Ep. 118 | 2 Bears, 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

the amount of press this podcast would get because all anyone could talk about is how irresponsible we are you are you're part of my team i did not my decision-making is teamed with yours when i make bad decisions if you greenlight them then they're not bad decisions that's a good point this episode is brought to you by saatva i'm a huge huge fan of saatva and their products and i'll tell you why i've been sleeping on them for a decade i've tried them all i've been on that luxury firm mattress that you find at a five star hotel i tried memory foam for a couple years that's their lumen leaf brand i currently sleep on a solaire which moves and vibrates and has a zero gravity setting and a massage setting they're all fantastic try them all you can get really hooked up by saatva because they have a special url just for our listeners if you go to satva saatva.com the [ __ ] you'll get 200 off any mattress of your choice listen they're amazing and you deserve to sleep on an amazing mattress sleep is the most important thing it gets you set for the day for the week if you're not getting good sleep you're not even living a good life invest in your sleep get a great mattress that doesn't break the bank and that's what you get at saatvo so right now i want you to head to saatva saa tva.com the [ __ ] and get 200 off any mattress of your choice i'm moving you're moving i think i'm moving to austin to austin i think so i wanted you to move here not leanne just me trap house trap house yeah tripod trap compound compound yeah so i i've been thinking about this and i wanna i'm gonna ball i wanna bounce it off you okay okay and because you're the m i'm not the good brain like i'm a good idea brain but when it comes to like is that idea a real idea yeah you're better at that okay i'm sitting in [ __ ] uber today i was taking so many goddamn movers i've probably spent no joke a thousand dollars in ubers in the last two months yeah ease easy easy i go i'm gonna buy a car i live in austin right yeah i'm here once a month easy sometimes twice a month i'm gonna buy a car i'm gonna leave it here and then my brain goes i'm gonna get it wrapped into bear's wrap and whatever drive around awesome it's two bears guys yeah yeah yeah but i don't know if i could i'm gonna buy a suburban and i'm gonna leave it in austin so that i don't ever have to [ __ ] deal with cars so that way we'd land you get it wrapped i kind of want to get wrapped i kind of get wrapped but then i'm talking about that i was like i'll leave it at andy's house okay right easy peasy okay and then that way what's a car payment a month like like 700 a month i don't know seven what do you mean you don't know you have five cars well i don't make payments um how out of touch are we i just said how much is a car payment you go i don't know um well you could you could definitely leave something nice for that i'm gonna buy it i'm gonna buy it cash okay because just because i don't want to deal with the lease down here okay right i'm gonna buy it cash and buy a used suburban and so it's a big car so that when we come down and we're on tour everyone piles in the suburban we got a car okay that way the guys are stuck at the [ __ ] hotel today they could drop us off they have the suburban for the day they can go and do activities sure and then what not so then i'm like yeah yeah find me a [ __ ] suburban nadav or better yet if you're watching this and you live in austin and you have a suburban you want to get rid of [ __ ] hit me up okay and so and then i go well what the [ __ ] why don't i have a house here right like being serious yeah and i go me nadav and annie i buy a house they live in it they're my caretakers i buy a huge compound horses horses atvs yeah everything you want when you go this is like a like a farm like a ranch yeah and then they hit a program i go hey man just you know any of our friends anyone comes down to austin let him stay our compound we got [ __ ] how many acres you're thinking let no less than five yeah like it's gotta be more than five acres like a gun oh yeah it's austin you can do whatever you want yeah there's abortions whatever or not number abortions oh god damn it man what is wrong with my brain i just said abortions yeah i'm like i think i think i'm still rebounding from yesterday but no we take we have gun ranges we have bows and arrows yeah yeah we have horses maybe not horses maybe a horse a horse but multiple atvs multiple atvs and dirt bikes and have fun and then when i come down here it's not like just it's not just because like the first time i came down i stayed at your house i had so much [ __ ] fun right yeah and then and then it it ultimately i realized that's not gonna happen every time i can't i that was the [ __ ] you woke up so scared when i walked into the room do you remember that you honey [ __ ] me because you got me to stay in your house and i was like i [ __ ] love austin yeah and then and then and then now you go and you're like oh i thought it was dead but that was that way that way i come in right i come in with the whole guys on tour and we stay in a compound everyone's i love it what did your business manager say he actually said it's not a bad idea really yeah he was like well he's like how much you thinking about spending and the further you get outside of austin the bigger place you can get yeah and they're not that like and then i started thinking leanne likes projects you think you can get her on board so what i'm thinking is you know if i can sell it if i can sell it as like find a good property if it's a beautiful location as a place we can go to but we go to to work also that's the beauty of it it's like she wants to buy a house in like oh hi we looked at houses in ojai because she wants to get out of the city and wants to be in touch with nature sure and i was like that's great but i'm [ __ ] i'm gonna be biting my flip-flop in oh hi going like can you shoot another promo like i'm just cause i don't yeah not work what if i say babe i'm doing two bears one cave this week why don't you come down to austin with me we'll tap out for the weekend yeah and then we and then we come here and we stay at the house dude i love this thing i love this idea and it's more functional and it's still an investment for you still an investment yeah i get annie and i love the same types of beers we love hot dogs like it's like so so my brain i go in my brain i go any and he's there so the house is never it's not like a vacant property yeah he's living there we got a compound so i'm looking at properties and i just found the [ __ ] i just sent it to my business manager and i said it to these guys i showed these guys it's gorgeous you realize that i like the idea i don't know if realistically they want to live there though no they do and he does nadab will learn to love it nadab you just need to you need to the dog there's a lot about you we're going to change today today we're going to make nadav i want to tell you a story about a boy named burke chrysler one day i woke up i was 28 years old 27 years old and i didn't like the prospects of what my life was offering i said to myself i'm fat i'm very fat at 27. and i said any of the chicks that would love me right now i would never love them i would never be able to love them i only would love women who would love the guy i wanted to be that i would only be happy being married to a woman who was in love with the guy that i wanted to be the guy that i told myself i could be i wanted to be i wanted to be like a i wanted to be a working comedian and i wasn't i was not a working comedian i was not doing [ __ ] with my life i did not want to be fat i had all my hair at that time i had all my hair i i had all these things that i wait one thing i want to get clear on were you really fat at this point yeah but but probably not would i skinny now i think okay i wish i could find a picture how what do you remember what you weighed uh when you were thinking like this type in yeah uh bert uh it's before hurt bert it was i'll see if i can find no i i don't know i don't know new york i was in la okay but so so see skinny bird right there see skinny bird on the bottom far far right far right see skinny bird so skinny bert is who i decided i would be yeah i i just remembered that somebody sent me this yesterday i'm gonna send it to nadav's email right now okay it's just funny so so nadav i decided that i was going to change who i was so i could find the person i wanted so then i could then have them for the rest of my life does that make sense nadav okay so then i'll make more sense