Ep. 66 - Josh Ocean Thomas

[Music] I'm definitely the heer and you're the hog no I'm the heer and you're the hog all right Josh riff ready go riff Josh do the Riff make us [ __ ] laugh now riff riff riff RI make us laugh riff time make us [ __ ] laugh make us [ __ ] laugh guys welcome to the rat Nation Podcast called heer and the hog for now with our guest Josh ocean Thomas the Frog the heer hog and the Frog the heer hog and the Frog you guys thought that we weren't ever going to have a guest on again guess yeah two guests in a row maybe we're going to have guests from now on all the time I I just don't the seating arrangement is freaking me the [ __ ] out why why what seems to be the issue last time this is like the setting of like my divorc parents at like a conference put us in the middle yeah I don't know who put him in the middle put the kid put the child in the middle put the child in mid think our son is fine he's fine put the child in the middle he's been behaving poorly at school but that can't be us work not the problem here we never hit him no never never around other people no why you guys seem so much taller than me I don't like this cuz you're you're slouched and you've been getting fat yeah you're short and not a good guy no I've been getting stronger no dude um can you start riffing you're just called me short and fat these aren't riffs riff riff riff um I got called pregnant last night all right we've been playing a new game uh ask a question without thinking just start going are you excited to go upside down yeah baby yeah I love going upside down yeah upside down is are you excited to go upside down you our last guest will not be named Lucia whan she uh literally named her it took her that was you contradicted yourself what do you know uh it took her forever to ask a question you just knew one you had one lock i' I've been sitting on that all day what was your question are you excited to go upside down it's out of nowhere I love that just been thinking of here's a here's a question to your question when's the last time you were upside down oh my God I actually know tell me well does the flip count yeah yeah how oh yeah right this guy is [ __ ] oh yeah this guy's skydiving and and scuba div you did a flip where were you like into a pool nice I was upside down for like really quick Chris Chris hasn't jumped in two years I I haven't jumped well I that's it's a joke last time I saw Greg do anything active he had to sit down for a couple days yeah it really takes it out of me yeah it does I'm not doing too great I mean time has not been kind to my body I'm not a big jumper I used to know how to do a front flip and a half off of a diving Bo prove it would the half where would you would you land face up or face down face down upside down oh you would it would be you do a front flip into a dive a I used to know how to do that growing up I took a diving class no like a DI like how to dive into a pool yeah cuz my mom was at some like a chaperon or like a teacher some [ __ ] teenager just like taught us smaller teenagers how to dive into a pool I bet you that class is court ordered for him he's like is like I sented you to flip teaching teach them to flip you got to teach rich kids how to do flips will flip until you're sick you [ __ ] criminal flip again I demand flip again now teach me how to flip I demand I demand recompense recompense the judge is like you will do a flip for recompense the judge is like do a flip and then he did the flip he's like wait teach everyone here how to do a flip you teaching how to flip Now teach your witchcraft so when was the last time you were upside down where were you flipping into a pool um yeah like a pool oh cool like flip into a pool that's nice where was the pool my friend's house he had a pool oh big bra big brag oh I bet you with pools I bet you go on airplanes sometimes I do I have a friend who lives near the lake in Chicago yeah it's us I did a flip it's all of us when was the last time you did a flip uh actually Friday morning swim club last summer I did a flip off the side of the I did to flip off the side of the lake into the into the lake when start oh I'll tell you it's banned what yeah Friday morning swim club is illegal it's over yeah the the Chicago deemed it too unsafe and too fun and cool there's too many people I think for lifeguards to like uh to watch it it in in practice being there you are Treading Water waiting to go on that ladder for over 10 minutes sometimes oh wow interesting and that's not very easy to do easy or safe if you're not a [ __ ] beast like me dude swimming is [ __ ] lame you don't want to be a Flo I like to jump in and then have someone throw me a big floaty Greg when was the last time you were upside down go uh the floaty flipped over and I floaty flipped over I was into water I was stuck with my foot th in the ale and it was scary cuz you can't breathe underwater I tried I tried don't recommend it people were right maybe maybe on a roller coaster everything I Learned was right about water you went to a roller coaster yeah I went to one wow you want to try again Playboy what are you aite what are you some Six Flags you need to get that microphone up to your face I'll tell you what buddy you better keep