FREE Yourself From NEGATIVE THOUGHTS & Start Living LIFE TODAY | Marisa Peer & Lewis Howes

you need to talk to yourself that is the most important conversation you'll ever have your minds job is to keep you alive on the planet it doesn't actually care if you're happy welcome back everyone of the school of greatness podcast super excited about our guest Marissa Pierre is in the house I'm so glad you're here one of our top guests of all time we had you want moves at a year ago or year and a half year and a half you're gonna have to go he had you on I didn't know we know who you were at the time someone had to email me a few different times or months and said you got to check out Marissa and I was like who is this therapist from the UK with an interesting accent but then I watched a video of yours online and I was like I really like your approach in your style so we had you on and it took off in the audio the video and we really helped heal a lot of people so and we had you speak at some of the great little slides here you were top speakers it's been an amazing time so very grateful that you're back and I think people could use your wisdom and your healing ways more than ever right now because I think a lot of people's thoughts are sick and and they don't know how to change their thoughts heal their thoughts you know if we're so focused on negative thoughts how do we even get to the place of stopping those thoughts and starting to heal from years or decades of thinking negatively and I guess that's a great question because most people don't even get there you have to understand thoughts are things when you think a thought you have an immediate reaction that's why if you think about eating your stomach rumbles you think about cynics you get aroused we will say I didn't believe that so what do you think an erection is you think a thought you get a physical reaction that's not a one-off if you think a thought a thought has a physical reaction in your body immediately and an emotional response if I think I'm embarrassed I might blush if you say something moving my eyes might fill up with tears because my body is reacting to thoughts and if you could all be taught that early on you react to thoughts that's the fact here's another great fact you can change your thoughts anytime you like and if you change your thinking it changes your entire life so for instance we're all saying I'm stuck at home I get it I'm safe at home mmm stuck safe you change one little word it changes everything so let me say I'm trapped I'm gonna locked and you know we're not actually trapped they're not sealing up the doors like they did in the plague and the plague they sealed your doors and you couldn't physically get out but we are asked to stay indoors we still go out for walks we go out to the store we go to the pharmacy we're not stuck we're not locked in we're not trapped we're not in prison it's not an apocalypse it's not Armageddon but if you start to use those words it begins to feel exactly as if it is that case then it's really important that you change your words and I learned that when I was helping a hospital who had people who couldn't go in the scanning machine and they'd all say things like well I feel like I'm in a coffin you know when I get in that scanner and I can't move I'm so trapped I'm like look come on you lie in bed for eight hours every night and don't move why don't you just say I'm in my bed I'm super chilled and I feel so relaxed what will happen is your mind will react to your thinking and so I had many people do that and I was teaching nurses how to get people to do that especially little kids of six going into this game and they say do we send they're in their bed they actually fall asleep in there and we say we're gonna play again now step choose how long can you keep skills still four so when I actually a few years ago was in a scanner which I didn't ever plan to be and I thought with this let me play a game really and then I went I'm in my bed I'm so chilled this is so great I've got half an hour to just lie here and then I decided to go I'm in my coffin now and they start to talk to the camera see you're moving all the time I had no idea because I was saying I'm stuck I'm trapped I'm claustrophobic my body was like get out and it starts to do things to make you want to leave and so if you just understand um how you are everything changes so our ancestral brain is like flee fight freeze I can fight I can flee I can free so I'm in a scanner and it's like well I need to flee this I need to fight it and I'm like no if you can't fight and you can't flee don't freeze flow mmm I can't fight I can't believe it I can flow I mean now soon Mandela spent 27 years in solitary come on we can't even do three weeks but they're like hell it's a nightmare I'm cooped up my kids are driving me mad I want to get a divorce I can't stand it but he did 27 years you know how he did it because he said everyone in my country is in prison I'm just in a different prison to them if they can do it I can do it and I'm gonna come out here the leader of my country and you did so you know we we have this belief that events affect us they don't the meaning you attach to an event affects you the interpretation you choose upon an event is what affects you so I'm looking I love it right you know so much time I'm having the best macoco I hate it I can't stand there I'm climbing the walls I'm going cray and ripping my hair none of which we're not actually ripping out I here or climbing the walls or going insane you shouldn't use that but clearly it must be the interpretation because we're all reacting differently so if this won't affect you but what you make of it will and it's your job to change the interpretation and if you can change the interpretation it will change your entire life how do we change the interpretation to go from your fight freeze to flow well you first we think what does this mean what does this mean you know I've had a couple of clients who went to jail and the director of intra one of them was a very rich woman who went to jail for tax evasion and she said actually she ended up really liking it she little but she was typical rich had a beautiful house lots of stars she didn't really go anywhere everyone did everything for her she'd really have any friend she had the ladies who lunch and when she was there she trained to be an aerobic teacher she trained to be a yoga teacher nothing else to do she really bonded with the other women and when she got out she went back every week to visit them because she said you know it was different in there it's like girls boarding school I didn't realize I was isolated at home and more connected in jail which is an interesting way to think about it and people who often people who've been in jail or been trapped in their house when in a lockdown so Isaac Newton I believe in 1665 he developed the theory of gravity while London was locked down because of the plague Seon in their house and so you used that time so I guess you have to think well you know I can't change this but I can change what it means one day I look back and go well actually it was all the good stuff what can I do about it mean we all go I just haven't got enough time I love more time if only I had time to myself well here it is what could you do or learn or achieve and I'm not saying it's easy because I'm also safe at home and I really miss going out and meeting people but I'm also doing things I've wanted to do for years that I couldn't do because of time so silly things like cook with your kids and make that a math lesson how much does that weigh how much vitamin C is in the skin of a potato do the laundry you know why do you think detergents are called biological you can make it interesting you just have to really decide okay what does this mean to me and can I change the meaning of when I can change the meaning it will change my life because the meaning is yours to change any interpretation as you'll have to choose but the fastest way to look at words am I saying apocalypse Armageddon trapped stuck someone said to me they've they've taken away my freedom who the government government forces have taken away my freedom maybe but how about they want me to live they want me to be say the government has put this in place to keep me safe so I'm safe at home or they've taken away my freedom mmm why I'm looking at your words first why is that so important because the way you feel about everything is down to two things the pictures you make in your head and the words the way you feel about everything every minute of every day is I only down to two things the pictures you make in your head and the words you say but you could make but even simpler and say forget about the pic just because the words make the picture you know beloved I I'm not visual and I can't see stuff but if I said you Lewis think of anything that you may not think of an orange snowman especially one who's snow is the same color as the kara in his nose you got to think of an orange snowman and so when you hear words they meet pictures when you say don't think about blushing don't think about falling you know I paddleboard every day and I notice if you go go I'm wobbling here and I'm gonna fall I've never ever ever fallen off because I don't think about falling I think about violence and how much I like it but when you say a word you make a picture and even the words you use in front of words make a picture you can say this is driving me crazy I'm going insane there's a picture or you can see it's a challenge it's interesting it's an opportunity because they don't make a picture so when you say I've got this cracking headache oh my god it's killing me I'm in agony my head is killing swelling it's yeah or you say like a little nickel here nickel not great but so what when you say I'm starving that's what people do I mean ask I'm starving I could eat a horse I'm dying of hunger see what you're doing which most people don't know is that 500 years ago the thing that killed us more than anything else was not disease and it wasn't war it was hunger hmm and we were wired to be scared of hunger so when you say jabari I'm starving I'm dying of hunger I could eat a horse your mind goes oh that's that dangerous if it could kill you you have an asset here that regulates what you eat but if you say you're starving I'll put that on hold so you can eat standing over the fridge and eat so much stuff