Ellen Pompeo | Full Q&A | Oxford Union

[Music] [Music] [Applause] okay and I thought we just jumped straight into questions of course and I thought I'd start with sort of where it all began so I know you moved to New York City are you sure and I moved to New York City and you were discovered and cast and loyal commercials before embarking on an acting career well for you was it the city of New York sort of known for its drama scene that inspired you to become an actor what did you have ambitions earlier on I had ambitions earlier on I actually had an uncle who I spent a lot of time with when I was a child my uncle Jimmy who would take me to the theatre often in New York City and so I think I caught my love for the acting bug as a child visiting New York City and going to the theater mhm and did you find the York school like prompted or catalyzed they didn't make that a full-time career choice or was it more just dabbling around them seeing what you enjoyed like no I I think I thought about it very seriously for some time but I'm from a very working-class town and it is quite a grand delusion if you will to enter enter into a career in acting so I think I was trying to find what else I could possibly do to avoid pursuing an acting career and it just kept nipping at the back of my neck so I decided to to go about the steps and and try to get closer and closer to Los Angeles really and of course Meredith Grey was a character you've like an iconic character you extremely well known for what about that role do you think is so compelling that made people really like warm and resonate like that character you know I've been asked this question so many times I'm not sure what it is about the show why it's so successful or popular this many years later I would say I think it's not one specific thing I think it's many things you know obviously there are so many people who take part in making the show behind the scenes that we don't see and there's you know set people and costume people and writers and I will say that everybody cares very deeply about the stories that were telling it was a hit right from the beginning and think that you know a lot of the credit goes to shonda rhimes because she had cast the show initially in a way that we had not seen television cast she did what we now refer to as blind casting I don't know what they referred to it back then they were probably terrified but in that particular age of television we were not seeing people of color represented as doctors and so she really sort of took this blind casting approach and cast the show to look like real life looks and I think people responded to it mm-hmm you mention under Rhimes I know that you've often spoken about the importance of female empowerment both in the workplace and just in general and Shonda played a massive role kind of in instilling that value in you I was wondering if you could share with our audience your friendship with her and kind of the valley's instilled from that friendship and relationship I think the most interesting thing hmm that's a theme that you know is always so relevant but but often not thought about is evolution and I think the thing that that best describes Shonda and i's journey is the evolution of it she was not the Shonda Rhimes when we met or when the show started she was just a writer in her pajamas and she would show up to work every day in her pajamas and I think she was as terrified as I was she was a writer who had to write in her room and didn't have to be responsible for anything and all of a sudden here she was responsible for a crew of 200 people and responsible for turning out these scripts for this massively successful show so at that point what I couldn't possibly have perspective on that I do now is the evolution of a relationship the evolution of a friendship which is the opportunity to allow people to grow and change and I think so often we if somebody does something we don't like or there's a situation we don't like we're very very quick to just dismiss it and remove ourselves from the situation now obviously the situation is harmful to you you should remove yourself but there's something to be said for sticking with people and letting things play out and not giving up on things committing to things not giving up on them at the first coolbreeze most recently this week spending this time in London I've thought about the evolution of the monarchy and how incredible it is that wedding this week was just absolutely incredibly inspiring and the evolution of the monarchy is so inspiring I think to the whole world and so I think that we all have to evolve as as women as people as students as mothers as career people as princes or a Dutch and Duchess in the plan it has to evolve the species have to evolve evolution is such a natural part but something that's not always focused on and I think it's it's a it's a brilliant idea because everything must evolve kind of been on the topic of evolution obviously the Hollywood industry has come into sort of criticism for the fact that it's perhaps too slow to evolve for example when Patrick Dempsey's character in Grey's Anatomy left studios are very quick to try and find a male replacement when do you think will come a point where studios don't need to actually do that when they can realize that a female protagonist is more than good enough and that they don't have to like submit to very archaic values and ideals I don't think they will you know and there's there's several things that you have to dissect out of these comments okay so first of all there's no replacing Patrick Dempsey right it's a magical actor a charisma that you just don't find every day and it is more offensive to me to think you could replace him because we know there is no replacement for him he's extremely charismatic talented he and I had an incredible chemistry