about saying here's what i'm dealing with here's where i'm hurting here's where i'm grieving here's what i'm going through i need you to pray for me and i'm not asking you to fix me and i'm not asking you to project on me and i'm not asking you to guest like me and i'm not asking you to condemn me with your prayer i'm just asking someone to lift up a a righteous powerful prayer because i don't have it but i know you got it come on and there's something powerful that happens when the bible says lay hands on the sick and they will recover my soul is sick my heart is sick i'm grieving talk about it that doesn't mean go into small group it's small group season i'm not please don't walk into a house this week with 12 strangers and tell them everything don't do that because they won't come back you'll come back but they won't come back but talk to somebody here's what that means you're going to go to group and you're going to find someone you connect with and then you're going to go can we have coffee this week because i got to talk to somebody if i told this whole group that this house would explode but can we talk this i got to talk to somebody number two be still be still psalm 46 verse 10 be still and know that i am god i will be exalted in the nations i will be exalted in the earth be still what am i saying i'm saying do less the kids say say less [Laughter] say less i'm here to say do less when you're grieving do less my physical therapist said go on a walk for 10 minutes not an hour 10 minutes walk backwards for 5 minutes not 20 min 5 minutes your endorphins are going to start working your blood's going to start flowing you're going to want to do more do less i have this thera gun it's this weird massage machine gun it's amazing but here's what she said she said don't use it right now because what will happen is you'll you'll put it on your back and then you'll go numb and then you'll do too much and then you'll just cause more injury so she said right now do less ice 15 minutes you're going to want to ice for two hours at a time you're going to want to just ice ice ice it's too much just 15 minutes then take a break for a couple hours do less if i walked into my gym today and i grabbed my my barbell that i that i do um workouts with if if i go in there right now and do that i'm going to hurt myself and i have no one to blame but myself do you know what we do we get into things too early while we're still hurting and then we blame people for the pain that we walked into let me just talk to you single people for a second if you're single and ready to mingle make some noise real quick where are you at single people okay here's the problem here's the problem you date and you fall in love in three seconds and for the next three months it's love love love fest love best love fest love best love fest and then all of a sudden it's over and you're back at the gym going i'm just working on me you know it's true guess what a month later you're back with somebody else love fest love festival and you blame them you haven't dealt with unhealed pain yet it's not their fault i'm not i'm not saying you're a bad person i love you i honor you i thank god for you but you're only going to repeat cycles until you here's here's the thought halt how many know if you're hungry don't go grocery shopping halt if you're angry halt if you're lonely halt if you're tired halt when i say hungry i don't just mean physically hungry i mean spiritually hungry if you're if you're in a bad place it's okay to be in a bad place just don't do anything it's okay if you're healing it's okay if you're hurting just don't do anything so i want to say it like this this will change your life by the way what i'm about to say next i don't always say that this is going to change your life if you'll listen to me okay can i be that bold i've been walking with god a long time i know a little bit of i know a little bit in this area this will change your life get ready if you're hurting anxious or grieving do not add to your life i'm telling you by the spirit of god do not add to your life well i'm hurting and i'm anxious and i'm grieving and i'm lonely i should go on a date nope i'm hurting and i'm anxious and i'm grieving and i'm lonely let's swipe right let's see who we got nope well i'm going through hell i i think i think i need a new watch no well bingo i guess i need new golf clips and no that'll cheer me up no won't it'll numb you for about four days if you're in this season do not at this is not the time this is not the time to propose i'm serious this is not the time to get married i'm serious this is not the time to try to find something out here to fix that this this will change your life in a justifiable search for comfort we are tempted to seek romantic relationships possessions or a substance to find relief this may seem to help in the short term but will eventually only add more issues some of you are married to them right now no i'm serious i mean you're dealing with it right you are you're instead of addition and now you're married so this next part isn't for you because now you're married so you need to go to counseling instead of addition seek to remove noise you can't be like yeah we're done but no you're in now seek to remove noise slow your pace and lean into face-to-face friendships breathe walk meditate on scripture pray surround yourself with community i'm telling you we're hurting so we try to