and then when you be can you still feel hungry because you just told me you were starving so you're saying that the using the words I'm starving or I'm okay I don't get food whatever you say is one of manifesting them and you just have to think how could I change am i really starving I don't think I've ever been starving and I've been hungry but I have never been starving could I really eat a horse no not even a horse is lack of course you couldn't am I really dying of hunger that takes at least 12 days probably even longer so then you think why would I lie to myself and remove myself how about saying the truth I need to eat I'm ready to eat and you see what happens is maybe you're driving home or maybe you're on the train station and you say I'm starving now your monkish there's a pickup machine right that you should eat three of those and maybe some jelly beans and taco chips as well cuz you're starving and I'm your mind and my job is to keep you alive and you just said you're starving because your minds job is to listen to your words and your job and it's a great job is to tell it better stuff so then they said you go you know I am hungry I need to eat but I've got some chicken in my house I've got some vegetables I've got a casserole I cooked it yesterday I can wait an hour and eat better food and we all have to say that I am hungry but I'm choosing to wait 30 minutes for better food you know it's the same thing in a restaurant when I go to restaurants I'm not hungry the minute I sit down there being that bed breadbox I think oh oh I need that and I could have eaten all of those at one time until I learnt to say I'm choosing to wait half an hour to eat this really nice food I've ordered but you have to talk to yourself you know we're all taught if you can talk to your customers you have a great business if you can talk to your kids you be a great pair but no one says but you need to talk to your son off that is the most important conversation you'll ever have the one you have with yourself this relationship is killing me this kid is killing me I'm dying under my workload this freeway makes me want to die this is not true why don't you say the truth that the this community Roger is a Challenger I've got all these audio books isn't I've got some snacks in my car I'm prepared for the challenge rather than it's killing me so what happens when we say this is killing me over and over again what happened how do we manifest that yes if you say that your mind your minds job is to keep you alive on the planet it doesn't actually care if you're happy you don't think my mind's jobs made me happy no it's not it's to make you live long enough to reproduce yourself and actually that takes the first 30 I got another 70 laughs so our minds job is all confusing to our mind but you know we are ancestral people in very modern bodies and when you say my job is killing me it goes don't go to that place called job mmm and if you keep going to that place called job and keep saying it's killing you I'll just give you a nice ulcer a keep you at home now I'll make you circle make you a disease and and we see that people say oh I need a week in bed and then they get flu neither but they weekend better I need to get out of that meeting and now they get chronic diarrhea so it happens all the time anyway and because your mind is designed to keep you alive and so if you say you hate so I will so you know this guy oh he ripped out my heart stamped all over and threw it in the trash really I think he got bored with you darling and you know what if he stuck around you Hollywood have got bored with him he was just just start a relationship he taught you a lot and you learned a lot and everything he loves you but he didn't take it when he packed his wash bag and left he didn't put any all the things that made him like you they're still in you he couldn't take them home and everything he liked in you is still there and you can find a way better person that loves you more but when you say to your mind he ripped out my heart stamped all over it he killed me the mind goes you know what don't have another relationship stay single I'm a [ __ ] in the world I'll make you the colas cold-hearted guy because you keep saying if I meet another person that leaves me I'll die if I meet another person that hurts me I couldn't take the pain you know those songs I haven't got time for the pain I can't live without you when you say to your mind it'll kill me if another guy dumps me or girl I'll die if I get rejected if I have another miscarriage it will just be the end of the world for me you've told your mind I couldn't cope with that event and your minds job is okay my job is to make sure you never have to experience that event ever ever ever again so I'm gonna make you obese unattractive all these things you know I worked with someone it was so fascinating this girl had hypersensitivity to light so bad that she couldn't go out in normal daylight when I talked to her she said you know when I was 11 I got really really badly bullied and I said to my mom can I stay home and she's like no I'm a single hair and of course you can't stay home I gotta go to work and I hate my job and you have to go to school and deal with it just but mom I don't I need to stay home no when she got hyper light sensitivity what you think happened yeah she had to stay home every day her mind believed that staying home was what she wanted and was really seductive and we have to be so careful when we say I want to be at home I don't want to go into the world and deal with that it's too much for me and recently I was teaching because I teach our tea tea all over the world and I was teaching my course and and I heard the story I just trained a graduate and I'm so proud of it because she said you know my first client was an hour exit girl and when I talk to her using our TT I said what because we always say the same thing what was going on when you first began to have this it's cool what I call what lies beneath and she said um well I was 11 years old no for my dad studying he was looking at porn and he was panting like a dog and I remember standing at the door thinking oh I never want anyone to look at me the way he's looking at that girl I would die if a man looked at me the way my dad is looking at that girl now that's an actually a command to the mind do anything and everything to make sure no man ever looks at me the way he's looking at her and that's when she became anorexic when you're anorexic the ovaries don't develop you don't do it if you don't get breasts you lose your hair but what was even more interesting is a girl in the audience at that so bizarre because I'm bulimic and my dad used to I used to drop me off when they divorced you go to look at your mom look at her in those Tigers who does she think she is she just looks like a trans and I thought I never want my husband to ever talk about me like that and I'm so fat he would never talk about me like that so same almost the same scenario the same request of the mind I couldn't cope if anyone spoke about me like that and one became anorexic and one became obese because the mind took the command do anything and everything to make sure no one ever looks at me like that protectors and it doesn't have a set thing but um what is interesting is we in our titi have something called role function purpose so we say to people this headache had a role what would it be if you're irritable bowel had a role if these panic attacks had a purpose and they'd come up with the most profound stuff but it's only ever three things in 30 years it's always the same three the panic attacks protect me you know my dad wanted me to be a family lawyer like him but when I got panic attacks it so you could never do that no you can't how could you ever be in court with panic attacks so they protected me from this expectation mm-hmm I knew I could never need the second thing is they punished me you think why would my mind punish me but when I talked to all the gay yeah you know I had an affair with my friend's boyfriend and I it because so many problems are now I've got colitis I've got autoimmune which means the body is attacking itself when I was 15 I stole money from my mom's purse and they never told about ever since I have this chronic irritable bowel these terrible headaches I blush all the time you know years ago we used to go to do penance we were used to wear hair shirts but if you have guilt your minds job is to become judge juror a jailer let me punish you so punishing ourselves is is huge a lot of people do they don't even know why and the third thing is to get attention hmm you've all seen his lying on the floor in the store screaming because they want attention that was me getting sick because they want attention you know many many children who can't get if you can't get the love of your parents or the very next best thing is to be sick it's almost as we have to pay attention oh I didn't think my mother loved me she's driving all over time buying this gluten-free flour getting this special cream doing something and for the many kids being sick is like oh I didn't think I mattered but clearly I do now you've got all this special stuff in the house yeah and those children tend to become life's type of contracts and my mother in England in the war they evacuated children each of all the children of the cities put them on trains sent to the country and people had to take you in there no choice and some of them had a great time something had an awful time but my mum didn't like it and she stopped eating she's got covered in boils she was really sick she was the only one who was allowed to go home early and she never ever her whole life gave up being sick I support her really it met all her needs she got so much attention she only person I know I'd go see her in the hospital she woke up in bed and she was all the doctors are very worried about me you know he thinks it's really serious and and she would speak with such a sparkle in her eyes and she was so happy she loved being in hospital and I'm in my little girls into one day grandma what all these pills would you go well back to my legs that's my headaches that's my irritable well that's for my allergies that's my foot yeah but grandma how do i or know where to go that's a great story yeah and my little girl came back from my mother's when she look mommy I've got my tension headache I'm like no darling you're five