Episode 12 - Chaos with Ben Cahn

hello hi what episode is this 12 12. and we have ben khan hi host of it's really near mine i'm just kidding host a trillionaire mindset he also has the greatest radio voice thank you yeah do i yeah i think i do yeah [ __ ] that feels so good to hear thank you yeah i mean i would say like radio was before like you have a great podcast voice obviously now but radio makes more sense i used to think that my voice was i mean i still do think that it's very nasally and shitty uh-huh but yeah nasally is in nasally is in look at the kardashians are they nasally you have nasally voiced yeah i never noticed that kim especially we are talking too much i know elena i know i should i blame myself for this yeah we do not talk at the beginning i'm still learning this this cold open is brought to us by sarah it's her first one yeah contributing it was a surprise it was supposed to be a surprise but then i just felt like the logistics of making a surprise and then bringing it out and you know it might as well just show off what do we do we are gonna do a version of the hot ones okay have you guys seen the show i love the show of course and i always feel like the people that go on are such babies they're they're crying i'm gonna be a baby um so we're gonna start slow and we're starting and tell the tell the audio listeners we have a chip and not uh it's not wings alex is like how are you gonna do the wings i'm like alex i'm vegetarian i've never had a wing in my life you've never had a wing in your life no poor thing i know it's such a hard life for me i know they're delicious but i've had cauliflower wings they're all so good really they're good yeah um so we have a dorito adjacent chip yes we have a corn chip and then we have cheese on the sides in case it gets too hot it'll bring it down just so everybody knows the um the ratio of sauce to chip is like generous i actually took like some sauce off of yours because i like you i was worried the first one's like so are we starting on the left yes start and when do you want us to go right now okay okay just while we do this okay do you have a uh any sort of dead pet first pet story oh yeah boomer my big fat white labrador died oh not dogs we won't talk about dogs wait so you didn't have any gerbils that died in your possession yeah i think the dog story might make me sad okay let me tell you about me you want to hear about my first dead pet wow this is hot okay next one okay i'm kind of pissed off now oh no that was too much i'm mad i'm mad because i i know i'm not gonna be able to handle it that was that was a little i could cry that was a little middle hit it's not gonna be as bad next time holy [ __ ] are you doing okay are you doing okay i feel my intestines have a little slice of cheese that's just where the cheese here i won't be able to do this podcast i'm i can tell i'm going to have the little spasms oh my god no the like we talked about yeah the heartburn no not the heartburn oh god the um the hiccup oh yeah [ __ ] i can't you guys oh god give me literally get another slice of cheese [Laughter] the cheese doesn't help no i don't want pepsi what's pepsi do oh cheese really helps me oh my god you gave me the boost [Laughter] are you okay this actually makes me feel good oh my god she's leaving you don't have to finish elena is she okay i'll go to the next chip this is [ __ ] up melinda's extra this only has two out of five yeah it's not as bad try that one i didn't know alina was gonna leave the room oh my god oh my god wait straight from the carton that is so unlike you [Laughter] it's not expired how you doing i would never drink it from the cart i know but i literally feel like i'm dying i'm sorry no you rigged my that was i didn't regulate the wrong chick i didn't rig yours i promise that one is da bomb [Laughter] uh is this water i'm okay [Laughter] the next one i want to hear about your gerbil okay all right all right so should i just finish just a quick reminder for audio listeners they're eating chips yeah it's coating my tongue it's like i don't i honestly i don't think i want to eat the the final one i think it's going to be too much i don't think it won't be i don't think so i know it says xxx on there but don't worry about that just ignore that part you will die right here today i don't trust you she's over here eating this food yeah i'll just finish this last one just for funsies all right let's see i want to see this is it does it is this isn't the hottest one yeah that's the hottest oh is it like ghost pepper or something you know i don't know i should look i'm not sure what pepper that is but ghost pepper is pretty hot i i have a i have a bit that helium tears the other side of my face is gone i've never done stand up but i've worked i i have a lot of stand up bits written and one of them relates to hot sauces and the scoville unit thing and i can't remember exactly what it is but it pisses me off that instead of like one to a hundred they have it like oh this one's 14 million it's like it's like they let a child they let a child dictate the the scale like bill how hot is that uh it's like a million hot that's how it feels with the scoville i always feel like there's no heat ratio from hot sauce to hot sauce like for example they'll put like four peppers on one of the bottles and they'll be like oh this is three peppers worth of heat yeah and i'm like how does this transfer hot as [ __ ] like two one out of a hundred do one out of a hundred yeah just tap it yeah that's like an eight and eight yeah so lula that's like an eight that one was like in [ __ ] 80. that was it that was sanity it feels better now like i'm mad at you i'm maddie wait wait how do you feel having had the green ones completely fine so how does that relate to the da bomb i think the green one uh last ab tastes better okay i would give it a go i think you're you're you're there what about melinda's melinda's is delicious it's not hot how do you know it's hot because i looked at the bottle wait okay so because it feels like the bomb has now kind of set the bar hotness i don't think you're going to experience what you just did with melinda go do it don't do it don't do it melinda was my first girlfriend's name it's really good that one haven't even talked about any of our topics that's okay man that one's not bad right no so far i don't know why i'm putting it on one side of my tongue the side of the tongue that already got burned what uh what time are we at 20 minutes 21 minutes huh wow i counted that in my head dead durable dead gerbil it wasn't a gerbil oh no do you know what a derby is yeah it's a little hamster so it is a hit we still don't know and let's keep it that way for being honest i'm never going to google gerbil well that is tasty isn't it good it almost kind of cleaned my palate out i know and you have to have the melinda's it like seriously yeah that's melinda look at this lake of hot sauce she put in there yeah i i swear to god it really isn't bad it's not bad look at my reaction because that one hurt me too but like i'm fine it was actually kind of tasty okay i'll tell you about my rat it hurts so i don't remember why or or what the story was but our first pets were rats we had katie she was a little white rat and then mine was a boy named baby boy and he was a he was i was probably like five five four five excuse me is it the hot sauce no it's just i'm sorry this is part of the reason why my girlfriend thinks that i have an ulcer because i burp so frequently yeah but i think that my problem is i've been told that i inhale too much air when i eat and drink so i'm like because i just can't get enough i understand that but anyway baby boy baby boy had huge balls and he was are these chewables he was great our rats were great they were they would sit on your shoulder what color were they baby boy was white with a black head katie was white we did have a third whose name i can't remember and she was [ __ ] up she had like a one pink eye it was like she was blind and she had like a tumor on her tail and she was the little freak this is terrible but we loved her all the same but so the tragedy is twofold um first of all you know the rats rats die they die after like a couple years baby boy died i don't a couple years that's their lifeline yeah lifespan yeah [ __ ] but so talk our rats were we fancied them as little athletes because they would run up the stairs with us run down the stairs you just had these rats flying free not in a cage no they were caged but like we would take them out and play with them and they would follow you yeah they were rats are great pets and they're really intelligent and they like yeah they would sit on my shoulder and baby boy would lay on my um i would watch tv and he would lay on my chest and fall asleep and i would just pet his little head he was great little guy but so one fateful night we were in um one of my brother's bedrooms and we had set up pillows on the floor and we had this closet door and we put katie on top of the closet door so that if she fell off she would land safely onto the pillows below well oh no one of us didn't know that she was on the top of the closet and closed the door and it must have