that will never be duplicated and that's magical and special and I'm so grateful that the audience and the fans recognized it and it resonated and we left an imprint but there's also something very interesting that I notice about women in general and of course we all want our fairytale and we all want to be in love and men are fantastic right there's no denying that and they're useful for many things however I I don't think it's simply the studio's who think that you know we need a man I think women are guilty of it too I have seen so many comments on my social media all the time they focus on Patrick focus on Patrick and and he's a incredible actor and an incredible person and so that's okay to focus on him I'm happy that he's soul revered but the truth is as women are as guilty for holding men up high which is fine as anybody else you know in in in actresses even in my opinion you know a lot of actresses feel more complete or more whole when they have a love story somehow if you don't have a love story you're not going to be at the forefront or you're not going to be featured enough I see a lot of actresses very very consumed not just on my show I'm saying just in general in the business I see female actresses some not all obviously pretty consumed with who their love story will be as if that may be the most revered part of this story that they try I'm really going to tell I want to tell Meredith solo journey I think that's interesting for the women who want to tell a story or need a story to be told about just them I think that the importance of that you know it's something I'm interested in but I don't think it's just the studio's who think we meet in need a man I think women are guilty of it too and then how do you think from that we can kind of escape perhaps that internal complex of feeling that perhaps we need a command or a love story I can actress that makes their role their career more relevant do you think there's a child as an opportunity trying to escape that Dogma or not really I think there are moments I don't know that we should escape it forever I mean love is the purest expense Arians will ever have as human beings on this planet i think love is why we're here we need more of it always but I think we should practice moments of it you know and that will come with education that comes with self confidence that comes with feeling we are enough by ourselves with ourselves that we don't need the validation of a man or a woman or another person to be in love with us but we shouldn't ever strive for life without it you know everything should be a balance you know who doesn't want to be looked at I mean Harry bit his lip when she arrives at the altar my husband has never been his lip and I'm thinking about leaving him that look was fantastic and who wouldn't want to experience that so you know love has the power to be transformative and you know we shouldn't dismiss it or say we can do without it we can't do without it I think the world is in such a disastrous place at the moment because there isn't enough of it you then just mentioned the idea of we're not good enough I know you've once spoken about how in an industry when it comes to for example gender pay gap females are less likely to kind of fight their case be more overt with what they want what do you think is the cause for that sort of ingrained insecurity and how do you think we can kind of escape that well I think that Amal Clooney recently said courage she she had a speech where she talked about courage and I think that it's courage but also the example to know that you can and it's okay I mean I I certainly when I I had a conversation with Shonda first obviously because I respect her and it's her show and I wanted to move forward through my negotiation with respect in gratitude so I asked her how should I approach this and she did say to me you know who cares if they don't like what you ask for who cares and I thought oh I had always been told that I would be seen as difficult or they'll think this or they'll think that you don't want to be seen as difficult we are often told even if I encountered a difficult situation at work I'd been told I would be seen as difficult if there's an abusive situation or hostile toxic work environment even the process of HR I don't know about here but in the States we have something called HR which was Human Resources and if you have a problem at work you're meant to go to them and explain and ask for help well the first thing Human Resources will do is tell the person you're accusing of being hostile toward you it will tell them that you are being hostile toward them so what do you think they're gonna do when you show up the next day at work so I think again like anything I think there's a multi-tiered approach to these things and how we deal with them I don't think there's just one way but I certainly think that feeling confident in what you do and having now I was in a very unique situation it's difficult for me to talk about these things obviously because I'm breathing such rarefied air and I have the privilege of asking you know for these these types of numbers on a big hit TV show and so you know you don't want to take it too seriously because it's all a bit silly right it's almost as if I've hit the lottery it's quite ridiculous but you know it's I don't put this it's it's it's hearing examples now in my case I had very concrete numbers about what the show generates I had a very specific numbers and women come up to me and ask me alive I feel I'm worth this and I should ask well you absolutely should ask for what you feel like you're worth but if you don't have the information which is tricky to get sometimes if you can't quantify what your contribution is it is ciao to gauge a number I had a very very specific number that I saw the number that Grey's Anatomy has