Godly Marriages - 2.Following Godly Principles In Marriage by Zac Poonen

I've often said that when you build a building the foundation is very important and a lot of problems that can come on the third fourth floor may be caused by bad foundation or the first floor is not very strong so it's very good to think of your marriage like building a house and it's very good to be able to write from the time you are married to have a good foundation and make sure there no cracks if there are fix it don't imagine that it'll automatically you get a crack in a wall do you think it'll automatically fix itself never you have to do something there to fix it otherwise it'll never fix itself so people who imagine the crack will automatically take care of itself later on he doesn't happen so I want to share some things along that line let's turn to Ephesians and chapter 5 reasons 5 and everybody knows this is the great chapter on husband wife relationships and it's important to see how it begins not wives be subject to your husband's verse 22 but beginning with 18 or 17 rather don't be foolish very very good word for husbands and wives don't be foolish but understand what the will of the Lord is because God has a plan for marriage and that is the most perfect plan I often call it the manufacturers instructions if you buy a washing machine or a dryer or any expensive gadget even a car they'll come a little booklet called manufacturer's instructions what you should plug in first and which switch you should turn off and turn on even using a computer if you run a program tells you how to do it do you believe that your marriage is more important than any electronic gadget to buy even if electronic gadgets cost 3040 thousand rupees your marriage is more important than all that and you believe Almighty God would have left us without any instructions he has given us instructions those instructions are in the Bible so if you try to run your marriage not according to the Bible but according to your own bright ideas or what you call your bright ideas are not really your bright ideas they are ideas you have got from others and I'll tell you where you've got it from if you're on your unconverted for many years you got it from the cinemas you got it from romantic novels that you read you got it perhaps from your parents see for example the in the average Indian village the husband is like a king and the wife is like a what's the word did I hear Queen no servant that's the thing if you were Queen it'd be wonderful but she's not a queen he's a king and a servant and the children grow up seeing that here's a boy growing up in a home where moms like a servant that's like a king thirty years later he gets married what does he expect his wife to be queen no servant that is our Indian culture so now I say I'm not I don't believe in Western culture either there's a difference you see that even in weddings all Western marriages this is how it goes the bridegroom comes in everybody will be sitting nobody stands up for the bridegroom because he's a useless fellow in any case he comes and stands there meekly and then they start the service Jesus has also come and who comes in last after the singing starts the Maharani and they sing the here comes the bride they play and she walks in that is Western culture Eastern culture I'm not talking about general Indian but you see in the villages and all the hindu marriages the man comes riding a horse do you think the source for the wife no she walks beside the horse because she supposed to be a servant so in western culture it is the bride who is the most important in eastern culture it is the bridegroom is most important they say here comes the bridegroom they they say here comes the bride in a Christian marriage we say here comes the Lord he is most important even in the way they you know get married how is it in Indian culture how is it with all of you how many of you wives will say my husband came on bended knee and said will you marry me No i sat there and she came asking can I marry this man said okay she's a big Maharajah sitting there and the price has to be fixed and some marriages and she comes begging and he graciously finally says yes in an Eastern marriage in a Western marriage it's the woman who goes after the man it's the man who goes up to the woman and they had to bend their knees and say will you marry me here's a ring and she boasts all her life I never went after her went after him he came and proposed to me and I graciously said yes because she's the book woman there did mean Indian marriages the man says I never went after her be disgraceful for me to go after God she came begging her parents came to her house beg for me and I okay I'll think about it now for some time I said yes in a Christian marriage we say the Lord brought us together it's an entirely different flavor can you say that it's all a question of how you start your married life so don't be foolish but understand the will of God in marriage just because God wants the white to be subject to the husband doesn't mean that he has to be a mirage Jesus was not a Maharaja he refused to be a king once they wanted to make him a king he ran away he said I'm not come here to be a king I've come here to be a servant but what type of servant a servant leader not a servant - meekly obeys his bossy wife it's not the picture you get of Jesus meekly obeying Peter and James whatever they tell him no he washed their feet but he was their leader that's the type of husbands husband must be one who's willing to wash the wipes feet but is the leader in the home it's a balance don't be foolish but understand what the will of the Lord is don't get your ideas from Eastern culture or Western culture they are both wrong they are corrupted by sin corrupted by Adams nature and corrupted by the devil and we want to follow Christian culture where we value one another that is why like somebody said God didn't take Eve out of Adam's skullbone because so that she bosses over him and God didn't take you out of the feet bones so that he treads over her but God took some ad from which bone from the rib can you tell me was it left rib or right trip which do you think it's not written in Scripture what's your guess right why left the heart is there that's right I think I think it was a left you know my favorite was I have no commandment from the Lord but I give an opinion from 1 Corinthians 7 okay I believe it was here and when we get to heaven ask the Lord ready you get take it from Lord with Zack right you say he was right because it was near the heart because he wanted Adam not to boss over his wife or to be ruled by his wife but to keep his wife near his heart all the time so that's very important so and what is the will of the Lord for your life - you know we are leading on to marriage by the way in verse 23 onwards don't get drunk with wine for that is dissipation but be filled with the holy spirit so what is the most important exhortation for marriage you know what it is be filled with the Holy Spirit he's not talking here about preaching he saw here about marriage he's not talking here about speaking in he's talking about marriage how shall we begin don't be foolish understand the will of the Lord be filled with the holy spirit and I believe the fundamental reason why there are so many problems in married life despite all the counseling sessions despite all the teaching of psychology is because they are not filled with the Holy Spirit and the fundamental reason they are not filled with the Holy Spirit is they are not eager to be filled with the Holy Spirit that's the reason why am I not filled the Holy Spirit well you're not desperate you know the one place in the scripture where Jesus said how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him do you know where that is you don't know it's in Luke 11 mm turn there for a moment because he's telling us there how we can receive the Holy Spirit you know you may think your problems are this that and the other I want to tell you in Jesus name those are not your problems you think your wife is like that your husband is like that that's not the reason the reason is you are not filled with the Holy Spirit so don't be foolish but understand the will of the Lord be filled with the Holy Spirit okay Luke 11:13 if you being evil know how to give good gifts to your children how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him how many of you have asked him and he told us how to ask also not just ask but how to ask how to ask is very important I'll tell you how to ask where's five supposing one of you has got a friend goes to him at midnight and says friend lend me three loaves but a friend of mine has come to me from journey and I have nothing to set before him now I'm only to see a picture here of husband and wife okay two people in a home maybe it's the husband who goes who wants to provide three loaves to his wife or the wife wants to provide three loaves to the husband the meaning here is I'm here it's a friend but I want to take this a picture of husband and why the husband is hungry for something the wife is hungry for something I don't mean physical food something the husband needs something the wife needs and you can be a responsible husband a wife like this friend could have said when this friend his friend came to his house at midnight hey listen irani food just go to bed man don't be a big male fuss over food the guys hungry maybe he came from a long journey ahead and dead had any food for three days and you sent him to bed go to sleep he's dying of hunger and that's how your wife is or your husband is there's a need there which you're don't simply bothered about you see how forget it that's not a big problem it not be a big problem for you because your stomach is full but that person is hungry so what is this chap to see that is a husband or a wife goes to the neighbor and the neighbor is God by the way should be it's a picture of God but here it is a picture of a reluctant neighbor he knocks and says hey I want some food I don't have it the first thing you need to acknowledge is I don't have that ability to meet my wife's need or my husband's need I think the problem is with her or within the problem is not with her or him God gave you as a partner to meet that need not just to take care of yourself but to meet the need of your partner I don't know whether all of you recognize that God gave you to each other to meet a certain need in the other person which he or she cannot meet themselves God gave you to meet that need okay so he knocks and from inside that guy says they don't bother me the door is already shut for seven my children are in bed I can't get up and give you anything now how many of you will keep on knocking if buddy shouts from inside get away man don't disturb me I'm asleep my children are asleep you'll wake them up how many of you will knock at a neighbor's house like that even if it's a good friend I don't think I will I mean I got neighbors here I