'Evolve Sis, EVOLVE' w/Cora Jakes!

[Music] [Music] go coming up next on the Jeff krly show you'll meet the hosts of a very powerful podcast it's called hurt heal evolve their story thank you for coming into the studio uh ta I why don't you start start by talking about what the show is about so the show is hurt he'll evolve and um hello hello hello hello ladies hello how's everybody doing everybody good everybody good it's been a day but we are here thank you for joining the H heel evolve podcast I am taquana your host and I am am accompanied by these beautiful ladies we are going to be continuing our conversation we had you know we had a series so it was a hurt heal evolved series we talked about our hurt we talked about our healing and we had to have our girl Pastor core of Jake come in and walk us into this evolving season that we're about to walk in but before we get into this conversation I want to catch up on a couple of Clips just in case you didn't catch the previous episode of the heel right now it's it's a daily process um healing is something that you walk out it doesn't just happen and it's over and you say I've dealt with that and I'm beyond it healing sometimes the uh the scab can come off even if it's really very well uh healed over yeah and so I think where I am big picture is like I said then I've really moved past the pain that they caused specifically and I'm dealing more with how does this impact now my everyday life and how I interact with the people in my life and I have to give um room to myself I have to give myself Grace to know that this is not just a quick process you know um this is something that's long goinging I think this is like this is going to last all of my life where I'm continuing to go through this healing process I don't think it's just something where you say okay I'm Healed okay I'm that's it I'm great no I think because we have in life we have reminders of certain things you know we have triggers you know I know that I do you see them in a different space and I know this is hard for a lot of people you don't want to have uh Grace and and understanding for your Predator but y'all yeah that's all I can say when you really try to get that maybe your Predator all day you was hurt and all they did was get hurt so that's why they hurt you and you were just happened to be that one it was going to be somebody you just happen to be that one when you realize they didn't know what they were doing I'm like my mom came from another country she didn't know America was she was trying to figure it out so if I see it from that way I don't feel like you purposely tried to ruin my life no you were tring your best so now that we're evolving into this season I'm going to go straight to Pastor cor and ask her I know that there's stages we talked about the stages um the evolving stage how do you get there um H well it it's interesting because I feel that evolving is different for everyone and so depending on the trauma you've experienced depending on the hurt you've experienced you handle evolving differently but if I had to do an acronym I would say that it's about embracing your Victory obeying God listening and viewing everything differently so changing your perspective is what's going to help you to evolve embracing that you're Victorious ious over the victimization that comes with your trauma is going to help you to evolve obeying God in the times where you don't want to is going to help you to evolve and then just listening having an ear I think so often we are talking too much we can't hear God yeah and so you can't evolve if you're not willing to listen okay yeah I think that's probably a problem for me I don't know about you ladies but I I don't like to listen I think my mom can attest to that but I know um if she can attest to it I know for sure um God can cuz sometimes we just want him to hurry up and do what he's going to do um Give Me A Sign give me something and a lot of times God is silent and I think he wants us to be that way too lendia I have a question for you um you got emotional you're my emotional girl me and you are like Spirit me into emotional spiritual gangster I'm like oh yeah know but it's all right it's all right so where are you at in your evolving stage because I remember you shared um the mom and daughter relationship um are you on a on the track to evolving are you in your evolving stage defin or have you sassed it you think I think I'm still in the evolving stage cuz like you know I think like even like at some point my mom will call and then it I will be kind of annoyed and I'm like why why am I annoyed right so I'm not fully involved if I'm already annoyed because I don't even know what she's gonna ask but in my mind the back of my mind I'm like she has a request but I'm like no no don't be like that right God don't do us like that so that's Ving is like you can't go at things the same way just because you know it's going to be like you know that but you can't handle it with that same regarding with that lack of patience right so yeah I'm involved because I'm learning to be patient and you know I've been surprised even today she called me hey she was a be I said you know what if I would have gave you attitude it would have been me it's funny how that works because I would have been upset at you for you calling me with the attitude with request but then look at me I'm the one with an attitude that you can't anticipate that it's going to go one way that it's going to go one way CU it has before so yeah I'm definitely involved I thank God for it yeah but patience and silence that's what the Lord has been telling me that see just just listen yes just cuz it's been revealed literally the moment that he's like wait for it and then and then it'll literally just happen like a movie in front of me I'm like well okay okay Okay Lori what about you uh I think evolving is ongoing because we are always changing who I am today is not who I was six months ago and it's not who I'll be in six months um but the hardest part for me on evolving was the piece cor talked about perspective yeah um one thing I find when you get stressed it's easy to go back to the perspectives you had before they're defaults right and it's like muscle