add and could it be as could it be as crazy as as alcoholism and gambling addiction and drug of course could it be as subtle as just a couple hundred bucks at target that you didn't need to spend it could be well the ladies got quiet okay i don't think i've oh i got one very bold man i got it it was kind of a cough pranks pastor but it could be huh no and guys no and because we go buy dumb toys amen okay now i got one lady over here i'm just glad it wasn't the same married couple let me stand up for a second i'm going numb okay so um does that make sense so so we buy and we add we were i was just having a great conversation with with a buddy of mine in our church this week about what do you do when when you when it you kind of got it all do you just kind of keep buying do you kind of just keep adding no you've you've got to learn to wait you've got to learn to be patient you've got to learn don't add to your life in grief i'm not saying you can never add i'm not saying you can never buy those clubs or buy that watch or go on that shopping street or marry that person or i'm not saying that i'm saying in this in the moment of grieving don't i cannot go pick up that heavy bar today and do cleans i can't and i can't do it and then blame rogue fitness for my pain i have to wait i'm just saying don't add to your life right now it's okay to be patient and don't let someone rush you into well you should be over it i'm not over it so until i'm over it i'm waiting well you should be better by now it's better by now well i'm not you you got to learn how to be patient you're you're getting better you're getting stronger but you're not in a hurry it's so important this is so important okay number three let me have the keys come up we'll wrap it up here grieve with hope grieve with hope first thessalonians chapter 4 verse 13. i don't want you to be informed uninformed by brothers about those who are asleep those who are dead this is the apostle paul is writing to a church about people who have died in the church and he says this that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope here's what the apostle paul is saying he's not saying if you have hope you will not grieve that's not what he's saying here's what he's saying he's saying as you grieve you grieve with hope because you know the future that we believe in the resurrection of the dead we believe in heaven we believe in eternal life so so we don't grieve the same way an unbeliever grieves one of the most famous uh comedians of our generation nor macdonald recently passed and to hear other comedians talk about how fearful they are of death and how fearful they are that man norm died and man maybe i'm next and there's so much fear around it because they don't have any hopes they don't know the lord so what the apostle paul is saying is he's not saying you can't grieve he's just saying we do it with hope because we know the end of the story give me a good amen right there come on we know the end of the story so so so paul tells us we can grieve with hope and psychologists tell us that the last form of grief is hope i'm grieving but i'm hopeful i'm grieving but i'm future focused i'm i'm grieving but i'm apprehending my promise i'm grieving but i'm holding on to jesus i'm grieving but i'm moving forward so i'm i'm in pain and facing my future at the same time and a lot of you haven't believed that that could be a reality for you so you just go as long as i'm grieving i'm stuck no i'm still moving forward and i'm still grieving and i'm not in a hurry [Music] on either level elijah first kings chapter 17 elijah is depressed he's running for for his life from ahab he's literally suicidal you could read the text later he's suicidal he's struggling this is like one of the greatest men of god in the bible [Music] one of only two men uh in scripture enoch and elijah that were raptured up into heaven that did not physically die and this guy is and he's dealing with all that so if he's dealing with that don't beat yourself up if you're dealing with that and in the midst of his depression and pain and anxiety and worry watch this verse two the word of the lord came to elijah that means that god can speak to you right now give me a good amen right there god can speak to you right now in your pain in your worry in your grief god can speak you can get a word from god a word from god that'll absolutely change your future the word of the lord and here's what god says leave here turn eastward doesn't mean a lot to us but east in scripture and eastern jewish culture is where god was you turned east towards jerusalem you turned east towards zion you turned you turned east towards the temple so god says i want you to turn east i want you to turn towards me to this day if you will ever see a a rabbi and you see them doing their morning prayers if you were ever to see them at sunset or at sunup excuse me you'll see them turn east towards jerusalem to pray this is a part of their culture god here's what god's saying face me turn towards me don't go inward don't even go outward go upward face ease elijah i know you're depressed look at me i know you're fearful look at me i know you're running for your life look at me i know you're suicidal look at me don't look at them don't look around look at me eyes on me [Music] come on parents i don't know if you've ever had to tell your kids that eyes on right here and hiding carreth ravine east of the