don't go on first of all I won't even go to their house at midnight asking for bread and if I do and the guy says get out I'll get out immediately but here is a guy who is so desperate that means he loves this other friend of his so much that's the first thing you got to see okay I'm willing to bear the shame of this fellow shouting at me and thinking me a bad neighbor or whatever ridicule I'm willing to face all that I've got to meet my friends my friend is hungry you know if you people could love one another like that my wife is hungry my husband is hungry and I have got to go to God to have the strength to meet that need I tell you even though were saved he doesn't get up to give him because he's his friend yet because of his persistence and that's the word I want you to see persistence he will get up and give him here's another expression as much as he needs he Oesterle for three loads whatever hey listen do you want more than three there it is and then the Lord says ask like this and you'll get it why didn't you get it because you didn't ask like this I know perhaps all of you sitting here I've asked for the baptism in the Holy Spirit but you didn't ask like this you asked and knocked and say hey I like some bread get away okay I went away go I went back to sleep and told my neighbor I tried man I tried it didn't work he didn't give me any bit less scarcely that is how most people are seeking for the fullness of the Holy Spirit I don't know whether you know that CFC was born 37 years ago through the baptism in the Holy Spirit yeah that's that's how it was it was just two of us initially in and myself but and that was the whole issue of our moving out of one church into another it is a baptism the Holy Spirit is nothing else it wasn't victory over sin it was the baptism in the Holy Spirit and fire how did the church begin on the day of Pentecost was it by somebody preaching victory over sin no it was when those 120 people got baptized in the Holy Spirit and fire the church was born and that's how God intended every Church to be born that day of Pentecost is an example and so I'm very thankful that CFC started that way not by some people coming together here let's let's have a New Testament church you know there are different churches I find in Tamil Nadu and Kerala and other parts of India which have tried to imitate CFC ah this is a good pattern let's follow it but there's a lot of confusion even in CFC churches you know that because it didn't start with baptism in the Holy Spirit sorry this is a nice pattern this is a nice message you can't build a church with a nice pattern and a nice message it has to be the baptism in the Holy Spirit and fire that is the thing that initiates the New Covenant so you say I'd like to have a nice marriage yeah yeah go to the psychologist they'll tell you how to have a nice marriage it won't be a Christian marriage for a Christian marriage like a Christian Church you need the baptism in the Holy Spirit and fire and if both of you are not eager for it at least one of you should be good for it God will meet with you but in your list of priorities where does baptism in the Holy Spirit come I'm sure it is there but maybe he's number 25 or something like that because there are 24 other more important things you have to do such as you've got to get a promotion in your job you need make a little more money and you got to expand your business and number 24 you come to baptism Holy Spirit I can tell you in a hundred years you will not have a spirit-filled marriage I can give it you in writing you'll be just one of those nice brothers and sisters come here and praise brother Zach and say what a wonderful brother we have and sit here and have a useless marriage by useless marriage I don't mean a marriage fighting with each other a marriage that accomplishes nothing for God that's what I mean that's because you and your wife were very happy and you got plenty of money and you've got good children don't think that's fulfilling God's purpose is your marriage accomplishing something for God God didn't plant churches just for them to be happy together serve one another and smile at each other and have good food and bring up good children no sir he wanted a house that accomplishes something for God and your house will not accomplish something for God if you're not filled with the Holy Spirit even Jesus Christ did not go out for his ministry without first being filled with the Holy Spirit how dare you go out try to build a house without seeking to be filled with the Holy Spirit Jesus is your example as soon as he stepped out you know Jesus stepping out of Nazareth getting baptized is a picture of a single man stepping out of his house and getting married in Jesus case it was to his father in your case it is your husband or wife single girl stepping out of the old home it says Jesus moved from Nazareth to Capernaum and set his up his own home there it's a picture of marriage that's why immediately after he tells that tell is it tells his mother what have I got to do with you because the Bible says a man must leave father and mother and cleave that's the first time Jesus said it it was a picture of a man getting married and what is the first thing Jesus did before he went into that ministry he prayed he prayed the Bible says he prayed as he went into the waters I know what he was praying for father knowing pain with the Holy Spirit and he came up he's anointed with the Holy Spirit can you have that faith I'll never forget when one of my son's was getting baptized here I still remembered you know they give testimony before baptism and his testimony was that he was 17 or some he said I want to follow Jesus I believe the Bible says I can follow him and if Jesus could be filled with the Holy Spirit as soon as he came up out of the waters of baptism I believe I can also be filled with Holy Spirit when I come up out of the waters of baptism I said wow I've never heard that testimony of the baptism I say hello to honor his faith and I see some results in his life today faith is what God honors it doesn't matter whether you're 17 years old or 50 years old God doesn't honor you for your age or your knowledge so you experience what faith Lord I believe you will do this for me I believe you'll fill me with the Holy Spirit and it's like this guy saying I'm gonna get this bread no matter how long I have to knock persistence I want to encourage you to be persistent don't think your marriage is okay until both of you are filled with the Holy Spirit don't think your marriage is okay one of the first things that God did for our marriage was God filled God it filled me with the spirit and filled my wife with the spirit pretty soon after we have married and that's how we started out so I want to encourage you if there's one thing you seek for seek to be filled with the Holy Spirit you know how you desperately longed to have a child I wish you would desperately longed to be filled with the Holy Spirit like that imagine that if you're longing for the Holy Spirit is a hundred times of your longing to have a child you think God won't meet with you but the things of Earth mean more to you than the things of heaven and you see Oh God give us a heavenly marriage you won't get one because you don't want the things of heaven first you want a job you must have a house and when you get a house you must have a refrigerator and you must have a washing machine and you must have this and that and you pray for this and then you get it all is it a spiritual marriage it will never be because God sees Phillie the Holy Spirit is item number 24 after listening to this message you make it may you may make it item number 10 I hope you will all make it item number 1 you know when my wife and I were married you know the tapes I was listening to tapes on the baptism the Holy Spirit and even if you're against it God can meet with you if you have a need my wife was initially against the baptism all because she grew up and grew up in a Brethren Assembly when God met with her so if you have a not because you understand the doctrine I think I understood the doctrine 10 times better than my wife even now but because of a need do you have a sense of need Lord I'm needy what is it that drove this man to his neighbor's house need Oh Lord I'm desperately need II I need to be filled with the Holy Spirit you know we can have so much teaching on the techniques of married life and how you should do this and how is you there are a whole lot of books written on married life and even on bringing up children and all that I'll tell you be filled with the Holy Spirit that is the most important thing without a doubt so but you must ask like this and I tell you everyone who asks like this verse 10 will receive everyone everyone does that include you is your name there in verse 11 verse 10 can you put your name every one must include you if you ask like this you will receive you say well I I remember a man tell me brother Jacques I prayed for 40 years so the baptism the Holy Spirit never got it you mean this guy didn't wait outside that man's door for 40 years he made it there for a few minutes and I say are you trying to tell me that God is more unrighteous than this man who gave him bread after a few minutes and your God didn't give you out of 40 years no sir you didn't ask like this man that's it you would once in awhile item number 24 comes up Lord please fill me with the Holy Spirit and then you move on to other things in life well no wonder you are not filled those Holy Spirit I can prophesy you will never be filled with Holy Spirit you'll be a nice smiling CFC member sit here and have an average marriage when you could have had a first-class marriage when you have a choice of sending your child to an average school and a first-class school both are available both same fees which one will you send your child to first-class school one thing somebody is sick and you have the choice of sending the taking percent an average hospital and a first-class hospital which one will you send first-class but when it comes to having an average marriage in a first-class marriage why are you happy with an average marriage is that less important than school and hospital I tell you our priorities are wrong earthly things are much more important for us and God sees that despite all the so-called piety and holiness and religious talk God sees deep down in your heart and in your mind your dreams are about earthly things God says you'll get it seek and you shall find you seek for a job you get it you seek for more money you get it you want a house of your own you get it but the most important thing you never sought for because it's not it's not priority in your life no wonder you didn't get it but seek like this everyone who asks like this will get everyone who seeks like this will find everyone who knocks like this it will be opened what are we talking about verse 13 the Holy Spirit this whole parable is about receiving the Holy Spirit power you