memorization you just go back to it but knowing what the perspective should be now based on what you've learned and letting yourself see it differently and embrace seeing it differently and accepting that's a different result I find sometimes that for me is my challenge in evolving because I'm so used to muscle memorization it coming across like this so having to let myself show up differently expect different and then receive the different without thinking is this are you what you you playing me you what yeah exactly exactly accepting what I see and and that's that's been the hardest part of evolving like I said before getting past the hert I'm not hurt by the person necessarily you were hurt there but I mean I moved past that but how am I now and that's that's just been the biggest challenge for me it's been shifting my perspective for my current situation yeah Cora how do you stop going backwards going back to that I call it a safe place cuz although there probably was trauma back then even though probably problems back then it's familiar and it it becomes safe safe in the toxicity and all that because you know it versus not knowing where evolving is going to take you how do you stop from going back to that place making a decision you have to make a conscious decision that you're going to redefine what safety looks like for you yeah what peace looks like for you if if I was in a session I would tell a minty tell me what does safety look like what does that feel like what does it sound like um because a lot of times people find safety in their trauma like you said they find Comfort uh a lot of people get comfortable being a victim and so you have to make a decision like no I'm going to redefine what safety looks like I'm going to redefine what peace looks like I'm going to redefine what trust and Reconciliation and boundaries look like I think if we we set boundaries it would really help us to not go back um because a lot of times we're going back because we refuse to set boundaries and keep them where they are yeah yeah yeah you know something on that that my husband always says to the kids you have to make that decision now when we're teaching them you don't do certain behaviors he says you got to decide now can't wait till you're in the situation you got to decide right now I'm not going to do this and I thought about that when cor said making the decision to be different you had a decide or the the atmosphere presents itself you have to have made that decision ahead of time so you say no I'm not doing that anymore because once it happens it's very easy to go back that's right so and then ask the situation how do you help me so if you're going to go back go back and ask questions right go back and ask how are you going to help my peace how am me going back how is it going to help my joy how's it going to make me stronger if I am going to go back I want to go back and learn something not just sit in the trauma but challenge the trauma to teach me something that's good yeah cuz if you ask those questions you normally come up with and you won't go back yeah if you really but how often do we sit and really assessa we just run back you know what I mean what does your uh safe place look like do do you have what does it look like you know what my safe place is be honestly being guarded to what yeah um and I say that because I don't like to when I when it comes to a time where I'm faced with that past situation um yeah I I completely lose it and so instead of losing it I feel like well I'll just Shield myself I'll just guard myself I won't let this person in you know I won't no no you get you come here and no further but what I've learned with that is I'm not allowing myself the love that could be potentially coming into my life as well um that's that person is trying to show me I've learned a lot from being guarded that Rachel that does not work for you really it does not work for you because a lot of times again it's it's causing you to be fearful you know because there there's that fear you're really fearful when you're guarded you're really scared and God has not given us a spirit of fear and so that's one thing that he's been been working with me on on listen you are not to fear anything and if you trust me you won't have to worry about it anyway but and if you listening just like we you've been talking about listening because that's something big for me because I feel like okay I know what I need to do for I I know what I need to do I know what yeah I know what it's supposed to look like and God has to has been shown me so many times no that didn't work for you did how did that work out for you though it didn't you know it didn't work and so I am he's he's constantly reminding me my ways does not work Rachel's ways does not work so it's best that I am obedient it's best that I do listen without going here you go spilling it out and then you have ruined it and now you're coming right back to me to fix it yeah you know yeah that's why it's so important to listen that's why it's so important to obey Rachel because then you find yourself in a situation where you're going to have to go tell another person that you may have offended I'm sorry yeah I'm sorry I'm sorry lendia good because I spoke when when I should have been listening yeah right you know and that is what we this is what this is all about Sisterhood because the truth of the matter is we do hurt sometimes we do it without even acknowledging what we're doing but the important part of it like the Lord said when you know you have caused an a fault you need to apologize you need to go to that person and correct it and I'm so glad we have a panel here that is able to do that yeah and I'm goingon to so good to okay cuz I don't want to tell person not about to know our personal business here but um it's it's fun God's timing is just awes because we did um we can't be sitting up here trying to um Inspire um motivate or any of that if we're not right if we're not on track to do that so there was we we are women so of course there's going to be you know I not not say schisms but there's going to be hiccups and the friendships and it's important to not let those hiccups go unfixed and we kind of had a hiccup we had a hiccup