that mic where is that microphone in in correlation to your mouth hasuwa hosan tumas sorry I'm sorry uh yes what's the question oh sorry what go ahead it's your you excited to be upside down that was a great question uh now you try it you didn't tell us what I said probably a roller coaster okay my question is um don't think uh think you just stubbed your toe what are you going to scream [ __ ] that is pretty amateur sorry that was that was not a great response what are you screaming Greg Bo I would probably just like moan a little like I did when you saw me react to a speed bump oh do this the Dune the Dune song yeah stop you're going to mate call the Arabs it's a maren call what happened to him he stubbed his dun toe you know what I would scream [Music] yeah pants go and then I would seek revenge on whatever I stub my toe on oh not immediately not immediately no you're going to sneak up on that Cur later on and then I would pull up behind that chair and just just break choke out the chair burn it terrifying yeah Revenge will be mine soon recompense recompense that was a fun game it's a very fun game yeah wait what so you're saying [ __ ] no that wasn't a good one is [ __ ] your final answer no [ __ ] not my final answer if I stop my toe saw my to I go oh no oh there we go no I didn't want that to happen oh no damn it I did not want that to happen when I woke up today that was not on my bingo C much second answer is I just scream my toe why my toe mine no my one of ter two terrible answers from Josh just [ __ ] oh no no that one was that was really good that was great I'm going to be honest this how I feel you stub your toe and you're like I no I had plans that didn't include toe stubbing that's for sure I get so mad when I bite my tongue that's what really makes me like Angry you got to slow down I agree too sometimes I my bottom lip when I'm eating and I'm like what the [ __ ] am I doing you guys need to slow it down Greg you need to speed it up speed it up yeah eating with Greg is like he's like he does he wants to look at it for a while dude I just taking this fry is moving to my mouth oh wait let me grab three more fries let me actually drop all three of these fries grab this other frying I've never been in a dip it in something that's not mine yeah oh man I use someone else's sauce I don't know if I eat food or if I just dip stuff in [Laughter] sauce Chris just eats sauce I don't think I eat food I think I just dip food in sauce and then it so happens to be food how you recompense hey hey this is that chair I Stu my toe on someone get me some ranch there we go hey Greg yeah why do you keep validating my Rifts great great R makes it feel like I'm so normally terrible there goes a rift now sorry I'm getting distracted there some Star Wars stuff back there you'll be pleas know that I built those yeah how long when was your last date oh man couple years it wasn't your turn to invent a question John sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry no it's his pod when was Greg's last date couple years now moving on years now all right Greg what's your question how come why not your answer is why not why not how come why not mine is my answer is that is that is that is how come that is how come because I'm here actually that's what the word why all those words all those words combined that's what the word why is nuh-uh how come how come that is how come that is why why oh my god dude that's a [ __ ] joke I and I like to point that out how for forever Humanity was out there going now how come that is I like I I like how great just say why hold on we got to think of a question for all those how come that is as we've been doing I like how audible Greg was about getting it oh wait holy [ __ ] right there I'm like following this conversation this whole time and this is awesome yeah I'm having a great time me too what's happening man my pants were wet earlier and now they're dry yeah because my car's got all your water in it true can I try joshh picked me up so I dropped my water off in there can can I try to ask a real question that's not how come how come that is all right why why also known as why I'm trying not to think of anything right now AKA why what I was I'm trying to shut my brain off I know I'm not thinking but you guys weren't done talking Sor what do you guys think they're going to say what do you think they going to say oh oh boy there more words I did good there I did good very good very good question Greg good thinking Greg or lack of therefore you should be the moderator on the presidential debate what do you think they're going to say what do you think is going to happen Mr Biden this President this question is for you how come how come that is AKA why why do you reckon that is how come that is also known as why also known as why wow dude that's it that's all that was funny no we don't got there's nothing else oh is that how this works how is it I've never done this B how is it there also known as where yeah we do uh 12 minute long episodes okay good we're only Sor we're only onethird of the way through I'm having a great time spoiler this episode will be exactly 36 minutes by the time this podcast is over I'm going to be done with this twisted tea then I'm going