know so many people get into theological argument and what is it to receive the Holy Spirit do you ever see the Holy Spirit when you're born again is it like this is it like that I said forget all these things I never thought about all these things I tell people do you know that Jesus said John 7:38 he who believes in me out of his innermost being rivers of living water will flow and he spoke about the Holy Spirit if anyone is thirsty let him come to me and drink so I only ask people one question I you know if I ask are you baptized knowledge are you filled with the Holy Spirit people get get a theological problems so I ask them a question listen are rivers of living water flowing out from you your life and from your home do you want them to flow from your home they are not flowing why not seek out about it he said if you thirst come to me and he who believes in me he who believes in me he who believes in me has eternal life you got that he who believes in me rivers of living water will flow out from you why don't you claim that I cannot think how many years I cried out to God for this and my problem is not lack of thirst my problem is lack of faith there are two things required you know thirst and faith is like the two wires and they touch the light burns every switch electric switch is just two wires touching that's all the wires are kept so close to each other they don't touch there's no light the moment they touch this light fan everything works so thirst and faith some people have thirst but no faith some people have faith but no thirst but when you have first and faith touch that's it and I can say to every single one of you God is faithful and if you are not filled with the Holy Spirit there's only one reason either you lack thirst or you lack faith persist thirst means persistence I am NOT going to give you like Dave you know the Jacob held on to the Lord one day see I God said let me go God said I Jacob said I'm not gonna let you go until you bless me and it says God met with him when he saw that desperation see before that Jacob had been running after money and women and all that and he was clutching clinging on to all that he gave up all that he clung on to God many of you can you look back over your life and there are certain things you have pursued in your life maybe a profession maybe a degree maybe a business you started out with no degree no education no business and today you've got a degree maybe a postgraduate degree or you're prospered in your work you've got a good job you've got a good business you've earned money you some of you built your own houses Krave imagine if you had same persistence with which you succeeded in getting a degree and in your business if you had the same persistence to see for the fullness of the Holy Spirit where you would have been today you say I've got a happy marriage it's like the child who comes back home from school and says mommy I got 40% I passed I went to the next class and the mummy says you're a great kid you got 40% make sure you get 40% next year also okay all the way to ten standard you can get 40% and be a milkman or something with the rest of your life it's okay you won't do that because early things mean so much to you you're not even happy if your child about 90% is it why didn't you get a hundred I wish you had the same earnestness about your spiritual life as well and about your marriage have you got a happy marriage we don't fight with each other 40% to be pass is that what you want how many of you are as eager to have 100% marriage as you are eager for your children to get a hundred percent in school what a lot extra tution why you already got 40 percent why do you want extra tuition I want the child to get at least 80 90 % have you ever seen a mother happy SSLC my child got forty percent I never seen any excited mother coming and telling me my child got forty percent in SSLC but I've seen hundreds of marriages here okay how's your marriage getting on yeah we're okay like this in Hindi shelter getting on your marriage is not supposed to be like that let all the worldly marriages let all the nominal Christian marriages be like that but yours is not supposed to be like that my brother don't be foolish understand the will of the Lord be filled with the Holy Spirit thirst number one okay to move back to Ephesians 5:18 believe that the Lord will give you the Lord who instituted marriage and if he's told you that is the will of the Lord and he asks you why won't he give it to you he'll definitely give it to you okay now when you are filled with holy spirit what is the next most important thing that you must understand the will of the Lord marriage verse 19 what is it speak to one another what a great exhortation for married people don't just say I'm tired I want to go to sleep drink a cup of coffee and speak to one another yeah be filled with the spirit and then speak to one another is very down-to-earth exhortation and speak to one another with Psalms and hymns and you mean I must sing to my wife yeah why not it's a scriptural verse there because the next verse is talking about wives and husbands it's all about marriage that's why the Lord wrote Song of Solomon in Scripture it's called a song you know the only book in the Bible which is called a song you're not supposed to read it you're supposed to sing it I like it it's one of my favorite books I pray it'll be your favorite book too don't be ashamed of it I mean out there in the world the cinemas and all he is saying all those words to other people are not their wives yeah but that was sacred marriage is a very sacred thing I remember the reading of her a Christian there was a Christian movie where the actor and they were acting as husband and wife but in the movie the wife was not his wife you know somebody else his wife was not a good actor so they had to get somebody else to act as a wife and this man was a good actor but he was a believer god-fearing believer and they had to be one scene at the end of it where they were happy and they just kissed each other and you know what he said I said I will not kiss her because she's not my real wife boy I admire that man so you know what they had to do they had to dress up his wife for that last scene with the same dress that this lady wore and at a distance so that you don't recognize this is another woman with this he kissed her I will admire that man for the rest of my life that he would not even for the sake of a movie shot kiss somebody even if that in the movie that way I'll do everything else but not and I'm gonna touch her and hug her and kiss her and all that but in marriage that's a wonderful thing to kiss and hug your wife to be thankful sing songs to her and always give thanks that's another thing I was worse 20 there's another thing which I tell married couples to do always give thanks I want to ask you my dear brothers and sisters have you even once in your life once knelt down beside your bed when you're alone say lord thank you for the wife you gave me oh thank you for the husband you gave me now you may have done it when you're together because you want to make her happy for some reason or you had a fight and so you need loan and say lord thank you for my wife thank you for my husband that's not genuine he's genuine when you're alone and you need loan and say it have you ever when you're all alone and your wife is not hearing it nobody's hearing it lord thank you for my wife thank you for my husband that is genuine what you say to God when you're all alone you and the Lord that comes from your heart and if you have never said it once in your married life I'll tell you what you should do I won't tell you to get a millstone and hang it around your neck and drown because your wife will be a widow then and so don't do that but go and hang your head in shame and say Lord from now on I'm going to sometime when I'm alone I'm gonna say thank you Lord for the wife you gave me thank you Lord for the husband who gave me I tell you it will cement your marriage believe me and once you have children you must start thanking God for them yeah alone I mean there may be a hundred and one things wrong with your child but it is a gift of God lord thank you for this child thank you this is a gift of God do you know that you know my children are in their thirties and some of them in the early 40s every single year when that birthday I have sent them a greeting all my life wherever I am write a card when they were at home card means not these expensive twenty thirty rupee cards usually we were too poor to afford that some old card with one side torn out and you know that's how we made cards in those days but the words are so precious I still have those cards some of my children have written to me but one of the things I said is we thank God that he allowed you to be born in our family you have kept on saying that to our children every single birthday I recommend that you say this have you ever said that to your children at least on their birthday how we thank God that when he decided to send you to earth he sent you to our family give thanks always give thanks verse 20 give thanks for one another give thanks for your children it's a very good habit and you know what is the result of our doing it the result is that they've started sending cards to each other even when they were small I still have some of those cards written with all wrong spelling and all where one boy writes to another boy and thank you so much I want to wish you a happy birthday those are more precious to me than all these expensive cards that come nowadays I tell you this is how you build a family learn to give thanks for one another don't think of money is the most important thing in your family the spirit of Thanksgiving binds the family together learn to thank God for each other first of all then next verse 21 be subject to one another before it says wives be subject to your husband's learn to be subject to one another very important and you're filled with the Holy Spirit you will learn to be subject to one another that means you mean you say you mean I must be subject to my wife you say as a man not only to your wife brother you've got to be subject to your children as well what does it mean subject to one another that means let me explain it don't tread inside their boundary you know there's a verse in Proverbs which says don't move the ancient boundary mark I can't remember it offhand but there is a verse like that I'll look it up sometime you know for these plots and all you have these boundary stones don't go at night and move the boundary stone nobody none of you will do it you know move it two feet that side to get a little more of your neighbor's property no there is a boundary for your neighbor and you'll never try to go into his boundary even if there's no wall you won't move the boundary stone I want to say your wife has got a boundary around her your children have got a boundary around them we must respect that how do I let me start with children