we don't have attention that's a grandma thing yeah but one weekend with my mother and she got oh I've got a tension headache oh this is all going to go wrong oh that's giving me a stomachache because children learn what they live woman my mom was the lovely lovely woman but she was so invested in being ill and you know weakened in a company by osmosis my little girl picked all of that up and then she said to me one day you know favor is very active I think you need to put her on Ritalin I'm like she's a child mom your mom yeah I Drive because she's like a puppy there is called being age appropriately run the energy touch stuff why would I drug her but um you know my mother learned and we did something in our titi which I love and it's called foreplay we talked about that a lot too but and foreplay you know I I created this I'm quite proud of it because it's so interesting it says that if you feel loved by your parents if you're not sure they love you and care it there's only four things that you can do you're not loved if you don't feel well not feel you don't feel that you know but you don't feel loved if you don't feel significant see children have needs and they're very simple needs I need to feel loved I need to feel significant I need to feel protected and I need to feel I matter I need to feel safe that's really their needs it is the four things fine I need to love significant protected safe matter protected and safer kind of the same so it could be four mm-hmm pretty much that's a child's needs and if these needs are not met for whatever reason then they have no choice but to do one of four things the first is to get sick being sick it is so powerful for a child suddenly they do feel love they do feel significant they do feel a matter they they might feel safe because the doctor or nurse is a very kind to them the second one is to be brilliant doesn't matter what the kids who become outstanding athletes grade a student's is it all the attention because they say they feel validated my my parents are really privacy look at my son look at his report role you know my daughter the track star and suddenly they do feel significant they do feel they matter they mean more to me yeah but they can never get that up and they become adults who will always still having be the best that was me the sick kids are the adult hypochondriacs the third way and got a therapist so I can say that was me as the carer they go you know life isn't fair I'm not getting love and attention I know why don't I give it I'll be a nurse and the statistics of nurses who come from that need to give all they haven't got is really high that's why it's a calling as much as a profession so the next role is the carer I'll go out and I'll put other people and I'll be a nurse or be a doctor IV account is Serapis and they give so much but they don't receive and to the care by giving what they didn't get so what am i clients are saying her mother was a very high-powered executive but she drank all the time secretly and she had enough time that this daughter except when she drunk too much and then she'd be the one that would hide the bottles clean up the house make us some soup or maybe run to the store and get her more alcohol I'll go find the way she didn't the garage for dad came home and she only felt needed when she was looking after an alcoholic mother and she also became a high-flying executive attorney of a dated alcoholics because she was playing the only part she'll ever known if I nurse an alcoholic I feel useful I feel wanted it's the next best thing to being loved is to be wanted mm-hmm and a third fourth way which is really interesting is to be the rebellious difficult one and that usually happens and all the other roles of God my sister's sick my dad's brilliant my brother's perfect caring so I'm gonna take my spoon of bring it on the table and I'm still doing it 40 years later because I got to get power off these people so I'm gonna be the difficult kid I can't be the best in the family and if I can't be the most brilliant like to find some other well yeah maybe the most giving and loving I want to be the rebellious one and if you look at dynasties like the Canada C dynasty the guiness dynasty if you look at maybe Michael Douglas's sons one was just like him one was a drug addict and died whenever you look at that used to be much easier when you had families of the four kids or three kids but you can actually see it I see it all the time playing out you can see in the royal family in our English drop out you can see who's the good brilliant one who's the ill one who's the rebel who's the caring one and even if there's only two kids sometimes mum and dad take that role so I was in Costa Rica this guy came up the beat and said you know I've always wanted to meet you either because he said I'm a terrible addict I've done everything I mean he said I went into rehab came out got run over by a bus because I went straight from rehab to the pub he said my parents have sent me into rehab so many times my wife's I mean I've got two children but I can't stop being an addict what's wrong no sir I don't know tell me about your life and he said I've got an older brother he's brilliant and then I mean then I've got twin brothers I don't that's it just like I passed it because when you're a little kid and he was Iranian too which is really interesting nothing wrong with that of course but in that culture the older brother was the firstborn son that road never be taken away from him parents are those doctors as a parents of brilliant and carers they've got the role now we've got the firstborn son who's also brilliant now you've got this one and that's okay because he's the baby that's cool but then they have twin boys after him who totally smashed his role out because there forever and they were premature so they were the sick one attention very much attention so much care monitors in the car checking if they throw up feeding every hour all night long being weighed so the other thing the mum dad and brother never lost their role but he lost his role he wasn't the baby brother anymore and there's two more and they're sick so his only role was to be the difficult rebellious one and the minute I told him that he never ever used again just stopped the games he was able to say oh yeah of course I I had no choice but to take on that role and I say well you know we play the only part we've ever known and then you make that part your I know you go you know what I think it's time for a new part I'm a father with an amazing wife and two children mmm I don't need to do this but just looking at oh okay what was my mom what was my dad what was my sister was my brother was a mess additive but suddenly I have great compassion because she was just trying to get noticed like I was a mystical brilliant Wow so we can start to have compassion or we can play these fools we ship this roles as children if we start to come aware in your very little because there's a little charge you have what I call unmet needs and when a child has unmet needs something very interesting happens they believe this need will never get met they have what I called tagging so-and-so it happens to a child they form a tag it will always be like this it will be like this for the rest of my life and I can never change they see often see children when the parents are violent or abusive or desperately poor and when the parents don't meet the child's needs in a violent or cold or just absent because they're working all the time the kid never stops loving the parent they stop loving themselves they immediately go into this my mom isn't here she doesn't love me my dad's not here I'm not lovable enough I don't have what other kids have it will always be like that and that's the biggest problem the tagging is that we go into our adult life with the same belief when we see many people who have everything but there's still that chart oh you wouldn't love me if I didn't have this I'm just faking all of this it's not really it's not me because we play the only part we've ever known and you know I was teaching recently at a hospital in London and all the doctors has Wow every person coming on stage to work with you they all have unmet needs it's always the needs of a child we're not met and now they've got vitiligo or input tag or a chronic stutter or a nervous twitch because their body's like I'm gonna get this need in there you want attention you want to feel significant you wanna feel you matter well being sick is a great thing all these brilliant or be rebellious or be good but it's it's saying okay okay I can see I did that like you said straight away so you're part yeah my brother was brilliant in my house my sister was gorgeous men chanting and clever and I just thought like this freak in the middle so I became the camera yeah I would always clean the house my mom and be so good and my dad doesn't care he was an amazing head teacher or principal but then as you get old you just think right let me look at this my mom was there okay but I don't have to do that anymore I don't have to do that now so it's just making it consciousness yeah being aware yeah I like another client on math and he said you know I had a heart attack wakeboarding and I've got a wife and kids and my wife is just gonna leave me by that he's I love extreme sports I helis go do everything the more dangerous the better and his story was his brother was really sick he was born then the baby brother was really sick and they had have a sterilized half that was already brother don't bring that your brother and he said I used to jump over and bikes on my skateboard or go over bikes and the only time I got attention as if I hurt myself if I came in covered in mud like oh my god your brother germs but they would patch me up the you okay and and he was nice to go out it's wild kid like doing crazy things but I didn't realize I only got attention by hurting myself so the minute he saw me that was a game changer I'll never ever go I don't need to Hallie's ski I'm all done with that but you have to see it to fix it you know most of us don't really look at who I don't look at that you have to look at your life and go okay okay what was going on when I began to do that what was happening in my life and sometimes you'll get it sometimes you won't even if you don't just think but it's not me now one of the most powerful things we do in our TT it's get more to say it's not