Some time ago we ranked every home console from
worst to best. Since then we’ve been badgered day and night to give similar treatment to every
handheld console. Well, you can finally stop knocking on the loo door when I’m trying to have
some Ben Time because we’re doing it right now. But first, what is a handheld? It sounds pretty
self-explanatory, but some of the devices on this list have stands. Some of them are strapped to
your head. And some of them you sit on. You’re not supposed to sit on them, but it happens. Point
is, “handheld” is a just a term that has stuck. It really refers to portable game consoles that
are entirely self-contained, requiring no external displays or controllers. Don’t blame me if you
don’t like the term. I don’t like it, either. I would have called them Electric Funboxes.
So how are we ranking them? More or less the same way we handled the previous list. We’ll be
considering the size of the console’s library, its lifetime sales, its price at launch, the
number of years it was officially supported, and the number of games that hold an
average of 90% or higher on Metacritic. There are a few notable exclusions we
should discuss up front. For starters, no “dedicated” handhelds; to qualify for this
list, the unit needs to be able to play more than its built-in games. Additionally, we won’t count
anything that requires another device to use, so no PocketStation,VMU, or eReader.
We also won’t be including handhelds that are designed for emulation. This isn’t
a legal issue; it’s simply that those are a different subject altogether and don’t have their
own libraries. Oh, and no barcode systems, such as Barcode Battler, Skannerz, or Tiger Barcodzz. This
is because barcodes are the mark of the beast and I refuse to go to Hell over this list.
And, finally, we will be combining various versions of what is basically
the same system. That is to say, a Game Boy Color is a Game Boy, a DSi
is a DS, a 2DS is a 3DS…you hear me, Nintendo? Stop trying to take up more
of this list than you already do. Let’s rank ‘em.
I’m Ben,and I’m Peter from TripleJump. And this is every video
game handheld ranked from worst to best. #67: Grandstand Game Wizard (1988)
I don’t know what this is. Peter doesn’t know what this is. The guy who wrote this script – I can’t
remember his name just now – doesn’t know what this is. We can find exactly one picture of the
unit itself. We can find no photographic evidence of a human being occupying the same space as
this thing. Did it only exist on another planet? Depending on how you count, the Game
Wizard had either three releases or six; each of the three cartridges had a different
game on each side. Grandstand as a company released a number of simple LCD units – some
of which qualify for this list, most of which do not – and nobody really kept records of them.
They were considered disposable at the time, and hindsight certainly hasn’t changed that opinion.
We tried, dear viewer. Really, we tried. We couldn’t dig up any information that you
can’t already see from the images on screen. I’d conclude that the thing never existed,
but people do remember playing it. Okay, granted, the only game anyone can remember
playing on it is Candle Cove, but still. #66: Electronika IM-26 (1988)
Don’t you miss the days when games consoles had names like “IM-26”? That’s okay; neither do
we. It makes research a right pain, especially when there’s so little information about a console
to begin with. We do know that Electronika was not actually a company; it was a name applied to
products built by the Soviet Ministry of the Electronics Industry. If that sounds scary and
imposing, it should! Electronika devices were made by the Soviet military-industrial
complex for both business and pleasure. And what pleasure! The IM-26 released
with a grand total of three games, all of which made Game & Watch look like God
of War. Four years later, the Ministry of the Electronics Industry blessed the public
with two more releases. Hail Mother Russia. The IM-26 and its games were never produced in
mass quantities and were not released outside of the USSR, presumably because Disney would
have had something to say about Mickey Mouse being used in games produced by the Russian
government. Sales figures are not available, but according to The Video Game Kraken –
the most reliable cephalopod when it comes to gaming history –it sold poorly and was
abandoned. Somehow, the world kept turning. #65: Grandstand Light Games (1988)
You may remember this device under a different name. If you do, I apologize for bringing back
memories you have rightly suppressed. Depending upon the region, the Grandstand Light Games was
released as the Playtime Products Light Games Color LCD Projector, the Fantastiko Projector
Mega Video Game Color LCD System, and even more ridiculous names for what was basically a torch.
Okay, it’s a bit more interactive than a torch, but not by much. Around 13 games were made for
the unit, and they were of course simple LCD games that you could project onto a flat surface. Well,
we say “could.” Really, you had to project them; there was no screen on the device itself, meaning
if you didn’t have an empty white wall and enough distance in the room for the projector to work
properly, the unit became a luminous paperweight. While the ability to play games on
your wall was a bit of a novelty, the technology of this device was well behind the
times. For some context, the very next handheld console to be released was the Game Boy, and I
don’t think they ported Super Mario Land to this. #64: Tiger R-Zone (1995)
Technically the R-Zone is more of a “head-held,” but we’ll cover it here
anyway. The device took all the fun of Tiger’s LCD games – that is to say no fun whatsoever – and
put it on a screen that you belted to your head. It’s like wearing a monocle except that people
realize even more quickly that you’re an idiot. Were the games good at least? Could
you perhaps play R-Type on the R-Zone? Not a chance; this thing couldn’t handle
Noughts and Crosses. The games were the same kind of basic fare Tiger had been making for their
dedicated handhelds and digital watches for years, only now they were displayed in searing red
and projected directly into your cornea. Later versions were more like traditional
handhelds, but that didn’t help matters. The games were awful and even their licenses – from Batman
to Jurassic Park to Mortal Kombat – could not save the R-Zone. Nobody wanted it even after
they stopped making you strap it directly to your eyeballs, which is probably saying something.
It retailed for only around $50 in today’s money, but I’d be willing to blind you and
make you look foolish for even less. #63: Goldstar GPi-1200 (1997)
The Goldstar GPi-1200 was…wait a minute…I…I recognize this. This is…oh,
Christ! This is a Philips CD-i! Come on, man, I thought we were done with this abomination.
Don’t ask me why, but a number of different manufacturers produced their own versions
of portable CD-i units, including Sony, who probably treated it better than they treated
the Vita. We’re using this entry as a sort of catchall for the various portable CD-is, but
it’s worth noting that most of them never made it to the consumer market. This GoldStar version
did, at least briefly, meaning kids could finally get their Hotel Mario fix on the go. And then
almost certainly swear off video games forever. On the bright side, the CD-i library had nearly
200 games. On the less-bright side, they were CD-i games. The device weighed more than four pounds,
meaning it would certainly have served as a murder weapon at some point, if anyone had purchased
one. The price was $1,900 in 1997. That’s not adjusted for inflation. When we do adjust for
inflation, it’s around $3,100. What a coincidence; that’s exactly the amount of money you’ll have
to pay me to speak about the CD-i ever again. #62: Palmtex Portable Videogame System (1984)
The Palmtex Portable Videogame System is the only console on this list to have
been sold exclusively via mail order, but that was not the original intention.
What’s more, it didn’t sell under the Palmtex or Portable Videogame System names at all.
Palmtex got a taste of video game revenue by importing Nintendo’s Game & Watch units
from Japan and selling them in North America. It was a fruitful relationship, but before long
the company started to wonder if they could design a system of their own. The eventual result
was the self-explanatory Portable Videogame System. Palmtex had demonstration units
available just in time for the Consumer Electronics Show in January 1984, an event
that would go on to break attendance records. They failed, however, to find a distributor,
and Palmtex defaulted on its loans. Another company named Home Computer Software bought
the stock, renamed the system the Super Micro, and sold it through the mail to recoup its
investment. It was a quiet, undignified end for what could have been an interesting system.
Only around 5,000 units were sold and a mere three games were made. It’s an oddity, but
a fascinating one in just about every way. #61: VTech Variety (1983)
Hey, do you want to make your handheld console impossible to research in a few
decades? If so, take a page from the VTech Variety and name it after a common word that people
will use when discussing pretty much any topic. Here’s a list of potential console names to
get you started: The Color. The Play. The Unit. VTech naming their handheld the Variety makes
it extremely difficult to find information, and if it weren’t for a few scant photos of
the thing – hey, that’s another name for your impossible-to-research console: The Thing
– we’d have assumed it never existed. And, honestly, it may as well not have,
for what little it had to offer. The Variety was basically a plastic shell
into which you could slot little handheld LCD games. They were exactly the kinds of games
you could buy as separate, dedicated handhelds, but now they didn’t come with buttons. Progress!