to start saying [ __ ] dude say something crazy right now when you drink Twisted Tea you get all that was crazy wow that was AB you can't say that word that is pretty nice that's their word that's disgusting what's the worst thing about you uh me you're allowed to plead the fifth I play the fifth no actually the only way you plead the fifth in this podcast is you just go fifth f f f f and we're required to move on but we um probably my procrastination is got to be one of my biggest things I do that too I'm good at that I'm good at that I'm such a good procrastinator prove who's better fight to the wait long whoever can wait to do something the longest when it's absolutely necessary against the timeline Josh I showed up to something today one minute before like the cut off they gave me a three-hour window and I showed up at 259 cut off was three and I got in I did it I'm in that's that's the thing about procrastination is it's good some you can't say I mean I can't it's just like a a thing I I to I had to I had to try on a uniform it's for it's like uh you're you're modeling the no but you're the the uniform for corporate comp nope they just needed a regular guy he's a hair and face model look at his Mustachio must when I become mustach is new he likes to cook pasta our friend Josh here has a hairf facing body model no feet or hands just a head I'm a want hair like mine you have to go to the barber and ask for it that's what you saying the give me the 45 wait so you were doing a commercial no it's like a literally I'm just taking pictures for like a company's catalog for for their uniform oh interesting I'm just on the uniform and they're going to look at that and be like that guy doesn't work here exactly that guy doesn't work at Target that guy is not one of the employees at The Geek Squad I haven't seen him around at all that's that skydiving guy I saw him in the sky he was he jumped out of an aeroplane Jos you Skydive yeah I do so why so why po K because how come how come it makes me forget about what everything nice oh so Josh is doing good is fine Jos is doing for a second Josh is like I'm doing so good I got to jump out of a plane to forget that's how good I'm doing some people drink to forget some people throw themselves out of airplanes to forget I think you should start drinking I do that as well that should be safer I uh I I I would like to take you I don't think I can how much you weigh 900b I was so sorry they make TLC shows about you or TBS what's that oh my God the new TLC so uh too big too big to jump too big to jump that's great and it's DLC too big to jump and people want to go and they want to jump out of airplanes but they can't it's a really short episode they're about 2 and a half minutes long and it's you follow a person who's around 900 lb out of their house into their car that thing that's the first two minutes of the episode I'm 900 the last minute and I am 900 hello I'm Chris I'm 900 well there they make you step on the scale yeah I don't want to go I also am very afraid of heights and I just have no interest in investing my entire life life into a a a a bed sheet and some ropes some string on a backpack all three of those things nothing ever good came out of a backpack I've seen I've seen all three of those things books I've broken all the things I hate books listed list the making of a parachute backpack broke once rope I broke that sheet broke that what about string you broken a sheet I have how I ripped his head through I uh no I already know I just said it yeah I broke it with my head I actually also growing up there on our street it would get real windy and I would uh we would tie sheets to my I would tie a sheet to my my belt and then hold the ends and then I would rollerblade and I would use the sheet to sail down my street y'all ever got an umbrella going up to the a high a high Zone and jump off see if you can float a curb a curb or like a lunch table you Poppins it I Poppins yeah it doesn't work very Poppins it doesn't work at all you fall straight down and you die the I always that old lady was a [ __ ] liar what all that happens is that the the umbrella will cause you to to twist a little turn like a minute yall ever head to the roof of a parking garage with a with a umbrella and then you jump off and you twist a little bit break both your ankles and you can't go to summer camp y all did that too right you guys did that too right yeah and then Mrs mcgilla Cy failed you m Mill Melissa M gilliguy yeah yeah that was her first name yeah that was her first name that's the lady there Melissa she sounds like a Melissa if you were a lunch lady what would your name be mart mart mart mart I love that outy there Mark hey Mart hey Mark hey what are you serving lunch lunch you got me there it's different every day touche Mart yeah Mart the lunch lady who serves lunch lunch I like uh Hey Mart what's for lunch lunch lunch I would like don't ask me them fancy school boy questions oh yo in ques you know it's food it's lunch you know you're going to eat it anyway anyway take it out of my Marty hands take it out of my hands my name is Mark my name is Mark take it take it Mark Chris your name my name schwip and you work below Mart actually you restock you just restart