(mellow music) - Hey, everyone. Welcome back. Today I am doing a video
all about friendships. I love this topic because did you know that friendships are like the least studied relationship out of everything? Like, romantic relationships are studied, family dynamics are studied, but the friendship category
doesn't really get much love. And these relationships
are very important. They can feel just as
intimate and passionate as a romantic relationship. It has the potential to be
very confusing at times. But either way, I have
gathered some of your questions that you guys asked me on my Instagram. So we're gonna be doing a little Q&A. But before we get into that, I want to thank our sponsor
for this video, BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp, for
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simple and easy and free to change therapists if needed. They really wanna make sure that you have a good therapeutic match. Right now, they're having a offer for 10% off your first month. Just go to my link betterhelp.com/jenn. That's better H-E-L-P. I will leave that link
in the description box. So please pop that open. And with that said,
let's get into the video. What are three things
you look for in a friend? So the first quality I
look for in a best friend is probably openness. I really appreciate when
someone is just very open-minded to different beliefs, lifestyles, is open to changing their mind. I'm also referring to an
openness with their feelings, their knowledge, their vulnerability. I mean, a friendship
truly is a two-way street and if you're not open with me and you're still feeling guarded, it's really difficult to get deep. I feel like with best friends, I love when any topic
is up for discussion. The second quality that I love in a friend is someone who can make you feel heard, someone who has mastered the
skill of active listening. Honestly, deep listeners are becoming genuinely harder and
harder to find these days. So when you run into one,
it's actually so refreshing. Active listening is someone who engages in your conversation, pries a little bit deeper, asks questions, doesn't immediately try
to fix or give advice. And the last quality that
I look for in a best friend is someone that prioritizes growth. And this growth can come in so many ways. It could be a growth in
self-development, spirituality. It could be anything. I think I just genuinely
enjoy seeing my friends evolve because, ultimately, my friends have the biggest influence
on me, hands down. It could be like, you know,
an influencer telling me that this is good. But if my friend says something is good, I will 100% buy that. So I wanna make sure that
my best friends around me are inspiring me at some capacity. It doesn't need to be like, "Oh, I wanna get motivated all the time." But just in general, it's nice
to see growth and evolution with the people that
you're surrounded with because it inspires me to do the same. Do you have a best friend or
just a group of close friends? Man, this question will
always pop out to me because I feel like we
have been brainwashed to think that we need that
one singular best friend that you just crown the
title of best friend and then you guys are
just best friends forever. Life, unfortunately, isn't
like that, at least for me. And it truly is the worst feeling when you say someone's your best friend and it's just not reciprocated. Yeah, that happened to
me in middle school. Totally soul crushing. I feel like the hack to best friends is realizing that you can
have multiple best friends. It's not like you have a finite
amount of best friend titles and that you can only,
you know, give three and then you run out. There is no limit. The limit does not exist. And I feel very lucky to
have multiple best friends because my best friends
come through for me in different ways. There is no hierarchy whatsoever. I've got a best friend that I can call up and she'll knock some sense into me. I've got a best friend that we can talk about
philosophy and changes in tech. I've got mom best friends now. I've got a huge range. I don't know, I feel
like I'm just very fluid with my friendships, especially because I have such
a structured, committed role with my husband because that's like, you
know, we're our number ones. But with my best friends,
it's always fluctuating. It's very fluid. How do you navigate ebbs and
flows of a close relationship? I think it was my therapist who said this, but she said that every
friendship has its seasons. Sometimes it's spring and summer and you guys are super connected, you guys are constantly talking and doing all these things together, but sometimes it's fall and winter and you guys are just more
busy and disconnected. I don't know, I think
with my best friends, I just see things more
in like a long-term way when I know, you know, we're
just having our seasons and I just kind of give
it time to breathe. I feel like if there is nothing
that significantly happened, like if there was not like an
event where there was tension and you guys fought, then chances are, you know,
it's just fall and winter. It's nothing personal. I also think that this is the moment when you should reach out and initiate. That's what's going to help you
get out of the winter season and back into the spring. I think this is also when it's good when you've got multiple best friends because if someone is busy, you just call someone else, you know? That's it. And then when they're back again, you're like, "Hey, what's up?" You know, it's not personal. As you get older, you realize people just
have their own lives, especially when people
start having families and they're changing their
careers or they move. In the end, life is just
always gonna change. Do you think you need a
formal breakup conversation when it comes to female friendships? Again, I feel like it really
depends on the situation. Like if shit really hit the
fan and something happened and you realize like, "Damn, I cannot be
friends with this person," I feel like that friendship
breakup conversation is totally warranted. If it's a situation where
you guys are just hanging out and you guys are friends but gradually with each hang, you realize like, "We're
just not very compatible," then I feel like a slow
fade out is very acceptable. Some of you guys might be
shaking your heads being like, "Jenn, you just need to be honest. You gotta have that talk." You do that. That is your life. But for me, I like the gradual fade. I am not trying to add more
difficult conversations into my life when I don't have to. Generally with friendships,
people could read the room. Like if you realize like, hey, this person is just
not as urgently responding like they used to, or they're always kind of busy, then it just gradually fades. And sometimes time will pass and then we're ready to be friends again. How do you rekindle a friendship? This is very easy. You just hit them up. Friendships are weird in the sense that this is like the only relationship where you can see this
person like every single day and then something happens, like they move or someone gets a new job, and then you don't see each
other for like six years. And then one day you guys
see each other at a bar and you're like, "Oh my
God, let's hang out again," and you guys just pick up things like nothing has ever happened. That's cool. I like that about friendships. One line that I recently used on a friend that I hadn't talked to in six years, I just texted her being like, "Hey, is this still your number? It's Jenn. I walked by that bar that we met at and you came up in my mind. How are you doing?" Then once I got her response, I was like, "Hey, what's your schedule looking like this week? If not, what's it like this month?" And then we just locked in a day and literally, we had dinner and it's like nothing ever happened. How cool is that? This is like the only
relationship in our lives where we can just do that. Like, you can't do that
with your boyfriend. You can't do that with
your family, nothing. So I think that was pretty cool. I think it's just a matter of just putting yourself out there and not being afraid of
being the one to initiate. People are really busy. And in these days, more than ever, I feel like people are very passive. I feel like if you're the one
who constantly reaches out, we are a rare breed and things
will not happen without us. Like, if anything, take it with
like a cool badge of honor, being like, "I'm the one
that makes shit happen." Now that I'm in my 30s, my friendships look a
little bit different, but I feel like the key
element is consistency. There's gotta be some consistency. I've gotta see you at least once a month. If not, like at least one FaceTime chat, or else I just think that
we're in like a winter in our friendship. And then again, I don't
take it personally either because, ultimately, nothing is about you. Everyone is just living their own life. So if someone, if you're having a winter with one of your friends, just so be it. You don't scream out
the window being like, "Damn it, it's snowing." You just accept it and you just (censored) move on. That's it. And pretty soon spring will
start popping up again. Either way, I feel like friendship is really about consistency and showing up when you can. Ooh, before you leave, please leave some values that
you want in your best friend in the comments down below. I love reading those, truly. All right, I'll talk to
you guys in the next one. Bye. (mellow music) (no audio)