me I make people say it's not me because that is not me anymore because it will never be be me ever again for the rest of my life it cannot be me and you know and I do huge order terms I have the whole room say that's not me ever again for the rest of my long gorgeous life because but then I make them justify scream that out well well I'm not seven I don't live with a dad who says eat everything on your plate and you're not getting down until you've finished even that can do a bit of fish I don't live in that world I have in order to say [ __ ] you I'm not doing that and when I was talking to a client one day about that she said you know I eat everything on my plate and I said so we went back to the father who it was you know the tittles and it came out at every meal until it was finished she couldn't get any other food to feed his congealed disgusting fish including the skin and I said well imagine if you went to a Gordon Ramsay restaurant and he said you're not leaving to do that because all I had to say and eat it I'm like really what I would I'd be so scared of Gordon if he said eat it I'd have to eat it I'm like you play tape in your head mm-hmm you could go I don't want to I got hungry it's lovely thank you by the full adults can say no but children can't say no they have no power to say no how do we not mess up our kids they got two three four kids we're busy you're running around your marriage is the best you want to be possible you're going to mess you probably mean you know how can you know how do you best limitation the damage limitation is like you know I was a single parent I love being a parent I would said I could never ever have children the whole my whole RTT training was based on being told I couldn't have a baby deciding I would have one being told that I would lose that baby then being told the baby would have everything wrong with it when I had a perfectly well baby I thought there's something here and then I began to work with other people and couldn't conceive or couldn't carry over to full term and it was always the way they say so that Jesus had a certain way well who would come in and go I can't get pregnant I what's going on I don't know let's go back they go well when I was 14 I thought I was pregnant and what did you say when oh my god I said it's how my dad will kill me my mom won't kill herself this is a nightmare having a baby as the end of my life which goes back to your thoughts yeah and here you are now 35 your dad loves your husband your mom loves you and they're waiting for a baby they may be devout Muslims and you were taking some crazy white guy and they would have been devastated but now and they go yeah and then just I'm doing that and I'm picking it makes it work and so but with children no I digress then but I meant to say was I had a much wanted baby she was my miracle baby I loved her because I thought I'd never had one but of course I did so many things wrong I mean I always think you shouldn't wish for what you can't have if I could ever have one wish I could go back and do her whole charter again but better but you can't get that which you can only fix it but with her and with all children's but owning it mummy was very cranky today that was not about you as that mummy daddy lost it today I'm so sorry I shouldn't have shouted like that because life isn't a fairy story you know you're gonna have moments where things aren't you your day doesn't go well the most important thing with children is sitting around again darling I'm really sorry today I lost it today I was mean today I was unkind today I was not present with you and I know that's all you want is me to be present I wasn't present and if you apologize you do something magical they don't think it's their fault they understand it's you so they don't have to sit and think Oh mommy's always angry I guess she doesn't love me daddy's never here yes I'm not enough mommy's always fighting if I was enough she would be happy she's not happy it's my fault and then here comes the tag again it will always be like this I can't change this so let me fall one of these four walls yes yeah so the minute you go back and say I messed up today I'm really sorry they go okay because they understand life isn't perfect but it's when you don't do that that you force them to take one of the roles to believe their life will always go back to go through life gay nobody can meet my needs who's gonna love me my dad left when I was 2 who's gonna want me my own mom said I was a mistake who's gonna want me I was the fourth child who's supposed to be a boy I was a girl supposed to be a girl I was a boy and they always joke about what we only had you you know because we wanted a son but we got you that's great we love you but you were supposed to be a boy even when you say these things as a joke the child I mean that's what Diana did she knew her mother had three two girls and then her had to keep going until they had a boy and she was if I was supposed to be a boy she knew so owning only your sake don't joke about certain things because even if it seems like a silly joke to you when there are seven or ten or twelve and you hear you weren't supposed to be a boy you weren't supposed to be a girl or we once you were an accident yeah we didn't want to have more kids yeah and then we know you were a nightmare you nearly killed me you know I worked as somebody who had not collapsed see which is really interesting in a medication cost $18,000 a month and she didn't have a job and she was terrified that her Medicare would end and she couldn't get these meds I was so interesting if she said you know when I was little my mom used to tell me this story your brother was the devil child he was up all night it's like no he killed me it nearly killed me he was did a deluge you were the angel having you were such a good sleeper you slept all the time when she say people she's such a good sleep she's always asleep she's an angel her brother's the devil he nearly killed me now baby doesn't have a logic don't have a logic to Leah five only feeling and the baby's feeling is my brother is a devil he nearly killed her but I have an angel because I sleep oh I'm a good sleeper she loved what she lived she had narcolepsy because her mother told her without meaning to go to sleep well he's a devil and often parents do if they go this is a pretty one and this is the clever one this is my problem and a child oh this one is gonna be the death of me and they say it in a jokey way loving their child oh this one he's gonna kill me this one I'm gonna have a nightmare what can we be saying instead as opposed to you know subliminal joking you know whether it's from love yeah first of all you have to understand that every word you say to yourself as an imprint that your mind and body must act on whatever you say is an imprint hmm and your minds job is to go ahead and make that imprint real and if you're a child whatever you say is also an imprint I love you because you're beautiful is an imprint which reads says and if I wasn't you wouldn't I love you because you're smart you're a grade A student I love you it's like oh if I wasn't you wouldn't and so you have to say to kids I love you because you're you I love you I'll always love you I don't love your behavior by the way I don't love the fact that you just hit your brother or got and blackcurrant juice all over the carpet that's not good I'm really unhappy about that I don't I love you but I don't love your behavior and if you can bring your children up to separate your love for them from how they behave they feel safe and I think safe isn't it again is in you know say there's nothing my mommy would ever do they would stop her loving me and we know that him people who try and abduct children will often see her mommy doesn't want you you did something really bad what did you do and there was a very famous case in America you probably know it of this guy who drove up to the school stop the comment your mum's really ill in the hospital she sent me to get you should really really a good kid got in drove him away news that they don't want you anymore he did something really bad what did you do and he said I wrote on the character and that's right you wrote on the garage wall and that's why they don't want you and you know he never called home he had his phone number it was a movie this Elvis Costello played that horrible guy but this kid never called home and he was out with it for years until the guy came back to the trailer with another kid he'd taken a little girl and he was so freaked out and what was gonna happen to her that he never like took this or they went to the police station they tried to arrest him he's a teenager by then Wow think he'd live with this guy from 8 to 16 he went to school every day no way there's a true story he never called his parents and then when he told the police who he was and the parents has never changed their number I think he did tried to call once we didn't understand about the dialing code but you see pedophiles will tell you I sit in a park and I know which kid to go after it's the one who looks a bit sad a bit lost it they don't go off with one who's really confident and a lot of they go for the rebellious one because they never shut up and I'm one of my clients was telling me that her uncle she was one of four girls and he's to come to the house for Friday night dinner and go upstairs and he molested three them but not the fourth and the fourth of the red bush she just screamed the house down but he systematically systematically abused three of his nieces and much later they told the fathers or what do you want me to do he's my brother oh my gosh but they actually took him to court had an arrest he went to jail and they also why didn't you tell and you see what people are say to children is I know I see enough of them if you tell you when you're going to change it's your fault you see you've made me do this if you tell anyone we'll all be in so much our mummy will go to jail daddy will go to jail you're going to do I'll go to jail and the child doesn't have that logic and so if you have a charter you what's up going I love you and there's nothing you could tell what there's something loving you tell me you're gay I'll be at the wedding tell me you've stolen something well I will talk about that we'll go back and give the money back but there's nothing you could do that would ever make me not love you can