Fr. Mike Schmitz | Love and Same Sex Attraction

awesome so um the name of this talk is a second the name to three the name of this talk is how love same-sex attraction and tolerance um which is just no I don't like that I don't I don't like that I don't like that we're not going to talk about that um here's why here like I'm leaving I'm going to the Holy Spirit one um no no we're not going to talk about that because because here's the thing when it says love same-sex attraction and tolerance um no tolerance no because here's why here's here's why I just bear with me tolerance is something you do to them you know tolerance is something that you do for for someone who's like you don't tolerate us we tolerate them and when it comes to the church when it comes to this topic we are not called to tolerance and wait a minute when it comes to the topic we're not called to even like something like acceptance what we're called to is to say this it's so this talk so it's just so you know because I know for a fact that there's people in this room right now who you saw the the second word a glove same-sex attraction and you're like that's me that's part of your experience and my get or that's part of someone in your family so when you love very very much as part of their experience and you can you can sit here and one of the things you consider you consider afraid like what's he gonna say next like what's Wednesday night coming I start talking about this and your ears start getting warm you're like just please you start getting that thing in your gut you're like just please don't say me don't don't say anything wrong like just what's he gonna say and the first thing I have to say is this that what not none of what I'm going to talk about today has anything to do with tolerance because tolerance is about them but when it comes to the church it is never us in them so we get here in a church church conference itself are like let's all talk about them over their false never that's not it why because if you experience or someone you know experiences same-sex attraction in the church you are not tolerated by the church not only that you're not accepted by the church the truth of the matter is you belong in the church you're not tolerated you're not accepted you belong so it's not about us in them it's just about us amen okay so this is not about them it is just about us it's not about them it is about us it's not about tolerance not about acceptance if you experience or anyone you know or love experiences same-sex attraction they you we belong you belong you're not tolerated you belong this is not about them this is about us but the next thing is this is going to be this might be though it's okay so if you're worried this is gonna be this is a safe place that's the first thing safe place why cuz we're talking about us but the second thing is this not that's not to say this isn't gonna be harder this isn't gonna be difficult because because that's one of the things is the reality of life is that life is difficult we sometimes expect life to be easy I remember I picked up a book um we expect like no no it should be it should it should be butterflies and roses and like give me some of the thing I like whatever I was gonna say honey but I don't know butterflies roses honey I don't know um sometimes we think that we no no you should just be able to life is about getting what you want life is easy it's supposed to be easy I remember there's this book by a guy named M Scott Peck called the road less traveled and I didn't read the whole thing actually I didn't even read the first chapter I read the first line on the first page of the first chapter and then I was like that's awesome and I put the book down and put it away but I got a lot out of that first line and the opening line of this whole book has these three words life is difficult cuz that's true and if we walk through life thinking that no no it's not supposed to be difficult it's supposed to be easy supposed to be like the again sunshine and butterflies and honey or roses and it's like this how frustrating would that be if how first thinking would it be that if you thought you went out you're going on an all-inclusive like vacation cruise and all of a sudden you realize that you were on a battleship not a cruise ship and you're thinking like being that way it'd be bad enough to be on a battleship like they're shooting at us what's happening right now like but if you thought like no no there's supposed to be my ties and margaritas and some people start to come by and help me give me more food and they tuck me in at night like but they're making me work and not only that they're trying to kill me it's is not fair like right because you're not on a cruise ship you're on a battleship our life is not a cruise ship our life is a battleship it's like the frustration of saying that I thought this was going to be a picnic field and it's actually a battle field life is not easy life is leaf is difficult life is difficult it's not about them it's about life is not easy life is and so that means all of us are going to be challenged that's why this whole talk today is not about them it is really actually I'm not just saying it it is about us because guess what what father um here's what all of us all of us have bodies and um so maybe some of you heard this before I look back when I was in seminary like a little story I came home for a long weekend and I you know brought me back up to the room I grew up in my bedroom I grew up in and on my bed my mom had placed a children's book that she bought for me in graduate school because that's where she thought my reading level was and and it was a book that she had heard was read after a funeral that she had gone to have a friend of hers and at the end of the book is about like the you know