snapped her neck or something because the rat i still remember the rat fell down she fell down and then was just like seizing basically and we went and grabbed my mom and yeah it was like 9 30 p.m on a sunday or something and my poor mom is just like oh god what do i do so my mom's brilliant idea to humanely euthanize katie was to stick her in a shoe box and put her in the freezer oh no what and i mean what else are you going to do a lot freezing yeah oh my god did she try to get out of the box no okay she was i mean it was like and you guys knew that as a little kid that you were freezing your rat and she i'm almost as bad as burning into life repairing it a lot no freezing to death is a peaceful way to go they say you just get tired and fall asleep cold first but cold first yeah your nipples do be popping so her little rat nipples were just [ __ ] rock hard for a minute but then my mom my mom had us all right like because we were we were traumatized we were crying and stuff and she was mad at us for having killed the rat right so she's like you're gonna write a letter to katie and like apologizing to our dead rat and i remember like tearfully being like i'm sorry katie i'm sorry yeah so that was the first one wow that was the first uh pet did you kill me i'll just take toilet paper give me the whole roll what's going on give me a roll wait what you got to blow your nose i just yeah on camera you know this is my like biggest fear like remember how i said when you knew a kid was blowing their nose outside blowing all over you oh no what a used one no get me a new one you don't need a new toilet paper roll people's butts don't smell like they they don't roll it out and then roll it back in and now you're just well now if you guys go pee in that bathroom there's no teepee that's certainly do be true uh wait so you don't want to hear about dog death too yeah oh so little animals are worth less yeah yeah and they're all four red die in the most traumatic ways it's like everyone everyone has yeah no one has just like a natural death yeah i mean yeah dogs usually get like cancer or a tumor of some sort which is really [ __ ] up when you think about it that doesn't make sense i'll do the sound effects if you bloom are you feeling it thank god we got new toilet paper yeah okay we move on i would like to discuss something oh god okay are you okay i'm okay i'm worried about it i'm not okay you'll be okay i'm a little delusional um what's one conspiracy theory that has kept you up at night like one that you just cannot get over [ __ ] um if you need time we have some yeah what do you edited out the dead air no no i have like we've been thinking about yeah give me yours first yeah go ahead okay flight mhm i spent like a month of my life at work on my work computer just reading about it and didn't do any work because understandable i just i was obsessed with it you need to know what's your favorite part about it like what's like the one fact that really gets your attention okay um there were four people on that flight that were patenting some technology it's always that was it a water engine it was like invisible cloaking oh like radar detection for planes that sounds really interesting that's what i read at the time almost imagine you think that there'd be an easier way to kill those people i know then like well let's wait till they get on an airplane together and the fifth one wasn't on the plane so then he became like the patent holder so he maybe killed them is what you maybe had them killed to take hold of the patent what a dick or or the pilot you know was like i'm just gonna kill us all and then the malaysian government covered it all up because there were no traces yeah of the airplane anywhere and what what do you think about that how does the whole thing disappear 300 well it was over the ocean right but anything can be found no [ __ ] deep ocean deep ocean is not a conspiracy theory it's just like it exists but we live in a time where nothing is goes unnoticed i'm looking up on just so you know i'm just looking up on reddit best conspiracy because i know that there's probably a reddit one where i'm gonna be like oh yeah that one's the one that i like there was one fact about that the 307 flight and i can't remember it perfectly but three nine was it three nine seven right no just for sam as you said but like it was either a pilot or a person on on the plane who like wrote who called their wife or something yeah and he said like this it was like it was codes yeah he was giving codes and the codes like related to like they're here for us they're coming like yes like we're we're being taken like the someone received that message from somebody on the flight which to me i have [ __ ] chills just thinking about that how how did no one how could they not track down well maybe it went down maybe they couldn't no but then australia hired like a private firm just the whole country to like dig into it and find what happened to the plane and they went and searched all deep diving through the ocean and they couldn't find anything how could you not find 300 bodies well even one or foot well that's what i'm saying like there's certain parts of the ocean that scare me as much as that conspiracy theory yeah but because how low does it go there's currents yeah but we'll always get recently but there's also like huge mountain ranges right there's bigger mountain ranges under the water than there is on land so say it goes [ __ ] deep ocean yeah but this isn't the 1600s that yeah because a plane crashed for sure it's like it's now time but if you get stuck down in a [ __ ] mountain range underwater yeah something bodies float yeah but airplane sink and also animals would eat the [ __ ] out of you megalodons quickly there is a conspiracy theory that megalodon still exists i believe it i'm and i'm on board honestly i mean the ocean covers the majority of the earth and we simply because like sunlight only reaches so far down yeah beyond that it's just like i know dark nothingless there's no way for us to know what is down there that's what that's why i'm sick about it yeah i'm sick of it well that's fine if things exist there that we don't know but if a plane goes there we should be able to find something from it and the government should be able to i did didn't they find pieces of wealth it was fake really yeah i thought that it was a missile that took it down a russian oh i heard that that's a different flight oh really that was yeah that was a passenger flight that was shot shot down over ukraine it's a different flight it didn't happen like two weeks later though it was like right around the time it got everyone all stirred up about flights but there is also another theory that they landed somewhere in south africa and like everyone is still alive i could also believe that 100 yep i feel like if someone doesn't want you to know something you're not going to [ __ ] know and that's what well potion conspiracy theory no i'm scared about that so something that we've discovered now i've learned about i know is that a decently smart person okay i'm okay and i will believe any conspiracy theory i'm on board anything anything yeah i'll i'll tend to give them at least the time of day yeah even if someone presents other facts sometimes i'm like well i don't know i still believe the conspiracy theory my my why do i keep getting wet on my because you're very had hot stuff yeah i guess how's everyone's stomach i'm fine i am dying i wish that you guys would eat your last chip i kind of want to do it but i'm i am pretty nervous that one will not be as bad i promise you as what you experienced for i am shaking really i promise how is that one not as bad as dub um i don't know how but i i consume a lot of the last ab just like in a recreational way okay here we go all right conspiracy theory so god i have so many wait i just did that and not as bad as the bomb right it tastes like oh my god ben i can't believe you just did that it tastes like another hot sauce i can't put my finger on it but it's kind of it kind of tastes like uh it kind of tastes like salsa verde that you would get but spicier yeah it's not not that bad in there not in there but i've taken the dab oh we won't bring that please please move on we're moving on okay so i have a couple and i'm gonna try to like hone it in because i can't talk about everything but here's my few princess diana's death frank's really high for me as she's murdered yeah uh the denver airport i'm convinced there's a city underneath [Laughter] the titans because of the artwork in the denver airport not just the artwork there's a lot of stuff going down the titanic the titanic you have a kind of a [ __ ] up brain too huh yeah yeah yeah 100 cheers the titanic was not it wasn't the titanic that sunk and they sunk that chip what the [ __ ] yeah yeah wait wait you can't just gloss over that we have to pick one i know no i should go into let me think about which one is okay let's talk about princess diana no no that's the least interesting yeah i want to know what so the titanic didn't sink well here's the conspiracy theory that the titanic was not your theory oh i just did i just no this theory exists the titanic