how do I respect the boundary around my children one example supposing they are naughty when they're small five six years old they are very naughty when some visitors are there I don't spank them I can Bible says discipline your children but if I discipline them in the presence of these visitors it's a double punishment first of all the spanking and second the humiliation the child suffers in the presence of others so there is a boundary around that child which says dad you can discipline me but don't ever humiliate me before others so I come to that boundary and I stop at me I'm respecting him I'm subjecting myself to that boundary not only when visitors are there I would not punish my child in the presence of his three brothers also or any of his brothers alone there's a dignity about a child a child has got a dignity respect that dignity and that is why we'd never call a child a pig or a donkey or you or something like that do you ever call your child bad names you know there are people who call that you Pig who's the father of the pig it's another Pig you forget that the father of a donkey is a bigger donkey that's all so we should never call children by you know in Kerala they have the habit of calling already he must never call people by that name don't call your wife or children by that name use a loving name there's a boundary of respect even if they have done horrible things you cannot go inside their boundary that is the meaning of be subject to one another or your wife also there's a she's got a dignity about her which we must respect you know I mean for example if you recognize that the kitchen is her Department well there's a dignity about her she must have some area of privacy where she can run the show it's not that you're the master of the house and you run every single room recognize that there is an area where she had not just to cook the food maybe she wants to do things in a certain way respect that that may not be the way you want it but you back out and she doesn't come to your office and tell you how to run your office there well you don't go into her territory and tell her how to run her department you see this is the trouble with a lot of Indian husbands they just think they are Lord of everything so we need to be careful here to respect one of us be subject to one another means I recognize that God has drawn a boundary around that person and I respect that boundary that in my being the head the room I don't humiliate my wife you know people who make crack jokes at their wives and public orgies like that she's like this they have absolutely no respect for the dignity of their wives it's absolutely evil to humiliate your wife like even in the sexual relationship I want to speak a little plainly about this the world speaks plainly about it there are ways in which sometimes her husband has seeks to have a sexual relationship with his wife in a way that humiliates her it's evil there's a dignity about the way even the way in which you have a sexual relationship with your wives it must be with the respect there's a horrible thing in the world called oral sex it's detestable so I remember Christians who talk about it as if it's okay they asked me once about it I said God did not create the mouth for that purpose you treat your wife like some animal or something you call yourself a Christian God change your name to some non-christian name just because you've got some lust for some dirty type of pleasure don't rub your husky wife of the dignity that hers is a human being nobody speaks plainly about these things he'll keep it all talk talk about all types of things and all this type of indignity is going on in our home we must really be careful preserve the dignity of your children preserve the dignity of your wife and your husband then we'll have some Christian marriages otherwise it'll all be singing wonderful songs in the church and all types of other things going on in secret yeah if you don't hear it plainly from anybody else you'll hear it from me these are not things to be hidden in the closet and all types of Evil's gone and among married couples so be subject to one another in the fear of Christ it's a subjection which comes out of fear that Jesus is Lord of my house I'm answerable to him the way I treat my wife I have to answer to God one day the way I treat my I'm answerable to God one day do you believe that do you believe that my brothers you young couples as you began your beginning your married life you recognized that Jesus Christ is to be in the middle these there are reverence you have for Christ that makes you respect your husband and wife you see I always say the New Testament elevated everything in the Old Testament in the Old Testament one day in seven was holy unto the Lord in the New Covenant seven days and seven are holy to the Lord in the New Covenant you give your firstborn son only to God in the New Covenant you give all your children sons and daughters to God in the Old Covenant they gave one tenth of their produce of their fields to God in the New Covenant we say Lord everything is yours and tell us what we should use for ourselves and how we should use it it's all higher okay one of the things that was set in the Old Testament I don't have time to show it to you I think in Leviticus 19 it says honor and a gray-haired person stand up whenever a gray-haired person comes that's a habit which is not found even among so-called believers children and the fault is 100% with their parents they have no respect for parent for older people but anyway the Old Covenant was that honor or respect older people rise up before the gray-headed in case you don't know where that versus maybe I should show it you see Leviticus and it's one of those interesting laws in the Book of Leviticus chapter 19 verse 32 you shall rise up before the grey-headed and honor the aged person you shall thus reverence your God they the Lord was saying the way you show your respect for me is by respecting older people and that doesn't mean just older believers the Lord taught me even if a beggar who comes to the gate when I was much younger he's older than you speak respectfully to him I mean the circumstances of society of his life may have made him poor but he's a person who's a creature of God I must respect him and I've always thought to do that well not in the early days when nobody taught me these things but now I have learned but in the New Covenant in the Old Covenant it was a respect the older person in the New Covenant you know what it is whom shall be honored 1 Peter chapter 2 verse 17 all people not only older people that's how the New Covenant goes higher than the Old Covenant honor older people has become honor all people so you must honor your wife you must speak respectfully to your wife you must be Chris Peck fully to your husband and when he even when you speak to your children speak to them with dignity that's why I said you can't call them take your dog or and all that type of stuff with dignity the dignity of a human being remember that person is a person whom Jesus felt was so important that he came down from heaven and died for that person and you treat that person without dignity someone whom Jesus felt he should shed his blood for that's amazing I mean non-christians doing that is okay but a Christians so always look at your wife is someone whom Jesus felt was so important a person that he's it's worth coming from heaven to die for her look at your husband like that you know it's all a question of how we look that's the New Covenant look give thanks and and then we go on in Ephesians where it talks about like the high wife and the husband is like the head to the body now you know the head and there are the word head me has got different meanings head of department head of the country head of a corporation head of a company and head of the body all had the word is used many husbands behave like the head of the corporation okay we've got a corporation in this house and I am the CEO that's not the type of head she's speaking here as head of the body my head doesn't act like a CEO to my body it's very sensitive to the needs of my body any little injury immediately the head knows about it and sets does something about it that is the picture used here he speaks of a fellowship see CEO of a corporation has got no fellowship with the workers the Prime Minister of India doesn't have any fellowship with you and me but the head of the body can you imagine a head and a body not having fellowship everything they're doing together doing together together together fellowship fellowship fellowship it's so intimately United see man is spirit soul and body and a woman is spirit soul and body and let me tell you the whole purpose of the sexual relationship the physical relationship between man and woman it's a very sacred area and I'm no hesitation to speak about it because my mind is not polluted with the cinema and the movies teaching on sex once upon a time it was but I've cleansed it all out of that garbage and I hope you have also but I feel that it's possible some of you younger people have not you got that dirty image of sex that you never talked about sex because that's dirty stuff it's not dirty stuff it's the most sacred thing you know what do you know that's one of the first things that got old Adam and Eve in Genesis chapter 1 if you don't believe it he talked about sex to Adam and Eve in Genesis chapter 1 as soon as he created Adam he told him god bless them verse 28 and God said to them let me paraphrase his words first words to man have sex with each other that is that coolants paraphrase I don't think you'll find it in message translation or anywhere else but that's exactly what it means god blessed them and said have sex with each other and have children you don't see it there tell me am i exaggerating or not is it some fanciful interpretation how did he expect them to be fruitful by shaking hands or something and be fruitful you don't become fruitful by shaking hands what did he mean by be fruitful and don't these super spiritual religious people say no he was telling them to have the fruit of the Spirit rubbish he was just telling that we have children this is super spiritual people get on my nerves sometimes Candide said be fruitful and multiply what does it mean be fruitful and multiply have sex and have children very first words of man is it sacred or not and God looked at it and said it's very good verse 30 32 31 he saw everything that he had made including sex and he's just very good how many of you can say the sexual relationship is something wonderful God is created it's it's something very good it's very sacred and holy just like kneeling down and praying together we can have sex together as a holy act before God many if you can't do it ask God to cleanse out the cinema ideas from your mind and all the dirty pornographic ideas from your mind is still God the leftovers are there you know it's like food you've eaten and the leftovers are still