what happens after you die a lot of the stuff was kind of nice you know it said you know in the next place I'll no longer be sad and no longer be tears I'll be with all the people that I love all the people that I've lost all people went ahead of me won't be reunited and also all of those things we say yeah that sounds right that sounds pretty good but then I went on to say in the next place I'll no longer be tall or short on the longer be fat or thin on the longer be a boy or a girl in fact I won't even have a body at all and I'll finally be free too must be me so I went downstairs in the kitchen mama my mom was like oh do you like the book I was like well uh it's it's heresy my mom is like but I liked it like well you're a heretic mom that just deal with it I mean because because that's the truth the truth of the matter is if you're a human being if you are a human being what a human being is is a body and a soul together what you are what I am what we are is we are not just souls trapped in bodies we are a body and soul together in fact we we believe that God's ultimate plan for us after we die is we believe in the resurrection of the body we believe that we get our bodies back so the idea is for all eternity if you're a girl for all eternity you will have a woman's body glorified redeemed in heaven if you're a guy for all eternity God's plan is that you will have a man's body forever in heaven who in the next place you actually will have a body because everything about this what do you call a soul without a body a ghostie exactly it's like Casper I mean that's what a soul without a body is a ghost it's not it's that's a partial human being what do you call a body without a soul it's like it's a your answer just revealed to me whether you or not you watch The Walking Dead because some of you said oh it's a corpse like you're dead and something like you're a zombie you're walking around but that's what it is I mean a soul without a body without a soul is it is either a corpse or if it's been animated some way it's a zombie try to eat your brain um but but a human being God's plan for you as a human being is that your body and soul are together I mean here's this any quick example um user in the glasses yes sir could you come forward please give a round of applause what is your name Kevin this is Kevin everyone say hi Kevin no um okay just just in a second could everyone just look at Kevin's body yes Kevin give it nice give us a little twirl nice yeah so thanks guys giving widow well then now now you were like you laughed when I said look at Kevin's body but what were you already looking at you already looking at Kevin's body huh look at his body again look at his body of course Kevin well done he's like just breaking out the guns like oh yeah you want to see body check it out but but that's the thing is that you've never you've never known someone except through their body you've never known anyone except actually you've never known anything except through your body everything you and I know came to us through our bodies we saw it with our eyes we heard it with our ears we felt it we thought about it with our brains part of some people's body that that we've never known you've never known anyone except in and through their body because when you say look at Kevin we're looking Kevin's body who are you looking at you're looking at him you're looking at Kevin the body st. John Paul the second said this the body and it alone reveals the invisible makes visible what's invisible the spiritual and the divine we can we can know that Kevin is here because as we see his body we know Kevin's soul is here because of his body the body in it alone makes visible what's invisible so here's what the foundational principle you are your body you are your body you are your body therefore if you are your body then what you do with your body matters amen okay okay so here's let's review this talk today it's not about them it's about life is not easy like is and if you are your body then what you do with your body matters right exactly so that's our starting point so not just like where my heart is not just where I will my intentions are but what I as my body actually is me it matters it matters okay amen okay wonderful awesome pause so excited here's a little philosophy lesson a little philosophy let's go back to this so if I am my body when I do with my body matters I can either use a thing according to what it's made for like a body human being whatever or I can use it against what it's made for I can either use it in conjunction with how it's been created or I can violate it I can violate the nature of a thing I don't you ever heard the term nature have you already took that like the trees and butterflies oh honey yeah like but like the nature of a thing is this the nature of a thing is they what it is 'no same okay the nature of a thing is they what it is 'no same so here's the thing this is a this shares the nature of chair it shares the what it is 'no said share xin chair ness right that's what they say it what it is ness now you can find out the what it is Nisour ness right you the front row like I just I don't speak English father what is it share for to sit upon exactly so the what it is foreigners reveals to what it is mnestheus foreign s reveals the nature of the chair so now I am I am using the chair for the end which what with which it was created at the end for which it was created Oh well I think about that so I'm using the chair according to its nature according to its purpose for the end which was created okay that's sureness this is a table shares the nature of table nests what is the what it is for nests of a table what's a table for food yes it's sitting broader than that but yes it's the set stuff on right I heard that to set things on you set things upon