was not the actual ship that took off it was a sister boat it was a sister boat and that sister boat was already like kind of going down like it was going downhill so and the reason that it sunk was the whole central banking system right so jp morgan was supposed to be on that boat alex do you know this i did read this one hell yes okay so jp morgan was supposed to be on that boat and he like was coming up with this uh the central banking system the reserve the whole like forever yes the like privatized banks like not being controlled by the government yada yada there was three people on that ship that were going against him three super powerful people was astor one of them yes yeah and he was on that boat and jp morgan was supposed to be on the boat and then backed away and he gave his ticket to jack and jack went on i'm just kidding and um and then the ship sank a lot of people that were rescued from the titanic claim there was no iceberg that that did not exist there was no icebergs in the water and that the boat was not hit that way what did they say why did they think it was a dolphin with a bomb attack no they think it was a fire in the boiler room and that that fire was like they they put that fire on purpose so but what what was the motive to lie about the name of the boat so the motive to lie was they knew they knew that boat was going to go off and sink they knew they were going to kill those people they needed those three guys to die in order for the federal reserve to take place so instead of getting this beautiful ship titanic out into the water they put the sister ship that looks almost exactly the same in so the titanic still exists i don't know if it's out there that begs the question where's the real titanic you know it's probably where the the malaysian flight is somewhere bermuda triangle deep sea um so i i'm very intrigued by by that one again i see the problem that i have with those kind of conspiracy theories is it would be so much easier to just kill three people than kill like thirteen people but and then those people this is the thing this is the thing about these conspiracy theories the idea is it has to look like an accident and if these people are super super powerful um it can't like people can't know that they were trying to kill those people in order for this thing to pass so it has to look like this is a mistake and so like 3d people biggest like maritime disaster right generation exactly well listen if it's think about like the amount of money that probably goes into that have you seen that video of the people getting onto the titanic yeah and it's all sped up because that's what it was back then they were like when i watched the titanic i thought that was how i was gonna die like i i always put myself in every situation like you were gonna be like leo on it or maybe it's volcanoes back in like there were a bunch my dad's cousin wrote dante's peek i loved that movie wait you guys think you're gonna die by volcano i did yeah any movie i watched he's blowing his nose i know what's going on it's a little i'm not like get me a new roll also like don't you have tissue in this house why is it teeth yeah what's something else i know i don't have kleenex either why i have clean up you've got toilet paper but listen this is the type of house that i feel like deserves kleenex yeah like my house i'm not gonna i don't have space for cleaning bathroom space anyway i watched the titanic and i thought this is how i was gonna die i watched dante's peak and i thought i'm gonna die in that jacuzzi scene that they were in remember for me actually it was terminator 2 because in terminator 2 there was a very graphic uh dream sequence where there's a nuclear bomb dropped on los angeles and i was like oh that's going to happen to la it's inevitable yeah and i i actually put off moving to la from long beach for like years because so we're all extremely gullible yes um not me you guys i didn't think i was going to die by volcano no i think that the titanic was just not me i'm not going jp morgan chase well it's possible there's a good backstory wait go go into the other what was the third that was the third that was the third oh denver denver love the whole love the whole denver thing is there another one though yeah and then my other one that i wrote down was the malaysia flight because i love when things disappear yeah that was 370 by the way you were thinking of 17. 370. so 307. i do that with numbers i do my my biggest conspiracy theory i guess uh revolves around like aliens and uh yeah just it's not so much a conspiracy theory just as a so much like uh we you know we will excuse me do you think that all the ufo videos with the lights and sky they're all real not the lights in the sky ones i think the ones that were declassified from like the navy pilots those ones are the ones that really are the most legitimate i think um i i don't know i i i think when you look at like ancient civilizations and the influence of outside knowledge it strikes me as curious like oh what's going on there maybe some ancient you know [ __ ] aliens came down and bestowed upon us certain pieces of wisdom i don't know no chiropractics they came out down and taught us how to that's a dumb joke just because it sounds like i request because at first i thought you said that and i was like no anyway what is this conspiracy theory it's just that so much conspiracy just so much that like yeah we we got we're we were not alone i guess aliens exist okay the most milk toast vanilla yeah give us another one uh i don't believe ghosts are real oh no so aliens are real but ghosts aren't real ghosts aren't real in the sense that like dead people don't come back i think that um i don't know i i think that for me it's complicated because i think that yeah your your spirit or whatever energy does kind of live on through some kind of what the [ __ ] ever i don't know but if there were ghosts by now we would have concrete proof and if there were ghosts they'd be [ __ ] up things left and right they'd be like like if i were a ghost i'd be constantly i'd just put myself in every movie i'd just be like oh they're filming a new movie you're gonna have to photoshop me out because i'm just gonna be ghosts are invisible well no because they happen sometimes okay we can't reference casper as an actual ghost sometimes ghosts can interact with the material world right yeah like to shove a plate or something or like move lights and sometimes they can't yeah but so who knows who knows we'll find out what i would like to say that i don't know hopefully you're so conspiracy theory you what i don't know if that's a conspiracy that's just like a thought yeah i feel like in regards to that as another kind of thought all right give us i love the [ __ ] pyramids as like who built those [ __ ] and you know all the measurements you know why don't no you can make a conspiracy theory since ben doesn't have one okay what do you mean you can't just conspiracy theories are real you can't just make one of them oh you know what's an interesting one is like bigfoot that's one and do you believe it uh do i believe in bigfoot no okay you have to pick a conspiracy theory that you actually believe in oh man see you what sucks is as soon as i get in my car i'm gonna go like oh that one moon landing how about that moon landing uh didn't happen actually as as i get older i believe that it is entirely possible that it was faked in order to bankrupt the soviet union because yeah now it's like girl there is no way we are getting in the 60s getting on the moon we were still having like a segregation back then you should have seen the tvs at the time and all of a sudden you can just yeah [ __ ] out of here and when you and the video looks so big well what gets me is like hey if we got video all the guys coming out of the thing for the first time who set up the tripod even though i guess you could argue that like well they went out and set it up first and then went back up and were like well okay now let's pretend like we're getting out for the first time yeah i don't know there's like excuse who's who's that's not me i never have my phone with me also is that facebook messenger is that that sound yeah to put it oh [ __ ] this episode is so much chaos oh yeah we love chaos what were you just saying i literally blacked out because that was my phone uh just there are so many things that have to go perfectly right it's like you launch and then you've got to go to the moon and it like goes around the moon and drops off the little uh the little guy the little moon unit yep and then while the rest while the guys are on the moon the thing is just like orbiting the moon and then when it's time to leave you got to launch off and then like reconnect with that [ __ ] and then make it back get the [ __ ] out of here give me a break come on i'm into that but but can't we like see the flag that we put up with telescopes no no that's that's why it's fake you can never see it no one's ever seen it also like what's no i'm not even gonna go into that no what i was just gonna be like what's up with the moon why can you see it during the day you know like look at this [ __ ] oh well that one's i'm just