Nobody seems to know what it cost, how many units it sold, or when it was discontinued,
but it couldn’t have done that well. Look at it! Bright yellow. Guaranteed
to be struck down before its time… #60: Tiger Gizmondo (2005)
The Gizmondo was the product of circumstances so bizarre we literally
cannot even scratch the surface here. Instead, picture the absolute craziest thing you can
imagine, and know that whatever you pictured is nowhere near as crazy as the actual
circumstances surrounding the Gizmondo. Tiger Telematics – not to be confused with
Tiger Electronics, the other Tiger on this list – expected the system to be huge. In
fact, when Gizmondo launched in the UK, they opened a flagship store on London’s Regent
Street. Here’s evidence, if you’d like to post it to any of those “cursed image” groups. It
was home to extravagant parties featuring rock stars such as Sting, who I assure you has
never so much as uttered the word Gizmondo. In the US it sold mainly at mall kiosks. A risky
move, considering human beings have an inborn aversion to making eye contact with anyone working
at mall kiosks. For the equivalent of around $300, you could buy a Gizmondo that periodically served
you advertisements. You could purchase a version without ads for the equivalent of around $530.
Tiger never activated the ad function, though, meaning anyone who bought the ad-free version
essentially flushed an extra $230 down the toilet. The system sold fewer than 25,000 units, and
the company lost an impressive $382.5 million. #59: Entex Adventure Vision (1982)
An early color handheld in the sense that red is a color, the Entex Adventure Vision launched
with the only four games it would ever get. Entex pulled the plug after about a year,
without releasing any of the planned peripherals. The unit ran at a neither-silky-nor-smooth 15
frames per second, using a technically impressive but realistically cumbersome series of red
LEDs and spinning mirrors to project its image. This is similar to what would eventually
be used by the more successful Virtual Boy, and the Adventure Vision should feel pretty
awful that I was able to use the phrase “the more successful Virtual Boy.” Its pack-in game was
Defender, which was one of the most popular arcade games of the era, but not enough people wanted
to play it on what was essentially a Lite-Brite. Sales figures are hazy; some sources claim that
Entex sold 50,000 units, while others claim that they only manufactured 50,000 units. Still
other sources put the number of units made at 10,000. In any of these scenarios, the
Adventure Vision was not a success, and is a rare find on the collector’s market. Which
is good, because I don’t want you to buy one. #58: Entex Select-A-Game (1981)
The Select-A-Game achieved infamy from the very start. One of Entex’s first games
for the unit was Space Invader 2. Notice how similar that title looks to “Space Invaders”
when you see it on the label. Midway indeed sued for copyright infringement, but lost on the
grounds that arcade games and handheld titles were works in different media, and therefore it
didn’t matter how similar the two names were. This was, clearly, idiotic, but it was symptomatic
of games being both so new and so far from established precedent. Emboldened by their
successful ripoff, Entex released Pac-Man 2, not even trying to hide behind similar names anymore,
instead just slapping a number on the end. This time justice was served; Entex would
have to discontinue the game by the end of the year and had to pay all profits to
Coleco, which owned the Pac-Man license. With a lifespan of just over a year and
only six games available for the system, the Select-A-Game left more of an imprint on
copyright law than it did on handhelds to come. But it’s at least why Microsoft can’t make a game
called Super Mario Kart 2 and get away with it. #57: VTech 3D Gamate (1983)
The name of the console is meant to be a portmanteau of “game” and “mate,” I have to
assume, but it doesn’t sound like that, does it? Anyway, VTech’s first attempt at a handheld
console did little to move games forward. In fact, it took familiar LCD technology and
simply held it closer to your eyes. The device presented two slightly different
angles of the same image, creating a rudimentary 3D effect. Of course, none of its games was of the
sort that would benefit from 3D, meaning the only advantage this offered over existing handhelds
was that you’d look much sillier while using it. Sales figures are not available,
but we can’t blame VTech for that; I likely wouldn’t brag about them, either.
Sources seem to agree that it must have been discontinued quickly, however, as only half of
its planned six games were released. The 3D Gamate is at least significant for being the first 3D
handheld with interchangeable cartridges. It’s also the one most likely to permanently
blind you if you trip while playing it. #56: VTechProScreen (1984)
Hold on, didn’t we just talk about this? Yes. Also no, but…yes. The VTechProScreen
isn’t quite another iteration of the 3D Gamate, but it is an entirely separate device released
the following year that happened to play the same games. We can’t hold that against them, of course;
backwards compatibility is a welcome feature of any console, and surely they didn’t want to leave
behind the 3D Gamate’s robust library of…[papers rustling]…three games.
It was a tossup as to whether we should rank this higher or lower than the 3D
Gamate as no sales figures or pricing information is available for either of them. We decided to
favor this version mainly because the games did not benefit from the 3D functionality of the other
system, whereas the ProScreen actually did add something interesting: the ability to project
the games onto a wall or other large surface. In the days before televisions had screens
of decent size or picture quality, playing video games with a large display was genuinely
innovative. Even if the games were terrible. Like, just utter rubbish. Irredeemable crap, even.
The ProScreen was very cheaply made, so finding one in working condition
isn’t likely. Thank Christ for that. #55: LG Kids Pad (2012)
The Kids Pad is another handheld we haven’t found much information about.
LG released the device exclusively in its native South Korea, so details are written
exclusively in a language I can’t read. Sales figures are not available, but the Kids
Pad launched with only 2,000 units and I can’t find any evidence that more were ever made.
Perhaps that represents great sales in the South Korean children’s educational handheld market.
Perhaps it doesn’t. Who’s to say? Someone from South Korea, probably, so not me.
It was priced at around $315, when adjusted for inflation, which was pretty
pricy compared to other educational handhelds. I can find almost no information on the games that
were made and also very little footage of anybody playing one, but it did seem to have some
nice features, such as a light sensor, a camera, and mp3 playback capabilities. LG
also emphasized the Kids Pad’s durability, meaning it could strike the floor over
and over again without sustaining damage, so I suppose it also functions as a stress
reliever. Do I know that for sure? No. I don’t know anything about the Kids Pad. And even
after listening to this entry, neither do you. #54: Koei PasoGo (1996)
Normally we wouldn’t include a handheld on this list if the only thing it
could do was play Go, but the Koei PasoGo actually does qualify as a console, as it had
11 different games released for it. All of them were different versions of Go, but you had to
buy them separately, so here we are. Talking about a handheld that only plays Go. Hooray.
In a way, this makes sense; Koei could cater to a smaller audience of Go aficionados
with a less-expensive unit dedicated entirely to their hobby. There was just
one problem: This thing cost almost $400 when adjusted for inflation; significantly more
expensive than the more-versatile handhelds. I don’t know much about Go. I know that
Googling it is a flipping nightmare. Maybe the PasoGo is the single greatest
thing to happen to Go since the letter G, before which the game was only called
O. Maybe this handheld was excellent and anybody who did not own one was mocked
ruthlessly and pelted with Go pellets, or whatever those things are called.
All I can say for sure is that if I’d gotten this for Christmas as a kid,
I’d be an even grumpier adult today. #53: LeapFrogiQuest (2001)
It’s difficult for us to rank educational consoles, on the grounds that we
don’t need no education. The LeapFrogiQuest, however, is one we feel comfortable keeping
toward the bottom of the list. I’m sure it’s not terrible, but it also doesn’t do much
of anything. Also, for a handheld console made in 2001, this feels remarkably primitive.
Of course, the iQuest was not designed to compete with game consoles. It’s a portable study aid and
only ends up on this list through technicality. At the same time, though, it’s entirely text-based
and doesn’t do much other than roll through sets of study questions. Different subjects were
available on cartridges, which seems like a big step backward in an era during which study aids
would have been available online for no charge. Sales figures are not available, but I have
reason to believe the LeapFrogiQuest didn’t manage to outsell the Nintendo DS. Also, an obtuse
interface makes the unit’s alarm functionality needlessly confusing, if this YouTube comment
from 2016 is to be believed. Shed a tear for HovhannesDermovsesian[comment on the above-linked
YouTube video; there aren’t many], who was still being woken up several times per
week by his 15-year-old iQuest. #52: MGA Game Wizard (1994)
By 1994, you’d think the game industry would be keeping decent records. And you would be
right! Good for you, you handsome genius. Even so, nobody seemed to think it was worth documenting
anything to do with the MGA Game Wizard. Maybe it’s because its technology would have
been out of date a full decade prior. Maybe it’s because you couldn’t buy additional games
for it without buying a completely new unit. Maybe it’s because every game played
just about the same as any other, so getting three in a pack didn’t
feel like the bargain it should have. The Game Wizard was little more than a cheap
toy attempting to ride on the popularity of the properties MGA licensed, such as VR
Troopers, Power Rangers, and, yes, Star Wars. Does that mean we forgot about these or
did we intentionally leave them out of our Every Star Wars Game list to see who was
paying attention? We…forgot about them, okay? But look at these things; you can’t blame us.