a table so here we go I'm going to use the table for the end which was created BAM oh my gosh there it is right there shut up okay now now so I have the reward in this furnace and then what it is nosov the table 'no Swee have chair nuts this is to set it sit upon this is a set things upon but watch this wait for it Oh what did he just do I can't believe it I now just know you guys so the nature of a chair is to sit upon but I just set something on it so question did I just violate the nature of a chair I hear we're confused I didn't violate the nature I just used it for my own purposes my own purposes did not violate the nature of chair because you can still sit on it same thing when it comes to the table I want to make sure I sat on it now am i violating the nature of table by sitting on the table no I'm very careful I'm somewhat propping myself up um but I'm not violating table Ness and not violating what it's for nice even though I'm using it for my own purposes so you have the end of a thing that nature of a thing you have you can use it according to the purpose meaning like set something on the table sit on the chair or you can use it for another purpose and still not violate the nature of table or chair no here's question I don't bring I didn't bring one because I had to go on a plane what's the nature of an axe it's a chopper exactly to chop things to cut things to chop things now you could take an axe and you can chop wood right that's using according to its nature right right you could take the axe and you could chop I'm Kevin right you can take the ax and you can chop Kevin's library books in half you could just like and you won't be violating the nature of the axe you also could take no offense Kevin you could take uh Kevin's distant cousin Ralph and you could chop Ralph now if you chopped Kevin's distant covenants cousin Ralph with the axe would you be violating the nature of axe no you're chopping that's what it's for are you doing something wrong well it depends on Ralph you know I mean it really let's be honest here we don't know Ralph maybe he maybe he deserves be chopped I don't know probably yes you're not violating the nature of axe but you could be doing something wrong by using the axe of according to its nature but for something evil okay we have all these things so now we have nature of a thing with the purpose for its made what if what if this I took a table and I propped up my car on the table to change the oil when I pretty quickly violate the nature of table yeah yeah pretty what if I took um a big big stump and started splitting wood on this chair when I pretty quickly violate the nature of chair yeah what if I took that that axe and instead of chopping wood I started driving in railroad spikes with the blade edge of the ax and I pretty quickly violate the nature of axe yeah totally so so here we have the nature of a thing the word it is for Ness I can use it according to my own purposes and still not violate it and I can use it according to purposes that actually end up ultimately violating the very reason that it exists sounding sense so now here's what I know you all been waiting for let's talk about sex because I know that's why the entire conference is in this room because you're all a bunch of perverts and you just you just saw the word sex on there like I wanted that talk I can't I want more I want to hear more about this okay if you were if you were sorry all the all the adult leaders are like I am so disappointed in that priest I just but he knows the kids he knows him nailed it so if you're if you're an alien scientist you came down to earth and you're trying to investigate like what what's the nature of all these things that human beings do and you investigate it as a scientist you investigated sex you'd say okay what here's the nature of sex what's the what it is for nests of sex like what is sex for just scientifically just observing what is it for what's it what's the purpose hi spoke up would you boo yeah I'm not sure I think I heard babies in which case seriously no yes yes babies baby a procreation is a big fancy word for that if you were to study this okay what's the what's the natural result of this oh that's what this is for this is for procreation yes for babies another end or another purpose of sex it's also for the unity of the couple in fact that's even a biological thing where as a man and woman entering to the sexual embrace their body releases certain hormones that actually are like bonding hormones that they become physically and emotionally chemically bonded to each other so the two ends of sex the two what did his furnaces of sex is procreation and union or in other words say it is babies and bonding those are the two ends the two like that's just what that's what it is for just like a table is for setting things on a chairs for sitting on that's the end that's what it's for okay let's take a break from sex I know come get more so let's talk about eating mmm we just did that what is what's what's that what's the nature of eating what's the what it is for nests of eating yeah nourishment energy so nourishment and pleasure yeah these are the two ends these are - what did this for misses of eating these this human act is for nourishment and for the pleasure you get from eating a meal now question have you ever have you ever been running late for school and/or for whatever and rather than sitting down having a nice delicious breakfast you just grab like a power bar on your way to honor to work on the way to school which is not delicious right so in that case you were not eating for pleasure you're eating for nourishment right right now in that case since you were eating more for pleasure than for more for nourishment than for pleasure were you violating the nature of eating no not at all you just were