there the stinking leftovers from food that you ate one week ago there are stinking leftovers from the worldly ideas of sex you got from movies and stories and dirty pornographic pictures and you've got to get rid of those leftovers like you get rid of leftovers from food get some fresh food and from God and you find it's a sacred thing it's a holy thing it's one of the purposes of marriage if you know that one of the main purposes of marriage 1 Corinthians 7 let me show you scripture I'm gonna bring you down to earth 1 Corinthians 7 he got to see scripture verse 2 [Music] supposing I read it like this because you will feel lonely you must have a wife or because it's good to have children you must have a wife or what is even worse if you have a wife you can earn more money for the house because you can get somebody to cook the food you like you must have a wife you put a hundred and one reasons there and they're all wrong what does it say because you might go and have sex with another woman get married how down to earth the Bible is all these super spiritual religious people what did you marry your wife form it says here because the danger is otherwise you go and have sex with some other woman get married man and then okay let's move on to another subject no no Holy Spirit says we can't move on yet verse three the husband must fulfill his sexual duty to his wife and the wife must fulfill her sexual duty to her husband what's this the Holy Spirit's crazy about sex he's not crazy about sex he's just telling you the facts of life to all the super spiritual religious Pharisees who act as though they are not interested in sex who's he's trying to cleanse our mind or the wrong attitude to sex in marriage that's why I paraphrase it because of the danger of your going in having sex with another woman get married verse three you must fulfill your sexual duty to your wife and the wife must fulfill her sexual you dear husband because reason the wife does not have authority over her own body but her husband does until she was married her body was hers that day she got married she lost authority over her body and it became her husband's how many of you wives acknowledge that your body does not belong to you it belongs to your husband it is why are you so reluctant to give it to him would you steal somebody's wallet keep it to yourself and when he asked for it you don't give it back it's his but he won't give it back it's exactly the same thing it is his and so you must fulfill your sexual duty dear husband but you see sometimes I'm so tired and exhausted right then you must tell your wife see I'm very tired and exhausted now can we postpone this to some other time sure husband must be considered but you must recognize your body belongs to your husband and now that all the husbands are happy I got a word for you and I tell you this is tougher the husband does not have authority over his body but his wife has and husband says sure I'm ready anytime that's not the meanie the meaning is your eyes which are part of your body which belong to you till the day you got married don't belong to you anymore how many of you husbands can say my eyes belong to my wife I'd like to see a husband who boldly says that I have recognized that my body belongs to my wife not just the sex part of me every husband will be eager to have sex but what about the rest of your body it says your body belongs not just this sex part of you but your body you don't wife has got authority over your body are your eyes a part of your body yes you're not to look at another woman to desire her either in a picture or physically because your eyes belong to your wife can you honestly say that you look at every girl's picture the way in exactly the same way you would look if your wife was sitting right next to you can you look at can you say that you look at every girl in the office or in the bus or on the street the way you would if your wife is sitting next to you and saw what you were looking at then you're a wonderful husband who recognizes that you don't have authority over your body you who are so eager to tell your wife the Bible says you don't have authority over your body I have listened to your wife saying honey you don't have authority over your eyes don't forget that when you're away from me we are such hypocrites we demand from another a right and don't allow that person to have a right over us the Holy Spirit is very plain when it comes to sexual matters and then it says stop depriving one another except by agreement that means they both agree that for a period we're not going to have sex because just like we avoid food for a day or so to fast and pray you can avoid sex to past and pray but otherwise once it's over come back again [Music] it looks as if the Holy Spirit never stops it stops talking about sex come back again come together again otherwise no matter how strong you are Satan will tempt you because the urge is so great in a man a wife is not so tempted because God has not put such a big purge in her but it's such a strong urge sometimes wives say why is my husband so eager to have sex every day I'll tell you because he's a man do you want him to be a woman who walks on high heels and ones delicately around and not able to do hard worker in the house you want a woman like that or you want a man if you want a man you've got to take the whole package and sex comes with it whether you like it or not so you have to come together and then he says one thing don't try to stay single thinking that you can overcome this it says in verse 9 it's better to marry than to burn you no sexual desire is compared in this verse to burning a fire that is burning you pour water to quench it sex is like that it's a burning passion in a man and it's only a sexual relationship that quenches it that's why the Bible says the two shall become one flesh but you say man is spirit soul and body don't we have to be one spirit that'll come you know what the super spiritual people will say we cannot be one flesh till we become one spirit AHA then you'll be waiting fifty years after marriage before you have your first sexual relationship I tell you we believe it or not there was one married couple that just after marriage me they stayed in our house for a few days not in our church I think they were then and the poor man came to me it's a few days after marriage pray he says brother Zach my wife says I have to be one in spirit with her before I ever become important flesh with her I think I'm doomed to be a Brahma cheerio all my life that means like a bachelor on unmarried relationship with mom so you know what I do when I see women like that who are super spiritual I call them and tell them what I think of that type of rubbish I said the Bible says the two shall be one flesh and then progressively they become in mind and body I want mind and spirit with the Lord we become one in spirit first but with our married partners we become one body first and then that one body leads on to if you have a good mutual relationship the sexual relationship is an expression of a wonderful fellowship together and it must not be something reluctantly done it must be an expression of love it must be a holy expression of love one which just like you pray pray before you eat food lord thank you for this you know you can pray before you have sex invite Jesus don't invite anybody else into your bedroom but definitely invite Jesus there because he's the one who ordained it Lord bless us as we eat this food bless us as we have sex bless us as we sleep there are three things God has given man food sleep and sex you can ask God to bless all three get all the cinema ideas out of your head yeah fellowship and sex relationship is a one expression of intimate fellowship that is where a man and a woman are closer to each other than he is with her his father and mother and that she is with her parents he doesn't have that type of close relationship he and she don't have that type of close relationship with their own parents but when it comes to marriage its physical absolute physical union it's supposed to be closer and God ordained it like that you know God could have made man and woman in such a way that they sort of kiss each other and have a child I'm sure God could have done that but would that have been difficult so not at all but God didn't do it that way to show the destory such an intimate relationship between the two which you don't even have with your parents that's why marriage is closer than relationship with parents and you must recognize that and that's why it's important to break away from the control that your parents seek to have into your marriage let me say it reverently if you let your parents control your marriage and you're closer to them than to your marriage partner it's like having sex with your parents are you disgusted I hope you are it is like that you wanna have sex with your parents what it's with your wife man she's the one you're supposed to be one with don't let your parents interfere on your wife therefore shall a man leave his father and mother leave to his wife but my parents took care of me for so long it's like you know when a baby is born and this umbilical cord is there connecting the baby to the mother and for nine months this umbilical cord supplied everything and if the baby could speak God don't cut that umbilical cord please that is what supplied me with life I would be dead if it were not for this umbilical cord don't don't cut it please I like this umbilical cord I want to always be connected you think that baby will live so you think that marriage will live where this husband or wife says this umbilical invisible umbilical cord that connects me to my parents they'll cared for me all my life not just nine months don't cut it please don't cut it cut it how long does a doctor wait before cutting the umbilical cord is he fast and pray over it for two three hours should I cut this cord or not how long do you wait before you break that emotional attachment to your parents let them our control and run Yola seek their advice but don't let them run your life if you want an unhappy marriage first prescription let your parents run your life you must love each other and sexual relationship is just one part of it and now you see may take this matter of decisions decisions taking decisions together you know how much conflict comes in decisions my way your way to take decisions together let me suggest to you must be exactly like having sex together don't you enjoy having sex together you should enjoy taking decisions together to take a decision all by yourself is your wife is sitting there and you're going and having sex by yourself masturbating or something like that that's crazy it's a stupid to take a decision all by yourself it must be as enjoyable as like having a baby how do you have a baby the husband contributes something the wife contributes something they come together and a baby is born how should you take a decision the husband contributes