Fireside Chat with Billy Baldwin & Chynna Phillips

[Music] excite everyday you have Billy Baldwin in China Phillips from the house to just share the stage with and talk something asks you guys if you don't want coming up now I hope you don't mind me changing the chairs fill the water over for you [Applause] want you going that way a happy couple can be together you know it's interesting when I when I got asked to do this a couple of months ago you know I was like okay well I'm not sure why you're choosing me but I'm happy to do it and I went home and I heard my fiance was there at Karen and I said said honey I've been asked to come over and stage with Billy Baldwin in China Phillips and she all of a sudden just started staring off into space it was like Karen oh snap my fingers and she was somewhere else I got very worried that she was thinking about Billy I was like okay I mean he's good-looking but come on honey like I'm right here in the for physical and also she snapped out of it and it was actually you Billy it was China that she was thinking about and not not that way I meant yeah easy there Billy it's gonna be a long night over go down that road so what happened is she went back to 25 years ago and she was maybe was 30 years ago when she was 25 and she was going through a rough time in her life and your song hold on she just said wow that song got me through the worst time of my life I used to crank it in my car sing it as loud as I can and all my anger came out all my frustration so my girlfriend thank you I should say good answer so you know getting married and stuff I'm actually gonna ask you guys for a little advice on that because 25 years that's that's good in the real world in Hollywood that's like a hundred and fifty years you know what's this give me some secrets what's what what do I need to do to be able to last 25 years back rubs gross home-cooked meals and you know a little bit of nookie a couple times a week I think it's the secret yeah good seriously we're at like you know 25 years together there's literally times where sex can be about and be motivated by a lot of different things and after 25 years part of your sexual relations is purely medicinal like my wife is like if if he's driving me crazy if we don't have sex he's gonna like I'm gonna lose my mind and he needs to like to be shot with a tranquilizer gun so so literally like you know well I'm sorry you're when you're no no not but but just I told her this is healthy minds Canada right this is okay so no I literally Tobin I was like honey I'm a caveman and I need three things okay I need a ham sandwich not ham it's good for the story it's just it's a habit it could be a BLT it's not I'll have a hummus sandwich for you okay I need to be I need a ham sandwich I need quality time with the family with the kids I need to make sure the kids are taken care of whether I'm there or not if I'm way I need to make sure our kids are provided for and I need a little you know something you know and I said if that happens if those three things happen in every 72-hour window our marriage is absolute bliss you will never ever have a complaint I just need those three things need to happen twice a week anyway how do we get off subject is your microphone yeah okay do I look funny okay okay sorry your mic is too low honey I can't hear you hello I wasn't leave it to get that mic okay so uh that's it you know I've been moving on from that and that was some good advice I appreciate that but I will see you asked about 25 years I will say my wife and I had an interesting thing happened to us during the crisis the collapse of 2008 2009 and we went into you know couples therapy to counseling to work on it and I swear this is really really simplistic and I don't want you to laugh at this but in the counseling the therapist said I don't need to get into specific details but he said what is one thing that you're not getting or you're not getting enough of that you need in the relationship from Billy tell Billy what it is tell him what you need and he's after she told me what it was she said Billy now you reciprocate tell her the one thing that you need and I have to tell you that it is just doing that for each other and that doesn't have to happen every day or every week or every month but if you if you keep coming back to that and say I would say to my wife you don't even need to be good at it you could be like an abject like abysmal failure at I just need you to chew even if you don't want to I need you to try and do this for me because I'm asking it it wasn't sex so I said and I swear it really changed our marriage right to it you agree yeah like me addressing this one thing that was the most important thing that she wanted me to try to do she was hoping that it would be good at it and be successful but I thought we they do have cameras on us right this is recording oh okay we really have to be careful now yeah so yeah we we that has been like revolutionary in our marriage her her telling me like what the one thing that she needs well my thing was am I allowed to say my one thing was that I really needed him to where needed you to work on not going from zero to a hundred when you got upset about something it was like yeah I'm a New Yorker I needed you to take that that moment between stimuli and