emphasizing one over the other now have you ever had this situation where you went out to like a nice restaurant you had this great meal and you're like oh my gosh I am so stuffed I couldn't eat another bite and they come along with the dessert tray like hello would you can I interest you in double double chocolate fudge fudge you're like mmm yes yes and in that case you are not you're definitely not eating for nourishment you've got all the nourishment you needed but you said you I'm going to eat for pleasure now in that case are you violating the nature of eating now you're just emphasizing one over the other now this is the next part in still sensitive very sensitive actually as I know this this does affect people who are in this room as well is one of those things in some some people in this room you might struggle with this so I don't bring it up lightly but it is important thing there could be a situation where you could violate the very nature of eating by thwarting one or two of those ends say someone who eats something for pleasure but doesn't want the nourishment and so they make themselves throw up back up I know there many people struggle with this but in that case is that person violating the nature of eating yeah I'm working directly against one of its natural ends working directly against one of the natural ends of eating and I just you know if this is you if there's someone you love it's one of those experiences where you know like if someone were to say oh you call it a human act father like animals eat to like right but but if you're someone who struggles with this you know that it's not something that's just like oh I just violated it's no big deal you know that this hurts you you know that this is one of those things where like I feel so ashamed you won't do this is one of these things that like when I here's this thing that meant to be integrated nourishment and pleasure of food but when I work against it not only do i disintegrate the act of eating i disintegrate I feel disintegrated I talk to so many people who struggle with an eating disorder struggle with that that kind of battle they say no I I hate this about it because again it's not just about food I feel like I'm being pulled apart because I can't do this human action even of a small human action of eating and intentionally violate it without actually disintegrating my very self and if that's the case when it comes to food how much even more so is that the case when it comes to sex because food is relatively impersonal but if I were to if anyone were to enter to the sexual embrace with the intention of I'm going to violate either either end of sex procreation or Union babies are bonding I'm disintegrating the very nature of the thing and I can't do that without actually disintegrating myself and of course it's just like when it comes to eating there can be situations where here's a couple they want to achieve pregnancy and so they say you know okay well she's ovulating right now let's enter to the sexual embrace um they're not necessarily doing that because they want the Union because they feel incredibly United to each other or intimate with each other they're doing it because we want to have a baby now they're not violating the nature of uni but they are doing it more towards the nature of procreation at the same time you could have a couple that says no we're not trying to achieve pregnancy but we have this Union we desire and so we're enter into the sexual embrace for the Union we're not violating the nature of not violating the possibility of procreation but we're entering into the sexual embrace with the intention of Union but just like with eating you know that there's ways you can work against either one of the ends of marriage one of the ends of sex in what's how do people work against the end of procreation called contraception and what I think the contraception does is it actually it violates the very nature of the sexual embrace and when it ultimately does is violates very nature of a human being and if you'd like well father that's a Catholic thing okay fine it's like Catholic thing actually do you know this until nineteen twenty every single Christian denomination believed that until 1921 and all of a sudden people started saying well maybe not maybe not maybe not hey guess guess uh about rates of divorce guess what they've done since 1921 have they gone up or gone down they've gone skyrocketed fifty to sixty percent of married couples and in divorce virtually virtually all of those couples contracepting you know what the rate of divorces for practicing Catholics who don't contracept it is somewhere around one to two percent think about this thing because some of you a couple of you are called a marriage the rest are called to be priests and nuns but a couple of you're called to marriage and say I want to have a marriage that lasts for life awesome I would do anything to have a marriage that lasts forever wonderful would you be willing to never ever enter the center sexual embrace using contraception because if you want to think of like one silver bullet that will help you in your long lasting marriage fifty percent fifty to sixty percent all the way down to one to two percent that seems like kind of a game-changer and it also seems like a huge indication that what I'm talking about when it comes to violating the nature of the sexual embrace working against procreation actually doesn't just like oh I just violated the sinner I violated the whatever it's actually I violated my relationship here that's what I'm saying this is see I haven't even said anything about same-sex attraction yet this is all about them nope it's about us because except actually it's not about me because I'm celibate so whatever um this is about y'all in fact I'm Erin I were talking to a