with it so what i did is i started hosting at the hollywood improv mm-hmm i had to take step word steps backwards to get forwards okay the second thing i did is i decided i would work out twice every day two times i worked out in the morning and at night in the morning i would do spin class and at night i'd go for a hike two times every day and i got down to skinny bert yeah and i met leanne and i started touring and i started headlining and i sold a show called heard bert yeah i had all these things happening and then it went backwards you know not everything goes you got to take a step back or whatever you know so nadav i want you to think about who you want to be yeah who who's the dream version of nadav tell me the dream version of nadav because we're taking him there and part of it starts with you moving into this compound okay what's your dream version of you are you gonna whisper it to us i think he just doesn't want to yell it okay i'm listening dream version of nadav is there a woman attached in this stream sure okay what should it look like google picture i want you to pull up a picture of a woman you find beautiful just like uh like go like kathy ireland she was gorgeous man cathy ireland was so pretty he googled not jewish women okay jesus christ not jewish this is not what i yeah oh it's just all the sarah silverman articles about yeah face um christian women ooh that's kind of nice would you date a redhead yeah would you okay let's let's take her she's beautiful okay meeting a marriage-minded single christian woman [Laughter] yeah she's perfect how [ __ ] lame she would be she's having tea um okay nadav what do you think she wants her guy to look like ideal weight 220 um i bet she could find a guy like me or you at 220 okay that's f we're fun we could watch movies with oh i'm definitely fun yeah yeah smoke a bowl with enjoy like shoot socks on snuggly socks on a couch with a blanket and you're watching yentl or something what's yentl it's a movie with barbra streisand where you play the jewish boy okay and so so so let's get let's start with our ideal weight and we're going to get you there if nothing nadav i have you're going to get me there i'm going to get you there because i understand incentive just like you do what is it what's your goal weight oh you have one i feel like the the the lowest i've ever been in my adult life yeah is probably right around 220. and how old were you when you were how long ago was it probably a college freshman college freshman you got a good job now i'm 33 so that was like i don't know over like i don't know 15-ish years ago yeah you got a great head of hair you do have you got a good jawline oh thank you yeah there i'm talking in the positives now yeah you're very very intelligent person and you are if nothing else loyal now the loyalty is where we get you because you need to get loyal to yourself you need to commit to yourself on this weight loss journey and we need to find an incentive give me a price point nadav a price point you give me a price point like what does my are you looking for him like to give you the incentive price to lose weight yeah because i know for a fact nadav's kind of guy that you put if you put a number on something he'll see that he'll work for that so big boy will smith bet big boy a million dollar was it a million dollars million sounds right was it i'll take a million okay we're not giving you a million dollars we need sponsors to hop on board with this we could probably get sponsors to hop on board if we get sponsors to chip in well here's the thing oh what if we what if we crowd source this what it what would you chip in i'll match whatever you chip in really yeah um would you what time frame do we give it you don't want to make it two yeah you won't yeah no one made it too short healthy yeah make it healthy i well i lost 40 pounds in a month once that's not a good that's not healthy i don't think yeah well i took xanax and ambien and i offset them days yeah and i'm pounding the unhealthiness with a little bit of whiskey and yeah i don't think the sponsors are gonna like that okay all right let's what's uh tom tom's birthday is april 16th yeah um so when this comes out this will be january by the time this comes out okay is this your new year's resolution yup uh how about how about wait can you start before the new year though yeah no yeah i could build up to it because where are we at no okay um like i could start asap what if we make it we make a weigh-in day uh what's a healthy amount of weight to lose a week we'll do it because you don't want to overshoot conservatively right um is 10 pounds a month healthy that's pretty aggressive i think that's very doable it's doable but i'm saying like maybe two pounds a week so eight pounds a month is like two pounds a week is well once he starts losing weight oh i know it's gonna come off at the sky at the top if he does something like even shifts how he just just like drinks uh and and eats a little bit it's gonna come so how much do you weigh right now 260. uh i had a pretty rough weekend that that meat i ate from dave really threw me into a tailspin so i woke up at like i don't know i want to say like 270 probably the other morning let's say let's call it 275 so that the journey seems even more achievable oh wow bert you're speaking my language man okay 275 and we get you down to 220 that's 55 pounds in one two three four months give him another month five months yeah and then five months i think he can do it quicker tom well in five if he's losing two pounds a week um five months would be 40 pounds and i think he could do it quicker too but i think you make it you don't try to make it too um you know i mean like much of a reach like where he's like what if we do a dollar point per pound a dollar point per pound i don't know like theoretically say say we did like so we're doing on the bus 50 bucks a pound every pound the guy's losing him 50 bucks and then every pound i lose i give them 50 bucks okay so we need to incentivize per pound okay oh so that no matter what as long as i lose i'm still getting something or like if i don't hit the number yeah because because i i lie i like right i like you get it you get it at the weigh-in date right so if we can get maybe we can get sponsors to jump on i mean i would throw down for each pound i would i'd throw down for i'll tell you how about this what why don't we find sponsors to match what we put in okay so that it can get ridiculously big what are you willing to put in ridiculously big well like because the more sponsors that jump in on this weight loss journey yeah yeah uh-huh this is starting to feel very uh unfair to our healthy staff [Laughter] no i won't don't i'll take you guys all out to a really fancy dinner two fancy dinners i think we want to get to a hundred thousand dollars i think this i think this i think what did rogan offer me do you remember he offered me to uh like 200 000 i don't remember that i really don't he offered me 200 000 maybe it was in private well i'm saying it out loud he offered me two hundred thousand dollars to get below 200 pounds and keep it off for a year you don't remember that no my dad thought i was [ __ ] crazy he did yeah why because i turned it down i couldn't have joe in my head every day of my life like i couldn't i could joe's joe's very inspirational but i couldn't have him be the guy on my shoulder every time i got on the scale and i had to keep in order to keep off stay below 200 pounds you technically have to be like 175 just to make sure you're in that [ __ ] range safe because i have [ __ ] weekends um okay well i'm definitely how do we okay what what if we crowdfunded it crowdfund it yeah crowdfunded it and we said like almost like you do when you do like those races you go all right are you who's willing to match not match but like uh everyone throws in a dollar uh puts in five dollars into a crowd surf it's crowd fund right and then and then if nadav gets there he gets that money i mean i i'm not opposed to it i would be interested for him to make a million dollars like i think this is all over the map now yeah yeah what let's figure out actual parameters that i think we could probably get to i don't think a million's pro like i'd love a million dollars to lose how about this i'll tell you what how about this i better we need our fans to join in and be part of it a million dollars and you get to two well here's the here's the thing 200 make it unachievable make it unachievable but make him the dog is only going to succeed in in in darkness like in the darkness no who do you think i am i know your brain the dog i know your brain i know your brain