[Laughter] First impression? He's so short! [Laughter] It was my imagination, maybe because I saw a photo of his top half not a full-sized photo. Then, I was thinking, "He's very tall." B: She didn't know she was getting married to a dwarf. [Laughter] [In Mandarin] My first impression of her was already very good. Very gentle, very virtuous. I thought he was not bad, okay. I didn’t expect my future husband to be very handsome. If he was honest, that was enough. [In Malay] We only met during the time of our solemnisation. My husband was 41 years old, I was 21 years old. When my husband passed he was 61. I didn’t really think of anything. It’d be okay as long as he took good care of me and was honest. On my wedding day, it felt like if we feel that Allah (God) has given us a good partner we’ll just accept it. Doesn’t matter if they’re old or young as long as they are good people. I wasn't forced to marry her. It just happened that I was getting a bit old so I thought it was the right time to get married. My sister-in-law's sister is related to him She talked to my parents (about arranging a marriage) and my parents said, "We will see." She said, "No, trust me." My sister’s neighbour. He spoke to my father “Salimah, I have a friend like this, do you want him?” So I said I wanted him. Last time, during my time I didn’t go out a lot or have many friends so whatever offer we had we just took it. X: At that time matchmaking was quite common It wasn’t frowned upon. Unlike in the feudal era when arranged marriages were a must. We still had the freedom to love. If we weren’t satisfied with the match we could reject it. That’s still okay, you know. B: Our photos were exchanged and when I saw her photos I said, "Alright. I'll accept. She's the one I'm going to get married to, that's it." I didn't have any other thoughts about it I just wanted to go ahead with this marriage and make it work, that's all. I was a kampong (village) girl So my relatives - some, they were angry some weren't angry. They said, "(Singapore is) so far from India nobody will be there for her so if there's any problem who will she look for?" I said, "You've chosen (Balbir) already so it's okay for me. Whatever God has written in my fate I will accept." B: Her god, I think, telephoned her and said "Oi. He's the right guy for you." [Laughter] Her brother was against our marriage, because he said "Foreigners, you don't know them. They're not like people from India. When we were going to register our marriage he asked me on the way "Okay, you've seen me already. You want to marry me, it's up to you. You want to go back, it's up to you. It's your decision." Then I was thinking, "What is he talking about? I've come so far for marriage then he tells me, 'You want to go back, can go back.'" Then I said, "No. I came here to get married, not to go back." You asking me the question? I was eager to get married. [Laughter] Yes. J: In love with each other.
B: We were in love. People in the olden days, once we kissed the hand we accepted the person. Once we were wedded (our partners) would be the ones to take care of us till the end. I knew that I had a husband to care for. The love comes after. At the time of our marriage, my husband was a photographer. After he married me, I still had to wait in his studio to take my photo because he had prior appointments. He took his wedding jacket off, and started working. Only took our wedding photo after everything. After he married me, he just put me at home. Yes, my husband isn’t a romantic person. Even after 40 over years of marriage I haven’t even received a blade of grass or flower before Only if his friend tells him to kiss me then he’ll be (more romantic), during a special event Producer: Only when someone asks you to kiss her then you will? Yes, he won’t (on his own). Producer: Okay, uncle, can you kiss her? Can you show us? [Laughter] B: In fact, I Don't like her. I told her, "I don't believe in love." Because, "love" nowadays, I think people are using (the word) everywhere "I love this, I love that." I think love is more about doing things for people you love keeping them happy B: (making sure) they're doing well with you
J: You're doing good things for the other person. they're getting along with you. That's love. What will I not do for her? At first, I wasn’t used to it, because it was my first time at his place and maybe the way we got along was different in front of his family and I felt a bit afraid too. After more interaction, it was okay After marriage you're seeing each other every day every single second That is where your real life starts. His habit is just watching TV. He's like one kind he doesn't do housework or anything. J: I do it.
B: Orh horh. Plumbing and all that, who does that? Tap leaking, who fixes that? That one happens once in a while only. J: Not every day.