priest and he was he was going through he's he was doing the NFP thing for a bunch of married couples or couples getting married and sitting in on the class and at one point the instructor said something like you know a lot of couples not everyone because not everyone's the same when comes to cycles and whatnot um a lot of couples have to abstain you know maybe one week out of every four somewhere in there you know maybe every one ten days out of every thirty or something and he was like what seriously so like but then the other three weeks or the other 20 days it's just entering the sexual price whenever you want like yeah he was like well that's easy he's like I don't have one day where I get to do it so it's a piece of cake but this recognition of course that if we keep the sexual embrace United then we stay united see this is where the church comes from when it comes to the idea a topic of same-sex attraction years ago number of years ago the man that I loved the most my closest friend best friend ever he he called me and said hey I'm come up to Duluth I want to talk to you about something this man I've known his entire life I've known his entire life I'm not closer to anyone that I am with this man I mean II drove up and we were walking along Lake Superior and he said okay so um I had tell you something it's like so uh I'm gay I was like okay and I'm he's big news he'd hadn't shared with anyone in his entire life so I gave him a hug we stood there on shores of the sea of the Lake Superior and I just get my hug and I was like you know I love you he said yeah I know it's like you know so I'm here for you and said yeah I know and then he said so uh have any questions I thought I was like a press conference like I made my statement I'll take questions from the audience now and I was like what do you mean you want to know how long I felt this way like how long have you felt this way as long as I can remember okay so you know you have to believe me I'm like why wouldn't I believe you she said well um you want to know why like no I don't need to know why I don't need to know when you started feeling this way I don't need to know why you might think you feel this way I mean why why you think you might I said I do have one question I what are you gonna do this man is Catholic you know belongs to the Lord knows Jesus what are you gonna do he said what do you mean what am I gonna do I just told you I'm gay that's known to you you just shared with me an experience you experienced attraction to members of same-sex that's that's all you told me I want to know what are you going to do about that because an attraction isn't sinful having an experience isn't sinful like because all of us here's the thing everyone in this room we're attracted to stuff that we probably shouldn't be right all of us probably have some attractions to things that like actually if read through the book you know this one bound in leather or whatever read this book probably all of us want to do one or two of the things that God says hey don't do that so we all get in it's not about them it's about and so one of the things is not like well I have this attraction okay that's it's a real thing what are you gonna do about it though he said what do you mean what I'm gonna do about it like well you have free will still you can either choose to act on this or you choose to not act on this just like I mean I have to tell you confession time I'm attracted to women like whoa no like no no seriously see but like you know you got you but you're a priest like I know it's weird I thought it would go away when they laid hands on me I was like I got up I'm like shoot seriously still and yet I mean I'm not trying to make light of it I'm just saying that no all of us all of us have have these things that we're caught were called to not just say yes to because you have freedom and that's the thing it's so important because so many times the world that the world will say is this is that if you have an impulse you got to see how to sate that impulse you got to pursue that impulse if you have if you a desire for something you've got to give into it that's why we need things like birth control because you can't stop the kids they're just going to do it that's why we need things like gun control because you can't stop the psychos they're just gonna do it here's the thing the church says this we don't want to control you Church says this not to you have got power we're gonna take away your power Saoirse has nothing to do with when it comes to like okay you have all the strength but we're gonna take away your strength we're gonna have this all these controls the church says you don't need birth control you don't need gun control you need self control that's what the church calls us to because the church says you have power you have strength use it you can use it you have more strength in you and to the power of the Holy Spirit then the rest of the world says you have the church says no listen you experience this attraction or that attraction doesn't matter what it is under the lordship of Jesus you can experience freedom in this you can experience love in this but the first thing you have to do first thing all of us have to do we have to just be willing to acknowledge it and accept it here's what I mean and this is like this is just such a big deal for me because uh if you experience same-sex attraction you're not accepted do not tolerated you belong but an experience is not an identity an experience is not an identity because I experience a lot of brokenness in my and my life and if I were to say that my experience is my identity then that would mean that I'm broken that's my identity is I'm broken your experience is not your identity and so if you experience an attraction to this or that or the other thing can that's