response you know there is that moment but the problem is really gotta solve interrupted that's it what are you talking about it's totally you know what okay as I said 25 years that's really great you know women have their anger issues if they could just stop and take that moment to sort of recompose and think about what you want to say there is that moment so basically I went out I got neutered the next day okay I have a good line for you let's hear you say it makes sense that you feel that way that acknowledge their feelings you don't have to agree with their feelings but but she used to say to me all the time she's like honey why are you yelling and I'm like who's yelling I mean this is like I'm just trying to make a point we're having a conversation I'm like I'm animated I'm excited she's like you're always yelling I'm like you know we have a Lucy and Ricky thing where I'm a New Yorker and she's like a California sort of ohm shanthi you know yoga girl Jesus lover and and it's somehow it's about work so addiction mental health yeah let's get on to that I mean I know there's some personal reasons why you guys do it but you do a lot of different charity works and and it can't be just for the personal reasons that you've had and you know starting your own lies or and your family and you know what what else is behind it why is there a passion because I sense there's a need or a feeling that you think people know you're not alone I always love sharing my story I don't have any issues with it I'm kind of an open book and maybe that's well it is it is a gift I guess that I'm not afraid to talk about the experiences that I've had in my life because I feel like it brings people closer and I feel like it breaks down the walls and helps people to realize that they're not alone in life you know we all suffer to some degree from some sort of insecurity some sort of anxiety some sort of fear I mean we're human so I think that especially in this day and age with you know Instagram and everyone making their life looks so perfect I think it's really really important that people talk about the fact that things aren't always perfect never perfect and we all have our struggles that we have to learn to you know share that with one another because it's a beautiful thing it's a beautiful thing to be able to just be transparent and let somebody see who you are and what you've walked through because it builds other people up and it helps them feel not so alone and let's face it we all really think that loneliness is the great epidemic it really is and with all of us having our faces and our phones all the time and you know kids saying hey mom mom mom mom you know our dad dad dad and you know even with my children I'm like Vance Vance babe look at me you know and he's like oh what what what you know but I just think it's like the world of distraction and the problem with that is that it just pulls us apart and I like unity and I want people to communicate and I want to feel that connection because that's why we're here that's why our heart is beating intimacy and connection is really important yeah sure yeah I mean we've always say in our office that the office of addiction is connection you know that we all felt and as we're covering act I certainly remember that feeling and whatever that connection is it can be you know to God it can be to a higher power it can be to your family can meet a mother earth but to finally feel that sense of connection is is so important to every person's life because there's so many people that actually struggle alone and when we hear people like you get up and and express their story and share it I think it gives people a lot of strength to do it themselves you know and you've actually seen recently in the paper you know a few other celebrities have come out with their their drinking issues and stuff like that and it's raking it okay because the stigma has changed and I know that you've been in recovery a long time and you know it was different back then like what was about like back then when you decided to make the changes well let's see I was about 19 years old when I first realized that I was really in trouble I my parents divorced when I was 2 years old and my father it's well known that my dad was you know a very very very bad drug addict and he was addicted to heroin for 30 years and I saw firsthand the devastation of drugs and alcohol in families and I actually saw things that no child should ever see syringes around the house blood on the walls you know I saw my father go into cardiac arrest in front of me I you know it's crazy stuff and you ever saved yourself that'll never be me then like I'll never do that I always said I never ever ever ever try drugs you know I'm never gonna do that and then of course as soon as I became an adolescent and hit high school my friends were like you know let's go here and let's do this and let's score something here and I caved in I came to peer pressure and I think hooking up with you know like a dealer and like my dealer was my boyfriend and it was just a total nightmare was like I spiraled out of control and I realized I think it was the 4th of July weekend of 19 seven I think it was where I really looked in the mirror and literally I was that color I was green I said I'm gonna die I am going to