The Game Wizard was distributed by Grandstand in the UK, but Grandstand already had a handheld
called the Game Wizard, so they rechristened it the Game Player. With exciting names like that,
it’s a wonder these didn’t fly off the shelves. #51: GiochiPreziosi My Life (2007)
Have you ever wanted a Tamagotchi of yourself? Are you a little girl? Unless you’ve answered yes
to both of those questions, the My Life is not for you. GiochiPreziosi marketed it as the first
console designed entirely for women, which is true as long as you don’t count the three consoles
designed entirely for women that preceded it. Operating under the assumption that girls don’t
like video games unless they’re pink and bad, the My Life is a strange handheld, revolving almost
entirely around a single life-sim experience. Additional game cartridges were released; three
by our count, though we only need one. Mainly you were expected to purchase “magic keys,” which
allowed you to access clothes, accessories, and features that were built into the console.
On-disc DLC? Boy am I glad that never caught on… The system saw some degree of success in its
native Italy, selling about a million units, but it didn’t fare as well in other regions,
spending less than one year on shelves in America. It was followed up by an improved
version called the My Real Life, adding a camera and mp3 playback, but it
was less successful than its predecessor. #50: M&D Monon Color (2014)
Chinese toy company M&D released their Monon Color in 2014. It was
their first proper handheld console, though they did flirt with the concept a few
years prior with their Dream Dragon, which used trading cards and badges instead of cartridges.
The Monon Color is more traditional and also, to be honest, quite a bit more boring. It was
significantly outdated by the time of release, but it did have one thing going for it:
its price. The Monon Color launched at the equivalent of about $17. Yes, $17.
Since it wasn’t much of an investment, maybe M&D figured more people would take a
gamble on it. Sales figures are not available so it’s possible they were correct, but the
company announced plans to release a new game every month and it looks like only 20 games
in total ever came out for it, so perhaps not. Some of the games came from large franchises, such
as Roco Kingdom, Dragon Ball, and even Marvel, but the Monon Color seems to have had little to
no presence outside of China. Which means nothing, as Wish and AliExpress will try to get you to
buy one the next time you log into Facebook. #49: Mattel Children’s Discovery System (1981)
You’ve seen many educational consoles on this list – and on our list of Every Console Ranked
from Worst to Best – but we’d bet most of them would be vague about what they actually promised
parents. Not so with the Children’s Discovery System, which promised “a smarter child in 60
days, or your money back.” Sales figures are not available – nor are refund figures – but after
three years on the market, Mattel liquidated thousands of remaining units and games, so
we’ll assume the Children’s Discovery System at least didn’t meet the company’s expectations.
The unit itself is not all that impressive and, truth be told, it wasn’t all
that impressive in 1981, either. It had only 21 games and sold for more than $350
when adjusted for inflation, so it wasn’t really an appealing product for children or parents.
There is one standout feature of the console, though: It had its own programming language.
KIDBASIC allowed youngsters to write their own programs for the Children’s
Discovery System, and potentially create their own games. I mean, the games
would look like this, but…still. Cool concept. #48: TimeTop GameKing (2003)
The TimeTop GameKing seems to have existed only to trick people into buying it.
It’s designed to look physically like a Game Boy Advance – right down to the thing including
cosmetic shoulder buttons – but when you boot it up, you’ll see that the games are far below the
standards of the original Game Boy. Maybe I should say “if” you boot it up, as it doesn’t seem many
people did that. Sales figures are not available, but surely anyone who actually played this
in 2003 would still be laughing to this day. Nobody seems to know precisely how many games
were released for the GameKing, but there appear to have been around 50, all of which were the
stuff of flu-induced nightmare. There’s a game called Duck Man with a man who is clearly not
a duck. There’s a game called Penguin with box art stolen from National Geographic. There’s a
game called Dracula Zone that is about surfing. At least, I think it’s about surfing. I can
at least promise it’s not about Dracula. Then there’s the Super Mario Bros.
clone with the incredible title Adventure Legend Carlo. If your party
isn’t this lit, don’t bother inviting me. #47: Ohio Art Etch A Sketch Animator 2000 (1988) You’re almost certainly familiar with the Etch
A Sketch. It was an art toy that everybody was better at playing with than you were. Ohio Art
dreamed up a fair few versions over the years, including theEtch A Sketch Animator, which allowed
children to draw up to 12 frames of animation, pixel by pixel. One year later we got the Etch A
Sketch Animator 2000, which combined its animation capabilities with those of a game console.
The device is fascinating in retrospect if only because of its striking similarity to what
Nintendo would do with its DS 16 years later: two screens, oriented vertically, with the lower
one being a touchscreen controlled by a stylus. Of course, the Etch A Sketch Animator 2000
did not have anywhere near the success of the DS. Sales figures are not available,
but it seems to have been discontinued within a year of its introduction, after
only three games were released for it. Its price surely didn’t help things; it sold
for upwards of $300 today, significantly more expensive than the previous version of the
Animator. It was an interesting concept, but not one the public was
interested in. At least, not yet. #46: VTechV.Smile Pocket (2005)
The V.Smile Pocket is another educational unit from VTech with dubious educational value. It was
designed for children between 5 and 8 years old, which is perfect, because a 9-year-old is
certain to realize this thing is crap. Even its name is inaccurate, now that I think about
it, which is not a great start for a device that’s supposed to teach your kids. I suppose it
might fit in your pocket if you’re a kangaroo. Around 35 games were released for the V.Smile
Pocket, all of which were understandably simplistic. They didn’t come on cartridges,
though. No, sir. To emphasize the educational nature of the handheld, these games came on
Smartridges. VTech even trademarked the word so that nobody else could call their cartridges
Smartridges. I assure you, VTech, nobody else wanted to call their cartridges Smartridges.
It was originally released in orange and purple, but a pink and purple model eventually came
out, allowing girls to finally play it as well. The unit was designed to be inexpensive,
selling for around $120 in today’s money, but it struggled to sell even at that low price, and was
eventually reduced to $25 just to reduce stock. #45: LeapFrogDidj (2008) LeapFrog is known for their educational consoles,
and the Didj – which has a name that I genuinely hate saying – is indeed one of those. This
one had some rare appeal for older consumers, as well, though: It ran on Linux and sold
for around $100 when adjusted for inflation, making it an early and inexpensive way
to create a dedicated emulation handheld. And while we are not by any means suggesting that
one system should be hacked to play emulated games from another system, we are saying that we
can’t blame anyone who did it with the Didj, because its actual games were bad. Only
around 16 were released, and reviewers criticized the unit for running all of them
poorly, with freezing and unexpected rebooting being a common issue. The unit suffered from poor
battery life, lasting only around two hours on a full charge. It also suffered from overheating,
however, so maybe it was a good thing your child couldn’t play it for very long.
It saw some decent third-party support, and is even home to Sonic’s absolute worst
game, which is an accomplishment in itself. It says a lot when a game’s official commercial
makes it clear that it plays terribly. #44: Bandai Design Master Denshi Mangajuku (1995)
That name just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it? Bandai Design Master Denshi Mangajuku was
not a success. Something tells me you could have guessed that on your own, but it is a
genuinely interesting piece of technology. It’s one of the earliest consoles centered around
a touchscreen, for instance. As such, much of its intended appeal came from art programs. In fact,
you could actually connect game cartridges to design cartridges and import sprites you’ve
created into the game you’re about to play. If that seems far too advanced for
1995, that’s because it was. The import functionality was limited and the games
– due to the touchscreen interface – were all menu based. The Design Master Denshi Mangajuku did
not impress many people, and only nine cartridges in total were released for the system.
Amusingly, there were more variants of the handheld than there were games. This included
a version called the Paluseata, marketed toward girls, and a limited-edition Mega Man X3 version,
which Bandai hoped would turn the Design Master Denshi Mangajuku’s fortunes around. Perhaps
because nobody in their right mind wanted to play Mega Man X3 as a visual novel, the gambit failed
and the unit was discontinued after only one year. #43: Nikko digiBlast (2005)
The Nikko digiBlast was developed in the Netherlands, a region so named because they
should nether develop a handheld console again. Ah, I kill me. Anyway, seemingly designed to look
like it could only be safely handled by robots, the digiBlast was launched to no acclaim
and for no real reason. It did have some multimedia capabilities, allowing parents
to purchase episodes of cartoon shows on cartridges, but only 20 games were released
and, at most, 100,000 digiBlasts were sold. The unit could be connected to a television, if
you wanted to watch your TV shows on an actual TV screen, but at that point the digiBlast is
just a cumbersome middle man. OR MIDDLE WOMAN. You could also play its games on your TV, but
then you’d be subjecting your entire family to the digiBlast’s library, and I assure you they
do not deserve to be disrespected like that. The failure of the digiBlast is sometimes
attributed to a chip shortage that made it too costly to produce. Considering nobody
was buying this thing in the first place, I find that difficult to believe. The device was
discontinued after about one year on the market. #42: Nintendo Pokémon Mini (2001)
Pokémon is huge. Nintendo handhelds are huge. Put them together and you get…this,
I guess? It’s fine. It is technically a console but I think we can all agree that it was more of
a toy, and it was priced accordingly. At under $60 when adjusted for inflation, the Pokémon Mini
was less than the price of a new game at retail right now. Then again, you will almost
certainly enjoy the new game at retail more than you will this thing.