you think you do no you're the same brain i do in the dove how here's here's the bet one million dollars one million dollars if you get to 200 pounds by april 200 that's insane man yeah one million dollars think about it could you do it one million dollars so i'm losing 70 pounds in five months yup nadav one million dollars how is this even a question for you just smoke meth for the whole [ __ ] i'm in the dog okay now now i put it to our fans we're gonna open up a crowd sourcing website who wants to watch nadav go to the darkness he watch him watch it because you know his brain will switch hit for a million dollars this [ __ ] will lose 75 [ __ ] pounds by april by april he will for a million dollars it'll be the funnest [ __ ] april what's april april 1st and then we get a goofy scale and we go you didn't do it so that's not even four months it's not even four months just so you know and so the deal is the this is the deal it's one of those things if nadav hits his goal then you you pay it you pay him and by the way all we're asking for is like a a dollar from a fan like five dollars from a fan here's the thing we don't want somebody if we're really doing this we don't want somebody building this and saying that they're controlling it so it would have to be on the why the link is on the ymhstudios.com page okay so it's built by us yeah we'll have to get brendan on it have him put on do you want to do this first of all before yes the answer is yes it's the losing 70 pounds for a million bucks in four months yeah i mean i i think it sounds complicated i think it's brilliant i don't i'm gonna have to be on like blood pressure medication for my entire life i'm not talking anymore what are you talking about because it's an unhealthy no it's not due wait but what happens if the money can't be funded no it can't it will be i believe in our fans and by the way we need here's the deal that's what i'm asking you guys everyone chip in ten dollars ten dollars ten dollars listen to me this is gonna be fun ten dollars everyone ship in ten dollars i'll chip in ten time will chip in ten we'll all be in it we're all gonna be in it for a fair market price to watch this you could say train wreck i wouldn't say train wreck but what you're gonna watch is four months of one man looking for to make one million dollars or or whatever amount is in that fund it's we we don't know what the we don't we don't know what it's going to be million we need you guys we really need you guys because this only gets fun if it's a million dollars do you realize how many [ __ ] people are gonna go these people are out of their [ __ ] mind yeah yeah a million dollars we need people to chip in a million dollars i have to say though as somebody that um that works with nadav that i don't know if i can sign off on him uh being pushed to do it at in that time frame right no hold on stop this is negativity i'm not being negative the best thing that would ever happen for this guy is he gets 200 pounds by april 1st then he gets that christian redhead he gets the christian redhead we move him into the compound and next you know nadav doing [ __ ] one-arm pull-ups and and he's like god damn it man you've changed him i'm telling you nadav it's gonna be the darkest four months of my life you're saying the dog yeah go to the darkness and and you will succeed you're gonna get a million dollars dude a million [ __ ] dollars or it might be like twenty six thousand four hundred and eighty cents the dog the dove hey listen can we get like doctor supervision no no no no no no uh we're gonna set you up put on it we're gonna set you up and on it you're gonna work out by the way they haven't signed off on this they've not signed up on this yeah the we're gonna get you it on it you're gonna all you all you gotta do when it off you gotta commit to two workouts a day and we're gonna get you on one of the meal delivery services that uh that tom uses where they just send you the [ __ ] you don't want to eat and then you eat that and then you're gonna get a million dollars in april so i'm doing two a day workouts yeah you'd have to do two a days here's the brilliance guys here's the brilliance you chip in your ten dollars everyone's gonna chip in ten dollars ten dollars is the is the is it's doable everyone can afford ten dollars i think okay right and then if he doesn't make the weight you get your ten dollars back if he doesn't make the weight you get your ten dollars back but if he makes the weight for ten dollars you get to watch a man [ __ ] bruce wayne himself okay [ __ ] 200 pounds yeah need you to when this is done to isolate this and send this over to brendan and tell him ask him if we can get this up on the site okay okay do you know how great this will be it's very exciting i'm a little concerned why what's the safe call call someone do you know someone call your trainer okay call your trainer and find out is it doable oh yeah but but don't pitch it like i'm not i'm gonna dive in the dog six eight and he's 275 pounds okay like i think i think that weight is going to tear off of him okay let's see if he answers this beer is perfect is it it's very perfect so really i mean i like where your head's at it's very exciting watch i'm gonna put it on my instagram stories and we'll get the answer right away yeah hey guys would you chip in ten dollars to watch nadav lose 75 pounds in four months would you chip in ten dollars to a crowd-sourced funding site to watch nadav lose 75 pounds in four months okay put it on a yes or no poll thanks i'm gonna put it on a poll oh my god god try to get drew on oh don't [ __ ] he's such a buzzkill [ __ ] our fans support us and they support nadav and i know everyone listening right now i'll tell you what nadav let's make it even more interesting what do you want for more interesting mornings make it a double double down okay what do you want from me i think you need to challenge him i need to challenge you i love it i only work with challenges well you know what i'm gonna incentivize you to uh incentivize me right that's that's the best key to an incentive yeah i'll match it i'll put another million dollars if you win oh are you [ __ ] serious oh he's gonna do it that's that's [ __ ] stupid right there i was a dumb thing i'm not going to do that can you please what's wrong with me i'm still interested if you say that you gotta you know are you really saying that i can't i can't because i that's no i can't i can't [ __ ] liam would be so [ __ ] limited if i gave him a double million dollars you know i wonder can i can i tell you where my brain goes can i tell you where my brain goes i hate that this is where my brain goes and i i'm going to show you an insight to where my head thinks if we got people to raise a million dollars right and i said i'd match a million dollars if he lost the weight first off he'd lose the [ __ ] weight secondly he'd get two million dollars right thirdly the amount of press this podcast would get that that's where my brain goes that's why i immediately say i'll do i'll imagine cause i go we'd make that million dollars back because all anyone could talk about is how irresponsible we are you are you're part of my team i did not my decision-making is teamed with yours when i make bad decisions if you greenlight them then they're not bad decisions that's a good point lose 75 pounds yep in four months and by the way it should be ten dollars minimum that that you have to donate towards it but like if it was me like i'd put 50 towards that yeah if that was that yeah hell yeah but it should be 10 minimum you know so that way you could uh okay a lot more because 10 that means you'd need a hundred thousand people to be interested oh yeah but i think we can get that i think there are a hundred thousand people that watch this podcast there's more yeah yeah and so all we need by the way i think it's hard it's hard to convert 100 000 people we think definitely definitely it's possible it's definitely possible but it's hard how about this nope okay i am so quick with ideas yeah that i gotta sift through them yeah like a like a a gold panner you don't normally do that i'm not what was the thing you were gonna say we would do a uh for everyone who bought a ticket we just do a live show interesting yeah like they're pre-ordering just tickets to a live show where they unveil my weight loss yeah oh that'd be like the final weigh-in that's interesting not all bad ideas actually that's that's not that bad of an idea that's not that bad of an idea at all right nadav yeah here's the real [ __ ] thing if you don't lose the weight and he gets it okay now i'm interested okay okay this is what we