come out and say mum this neighbor touched me a [ __ ] well that's not acceptable one of my clan said she told her mother her mother slapped her face when don't say that in this house no way some people do crazy things maybe in shock but a lot of people you know one of my earliest client it's only this really sad story she was the only Jewish girl in her area and I father told that all Jewish farmers have sex with their daughters soup insulation that's not true as well I thought it must be you told me that's what good Jewish girls do and it mean of course that Jewish fathers don't do that Jewish fathers are not a wonderful fathers but if your kid doesn't feel safe to come and tell you anything you know I've had as my daughter as a teenager the amount of kids in my house coming and going oh I think I'm pregnant I'm taking drugs I'm sleeping with this boy just to make him like me because they knew that I would never judge them I could tell me everything I said tell me everybody right here we act in an angry way sometimes I really wanted to I really wanted to but I remembered I said to when she was little you will never ever get in trouble I was telling the truth she's mummy I just got a green nail varnish all over your car I feel so relieved money because it's what I am cross but you told me that it's gonna have to suck up the greening polish I mean she didn't have a perfect childhood she got grounded she got punished when she got consequences but I always wanted to know I would never punish you for telling the truth ever and one day her school court said well she's gone missing with another girl they just didn't turn up in the afternoon and so I said well mommy my friend had to get the morning-after pill and how the heron's would be so angry so I went to the clinic with and said it was for me because I knew that he wouldn't be angry so we bunked off school when I said that I needed it cuz knew they called you you wouldn't punish me but if they called her parents her dad would have probably didn't know Wow so it's very important it's not easy but you have to and when they tell you the truth they will tell you stuff that they feel I come out the door I mean if you watch that movie that series if you watch sex education yes good that really goes on yeah it really goes on and but you got to let them tell you the truth and then not judge them mm-hmm you know they're my daughter coming home honey because mommy no my friend's brother was stealing all this stuff in a store and she knows his baseball hat until I felt so bad I said well that's your feelings telling you it's wrong you know your feelings the most real thing you have and if you feel bad when someone is sure if you feel bad when some guy says if you love me you'll have sex with me if you are 14 and you got 20 or a boy forgetting it it's gonna be great and it's all right and you have terrible feelings you understand you're not ready and you have to say to me I'm not ready and if he leaves you will he would have left you anyway so tell your kids the truth oh not your fault I lost it I was cranky I was irritable tell them whatever you do you know if you're in jail I'll be visiting you every go see to my daughter you ever went to jail I'll be visiting you every week because there's nothing you could do that would ever make me know you nothing suggest anything I'm still love you I'd be upset at what you did but I would still love you and that gives him the freedom to be honest with you yeah to know that you're not gonna throw them out of a house because they're pregnant kick them out because they do something bad and I one of my traders is this amazing Chinese guy and he was telling me under our training he said my dad made me leave the house when I was 11 I didn't get with my mother when did you go back here no I never went back they wouldn't have me bad as what do you mean you said well they kicked me out that's when she noticed I lived with actually a bunch of hookers they were very kind to me and pimps and he said and I drank a lot to survive and he said what was so interesting is people often say you're killing yourself with drink he said I had to be numb to get through that but then he said something I said they were Chinese you see and that's what Chinese go to I said no that's not that's likely do you think China will don't keep their children out of the house because they don't get on with them and let them never come back but he had justified it and made it okay it's not okay it's never okay what's the difference between feelings and thoughts well you could change your thoughts so feel it's a good question so a feeling is something you feel it's come from the body suddenly I've seen a snake and I think I've seen a ram I feel riposte item seeing a rat in my house not the fear I felt look a rat horrible I mean I could pick up a hamster I could pick up a little you know I could hold a buttered flower I could hold a ladybug because the picture is this is cute but I wouldn't hold a cockroach I'm done eating beetle I wouldn't call it a moth and so when you get a feeling you got a picture and you feel scared and the feeling is so instant that we think the feeling comes immediately so a feeling you have to talk this over out of a feeling thoughts they're also pretty instant but you changed them very quickly I'm going on a date I feel terrified no actually I don't I feel exciting I got a choice feel terrified feel like science did you know one of my clients was a very famous rock star and he had to pay someone to to push him on a stage so he'd get all ready super excited he's at Le bowl or the o2 he's got the guitar it's just about to go and you think oh my god I can't do this because he's got the feeling of absolute fear and so out comes a guy whose job it is to know and he begins to do there and then he was great but that feeling would have overwhelmed if they hadn't decided I'm just gonna feel the feeling and carry on so you know feelings we think we're a victim of our feelings we're not you can you can choose to interpret a feeling and thoughts you you have to make sense of them but here's an interesting rule your thoughts control your feelings your feelings control your actions and your actions control your room so you could say your thoughts dictate your feelings your feelings dictate your actions and your actions dictate your event so that actually says a thought comes first even before the feeling mm-hmm a thought comes first and then comes the feeling and then comes the action so all the laws go back to change your thoughts we try so I'm going to change this I feel so sad I'm gonna change that I feel so lonely I feel so unhappy but actually if you change your thinking it will take care of the feeling you won't feel that way no it's like if you go and watch a roller coaster people - screaming you have are they screaming because they're terrified or happy who knows that you get to choose what you think about that it's a bit like you know I think I told you this story before about one of my clients who had breast cancer and his wife was so lucky because I didn't need a breast I need a leg and an arm and I didn't need that and sometimes are the strangest things that happen if you can look back and go oh well how I thought about that event affected me way more than the event mm-hmm it's always saying things yeah minimize so we're taught that we're we can't change our feelings our feelings come upon us and there's nothing we can do but we're taught that our thoughts well we maybe we can run those but it's not true you can change your feelings and your thoughts so if you change your thoughts you change your feelings if you change your feelings it doesn't change your thoughts hmm so let go but you know I'm really nervous so I'm gonna like jump up and down and take some deep breaths and breathe into a brown paper bag because I heard that was good and I'm doing all of that so I'm controlling the feelings what the thoughts come back so let's say you sit on I'm terrified of birds or dogs if I saw one I'd have a heart attack right a little bird landing on my table that unknown I don't even go to outside restaurants because a little bird that would kill me or or dogs I don't like I don't like cats see these are thoughts now if you tried to say to someone look but it's such a cute little dog it's such a sweet little bird it can't hurt you because the feelings are going on you believe that's not true but when you change the thoughts the feelings does go away completely which is why again people can have a little pet gerbil to be terrified of a mouse it's why you could eat lamb but not horse I mean I would never eat foal I wouldn't eat don't ya wouldn't eat pony I wouldn't eat baby elephant but I eat lamb I don't eat lamb very often but I'm not a vegan I was for a long time and a vegetarian it's a thinking so a vegan would go I could never anything with a face but the thought is there and then they would feel sick of anything with the face mm-hmm so if I had a big lump of meat in my hand now what would you think about that well if you're a vegan you think that's disgusting that was a living sentient creature if you're a Hindu you think that's so offensive that's the sacred and whatever your avoidable to go great protein if you're starving think protein try to syringe in my hand right now what is that well if you're having an tattoo is very exciting it's a way to get inked all over your arm if you're in immense pain that's fantastic it's gonna take the pain away if you're a drug addict that's like oh yes I'm gonna get off my face now and if you're scared of needles so oh I faint at the sight of needles I can't even look at noon I could I've got raging to that I'm not going to the dentist ever because I don't like needles so it's not the needle is it it's not the love of meat it's what you think about it dictates what you feel about it so you don't have a feeling about the meat or the needle you have a thought and the thought dictates the feeling is this my hypnotherapy is so powerful because if people can't change the thoughts ourselves and you can guess it into a relaxed state it's really powerful I mean proper hearing third the kind I do and you know all therapy is good proper hypnotherapy excites the imagination it doesn't say everyday in everyway you're getting better it says you are related and excited and thrilled and turned on by going to the gym and you love wasn't any kind of home