Embracing Your Vulnerability | Eoinn Singleton | TEDxDrogheda

thank you very much everybody when I was working out what I was gonna start this talk with I thought about Jacques introductions and everything and then I realized that that's not what I want to do what I want to do is be honest because we're not very good at being honest as you heard I lived abroad and when I moved home I used to say to people or if people would turn to me and say hey Wow haven't seen you for ages how you doing and I had forgotten that how are you doing kind of just meant hello and people weren't really prepared for well you know the wife left me and I've got a bit of a drinking problem in a somewhat spiraling depression and I'll probably kill myself people go whoa okay and I realized that we weren't ready for for honesty or in those situations anyway and see I started as you heard I started drinking when I was 15 I quit when I was 28 I made a lot of mistakes did a lot of things that I wish I could take back see alcohol is a depressant if you told me that two years ago I would have said that you're absolutely crazy it's the only thing getting me through my day it was literally the first thing that I did when I woke up in the morning before checking my phone I've reached the end of the bed and I took out a bottle of spirits it was always a cheap bottle of rum and I took it out of the pillowcase and I took a swig before I got out of bed in the morning there was only when I was writing this talk that I realized that some of the habits that I had our bizarre like I would every single morning without fail go to the bathroom and start the routine of brushing my teeth and vomiting because your stomach is so upset from no food and spirits all the time that you'd puke up the mouthful you just had and then the stomach acids he'd sit there and shake for a while and then continue brushing your teeth and that was daily a one particular day I was leaning on the sink my knees were weak and I was shaking and I thought I was going to fall over and I looked up I looked in the mirror and I saw a man who looked like he was about to die and I looked at myself in the mirror and I said this is it man you need to get better or you need to kill yourself because I can't keep living like this I can't keep being this miserable being miserable is really really really exhausting and so I decided to get better but I don't know if you know anything about addiction people have to wait for this moment of truth this moment where you can stand up and be honest and that's why I want to talk about being honest my moment came around about two weeks later when I was sitting down at the table with my mother and she went in to make us a cup of tea and I reached into my bag and I took out a cheap bottle of Rome and I took a swig out of it can I put the cap back on threw it back in the bag and she comes back in with the cups of tea and sits down I say mom I'm gonna start getting better I'm really serious this time I'm really really gonna do it she goes oh the biscuits and runs in and get something else and I take another sip out like I said nothing good with honesty and and then she came back in and then the house phone rang in a little while later and I got a good swig that time I store memory you know the sound that a bottle makes alcohol bottled when you crack it open I still remember the taste and she came in and she looked me in the eyes after the call she hurried them off and she looked me in the eye and she said just what are you gonna do this was my moment a moment that I had cowered in front of with my wife my friends my family countless times before how a co-worker's support workers in a a meetings I had faulted and this time I told the truth and I said mom I took the bottle out and I told her everything and I saw the look on her face as it transformed and she really understood what alcoholism was she didn't notice that the supply of booze and the in the press had slowly been going down you know the back shelf stuff that nobody ever drinks and she said just poured away just get rid of it and I didn't something clicked something just clicked and I stood up when I walked to the sink and this valuable golden liquid just became nothing I just poured away and snap was gone I really do still remember how that last sip tasted I was 580 two days ago today I've been sober since and I like to oh thank you all together in a row and like I said I decided to get better but he's like the guys who who who go out for sale brought over and dry January going out to the pole of sober is it's really really hard work because firstly you're surrounded by that thing that you really love alcohol that you can't have any of it you're surrounded by your friends that are enjoying that thing that you really love alcohol and slowly as the night goes on they're getting more and more annoying and you're getting more and more tired and not drunk but as I went along I've went to eleven and then two and eventually four a.m. and there's something magical about 4 a.m. it's when people open up and people start to have these wonderful honest conversations you know what I'm talking about when you're sitting on the couch at the house party or just that perfect moment in the smoking area afterwards where your might and where your make goes oh man jeez the job's not going so well or whatever it is and those moments I live for those moments and I began to love the sash again I began to love staying out and the thing about those chats are the thing about those revelations that you have they're really really good all of those fossils that you dig up and you you dust off and you go oh my god I sorted this out this is amazing yes you're right I am gonna go to the gym you're right I am gonna change my job I am gonna tell my girlfriend that I don't like her anymore whatever it is that you come to whatever conclusion it is that you come to and then you wake up in the morning and all of that and trip intrepid ambition that you had its just tossed away like drunken madness you just dismissed those thoughts like oh they're the thoughts of a crazy person from last night but they're not crazy I remember all of your chats I remember all the chats that I have with people it's made me very very empathic I love it and the thing that like you you cannot drown your sorrows our thoughts our problems should not be reserved for the smoking area of a club we should be able to talk about our problems I read a great quote when I was researching this paper it's by frida kahlo I think I'm pronouncing that right unless I tried to drown my sorrows but the bastards learned to swim you cannot drown your sorrows for anyone who doesn't know depression is incredibly good at what it does because it makes you feel like you're the only one with depression that all of your problems are only your own and that you deserve to be there the world around you is less colorful food doesn't taste as nice I'm pretty sure I couldn't smell for years and just all of the saturation in the world goes away anxiety loneliness it's really really really really horrible and when you're sitting there alone I understand why people you know when you sit in the bus and you just see people staring at their phones what else he gonna do delve into those dark thoughts because as soon as you thinking about what a when you if when you're to listen to somebody talking to somebody at work and there's been an absolute pain all day or when you're doing with your shopping list in your mind or what you're gonna watch when you get home all those dark thoughts start to creep in and I'm not saying ignore them but you can take out your phone ignore them if you won't put talk about them with friends because all it takes is an honest conversation because all it took for me was an honest conversation and sometimes that really is all that you need and what I'm asking you is to embrace your vulnerabilities they are what make you you I want everybody just for a second please don't shut this out because it would get weird to picture or think of the weirdest situation you've ever been and the weirdest thing that you've ever done the odds are in this room somebody's probably doing something really really similar all of those weird problems that you have all those worries that you have you share them with everybody you're not alone and if you allow yourself to be honest and you allow everyone around you to be honest and we give each other permission to be honest you can really really make a difference and speaking as somebody who stood on the edge really all you need sometimes an honest conversation thank you very much [Applause] you

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 4,742

Rating: 4.8709679 out of 5

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, Life, Behavior, Depression, Self improvement, Self-help, Social Interaction, Society

Id: IbFybzoTxSg

Length: 9min 7sec (547 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 17 2019