your experience but it's not your identity because if it was your identity then you say no that's all I am that's why I love st. John Paul the second a couple years ago before when he was still alive he um before he was alive on earth now he's live in heaven that was a weird caveat anyways john paul ii remember one day he looked at me and like 1.4 other million people at World Youth Day and he said he said you are not the sum of your weaknesses of your failures or your sins but john paul ii looked at me and he said and looks at you and he says listen your experience is not your identity you're not the sum of your weaknesses your wounds and your failures he says you are the sum of the father's love for you and your capacity to be image of jesus christ to the world so regardless of what your attraction is other people that members the opposite sex same sex does matter you're not the sum of an attraction you were the sum of the father's love for you your experience is not your identity there's a young man in our diocese he just awesome kid came to our program and and he met the Lord and he just came to things like this pursued the Lord but here's the thing when he got was about a sophomore in high school he came face to face with this reality he's like okay so I'm saying attracted I here I am I'm gay and every time we went to prayer then the prayer was ok God I know this is what I have but you have to take it away God if you're gonna love me you have to take it away God if I'm gonna let you love me you gotta you gotta kill me of this you got to take this away from me so every time we went to a retreat every time he went to a conference every time you went to adoration you would pray God if you can't love me until you take this away from me God you can't possibly love me until you make it so I'm not attracted to men until one day how man is kid he's so awesome when he was a dad one day he was in adoration and he was crying because he's just tired of it he was tired of saying God just please take it away because you can't love me until you make me better obviously that's how he thought of it and he finally looked at the Eucharist like we'll have the Eucharist tonight looked at the Eucharist and he was like wait Jesus you know who I am you know what I struggle with you know my experience and you still say you love me so I'm just gonna I'm just going to accept your love even if you never take anything else away this is the first step for every one of us this isn't just his story this is the first step for all of us because all of us have something in our lives that we hate about ourselves and so many times we can come to prayer we can say okay God um you don't get to love me until you take this away from me we can say to God you don't get to love me until you heal me the first step is I'm just going to accept this as part of my story I'm gonna let you love me God because I imagine that maybe last night maybe in prayer today maybe even right now some of you are thinking that God is my story see this is I'm on the outside no you're not it's not them it's us you're not accepted you belong and the Lord already loves you just waiting for you to accept his love this is this is ultimately that the whole the whole part of it that the main thing all of us need to do is accept God's love as he offers it to us right now regardless of what our wounds are now later on he said you say father you know you always about this you know these kind of things and and he grew up with us talking about whatever kind of sexual attractions whatever whether heterosexual homosexual and he said that a lot of times the what he heard was you're called to say known called to say no to certain things which we are called to say no to certain things but he said this he pointed this out to me he said you actually you know what no one is called a vocation of no no one is called to vocation of no without a larger location of yes no one is called to a vocation of no without a large vocation of yes and the big fear so many people have is if I live up to the church's teaching for living chase Lee in life then I'm just going to be lonely if I live up to the church's teaching like if we say that the men and women who experience same-sex attraction can't act out in a sexual genital way on that attraction they're just gonna end up lonely and I know I know about the fear of loneliness I mean that was part of my discernment to be going to seminary was my biggest fear was that I would end up I mean I pictured it really really clearly I was like okay I can see myself years down the road as a priest you know I mean this drafty old rectory you know the winds rut you know rattling the the windows and and I'm sitting there my old rocking chair with an Afghan on my lap and just stroking my cat looking out the window I'm lonely I know though I know about the fear of loneliness and so often times we can think that like what if we live up to the Church's teaching what you're saying is they have to be alone has to be lonely that's not true john paul ii once again for the third quarter of the day john paul ii said they see said man human beings cannot live without love without love we remain it man remains of being incomprehensible to himself his life remains senseless if he does not know love yet doesn't receive love and make himself a gift of love now we might hear that is that modern people and think like because and we think something else because for us moderns we think of love we've taken this huge concept of love we reduced it to romantic love and we taken this concept of romantic love and reduce it to sex and so that when john paul ii says man cannot live without love what a lot of us hear is like man cannot live without sex without sex his life remains a mystery to him he is incomprehensible to himself if he