and you choose to eat the right food and then you work on your business plan and you're so excited and the right ideas take root and develop and you formulate something amazing and you monetize a gift and you're just so successful because the mind love the exciting words the words must be in the present tense they must make a picture and they must be powerful dramatic and even better to have powerful words in front of the words so I give my clients the words they've always wanted to hear yes all I do really is the first time I like it detective and I'm gathering information they come in or maybe I'm online or maybe I'm teaching other people and the first thing you do is you're an investigator detective lays that pictures and they look at that if I look at those I understand what went wrong so I'm a detective and I'm understanding what went wrong and then straight away after that all good hypnotherapist do this particularly RTT are rapid transformational therapists investigate mm-hmm they find an imprint there's always an imprint a scared child and authority they go into something that goes on but then the next bit which most therapists don't do is you interpret that with your client if you go look you do this because is that like a what really I went home and tell my lunch and that's rubbish of course you don't I went home and told my husband is I don't think that's true and now I'm doubting it and I used to do that okay you do this because of that and I said yes but when I got my clients to do it with me let work why do you think you didn't go well now you've mentioned it of course when I was four these twin brothers came along and I now I can see that I felt replaced you served no longer I lost my status I didn't know who I was what's allowing the patient investigate as well yeah and then so they investigate and find the imprint interpret but then you interrupt it you completely smashed idea yes I know when you were to when you were born you ate three pound you know he died your parents said you with a dropper if you broke Ramon fried hysterically and was on the favourably the doctor and your dad we've got to get this baby to eat otherwise I didn't back into the premièred but now you're 42 you wake Leon well you're not going to die anymore so you interrupt it and you have to be funny and relevant also quite tough it's not a good enough reason to keep doing that going to all-you-can-eat buffets it's not a challenge you're not supposed to eat as much as you possibly can because it's really because there's no such thing as where you take whatever you want and then pay for it when you eat all that food they're losing it but you're paying for its price that you're paying yeah so after you've done the investigate and imprint interpret interrupts then you do what I call the installing so you go from being a detective to like a doctor who's extracting all the toxin so then you become a decoder and you code in any wire for firing yeah and the mind learns by repetition the mine learns by repetition and it only responds to words taking pictures you go I'm not bad me I have good days and bad days I'm all right no you have to go I am the greatest Muhammad Ali said I told myself I was the greatest I didn't even know I was but I said it then I became it he could have been I'm not bad me good days bad days I didn't sometimes I don't all right good I will win I am yes no one can beat me said that no ain't no one can beat me which actually wasn't true he was beaten be carried I'm saying it now I said to think of him as the unbeaten Muhammad Ali the person who never got it wrong so when you meet people who sound the best and the greatest I'm amazing we forget that some of those actors dreadful we forget that they did it they lost a right yeah Conor McGregor's lost a few fighters we just remember how good they were because they told us we were good so the most important part of hypnotherapy the two things one is you must find the reason and remove it and the second is you must put in really powerful powerful powerful words and no audio but it's got to be really exciting and I listen to it every day yeah 21 days every day and listen to it for three weeks and then it's gone in it's wide and it's fired and you can then maybe a month later you've got some important interview play again a lot of people don't understand they either to go to therapy and they understand why but they still do it because they don't do the new installation or they did an installation without finding out wisely by all these recordings I mean anything work because somebody said oh I thought you're recording for exam and as my kid who was lying on the floor hysterical to sit up I'm gonna ace that exam and she waited and she did so it does work but when you do both it works so ever and you know therapy is such a strange thing and I'm not anti any therapists but there's no other professional they gave bringing your pain and we'll talk about it nobody goes hey dentist I've got this terrible infection why didn't you come in and we'll have a conversation about it everywhere to see it three o'clock they go in cracks it simple no one serves as a doctor I think I broke a my arm we can discuss that every week how's the pain today not a no I'm being facetious but it's such a strange model let's discuss your pain every week until you get used to it get to understand it get familiar with it okay past it I'm like why don't you just get past it straight away because if someone came to me and said I have a chronic chronic headaches I wouldn't ever say let's does it let me get rid of the headache today right now we use hypnosis um we can certainly turn the pain right down and then we can find out why you have it but I would never say well let's discuss it and so hypnotherapy is more powerful I think than any other therapy because it both removes the pain and removes the cause of the pain yeah it takes away the pain and it takes away the could let's save it surely if you stopped someone smoking they bite their nails you start someone drinking that they go gambling do something else oh if you do it properly they never ever do that because you take away the source of the pain and the pain it's like you saying I've got weeds in my lawn I mowed then but two years later they came back that's so it's not really weird because you left the roots intact what's the min what's the main cause of most people smoking that keeps them addicted for so long is that common theme well what it's it's it's like everything whether you're smoking drinking gambling it's your belief like a lot of smokers I can't go to the bathroom if I don't smoke what do we think non-smokers do they go to the bar I can't relax if I don't smoke I can't focus even oh so I can't digest a meal if I didn't smoke I mean I've heard every single reason why people must smoke because I mean I worked at the famous writer and she's I can't write without cigarettes I'm like is that where your talent lies in a packet of Marlboro Lights I didn't know that I thought you were gifted you just said no it's the Marlboro light what it's not the Marlboro Lights won't well then stop telling yourself that it is but it's the lies we tell ourselves the smokers will said I know what to do with my hands why don't you look at a nonsmoker do what they do drinkers was there I can't relax without a drink I can't focus I can't enjoy myself users will say life how could you it live your life without chocolate how could you enjoy your coffee without sugar we lie to ourselves so much and you know I do opposite why don't you tell yourself a better lie where did you go I loved my life without sugar it's really new it's not true I know if you say everyday you know what happens if he comes true mm-hmm no was more of a chocoholic than me no one ate more sugar than me until I decided to stop poisoning my body and realized that it's a horrible thing it doesn't mean it doesn't taste lovely it's almost like we're all hypnotizing ourselves every day throughout our whole life it's true we are hypnotized every day and what we're saying is and the media who by the way if you put on a computer or drive to work you are invited to eat rubbish food about 500 times a day you put on an advert there's no advert for broccoli or yummy pears their adverts at the bastard I mean I went to the Olympics in London I took my godson I was Errol and there were three sponsors Cadbury's McDonald's and Coca Cola you thought remember they were giving out they had the purple trays they were giving a cab reason I like this is that we're the chocolate is sponsoring the Olympics but they have the money because they made us believe that you can't have Valentine's Day without chocolate you kind of Christmas without chocolate how could mean of Easter without Easter eggs so we've got all of this stuff wired into our brain it makes me happy it makes me feel good but you know you can unwire that it's actually really really easy I was in college my senior year of college I was I wanted to be an all-american decathlete and I had six months where I made the decision okay my dream was to be an all-american my whole life I didn't get it in football originally I did after this but I had one season left which I thought I had the track season and I was a decent sprinter and I could high jump and I can do a few events but I was not good at any one event in order to make my goal of being an all-american but the decathlon which is ten events I was like hum maybe if I put all these together maybe I could I've never done the pole vault I never done hurdles and a few other events for me the pole vault was the scariest I didn't like going upside down I don't like being a little pole 15 feet in the air I don't want to bend something in snap and break my neck all these fears I literally did what you said which was I made it a voice audio recording back in 21 it was about eight ten minutes long just essentially hyping myself I loved going upside down I loved bending a pole but it almost snaps and slingshots me to achieve my goal just talked about this and then every night I would listen to this yeah before I did the pole vault and I would watch highlight videos every night before the sleep of the best pole vaulters in the world and I was horrible at the time when I took the actions on the thoughts which made the events a possibility and even know what I was doing but I was like I need to trick my mind until I became confident I'm