I'm a barback Mar Martin schwep met prison schwep SHP we need some more milk cartons on it on it you got Mar makes the beef and then schep shapes it yeah swep shape the meatloaf quick and then whenever I'm in my private moments I mumble to myself about how I should be in charge yeah you hate Mark I'm the one that should beep hates markep also had a really bad I should be scooping speaks in the third person lucky March lucky it's three men that insist you call them lunch ladies no we're Lunch Ladies and one of them had a really bad childhood but they all argue about who this was worse yeah we're we're that's the job title we're men that are job title is lunch Ladi Lunch Ladies y'all hiring Lunch Ladies dude I think I'm going to I'm going to change my LinkedIn tomorrow yeah to lunch lady it's uh got a new job lunch lady at San Anon High School mom pick up the phone because and then lunch l is a lunch lucky calls in they ask for two references it's Martin schwep they call Martin maros hello they're like your friend lucky here is looking for a job he listened you as a reference he's like can I work there too all right you got the job holy [ __ ] there a three for one package I like how that works me too that was fun name's lucky you know why they call me that why ain't so lucky step outside don't tell anyone you're coming out here okay heading on out shut the lights off when you come out here lights are off how do I do that give me a five and I'll give give me a thre minute start lucky just told me to turn off the sun when you come outside turn off the lights when you come outside shut off the Sun the first thing you got to do turn off that sun dude it's going to sound complicated the second you get outside turn off the fire get that fireball out the sky put it out looking at the sun being like I wish I could shut you off it's like a beautiful day outside are dping the US government isn't concerned about terrorism anymore there's like there's a a lunch lady named Lucky who's trying to turn off the sun who ain't so lady after all Lucky Lady Luck me a lunch lady tonight dude now we're talking all right we asked this to our last guest but I think it would be an interesting question for you because you're such an aquatic creature Josh o Thomas yeah if you could pick one type of animal to be the Lord of what would you be the mouse what the heck why did you listen to today's episode no why Lucia said she would be the queen of the squirrels oh I don't want it and Greg she can have the rodents Greg wanted to do rats no I didn't I didn't say I got bit by rat as a kid and I got very sick mine was crocodiles oh yeah Greg's say crocodiles wait let's talk about the rat B you got a rat bite rat bite fever right I had rat bite you could look it up if you look up the images on rat bite fever some of the no they won't show my face cuz a kid but like a lot of the feet is meat whoa there's only 300 cases recorded in the US he got his modeling career started young the modeling foot P it was a bad batch of rats from Petco mhm like a bad batch that had rapy favor yeah and only two people bought from it it was me and this other kid in San Diego he died oh my dead kid [ __ ] god it's the podcast's first Dead kid hit the [Music] soundboard dead kid okay so you survived you killed this kid I killed the kid personally I went over there and I said there will only be one PV have can only be one rat by only only one fever hav in this town so you bit him and he di I bit him he died immediately cuz he had an overdose of rat bite he been bit by too many bites soon as you have two bites you're dead so you got rapy fever rap fever what are the symptoms of that started very easy one month of no symptoms what totally fine and then randomly one day at school got very sick like what kind and I always faked it in middle school I would try to fake sick so I'd go home I'd fake migraines yeah and this time they're like I'm not having it and I'm like like dying W oh good what were the symptoms uh I got very pale just passed out like kind of sweaty right and then threw up a lot like like a like an amount that you would see and you would go I didn't even know and your teacher looking over you in the fetal position in a pile of PUK okay good one good one try Thomas stand up and try to read to the class they knew I was a dyslexic so then did you go to the Pod and then you go and did a podcast uh and then I immediately went and did as many Health pods as possible nice nice does he went to the hospital yeah that's how I got my comedy bar show [ __ ] yeah rat bite fever the show so how long were you in the hospital uh about a month maybe a little more than a month holy [ __ ] but then I had a pick line then I had a uh 12 and then I had a pick line in my arm that it's like a long tube and it brought penicillin to my heart and I had to do that every day at home for like six months oh my wait so you just had like you were connected to tubes for no no I just had a tube in my arm and my dad would have to give me an injection every day through the tube who he hated it my brother couldn't have done that yeah he's allergic to penicillin oh really he's allergic to tubes how' they find out they must have given him penicillin and then he blew up got