die if I continue down this path and I realized that I had a choice either I was going to pull my life together and I was going to start making smart choices or I was just going to continue down this path of destruction and I'd probably end up dead so yeah I mean it's great 19th pretty impressive but you also probably grew up I mean you must have China's mother and father a jhana Michelle Phillips from the Mamas and the Papas very sex drugs and rock and roll you know Topanga Canyon Laurel Canyon you know hanging out with the Beach Boys hanging out with the doors and her parents were divorced when she was 2 and I loved telling the stove at her parents were divorced when she was 2 and her mother went on to live with Warren Beatty for four years and she lived with Jack Nicholson for three years and she married Dennis Hopper for a couple of weeks and she dated Mick Jagger on and off and I thought she dated Nureyev but apparently I was wrong she was in a movie yeah and so when I told Chyna that I had the same mother and father and I went to the state I lived in the same I grew up in the same house and I went to the same school system my whole life because she went to like 15 different schools in 12 years and I said I have the same parents that lived in the same house I went to the same school system my father was my little league coach and he was my Cub Scout master she went into the kitchen and she got Reynolds a Reynolds Wrap and she rolled the Reynolds Wrap into an engagement ring and she came into the living room when she got on her knees and she proposed say that again I mean it was almost like foreplay burns like your dad was what he was my little league coach she was mighty was my Cub Scout leader and she just thought and ironically you know I thought her family was crazier than mine and my my family's craziness came into full bloom during our 25 years together and we kind of jumped the Philip's shark and we became like it's a photo finish with whose families were crazy it's really like they're bad we're bad we're neck-and-neck right now I would say we've got you I think I think we've got shot by it by a length we've got you but it's it's been that's part of the Ricky and Lucy nature of our relationship but I wanted to tell us when I was I was in an elevator once and I was not imagine that Simone elevator once in yeah I was at Madison Square Garden and soon-yi and Woody Allen are on the elevator and Catherine zeta-jones and Michael Douglas are on the elevator and Patty Hansen and Keith Richards are on the elevator and me yeah and we were at a Knicks game and it was halftime we were going up to this VIP lounge she's go have a drink during halftime and Patty Hansen who's like the ultimate like rock and roll chick like groupie of all time right I mean Keith Richards girlfriend for 40 years now or something and she looks at me and she goes she goes like no one's noticing as she goes she's mouthing it are you Billy and I go yeah she goes you're with Chyna I go yeah and she elbows Keith and she goes honey this is Billy Baldwin the actor he's one of the baldwin brothers he kind of pretended like he knew what the hell she was talking about and she goes honey you don't get it he's married to China all of a sudden he comes over he hugs me he says I can't believe it I knew she was gonna be a huge star I'm a huge fan tell her tell her I miss her I haven't seen her since she's a little girl and I have a record and just tell her I said congratulations and there's she's so talented I knew that she was gonna be a big star how is John doing and I go well the good news is his body he's off the immune suppression medication his body is fully accepted his new liver and he's going to survive the liver transplant I said the bad news is we're getting some bad information that he's out there running pretty hard right now and right in the middle of it goes man well well he's like man that cat he ran way too hard for me I couldn't even hang out with him anymore Michael Douglas had like one of those little plastic cups with like a rum and coke in it and he went to take a sip and it went in his mouth out his nose and strained Woody Allen was like this on the elevator floor like hold on one moment we were crying laughing Patti Hansen was crying laughing and Keith looked around like I guess that was pretty funny I'm like dude dead man walking basically said Chyna's father was like a bad influence it's fake and he told me he said 'keep he said Nick used to say I need 48 hours notice if John's coming to London to write with us I need to I need two days notice to get out of town I don't want to be here so this is what I married into what you married crazy to a little bit so you know I mean obviously we know that mental health issues affect one in five North Americans and you know some of that affects us directly and and obviously your family has quite a history of addiction in it as well so what it was like for you you know grab where or watching your brothers or family members struggle with addictions and how did that impact you because there's lots of people in this audience that have had people struck well two stories come to mind one is this story if you want to share part of it with with both Tamra and McKenzie and I have a story of my brother Daniel it's my brother whose name