jordan man i feel the anointing of the holy ghost right now god's saying turn towards me get east get towards my direction turn i know you're hurting i'm not in a hurry about that just start leaning in my direction i'm grieving with hope i'm grieving eastward you will drink from the brook god says there will be refreshing there water represents the spirit of god water represents refreshing [Music] god says i'll meet you east and i've directed ravens to supply you with food i'll sustain you i'm grieving i'm hurting i'm shocked i'm discouraged [Music] but i'm but i'm facing east [Music] and i refused to let my emotions get me to change my direction i refused to let outside voices get me to change my direction i refuse to let the devil get me to change my direction i'm facing east i'm facing god i'm going to continue to pray i'm going to continue to be in church i'm going to continue in small group i'm going to continue to read my word i'm going to continue to listen to worship music and and and i'm not in a hurry to heal because only god can do that but what i can do is i can face him and while i face him he heals me and while i face him he renews me oh i face him he restores me and while i face him i receive his comfort and with that comfort i now comfort others [Music] and now you have a testimony of what god did for you [Music] and now you become what jesus said we would become salt and light salt is preserving salt is flavor [Music] you become a preserving factor in your family at your workplace with your friend group you bring flavor and sense and then you bring light light is illumination light is revelation light is understanding light is clarity you now become a force of light city light church that's what that's what we try to do around here we're trying to help people understand we're trying to help people make sense of their life we're trying to help people see who the light is that light is jesus and how i become salt and light in my world not by having just all the answers because i don't have all the answers i just know jesus and jesus has brought light into my life clarity and my life comfort into my life and now with this comfort i've received from him i now give to others good grief i could have got up here for 30 minutes and said if you're grieving you don't have any faith get over it and sadly that's how a lot of people think and sadly that's how a lot of preachers have preached and i'm sorry you've ever heard that and i'm sorry you've ever thought that [Music] you're grieving [Music] and the proof of your faith is that you're here [Music] proof of your faith is that you're in god's house the proof of your faith is that you've gone through the fire but you've come out as pure gold you're here you're facing east don't beat yourself up focus on health focus on getting better but don't focus on fixing something that only god can fix can i get a good amen in the house praise the lord praise god amen wonderful let's do it right now let's cast our cares on him for he cares for us i want you to i want you to lift your hands with me and here's what i want you to imagine is your life chance you're just giving god [Music] that moment [Music] that pain you're giving him that memory [Music] father today in the name of jesus we're casting our cares on you [Music] because we know we are convinced we're convinced by the word of god and we're convinced by the witness of the holy spirit that you care for us we thank you today that you're not in a hurry we thank you today that you are a patient good loving heavenly father [Music] and we commit right now here's what we do commit to lord we commit to going eastward we commit to facing you we commit to seeking you we commit to a daily walk with you because we know that's where the healing is we know that's where the life is we know that's where the restoration is we know that's where the comfort is and and we repent for running from you we repent for being mad at you [Music] we repent from hiding from you today we get back into the light and we get real and we get honest and we ask you again help us holy spirit jesus hallelujah there's ministry in the house right now you're receiving i'm telling you the spirit of god is renewing your strength [Music] you'll soar and mount up on wings of eagles you'll run and not grow weary you'll walk and not be faint those who wait on the lord those who wait on the lord will renew their strength it's happening right now [Music] hallelujah [Music] just just right now just whisper thank you jesus just whisper a praise right now whisper a praise to heaven right now [Music] thank you lord [Music] hallelujah just let a praise come out of your heart right now like a river let it flow right now thank you lord thank you lord thank you lord thank you lord thank you lord thank you lord thank you lord i'm getting stronger hallelujah thank you i'm getting i'm getting wiser thank you lord you're comforting me today [Music] thank you father thank you lord lord you're not in a hurry we're not in a hurry we're going to receive everything you have for us in the mighty name of jesus wow hallelujah

Channel: City Light

Views: 1,867

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Keywords: City Light Vegas, city light, grief, how to overcome grief? grieving, Jabin Chavez, grieving, Las Vegas, church

Id: NJR5PPmkUW8

Length: 43min 0sec (2580 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 26 2021