and to Rachel's Point since she brought it up absolutely to her point there was something there and it had to be fixed and it was and it it was um without getting in our business like I said but um it was just beautiful it was beautiful to see us all get together and it's an evolving moment day that's the if the unsaved Tiana you know unsaved everybody could have have to be it's actually the me me yeah yeah yes no that's that's good no that's good things like way different so be able to stop think listen would would have been here but what we did was and it showed Evolution I think on everybody's part absolutely to be able to say because first of all it's hard when you're the leader of a of a group to say y'all we got to talk about yeah right then it's hard for that's the evolution congratulations it's Evolution say okay I'm sorry that's an evolution another Evolution to say I accept it I feel you s yeah another Evolution to say you know what I knew better this part and I didn't I'm sorry EV all the way around it showed evolving yeah yeah and we didn't even know and we didn't even know it that's what made it authentically true we we figured it out the V happened literally yeah it did yeah so Pastor cor so is there okay I'm not going to say is there because of course there is um can you name something specific without getting into too much detail you can talk about anything you want that you specifically got hurt from you healed or healing it could be hurt hurting heal healing something specific that you don't mind sharing that you that you experience that you've either evolved from or evolving from uh so many things do I have a lot of list but um if I just pick one I think I would just go with the most recent is my divorce um was very sudden uh very traumatic I I won't bore you with the details but it definitely hurt me um the aftermath and the people that came after my divorce to attack me hurt me um um and so it was very difficult to try to heal in a quiet space when everything was so loud yeah um it's it's hard to trust God when you're being stoned yeah and so um it's it's we live in a society where I I believe that we would have thrown our rocks you know like we would have thrown our rocks at that woman um in real life and and that's what I feel like we social media is throwing rocks like literally you're just throwing your stones and so it it was very hurtful um I got through it with therapy Hallelujah um and in time you know it'll be two years that I've been divorced uh just a couple of days ago and I didn't even realize it but my body remembered my heart remembered and so like the whole weekend I was just very emotional and Ling and all of the things and I ask my sister like I don't know what's going on with me and she's like I don't know and then I talk to my therapist on Monday and she was like how are you and I was like what why wouldn't I was wrong and she said it's been two years since your divorce your body remembers this your heart remembers it and I was like that's why I've been in mess yeah all weekend and so even when you have healed your body and heart still remember that hurt and so I had to uh challenge myself to say that it was okay for me to still be hurting and help someone else while I was going through it and I think that's the misconception that a lot of people have they think they have to be totally healed yeah before they can Minister before they can motivate before they can encourage yeah doctor get cold yeah all the time and they go yeah and they get Co and take some time off and all that sometimes we have to take some time off or sometime away and come back and steal that's or know what you can distribute at the time cuz sometime I may not be able to give you advice to this cuz right I'm going through this so no not this but this I got you because I'm I'm still healed past that so I can help you with that but yeah yeah I know the pain you talk about I recognize I've been divorced before and twice I've talked about it um and I was the pastor's grandaughter daughter and the first one I mean the person who I thought was my good friend who I talked about things were falling apart was the very person that was going back behind my back saying everything and everybody just had so much to say so much to say about and it just it felt like a double betrayal it was a betrayal for the marriage to fail because it's the death of something no matter how bad it gets or the reasoning it's the death of something you had a hope for it doesn't mean you still want it but it's the death of something you had a hope for to have your people who know you yeah you think those sometimes are the first ones that yeah and that hurts it's a double you just really feel like oh my God if it rains it pours yes won't leave me alone but there's another side of it yes you evolve past it you learn how to understand that's where they are and leave them there that's right mean by embracing Victory yes because because it's very easy to be like I'm a victim woe is me I'm sad I'm hurting feel sad for me pity me but you can do the other side and embrace that I'm Victorious this didn't break me this didn't kill me this didn't tear me down this did not prevent God's preparation of that part and so I contined to move forward because I understand even more so that even though my enemies are it doesn't pause God's that's right right that's good even though my enemies are present it doesn't come on because they still testifying usually that's yeah assignment it's your enemy's assignment to be present while God is preparing a table for you that's what he said I prepare a table for you in the presence of your enemies he didn't say I stop preparing the table cuz your enemies showed don't he said I'm preparing the table and your enemies are present this means present my preparation that's right yeah and that's a good you should um call that I should preach that I you I can't even sit still come on is on sh about the enemy yeah I I was um when we text the other day I was saying how um so Pastor cor has these Monday motivational I don't know exactly what you call it it's Monday devotional yeah yeah and this past Monday because when I tell you okay so for anyone that knows knows me they know