is Tamara Lee but we all call him Tam it's very eccentric name he's a wonderful wonderful human being and he lived with me for about four years from the time I always know I was about 12 they have the same father no this other biological mother because my dad drug addiction was so horrible and with his wife Genevieve so she got custody over my little brother and I became very very very close to my little brother but unfortunately by the time he was around our way we noticed everybody thought he was really high at our wedding and it was it was the early signs of bipolar schizophrenic and we could tell very well around the time he was up 23 that the erosion was starting to really happen in his brain and it was really really really difficult for me because I just have such a deep love for my brother and I felt so out of control because there you're watching you're watching somebody who you love and who you grew up with and who you adore and who you would do anything for basically dismantle right in front of your eyes I mean he you know he was having trouble putting sentences together he had terrible hygiene I'd walk into his house and there would be feces in the sink and he was incapable of feeding himself he'd get down you know 2530 pounds and it was just an awful thing to have to watch and so I felt I felt handcuffed I felt like I didn't know what to do i I didn't know how to get the help that my brother needed and people just became paralyzed they just we just did it the whole family became paralyzed we really just didn't know what to do we're all in such shock and thank God my husband sort of came to the rescue and you you really took the initiative to come in and find out the facts what does my brother need what what is available to him what medical options do we have and thank God a sort of stepfather to my brother as well came in and the two of them were like Superman and brought Robin no Robin Robin Batman and they just came in and they were able to sort of get my brother 5150 and they were able to get the courts to agree to get him into a facility and yeah we had to do a conservatorship and the slippery slope with a conservatorship in the courts is they say he has to be a danger to himself or others and if he's not we can't do anything yeah well then you sit there with a clicking a ticking clock saying okay let's just wait around until he's a danger to himself or others and literally like a year and a half later he attacked his mother and he tackled her to the ground and he grabbed her by the throat and he started choking her and he didn't come he scared her he didn't even really physically hurt her that badly and then his mother I was like that's it the door opened we're moving in now this is this is the moment we've been waiting for you know and all he had to do was like threaten suicide and what if we could have documented that we would have been fine but we moved in and his mother all of a sudden she does a great impersonation of Genevieve can you do it when she talked about his I'm like Genevieve who cares we've been waiting for this for a year so we we got him he was arrested we put him in a county facility we went into the courts we did the conservatorship we had him medicated against his will and I'm very happy to report fifteen years later he's totally self-sufficient he lives on his own he has a job he's in Brooklyn and he has a job and he's working on his own yeah and I had an incident where my I have a brother who's you know got five children four marriages four divorces in and out of rehab numerous times he's doing great now he's opening up he's gonna be the oh he's been working in with interventions and rehabs for a couple of years later very well he's gonna open a facility I believe pretty soon he's making a move to do that now you know it's been a relation he was my closest sibling growing up I've been for 30 years I've been kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop what waiting for the phone to ring she's seen me cry about it where I'm like you know when everybody called whenever anybody calls me but the first thing to say is like oh did you hear about Daniel and there the next sentence is oh we got another movie oh my god that's not what I was expecting to say my heart starts skipping is I'm waiting for them to tell me that you know he's gone and I remember one time we had to do an intervention on him and he was doing a television series in Baltimore called homicide life on the streets he got fired from that job and I remember he was living in a house and I walked into the house his wife left his wife told me and said you know you got to come in and take care of this and I walked in and I'm telling you if I wrote this in a script everyone would say like that's the problem in Hollywood they always put stuff in movies it never happens in real life like that's like impossible that couldn't have happened and I walked in and there was dirty laundry everywhere piles of dirty laundry like in the kitchen in the living room up the stairs on the landing in the bedroom in the hamper everywhere but the washing machine there was takeout everywhere Chinese pizza boxes like food rotting everywhere and my brother had two bullmastiffs and there was feces everywhere like and he was he was so paranoid he was afraid to go out the