curious i know it's science it's the one that you make up i know it's science why can you see the moon during the day and sometimes and sometimes not well because it just depends on where it is in the sky i guess but why like if it's sunny why is the moon there uh because i mean it reflects you know it's not like uh i really just don't know like i thought the moon and the sun i mean sorry it seemed obvious i thought they just go like this i mean they're not always at opposite ends of each other that's the thing the moon do be orbiting but we also be orbiting yeah the sun god there's too many things be orbiting you know you know what scares me though about space is how there are certain like we still don't know what the hell is out there in terms of things that could destroy us right like meteors and stuff because like what if there's one coming at us in the sun is behind it and it's like we can't we can't squint and see it it's like well i look at the sun so yeah why i recently discovered like three years ago that you're not supposed to look at the sun i i learned that in like middle school did they like do it once and you're like ow no oh when they say well let's watch the sunset i thought you watched the sun okay i feel better about my whole moon thing at this point but like as it goes lower i look at it yeah you can do it i don't look directly at it i'm not supposed to says who doctors well that's what i'm saying there should be signs don't look at the sun yeah like parking signs especially like sunset spots don't look at the sun no people that are with other people should tell them well i was doing it and i said to noah i'm like i'm seeing a lot of spots and he was like why and i'm like because i cannot connect and he was like you don't look at the sun and i was like i thought that was just for eclipses oh you know they were the special glasses yeah because you can't i thought it was just for that didn't we learn this in school like don't know no one taught me that well there's looking at the sun up there and then there's looking at it down here where you can you know you can look at it without it hurting so much but it's still bad yeah you can you can go blind if you do it long enough i know and that's why i'm just complaining you know so i called my mom and i got upset with her because she had never told me don't look at the sunset and her defense maybe your sister should have told you too there were lots of things i wasn't taught i mean [ __ ] that's my thing you're not taught a lot yeah you decided this i was taught nothing about everything what do you mean hence my moon question like i didn't i didn't learn anything important that i needed to carry into my adult life and it's parents were like honey sit down we gotta teach you about the moon we actually did learn about that like i did we learned about the moon we learned about all of that okay but it was true no one in it no one in an astron astronomy astronomy astronomy lesson was like don't look at the sun but they were like i think it's like one of those things like moon's rotation don't [ __ ] outside like it's obvious you know like why would that be obvious because it's a beautiful thing it supplies every everything that we need in this world the moment you do it you know it's wrong [ __ ] outside uh i mean i would argue that in the moments leading up to it you should know that it's wrong for example when you're pulling down your pants when people are looking at you oh you're doing it yeah in public not in a public place i mean no i've never [ __ ] in toilet in public before have you it just seems like something it does that's fair that's fair i've earned that sort of assumption uh no but i have certainly pissed in public okay but not like with people anywhere yeah that's true we can just aim yeah up down we have a 360 degree yeah jealous also curious talking about space what scares you more yes deep sea or deep space deep space deep space okay yeah i'm almost more freaked out by deep sea because it's closer to me like deep space i can't even go there you know but deep sea yeah you could end up there exactly beyond that flight what's comforting to me about deep sea is obviously those [ __ ] aren't coming out and walking on land because we already have that privilege yeah that's their territory and that's fine because uh yeah unless i'm on like a ship that's gonna get like yeah are you a [ __ ] like have you been on a cruise no have you been on a cruise no yeah i'm not a chris person either but just saying like what if you're on a cruise megalodon enters your world i feel like a cruise ship though is big enough that a fish would be like i don't trust that mechanical thing that thing is huge that's a bigger predator than i am plus we would already have some kind of stories about whales or something [ __ ] with the ships i guess that's true but and they actually get injured by ships in my imagination megalodons are like super smart yeah and they're like hypotons aren't real right no okay so they say they say but like what could be down in the deep ocean like what kind of shark or predator maybe it's not a shark maybe it's a giant squid mermaids no you know i really hope so but i know they're mermaids no i'd be so jealous it's like saying like do you think wizards are real it's like i hope you want a fish [ __ ] like no no if you're a girl mermaid you just have a tail you don't have anything like that you have reproductive organs no one's saying by necessity like you should but you're not taught that in little mermaids like no one knows where anything once again it's true that's what we need to know that's true what's going on with mermaids but deep space is scarier to me because as stephen hawking and others have pointed out if an alien civilization were to make contact with us there's like some logical steps that dictate that it probably wouldn't be for good reasons oh wow there's like no there's no good reason for us to be contacted it would be travel because it would be such a pain in the ass no like like like mining resources from us because it would be such a pain for them to travel to us that it would be out of like direct dire necessity have you ever read hail mary no okay is that a football book no it's an alien it's a it's i almost said it's a fake book it's fiction but it's about aliens and like us connecting because of resources and it's really good damn fair and aliens i would think that whatever resources are out there there's probably plenty of asteroids and comets for them to mine because you know there's like oh there's an asteroid out there that's made of diamonds and there's one that's made of water and there's one that's made of gold it's like [ __ ] with those what do you need slave labor we're here for it but if you're that advanced you're gonna be able to make uh an entire race of robots exactly what do you think of crop circles then oh i think that they're hoaxes yeah crop circles i mean one who's bored there have been i i i feel like those have been debunked long ago right where like the they were guys who was young he probably just came upon crosstalk the other day there i remember watching yeah some program where there were these guys who basically they didn't admit to being like the guys but they showed how easily they were able to make crop surfaces yeah i don't know plus it's like what are you doing making a message in corn you're so advanced you're able to that's how they're doing it yeah you're able to travel such a human thing to do yeah yeah get a like go all the way we're going to write a message in the corn yeah it's like when people write [ __ ] out of here and it's like what a person would do yeah you're right trapped on an island um yeah i you feel i feel like you've recovered fully i have okay i'm wondering if i needed no no don't do it i'm glad to see that you're back yeah i would like to um move on to our next oh yeah what's your next subject i can't see all the way over there it's uh are you ready i'm ready okay it's that time okay okay we're doing this thing called guest therapy because we have a lot of issues uh disagreements arguments and uh there's some things that we would just like a third opinion on okay i'm very good at that because i have all the right opinions okay number one i love this one because i just want to say there is no world in which you and everyone else in existence that's ever been born and ever will live where is this going won't agree with me okay everyone will go firm in my belief i just i have to backtrack one minute because what you just said reminds me of a conspiracy theory that i saw once where i was like hang on a minute that does kind of make sense and it is kind of [ __ ] up excited it is the supposition that there it takes way too many human beings to have eventually gotten to you like oh if you look at a family tree it's like there's me my two parents yeah their two parents they're two parents that goes on and it's like eventually you get to the point where it's like you need like a million people to eventually make its way down to you and this person or these people are like therefore the history of humanity is all [ __ ] because you would need mathematically you would