that I'm like a protector especially like if I if I'm a part of something if you're my friend it doesn't matter I'm like 10 toes Dam yes so I have a social media problem and I probably need to talk to you about them I that I try to scroll and I do for the most part I think I've evolved I'm evolving I some of the comments I'm like okay but it it it's that one or two that you just feel like it's totally a asinine comment and it's like oh no hold up cuz you don't even go you know what I mean and you find yourself defending so I need I am saying I need help how do you just stop how do you cuz I still need to be a part cuz I'm I'm I have to well I'm telling you like God checked me um because I feel the same way I'm a ferocious Warrior I fight yeah I have no issues fighting and so if you comment like I'm ready like I like I Am Co I'm ready and so I had to talk to God like what am I supposed to do and he said just keep watch it yeah and I was like what's what do you mean like I I want to say something something I need to talk back I need to tell these people who I am and he said just keep watching and I immediately saw Jesus being crucified my God and all of the people on the side lines watching thinking he was going to be a victim thinking that he was going to be destroyed thinking that he was not going to win he wasn't who he said he was he wasn't the miracle worker he was thinking that he was going to lose but when they just kept watching if you watch to the end you realize that yeah he's in a tomb but he's coming back come on and so there there's this side where I had to say let me stop engaging and entertaining my enemy and let me watch the purpose of God yes and it's painful and it waks you and it crushes you and it doesn't feel good and your friends deny you betray you and the people you healed say you didn't heal them at all and so it's difficult not to respond when you know you're right come on know you're right and you know they wrong and you know they're wrong but God said just watch so I just keep watching it's easy to respond it's easy to react second nature like is difficult to be still and know that I am God and beside me there is no other that's difficult and I I be like wanting to fight with him but he said no hold your peace and I'll fight your battle and I I'm letting them fight the battle and people may be like why isn't she saying anything why isn't she responding that the Lord told me to just keep watching and so that's what I'm going do and there's nothing about when God vindicates you I'm sorry it's anything you can I can just tweet you this or at you this but God can humble you set you down Jud killed himself yes it that that part did Jesus didn't have to do nothing Jesus didn't even tell him to do so yeah Judas killed himself he buried his own [ __ ] yeah he did it all and so your enemies will bury themselves it's when you interact with and engage with them that you prolong your battle that's right cuz if you would just sit back and let them do what they doing they' be dead before you know it and I'm getting a little emotional because you you hear that and it's like okay all right so now I do it and and and this is what I'm going to do but see the enemy knows too the buttons that's right so of course I'mma text you watch that's right yes pleas watch but you know what course for somebody told me something one time it was a professional advice but it it also impacts personal life trust people to be themselves yeah and the people who usually are the ones coming after you are the ones who probably shouldn't be yeah because people in Glass Houses phones but just watch don't say nothing give them me out let them be themselves they are going to be who they are and do what they do that could be very hard especially when you're in a situation like you were s when you know you're innocent when you and you and you're forced to watch the world speak on you and you of something they know nothing about it it brings me back to the time where I was plastered all over the news all over CNN all over yeah yeah it it takes me back there when you have people saying oh she did this she did that she did oh my God look at her now look at this look at that when nobody not one person stood up that knew the truth see that was very hurtful and God told me I said Lord I have a response for everything why is it that I cannot speak for myself and he told me it's like he told you quiet yeah watch just just let me do this and that wasn't easy because I felt that the Lord was not doing anything on my behalf it was quiet nothing was being said but he said no just because I said I was going to do it for you it's not in your time you will see me work you'll see it's not right now and I didn't get that in the beginning because all I kept getting was the slanderous comments and the this and the that and I have to sit here and listen and and look at on Facebook on what people are saying that they have no no knowledge of you know that is oh my God and to know you are innocent y but God he I will turn it around for you he will I will turn you will look like you will not look like what you just came out of you listen been through the smoke but where is the residue and the Lord showed me and he's still showing me yes and I and that was a point in my time in my life where I felt like I cannot I can't come back from this I will never come back from this yeah Lord you you can take me now because I don't see I don't see my life coming back from this at all yeah and he showed me I I it told me I will show you I will show you and he did just that and he's still doing it so I'm so glad that the the topic today is evolving because he's showing me just how much Rachel you are yet evolving from a place that you didn't think I could bring you back from but he did so God is amazing and then was your story you were actually in a physical actually um which is horrible and then we have those mental prisons the ones that no one knows about you're at home by yourself those are the worst yeah um I'll put a pen in that we probably continue that later do we have you guys aren't going to see this but do we have any questions do we have any input does anybody want to say anything from the audience if you do you can