doesn't have sex in may have sex it's like imagine John Paul the second celibate priest like he's like yeah my life is senseless love is bigger than sex love is bigger than romance in fact the Greeks used to have four terms four words for different kinds of love and actually eros or romantic love was the smallest was the least kind of love cuz it's the most it's the kind of changes so quickly I mean you've all know Romeo and Juliet right how does the play start out Romeo is going about all Rosalind he loves Rosalind Roslin's the best and he sees Juliet Oh Juliet's the best and I'm gonna kill myself for it like he's dude you crazy let the hormones calm down but this recognition of eros is fleeting that's why everyone was every couple that I do marriage prep for they like want to prove it to me that that their love is special and I'm like yeah it is special you're special and precious snowflake right um you're too precious snowflakes have found each other um but they want to demonstrate to me that no our love is special I'm like okay great and they almost always say the same thing no father we're not just in love with each other I'm marrying my best friend oh that's what everyone says like no but it's it's true and that's one of the things is because we all realize that romantic love is fleeting it's here today gone tomorrow but there's a deeper love the Greeks called philia friendship it's a more fulfilling love than eros it's called philia friendship so after a talk I was giving at a university a couple years ago this girl got up and was kind of funny because before the talk she was like Oh father you know when I was in high school I used to listen to all listen to your podcasts and she really emphasized the use to like I don't anymore it's like oh okay um afterward she raised her hand she said okay this is nice but here's what you have to know um I have a girlfriend and she's amazing and she is so generous and she is so kind she's incredibly patient with me she builds me up and when I'm with her like I'm a better person I am kinder I'm more generous like I feel like there's someone who knows me and supports me and I lift her up too and I it's fantastic relationship and she the what do you say about that I said what sounds awesome nothing she described is anything the church would say now don't do that don't be kinder with one another don't build each other up and be you know provides some solace like every I said everything you just described Church would say that's a gift everything you just described the church would say that's amazing that's worth praising you know the church only basically says no to a couple things one in one in particulars the genital sexual expression of affection because why because if sex has a nature of what it is for Ness there's no way that the genital sexual expression between two men are between two women meets the what it is for us in fact acting out of that is directly against the procreative element and I can't act against it without disintegrating my own heart my own life but but for this girl and for anyone that friendship you found in this other person fantastic you commit to each other in friendship wonderful awesome and I'll say in friendship want one I mean like in friendship so much greater than era so much greater than romance so what's more life-giving and so much more like Christ's love so living out the Church's teaching doesn't leave someone lonely and desperate and desolate and abandoned the church says no no you're called to love in fact we can't know ourselves and let's become a gift of love not we can't know ourselves unless we have sex but everyone here is called to deep and profound friendship and if you find that friendship and a brother find that friendship and a sister it's friendship it's love and it's something that actually calls us to have greater heights but I know so many people again we're afraid we're afraid of this whole idea like but if you said this to people that would really sound really really mean like you actually teach what the Church teaches with regard to same-sex attraction like that would be like so condemning and like you have unjust injustice is happening and like bullying would go on I would say okay this is this that's interesting what does the church teach when it comes to how we as Christians are called to treat our brothers and sisters who experience same-sex attraction what the church says is they must be accepted must be must be accepted with compassion respect and love so cool on to say a visit from the Catechism any sign of unjust discrimination in their GAR in their regard must be avoided but they are called like everyone else they are called all of us not them us are called to unite whatever sufferings they experience in life just like we all are because not about them is about us to the sufferings of Jesus to achieve the heights of Christian perfection here's what the church says what is a heterosexuals highest call not to have more more sex hetero structure stands highest calls to be a saint what is someone who experiences same-sex attraction with their highest call the call in life is to be a saint that means who is it who is called to be a saint them or us some of us or all of us all of us every single one of us but here's this kind of almost last thing okay so say I uh so uh five years ago I think give or take when my little brother called me and told me you wanted to go for a walk on Lake Superior known this kid ever since he was born and um he came to stupid nabela when he was your age and was one of those things where he he knows Jesus loves me knows Jesus really is God he knows the church was founded by Christ that Catholic Church is the answer is the one true church he knows all this stuff he knows Jesus loves him but here's the thing as he was coming here in