A total of 10 games were released, all having to do with Pokémon. By that I mean
they carried the name Pokémon, not that they were comparable in terms of gameplay, quality,
or enjoyability. They were mainly minigames and puzzle games, but one game – Pokémon Tetris –
was actually pretty good. Because it was Tetris. Sales figures are not available, which is a rarity
for Nintendo. In fact, they even released sales figures for the Virtual Boy. If they’re keeping
quiet about how many Pokémon Minis they shifted, we imagine it did not do well. For whatever
reason, the handheld has found a minor second life on the homebrew scene, which I guess is
good. It keeps them out of the landfill, at least. #41: Fisher-Price Kasey the Kinderbot(2002) Listen, I wouldn’t talk about this
terrifying thing if I didn’t have to, but Kasey the Kinderbot technically qualifies
as a handheld by the rules we established for this list. On a related note, I have fired the
person who established the rules for this list. Kasey the Kinderbot is a robot
that gyrates and never shuts up, but does so in the name of education so it’s
okay. He’s quite creepy and I really don’t appreciate that he’s looking at me like he’s
about to offer me a drink after I already said no.Because life is suffering, Kasey the Kinderbot
was followed by other iterations, including Toby the Totbot and Fetch the Phonicsbot. Kasey
and pals won several toy of the year awards, presumably because the competition vanished
mysteriously the night before the ceremony. Kasey the Kinderbot accepted cartridges,
which contained different lessons and games centered around various subjects, such as science,
reading, foreign languages, and why machines are superior to weak, foolish humans. That one didn’t
sell too well but it was clearly the subject about which Kasey the Kinderbot was most passionate.
Kasey the Kinderbot was removed from the market after thousands of units mistook children
for sentences and violently parsed them. #40: RomtecColorvision (1984) Depending on where you were located, you might
have known the Colorvision as coming from a different company, such as Altic,
Bazin, or Bristol. Depending on when you were born – say any time after 1984 – you
might not have known the Colorvision at all. Sales figures are not available but
its rarity on the secondhand market suggests that it didn’t sell all that well. That’s
slightly surprising to me, as the games were about on par with the quality of other handhelds of
the era and they looked significantly better. True to its name, the Colorvision presented its
otherwise standard LCD games in full color, with some genuinely lovely artwork in every cartridge.
And I do mean that the artwork is literally in the cartridge; light shines through a plastic
screen from above, illuminating the backgrounds and objects onto a mirror in the system.
It was not especially advanced for its time, but the games being in color helps them
to pop and gives them each a more unique identity than most black-and-white LCD games.
The Colorvision was unquestionably a failure, but it was a charming one. That’s more
than I can say for any of my failures. #39: Hartung Game Master (1990)
When taking on the Game Boy, Hartung had an exceptional idea: Sell it
in places that were not already overrun with Game Boys. As such, the Hartung Game Master
was distributed in its native Germany and then in France, Italy, and the UK. Once again, you may
have encountered it under a different name, which is likely repeated in your nightmares to this day.
The console was sold as late as 1994, but that could be because it sold so poorly that Hartung
was still offloading stock four years later.19 masterful games were released for the Game Master,
and as you might have guessed they were unofficial clones of other games, such as Tetris and Space
Invaders. Weirdly, despite sharing a name with a Nintendo game, Urban Champion is not a clone at
all; it’s a case of parallel invention, meaning Hartung is exactly as creative as Nintendo.
The games also seem to have been carelessly made, with titlesoften being different in the game
than on the box. You know, I’m beginning to suspect Hartung were only in it for the money and
weren’t passionate about game development at all… #38: Tapwave Zodiac (2003)
The Tapwave Zodiac seems to have been released only so people could eventually include
it on lists of the worst consoles ever made. It made next to no impression in the marketplace,
sold fewer than 200,000 units, and caused a global sigh of relief when it was discontinued about a
year and a half later, because humanity was no longer in any danger of accidentally buying it.
Tapwave did their best to stir up interest, announcing ahead of release that the Zodiac had
1,200 developers who would make games for it. Only 46 games were released, so we think
they might have been over-optimistic. In a puzzlingly fawning review, Pen
Computing Magazine gushed over its features, the inevitability of it changing the face of
electronics as we knew them, and itsonly downside, which was a lack of feet meaning we were unable to
kiss them. It says, “a Zodiac 1 is a quantum leap beyond those wimpy, plastic GameBoys.” The Game
Boy Advance was on the market at this point, and more of those were sold in the space it took one
to sneeze than the Zodiac sold in its entire life. #37: VTechPreComputer 1000 (1988)
The VTechPreComputer 1000 was an educational console, which means it had
some of the greatest games ever made. Sorry; I got confused for a moment. It was an educational
console which means its games consisted of spelling lessons and Bible trivia.
Sales figures are not available, but the PreComputer, which you should never
abbreviate as “PreCom,” seems to have sold decently. It cost around $133 when adjusted for
inflation, which is fair for a learning tool. Even if it only taught kids to type – which
it would, thanks to its QWERTY keyboard – that could be considered a fair investment.
The unit had games and utilities built in, with seven more available on cartridge. It also
included Pre-BASIC, a programming language, but considering the screen could only display 20
characters at a time and all programming was lost every time you changed the batteries,
it’s safe to say kids weren’t doing much more than getting it to display HELLO WORLD.
VTech brought out an improved version known as the PreComputer 2000 in 1992, three years after the
1000 was discontinued. The new unit could display two lines of text instead of only
one. Truly, the future had arrived. #36: Bandai Digi Casse(1984) Bandai entered the handheld market with the Digi
Casse, a device with interchangeable LCD screens. Each of the games used the same controls,
obviously, but different iterations of the Digi Casse had different styles of input, with
some featuring a tiny thumb stick and others directional buttons. It’s a strange system
and not one that gets much attention, which is a polite way of saying we were
able to dig up jack squat about it. A total of 10 games were released for the system,
which isn’t many, but Bandai’s marketing of the Digi Casse was smart. Instead of simply selling
it with or without a pack-in game and letting consumers do the legwork, the system was sold in
different packages depending upon one’s interest, each of them coming with the handheld and two
games that shared a theme. If you liked sport, you could buy one that came with football and tennis.
If you liked cartoon characters, you could buy one that came with two colorful mascot games. If you
liked historical tragedies, you could buy one that came with a game called Mt. Fuji Explosion.
Like I said, it’s a strange system. #35: Watara Supervision (1991)
Fancy a game of Christ-Ball? Well, brother, pick up a Watara Supervision and enjoy its pack-in
game! Also, it’s a crap version of Arkanoid on a terrible screen so let’s not play Christ-Ball.
The Supervision was designed to compete with the Game Boy – no prizes for having guessed
that – and was actually a decently made unit. It was sturdy and…well, it was sturdy. That’s more
than most of the Game Boy’s competition can say. It also sold for significantly less, around $95
when adjusted for inflation. Its library consisted of a nice 69 games, literally none of which are
worth the time it takes to drop them in the bin. In fairness to Watara, it really was the weakness
of the games that let the Supervision down. Selling a comparable unit for a fraction of
the Game Boy’s cost was a fair way to try to get a piece of the action. It seems to
have made some degree of impact in Italy, for whatever reason, but nowhere else.
Weirdly, the Supervision is named after the last thing you want when you’re trying to do
anything fun. Maybe that’s what scared people off. #34: Tiger Game.com (1997)
We’ll give Tiger credit for improving on the R-Zone. They’d have to have worked pretty hard
to do any worse, but, still, credit where it’s due. The Game.com never stood a serious chance
of making a dent in the handheld market, but it did feature primitive internet functionality, and
its stylus-based, app-like interface is something we’ve seen in far more successful contexts since.