need like billions of people for every person alive now to have made it i'm sure that that's easily debunked by uh you mean mathematicians like who you were yeah even just like 200 years it would require those two people to [ __ ] to make one those two people and [ __ ] to make one and those two people get together and blah blah so what is the theory that that trees are [ __ ] that like we like human history isn't real or something i don't know i'm sorry okay okay let's move on that was one that i remembered but now i'm just so what is the theory both here's the theories aliens are real and what was the first one uh aliens no what's this first one it was just a statement a ghost no ghosts aren't real aliens are real and like uh area 51. no he didn't even bring it out that would have been that one is real area 51 for sure is real okay they've confirmed it yeah okay so we have a conspiracy theory no but that's not i've been doing some crop circle research what does it say i haven't paid this at all there's a lot of crop circles that are not explained julia set which is one which is close to stonehenge and they're like really intricate and they stonehedge does keep me up at night just like the pyramids yeah and i don't that's what i'm saying like oh well just a bunch of people that were bored no that stonehenge in the pyramids obviously is not boredom like there's a lot of astronomy that is involved in the construction of the pyramids exactly and like the certain measurements that are so precise and have to do with like our earth and space and stuff it's like smart no no it's but you're talking about a time in which you're saying that like egyptians never left like egypt like the perception is that they live their life in this alien contact that's what i'm saying maybe they just have alien contact like how would they know the measurements of the earth and like different like connecting points that connect like that have to do with pyramids do you think that you could dig a tunnel to another no i've dug in sand and like i don't really go anywhere so i'm all confirmed like i know i can't dig anywhere no not you but like a human race with their shovel or what the what i don't know i didn't think that far i mean i don't think shovel wise you can get that can i can i pee yeah is it the hot sauce [Laughter] what are you talking about shovels i don't know you know like digging a like when you say when you're young like can i dig to china yeah i tried many a times i got nowhere i never even dug i i dug probably like five to six feet deep and like put my dad in and then put sand on top of him i thought that was really cool um you know what i was afraid of growing up frogs that just doesn't even exist what quicksand my dad got caught in quicksand what no quicksand is real and he got caught in quicksand in new jersey it's a new like they have it in new jersey he would go out in the woods like he would tell me stories before like i was going to sleep every night like this is the story about me and paul shorts and he got caught in quicksand they would actually have to avoid quicksand that's i thought quicksand was going to play a major part in my life the thing is is like did you think the beach had like or did you think that you had to go out in the forest like where was quicksand gonna come into play everything in my life was whatever i saw in a movie that was how i was gonna die and then i told myself when i was smart enough just don't ever go on a cruise ship and you won't die via titanic i never have this i never have an urge to go on cruise ships and now i just don't really go in sand so i won't die via quicksand does quicksand still exist is there still quicksand in the united states where did it go if it doesn't exist exactly where is quicksand alex quicksand is usually found in hollows at the mouths of large rivers or along flat stretches of streams or beaches where pools of water no i need a location well this is your backyard they have like caution tape around quicksand everywhere does it says it isn't very good well it's been sitting out for like an hour no it's not good flavor i'm so hurt by this i'm very surprised that you would bring well i brought over raw jacket because it's a very mild cheese to like help with the later [Laughter] yeah the way you walked back to set was as if you had issues with your credit uh yeah i don't know why i walked like that i um i were talking about quicksand and how i thought i was gonna die via quicksand as a kid you did too wow what was that movie with the quicksand i don't even remember that it was always something when we were kids indiana jones no no i didn't i never saw indiana jones either yeah wait so what's the next topic okay circling back circle guest therapy we have three topics that we want to talk to you about yes the first one um it's when someone texts you wait how let's set this up no i love when elena just shuts me down okay go go go okay go go go oh okay i'm going this is text lingo only okay okay if someone texts you something and there's no there's no real response back you're just acknowledging that you have seen this and you agree like not agree but like you're on board [Music] as a girl on your side here just say it as a girl maybe this is a girl thing i always say kk instead of okay because my reasoning being if i were to receive okay from somebody i would either think i was getting dumped the friendship was over or something horrible has happened on there yeah or they're mad are we talking about mad at me okay or okay a y okay okay why is it like a little bit better i'm the same way i i do kk or like or like a thumbs up emoji or ooh i do ooh a lot o-o-h way better so my opinion is that k or kk is like the rudest text message you can send to someone and if you're my friend and you text me kk after i've just poured my sentiment well yeah yeah no no different let me use an example like okay we have to be here at 10 30. okay no got it okay sounds good okay to me oh that would be more polite i wouldn't even write okay sounds good i would say kk sounds good i wouldn't i would you never you know you you just say okay there is no way in my life i would write okay to somebody and still want to continue that friendship so if you receive okay from me we're done damn so okay no if i get a text and it's just i write a long response or i even write a sentence or i just say great day today whatever i say and i get a k back okay 1k what it tells me is you're it's k you don't care about our friendship or this message conversation enough to write out enough letters as the arbitrator here i believe you're both saying different things i believe you are talking about receiving a text message that is informational like here are here's where we are meeting uh we are going to do this blah blah blah yeah you're talking about like someone pouring their heart out and like having a conversation every time my texts are pouring my heart like changes the construct of these arguments constantly like when we're sitting here like even at work and if i texted one of our bosses and i gave them an update and they said k oh but i'm not talking about k k is also a dick move it's a k k i think k k is better you're gonna change your head stands here no look at the board k k i would never i wrote that i know because it's important two k's means everything so your stance is k is rude and kk is fine exactly that was not discussed at the beginning you gave your whole speech and you didn't mention it i'm going to this side that's because this was kk versus okay 1k was never involved 1k was not even on the table my thing was i just abbreviated i was going to write k and k k k as a letter um i know alex okay okay listen you're both right in many ways when it is heartfelt i think you have to like all things consider your audience and consider the context if it is something that makes you feel like you've been slighted then you must talk about it with the person alina every time i write kk she goes don't do that but if she knows i'm the type of person that writes kk then you should be fine i don't think you should be that type of person behind love is so rude then you know what you should do go the other way go sweetheart i hear you and i forget it and i you are seen queen and wow these instructions for the [ __ ] whatever it is the the most innocuous thing later i have heard this and i get it thank you you're right you're right i just haven't copy pasted it as like a shortcut like yes oh good idea and also i love you if you understand that k is rude how do you not understand that kk is because k is like putting a stop to something like if someone if like you're in a fight with your boyfriend and you're fighting via text and you're okay that's like [ __ ] you just like same thing as kk it's a [ __ ] you kk feels a little way more casual yeah okay it was kkk with a smile no you don't need to i don't smile kk in itself is playful okay here let me do an impression of both yeah this is k okay here's kk okay it's like we're cool i get it cool that's all i need to say gotcha have you received a k or a kk what are you going to use oh and uh you know okay thumbs up kk what's the next one you know what i feel like