Steubenville he would he would have this thing where it happened all the time where he would um he'd be praying and it'd be like time for adoration or whatever and he would let he would begin to let Jesus love him and then he'd say but no you can't love me because if you knew if people around me knew that this is my experience than they wouldn't love me if it took till he was 27 to call me up and say he we talk some rest before the fourth of July and we were talking about tattoos for just you know and he said if I were to get a tattoo I think I get a swan I was like cool dude a swan I started making fun of him because I was like okay yeah the most ferocious of birds and uh or even majestic it's like that's like oh this one and he's like no because here's why he said growing up looks me so I know you love me I know you love me I know mom and dad love me and I know the rest of our siblings he's like I know you guys love me but I always felt different he's like I always felt like I was looking around and seeing all these ducks that were just awesome and they're all alike but I felt like the ugly duck like there's something in me that was so broken that was so different that was so not worth loving he's asked I couldn't tell anybody I didn't feel like I could tell anybody wanted to be true I didn't want to have to deal with this and I just felt like an ugly duck I wasn't worth loving he's like but now I I know that you know this is part of my story this is part of my experience and yeah I'm not a duck like you but prime maybe it's cuz almost one I don't know if I love or respect to anyone more than my little brother and if they crazy thing is cuz I don't have to holler I don't tolerate him you don't tolerate people you love right you just love him my biggest thing is I just I just wish I don't know you know it's his story he gets to he has to keep living it but I just wish he had trusted well no it's fine cuz it's not like that it's his story he and he gets to go at his own pace but I guess I wish that I would have communicated in some way that if he wanted to he could have told me earlier in some way that you know because we all carry around some kind of shame right we all carry on some kind of wound that like you at some point you can just share it with people you know love you and you know they're gonna keep loving you but for whatever reason he did I don't know it's a funny thing though because at one point we had a conversation he was like okay what I want more than anything else I want you to accept me okay what does that mean well dude like I can't do it a lot but like dude what do you mean you know I love you he's like no I want you to ease either you and either you celebrate every decision I make or you made you hate me it's like that's not real in fact my dad was like what hey this is good we have a really honest family with each other I love that so much when I was like what brah my dad doesn't say that but when I was like what are you kidding he's like he says no good parent accepts every decision their child makes he says some parents do but no good parent does so he's like met a little brother um we love you where you're all we're gonna celebrate you we don't have to agree with every decision you make I think that sometimes the the box we get put in it's either you embrace every decision someone makes or that means you hate them but you realize there's that's no there's no real relationship on the planet that's like that imagine having a friend that says okay you must celebrate every decision I make or that means you hate me like I'm beginning to hate you right now but there's those are two ways there's a third way and the third way is I'm not gonna tolerate I'm not gonna hate I'm just gonna love means we're gonna disagree sometimes there's gonna it's gonna mean that you're gonna disagree with me sometimes it's gonna mean that sometimes you'll do stuff that I wish you didn't do and I'm gonna do stuff that you wish I didn't do but we're still brothers and we're still friends and we're still all called so Saints to be Saints because the call to be a saint is not for them the call to be a saint is for I just cannot wait I cannot wait think about this day I know so many men and women who are Catholic who are dedicated to Jesus Christ to experience same-sex attraction and they commit their lives like no I'm gonna live chase Lee I'm never as many great friendships as possible I'm gonna dive into prayer as deeply as possible I'm gonna serve and love people as deeply as possible and they have these incredibly full lives and the incredibly transformed lives these people these men and women like no my experiences I'm same-sex attracted I always have been I don't know if it ever change doesn't matter though because what I can do is I know I'm called to love called a friendship called the chastity called to be a saint and I cannot wait for the day I cannot wait for the day when the church cannon eise's the first known homosexual man or homosexual woman st. who dedicated their lives to living chase Li in abundant love in the power of Jesus Christ because that will be an incredible day an incredible day one it'll be a message and this amazing thing is this amazing thing is this that person that Saint could be in this room that thing could be in this room you may be you always thought not I don't belong I'm not part of this and I need to leave no no no no no you belong and one day maybe you will be the greatest greatest most powerful witness to Christ's love that the world has ever seen you

Channel: Steubenville Youth Conferences

Views: 1,021,096

Keywords: Catholic, Charismatic, Youth Conference, Evangelization, Steubenville Conferences, Youth Ministry

Id: fWZ171V0wEQ

Length: 50min 28sec (3028 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 03 2016