Futurama - The Best Massage Of The Future!

Pazuzu you ungrateful gargoyle I put you through college let me just adjust the [Music] seat this ship can do 99% light speed why are we going 35 M an hour because we're in a hurry that's why yo Captain cataracts what are we doing here no it's 2:30 we can still catch the early bird dinner special sir this card is expired but it's good for a lifetime well yours expired the hell Professor we've talked it over and everybody thinks you're too old right yep but I like being old I don't have to talk to my parents no one asked me to help move their [Music] stuff oh careful with the giblets M you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints the tar blisters the age right out of the body in what top scientists suspect is a miracle portal spit 53 years old dear Lord You've all reverted to your childhood forms hooray it wasn't me Mr if it was Amy stop it Amy this is my chance to spend time with my parents too but your parents are gross sewer mutants [Music] ow and if some kid picks on me my dad can beat up his dad can't I just beat up the kid oh my Amy is sweet little girl again this is like a mother's dream I've got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of Youth suddenly I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork every 3 hours all you ever do is complain you you never try to make things better well I'm running away from this dead end family I'm getting the doorbell for me oh hello sir well whatever you're really doing don't wake us if you get in after 12 dad you're being too lenient again oh so this is the famous fry what is he like The Biggest Loser on the surface so he has to hang out in the sewer the devil take this predictable colum WEA you can stop winning now we won I'm too short to reach the handbrake it seems the euth azing tar was saturated with time altering chronitons thanks Professor but I don't want the treatment my old life wasn't as glamorous as my webpage made it look all I ever wanted was to grow up here with you the age restoring microbes are ready everyone into the bacterial spew chamber oh ah poo we're even younger we'll all keep getting younger and younger until we suffer a fate worse than death pre lifee I've got to stop this reverse aging before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of unbirth know everyone pretend to Goblin at your tongues and I'll read you a story snow white dwarf and the Seven red dwarves Charlotte tholan web the Fountain of Aging hey sup kids Ready's back a grounded teenager must be confined to her room until she sneaks out according to this the fountain is located in the darkest most ancient region of space just past Teddy bear Junction we've got to hurry the kids have only one change of pants the Curr it's too much already help my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain he always had to be the center of attention ask for the help we were once we're grown up you can go back to your family I'm coming in after you no Leela you can't give up your childhood he's too far out we can't reach him with my last breath I curse zberg I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid Leela well I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes and that little one is her papa gain his Freedom now Bon [Music] we [Music] probably what is it I've created a simulation of the entire universe good news everyone we've got a delivery wo bite my shiny metal pixel Amy obiously and the rest my cutron uses more electricity than 100 bug zappers listen up thle today you'll be delivering this package to space Italy space Italy or the robot planet or Dr Zoidberg Preposterous you delivering that package Bender up all those steps no C I'll just Chuck it in Trevy fountain for good luck I tell you this planet Express company is a real two big operation eh more like three Michelangelo's David so lifelike I just can't understand how it doesn't fall down Bender give us a little privacy we think we're real couldn't our universe also be a simulation oh yeah come that's travel outward gradually at a fixed speed like the speed of light in our universe right my last $5 on cup number one in fact make it my last $10 so your programming shortcut is like quantum mechanics in our world exactly like that imagine how awful it would be to find out your whole personality was just simulated like Benders you just ruined my life my big fat fake life ow I'm bleeding show off dear dear binda it's time to shut it down but you you can't just turn them off that would be like turning me off the plug is stuck or maybe I'm just extraordinarily weak that is a possibility My First Leap missed by a mile so I leapt again but I never stopped screaming for a second and I'll turn on the TV to drown out any distracting noises that orange guy sure is dumb these innocent bit bags may be artificial Professor I think Bender might be right no you don't now the feet forget the feet here you go hun keep the change toots I barely make any effort to keep myself alive professor and you'll never let them know they're not real I really don't think there's any possible Eureka Sunday afternoon when suddenly it hit me a new source of electricity the main new New York sewer line runs directly under Planet Express free clean power clean oh my no a simulation within a simulation where does it all end hopefully there what if our laws of physics are just the computer code of some big brilliant Professor playing gotam yes oh nothing I just had a lugy in my throat it appears two black holes just collided in there can you imagine how complex FX that computation is double doubt it if our universe is a simulation then it's running on some kind of computer right probably stuff would pixelate and look weird the laws of physics would fail what if we intentionally