The system certainly wasn’t helped by how far it tried to reach. No handheld in 1997, for instance,
was going to play Resident Evil 2 competently, but Game.com had a port. Ditto Duke Nukem 3D, Sonic
Jam, and even Mortal Kombat. They were all tied for being the worst things imaginable. There were
even plans for Metal Gear Solid and Castlevania: Symphony of the Night to be ported to this
thing. Can you imagine playing Symphony of the Night on a Game.com? It would be
like playing Uncharted 4 on an abacus. A later version, the Game.com Pocket Pro,
was far superior to the original handheld, but so is whatever has curled up and died behind
your refrigerator. All told, the Game.com sold fewer than 300,000 units. Those people formed a
support group that meets regularly to this day. #33: VTechInnoTab (2011)
VTech released several different versions of its child-friendly InnoTab, all of which were
ostensibly educational. I say “ostensibly” because I played this Sponge Bob dancing game for 60
hours and I haven’t learned a bloody thing! The InnoTab started at around $150 when adjusted
for inflation, which was certainly a safer investment for your kids than a shatter-prone iPad
would have been at the time. Games were available at both retail and through digital download, but
the latter seem to have all been lost to time. There were only around 15 games released
at retail, but that likely was just a small fraction of what was actually available.
The games seem to have been simple, overall, and there were also digital storybooks that were
intended to help children learn to read. However, I played this Sponge Bob dancing game
for 60 hours and I still can’t read! Critics were not impressed by the lack
of responsiveness in the touchscreen, the system’s sluggish performance, and the poor
audio and video quality. We’ve already seen the handhelds those critics had as children through.
Really, guys, you’ve got no room to complain. #32: Fisher-Price Pixter (2000)
Initially released by Fisher-Price, the Pixter soon moved over to the parent brand, Mattel. As such, depending upon the model, you
might see either company’s branding on it. The change was almost certainly made
to expand the console’s audience, though that may not have been the best idea.
The Pixter was very clearly designed with young children in mind. Children who were able to hold
a stylus without sticking it down their throats, yes, but still young. Its games would have
bored anyone older, as they all ran at the speed of your dead grandmother. As might be
expected for an early touchscreen device, the majority of the Pixter’s 60 titles
were minigame collections that saw you tapping on things, dragging things, and wishing
Nintendo would hurry up and invent the DS already. Children likely got more enjoyment out
of the artistic side of the device, which allowed them to draw, color, and even
take photos. A later “multimedia” version allowed kids to toy around with clips from
Dora the Explorer and Spongebob the…Sponge, but only six cartridges were released. On the
bright side, only six cartridges were released. #31: Tiger VideoNow XP (2005)
Perhaps it says something that Tiger’s best handheld console is the one that was
the least like a handheld console. That’s not to say it’s good, but the VideoNow XP at
least did what consumers expected it to do. In the early 2000s, media players were a novel
concept, especially if they could handle video. There was also little in the
way of an established standard, meaning manufacturers were trying to push their
own formats and/or copy protection. VideoNow was Tiger’s attempt at both – under its parent
company, Hasbro – and the VideoNow XP was the portable device that could play the unusually
small discs. Tiger got buy-in from a number of established shows, including Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles, Danny Phantom, Peanuts, Kirby, and even Mr. Bean. Not the good Mr. Bean…the
naff animated Mr. Bean. But, still. Mr. Bean. So why on Earth are we talking about
it? Well, games were available. Only three of them, and they were all FMV games
with less interactivity than even Night Trap, but they existed. Batman, Teen Titans, and
Scooby-Doo were all carved up into games that asked you to press a button at the correct
time in order to see the next clip. Thrilling. #30: Nokia N-Gage (2003)
The Nokia N-Gage attempted to lure gamers away from other handhelds by being
a really crap handheld that was also a phone. Being as you’ve got a really crap handheld
that’s also a phone in your pocket right now, that really wasn’t such a bad idea,
but the unit saw negligible success in its two years on the market.
Criticism was levied at…well, look at it. Playing games that required any sort
of reaction or dexterity on the part of the player were uncomfortable at best and next to impossible
at worst. Though Nokia absolutely intended for the unit to function as a handheld, its primary
design considerations treated it as a phone, meaning consumers ended up with
this strange sort of device that wasn’t especially desirable for either purpose.
It was also expensive, selling for more than $420 (blaze it) when adjusted for inflation. It
did have almost 60 games available at retail, and a surprising amount of support from Sega.
But that was less a compelling reason to own an N-Gage than it was evidence that Sega had
literally no idea what they were doing anymore. #29: Welback Mega Duck (1993)
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it’s probably not anywhere
as good as a Game Boy. The Welback Mega Duck wore its aspirations on its sleeve, designing
its unit to look as much like Nintendo’s as either company’s legal team would allow.
Sales figures are not available, but we can’t imagine anyone other than confused
parents took one home from the store. In a way, that’s disappointing; the games were better than
most other Game Boy pretenders had on offer. There were only 24 of them, and the best
of them wouldn’t have held a candle to anything Nintendo or Sega were releasing on
their handhelds, but they were competent enough. Unfortunately,Welback seemed to believe that the
key to success was to not advertise it anywhere, under any circumstances. As a result, nobody
knew it existed or spoke about it. It’s a proud tradition that has been upheld to this day.
In their press release announcing the Mega Duck, Welback executives cited the
console’s “educational” benefits, but having looked through the system’s library, I
think the only thing it could have taught people was how to be more careful with their money. #28: Game Park GP32 (2001)
Many consoles – handheld and otherwise – were created mainly to compete with Nintendo. In the
case of South Korea’s Game Park 32, however, there was no competition; due to restrictive trade laws,
electronics from Japan were not legally available. There was certainly demand for handhelds, but
the most popular ones couldn’t be imported. Enter the GP32, which was funded by the South Korean
government to generate money for the country. It sold for the equivalent of $320 today and only
had 28 games released for it at retail, but the GP32 – possibly due to a lack of large developers
in South Korea – was open source, deliberately courting bedroom coders and indie developers who
could release their games digitally on the system. Popular homebrew games were even available for
download from the official Game Park website. Where there’s homebrew there’s emulation, as well,
which made the unit a popular pickup while it was available. Ultimately, however, the embargo on
Japanese electronics was lifted and the GP32 couldn’t compete. The system was released in
a few more countries just to test the waters, but a government-produced
handheld with fewer than 30 games did not topple the world’s most
recognizable games company. Go figure! #27: Epoch Game Pocket Computer (1984)
The Game Pocket Computer by Epoch was well ahead of its time. That was almost
certainly the reason for its downfall. In 1984, this simply was not like any other handheld on
the market, and consumers were skeptical. Sales figures are not available, but no reliable source
describes it as anything other than a failure. Only five games were released for the system
before it was discontinued, and none of them are particularly unique or interesting, but
the Game Pocket Computer was more powerful and technologically advanced than any handheld
gamers had seen yet, it sold for a fair price, it was well constructed, and a full charge would
give it an incredible 30 hours of playtime. The system is a fascinating failure, and I think
part of that failure is due to its size; despite its name, the Game Pocket Computer doesn’t fit in
a pocket at all. And without ease of portability, it was likely to stay in the home. 1984 also saw
the second generation of home consoles enter full swing, a generation that included the NES,
Master System, and the Atari 7800. If the Game Pocket Computer was going to stay in the
home, it simply could not compete with that. #26: VTechMobiGo (2010)
The VTechMobiGo was not terrible, making it a genuine rarity in the educational console
market. It isn’t great and I am not advising you to stop watching this video so you can rush to
eBay and buy one – in fact, please don’t do that; we worked very hard on this video and I will
miss you – but it was a fully competent device. It featured both a touchscreen and a
slide-out keyboard, which is such a smart concept for an educational handheld that
I’m shocked more of them didn’t do it. The MobiGo helps children to develop both their
motor functions and their typing skills. At least, we assume that’s the case; it would all come down
to the kinds of games available and how effective they were at conveying their material.
There’s little information about them, however. There seems to have been around 10
released in total. There are racing games and rhythm games, which probably offered some
nice variety but wouldn’t help junior do much better on their exams. Still, the unit sold
for around $70 when adjusted for inflation, meaning if your kid got any educational benefit
from it at all, it was money well spent. #25: Bit Corporation Gamate (1990)
When Atari, Sega, and NEC tried to unseat the Game Boy, they did it by manufacturing
hardware far beyond Nintendo’s system. When Bit Corporation tried to unseat the Game
Boy, it basically made the Game Boy but worse. Interesting strategy, I’ll give them that.