all he got he just got all weird looking yeah he got all pink and this didn't help you guys scare me that's crazy so you got bit by a a rogue rat what's no I had like Health students from all over the country like coming in to like interview me and take photos of me yeah and I'd be like every time I got some students be like come on in crushing and I bet not I was crushing no I really was I was being hilarious I bet not even one time that you they walked in and you looked at them like I'm red man you never said anything like that no once I would I remember one time uh they they came in and like I was like this and they were like oh God he's not looking good I just went and they like that a lot you're like no I'm alive I'm a kid kids don't die I don't die I'm a child you can't die till you're at least 14 any point during this illness where you hoping that you would develop Powers I thought I did oh yes what were they [ __ ] [ __ ] sh I became the [ __ ] best shitman that is a rattly power yeah I sh a lot oh my God I'm [ __ ] so much wait so actually when you were in the hospital what were you what were you going through I just couldn't I couldn't uh once I got to the the the the sickest part of me was at my house yeah I was like I had like hallucinations and like I couldn't eat I couldn't walk my muscles gave out oh my God where was the rat bite where did it take place hit me right here what what what St my house I just had a pet rat and I tripped over the cage in the middle of the night yeah and then the rat when I tripped on the cage got hand stuck and I went and helping it bit me I'm not going to San Diego anymore no you're not cancel the shows no more shows and so it bit you while you were trying to help it so that what's the lon learned there you never never help anything no never help a rat never help a rat uh that's a metaphor by the way better off just kicking it hard kicking it shooting it with a gun and so has it a does it like do you uh uh are you afraid of rats now no I don't care okay cool cuz our our uh what we call our fans is rat Nation I like it yeah rat Nation I be fun like you're not great bring in the rat oh you're not moose bring in the rat bring in a huge my cat guys don't even joke around like that do you not like radiophobia I don't like joking around that wasn't a joke dude he actually had rat by theve rat rat feev crackheads on the film had jaria growing up have we talked about that on this podcast yet probably it's is that when you just are able to open every jar e you just got flamed [ __ ] it's where you swallow poop water oh yeah it was I was kayaking a lot growing up and or like scooping up the poop water or like Boogie W Boogie boarding in the ri in the rivers I thought you about to call it Boogie water and then the Boogie and then the Boogie water would get in your your mouth oh and then the symptoms were uh sulfur burps was one of the symptoms sulur burps that's a power can't you like like a fire well do you know what a sulfur you know what gas is sulfur is in cow [ __ ] farts mostly yeah methane and sulfur so I was bur sorry more technical difficulties because we keep having these stupid guests is it my fault it's all your fault be my fault it's the equipment no it's the equip monk well then I'm out all right all right that's done that's been the Pod well that's it that's it then I guess if I ain't breaking [ __ ] then I don't even want to be here then I'm [ __ ] out baby I don't want to be here if I'm not breaking what's the worst thing you've ever broken Greg I've never broken anything really probably not yeah that makes sense for you right yeah piece of [ __ ] that's why that's why Greg that's why Greg's always like can't believe you did that what did you what about you what have I broken the worst thing I've ever broken yeah probably like a whole ass car knock on wood yeah I mean nothing terrible so far but jar I broke my old at my childhood house you broke your house yeah what' you do with it busted a pipe busted a pipe yeah oh yeah I broke a nice massage chair just getting out of it one time hold on let me get that I don't like that at all dude you midnight alarm I know how to get it out you got you broke a bed getting out of a bed I broke a uh no [ __ ] I broke a massage chair getting out of a massage chair what did you do after getting up did you I put my 900 lb body on we back to the fatty yeah big old big old fat fat we back to the 9 900 lb topic it was just a normal little like jet like I just went like this to get out with with on the armrest and and the ship was like we're going no no no please explode now explode yeah and it exploded and then I uh it was my uncles and I had to and and then I same day I broke that chair later that day I went to go [ __ ] and I took the toilet seat and I flicked it down I didn't set it down I just went like flick to let it just drop all the way down broke broke the toilet seat broke the toilet so I had to text my uncle and be like broke your massage CH and your toilet seat anyways it's me your nephew so much for letting me stay here can I come back I love you it sounds like you might I love you xway it sounds like you might be the problem Oh I am I definitely am I'm a I'm an absolute bull in a in a china shop