B: Once in a while. J: Daily, daily work. After eating, he won’t clear the bowls. He’ll just leave it there and walk away. He is like this probably because he's the only male child so we will be more understanding towards him, won't we? During that time was this. Food. She was a vegetarian. One day she told me, "Alright, I'll start eating meat." I told her, "I'm not forcing you." Because his whole family was eating meat. So I was the lone vegetarian Then I said, "Okay, I will try." So for the first time, I bought her frog legs. She ate. She liked it. And I asked her "How was that chicken?" I said, "What? Chicken, right?" He said, "No, it's frog." Huh? I just like to see the expressions she has on her. [Laughter] But he’s not bad. He’s pretty decent, he won’t quarrel with you. When you nag at him, he won’t argue back. He’ll just let you talk, he has a good temper. We can see from his person that he doesn’t speak aggressively. He is gentle. Likes to help people, whoever needs help my husband. When we had cousins or couples who had trouble moving out he was willing to go from Kembangan to Toa Payoh. So all my children and relatives still remember him. They say, “It is very hard to find an uncle like him, Uncle Ismail”. Until now. I believe it. We followed our fate, right? We just went for matchmaking and we could continue together. We were meant to be together. Whatever is yours, will be yours, right? X: It’s like everything has been arranged. Everything will go on smoothly. Yes. For every person in the world Allah will give you a partner. Some of us haven’t come to terms with that yet in our hearts. For some of us, they are only friends now. But there is a partner for everyone. God will give. Are you looking for other ones? Not only one? [Laughter] Well I'm already stuck with her. So she's the only one. Stuck. Stuck with me. Naturally, she has already given me kids. You're the only one with me now. Yes. I believe. He's the right person for me. There will always be arguments but if you understand and tolerate each other then everything will be fine, I feel. Nobody’s perfect, right? I feel that divorce should be the final resort if there are no options left. We’ve never thought about divorce. In the past, people would never get divorced no matter how much they suffered they would think of their family and children. Maybe it’s because it’s a different era now. Maybe for us then we didn’t have any financial power so we could not think of all these. No, no. I know that once I am married it is for the rest of my life. Nowadays, a lot of people are very fierce. Now wives are fierce, husbands are fierce. During my time, we were gentle, patient and loving. There were no arguments no talking back to each other. Any other issues, we would fix it by ourselves. No need to tell other families. In the end, we are the ones with the problems. There are times when she'll she'll get on my nerves and irritate me. So I just have to "mumumumumum" and keep quiet. If I'm really wrong then after we've already calmed down, then I'll apologise to her. Give and take. You have to, you want to live life with that person you cannot just simply say, "Oh, no way." You cannot do that. Understand or not? You cannot change the person you have to change yourself first. Marriage is like a promise, right? So I'll take care of you, you'll take care of me. That's it. If you think that, in the future you might not get along and you want to get a divorce don't get married. After marriage, you'll have a big family so you will learn how to deal with people and problems. You’ll need to have a big heart. Don’t be too chauvinistic. Sometimes we should just help our wives whenever they need it. We need to have mutual respect. We should also not be stubborn with our opinions. Don't hide things from each other. Yes, sometimes you can, you do but after a while you can tell the person "Yes, I did these things." Clear it with that person. Don't hide and keep it in that will make a big gap (between couples). Be patient and loving. For one thing, if my husband was angry when I came back from visiting my neighbours no matter where I went I would just laugh. Just laugh ah. So when I laughed, he too would not get angry but instead calm his heart down. If we are muslim, we should chant in our hearts. If people are angry before they get angry We chant. So when we chant, even the angered will be calmed. B: I think she will.
J: I will say yes. I will say yes. But if it comes down to the children and the children have their own way to live life maybe I'll remove it. Who am I to run their lives? They have their own lives to run. So let it be. Nowadays, if we find partners for them if anything happens, they will blame me. In this era, if the kids can go find a partner by themselves, it’s better. My son got married past 40. We also recommended for him to meet some girls. Like for me, I would tell him which girl is good but my son never listened. If he’s happy (with his decision), then it is okay. We just feel that their character and personality must be very good. Must be able to grow old together with you, then it’s okay. Marriage should be your ultimate goal in life. You’ll have more of a perfect life. Having children, a wife, like a family. I don't know whether I love her or not. "Oi! Come here!" [Laughter] That is how she calls me. Yes, I'll accept (his answer). Yes, I love him. Yes, we love each other. [Laughter] He has passed away for, how many years? As old as Hamid and Hakim (my sons). 41 years. Inshallah (god willing) I still have love for him and I still remember him. Don’t need photos. Like this. When the children, grandchildren and in-laws gather. Alright, hugging and showing love. That’s the time I remember. Still have love, still remember him. Do you still love him? Of course, I still love him. I want to be with him for a lifetime till our hairs grow white. I hope if there is a next life I can still marry her as my wife. Let's pose Oh my god. [Laughter] Do you want that? He closes his eyes?