i feel like we're getting nowhere you're more of a kk person than an okay that's yeah that's all i wanted to know yeah okay that one yes well we can argue about the same thing for 10 minutes i know we should move on the next one is um kissing your kids on the mouth appropriate inappropriate that's tough because you on the one hand you have to teach your kids how to be affectionate with other human beings on the other teacher it is well yeah i mean you kind of do because that is one of the first displays of affection that um because like you could argue the same thing for a hug a hug can be but we're talking about on the mouth yeah yeah there's a little yeah that's cute you have to do it you know it's got to be quick and you got to do the like the grandma pucker you're not going but if you have to think about it that much no well i think that as we get older and we view everything through the frame of like uh that's perverted or uh that's inappropriate that's your child then it becomes muddled but i think there is a cut off age i think that it's like six years old stop doing it you know six years old you you don't need to tom brady spider-man yes tom brady he's spider-man yeah he did okay that kiss was a little off he was like laying down on a table well i think also that his wife being brazilian they are a way more physically affectionate people and perhaps they are integrating a bit of that into their i said the same rearing you didn't say that i still don't think that you should be kissing your kids i'm on the lip kissing i'm like if elena's making out cut that velena can make out with her dog dog tongue and mouth i do not make out with ollie tongue and mouth kid kissing because number one i basically kissed ollie on the mouth when i walked in but it's your baby it's your baby it's not weird kiss something else the forehead the cheek that's why i think after a certain age yes i'm not saying start making kissing you said till adulthood i didn't say to adulthood i'm just saying i don't think it's sexual to kiss your kid i don't think it's creepy if you're but okay obviously it is crazy don't make out that's too far um but like dad and his 20 year old daughter on the lips no yeah like again like i'm not like they're disgusting but i'm like i probably want to kiss my dad at 20. i kiss him on the cheek would you kiss your dad on the cheek yeah you're looking at me with a gross no i would never be like i'm gonna go plant one on you no you don't have to like walk up slow motion and kiss smell on the cheek like when you're leaving uh okay again it's about there are many ways you can kiss many many ways and if you do it there there's it's a spectrum right you've got the sweetie kiss like my child and then you've got the like damn let's [ __ ] kiss you're not giving your kid any of this you're giving them just that first little bit of just um quick play bye have fun yeah yeah oh sweetie yeah oh sweetie play nice all right moving on okay last one uh i think that forks are irrelevant um how is this even possible try picking up a piece of steak with a spoon yeah spoon you can but scoop it up and then you get all the yeti yeah get them you insane yeah what are you insane cut it and then you throw it on the spoon so you cut it with a knife and a spoon you cut it with a knife on the spoon and then you're just shoveling it in it would fall right off like soup you're nuts it would fall right off the the spoon you want to take this back right now [Music] i use spoons more than anything tell me salad show me how you eat a salad with my hands okay now i know you're just being facetious i know okay so you'd be fine if we just took all the forks out of your uh kitchen yeah no because noel would need them oh oh oh oh that's what wow no but i like to scoop my salad onto my spoon because then i get the dressing too you're full of [ __ ] you're full of [ __ ] yeah this is just absolutely rich i will say i would prefer spoons what about but sometimes i will be you know i will be made fun of so i can't use the forks i would just love to see you out in the wild in a situation where you're spooning something instead of forking it i ask often at restaurants for spoons i just don't know what you're ordering in regards to spooning everything like i i'm trying to picture every single restaurant what about a mexican restaurant enchiladas cutting it with a spoon you could cut everything yeah but so awkward if i looked over and someone was spooning an enchilada i would i would think that was weird it's just not as it's it's not as um it's not as effective you have to be so delicate i the mean doesn't feel it the food is inanimate you know maybe it's how you're using the fork if you gently pierce what you're eating it's not that also you could get more injured with the fork in the mouth than a spoon you're eating very screw i guess very aggressively yeah but you're gonna drop things on your spoon so maybe you're trying to get things in you're you're chomping in the air no i would argue that a spoon is more cruel if we're if we're treating the food as a little baby because it's like you're teasing them you're being like oh nothing's going to happen to you we're just going to lift you up just kidding a fork a fork knows you mean business from the get-go you are being impaled you are you your destination there's no question about about where you're going i can't believe you have this thought i know do you eat i believe it yeah you do and you spoon it yeah ah i dare you i dare you to spoon it next time you're out of a spaghetti spaghetti noodles right there it's impossible it's a little easier with the fork a little you could get rid of the fork and live off of the spoon could you couldn't you make the same uh no you couldn't live with a fork because you can't eat soup with a fork i'll get rid of soup i don't know you can drink soup yeah oh good you don't need [ __ ] you don't need chips okay moving on to pet peeves we're done with guest therapy thank you for your um it seems like the therapist was very much leaning towards me yeah it's just because of the topics that we picked okay you won this round okay okay what are you asking me mine just your biggest pet peeve hopefully you don't need to go on reddit no no no i mean i have a lot of pet peeves um i i mean i guess my biggest pet peeve would be if i'm gonna be honest i i would have to hold a mirror to myself because i feel like i am too um peevy against your biggest pet peeve is that you're too petty yeah kind of like i pick up it bothers me that i will pick up on certain things i'll whether it be speech habits or i'm too easy to annoy but i'm not at the same time i'm very easy going but certain things will just like get me like yeah if someone's uh best example i can give years ago i worked at uh i worked at this place and there was this woman who gave a presentation to like an entire conference room of people it was like a 30 minute presentation and i am not exaggerating in the least when i describe the following she's up there giving this presentation and um she goes um like this um the same intonation the same cadence like every tenth word it was so um distracting it wasn't like a conversational like uh like we're just no it was just part and i was sitting there just like looking i'm i'm like my eyes are darting around like is anybody else noticing how insane this is how piss-poor this person is at speaking she's what the [ __ ] i almost was like can you just sorry can you stop saying um because it's extremely distracting and afterward i was on slack and i'm like uh okay did anybody else notice that nobody noticed which made me feel totally insane but you don't really say um did you just that's something you've practiced no but i try to just be my yeah it's not something i practice it's just that when i if i'm formulating a thought like that i try not to fill that dead air with an um or an uh or a like if i think that's from like listening to radio so much probably and just being extremely self-examining and self-critical because i've definitely heard myself in early episodes of the podcast where there was one episode where i smacked my lips a bunch right before speaking i would go and i'm listening to it going oh god shut the [ __ ] up this is so hard to listen to and sometimes it's if someone is describing a conversation between two people it'll be and then i was like and he was like you can say other things other than like for example and then she said and i was like so she goes i just i like variation because it is too easy for me to pick up on on patterns and then i fixate on those patterns and it's probably my ocd manifest which sucks so i don't like that about me because i just want to [ __ ] watch those things wouldn't bother you i wish that things wouldn't bother me yeah yeah like uh yeah people loud eaters is one but sometimes it doesn't bother peppers sometimes it doesn't bother me if it's somewhat like i've had i've worked next to people who are super loud eaters in it it's almost comforting i'm like oh that's nice this is a nice sound but then there are other people who it's like god can you stop uh yeah just rude inconsiderate people i also don't like you know mind your p's and