should do this is what we should do this is what we should do okay this is why this is why we're a good team we're not crowdsourcing no we're not there's no donation thing if you see one it's [ __ ] fraud it's not real okay i like this we'll do a live show yes and whatever instead of saying an amount whatever the ticket sale proceeds are either go to nadav or split amongst the rest of the guys depending on whether he hits nope they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna cheat they're gonna lie who's gonna cheat they're gonna do what the survivor does they're going to be they're going to just split it all but you can't do that they're going to split it either we get it or nadav gets it okay you get it or the dog gets it i'm sorry guys how about with this either either when they'll do ask christina they'll shut the [ __ ] up they they they i'm already buying a compound with you any jesus christ if if it's got to be nadav or nothing because if you do that then they're just going to talk behind your back and be like look whatever it is let's just all split it and then then this we lose the incentive is a challenge so where are you i'm gonna lie that's that's where my my first thought was so yeah yeah yeah yeah you were right you were 100 right so nadav we're going to do a live show april 1st hold on hold on no we're not we are not doing a live show april 1st we're not going to have good did we just get kicked off no no it's just no no i that's the thing you just look at your calendar oh oh [ __ ] good call yeah because losing 75 pounds i think even in a year is gonna be pretty crazy for me no nadav listen do you want a million dollars or not i'd love a million yeah it's not 50 now it is 75. it's yeah it's 75. it's 75 pounds yeah and the dove yeah this this starts now right now i don't even get one last cheat meal [ __ ] time is of the essence buddy you definitely can you can eat whatever you want actually you can do whatever you want you can do right you can do whatever i want as long as i'm at 220. no no no oh sorry 200. yeah 200 pounds 1 million dollars no oh that's right that's right not 1 million whatever the proceeds are and then do we disclose the proceeds from our live show um yeah for that one yeah yeah okay i think for that one yeah and so then so we will be doing a live let me let me not only that here's the thing either nadav here's what we're gonna do if you do hit 200 pounds at the weigh-in you'll get the proceeds if you don't bert and i will keep the proceeds and we will tax all of you guys um two weeks pay for you [ __ ] it up for the rest of them oh that is brilliant tom yeah tom that is brilliant that incentivizes them to help them exactly so we they don't work out boy i'll tell you and i'll tell you what and i'll tell you what i'll tell you right now yeah i'll tell you right now you ready yeah are you tell me if you're in i'll say it but save your end okay and if the dog hits it and gets his money we'll bonus everyone two weeks pay okay we'll bonus everyone two weeks pay okay the dove yeah i'm calling my trainer right now ooh am i getting hooked up with the trainer no this is your [ __ ] journey buddy all right i i just told you it on it and on it they will take care of you i'm gonna set you up and on it hey so we have a weight loss spec going on with our buddy nadav he is five foot three two hundred and seven oh you're on the podcast right now lacey he is two he is he's he's not five three he's five seven five six five seven he is 275 pounds and and we have bet him 510 he says he's 5 10. he keeps growing yeah he's [Laughter] everything's in negotiation with him we have bet him uh we bet him a million dollars no no god damn it not but we bet him a ton a ton of let's hypothetically say a million dollars it's just hypothetically that was the original bet okay that he could lose if he can lose 75 pounds in four months wow that's a lot can you do it healthy weight loss is one to two pounds a week we don't need healthy we need weight loss when you're heavier can you do it i mean we have to get like a muscle to fat ratio and things like that but um you know anything's possible anything's possible people do lap band and lose that weight right yeah people lose a lot of weight and if you have a lot of weight to lose you lose weight a little bit faster if you clean up your lifestyle so okay how serious do you want to get in this challenge a million dollars serious i mean that's really serious do we need do we need should we have a doctor supervisors weight loss or is that silly yeah i think that's a life-changing um situation so yeah i mean blood work getting a doctor involved um uh a naturopath probably but we don't want something so you can monitor it doctor who's like don't do this yeah we don't want a doctor that says don't do it good call tom i mean there's not gonna be a doctor that says don't do it if he has weight to lose right and body transformation then you know that can be monitored so actually it's more like six months because it would start today and then in april that's not six months it's wait december january february march april five months five months no because the month of april doesn't count 60 70 pounds in six months you've what i've done that we've you know for movies we've coached people to lose 60 70 pounds in in that amount of time all right it's doable hey do you think can you help us out and get him hooked up on it so they can get someone yeah absolutely so when you lose when you have some when you have someone for a movie that you get you can get them down say 50 pounds in five months what does their day look like um i mean the first change it's got to go in like segments but the first change has to start with nutrition because you can't do anything if somebody's eating a bunch of junk or drinking too much uh so getting their nutrition under control which usually takes about two weeks and slowly building up workouts obviously you're slowly building strength but as you're starting to peak then we're looking at two workouts a day there's probably a cardio workout in the morning and then something very strength-based um and or sprint-based and also we're really focusing on recovery but you gotta depending on where somebody starts you gotta ease them into it because you can't obviously injure somebody off the bat so we gotta build strength and capacity and then by the end of it hopefully you're peaking and you're lifting really heavy a couple times a week you're doing a ton of cardio and you're doing you know max interval training with really good heart rate okay so so can you um i'll could you reach out to uh the people at on it and see if maybe we can do something i mean i can reach out to john but like i would love for i would love for nadav to have a go to on it every day twice a day for the next five months yeah i mean i'm sure john would be all over this yeah i think so right yeah john's [ __ ] amazing i worked out with him this morning yeah and they have all the all the recovered capabilities there too that will be super helpful is he going to be in austin he lives in he lives in austin and kuya is right next door they've got uh polar plunge they've got everything's got right there for him it's all possible i love this all right lacey i'm i'm back um i'm back saturday sunday at morning if you want to work out you want to just get right off the plane and right into a workout yep that's how it works you change your lifestyle to dove nadav is about a lifestyle change what is it a million dollars that's insane yeah not a million it's going to be a healthy life that's like the greatest gift of all time all right there you go all right lacie i will talk to you when i get back to l.a thank you okay sounds good right bye the new year is here and there is no better way to kick off 2022 than by making sure you're feeling like your best self one goal i have for myself this year is to stay hydrated and healthy i'm going to do that with the help of my favorite hydration product liquid iv this is true i rip packets of that out i put it in my backpack when i travel i kick it open every night every morning i fill up just one bottle and boom i know i'm hydrating way faster and way more efficiently than i would with just water alone one stick of liquid iv in 16 ounces of water hydrates faster more efficiently than water alone it contains five essential vitamins b3 b5 b6 b12 and vitamin c with three times the electrolytes of traditional sports drinks and it's made with premium non-gmo ingredients and free from gluten dairy and soy you can get it in flavors like watermelon lemon lime strawberry pina colada and more liquid i.v is on