something the wife contributes something they come together and a healthy decision comes out supposing why husband says I'm the boss here I'm going to have a baby without my wife just my part is enough you try it brother you'll never have a baby you know that however smart and clever you think you are you need your little wives help to have a baby I wish you would realize the same thing when you take a decision and you're supposed to enjoy those decision-making times just like you enjoy having sex together this is spiritual it's 100 percent spiritual and that is why I talk about it very plainly like the Holy Spirit speaks about it plainly why isn't it like that because we've got all these worldly evil ideas in our mind and when we take decisions you know just like I said when you have sexual relationship me you must be considerate if your wife is tired or in the way not ready you should be considerate deny yourself like it says here then you must say okay we won't have we're not going to have a sexual relationship it's it says here that there must be a certain amount of self-control sometime consideration just like you wouldn't make your wife carry that heavy suitcase you carry it must be consideration in these areas very important consideration the Bible says in 1 Peter chapter 3 that her husband must live with Anne in an understanding way with your wife 1 Peter chapter 3 living an understanding way verse 7 with your wife recognizing that she is weaker why is she weaker not because she's unspiritual sometimes you think she's weaker because she's unspiritual the Holy Spirit says she's weaker because she's a woman I like that why is she weaker in her mind than you because she's a woman when she weaker in certain areas where you you know while she's so upset that you paid two rupees more for the cauliflowers or the cabbage you couldn't care less even if you ate ten rupees more not because you're most spiritual brother but because she's a woman she's particular about these little little things God made her like that because only such people can care care for babies you won't be able to care for babies but she can that's why she's so particular about little things in the house should not be broken and must be preserved as much you couldn't care less you throw it wrong but she's careful because she's a woman live in an understanding way don't see and so spiritually I don't care for these things you're not spiritual you're a man that's all sometimes we it's like saying I can lift 50 kilos because I'm spiritual you can't live 50 kilos you're not spiritual you ever heard anybody saying so stupid things like that that is the type of attitude some husbands have Oh see how I don't cry over those little things silly thing you start crying she's crying not because she's unspiritual she's a woman and you don't cry path because you're a hard-hearted man so God has made men and women so different it's so good one needs the other so live in an understanding way you're way our goals are coming you must have a goal the goal is to glorify God in your life make that your goal not just to live for each other not even to have sex but to glorify God in our home must glorify God if God gives us children glorify God and if you don't have children then both of us together glorify God that's it we're not here to get upset with God or dictate to him well say thank you Lord whatever you give me I accept take time to be with each other recognize that a woman understanding way means she needs to have time with you you know I'll tell you I never knew the needs of a woman till I got married I studied in a all-boys school all the way till I was 15 I joined the military academy for three and a half years I was only with men from there I went to a ship and in a ship there are only men this is how I grew up till the age of 28 then I found a woman this is a new experience for me and I did not know anything about a woman how I did that temperament and tendency or anything like that and I didn't realize what a selfish person I was till I got married I only thought about myself and that's why the early years were married you will struggle just like your early years of marriage don't get discouraged at the early years of his marriage or struggle brother Zacks was also probably worse than yours because I didn't have anybody to teach me like I'm teaching you right now I wish I had it may have been a little better but I struggled I forget angry and I did not know my selfishness but gradually I learned I was determined I knew that God wanted us to have a happy marriage and it took some years it didn't happen overnight but he worked on it worked on it worked on it and I say Lord I am determined I don't care how long it takes to have a marriage which is like a foretaste of heaven on earth I'm determined don't give up it's like climbing Mount Everest Lord I'm gonna get there I'll tell you we're not perfectly but we are closer to the dog than we were when we married 44 years ago much closer that's perfect peace and fellowship in the home that doesn't mean you're perfect we've still got a long way to go and that's why I say whenever there's a conflict in the early years there will be conflicts you will see things in your partner which you never even thought were there Hey I didn't know if he was like this I didn't know she was like this and you know why God hid it from you so that you won't reject her so that you won't reject him God cleverly concealed certain bad points in your wife so that you would marry her God conceal certain bad points in your husband so that you would marry him because he wanted you to marry him he wanted you to marry her because he knew that if you see all the bad points you may think there are no bad points in you at all and you will say no and you'll remain a bachelor all your life or a unmarried woman all your life because there is no perfect man I remember telling one sister don't look for a perfect man because you're not a perfect woman how can God unite an imperfect woman of the perfect man recognize you're imperfect so God has to give you somebody imperfect as a partner God has ordained dogs for dogs cats for cats rats for rats and imperfect human beings for each other rejoice in that don't say I want a perfect one it's like a dog saying I want a cat or I want a lion maybe good to have a lion but a doll in a lion won't match lioness so to say that I want a perfect person when you're imperfect it's like a dog a female dog saying I want to lie on for my husband you're imperfect brother sister God knows your impervia has given you a thoroughly equally imperfect twice so whenever you see some imperfection in your wife or your husband you say God saw my condition and gave me the right person it's as imperfect as me remember that it'll bless your marriage instead always finding fault with each other it's absolute truth so that's why we need to learn to when conflicts come it's just because you're imperfect that's like Pathan gets into your foot I always say pull it out immediately why do you wait you hurt one another pull out that thorn don't wait till the evening to pull out all the thorns you never pull out a thorn from your foot late at night as soon as it gets in set it right make your relationship right and let me tell you one more thing about I've always thought the Lord must be first in your life not your husband or wife even today I know Jesus is first in my marriage my wife is second and I wanted her always to have Jesus first in her life and me second I'd be disappointed if she put me first because our marriage won't be strong a marriage is strong of Jesus is in the middle be very strong he's the glue that holds us together but then second must not be the church that's the thing I want to say second must be your wife not the church some people make the church second thing I'm very spiritual I remember in one of our churches in town in Tamilnadu where the brothers were so zealous they every day they would come back from work and go straight to the meeting hall and pray for half an hour or one hour before they went home I told them you're a bunch of Pharisees you're not spiritual clothes those prayer meetings down go home first we don't want these daily prayer meetings immediately after work in the church you know some some of these unspiritual commands I gave them so that they have a happy marriage and there's a wonderful church there today because they put their home above the church not the home above the Lord Lord home Church always don't place that doesn't mean ah now I got an excuse not to come for any meetings because I'm going for a walk with my wife you can take any truth and put it out of proportion and feed your own lusts that's up to you some people will always take advantage of the grace of God but you know what I mean you must take time to spend with your wife early years of marriage I always say go for a walk and let your wife especially unburden what is in her heart I remember you know one of the ways I didn't understand my wife was I never realized that particularly when she had a child she's to tell me that I feel like I'm in a prison for walls and we were very poor just a small one-room house four walls it was like a prison whole day and night there me I could go on the scooter here there and go out for a ministry and I'll come back but she's in the four walls and I never realized it does something to a woman when she's inside a prison all the time I've had the diversion of seeing things and coming back and all you forget that she has not had that diversion you say where I've been so tired in my office and all that I know you've retired in office but you had the diversion of something different and your wife was sitting inside a prison for ten hours and you come back and just go to sleep drink some coffee and keep away go for a walk I would exalt you remember that when you come back from work you have come back from work enjoying talking to so many people meeting so many things and the diversion of your profession and your wife has been bored sitting inside a prison the whole day have some fellowship give priority to that and if you give her an exhortation my wife once told me please don't give me an exhortation when I'm tired wait till I'm little fresh one of the wisest bits of advice I ever got that's not the time to give an exhortation to your wife end of the day listen honey I've got these five points I've been thinking about it that is not the time to tell her those five important points they can wait throw it in the flush and flush it down that they talk about it some other time when you're fresh and happy you know just like you don't Lord somebody down with work when they are tired that's not the time to give an exhortation or when people are angry either husband or wife or angry that's not the time to sow seed you know darling the Bible says please leave the Bible and all out of it resolve your conflict first the more you quote scripture the more they'll be fury from