The Gamate – which, oddly, is not related in any way to the Gamate 3D we discussed
earlier – was released worldwide in what must be one of humanity’s greatest
moments of unfounded optimism. It suffered all of the limitations of a Game
Boy – the small screen, the motion blur, the kidney-disease color palette – and had none
of its advantages. There isn’t any reliable data on how large the library was, but there
seem to have been at least 72 games released, nearly all of which were simple clones of
better games you would rather play elsewhere. The one advantage the Gamate had was its price.
Adjusted for inflation, it sold for around $140, quite a bit less than its competition. But
buying an expired tin of beans for $5 when you could have had a steak for $7 doesn’t
necessarily mean you’ve gotten a good deal. #24: Nintendo Virtual Boy
We love Nintendo. How could we not? Even their failures are adorable. And the
Virtual Boy – let me be very clear about this – was indeed a failure. It’s not quite as
bad as its reputation suggests, but that’s only because its reputation suggests that it damned all
of our souls to an eternity as Satan’s roommates. It’s still quite bad, and we ranked every one
of its games from worst to best to prove it. Touted as Nintendo’s foray into virtual
reality – hence the name – it really just presented traditional gaming experiences in 3D.
The library included puzzle games, sports games, and platformers that weren’t presented any
differently than they were on consoles, aside from the fact that they were all the same color
as your eyes after 10 minutes of playing them. We’re classifying it as a handheld because
that’s how everybody seems to classify it, but reallyyou’re supposed to put it
on its stand, step back several feet, and pelt it with rocks. Nintendo did manage
to sell almost 800,000 of these things, and we hope all 800,000 of the people who
bought them got the help they so clearly needed. #23: Milton Bradley Microvision (1979)
You are looking at the very first handheld console, at least as far as we’re defining them.
Dedicated handhelds for single games predated it, but for the Microvision, Milton Bradley took
a cue from the home consoles that were gaining traction at the time. Instead of building and
selling one-off games to customers, the company could sell one console and as many games as they
liked for years to come. It might sound like an obvious idea today, but in 1979, it was a big
risk. Who would want to carry around a handheld and a library of games? Didn’t that defeat the
convenience of handheld games in the first place? No, as it turns out. The Microvision was a
success. Reliable estimates place Milton Bradley’s profits from the device at around $8 million…the
equivalent of around $28.6 million today. Because the company had experience designing
hardware that would only work with one game, the Microvision doesn’t actually have a CPU;
it’s essentially a controller, with the hardware for each game built into its cartridge. And
how much did those cartridges cost? A mere $20…or $71.57 when adjusted for
inflation. I don’t want to hear you complaining about paying
$70 for a PS5 game ever again. #22: Tommo Neo Geo X (2012)
A Neo Geo unit that isn’t by SNK? That’s sure to be good! The Neo Geo X is what we’d
now call a mini-console, but it offers something most other minis do not: a cartridge slot. Though
this system came with only 20 games preinstalled, five additional cartridges featuring more
games were released. This – I wish to be very clear – was an excellent idea. The
reason I want to be very clear about that is that none of its other ideas were excellent.
It was surprisingly expensive, around $230 when adjusted for inflation. Even worse is that there
is nothing proprietary about the technology at all; it runs an imperfect emulator that is
available online. The games didn’t even look particularly good; reviewers complained of
imperfect scaling and washed-out colors, problems that became even more obvious
if you plugged it into your television. Are the critics just being big fat babies?!
Perhaps, but SNK themselves weren’t impressed, either. A year after its debut,
they publicly accused Tommo of releasing a product that was not up to the
standards associated with the Neo Geo name, and insisted they discontinue it and
remove all existing stock from shelves. Still, mini-console with an expandable
library. Let’s get more of that, please. #21: Nvidia Shield Portable (2013)
Nvidia’s attempt to make it in the handheld console market seems to
have been more of an experiment than a serious direction for the company.
Their primary attention remained on the other products – such as graphics cards and
tablets – that kept them afloat. In fact, Nvidia never officially announced the product’s
discontinuation, preferring to let it quietly die. It’s still a quite interesting device, however,
not least because it’s a strong first showing for a company that hadn’t made any other handhelds
before. Its screen was great – still is, to be honest – and the fact that it essentially
had a console-quality controller built into it meant it felt good to hold and play. Of course,
this high-quality craftsmanship came at a cost: about $340 when adjusted for inflation.
That was money that an enthusiast might have been happy to pay, but the general
consumer would not have taken the risk. Those who did own it enjoyed it, especially
since it had an Android operating system and was therefore quite versatile. It also had
access to any game designed for Android and was able to stream games from your
PC. It was a strong first showing. #20: Fisher-Price iXL (2010)
An educational handheld slash media player for young children, the Fisher-Price iXL
is not a bad unit at all. It offered kids a safe electronic device that could download a large
variety of games through the official website. That’s a straightforward
statement, I would have thought, but that “official website” bit is actually what
makes the iXL notable for the wrong reasons. An education company called Quia Corp. had
been producing online learning materials since 1998. In 2007, they launched an educational
subseries called IXL. It was so successful the company changed its name to IXL…in 2010, shortly
after Fisher-Price released its iXL handheld. The company took Fisher-Price to court for
“Google confusion,” arguing that people searching for IXL learning materials would be
directed toward Fisher-Price’s toy instead, and though the company had only recently
started going by the name IXL, those letters had been associated with their product for years.
The case was ultimately settled in Fisher-Price’s favor on the grounds that “trademark laws
protect against mistaken purchasing decisions, and not against general confusion due to
coexistence.” And yet we had to change our channel’s name a matter of days after
launching it. Justice for some, am I right? #19: Atari Lynx (1989)
Pity the poor handheld to release immediately after the Game
Boy, because no matter what it would be, it wouldn’t stand a chance. That
ill fortune fell to the Atari Lynx. About four years earlier, Nintendo unseated
Atari as the king of the console market with its superior hardware. Atari could have gotten its
revenge here, unseating Nintendo as the handheld king with its superior hardware. After all,
in a technical sense, the Lynx is absolutely to the Game Boy what the NES was to whatever
console Atari was trying to sell that week. And yet the Lynx was a failure, selling only
three million units. There are many reasons for this. It was more than twice the price of
a Game Boy, its battery consumption was absurd, and you’d be imprisoned for murder if
you dropped it on anybody. Ultimately, though, we think it came down to the games.
The Lynx had nothing that could compete with Nintendo’s pack-in – the legendary
Tetris – for sheer addictiveness, and that never changed during its six-year
lifespan. It received only 76 games, many of which were downgraded console and arcade ports that were
outdated before the Lynx was even in development. #18: LeapFrog Turbo Twist (2000)
The LeapFrog Turbo Twist combines the fun of learning with the catharsis of smacking
your console when you’re doing poorly. Taking a cue from Hasbro’s Bop It!, the Turbo Twist
encourages kids to smash it, twist it, and…well, that’s about it, really, but it’s certainly more
engaging than studying with a pencil and paper. There were several Turbo Twist units
released, focusing on Spelling, Math, and, erm…Brains. Though it’s not immediately apparent
– and though they weren’t strictly necessary, as the units came with enough preloaded content
to keep most kids busy – the Turbo Twist accepted cartridges. Additionally, you could load
your own content onto the device. This honestly wasn’t bad for an educational handheld shaped
like a…you know what? I won’t finish that thought. LeapFrog doesn’t seem to make sales data available
for any of its consoles, but it sold for the equivalent of around $60 today, which isn’t too
bad, and it seems to be remembered fondly enough by those who had it growing up. Of course,
the fact that anybody could be said to have been “growing up” in the year 2000 is making me
feel extremely old and I think I need a lie down. #17: LeapFrogLeapster Explorer (2010)
We just can’t get enough of educational consoles at TripleJump. At least, that’s what you’d think
considering we’ve taken the time to rank every one of them. So, what is this thing? Leapster
Explorer? It’s wonderful. Truly fantastic unit. I almost returned my PS5 when I discovered it.
Alright, alright, I’ll review it properly. It’s yet another handheld from LeapFrog, and it
was well received by parents and critics. It’s a sturdy device that features
both a touchscreen and tilt controls, which is good because kids are probably the only
ones who could possibly enjoy tilt controls. Games were available as downloadable apps, which the
Leapster referred to as “Leaplets.” Is that a pun on “leaflet?” What does a leaflet have to do
with an app? What is it with these educational consoles and their made-up words? Teach kids
what things are actually called, you fools. It had around 50 games and sold for the
equivalent of about $80, so you could do much worse in terms of both variety and value. If
I were four years old, I’m sure I’d be thrilled. #16: NEC TurboExpress (1990)
You may have thought that the first handheld to play actual home console games was the Sega
Nomad. In reality, it was the TurboExpress, which played PC Engine games – or TurboGrafx-16 games if
you want to get American about this – on the go. Not every PC Engine game worked, as they came on a
variety of formats, but anything that was released on a HuCardwould run on the TurboExpress, giving
it a library of nearly 300 games, all of which were home-console quality. Because…y’know…they
actually were home console games. The device was too far ahead of
its timeand was not a success, due in large part to its astronomical price:
nearly $500 when adjusted for inflation. Weirdly, while a console’s launch price is
usually its highest, NEC increased the cost of the TurboExpress the year after it released.