q's just it's really easy to say please and thank you and you know admittedly i'll forget every so often but it doesn't mean that i'm not i don't know why i'm finding this so funny that your biggest pet peeves aren't with other people it's with yourself like i have never heard that in my life well i i cause you know um i'm just a very um what's the word i i have humility that's just how good i am i'm just [Music] i feel like all the questions we asked ben he just was like i'm going to stump them i know i'm going to twist this but that is a way in a way i am telling you that my pet peeve is other people being annoying but since there's some nothing i can do about it yeah the only thing that will happen is i will then make them annoyed with me like can you just leave me alone i'm just talking like okay i guess [ __ ] don't you just envy people who can like just live their life without care for anyone else yes what do you mean like without being a pest like i am yeah the nothing that people does bother them because they're like kind of do you feel like you're the same way what like do you feel like your pet peeves are more self-reflect like you're more frustrated with yourself when you're frustrated with others uh i feel like i can relate to ben like i hate that i hate mess like uncleanliness like i wish that someone just like left their sweater out it wouldn't bother me i see even if it's in their space uh yeah no i'm talking about myspace oh yeah yeah like i don't care if i'm somewhere that's not my like you know but uh a mess in general just like it really bothers me and i'm like i need to learn how to relax yeah like i vacuum every day before the podcast damn because i do appreciate how clean your floors are thank you yeah it's nice because it feels great on my bare feet i also i i definitely get peeved by people who aren't cognizant of the same things that i am aware of like yeah it just like how do you not know like my girlfriend will eat when we get like thai food for example and we're eating like fried rice she's she's got the fried rice here at the table and she's sitting here on the couch and there's this dead zone right here this is the treacherous zone where food can fall and i see her taking bites of rice and i'm like can you just [ __ ] lean can you just do that and she's every every time she's like leave me alone i know what i'm doing i know how to eat then inevitably every [ __ ] time she'll spill yeah and i'll go oops obviously oh she'll spill and then i'm somehow still the bad guy for pointing out see i was right because i know you you are a messy [ __ ] i say messy [ __ ] as a complete term yeah not like she's a messy [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] yeah or or she won't even notice she'll go to eat something and then the food will drop and i'm just sitting there like [ __ ] because then you know what else bothering you well cause you know what else then when she picks it up she she picks it up but then she's not mindful of the schmutz that's then left behind the rice smear yeah yeah and my brain goes to oh a cockroach is gonna [ __ ] sniff that out and then i'm gonna have [ __ ] roaches or something yep you gotta you gotta wipe it down we had thai food last night i can relate and we ate it on our coffee table and no whenever noel eats he got yellow curry whenever he gets it like he like spills it all over the coffee table and like curry can like stain wood yeah and so like i took his curry into the kitchen and i put it in a bowl for him just to avoid any mess that he might make then i like set it down and i was like i did that for you but i didn't do that to my own whatever so because you know how to because i knew i wouldn't spill or if the second i did i would wipe it so then like we finished eating and we like i'm like putting everything away and there's like a drop of like curry and like rice and like again i was like playful i'm like oh you spilled curry on the table i'll be right back but you noticed it like thirty minutes right away and i'm like pretending to be all happy getting the spray wiping it out for you though that's non-confrontational it's because it's easy to turn it into a thing and unfortunately yeah she can be like defensive about it i'm like i'm not trying to rat just like i'm not i'm not trying to elevate it into a thing and you don't need to be defensive it's just as simple as like [ __ ] just just lean over the [ __ ] table so it doesn't happen it's just some people are just they they're not aware they don't even look at the floor when they get up can i i'm sorry we haven't please i'm like i feel like an observer i'm just like dying because are you a little crummy i would say in my house i'm the clean one but i i was just thinking it's so interesting to live with people you know like you're two completely separate people like i i wouldn't say i recently moved in with my boyfriend but like it's been like two years and i just find it very interesting two people living together and like all the things that you just don't know about somebody that are just completely brought to the surface and you know doing that kind of dance because i i was just thinking in my head like i do the same thing like you know i don't you don't want to be like pushy or like do it my way so you just kind of like pretend to kind of oh look at the curry later you know what let me help you oh oh did you mean to leave your shoes over here you know like you're so maybe us like we're not confrontational it's interesting to see the guy be the clean one yeah and and try to not step on toes but also your it seems like you'll do it at that moment where i was noticing like i would do the same like oh it looks like there's chips on the floor there's a crumbs like two hours later just trying to be cool trying to be cool trying to be cool not cool i've noticed it two hours ago yeah uh the other big one and we mentioned it when i got here dog butthole oh can i can i wax a little about this yeah that is a big pet peeve that other people are not mindful of the very real reality of dog buttholes being just this exposed thing that can and does get on surfaces for example you should provide some context first like this oh i'm talking mainly about like couches so biggest counter best counter yeah sure abs absolutely we used to have this pitbull mix and she was a very short-haired pitbull with a very pronounced [ __ ] because a lot of pitbulls do it's just like right there they don't have a tail or anything they got angelina jolie mouth for a butthole it's just big old butthole right there and we had these brown like leather suedey couches uh years ago at when i lived at home dog's name is jessie jesse would get on the couch all the time no problem but she would like sit on the couch and her tail would be like you knew the butthole was rubbing yeah and i'd be like oh god jesse get down and my family would go what's your problem and i'm like sure her butthole is rubbing against the couch how do you not see this and you're gaslighting me and they're making me feel like this isn't a thing it's real i just witnessed it and finally a dirty butt like well like she just like took a [ __ ] or something and now she's in the house and now she's got her [ __ ] on the thing and she has depth she had there were definitely times where she had gotten off the couch and then there's a little [ __ ] yeah like like a spot i have never in my life yep so one time the dog had just gotten on the couch and then she got off and i was like you know what i'm sick of you and i went up and i smelled no and i was like it smells like [ __ ] go smell and again my family was like i'm not gonna go smell the where the duck and i'm like it's cause you know i'm [ __ ] right and then they went and they smelled and they're like well it's not a big deal like yes it is it's [ __ ] yeah it's the point you've been making so what are you supposed to do well you're supposed to not let them when does your opinion vary by butthole uh kind of because like there are certain dogs who are good about it and when they get up on the couch they'll like ollie's tail curls under so almost always covered but like so my girlfriend's dog her name is voodoo i love this dog so much she's a big dog she's like 70 pounds and sometimes though she'll get on the couch and she will sit first and her it's like her butt hole is clearly smooching my couch yeah and i hate him no she's got a tail but it like curls she's got a curled up so her butthole is always exposed and when she's sitting it's even more it's just like up so her butt is like right there and i have i i have calmly before been like erica just just when she gets on the couch just make sure she lays down like right away yeah so that her butt hold she's like don't you hate that you have to say yeah and she goes you're obsessed with [ __ ] are you and no he's just very there are multiple parts to this story with the dog because she's like you're obsessed with [ __ ] and i'm like no it's her butthole is right there and there have been times where she's gotten up and there's been a little bit of a like a mark and she's like i don't believe you and i'm like it's it's real okay it's real and she's gotten up and