a mission to change the world and they've donated over 19 million servings globally grab liquid iv in bulk nationwide at costco or you can get 25 off when you go to liquidive.com and use the code cave at checkout that's 25 off anything you order when you use promo code cave at liquidity.com experience better hydration today at liquidity.com promo code cave is someone you love in a relationship with somebody who tells the same joke over and over or are they with somebody who has the audacity to starfish the bed now be honest is that somebody you relationships are not perfect that's why miyani's are celebrating are imperfectly perfect matches with their new valentine's day collection nothing like spicing things up with some hot underwear right gifting underwear for valentine's day groundbreaking gifting matching underwear for you and your significant other now we're talking express your one-of-a-kind relationship when you match your bottom half to your better half in fun limited edition prints be sure to check out all the me undies super cute and super soft undies socks bralettes loungewear and more available in sizes extra small to 4xl that's for fat sticks me undies is a great offer for our listeners for a limited time only get 25 off your first order of matching pairs for valentine's day as a first-time purchaser you can also get 15 off and free shipping right to your door to get 25 off matching pairs 15 off your first order free shipping and a hundred percent satisfaction guarantee go to meundies.com bears that's me undies dot com slash bears uh native yeah uh oh wait pull up your calendar you have your calendar on you um yes well and i want bert to pull up his we're announcing our live date hold on yeah yeah oh i can't wait we're gonna do a naked nadav weigh-in yep but wait pull up your calendar what's up okay are you looking at april i'm not can you yeah i am now okay where are you april 5th in nowhere okay that's a tuesday which is not an ideal day but it's the only day that would work for me done done april 5th so you got a couple extra days i gotta buy you a race car before that christ yeah now you have 75 pounds to lose and you might have a few pound heads nadav are you are you into this this seems this is i already thought i was worried for my health when it was 50 pounds here's the thing four months i'll tell you this let me tell you this i'll tell you this if you don't hit the goal weight you're still gonna get a prize a good one okay a cash prize you still still will will we decide this cash prize yeah but it'll still be significant it won't be the um the whole thing and we'll also because of this whole thing incentivizing you will give significant um bonuses to everybody okay okay but you can win a big pot if you hit the goal weight all right the dog yeah just so we're clear i want to make sure that i'm clear oh this is actually good i got a wedding coming up in april i look good for it are you guys gonna nadav you are gonna put red dick all over that wedding you're going to be [ __ ] placing that red pubic hair into so many people am i not making myself clear no i i'm feeling like gross it out nadav you buddy are gonna get the life that was promised to you at your bar mitzvah am i bar mitzvah when they said one day you will be a man yes and then am i doing andre the giant uh it's pretty good whatever you're doing you have a wife hey why don't you [ __ ] get a wife like just pick one up like in the netherlands or something when what can you still do that why would i you can do that get a mail-order bride no not mail oh yes whoa check them out let's just see if we can get you a mail-order bride nintendo you're gonna be a millionaire and skinny let's do this let's have uh you can't buy a [ __ ] house hold on stop go ahead let's do potential let's do potential um let's do like a blind date scenario on the way in where we'll have girls you know what i mean yes yes yes yes can someone nadav okay someone photoshop nadav skinny okay so we'll make him look like he's gonna look at the weigh-ins and then we'll bring girls should we get girls in austin sure it's probably best yeah we'll get girls in austin to come in and we'll do a blind date with nandav yeah them do what we need is we need girls that are attracted to him now but but go actually if he was skinny i'd really be in like you know what i mean like girls that are like i i want to see him skinny you know like what i mean yeah they're into him they like him yeah yeah but they're like not now but if he's skinny i want him yeah and we'll get those we'll do a blind date what was i going to say i just forgot it oh nadav let's talk about where you can spend this money and that's any this is why i love you because you and i buy the dream we buy the dream and it makes our hearts skip and then you [ __ ] us when you tell us the dream isn't happening right it's true i was telling you the whole time like hey can you stop talking about this house thing because i'm getting excited anyway we're still buying a house don't don't don't don't sleep on that i'm just saying but yeah because i live there i live the dream don't just buy the dream i live it yeah i can't wait i can't wait so what are you saying what was your question one million dollars what are you gonna do with it let's just put let's just say the number's a million dollars let's say a million numbers a million dollars because i think that's that's the number you need to focus on look whatever we raise is going to be a lot of money we're not raised but get on the live show but you need to you need the price point in your head to be one million dollars sure i mean first thing i'll do is just uh you know get my get my investments right no stop no you buy a house nadav that's an investment okay so where are you gonna buy a house start looking at i want you to start looking at properties on zillow this will nadav this will help you lose weight you start looking at properties on zillow and go and go where do i want to live what do i want to do and by the way i want you to make sure this has is it definitely a two bedroom because your chicks gonna have friends spending the night okay your chick is gonna be so [ __ ] hot and so we're gonna be doing like a dating game type thing on this live show i'm excited for the life that you get to have can i is that [ __ ] bizarre yeah i'm excited for the brand new life he gets he's going to get a great i need you to understand that you're getting a new life that you're getting a brand new life you're going to be skinny and rich nadav we're setting you up to win i mean worst case scenario nadav if you actually go after this and fail you're gonna be like 50 pounds less right and and you're still going to get by the way and you still have your good life now yeah yeah i mean i don't dislike my life now right but just wait wait wait i gotta ask you this because i all started with one stupid [ __ ] joke i know you know it was a joke when i said nadav asked if we could be accountabilo buddies oh yeah and then we became accountability buddies and then i started losing weight and then he was vulnerable and he told me he was like i had a bad week and i said well i said um i i want to fix it i love nadav i love nadav i really do i love you too it's so bizarre i didn't think i'd like you and i've said that a bunch i've said that a bunch you'll hear that on an upcoming episode that was done at my house yeah but like i didn't think you'd like me no he went all he went into detail because you know why because you don't care about me like me no no no don't get me wrong get me wrong when we first met when we first met you don't care about things like you don't care about celebrity you don't care about certain things you don't care about that and are that are important to me like i wanted him to care about me yeah he wanted him to be like so you're bert he didn't give a [ __ ] about that he was like hi that's how nadav met me he was like hi yeah and then he was like now like he's a very regular person he's the pete davidson of podcast producers very regular yeah very regular nadav you can get you can date a celebrity now wait let me ask him something and you can't cut in on this what's your word don't say anything because i sense don't say anything i sense a little uneasiness hesitation are you and i want you to answer honestly are you into this challenge be honest i'm into it you do want to do it yeah i mean april 5th is a little fun crazy yeah that's the date are you into that because you have to voluntarily yeah i mean look like if i'm in it i'm 100 in and are you i am with that date with april 5th and with the challenge at hand like you really