That…probably didn’t earn it much good will. It also suffered from technology that
wasn’t quite where it should have been, with sound and visual failure being all too
common. Still, it was a fascinating bit of kit, with an accessory that turned the
TurboExpress into a portable television. Impressive for 1990. Unless you asked people
in 1990, I guess, since none of them wanted it. #15: LeapFrogLeapster (2003)
If you’re looking to buy yourself a good educational console, you can’t do much better
than the Leapster. Also, if you’re looking to buy yourself a good educational console, you are
far too young to be on this channel. Do subscribe, but don’t watch any videos until you’re older.
LeapFrog is one of very few companies that have managed to carve out a sustainable
presence in the educational console space, with the Leapster and its revisions being
especially popular. This is no doubt due to the fact that it’s inexpensive – around $180 when
adjusted for inflation – and features a library of child-friendly games. Granted, there are
only 50 games in that library, but that’s the number available for any educational handheld.
Besides, the Leapster isn’t meant to be played for a lifetime. It’s meant to be played until
you’ve mastered your alphabet and animal facts. For instance, did you know ducks
are allergic to cinnamon? Well, if you had a Leapster you’d know I was
talking out of my arse. (Again, kids, don’t watch any videos here. We use a lot of
words the Leapster won’t teach you, like arse.) #14: SNK Neo Geo Pocket (1998)
The Neo Geo Pocket, as a 16-bit system, outstepped the Game Boy in terms of power and
performance, and it sold for less, around $110 in today’s money. So of course, in the same month
of its release, Nintendo dropped the Game Boy Color, and the monochrome Neo Geo Pocket looked
immediately outdated. It was as good as dead, with only 10 games in its library.
But SNK was smart; rather than sink more money into a dying system, they
replaced it with the Neo Geo Pocket Color. This was again more powerful than Nintendo’s
equivalent, and it’s the version of the Pocket that SNK gave a global release. They also swelled
the library with nearly 100 games in recognizable series such as Sonic the Hedgehog, Fatal
Fury, Metal Slug, King of Fighters, and more. It was poised to be a solid rival…until the very
next year, when SNK’s parent company decided to shut down global distribution. Nintendo’s Game Boy
Advance was on the horizon and, again, the Pocket would be outdated and overshadowed. It had a rocky
three years on the market, sold only two million units worldwide, and had the sad distinction
of having been assassinated twice by Nintendo. #13: Sega Nomad (1994)
Sega launched its own portable home console in 1994 with the Sega Nomad. It was
essentially a handheld Sega Genesis, and yes, we can say Genesis instead of Mega Drive because
the Nomad never released outside of America. The company had high sales expectations, and they
weren’t entirely unfounded. The Sega Mega Jet, which was a version of the Mega Drive that could
be rented before flights, was popular in Japan. In all, though, the Nomad sold only one
million units and was considered an abysmal failure. Why? Well, the Sega Saturn released
a year earlier in Japan, so this wasn’t quite the console Americans were saving their money
for. They weren’t saving their money for the Saturn, either, but you get the point.
With the Nomad, Sega repeated many of the mistakes it had made with the Game Gear.
It was expensive, ate batteries like candy, and weighed more than the Earth itself. It
was an interesting idea, though. It could play nearly the entire Genesis library. It
did not support the Sega CD or 32X add-ons, but I honestly consider that a bonus. For some
reason, nobody was really interested in a portable home console. At least, not until Nintendo
did it. Then suddenly it was SUCH A GOOD IDEA. #12: Cybiko(2000)
For its time, the Cybiko – made by Cybiko – was an impressive piece of technology. It allowed
for wireless text communication between units, mp3 playback, and complete PDA functionality.
It was also able to access the internet and use email, but only with a physical
connection. And, of course, it played games. The unit was aimed at the teenage market,
who Cybiko rightly predicted might enjoy texting each other. Unlike most other
ahead-of-its-time handhelds on this list, Cybiko actually appears to have done quite
well. Sales figures are not available, but we do know that at least half a million
units were sold in the system’s first year. Overall, reception was positive. The main
complaints were the limited range of the wireless functionality, the extremely small keyboard,
and the simplicity of the games. There were at least 430 of those games available, though, so
at least Cybiko fans didn’t want for variety. So what ultimately caused the death of
the Cybiko? The world may never know. It was mobile phones, though; the
world knows that quite well. Phones came down in price and did everything the
Cybiko did better and more easily. Still, it was an interesting device and
one that is remembered fondly. #11: NEC PC Engine LT (1991)
Bless NEC; they really did think they were on to something with this “handheld home console” idea.
Shortly after the launch of the TurboExpress, they tried another approach with the PC
Engine LT. This version had a clamshell design to keep the screen safe and it accepted
PC Engine peripherals, meaning it could play the entire 700-game home console library.
You could even connect a controller if you found its built-in controls uncomfortable.
It was also, however, hideously expensive, selling for the equivalent of around $1,100 today.
That’s more than twice the cost of a TurboExpress, which was already causing anyone who saw
its price tag to drop dead on the spot. In complete fairness to NEC, the cost was
understandable. The technology was genuinely impressive and it had by far the highest-quality
screen of any handheld on the market. Of course, when it comes down to choosing between
a handheld console and the possibility of having children one day, the console is going to
suffer. Sales figures are not available, but it performed poorly enough that any
plans for a Western release were scuppered. It’s since become a sought-after item on the
collector’s market. For once, I can see why. #10: Evercade (2020)
The newest handheld on this list, the Evercade – made by…uh…Evercade – was designed
entirely to cater to fans of retro gaming. It’s especially nice for those who
aren’t comfortable with emulation, as the ports on the Evercade are
fully licensed, official releases. The unfortunate thing is that the handheld does
not support direct arcade ports; instead, arcade games are represented by their usually inferior
console versions. That’s not necessarily a deal breaker, though, especially when you consider the
system sells for a mere $80, and each cartridge available represents a collection of games, often
from major studios such as Atari, Interplay, and Namco. In fact, there are around 200 games
available for the system as of this writing, and they’re spread across only 17 releases,
making it easy to collect for. That’s honestly not bad for its first year on the market.
Early reviewers criticized the system for lackluster emulation and an inability to remap
controls, but Evercade heard and responded to those concerns through firmware updates. The
company has already earned a reputation for being receptive and responsive, and a potential
successor that supports games from later generations – and, hopefully, the arcade – has
the potential to rankeven higher on this list. #9: Bandai WonderSwan (1999)
It takes a thief to catch a thief, as they say. Demonstrably false, but they
still say it. Idiots. Anyway, point is, if anyone had a shot at taking down the Game Boy,
it would be a man who helped develop it. Gunpei Yokoi left Nintendo in 1996 and soon started to
lead development of the WonderSwan for Bandai. Tragically, he didn’t live to see how the
system turned out, as he was struck and killed by a motorist in 1997. Two years later, the
WonderSwan was complete and released in Japan, where it did shockingly well. By some estimates
it captured as much as 8% of the handheld market, which may not sound impressive, but
considering Nintendo’s dominance, that was a significant chunk.
It was a decently powerful system that ran on a single AA battery, could be
played either horizontally or vertically, and had a library of around 200 games. It
even featured impressive third-party support, with games from the Final Fantasy, Mega Man,
and Clock Tower series putting in appearances. There was also a puzzle game called Gunpey,
named for the console’s fallen designer. It sold around 3.5 million units
before being discontinued in 2003. #8: Sega Game Gear (1990)
Arriving almost exactly one year after the Lynx hit shelves, the Game Gear was
in a good position. It had seen what Nintendo had been doing for the past year with its Game
Boy, it had seen where the Lynx went wrong, and Sega’s own Mega Drive had established the
company as a serious competitor in the industry. Enter the Game Gear, which sold at a
significantly lower price than the Lynx, had a much larger library, and featured
games starring beloved characters, such as Sonic the Hedgehog, Sonic Spinball, Sonic
Chaos, Sonic Labyrinth, Sonic Blast, Sonic Drift, and probably some other games, who knows?