generated over 14 seasons so I felt very comfortable having my agents come up with a percentage of that and I felt very that it was very fair in in in I think that transparency in numbers and knowing what your male counterpart is being paid or what the person who's doing the same job as you is being paid you know it really matters but it's it's it's a lot it's a multi-tiered approach you have to have a great attitude you have to be positive you have to have a can-do attitude you know I suppose it's you're not as valuable if even if you do a fantastic job and you're a toxic person you're not as valuable to the workplace as someone who brings light and joy and positivity in a can-do attitude and maybe perhaps you're worth more than someone who brings a negative or toxic attitude even just spoke about the idea of courage and how that's really important to have in the workplace and something that we've seen is the times up movement the me2 movement and how that is just an outburst of courage and Hollywood of people finally speaking up against harassment in Hollywood and in the workplace in general for you what do you think needs to happen for this to be a permanent watermark that actually changes the way things are run in Hollywood's the internal dynamics forever again many things need to happen but I think one is first men need to understand that they will not get away with it number one or women need to understand I don't want to be sexist about it it's everybody is capable of harassment of any kind right so people need to understand that it won't be tolerated number one and then I think people need to be educated you know I'm not gonna make excuses for these pigs in Hollywood who are do disgusting things to women however I do think it's generations of men these men clearly were brought up by older men and they clearly watched other men and they watched the behavior that they got away with so for centuries and centuries this behavior these men have learned this behavior and I think women have to also be responsible for the signals that we put out for the messages that we put out and the way we present ourselves I've said in my article and I'm not ashamed to say it as an actor you certainly certainly go in a room with the idea that this director needs to fall in love with me to give me this part and so as women we flirt I mean I can really remember my sister is sitting here and I can remember being five years old at the candy store in batting my eyelashes to try to get a couple of extra pieces of penny candy on my way to kindergarten I think we're aware of our power especially women were aware of our power of seduction very early on and we use it and and it comes in good handy right in a lot of instances it does come in handy but there's has to be a balance and there there has to be a line but I do think we bear some responsibility not all but but it takes two to tango for sure and that's not to blame the victims that's just just say I did go into a room with Harvey Weinstein i sat at a table with him I had probably a two and a half hour conversation with him he never said anything inappropriate to me he never made any sort of physical advance to me I wasn't in the room alone with him I had been sent there by an agent in the middle of the daytime I didn't think there was anything wrong I wouldn't have gone into that room at night but I he did nothing inappropriate toward me now had he I would have picked up that glass and smashed him across the side of the face with it so I mean you know it's it's it's all what we're willing to tolerate and in our self-esteem and what are we going to put up with and what are we going to compromise to be liked to be loved to be accepted how bad do you want to be in show business hmm final question for me before I open up to the audience so you've recently spoke about also your love of producing and how perhaps you prefer that to acting what about the producing role do you find so enthralling and what do you see for yourself and like your future as a producer well first let me just say producing has been monumentally difficult for me and I think it's harder because I'm a woman and I think it's even harder because I'm an actor first and I think that actors have a heart female actors have a heart of a harder time getting taken seriously as a producer I think I like the problem-solving its problem-solving really is what it is because it's obstacle after obstacle after obstacle and I think it's it's sort of a good metaphor for my life for all of our lives really and for my time on Grey's certainly that it's not about the obstacles because there will be many obstacles everywhere you go on the way to the coffee shop there will be obstacles it's how you navigate those that will determine how far down the road you get so the better problem-solver you are I believe the more successful in every area of your life you'll be whether it's motherhood a relationship or a career in show business or a tech finance whatever you want to do it's life is about problem-solving and the better you become at problem-solving the more success you'll have I believe I mean what do you actually look for when you look at producing projects that makes you really excited and think you want to worries that I love you know a lot of women in in Hollywood are very focused on female driven stories and I'm not so focused on female driven stories I mean obviously there's an intent behind the camera as well to employ as many people as many different types of people as we can that should always be a focus but they don't don't have any specific mean to tell only female centric stories I just love a good story but representation absolutely matters we had never shown a person in a hijab on Grey's Anatomy and when I directed that was one of the first things that I mentioned in my episode I want to see