i'm going to try my hardest to get down to no no no that's that's that's not the talk we need to hear i will get down to 200 whether i [ __ ] die or not that's what i'd like to hear in a dove no doctors just do it are you on blood pressure medicine now i'm on no medicine right now then you're fine buddy you're fine you don't need anything you don't need doctor supervision i had diverticulitis though that's kind of like a thing yeah but that's just diarrhea right it's a symptom yeah i am pretty [ __ ] buzzed off of two beers three beers three beers let's be honest who lies to themselves guys like me in the dove that's why we gained weight tom's on his phone no i'm just okay who are you talking to um [Music] nobody i was trying to see if we can get the trainer on i want to get i want to get him on about about doing this yeah what do you think joe would think i'd be like do it man you're a savage [ __ ] do it get on steroids in the dark now now i'm in now i'm definitely why not yeah let's [ __ ] cycle baby um i i'm so excited for april fit but but so what happens what happens if we get to like february and i was like i'm 290 and we're like you think i'm gonna gain weight when sometimes sometimes people give up on themselves i'm look i have a mirror in my house i've seen an app a bunch this is the fattest stuff bit you think i'm gonna be the fastest i've been and then be like you know we should do we should gain 20 pounds of muscle on top of this or more 20 pounds of fat what's my goal weight what is your goal weight this is interesting well from the dogs at 200 i have to be at 200. i think the opposite i think if an adult i think you should get to 275. no way [Music] oh this is so ironic you cramping oh cramping i'm laughing oh i wish i could tell you the inside joke uh oh my god this is the greatest podcast yeah i could do this i would i like when i get to heaven i want god to say hey man i'm a big fan of two bears i hope you guys are still planning on doing it every week i'm like tom's dead too and he was like oh you didn't hear on april 5th you guys all died from laughing and the doctor we're all up are you going to try to get down i mean i'm trying right now yeah yeah i mean i'll do whatever you put anything on me i want to do it i like that i love i'm jealous i'm not fatter and the dove i want i want a million dollar challenge okay i mean like i look at the like when this comes up i get so excited any challenge i love every challenge yeah i can only succeed on challenges for some [ __ ] reason is that the only way my brain works i i don't if you say do this then then i can do it give me something give me something nadav do you think you can get down to 200 i think it's going to be crazy but like if you guys are setting me up with on it and like i'm putting in two no no doubt here's the deal yeah we are we are setting you up to win we want i want you to win i want to win i want you to win two everyone watching wants you to win not everyone i'm sure there's some people that don't want you to win but but we get you in an on it and you start slow but it starts the diet thing is the thing and that's why i want to [ __ ] maybe trifecta or hop on i don't know you know what i'll reach out to trifecta right now and see if they can send you meals nadav and all you do is eat their pre pre-portioned meals you might have to go keto to like really shred that weight right i'm cool with it yeah i've done keto before trifecta is [ __ ] awesome delivery delivery they deliver meals to your house and they're all like fro not frozen but cold you put them in your fridge they are fantastic they taste awesome i mean legit i wanted them to do our bus tour but i couldn't get to them in time and then i just you know whatever okay all right but trifecta would be the [ __ ] tits i'll reach out to trifecta now you better go for a [ __ ] walk today man have you eaten yet today no i've just had coffee that's it that's you this is the perfect start yeah is the food here yeah what do you want to eat a celebration meal we should do a celebration meal what should we celebrate with whatever tacos they got is that what they got yeah they got tacos and beer tacos and beer yeah that's how we're gonna get him on the right track it's not the best way but yeah so this is the last cheat meal before uh i'm on my path to 200 road to 200. yeah no wait you said you're 5 10. maybe five nine can we have let's hey can we i would love what i would love is i would love to be able to track this what's the matter obviously wait nothing i what's i would love to track this uh hbo style can we do a vlog a separate vlog where we have people tracking his on it journey does that might not i'm not saying the right things i don't know can we do a ymh vlog a nadav weight loss vlog the people can track that nadav we get you to like record yourself talk about your journey what you're going through times when you're weak times when you're strong we'll get someone to maybe follow and track him to uh to um to on it to watch his workouts we talk with trainers sure and kind of like do everything i think that would be fun yeah would add another little journey into it so that when we i really want to build to april 5th so that everyone tunes in i want the people from entertainment news is that the name of thing e i love drinking i love it so much i will never quit drinking enough you realize there's like a high probability that like i don't know in a few hours this whole thing falls apart right uh-huh okay oh we've dedicated an episode to it that's true we have people are committed okay they're definitely i'm into it look i'm i'm all in i'm done you're in yeah i'm in so then do we announce it on social media today um or do we wait until this episode airs cause he's starting his journey now he should he should um get started and then we can announce it later i think that's a good idea yeah blue moon's a hard transition from these what is this founder's beer what you need to do native is go from here to a grocery store yeah i mean i i went yesterday i've been cooking for myself recently okay all right all right if you get to work out with this guy john wait when am i here again i don't know oh in january yeah i almost took the dog with me this morning i should have taken you with me this morning in the dove i'm sorry that's all right bert i still love you i'll get you some kettlebells mm-hmm you got to really get into sauna wait what's your challenge that's what this really i don't know what do you want it to be how what weight can you get up to and still be healthy that's a really good question yeah i bet i could maintain my weight at 252. i bet i'd stay at 250 and be very healthy but the question is yeah can i get bigger and stay healthy yeah i bet i could 280 i bet i could i go to 280 dude do you know how funny some of that stuff would be yeah how quick how quickly can you get the 280. pull up the picture of fat bird again i kind of like fat burnt like the the the picture that of the guy that tom stabbed oh oh yeah i actually think that guy is so likable he's super like him no not him me as him oh i got you yeah tell me you don't love this guy yeah yeah he's uh this is tom nicholson i think that is the most likable bird you could ever see except my face wouldn't look like that that's my real face right that is your real face yeah that's so that's how do i just get my my belly and legs fatter probably food and alcohol i'm thinking vodka yeah machine is pretty good ma sheen you tell this story all the time i say yeah oh you said it you said it to me yesterday i think you did yesterday i don't know no i am [ __ ] blurred into one [ __ ] day really yeah so then nadav my whole point of all this is then once you lose the weight you're out of the compound with us right oh wait i didn't know that was a part if i lose that weight then i have to move in with you guys yeah me me and any this is a part of the thing i didn't know about you well no okay let's just take it out then me and annie are buying a sick ass [ __ ] house okay you said same house or it's just like houses in the same group exactly if i got a compound and and it was like it's it's on a cul-de-sac the one i'm looking at and if and if i got a compound could i build you a house and then you live with us yeah i mean if i'm not sharing any walls with you guys down oh okay oh yeah let's build a bunch of tiny houses now that you're going to be skinny you'll be able to fit in them that's a good idea i you know can i tell you i feel like i feel bummed that i didn't i had so many good ideas in my life that i never followed through with yeah yeah yeah how many what do you think the best