curious you talked about not telling ourselves better lives how do we become more self-confident or overcome doubt if we've never been confident and then just lie that we are yeah well it's what I call IT and still lie to your mind cheap fear still back the phenomenal confidence you were born with so a baby doesn't really have a fear of being upside down or a pole and then a baby would put a cockroach in their mouth if you let them share their house an electric socket if you allow them to touch a really hot oven because they are fearless they're camicazi pilots so I think you should lie to your mind all the time you know when I go on stage to this day I still get this tingling in my fingers and tingling in my toes and I know it's adrenaline and I could go oh my god I'm so nervous what my hands are shaking now and I really nervous I could go I'm so excited I love it love it love it love it love it and many years ago I had an experience probably the first time I really loses the power of lying to yourself and I was in bed it was late at night and the BBC called me and said can you come on the radio in the morning we want to talk about the work you've done with this Football Club and how they've gone from nowhere to being in the Premier League I'm not sure and they said well I'm picking up at 6 hours very early and they would take you to the studio and just do the radio show so 6:00 a.m. about 10:00 to 6:00 I got a bed clean my teeth I think I have combed my hair I've got in the car went off sat down and then all of a sudden they said actually we know we're gonna put you straight on the news so they started to run me across the car park and I'm like where's hair and makeup them no haven't got time for that you're going on the news this is such a great story forget about the radio we want you on the news so I sat down really TV TV and I'm trying to comb my hair put on a bit of lipstick I mean I've just woken up and the gurney is there and I know it's coming towards me like this and I knew I had a choice I could go oh my god why didn't you put on a nice jacket why didn't you comb your hair why didn't you put on makeup why didn't you and I remember saying I have a choice now I've got 30 seconds to either go kind of idiot you or to go I love it so I think I'd go I love it I love it I love it I love being live on BBC News I love it so much I love it and hear it or love it love it love it love it love it right in my face and then I just did the interview and it was great but if I kept saying oh my god I haven't even comb my hair looks so awful and actually one person said hey I saw you other you didn't comb your hair as if I know it was 6 a.m. but now I don't this at all I said cool what you did with that football team that was extraordinary no one else said one person yeah that was a girl of course I noticed but you know yeah but it's the lying to yourself I can do it you know I'm sure you know this very famous story about someone asking a major rock star what it's like you went it's amazing going onstage it's better than an orgasm is it just before you go on your fingers tingle and your heart beats and this adrenaline this is just so awesome and and everything is going on you're shaking trembling sweating heartbeats pounding a million miles a minute and then you go onstage and there they are and they love you and it's like it's better than sex now cue someone they said why did you stop performing this it will the most terrible thing happened to me in every time I was about to go on stage my fingers would tingle and my heart beats so fast and then I get all this adrenaline and I started sweating and I realized I was having a massive panic attack and it happened every time so I retired from performing so you see they both lie to themselves she said was a panic attack he said it was better than sex but it's better to say this is exciting this is thrilling this is amazing even when it isn't when someone's putting a needle you're armed and you go oh that gonna hurt I'm so great and I'm just reading my phone you know look at that that's fantastic I'm oblivious to what's going on in my arm and by the way needles are so fine now that I wouldn't even notice it so it is a lie but it's a good lie and we all like that when you say I'm just rubbish I'm just useless I didn't even know why I'm here who's ever gonna want me well isn't that a lot of it why would you say that you know some of the most happily married women in the world have got scars flaws and yet they have people that worship them and some of the most beautiful women in the world go yeah but you know I've got big feet or I've got this downy hair on my legs when I do that I've got this fatum and they they lie to themselves I am not enough is the biggest lie in the world that's why I founded the I'm enough movement because it's a lie no baby says I'm not enough cuz I haven't got a dad or I've got any teeth yet or I've got these milk spots I've got no hair and so we all want me to say I'm not good enough I'm not smart enough I'm not attractive enough I'm not interested that is a lie because my grind is to say every pan has a lid and and then when I got married to Jonas I found my lid and he found his lid and I'm far from perfect and so is he but these people that wait there waiting to be prettier thinner richer more interesting they're missing out on so much love because that's a lie you don't have to be perfect to be loved you have to be you and you'll never get to perfect perfect as a race and as you run towards it they move the finishing line again and again and again and I've heard of many people who appear to be perfect and they are always the unhappiest of all my clients and always a loneliest - because that's a lie that there isn't a perfect person on the planet and many of my clients are supermodels see no it becomes a it's her I don't expects me to be amazing Eric Clapton's wife Patti I mean they wrote she and George Harrison wrote for her something in the way you move tracks mean like no other lover and Eric were wonderful tonight and Layla and I asked her once what that was like I said it was a horrible horrible people expected this God to walk in the room I always felt I was going to disappoint them Wow which is such a shame because she is actually a lovely lovely person Patti but just because she was a supermodel on the cover of Vogue and she said I looked for every floor you know what I always found it because if you look for floors that's one of the rules so the mind you find what you look for if you look for what's wrong of course you'll find if you look for what's right you'll find that if you look for why you're not enough of course you'll find it if you look for why you are enough just the way you are you're enough because you're enough yeah so everything is along wide sheet steel well don't we were doing that now I'm locked I'm in lockdown I mean I'm in quarantine nobody's in quarantine is when you're in her like a tent in a hospital nobody can go in and quarantine yeah you're fine we're not in foreign tone we're not cooped up stuck trapped no one's taken prisoner no not prisoner but you see this is the lie the lies we say I've got to be a great a student I'm not enough I'm rubbish and we all lie to ourselves the freeway is killing me isn't that a lie my job makes me want to die well that's a lie if I get rejected one more time I jump under a train but that's a lie I've eaten non-stop for 24 hours really did you pay yes did you eat one your finger did you sleep yes so did you know so you just said you ate non-stop for 20 hours that's a lie my legs are the size of a house that's a lie I've got a bomb the size of I've got sorry okay I've got a bum the size of a city it's a lie I should say but like my butt is the size of a small city so I can eat enough is not just an army eats he sings the lies my kid mates ought to kill myself my partner is making me go crazy I'm insane with tiredness I'm shattered I'm exhausted they are lies you're not you need a bit of sleep my kids the night Minh no their age-appropriate so we all lie so tell yourself a better lie and you'll have a whole better life no something better I live better life exactly why not when you came and spoke at the summer of greatness you talked about the I am enough book and challenge and everything and we it's funny because Jeanette and I my girlfriend were walking the day afterwards in Columbus and checking out some shops and there was a big sign that was a an art sign said I am enough I bought it for and she has it now and it's a reminder to constantly tell yourself that line a good line that you are enough and you know when the wonderful things to do with I'm enough you see I me might notice I have these little bracelets they all say I'm enough I wear them you should write it on your mirror write it on your fridge put it in fridge use liner or lipstick or marker write it on your mirror put it on your fridge put it on your screens I've put it on your phone alert so it goes off twice a day and very securely incorporate into all your passwords imagine if the first thing you do in the morning is clean your teeth and there it is I'm enough and then your phone pings at 8:00 a.m. I'm enough and then you go to unlock your phone you've got to type in obviously dark squiggles safe I'm enough when you write it really speak and see every day it goes in anyway it sinks in and it makes such a difference and then it isn't a line where it becomes real because first of all we say things like I'm enough and you - not really enough are you because you borrowed your clothes in Target and you live you know really enough because you've got a very lowly job and you've got from well you left you your kids won't speak to you you're not really enough because you got cellulite or not really enough because you're not tall but then when you keep saying it what happens is because you're they want to objecting by the way you run out of object it's okay you know what I'm not tall neither is Kevin Hart I'm still enough I'm not a size two neither is JLo I'm still enough I'm not whatever but I'm still enough you actually run out of objections when he run out of objections then it goes in and then it starts to nourish you you know I was there but when you have dry skin and you put on lotion you're nourishing yourself and your body doesn't get that lotion Fairtrade organic because you've got any parabens it just goes oh this dryness is being nourished