women and hijab in this hallway and I want to represent everything but we also had a background players with Down syndrome which I was very proud of so representation is is important to me but necessarily the story just has to be entertaining I love male movies you know there's this this thieve all female cast of oceans 8 coming out soon which i think looks fantastic but the Ocean's eleven movies are some of my favorites you know so I love men too no matter the audience okay say if you could raise your hand if you have a question and then wait for the mic to come to you and also stand up with your question so if we go to remember in the thank you so much for being here I think I speak for everyone in this room when I say that you've been such an amazing role model to my generation I was wondering how you've managed to stay so grounded in Hollywood thank you for saying that it's quite ironic me being invited to Oxford I have a 12th grade education so you never know where your life will take you so it's important not to judge yourself and definitely not others but don't judge yourself because you're capable of even things you wouldn't have imagined in your wildest dreams say that again I guess how have you managed to kind of control your narrative I got famous and successful much later in my life and I think that has a lot to do with it I had virtually lived a completely normal life until I was 26 or 27 years old and I think that has a lot to do with it and I have great people around me my sister who has been a wonderful influence in my life and I just try to think about other people before myself thank you could we go to the remember in the second room the magenta long-sleeve yeah I thanks again for being such a great source of enjoyment for the last fourteen years I think unlike most people in this room I actually have been watching for the last since 14 years ago I'm older than a lot of people don't worry it's okay so I kind of related to that I noticed that Scott Speedman was a guest star on a recent episode and I loved him and Felicity I was wondering if you watch Felicity or if you have any other shows that you go to for comfort food I have to be honest I don't watch a lot of TV because I I work and I have three children the last thing that I so I don't stick with anything for a long time no but the last thing that I watched was on Netflix called wild wild country I'm in the middle of that and I think it's fascinating and also I'm really loving the deliciously juicy Sandra Oh's new show killing eve which i think is fantastic and obviously she's flawless flawless and I can't get enough of her thank you so much of course if we could go to remember in the first round of the fighting show yeah obviously we're all really big fans of you but I'm shooting most people at Grace fans do you have like a favorite episode of Grey's or a favorite season of grace no I don't have one favorite there's been too many I've done over 300 episodes so I'm just grateful for the experience as a whole there's there's been I think if I had to solo out you know one that I'm most proud of I think it was season four or five where we told the story about gay soldiers who are in love and I think that's probably my favorite episode okay if we go to live but also in the front row with the striped shirt thank you very much it's nice to meet you so weird seeing lies for so long and right in front of you but you're not Ellen Pompeo you are meredith grades through and through I've noticed increasingly throughout the the seasons that it's become more politically engaged certainly more in tune with the political landscape especially nowadays is there anything especially with the the production company are there things that you've been told no way we can't get away with this obviously you have your own political views so it is Shonda that you may want to sort of imbue within the within the story but as the production company ever said no or repressed certain storylines well there's something called standards and practices so they definitely have a say in in the stories that we tell if there's something that they aren't fond of either because of the sponsorship but you know let's not forget so that so the so the the head writers change all the time which is why you see the show evolve Shonda does not write the show anymore it's Christopher Knopf who was on the writing staff for the first six years of the show so now Krista who just took over last year so you'll see a decided shift in the show from season 14 on and that's because we have a brand new showrunner who's not brand new she's one of the original writers so it's actually a really unique perspective because you know she feels she's one of those she's one of the creators of the original series right so she's reenergized in a whole new way for example we just did an episode where all the doctors ate pot cookies and standards and practices would not allow Meredith Grey to be one of the people who ate one of the pot cookies anybody else of the doctors could could have been intoxicated but not me so um if we go to the member in the purple t-shirt in February thank you hi thank you I just want to say that watching Grey's Anatomy is part of the reason I want to become a doctor and like seeing these strong female characters thank you and so my question is like when you're preparing for like a surgery or a case that Meredith has to do like do you ever shadow doctors I can solve with doctors or how does that happen so in the beginning much more than now you know now I sort of just go in and go through the motions but there are really helpful if there's a certain procedure I'm pretty interested in the medicine and to be honest when you're doing the surgery scenes if you're for me anyway if I'm aware of what the procedure actually is it helps me memorize the choreography and