idea you've ever had is [ __ ] i don't know man it doesn't even isn't it crazy that you had an idea about trying stand-up and you followed through with it and then you're here yeah that's true i'm bizarre yeah that was just an idea that's true and there are people watching this going i always want to try stand up yep and if you don't do it then you don't do it yeah i remember lying to the lady wait tell me about the first time you did stand up well what happened was i was at the groundlings and there was a bunch of there was comics in my class right and i still remember sam tripoli was in my class really and he was like you should try stand up you'd like stand up dude and then i was like yeah i followed him around one time to see it i don't know how it worked i was like how do you how do you went to clubs with him yeah i watched him do spots like three spots then there's another guy named nick wegner and he's a writer now still he writes on like shows and stuff all the time and he did stand up and he was like here come with me so i followed him a picture of him i'm gonna see if i know him nick wegner yeah it's n-i-c-w-e-g-n-e-r i think is how you spell it um let's see yeah that's him that's him so uh he was in my class he's got a podcast on earwolf there you go nick's good dude funny guy so god he does have great hair um so he walked me into this club uh the the cat club on sunset and there was a lady booking uh the show named kathy and she was like oh hey nick blah blah blah uh you know because i was gonna watch him do a spot yeah and then he goes this is tom he's a comic and she just is like looking at something and she goes oh uh do you want to do the show like april 23rd like that and i was like yeah and she was like okay you're booked and then because he because he was just like yeah he's a comic yeah and then she just went to talking and then he was like you got a spot and that was that was your first open mic so it was like three weeks later and it was at the good bar which is no longer around on sunset i remember that please that was the first one and i told you how i first went on stage right so there was the i didn't know i was like super nervous obviously and there was the lineup which looked like this it was just names and they were like you're six i was like all right and i actually had i drank a beer and i was like [ __ ] i might need another beer in a second and the host was up there and she just goes uh all right in our first comic uh tom sagur sigura seguera i was like i thought it was six and i walk up and i go i thought i was six and she looks down she's like oh yeah i didn't know that are you serious yeah so i was supposed to be six and i went first how'd you do i mean i'm sure it's i have it on tape i have it yeah and we will be playing that april 5th on our live show where nadav weighs in for one million dollars yeah it went yeah well here's the thing for a here's how stupid i am this is hilarious it went well enough like i don't know that it was terrible i'm sure it's terrible standing but i got like a couple laughs here's how stupid i am i invited people to come to it and didn't tell them it was my first time so when they were like what are you doing like someone was like we're doing saturday i was like i'm doing stand-up and they went you you're a stand-up and i instead of going like well i'm trying for the first time i was like yeah i just stand up that's such a burnt thing yeah and then like so not you i know and like eight of them came really this group yeah because they were other like improv and they're like oh like i don't remember what they thought they must have been like guys terrible but i was like yeah i just stand up and they're like it was fun to watch you do stand up so how soon from that moment did i meet you so that was april of 2002 very quickly and i met you 2003 or 2000. wait when was georgia born 2004. i remember seeing george as a baby in the green room at brea yeah so that's probably when i arrived oh i met you before no i met you before then so i met you probably three i met you like a year after i met you three you met me when i was still dating leanne okay yeah wait um that's so funny can i tell you what bums me out about me is sometimes i don't i don't ever listen to other people and i don't i'm not curious about other people like i just want to tell you my story i look i'm owe my flaws i know what's wrong with me yeah all the things that people hate about me uh all the way that's what i was thinking about yesterday about when we were talking about the tim and eric parodies i was like i would hate a parody of me because it would it would it would highlight all the things i already don't like about myself of all of us i would hate the one about me too um but like i i get bummed out when i hear like a good story that i should have already known oh right right right like i have a i have a really good friend named eddie fernandez and he said to me one time he said my sister and i said you have a sister i've known the guy for [ __ ] 10 years yeah yeah you have a sister he was yeah i didn't know that he was of course you didn't know that you don't care about anyone but yourself and i went but he wasn't being mean he goes did you know i also have a brother i said yeah mario and he goes i have another brother i said i didn't know that he goes yeah yeah i know he's like i accepted for you for who you are and i kind of feel the same way about you yeah i i just i just don't even sometimes i'll ask questions like like i'll say something and then you'll say it to me and i won't listen yeah isn't it but i'm saying the things that that um that bother people about you don't bother me about you does that make sense no it does make sense clearly that's why i think why we're still together yeah isn't that funny like i don't know if joe has any brothers and sisters you don't nope yeah but and i never and i know i've asked him yeah but i don't listen does he yeah he's a sister he does yeah does he have a brother no yeah i get and then i get confused like like like uh does arya have any brothers yeah he does yeah for real oh you got a brother from switzerland he's got another sibling too he does yeah maybe two does joey have any brothers or sisters no so do you when you meet like how did you how do you know this just remember it from overtime isn't that crazy you have two sisters where do i fall i knew you're gonna ask that i know you've got a younger sister okay you know that i think you're the oldest really i do i'm not god damn it i'm the middle one lives in south carolina she used to yeah she lives in florida now they both live in florida that's the younger one the younger and the older one i'm the middle really yeah it's there's certain things i do know about your sisters that are the highlight things i know yeah but i but they're but they're not the things that like like you'd never share at a dinner party you like someone goes does thompson have two sisters i go yeah one is dot dot and then they go why the [ __ ] you telling everyone that and i go that's the thing i remember yeah yeah oh i know your dad was in vietnam that's true your mom's from peru mm-hmm that's it they're you they were you were born in ohio but you moved to south florida but you moved a lot when you were a kid yeah um push has an indian brother no an indian sister three indian stepsisters uh uh from who from her step-dad from her her mom her mom remarried her mom passed away right and i remember i really upset her one time really yeah the day her mom died you upset her that day yeah yeah because we were montreal when her mom died that's right and i said she was pregnant with ellis right yeah and i said uh oh i wonder if your mom met ellis in heaven and she went ooh why would you say that and i was like i don't know do you think they're hanging out and they know each other and she's telling her stuff about you she was like i don't want my mom to tell my kid anything about me and i was like sorry because i guess her mom weren't like best friends no no that's why her own friends because her mom are not best friends they're not is her mom alive yeah very pretty very pretty very pretty and uh and and by the way a [ __ ] liam would hate that i'm saying this a good time i liked her i met her once i met her one time in that crazy yeah i met her one time we went down she just totally turned it like like like never had a problem never never met her in like 12 years or whatever jordan and i are like walking around and we meet her and she was like you've never met her the whole time never met her i caught i talked to her on the phone one time and i said i said i'm i'm so