I break things all the time I said that I asked that question because I thought it would be relatable but both of you guys were like I haven't elegant Beauties who never break things why would I break something [ __ ] you why would he do that why would I break I've never woken up and been like today I'm going to break that yeah that's not my vibe either I just stub my toes and drop stuff all the time you're like a [ __ ] cartoon character I'm trying to slow down but I don't know how you got to uh just do it if I slowed down anymore I'd be so much slower though true you are you are almost slow motion I'm not moving that fast really do you think so I think that you guys all move quick you think I move fast Josh what did you just ask me yeah you're a hustler okay you've gone 250 miles an hour before you think so how fast do you how fast do you fall when yeah when you fall what's oh yeah when you Skydive I think the terminal velocity yeah what's the speed limit uh what's the speed limit when you're up there there a speed cop going hey the cops pull you over you got to slow down kid you're falling too quick what wait how you don't stop and look around once in a while you might what is terminal velocity I think it's like 300 or 200 something you're flying 200 M an hour or plus yeah yeah Josh you're you're faster than me wa that is [ __ ] up dude fast wouldn't that like hurt your face no does it hurt your face no it's refreshing wind in the hair I I wear like a compressed helmet oh that's cool I wear like a helmet yeah they do wear helmets mean wouldn't that hurt your ear does what oh you think that I wear helmet just walking around ask me ask me a math question right now all right what's 85 time 7 give me a calculator cuz I could figure it out cuz I it is a problem figure out with a calculator give me a calculator cuz I want to show you the answer before I tell you you didn't think I could use a calculator my God it would have been weirder if I answered it and got it correct then you would be like oh my God this guy is stupid this guy is the rain I have a question about skydiving do you have to pop your ears uh I like to do it on the way up e like in the airplane like when you like take off on an airplane but when you're when you're coming down does it does the pressure change do you have to yes the pressure just changed I pop my ears once I get under the parachute though not in free fall I'm too busy falling out of the sky right right right no time to really think about that how long do you fall for about 60 to 70 seconds 60 to 70 seconds depends on sometimes I'll move extra fast like if you do like a special trick to move quicker the bullet and then you have like a bullet move like if you could stand up straight or you could go head down and like stay stay like that yeah um then you move a lot quicker then you only fall for like 45 seconds and um have you ever been to I fly I have nice I almost worked there you know wa I couldn't actually I don't think I could Skydive cuz of my shoulder M it's only your shoulder yeah I thought it was cuz you were fat right is it your fatness or your shoulder cuz now I'm confused is it cuz you're a big fatty or is it because you got a bad shoulder was like the biggest like fat guy ever like actually rer was my stupid I think I couldn't skydive with my shoulder though I could Skydive cuz I actually have uh a shoulder of an athlete it has nothing to do it has nothing to do with my breasts it has everything to do with my shoulder it ain't these titties it's my shoulder ignore my titty I got shoulder issues but you got you have like uh you don't have like bad fat you have is not fat it is funny to call Fat yeah I'm I'm just Hefty you're just a big guy you're like a semi truck I got a nice pillow on my tummy D you're like a man yeah yeah yeah yeah me Greg is just a boy and I weigh a lot I'm very I am 900 lb I weigh I got weigh the other day I couldn't believe it how much you weigh 900 was like 207 wow really you're two you're pushing two it ain't great that's had a good influence on you mry mry I'm mry what are we going to why don't I man I wish on this podcast we could order Uber Eats oh came in on the during the podcast just sit here be like you just gone to Red hunt Ranch on the way home call them [ __ ] they're closed they we're literally we're talking about food I love Burgers we all want to get food so we're all hungry I like french fries I like here's the list of my favorite foods I like french fries what's in question I like hummus I like olives actually though yeah if you were the king of animals you would pick mice mice would be fun dude imagine like if I can conduct a thousand mice to attack it would like like a flock of mice yeah it would be crazy and they'd crawl up be beautiful on the ground the ground would be unbelievable they're small you can't even follow them with your eye what are you talking about what am I going to pick a freaking Brown would be the most unbelievable thing ever seen in your entire life unbelievable ground moving left and they be moving right never it would never climbing up the trees using themselves as teammates it would never not work using themselves as stand on head teammate then you stand on my head as well teammate you