front door to walk his dogs and every window had the blinds drawn and he had gaffer taped like electrical tape the blinds shut so that no one could come up to the window because he thought I maybe dealers or whatever he thought people were after him but he was so high and so up that he was like that delusional and that paranoid I come in I'm looking for him I'm yelling his name he's not there start cleaning I start piling up all the laundry of separating the darks yeah I'm doing the darks from the lights I'm throwing out the pizza boxes I start doing the dishes I'm picking up all the like poop and I'll send my hear Daniel and I hear this noise and he had this big like giant reclining chair like a jocks orgy like the big flats moving the big chair and a couple of remotes and it was tilted back with the feet up against the wall in like the corner where the two walls meet and I'm like Daniel and I walk over there and literally crouch down in the corner of the walls with his head against the wall sleeping with aluminum Easton baseball bat clutched in his hands you sweat profusely profusely profusely pouring down his face and like 30 pounds lighter than he was I'm like missing a tooth you know he's behind the chair I know you all have your stories and I know that that it gets really dark for many of you too but I got to tell you it please tell me he got another movie but he's gone to some dark places and I remember one time he came out of he was gone he literally was gone for months he was nobody knew where he was for a couple of months and I took him to a Yankee game they were playing the angels and we're in Anaheim and I took Yankee game and I love the way I just loved the way what a bunch of incredible bullshitters they are I mean they're like pathological liars and every time they up the bar they can't like they draw the line in the sand here and the next time they tell a lie it's got to be a bigger mind because if it's not a bigger line I'm more absurd lie you're like never gonna believe it so I see him for the Yankee game I haven't seen him in three months nobody knows where he's been and he walks up to me hugs me and he says I've got stage 4 liver cancer I've got six months to live well that was 70 years ago I took him to the game and I'm sitting in the seat in the game I'm watching like Mariano Rivera on the mound and also them like going like just hunch and yet only Koller because they look at him and he's lost a lot of weight his skin looks horrible he's eyes are jaundice his skin looks like he's been having chemotherapy in look terrible so I'm like how sick is that his old brother sitting there going he's full of crap he's full of crazy doesn't have cancer he's lying to me and sure sure enough this is like a seven eight years ago he was lying he told me he had three months to live and he was gonna be dead in three months so that I wouldn't go after mistake you know but you have children and all this he he didn't want the confrontation and said please don't say anything because I'm gonna die so you know you bring up a good point of you made a comment earlier to when we were talking and and I know you have two teenagers and eleven-year-old at home and we've got some family history of crazy and I mean I respectfully cuz I'm one and some family history of crazy you know deal worry and we also know the two biggest contributing factors in at least in addiction world is genetics and environment you know what do you guys do worry a bit about your children and then well the genetics part is terrifying because there's really nothing you can do about that other than try and create a stable loving nurturing you know home with good structure and that's about it because if it's in their genetics you just got to hope and pray that it never manifests difficult for them because they had obviously hear about your history it's available online yeah I mean we don't really talk so much about the psychological part of it because we don't want to scare them but we talk more about the facts like you know it's different for you if you go to a party and pick up a beer it's different for you than it would be for Johnny or Susie it's very it's very possible that you could have the addictive gene and the minute you pick up that beer your brain could go you know alert alert I need more I need more now and then you won't be able to stop and it's it's not always you know it's some it's a slow progression sometimes it's not overnight alcoholic you know it's just you go to that party and then a couple weeks to go to the next one and then the next thing you know you go from drinking to you know it's the gateway you go from drinking to smoking pot and then from pot to cocaine and then from cocaine to heroin whatever it is always upping the ante to try and chase the same fish Pharmaceuticals are the big problem the kids are having both farm farm parties you hear these farm parties where they do they steal their parents pharmaceuticals they go in and they throw them all in a bowl and the kids all reaching the bowl just take whatever they don't even know what they're taking it's only twenty five percent of kids of stolen medication from their fans but China was just touching on something that I think is very interesting and very important I don't know obviously neither of us are