shocked you have a southern accent and she it offended her and she said but leon on the phone because she was a huge runaway model like she was a huge runaway model she the woman is absolutely beautiful huge runaway model um and leanne um i answered the phone and she had she has a great southern accent and i just because she had traveled the world modeling i just didn't think she'd have another accent and i went you have a southern accent and she goes excuse me put liam on the phone and this last ever spoke to her that was it that was it i said you ever saw that that's all i said you have a southern accent and then and so they didn't you she wasn't a part of your guy's life because they didn't talk they didn't talk they they they've had issues you know mom daughter i don't know what i'm not going to speak for either of them yeah or they have any issues similar to like leanne or ma or uh pushing her mom yeah and then the one time i met her um we went to [Music] we went to george we were in georgia and we were at her grandparents house and her mom showed up lovely i mean lovely woman we had the nicest time it was so [ __ ] bizarre because i'd never spoken to her but she was the sweetest person we went the girls hung out with her everyone was like fall in love with this woman we go to the restaurant and uh have mexican food with her grandfather her grandmother and her mom had such a great time and then uh her mom said to me uh uh i this was fun i can't wait to do this again i go that's never i was drunk i was like that's never gonna happen she was really mean i said i don't think i'll ever see you again she goes why i said i just met you now i can't believe i'll ever see you again she goes what is that supposed to mean i said exactly what i said i don't i just met you now for the first time in 12 years i can't believe i will ever see you again and i've never seen her again wow isn't that crazy yeah yeah i liked her it bums me out that she's not in our kids lives but my kids don't know they don't [ __ ] give a [ __ ] yeah they don't care at all but i don't think they want me in their life i'm moving austin what the [ __ ] am i talking about the dogs on a weight-loss journey nadab all these are all things you got to look forward to when you're skinny it's going to be awesome um by the way so uh someone messaged me yesterday you know that like when somebody like let's say they google whatever uh uh joe coy tickets burke crisis there's just like a photo that they throw up it's like a website will just pull the one for you on seat geek is this one isn't that hilarious that's the one they use jesus christ i hate my face i'll never i'm gonna is that after the what's that that's the the weekend after the the weight loss challenge that's why it's shaved that's why i shaved i have no beard because of you and that's the picture they use why would they put that up i have a hard time finding pictures of myself online these days because of ticket sales because people put ticket sales everywhere yeah and so like so like you type in burke rice or sacramento it's all that comes up sacramento dates you know yeah it's interesting joe coy comes up with my name a lot isn't that interesting what really yeah if i type in burke rice or something it's jokoy always comes up probably because you're both on tour right i must be yeah with christ he's a he's a shockingly uh solid dude like being meaning like sturdy muscular isn't that crazy i think i didn't know that yeah he's like uh he i think he's pretty jacked really he has got he's one of those guys that's got like a bone density he's got big thick legs big shoulders look at me squatting down there like it's nothing look at him he moves around well moves around well he does move around well yeah i believe it his relationship with his son is so great i kind of wish i had a boy i know they really are i wish i had a boy and i was a divorced wouldn't that be cool sure i would really connect with that boy you think so yeah being divorced and with a son yeah nice move hit another [ __ ] park [ __ ] women are crazy aren't they right instead i got [ __ ] women in my life like if i got divorced there's no way the girls would ever side with me or understand me at all on anything they'd empathize they feel bad for me they pity me that's it that's the only thing i could get from two daughters if i was divorced was pity i couldn't get like yeah dad i get it no you get a son and he's like finally you know yeah have you got divorce from christina those boys would [ __ ] love you so much more i don't know they they love their mom way more than me so um are you gonna teach your boys how to water ski um i don't know maybe i think it'd be fun to get them out on the lake can i be a part of this okay because i'm a i'm a uh i definitely thought both of our girls had a water ski and you're an excellent wakeboarder and leanne is obsessed with it so what i want to do what i'd like to do i'm an amazing whiteboarder what i'd like to do is i would like to come down with leanne okay and have leanne here's the key leanne teacher boys water sports because they won't fight back with her but they'll fight back with you guys oh yeah so when you teach your kids something this is what i've learned is that if you're the parent there's they have leeway with you yeah you know they have outs that's why koreans never do homework with their own kids do you know that no yeah koreans never do homework with their own kids they come home and they switch kids and they then they go i'll take your kid you take my kid because you don't ever talk back to another parent but your own parent you're giving a little sass i don't want to do this yeah but if someone else is parent we learned that when we went to the third street that was a predominantly korean school yeah and so koreans never do homework their own kids so wait the kid goes home and goes to another parent's house from from where when when we went to this place third street school on [ __ ] whatever it is in l.a third street third street yeah i don't think it's on third street oh okay oddly enough oh it is i'm sure it is they wouldn't call it third street that we would we're having a problem there was a lot of homework because there was a probably korean school so the standard was up here like they expected a lot out of them yeah and so we had a hard time and they said who does homework with georgia and they're like we do and they're like no you don't do that switch it send them down to roy choi's house yeah have roy have g uh roy's wife i want whatever i'll have roy's wife do with her and you do with roy's daughter and that's easier that way more like for real they're like yeah that's what we do that's the way koreans ran it back then so that's what we do with leanne we take her out here and then we have her because it's a lot it's scary and they're going to want to push back yeah and but have leanne teach them how to get up on water skis have them teach all that [ __ ] have other parents do it and then we get leanne down here she falls in love with this compound nadav's skinny we got a redheaded christian in the boat with us you're a fun dreamer man i live in dreams i know it's a lot of fun i live in dreams uh but these dreams are gonna come true oh you have another beer jesus i have one more beer we're gonna wrap up here are you doing all the reads because i don't know if i can read um how many reads do we have you got a few maybe you should hold on a second okay okay let's see real quick what the what if people would chip in okay yeah if people would chip in god damn it didn't upload what the [ __ ] we're good let's wrap this up tacos yeah tacos tacos cold beer yep and then i think we need to do do a scale here annie i think might as well do away in before pictures sure okay we'll do before pictures fully nude fully nude i'll be with him yeah nadav let's do nude pictures where we're docking like our [ __ ] are touching yeah yeah now i've gotten off the rails all right i love you i love you too [Music] one goes topless while the other wears a shirt tom tells stories inverts the machine there's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean here's what we call two bears one cave no scripts a bit of booze amateur patology dirty jokes raunchy humor no apologies here's what we call two bears one cave [Music] you

Channel: YMH Studios

Views: 808,983

Keywords: ymh, your mom's house, your moms house, tom segura, christina pazsitzky, christina p, mommies, jeans, up, high and tight, what's with the jeans, denim on denim, podcast

Id: 0o3QjRYJHEQ

Length: 76min 49sec (4609 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 31 2022