pick up a mic and now it is on I do have a couple of questions um if possible so my first question is how do you heal I know we talked about healing last uh session but how do you heal and evolve and still be present right so I'm a first lady I work in Dallas County I'm always working with clients and individuals and marriage and family therapy how do you get better when you can't like step back is that possible oh that's a big word good question um okay so I when I went through my divorce and everything I explained it uh two different ways so as a public figure and a high-profile daughter there are two types of healings so you have the private healing that you have to step back and take care of yourself and get the therapy and do the work and do the homework and cry and scream and holler and do all the things privately and then there is the public healing that the people need to see in order to validate and verify that you have been healed and so you can be present in that healing but in your private healing that's just you that's you that can't be you and the congregation and the staff and the team and the people that need you no that's you in the Cliff of a rock trying to experience the glory of God Amen by yourself and then you go out and say okay I can I can be present enough to heal in front of you yeah until you are able to be present enough to heal in front of them no you can't do all three you have to build that that strength to say okay I can you can throw me out now you can throw me out to the Wolves and the Sheep because your congregation is filled with both yeah okay I would also say I was in um Ministry at that during my divorce time as well one of the things careful is not to hide in the church work to avoid the pain and the hear that's happening because it's very easy when it's hurting especially when you're hurting in your heart as heart to just basically push it down and just serve serve serve serve Ser so you don't have to feel it but it doesn't go away that's true definitely find the way to heal privately do those steps because otherwise you soon yourself for dis serving home okay so what I'm going to do now we have to Rel she say she had a couple oh you had a okay I'm sorry okay okay question um was I I like to be by myself sometimes right but I know how important Community is and Sisterhood and all those things but can you evolve with just you and God or does it I feel like this an odd question but does it have to include others does it have to include a support system I I want to answer this because I team like no for you might see me a lot by myself so I am one of those people you might see a lot by themselves but then I'm really good with people so there's two things I know for sure you can definitely evolve by yourself you can definitely involveed with people because I believe that what you've done in private is going to show with the people so did I fully evolve in private do I know unless I'm with my sister and she offends me and I can be like yeah you I know know that's the true Testament of my evolution is when I'm with others so I do believe that you can evolve personally you may not um like be able to see it right away I will say that's the tricky part about when you're a love because you may not always get to notice the fruits of what you're doing because it's you and God and um but I do believe that it depends on who you are when it's you and God you either might be the quiet person who becomes talk because God is pulling it out of you or you might be the person who you know you find yourself being quiet because you're like okay what are you trying to tell me right if you talk to much like some of us right it's just like the the you and God is more so you being quiet so I do believe you can definitely evolve in both spaces you just have to give yourself the space and time to see that I I would uh agree to some extent um just a little bit of push back I believe that it depends on the level of trauma and struggle you're going through because some things yes is you and God but some things you need a therapist yeah you need a counselor you need to talk to someone who can yank you out of your perspective and say well look at it this way maybe think something different add a word like there there have been times my therapist just added sometimes to a statement that I said and it changed the way that I looked at it and so I think that if you're on a basic level where it's I just you know I'm just trying to heal from like small things that have gone on in my life then absolutely do it by yourself but if you have gone through sexual abuse physical abuse emotional abuse uh sex trafficking any of those things you need to have somebody that is going to stand with you and hold you up um if you're battling depression isolation and loneliness is not the way you feed that and so it's important to know what support system you can lean on depending on what trauma you're going through yeah yeah that's that was good and I totally agree and I was going to say something similar to that and everybody shouldn't be a part of your support distance yeah right while you're on that evolving everybody don't need to come along that's where you have to assess who is it going to benefit is it going to help my evolvement in being there you know what I mean so I think those are things you got to look at too anybody have anything else because I think this can be continued but at all absolutely well I want to thank you for coming and pouring into us we are going to have part two so you just just be be available yeah so thank you all for joining we appreciate you um there will be a part to I'm not going to tell you when but you have to tune in to all the other podcasts to see when this one will return um God bless you and thank you for being a part of the audience thank you all for being on the panel you ladies are beautiful I love each and one so and um we'll see you next time on her heal evolve [Music] bye [Music] woo yeah woo [Music] woo wo go let's go go

Channel: Hurt, Heal, Evolve w/TiQuanna AprayL

Views: 14,634

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Id: gHTHirTNGeg

Length: 36min 23sec (2183 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 16 2024