doctors I don't know what can be done as to to head off the genetic the genetic portion of this we know that addiction is is in many cases nature and in other cases it's nurture there's nurture there's contributing factors that have to do with nurturing and I just think that we could go a long way with this whole discussion with mental illness and with with addiction if parents were doing a better job in particular if dads were doing a better job with their kids moms you know I don't mean to make this more of a problem for dads but it really is more of a problem it has you know and I think if dads we're doing for their children what my wife is doing for our children where there's there is emotional intimacy in connection and there is one-on-one time I think it's it's pouring a foundation of concrete and I'm not saying there's not gonna be problems there's gonna be problems they're coming we don't know what they are we don't know what they you know we don't know how bad it's gonna be who's gonna desert I got a 16 year old daughter it's early she threw a kegger at that she's probably gonna kegger right now you know you know we I just think that that I think parenting it's like we got to get back to parents doing the jobs that your parents did for this generation that's in this room the parents that were raising kids in the 50s and the 60s and 70s you know everything's changed now because we went from a single income family where one parent worked in one parent stay-at-home and nurtured and then all of a sudden that was the norm and my mother started working in the seventies and that was the exception and not the rule and now double income families are the norm which is cool but you got to find out you got to find a way to to make sure you're instilling the proper values and you really have a connection with your children because if you don't there's gonna be a whole heap of trouble for you when you're when the kids are 15 20 25 years old it doesn't have to be like an avalanche of time I mean sometimes I just take ten minutes to talk to my my son before he goes to bed when his defenses are down you know and he's just sort of had a long day and he's tired and just said and I rub his feet I know that sounds ridiculous but I do like you know what they talking they giggle for like I grab some cream we don't grab some cream and I just he takes his socks off after a long basketball game and I'll rub his feet and you love it it feels great you know and sometimes I get something out of him sometimes I don't but even just that little pearl of like oh you know Carter did something yesterday that really pissed me off and like let's talk about it you know it's like that's I get so excited when I just get that little girl in that little window into his go for a scoop of ice cream you take the dog to the beach just China and one of the kids are me and one of the kids and just try to have that connection that we started talking about you know having that connection and having instilled in their lives makes such a difference I got my signal to move towards the audience and maybe we get a couple of questions from the audience so if there's anyone with a burning desire interesting choice of words for those of you that know what I was saying there that has a question out there that would like to ask Billy or China within reason otherwise I'm gonna after come up with another one myself because I've got someone up there we go Bobby someone's not gonna be brave enough to ask a question all thank you appreciate it here we go you got a mic got a mic over here so I won't in here okay yes he is and he resisted taking his medication for quite some time but then my brother figured out a way to my other brother my older brother figured out a way to send it to the other I won't say exactly I'll tell you after but we right we have a way yeah cuz my brother lives part time at an ashram in Brooklyn so he gets a lot of relief from meditation and prayer and yes yes meditation and prayer have a huge part of his life unfortunately sometimes he can fixate on his guru and stuff and kind of go off on a banter about that but you know it's a lot better than it was 15 20 years ago so super highly functional very highly yeah I don't see any hands all last lap good there's one over here and over here have a mic here or just yell it and I can repeat it right over here and we'll go with a lady first and then this gentleman good yes delighted that you were here this evening thank you for that what I just want to say that as an indigenous person in Canada that we're doing a great deal of work on reconciliation and a lot of different kinds of things with the truth of Reconciliation Commission and a lot of conversations are going on and I and and I don't want to be I don't know how to actually say this but I am kind of delighted to hear you speak and I wish that our communities could hear you speak because you sound like us in so many ways and I've kind of delighted that it's you know because a lot of people look at indigenous community and people in it and say oh I don't what's wrong with these people I mean why are they struggling so much and what's with all the addictions but it's nice to hear that actually other people are struggling you know in in some ways just the same that's what really struck me