think go all the way up the tree all right well Josh Greg you've convinced me mice would be a good group of animals to ofine imagine if I could with a snap of a finger conduct every Mouse in the area to attack I picked crows oh that's good that's scary or pigeons I think pigeons are smart though he doesn't even remember Greg picked alligators crocodiles crocodil that's lame you even seen one in the well here's the best thing too that we said yesterday oh his going to be based in we're in Antarctica oh and this crocodiles in an article yeah dude we can't [ __ ] talk about this [ __ ] because I what if it actually happens all right all right what's a conspiracy theory you fully believe oh my God just kiss um I really do think that McDonald's is a paint store paint paint I think they're selling paint that's a conspiracy I don't know they sell red pain you made that up I'm just trying to start on something McDonald's is not selling burgers it's actually paint it's just paint for your butthole everyone going in there is a carpenter dude uh I've been to McDonald's that's not true yeah it's actually Burgers yeah dude they make burgers in there you guys AR going to I've been in McDonald's you guys still serving breakfast no more breakfast that was me over all that respons me overthinking not thinking um so Greg what's the conspiracy that you believe in that at the bottom of the ocean near the bermed triangle there is a alien spacecraft shipped underneath that is taking the ships and taking the planes and crashing them and collecting the scraps yeah see Greg is on Tik Tock Greg is on the conspiracy Tik tok's hard you you were a nice boy who you you're a nice man your conspiracy was McDonald's is selling paint's like there's a whole family down there an alien Faith Quest I just made that up my conspiracy you want to hear it yeah George Bush yes did yeah n yeah he did it yeah I mean yeah that's like a given that's that's like I feel like that's just fo me once hit the other Tower fo fo me once I think it's an accident fool me twice for sure Bush ask me about building seven I'll throw a shoe at your head fo me once America America IR America America [ __ ] Iraq I just read dick chain called me the fiction what it's not there Iraq Iraq I don't think it's rep place I've never seen it Iraq well it's Iraq it's Iraq I rock yeah yeah rock and roll we did The Rock and Roll sign for those of you who are listening not watching any of you even listening out there anybody ever listening to me what's an accent that you've always wanted to do but you can't go on then yeah because of political Chinese oh what are you talking about what kind of question is that everyone has the same answer that's so true everyone has the same answer yeah it's it's literally the only accent that is not acceptable an Indian accent do it I'll turn it into a clip a Chinese Chinese accent I can actually do a good one problem I mean you're African no don't you do whatever you want dude no don't but probably shouldn't all right but I do love South Park's impression of a Chinese person yeah it is pretty good it's so offensive it's very it's so bad they're offensive they're they're offensive they're offensive in a way that's funny though you know what I mean they do these like terribly egregious ACC it's it's it's so Overkill that it's funny yeah yeah [ __ ] [ __ ] come back next time while Chris describes why something else is funny here that is not because it's offensive and I'm the whitest I'm not that white no no no no I've been yeah I've been telling people you look little Latino recently yeah I'm Native American no you're not yeah he is what are you a quarter Native American yeah quarter yeah well that's a lot that's that's almost that's almost like it counts lenpy lenpy tribe Lenape Lenape it was like the third thing D Greg's dad or something whoa Greg's dad Greg's dad went and met Greg's Dad we got John Smith over here Greg's dad was like by the way we're M we're Native American I went to jail in Mexico you good honey yeah that's my dad you want a spicy pepper you you good grimy that was Greg's dad is the funniest dude in the whole entire planet I um couldn't be hungrier I'm so hungry yeah all right we're all going to uh to San Diego yep oh that's right all three of us come to our shows and San Diego is this the end are we promoting stuff now this your things I'm going to promote what you guys are promoting it's the same thing San Diego are those what date are they the comedy it's all of us and more us three plus some friends's more friends it's May 22nd in San Diego for Josh ocean Thomas and friends because I was looking at the stats the other other day and most of our listeners are San Diego really actually you been duped you DED you this is [ __ ] come on out to The Comedy Store May 22nd or uh or or don't come at all tell them what tell them uh piece of crap tell them where you're at on the internet oh I'm Josh ocean Thomas everywhere all the time all the time all at once all over everything everywhere all at once Jos Thomas thanks everyone cheers recompense byee

Channel: Heifer & the Hog Podcast

Views: 440

Keywords: comedy, funny, comedy podcast

Id: 274Y1oNBmuo

Length: 40min 51sec (2451 seconds)

Published: Wed May 08 2024