the other side so so the seat but wait till the storm subsides go and ask any farmer sir do you sow seed when there's a storm or he means sow seed when the storm all I see will be lost I wait till the storm subsides let's calm then I saw the sea learn from the farmer very simple advice right the other is the matter of you know when you discover things wrong with each other after your marriage there's a wonderful expression that I use keep both eyes open before marriage and keep one eye shut after marriage that means don't see everything you must keep one eye shut after marriage but before marriage before you get married inquire investigate keep both eyes wide open get a pair of glasses or binoculars everything then only get married but once you're married throw away the binoculars throw away the telescope throw away the microscope especially and keep one eye shut and that means ignore a lot of things because your aim is not to make the other person perfect your aim is fellowship and in that fellowship you will make each other perfect so now the problem sometimes have people have is when a child comes in and it's true in almost all Indian homes one of the evils of this corrupt hidden culture that men loved the children more than their wives and women love their children more than their husbands I have no hesitation in saying that is an evil from the pit of hell I do not love my children more than my wife and I never will God gave me a wife to be one with I am one flesh with her I will never be one flesh with my children or my parents so my children are not closer to me than my wife and the sexual relationship proves it it is incest to have sex with your children and to put your children above your wife is like incest you may not realize it is a spiritual form of incest and most Indian families practice it and if you are more attached to your child after the child came husband or wife I would say you're practicing spiritual incest to repent of it and learn to love your partner once again put that child in the pro please care for it but don't let that child or anyone come between you and your husband or wife only Jesus must be there Plus nobody no husband no wife no child no one I speak strongly because this is one of the evils that I see in this country and I can stand before God and say that 44 years my children have never come between me and my wife never never never and they will never come that's why you see in Indian homes once the children are all gone away the husband's hit each other they are bored what to do nothing to do we only got each other what do you mean only got each other you should be happy you're together now so start when the soon as a child is born make sure that child is never going to come as a separator between you as much as you enjoy your child enjoy it but enjoy your wife even more as much as you enjoy that little child running learning to walk enjoy your husband even more you don't follow these simple principles you're doomed to have an unhappy marriage but you're the one who made it unhappy because you violated God's laws you put the plug in the wrong place and the machine is broken down machine broke down because you didn't follow the manufacturer's instructions and that's the thing that we need to one last thing would you like to go on for another 1 hour you're hungry right money boy war a lot of problems can be caused by money starting with dowry dowry is one of the greatest evils in this country thank God the government has passed a law against it but 99.9% of people and country don't follow the law even Christians even tongue speaking Christians go for dowry then because the pastor's promote dori we're about the only church that stands against it and not only stands against it I take a certificate from every married couple saying there's been no exchange of money between us and there will not be any till the day of our marriage and if you can't give me that certificate I say go to somebody else and let him conduct your wedding I won't have anything to do with it of course somebody may give me a false certificate and tell a lie or find some loophole around it let them do that God will judge them I always say I am one checkpost and if you cheated me and went past the check post there's another check post there God will send you back so don't try to fool God don't let money be a factor in your marriage in making your choice should I marry this person does her father have enough money in my marriage I never I insisted the dowry will not be discussed you know how unconverted relatives are I remember one of my uncle or uncle's was sitting there as the discussion and his parents and my father and all and after everything was settled my uncle said ah this is one more thing right I said no there is no more thing that's I knew what was coming and I nipped it in the bud and I said there's no more thing it's over and he says me I'm trying to help you man you're not helping me he's unconverted he doesn't know what help means I see the same thing that came to my children I did not find out I'll tell you what all I did not find out when I wanted to get my children when they suggested a girl to me she from a rich family I couldn't care less that it would be from a poor family has she got an education so that she can also work and earn some money no not interested now that none of my daughters-in-law are working it's now it doesn't interest me and does she have too many brothers or sisters that my son will have to help them uh none important let him help do go to the poor this is the way I conducted this my children's marriage have you heard of Indian parents doing it like this this is Christian I only want to know do they love Jesus do they care for the poor are they willing to serve the Lord I want to know those things do they love the Lord do they love God's Word let me see some evidence of that and when I found out I told my boys go right ahead I couldn't care less about anything else I haven't regretted it we have never had mother-in-law daughter-in-law problems with them or father-in-law and you'd have no problems at all don't make money a factor don't make money and issue in your marriage no try to be United recognize that it's possible that a man may have more wisdom in this area sometimes a woman may have wisdom take your decisions like you have sex together be United input from both sides and have a baby called a decision a healthy baby in this money it's very very important avoid debt I am so immensely thankful to God that I had who was willing to live extremely simply when we had very little that was the only reason who I have never been in debt in all our years of marriage or my whole life but it was easy in my single days but not never been in debt or anything I see if I can't afford it we don't buy it I never believed in buy now and pay later no that's why I say if you use a credit card please be extremely careful do you know the number of people who have ruined their lives with credit card debt bye bye bye bye bye and then no end to that buying then how shall we pay all this money it's not worth it why not live a little more simply we lived simply we didn't buy new clothes we bought only what is absolutely necessary for our home don't make money your goal make if God gives you money fine and many of you you think you have very little I'll tell you what the devil will do listen to me the devil's standard tactic he will always make you look at people who have more than you because that's the way he'll make you unhappy do you think the devil will ever make you look at people who have less than you never because then you'll be happy he doesn't want you happy I remember once one couple came here many years ago it was to see me and they were talking about oh brother we have so little and we are struggling I said you know there's a slum down here about a mile away I want you to just have a walk down there and come back and then talk to me you know what the cure was then walk through that slum see all those married couples living there and come back to me okay you got any problems no no problems I know constantly nothing they just had a walk through the slum that's all the devil will always make you look you can earn fifty thousand eighty thousand rupees a month a hundred thousand rupees a month and you won't be happy coz garland the devil will show you somebody who is getting hundred 2,000 rupees a month he won't show you that person who is earning 20,000 a month because you'll be fantastically happy then and the devil doesn't want you to be happy this is how it is with money you know let me get what they had you go somewhere you say ah I I want to get that for my house if it's useful for the house get it and if you can afford it otherwise don't get it just like women look at the sari see Wow how wish I could get that salia they pester their husband for the next so many months to get that time sorry either they have money or not you must know how much money you have in your home and don't unnecessarily buy things and I tell you this credit card is destroyed so many Christian homes and Christian ministries because you become income into debt you cannot have an anointing I don't believe God ever anoints a person who's in debt and I believe that is the number one reason that many many of you do not have a richer anointing I don't know about your finances but it's possible your carelessly using your credit cards it could be one reason I'll tell you why because God spoke to me I know that in some situations you need a credit card but if my boys for example they live in the United States in many situations and in America you need a credit card whether you like it or not I decided never to have one I don't need one here in India so I've always lived with a debit card but sometimes you need it there are certain situations where you cannot do it but for like there you get airline tickets and so many things you have to have a credit card so then you can't do it some airlines will accept a debit card motions and don't so I saw this versus you must owe no man anything and I told my boys listen ok you have to have a credit card because certain situations in the u.s. like if you rent a car or something they'll never give you a car on a debit card it has to be on a credit card ok if a single month goes by in your life without paying that credit card bill that shows you're unfit to have a credit card that's the test I gave one month went by and you didn't pay that credit card bill you're unfit either throw it away or make sure that doesn't happen again [Music] and I believe all four of my boys are without debt at all and that is a very strange thing for 99% of people in America do you know that that's because most Christians don't teach that it's a sin to be in debt is it a sin to have sex with somebody else's wife oh yes of course I'll tell you it's equally a sin to be in debt see what it says there Romans chapter 13 Romans chapter 13 verse 9 you shall not murder you shall