now by some lotion but you have to nourish your soul with words and they go in to nourish your soul with better words and there's nothing better than I'm enough because its strength is its simplicity you were born knowing you're enough and so what you're doing is reactivating and re manifesting in regenerating a truth that is your innate birthright yeah no one came and took it away people say like oh your brother was in my class he was saying what happened to you or your sister she's so much kind or neat of the news so we people do chip away at it but it hasn't gone it's just been buried and you can resurrect it yeah that's beautiful yeah it's amazing people need to get your book and then and they need to go to RTT when it comes back open I'm gonna go I'm gonna take Jeannette some time and a a lot of people who have listened to the last episode so they went to your trainings and they buy your programs and they love it transforming them so anyone watching listening right now you got to sign up for your next training when it comes available online in person where can we get access to these things to say RT t calm you can go to Artie Artie T dot just RT t means rapid transformation or therapy the ITT comm which is won so many awards since I lost so I think we want 18 Awards best therapy best product best training we haven't won the best pharmaceutical it's not a zoo there's a give it you've won it because of the impact you're having on hot Russians that's cool so ITC dot-com you can either find a therapist who does exactly what I do get so as I go or you can train to be one and we do both live and online training it's amazing and if you go to Marisa pier comm we give away tons of products we have at the moment a product that boosts your immune system mmm so that you're not going to get sick although we have wealth wiring love blocks money blocks they're all completely free some recipe don't we don't ask for your credit card or anything like that just go there and take tons of stuff but if you want to find a great therapist or indeed be one RTT does no background in therapy is required really just people's go if that's it then i'm go to RT t calm amazing yeah amazing you've got a great youtube channel all that stuff is up on your website marisapeter comm instagram social and I'm so lucky I'm so glad I was good like Marisa Pierre and not sue Smith because you can always find me I'm so even Instagram yeah cuz it my name it like you it's great when you've got an unusual many games I like this yeah amazing yeah I ask you this question the last time I'm gonna see if it changes for you we'll go back and we'll go back and check it's called the three truths okay so imagine that it's your last day on earth many years from now and you've created every program every free content paid program all this stuff you've created it but you've got to take it with you okay last day so no one has access to anybody they have no therapy the healing stuff no one has access to your content but you get to share three lessons to the world this is all you could leave behind okay these three lessons we're clean truths what would you say would you be yours I'm enough would be the first truth always tell yourself you're enough don't let in destructive criticism you get to choose not letting it in will change your life whatever my third talked yourself better talk to yourself as if you are your own best friend we'd never say to our best friend oh such a loser oh my god why did you wear that doesn't suit you how could you ever think you could write a book that's terrible you forgot the best in green you haven't left me time to get to the meeting you idiot talk to yourself like you're your own best friend your own best lover your own best parent you know serving my clients come in and they have what I call the missing bit they're still waiting for some absence I was going love you some withholding parent to go you're amazing some mean teacher that had a bad week to say you're smart and how people they're waiting to fill them up already dead so whatever the words I've been waiting for say them mmm you're a great kid how luck you might be your parent you're the smartest kid in the school you're my favorite you're the best friend of heaven if there was a template for the best friend best girlfriend husband lover kid you're the template tell yourself that because it becomes true so one of the reasons I created our tt is because I want people to fix their wounds because I remember hearing if you don't fix your wounds you bleed on people that never cut you I thought that's so profound can say wartime yep you don't fix your wounds you bleed on people that didn't cut you you don't fix your wounds you bleed on the people that didn't inflict those wounds on you and that's what we do we keep bleeding on people that didn't cause our wounds so I made our TT to really heal those wounds heal people so they don't bleed on the people they didn't count them Wow it's kind of like that's saying of about forgiveness or resentment what is it about like the lack of forgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person yeah and in China they say if you were in the business of a runs you better dig two graves one for you one for the person you're yeah it's so true if you hurt yourself you hurt the person you heard the people around you you're bleeding on the football yeah how would I not you know letting go is the most important words and the and holding on or the worse like the one where I get constipated because we hold on you need to let go of all that stuff let go of what hurt you coz hurt people hurt people and damaged people damaged people if you attracted someone damaged you can have a damaged relationship but if you attract someone who's worked on themselves then that'll be your relationship it's not gonna be perfect ever but you'll be able to continue to work on soon people go I like wild crazy guys why is that what I'm having a wild crazy life but how's it gonna work when you got three children or a baby or a problem and you've still got some wild crazy person and no it's a whole familiar unfamiliar but and again they think it's a feeling I got this feeling I find all other guys boring but it's not a feeling it's a belief mmm-hmm my dad was wild and crazy he didn't love me so why don't I find someone just like him and try so hard to change the ending of this story it's like why don't you change the beginning of the story and find someone there's nothing like your dad because not supposed to go home and get into bed with your dad anyone who wants to go to bed with Daddy that's sick or mummy for that matter what if her dad was the ultimate role model yeah well that happens to people are always trying to change the ending I'm gonna pick someone withholding and make them love you're gonna pick someone amazing and rich and then they're gonna want me just like my dad but change the beginning like it's too short to change the ending when when you lie cheat and steal you change the beginning and then you've already won yeah miss appear you're the best I was trying not to say anything I said in the first one no it's perfect I think I think you should be around people that lie to you and positive ways to say nice things to me you know so that I can hear but when I say to a girl you are the best little girl in the whole world mommy how do you know have you met all the other girls I'm like no but I know yeah when you say to someone you're the only girl in the world for you that's probably not true that's the lie cuz frankly if you ask people died you'd find another one I can't live without you or die all those songs I die if you leave me I can't live with that you're the only girl in the water we're all lies because most people ever had a beautiful relationship we'll have another one because they have the template I had a wonderful marriage sadly my partner died and amazingly I found someone else I mean another wonderful memory yeah it almost by saying like you're not the only one for me but I'm choosing to be with you that's special thinks that is more powerful probably I can be with every other one that might be but I'm choosing Jesus you're amazing yeah choosing just I'm choosing to stay with you with all your flaws because you you you work for me yeah and you are yeah rather than say you see that when you say something I love you because you're beautiful a lot of women here thank oh my god what am I gonna do then when I get the menopause I get pregnant or I get fat or I've got a cold and I've got runny nose and red eyes and so that's the problem that's why we all love Billy Joe well I love you just the way you are that's what we want don't go changing to try to please me I love you just the way you are we love all those songs in Bridget Jones when you said I like Bridget just the way she's oh I want that just the way you are that's not a lie but most songs are lying right Marissa I acknowledge you for being an amazing gift an inspiration to so many of us from all the experiences you've had in your life from all the the people you've been messed up in the world that you've coached over the years you just learned so much and you make it simple you make it easy for us to understand something that seems so painful and challenging so thank you for your time your wisdom makes you guys check out Marissa stuff it's mind-blowing it's powerful appreciate you very much thank you yeah welcome thank you thank you so much for watching this video with Marissa appear if you want more make sure to check out this interview right here with dr. Nicole the Peres all about how to heal your thoughts and the trauma of your past being stuck in Our Lives watching yourself live patterns whether or not they're in your daily behaviors or patterns and you're thinking mine or just being stuck in certain specific feelings

Channel: Lewis Howes

Views: 685,207

Keywords: lewis howes, marisa peer, marisa peer interview, lewis howes wim hofes interview, school of greatness, motivation, inspiration, motivational videos, inspirational video, how to unlock the power of your mind, self help, self improvement, self development, personal improvement, how to deal with negative thoughts, negative thoughts, mindset, success interview, health interview, keys to success, how to heal, how to overcome judgement, self esteem, marisa peer hypnosis

Id: A3V1ObCvVgU

Length: 90min 27sec (5427 seconds)

Published: Mon May 04 2020