caused a magnetar to collapse then we could just watch and see if the universe glitches out let's put it to a vault who here wants to test if we're living in a simulation my half B software absolutely will not be able to simulate a collapsing magnetar there'll be no hiding the truth when they see that magnetar glitching out like a big flaming ball of Microsoft Word since you're basically just software in a greasy wad of aluminum foil no he'd be pushed through to the sub simulation and that Bender it's Benders all the way down I don't want to live in a world where I'm less real than everyone else those are my people in there in baloney town or you might die goodbye precious friends and co-workers I'll get AO be safe at this distance even if God forbid we're real then it's time to put reality to the test begin monopole bombardment probably a bad clam I think I'm going to reboot guys I have something to tell you and it'll be the hardest bad news I've ever had the pleasure of delivering I'm sorry buddy I know you can't hear me but we tried our best at least you got to go out with dignity how did you possibly manage to come back don't be rude Professor Bender was speaking first I made the change you suggested Bender although it took a lot of toilet time they'll never notice any difference but while they live out 1 second of their lives oh I can't take it anymore they've been at it for hours sorry I missed a few lectures uh what subject is this ancient Egyptian Algebra I think it's time you learned a lesson about light speed brand briefs oh what a weird dream telling me they broadcast commercials into people's dreams of course that's awful it's like brainwashing didn't you have ads in the 20th century well sure but not in our dreams I mean we all had commercials in our dreams but you don't see us running off to buy brand name merchandise at low low prices just need to draw attention away from the eye area care to sample the latest fragrance from Kelvin clone no thanks can I try these on before I buy them but you can try on the demo pair great new sweater new what sweater I came in with it I don't know you people do you take Visa Visa hasn't existed for 500 years American Express 600 years wait don't seem to have your retina scan your fingerprint or your colonic map on file yeah well I did open the account over a thousand years ago you had a balance of 93 all right and at an average of 2 and 1/4% interest over a period of 1,000 years $4.3 billion sa [Music] FR m Pizza dinner on me all right just keep the tab under $50 million invalent selection yo what are you talking about anchovies you know those little headless fish the anchovy has been extinct since the 2200s they were all salty and oily and they melted in your mouth stop stop I admit it my people ate them all I may be rich but I still can't buy back all the things I missed from the 20th century huh so what do you think the floors are made of such hardwood hey get a load of this pathetic 20th century TV on a TV like this I bet you couldn't even make out my obscene tattoo that's cute now our final item this unopened can of angry Norwegian brand anchovies Circa 1997 30 no 40 50,000 are you crazy 75,000 100,000 300,000 500 oh mercy me a million two six 50 million well boys your old mother knows when she's been beat sold to the gentleman who bought every item in today's auction do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven you haven't been to work in 3 days what have you been doing I've been sitting right here you can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends it's things I'm a thing just leave me alone Walt cream soda right away mother Larry get your mother a cream soda it's those damn Dan chovies that dirt bag fry must know their secret and I won't rest until I get my hands on them as you boys know one of the cornerstones of my Empire is Mom's old-fashioned robot oil think of it what does this have to do with the anchovies a single drop of the anchovy's natural oil would lubricate 10 robots permanently if anyone ever got hold of anchovy DNA they could chop out the oil making Gene cheap effective robot oil we have only one option we'll have to bankrupt Mr Fry so he'll be forced to sell the anchovies to us do you still remember your PIN number sure it's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where you to work get his pin number you idiots it's those three plumbers you called for we're here to tighten your drains wake up Mr Fry wasn't I in the future no you only dreamed you were in the year 3000 so I'm really back I think I hear a customer coming okay but I'm only doing this so people will take my head seriously as an actress well here's contemporary actress Pamela Anderson you're Pamela Anderson cool what can I get you oh I'll have a cheese pizza that was quick so what do I owe you 1077 same as my PIN number you don't get to laugh thanks a billion oh I had a nightmare I was in the year 2000 and you guys never existed goodbye hey hey buddy what year is this uh 3000 what are you doing with my stuff uh track bounced we're taking it all back your fries relative do you have any idea how we got so crazy Leela Bender I missed you so much you did what happened I was robbed they got everything except these maybe I could help out a sweet young man by buying his anchovies sorry but the anchovies aren't for sale what these anchovies are going on a pizza so I can share the food I love with the people I like you're going to eat them oh too get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted h no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you there aren't anymore and there never will be

Channel: SkyFortress

Views: 19,782

Keywords:

Id: Gv7eNyzbURo

Length: 17min 35sec (1055 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 09 2024