not commit adultery you shall not steal verse 8 you shall not be in debt so what's the difference so I'll lump together don't commit adultery don't murder don't steal and don't owe anybody anything can it be clearer than that what would you think if you kept on committing adultery every month with somebody only once a month or worse than that you just murder one up one for every month you know it says in that previous verse don't don't be an in fact that comes before these verses don't owe anybody anything take it seriously that's why the only way to do it is husband and my opposed work together and recognize what can we afford I want to live within that amount what can we afford and I tell you God will bless you I am so thankful you know the advantage of it is that our children saw how we would struggle and even when you were living here in Bangalore even after the church started I said I want to prove it is possible to live within our income let me tell you some of the things we used to do we could not afford to buy rice from the market so my wife and I would stand one hour in the ration queue out there on Hutchins Road to get rationed rice which is cheaper it's not so good quality they took plug clean out a lot more stones etc it stand in the ration queue I remember so many years to get sugar because we couldn't afford to buy it we were not the rich type oh just throw around and get whatever we want I say God God could have made us millionaires but he didn't he taught us taught us to be disciplined he taught us to ask tested us to see what would we do when we have little God never gives a man in ministry without testing him my wife would stand there in the ration queue to get kerosene because gas was too expensive for us we cook on a kerosene stove is when we had children at home right in this house they would stand in the queue to get kerosene each time in the queue to get this because it was cheaper in the ration shop and we wouldn't travel if he couldn't afford it and we even when my mom had a car it was lying in our house I hardly ever used it I hardly ever used it because I couldn't afford the petrol cost was lying there once in a while I had to take the children out once in a while and that's why I think I did about when I finally sold it after 25 years the average was about 600 kilometers in a year I drove it 50 kilometers a month because I couldn't afford it I don't want to get into debt I say scooter is good enough I say I and my wife and children we'd go on a scooter or make two trips determined I will not get into debt I'm not gonna buy something I can't afford we'd never buy new clothes for the children on their birthdays we couldn't afford it we'd buy new clothes for them and the old clothes wore out whether it was but they are not birthday I said let the rich people do what they like we're not in that category we would take when they were in kindergarten we take a pencil and cut it into two and say use the small pencil in kindergarten because you may lose it we can't afford to keep buying new pencils little children lose benzos we cut an eraser into two now you may think we're stupid crazy you know what's the result seventy two years without debt of one rupee I'd like you to beat that record you may think I'm crazy for cutting pencils into two and erasers into two all these fellows who spend lavishly you see how much debt there it does see how much unhappiness there is their homes which do you prefer little little things we would not buy fish too expensive you don't need fish you can live without fish I'm not talking about today today we have God has given us enough children are well-off we have plenty but those were the days when our children were in school and to pay the fees and so many things we would not buy anything we could not afford we never went out to a restaurant even ice cream was a once in a month luxury why not because we weren't misers even those days I never took a cent from the church I've never taken a cent from this church in 37 years I'm not going to be a paid worker but I was not going to be in debt and I was not going to be dependent on another person I'm not gonna send reports and get money from people no but boy what a lot of lessons we learn from it and what a lot of lessons our children learn from it and they've learned the value of taking care of things yet your shoe resold if there are holes in the bottom of the shoe don't throw it away there are cobblers here you can get it resold and use it again you little little things you know we can be careful yeah if you are careful with things like this I was the most thing I was most eager about I'll tell you honestly it's the same today Lord I do not want to lose the anointing of the Holy Spirit at any cost give me an anointing so that I can build your church tell me the price for it and the Lord said be faithful with money and he gave that verse to me from Luke 16 if you are not faithful with unrighteous money Luke 16 verse 11 God will not give you the true riches Luke 16 11 if you're not faithful let me paraphrase it if you are not faithful with money in your house God will not give you the anointing of the Holy Spirit no you're careless with money you think you got and I'll tell you the other thing the great danger is when you have plenty this is the other extreme oh I'm not in debt but you have money just because you got plenty you can go and splash it around going regularly to restaurants and wasting that money which you could have used for some poor people in the villages in Tamil Nadu why should I give to the poor villages dominar let me go and spend hundreds of rupees and have a grand dinner in this restaurant today and the other restaurant tomorrow the other we don't do it even today you may think we're skimping on the skimping on that say what you like in the day when God opens the record books let's see what the final record is like I can see it already today in the lack of anointing there is in so many people who could have been mighty servants of God in many of our churches I don't know their private life but I can say they are not faithful with money that's why God does not commit to true riches to them he doesn't the revelation of God's Word you know what all revelry since God has given me in his word true riches God said be faithful with money you were faithful when you are little now be faithful when you have much I said lord help me I don't want to buy things just because I've got money dear brothers there's a word here for everyone who wants to have a happy marriage and if you're fine if you find your husband extravagant you know what these people who ride horses do with the reins you have a little pull if you find your wife extravagant give a little pull you must help one another money is a very very important area the people who have literally get into debt and the people are much splash it around thinking that this is my hard-earned hard-earned money one of the first things God taught me when I was in the Navy was it is not your hard-earned money it is what I gave you as a salary as a gift take it thank you lord I learned that lesson fifty years ago when I was working learn it you may all be getting fantastic salaries but I tell you I don't envy you who can splash around money which I could not do at your age I feel sorry for you you'll have your grand restaurant meals but you won't have the anointing you will have your Grand Vacations endless money splashed around here and there but you won't have a revelation on God's Word you can have your choice I made my choice and I don't regret it I feel sorry that God has got so few profits in India because they are so careless with money I have longed and longed for 37 years to see profits rise up in all of our CFC churches I see a few one two three four like that there should be many more God is not United you in marriage just to keep each other happy but to build his church be faithful and don't complain when your husband can't buy something live simply help the poor don't splash it all on yourself God will reward you abundantly I'll give you one verse on that psalm 41 psalm 41 how blessed is he who considers the helpless the poor the Lord will deliver him in a day of trouble do you know how many days of trouble the Lord has delivered me from I cannot number it the Lord will protect him and keep him alive he has protected me in numerous places he'll be called blessed on the earth he will not give him over to the desire of his enemies I have had numerous enemies because I stand up for the Lord the Lord has never given me over to their desire the Lord will sustain him upon his sickbed in his illness he will restore him to health I cannot tell you the number of times I've been sick and up the next morning healed otherwise I would not have been able to serve the Lord all these 46 years by the grace of God I've never missed a meeting in 46 years due to sickness it's not something to glory in well my wife has had a part in it to keep me healthy but God is taking care of me that's all I give the glory and died early to God I say to you my brothers and sisters care for the poor that is why I went mostly to the villages in Tamil not for so many years just to break my back sitting in 16 hours and those bumpy buses to these conferences but I see the result today well worth it and I haven't brought broken down because with that give me how to still so don't take care of yourself take care of the Lord and his work and put it first you will never regret in this earth or an eternity may you all have a marriage that goes on happily forever and ever I mean they lived happily ever after okay it's not a fairy tale ending it's a real Christian marriage or it should be let's pray inspire heads family father thank you for a wonderful time you gave us this afternoon and for these wonderful young married couples beginning a journey in life which can become glorious or disastrous help them to obey the manufacturer's instructions help them to obey it down to the last detail to be humble enough to acknowledge that they don't know the rules as well as you do bless them and lead them on Lord we commit them to you each one here I believe has tremendous potential here which the devil sees and which he wants to destroy their lives and would you see and you want for yourself help them not to be overwhelmed with what they heard today but to recognize that step by step little by little through many mistakes like a child learning to walk falling down getting up falling down getting up they can also learn Bryan Oh Lord it was through many Falls that I slowly learned I'm still learning help us all we pray in Jesus name

Channel: SermonIndex.net

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Keywords: Zac Poonen, Zac Poonen Sermons, Revival, Character Of God, Free Sermons, Video Sermons, Jesus Christ, What Is The Gospel, SermonIndex, What Is The Truth

Id: FduGbM99RmA

Length: 110min 32sec (6632 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 07 2012