Fans responded positively to its color screen. At least until anything began to move,
at which point the games looked like somebody sneezed them onto the unit. It had fans, though,
which put it at an advantage over the Lynx. Still, the system was a distant second to
Nintendo. Sega claims that 14 million units were sold, but that’s a far cry from the
Game Boy’s 118.6 million units. The Game Gear is often considered a failure as
a result. Is that fair? Not really; but when you’re that far behind the winner, even
a second-place finish can seem like a thrashing. #7: Sony PlayStation Vita (2011)
Ah, the Vita. The only handheld console that tears open old wounds just by being mentioned. Sony
created what is still one of the most advanced and powerful handhelds ever, and then spent
its entire life pretending it didn’t exist. It was puzzling to say the least, especially
since Sony had the good fortune to release the handheld at precisely the moment every
other company had been waiting for: a significant stumble for Nintendo. That company’s
3DS flopped out of the gate. Sony responded by…expending less effort than you’re expending
in watching this video. They gave Nintendo plenty of time get the 3DS back on track and
leave the Vita in the dust, which it did, selling around 76 million units
compared to the Vita’s 15 million. Sony steadfastly refused to support it, and may
have restricted its success from the start by requiring the purchase of expensive, proprietary
memory cards as opposed to the more-common SD cards. It was a stroke of greed that made
the Vita a less appealing purchase up front. As a piece of hardware, it had serious potential.
Sony, for reasons we cannot begin to fathom, squandered every last bit of it. We’re sorry for
making you relive the trauma. I love my vita. #6: Nintendo 3DS (2011)
Well, speak of the three-dimensional devil. After years of dominating the handheld market,
Nintendo must have gotten complacent. Either that, or they hit their heads really,
really hard. The 3DS released with a massive price tag (around $290 when adjusted for
inflation) and no games. Well, not literally, but when you release with Pilotwings Resort,
yet another port of Rayman 2, and whatever Steel Diver is, you might as well have no games.
Critics were impressed by the 3D effect and the potential of augmented reality, but when you
couldn’t do much more than pet a Nintendog with it, they found the system difficult to
recommend. Then Nintendo did what Sony didn’t: They, y’know…fixed it. They dropped the price,
fast-tracked development on major titles, added a Virtual Console…basically everything
they should have done in the first place. The 3DS did not reach the heights of the DS
that preceded it, but it sold admirably and was backwards compatible with that system’s
library. Nintendo has had some major successes over the years and some high-profile failures,
but this might be the only time they truly turned one into the other. It was a remarkable
comeback, and the system deserved it. #5: Sony PlayStation Portable (2004)
The PlayStation Portable – or PSP if you wanna get time sensitive about this - was
Sony’s first attempt at a handheld console, and compared to some other first attempts on this
list, we have to say it was a darned good one. It was priced significantly higher than its
competitor the DS – the PSP was about $350 when adjusted for inflation, with the DS being
only around $200 – but it had an excellent launch, with its entire stock in the UK
selling out within three hours. Critics found fault with it – the buffoons –
mainly due to the ease with which its screen could be damaged; that was one area in which the DS was
clearly superior. They were also baffled by the plastic sandwich that was the UMD, when cartridges
had been the more-convenient norm for handhelds. But no amount of griping undid the fact that the
PSP had games that Nintendo simply never would, with installments in series such as God of War,
Jak & Daxter, Metal Gear Solid, Persona, and more. The PSP had a total of about 1,700
games and was supported for a full decade. With somewhere around 80 million units
sold, the PlayStation Portable is the 10th best-selling console ever, and the best-selling
handheld that was not made by Nintendo. #4: Nintendo Game Boy (1989)
This is it. The entire reason anyone even talks about handheld gaming today. The
Game Boy was, and remains, one of the industry’s finest accomplishments. As we’ve seen, handheld
consoles predated the Game Boy by a full decade, but never before had they been able
to offer experiences as long, as deep, or as impressive as what the Game Boy did.
It was closer to what the NES offered than anyone could have rightfully expected,
and it introduced several new franchises that outlived the little guy, such
as Kirby, Shantae, and Pokémon. It also gave us handheld adventures in established
series, such as Super Mario, The Legend of Zelda, Metroid, Mega Man, Castlevania, and just about
anything else that was even remotely relevant at the time. Also, we hear Tetris was pretty good.
Of course, it had a tiny screen, issues with motion blur, and could only display the
colors you’d find on a dehydration chart (issues remedied by the Game Boy Color
and Pocket variants), but that ultimately didn’t matter. It established Nintendo’s
dominance in the handheld space and that’s a dominance that continues to this very day.
It sold just under 119 million units in all, making it the second-best
selling handheld console ever. #3: Nintendo Switch (2017)
Well, if it isn’t our old friend the Nintendo Switch! I haven’t seen you
since we ranked every home console. Doing well, I see. #3 on this list? Well, you
have been moving up in the world! Yes, complain if you must – and I get it; you
must – but the Switch is both a home console and a handheld, so it gets spots on both
lists. If that angers you, just pretend we’re focusing on the Switch Lite, which is
entirely handheld. And if you’re still upset…I don’t know, maybe talk to a doctor?
Nintendo’s hybrid console was exactly what the company needed after the long, painful demise
of the Wii U. It showed that Nintendo could still innovate and bring unique ways of enjoying games
into homes all around the world. As we’ve seen, Nintendo has a near-perfect understanding of
how to make handhelds. Merging that side of their business with the home console side was a
savvy move. It wouldn’t have meant much if the games suffered for it, but with releases like
Breath of the Wild and Super Mario Odyssey, it’s clear Nintendo’s games are as
reliably brilliant as ever. In addition, you can play The Witcher 3in a public toilet.
That alone deserves some pretty high marks. #2: Nintendo Game Boy Advance (2001)
Nintendo must have been pretty hesitant to leave its Game Boy behind. It was a literal
worldwide phenomenon, but there came a time that they simply had to move on. Enter the Game
Boy Advance, which did not eclipse the Game Boy in sales, but did so in every other regard.
It was less expensive at launch (around $150 when adjusted for inflation), it had a game
library that was larger by about a third, it was more powerful, it was more
convenient, and the games…well… The Game Boy found its success in
large part because it was home to installments of beloved franchises, even
if those installments were nearly always a bit lacking when compared to their console
counterparts. The Game Boy Advance, however, saw installments that were so good, they’re still
considered series highlights. The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap, Metroid Fusion, Mega Man Zero,
Pokémon Rubyand Sapphire, Advance Wars, Wario Land 4, Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow…the list goes on.
As rightly adored as the Game Boy was, the Game Boy Advance simply allowed developers to
do so much more, and they rose to the occasion. With around 1,500 games in its library, it
has both more and better games than almost any other handheld in gaming history. Pick
one up, if you haven’t already. Just make sure you get an Advance SP with a backlight;
the games are even better when you can see them. #1: Nintendo DS (2004) Everything about the DS positioned it for
success. It had a fair price (only around $200 in today’s money), backwards compatibility meaning
the entire GBA library was available to newcomers, and it launched with installments in franchises
such as Pokémon, Metroid Prime, and Mario. The dual-screen design opened new possibilities to
developers, and though many of them just slapped together some touchscreen minigames, there were
notable exceptions to the disappointing rule. It offered unique experiences that
simply were not possible elsewhere. It’s difficult to remember at this point how much
of a risk the DS really was. With the GameCube struggling, Nintendo needed a hit. In fact, prior
to launch, former Nintendo president and chairman of its board of directors told the newspaper
Nikkei that “if the DS succeeds, we will rise to heaven, but if it fails we will sink to hell.”
That may sound dramatic, but it can’t have been far from the truth. Fortunately for him and
the rest of Nintendo, they escaped damnation. The DS was a success, selling almost 155 million
units worldwide, which is more than all but one other console in history; the PS2
outsold it by only about a million units. It’s the best handheld of all time, and it looks
likely to stay that way. So did Nintendo rise to Heaven? We can’t promise that, but they did
rise to the top of our list of every handheld ranked from worst to best. I think we can
all agree that that’s the higher honor. And that’s every handheld ranked from
worst to best. How many of them have you accidentally misplaced? What did your grandmother
mistakenly buy you when you asked for a Game Boy? Do you think the Switch has killed handheld
gaming as we know it? I can’t hear you if you answer those questions out loud, so be
sure to type your responses below instead. Also, if you have suggestions for other
“Every X Ranked from Worst to Best” videos, let us know. As this video proves, badger
us enough and we’ll cave eventually. You can follow TripleJump on Twitter
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