- [Brian] Um, we are so,
there's so much pressure, and judged on what we've done and our work and all these pieces, and the ritual of becoming a man, and Is that something that you see as one of those pieces where you're like wait a second, this is fascist, or this is something
that's really out of whack? - [Esther] But it's an out of whack that has already changed quite a bit. Probably the most important change for modern man is the invention of fatherhood. Fatherhood that is no
longer solely defined by being a provider,
and by the materiality, but fatherhood in which you can become an emotional unit. A father that has an
emotional relationship with his children, fathers that spend way more
time with their children than any of the generations before. So, I think that there
has been a major shift which is that if people
work to love before because they had to,
that's a different story versus those who want to. But in the past, they
probably didn't experience the same kind of conflict because it's not like they wanted to be home with their children and then they were working, and then they were
justifying their working because after all, they are doing it for their children but they will not see
those children enough while they're doing
all this stuff for them that kind of, - [Brian] The 50s mad man mentality - [Esther] Yes, so now you
have more conflict about it which is why you have men of all kinds trying to find other ways to work without having to forgo
their entire personal life, family life, emotional life, you know and relationship with their
children and partners. Men partners, female partners. So, I think there's already a big change but I do, as a child of survivors I will say, one of the
most important books I read at 15 or so was "The search for meaning" by Viktor Frankl, a book that for a while has been forgotten and has now been brought
back even by business week in its research on happiness. It's like the man won't die because the man actually said
something that is essential which is that we are creatures of meaning, and that ultimately what
will make us feel good is meaning, and one of the
things that gives us meaning is our accomplishments, our
achievements, our legacies but the other register
of what makes us feel meaningful is what we
represent for others, it's how others carry us inside of them. After all, that is why the
legacy will last because somebody will remember what I did. I could have done lots of things but if you don't remember it, it will no longer exist after I go. So we need others, we are creatures of meaning, we are also wired for connection, so, we want others to matter to us, and we want to feel that we matter to them it's what allows us to
move around in the world. I can walk around freely in the world because I know that there
are people all over the world that are thinking of me,
holding me inside of them and I do the same, so that I am alone and never fully alone it's a both end, 'cause on the one end, we are really alone, and on the other end, we are not really alone. And it's that thing that makes me say that the quality of our life depends on the quality of our relationships. Because the relationships give you both, the connection and the meaning. The meaning not just of
the connection itself, but of everything else you will have done. If no one knows about it,
has it really happened? Yes, I can do a lot of things by myself and for myself but does it exist differently
if others know about it, share it, distribute it, create a legacy. - [Brian] Right. So as men were changing, I think about these things all the time. I think about the work, and the family, and the trade of. So we're obviously changing than say the Don Draper 60 years ago when maybe it was all about work, and he would tell the
woman, I'm doing it for you maybe he was actually-- (classical music) To watch the rest of this
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