as I was listening to you I was thinking you know people should be hearing this I mean really you know because you know we're all in this together every culture suffers you know I just came back from a conversation in Gary today and I was saying to people the people that I was talking to all these students 97% of the population of this country and and of course the Americas suffer from some kind of trauma whether it's a birth trauma death of a parent or sexual violence or whatever it might be and the other 3% are lying yeah so we're all in this together that's right I think that it's really important that we really appreciate that and understand that then that when we look at each other you know because here I'm in this room and how many people in this room are indigenous other than Delia and I know Aboriginal people and and so here we are in the middle of all of this conversation and it's like wow you know and so I think we have to have some real appreciation for each other I think we have to be supportive of each other I think we have to recognize that the kids are our future that we all have to be better parents that we all have to be there for each other and we got to stop staring at those phones when our kids are in our immediate vicinity and then and there's so much that we can do together that we can support each other so you're in Canada right now I know you're from the states I lived in the States for a while the Palm Springs California I'm gonna graduated from Palm Springs High we have lots of work to do and if we can reach out to each other and support each other and believe in each other and help each other and understand that we're all in this together that we all suffer in so many various different kinds of ways I think we're gonna make both of our countries that much better so thank you could we get this mic out of here is that mic on is it on yes we're good we're hot hi guys I just want to thank both of you guys for your for your humor and your vulnerability right and I think it's really been revelatory for me to listen to you and to watch you and I've been with you throughout the day going from media opportunity to media opportunity and something you guys touched on and I think it was sort of the nature-nurture piece and Andrew maybe you've got some idea on this but I was watching something with Gabor maté a who's that he's a doctor in Vinc and he's done a lot of work in Vancouver's lower lower east and ER wherever that is where there's a lot of heroin addiction that that there's a genetic component but that often doesn't play out in a loving family it's magnified massively though when there's trauma yeah I've heard the numbers like 40 fold increase in addiction with people that have traumatic backgrounds and you know so that resonates with me what you guys were saying and I don't know if you've got any thoughts on that yeah I mean I think genetics does play a role that's some degree and I know Gabor quite well and it doesn't work with them you know the other piece is environment which is exactly what Gabor is talking about and you know if you're if you're growing up in an environment where there's a lot of trauma the divorce can be can be traumatic death in the family grandparents time parent dying we trauma is such a broad range it doesn't mean I had to be you know sexually assaulted at 12 by my teacher or something which is which is you know happens but it can be so so broad and you know it affects all of us differently some people can hand something you'll deal with that stress or deal with that trauma differently others you know we all use least for me alcohol drugs because they work right the problem is you used the way you know I did at least eventually it stops working and becomes a bigger problem than the problem I'm trying to cope with so you know but yeah I mean they work good borders and stuff is is great and and I think environment plays a huge role in trauma of course as big a role as anything including genetics yeah I think that a lot of people whether they can define it or not are sort of looking to heal that desperate place within themselves whether it's loneliness or fear or insecurity or abandonment and however we choose to you know put a put a bandaid on it everyone sort of has their their different form of doing it it could be shopping it could be sex it could be food it could be drugs it could be you know there's just it's endless really now there's this whole epidemic of children cutting themselves so you know the list is just so long and unfortunately it just comes down to this quiet desperation in people and in an adolescence and in children where they want to feel loved they want to feel that connection they want to feel it and unfortunately it's a busy world and we don't always have the time to for one another I mean when was the last time you got a handwritten note you know when was the last time you sat down with somebody for lunch and it went on for two and a half hours you know what I mean it's it's those things are dying off and I think it's our responsibility because we did live in a time where there were no cell phones we did live in a time where you couldn't just send an email and you know it's our obligation to keep that alive you know a handwritten note just to make that personal touch just to