yeah there's been like because dogs have they have fur around there gets trapped up in there well there's that but they also their buttholes have they they have um uh not chemicals but they have uh glands yeah they they have little butt holes so you probably don't like it when dogs scoot well because they're she is scary she has scooted on my wooden floor before and it leaves a little [ __ ] trail and i'm like oh great and then i clean it up but it's fine but then the other thing the other thing that she that erica made me feel like i'm obsessed with poop about which i'm not but the people in my awful neighborhood do not pick up after their dogs it is a minefield of dog [ __ ] and i have walked voodoo through my neighborhood and i am like i it makes me crazy especially at night i have my flashlight on and i'm like following her to make sure because one fateful night no she stepped in a fresh pile of dog [ __ ] and then when we went back into my house it was like midnight i smelled [ __ ] and i'm like let me check your paws babe and i check check check and then there it is there's and she at that moment decided to play and she jumped all over my couch and i i texted erica and i was like she stepped in [ __ ] and then she jumped up on my couch and even after that happened i still get accused of being obsessed obsessed with [ __ ] and even then i'm like even when i walk her in erica's neighborhood there's [ __ ] there's like there'll be a fresh turd that has just been picked up but it's still like got remnants yeah that is very easily you can step in it no problem you're obsessed with [ __ ] no it's just that i live in reality yeah where there is [ __ ] where there can be [ __ ] i've stepped in it before christ on the cross we do we live in different realities um i will say this i get people think i'm pretty weird for this but i whenever even i just in our own yard steps in his own poop no when he anytime he walks out of this house i wipe all four of his paws with a wet wipe and i also wipe his butthole yeah with a wet wipe so you know you're a little higher level than i so sometimes sometimes he's usually a very clean pooper there's nothing there yeah but occasionally there's like i wipe and there's something there yeah and i'm like if i didn't wipe that would have been all over all over that cloud yeah yeah he has a hairy butthole and things like he's a very clean pooper there's like nice most dogs are clean nine times out of tens tense he doesn't have any poo there but it's it's one time it's it's hair trap yeah so i wipe it off and then he's free to roam and i do that four times a day that's a lot a lot of wet wipes pause have you thought about getting him little shoes nah he doesn't like those does he like his paws getting on the poo when he poops i don't do that four times a day what i do is pause so you could wipe your dog's [ __ ] i mean i i don't need to she's clean okay clean as a whistle for that not clean enough for the couch but it's just i don't it's just that if it's touching it i don't i mean now it's to the point where i just i live with it and i'm like whatever i'm sure that it's not because it is in there it's not like the pit bull where it's like are you walking and the idea that there was poo near and around it it's just it's just that i am painfully aware that other people aren't aware as much as i feel they should be don't you feel like you are like you were like teaching everyone like this thing that you just never thought about yeah yeah and i'm made to feel like a [ __ ] weirdo for it yeah and i'm not weird i would prefer like there to be a book on that so then i don't feel like no a book on like dog poop and dog butt holes so that how your ages is this open it wipe its butt i just don't like being the person that has to explain like an ocd tendency or germaphobe tendency like then it feels like i invented it here's a good example you might have invented it i got it i got an example that's that's related to this and it just speaks to how people are blissfully unaware of their surroundings and the very real possibility of things just happening without you noticing and blah blah when i lived in new york i'm on the train one day and i'm sitting on the bench and uh or not the i'm sitting in the subway on on the train itself whatever you call it the seat on the train and directly across me there is a homeless person and he's laid out on he's taken up the entire seat and he his ass is just like half of it is out and he decides i'm gonna get up now so first he like sits and his bare ass is like on the seat and he's you know stinky you know he's he's a homeless guy and then he uh he gets up and gets off the train train goes to the next stop people get on and before i can even warn them they sit right where that guy's bare dirty ass was those people have no idea what do you think what's happening on your bench no right before you go exactly exactly i too was living in a state of bliss blissfully unaware who knows maybe he had maybe he had migrated from my to that but that just speaks to how people just don't think of it and they can you know the same thing can be applied to dogs oh the dog just pooped what's the big deal now it's like i've seen people pick up their dogs and put them on their lap where their tail is hanging off and their butthole is on their leg yeah and i'm like how are you not what the [ __ ] is wrong with me yeah i i must be defective if i'm like or like i've seen my buddies pick up their big dogs and they're oh yeah their arm is like the the tail is over their arms so therefore the butthole is touching skin and it's like i do that but i feel like it's free be free reign to do because i cleaned his butthole that's fine sure i guess did you know that ollie jizzes on my pants what oh is it actual jizz or just like discharge i call it drizzle because it could be like pissy but discharged i used to like hit him on my lap at work and i would notice like little white spots on my pants and then i'd rotate him in new directions to see like oh did i just spill something and wherever his like pelvis area was there'd be white dots that's not [ __ ] that's like discharge okay i promise i i've had male dogs before and yeah they get a little yeah chisels sure let's just call it fine we'll just call it [ __ ] ben what do you do with your butthole before you wrap up do you groom it at all we were talking about this recently uh i just wipe it and then occasionally i will never itch thank god you wipe it sweetheart yes yeah i recently experienced a problem where i had over wiped and i then you're then you become locked in the the paradoxical loop of having to wipe but then that exacerbates the existing problem but you gotta clean and then you're just you're raw and it sucks do i shave no but i will occasionally like with the toilet paper grab the hair and just pluck well because you occasionally you'll feel like some you know niggles and you gotta yank it out of there huh yeah don't act so surprised who here of course she hasn't seen her own [ __ ] oh i don't look at mine either i'm terrified i don't want to see that like why would i why would i want to know what it looks like no why no i know what it is yeah i've seen buttholes before i have an idea i'm sure if i saw mine i would be mortified [Laughter] because i'd be like oh that thing is filthy i should be ashamed but i'm not i'm clean i know what i'm doing i wash and pluck and pluck yeah and i use wet wipes like a human man a man a modern man i need to get a bidet but i don't trust the they're they stay clean themselves yeah they've definitely got poop particles well yeah you think about when you sometimes [ __ ] you it sprays all around yeah you lift up the seat afterward and you see so the reason i didn't want the used teepee poop particles it's literally next to the toilet seat a whole different level of cleaning you are obsessed with [ __ ] yeah you are fine fine well so am i so am i because i think about poop articles all the time you guys i'm not obsessed with [ __ ] like it happens but i'm not obsessed with it sometimes you have to be aware of it i know that e coli i'll risk it right i mean i'm just so cool i just live carefree and i don't have to think about poop i don't know what my own [ __ ] looks like you're in that boat i know so you know what boat it's not it's actually the twin to the it's not the real foe it's the sister it's the sister it's the sister look it up that is a great conspiracy theory the only reason we're on that boat is to kill the founder of [ __ ] bank of america or something jp morgan j.p morgan yeah um didn't wipe his ass all right okay that concludes our episode you

Channel: Are We Still Friends?

Views: 64,455

Keywords: awsf, awsfpod, are we still friends?, are we still friends, are we still friends podcast, are we still friends? podcast, aleena podcast, aleena sarah podcast, aleena pod, aleena noel, awsf podcast, are we we still friends aleena, aleena's show, aleena show, noel miller twitch stream, noel aleena walking dead, noel twitch, ben cahn, trillionaire mindset, aleena and sarah, ben and emil

Id: V2IwnauhNC8

Length: 81min 20sec (4880 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 21 2022