reach out to somebody you know to be able to say let's have lunch and let's have a 3-hour window where we can just sit down and really talk because unfortunately there's like the doorknob issue it's like Oh or lunch is up oh and I'm getting a divorce or oh my lunch is up you know it's time for us to go and you know you know my my daughter's talked about wanting to commit suicide last week it's just we're living in such a busy treadmill world and it's really important to take the time to stop because the real life happens in the moment that's where real life exists and so many of us are racing including myself racing rushing around and there's no real life happening so I think it's a matter of slowing down and taking time to really nurture the people around us but the beauty is that when when we take the time to slow down we're actually giving ourselves the greatest gift or giving ourselves the greatest gift by being able to connect with our own souls our own self and to be able to make that connection with our loved ones that they are so desperately seeking you know just being present I wanted to try and find out if there was a way for China and I to create like to become like the Tony Robbins of [Music] like slowing down simplicity being present being in the moment because she's like a fifth degree black belt at this stuff I am always on the productivity treadmill I've got my action list of like 50 things that are always on it every time I cross five things off it grows like another 15 things and I'm always never taking the time to smell the flowers in the moment when it's happening like I'm doing right now with you and I'm so appreciative that I'm enjoying this moment so much with you I'm always like so far behind that by the time I get something done it's like thank God you finally got that done you're already two weeks behind on these other ten things and I'm never enjoying it's not that I'm getting better about being present and enjoying the moment in the moment at that time like because it creates like a soul famine literally were hungry we're starving for that type of connection it's it's what we all want we're human you know so we live in this tech age we live in it and we have to live with it and there's no going backwards and it's well there is there's gonna be a backlash against it yeah it's gonna be a backlash my next question is going to come from the beautiful person who invited thank you DeeDee invited us here today and she's pulling this event together thank you [Music] well take really good care yourself because obviously you really don't have control over what ends up happening to your loved ones as much as we don't want to believe that obviously that's the truth and so you just put you just do the footwork you just you know put one foot in front of the other and what's that serenity prayer God me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference that is powerful because there are things we can't change of course yeah my excited we've had what they could walk at it we we tried interventions they've been successful they they haven't been successful and you know a lot of times we get all we can't do the work they have to do the work we can get behind them and and and and give them a lot of love and support while there while they're doing the heavy lifting and we could love them and support them along the way and and you know they have to hit their buddies I'm speaking all these AAA cliches but they have to hit bottom and unfortunately sometimes bottom is on the wrong side of mortality you know sometimes people hit thought autumn is dead sorry bottom is that sometimes people hit bottom and hit and and recover and sometimes their bottom is you know it's you know we've gone through that a lot with friends and family and but where is their bottom where is their bottom she's very smart about with with Tamerlan we we talked we strategized and literally the courts wouldn't allow us to do anything till he was a potential harm to himself or others or he had harmed himself or others and we sat around for a year and a half waiting for him to do something and then thank God he tackled his mother of the ground and I was like there's our opening we got to do it now we have the same issue up here getting people well look we've gone way over and I got people freaking out over there so you know as as a recovering addict - when I think back 15 years ago he used to brush his teeth in the shower because I didn't want to look in the mirror because he felt so much shame I appreciate and wish that there were more people like you who are speaking about it back then because it may have made me to ask made it might have made me ask for help a little bit earlier so I and I would say that that I've been to a lot of events like this and of course Awards have to be given out his speeches have to be given but this format with us having this dialogue like this was was a real pleasure for me so thank you thank you [Applause] you

Channel: Healthy Minds Canada

Views: 46,401

Rating: 4.8761611 out of 5

Keywords: billy baldwin, chynna phillips, andrew galloway, interview, fireside chat, td, silver dinner, healthy minds canada, charity, gala, toronto, event

Id: gKdSowWw7EA

Length: 47min 46sec (2866 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 02 2016