the medical terminology must easier so we have a medical technician a producer her name is Linda Klein and she's there strictly for us and to make sure the surgeries look real and that we're doing everything the right way but she'll show us a video of a certain procedure and yeah I'll always watch it because if I understand why they do this procedure and what the steps are it's much easier for me to memorize and and to immerse myself in telling the story if we go to the member in the second row just behind you diagonally hi I just want to say it's absolutely fantastic meeting you obviously if anybody had told me when I first started watching the series that I loved be in the same room with you I'd laugh in their face so I almost like I'm a psychologist and I wonder how emotional is the process of acting for you obviously the series is very emotional but how do you feel acting for me is quite cathartic and I'm so grateful that I found it because I suffered an emotional trauma as a child with the death of my mother when I was five so to have an emotional release to be able to monetize the depth of my emotion has been the give us the biggest gift I've ever been given so I find it quite easy it's it's actually it was easier when I was young I think you know when you're younger you're more dramatic and you know you love all that crying and drama the older I get now I'm quite settled and married with children and I'm a mother so I want as little drama as possible so it's it's slightly more difficult now but I do have a deep emotional well as the result of my childhood so I don't find it so challenging I just don't like it as much I used to love to cry and throw myself on the floor now I really don't want to do that it's not how I want to spend my time if we can gauge the member in the orange t-shirt yes a man yeh should be fair I don't actually watch Grey's Anatomy with my twin sister does she's a die-hard fan although I did have a quick question do you ever feel like your medical experience on Grey's Anatomy has I don't know transformed you into a pseudo doctor like if you're ever on the street or something you know you see something fall down like you ever channel your inner Meredith Grey and go in there and call a doctor yeah yeah I think well you know I find the whole sort of topic of healthcare in medicine and science pretty fascinating when I was in grade school science was my favorite subject and and I definitely do you know I I'm interested in I think it's an interesting role to play it's the it's the best way right because I don't have to be a real doctor I don't have the pressure of it I never had to go to school but yet I get to feel like I have all the authority but it's really quite incredible isn't it science and you know just what the human body is capable of and what human beings have been capable of fixing and perfecting and keeping people alive and I find it all really fascinating yeah once again thank you so much for being here I'm a psychologist as well and I've done quite a bit of research actually on gender stereotypic behavior and I just wanted to comment and something you said earlier so um in my research I've learned that a lot of say what young girls learn and like you said young boys as well is imitated and observe right so I think just based on my research I think we should be quite careful when you know you mentioned women are aware of the powers they have and of being seductive fair enough but I think it's quite important to remember that say from very very early on they learn to value themselves a lot in terms of how they look and what kind of they can do and what they can get away with and how they can charm people so I think we should always be quite careful not to blame women for the society they've been raised and pressures they've been placed on them from a very young age absolutely none of my comments were meant to blame women but especially in the United States we're seeing a huge huge wave of plastic surgery and you know to say that we bear some responsibility isn't the same thing as saying that we're blaming women there are two different points we can certainly be responsible we can certainly be influenced by the world and be influenced by culture but we also bear some responsibility to educate ourselves and open our eyes and if you don't have mentors and people to show you of course that's much more difficult but I just believe that you know we are all responsible for ourselves and I don't love a victim behavior so uh so I do believe in taking some responsibility for our own actions and thank you so much I would be devastated if their show gets canceled but what's next do you have any thoughts of the day after Grey's Anatomy no sleep I think no clearly I'm signed on to season 16 this show is doing extremely well it's still the the network's number-one drama so we're definitely doing season 15 and if we get picked up for 16 I'm committed to that Shonda has said that I can stop the show any time I want so but I try to live in the present moment I think it served me well I I noticed a lot of people are always looking to the next thing the next thing the next thing there you're looking so far down the road that you're missing what's happening right here and so I always just try to stay as present as I can and the next thing will will reveal itself I don't feel like I need to know okay we can go to the member in the back row with the blue cardigan kind of just in that left corner yeah thanks I'm hi I'm Michelle what does a typical day for you look like you have three children you know how do you fit in the gym or exercise or good food or romance with your husband and a schedule that I'm sure is as busy as being at Oxford with your show and how does what does that look like for you and do you have nannies and cleaners and you know all of that kind of stuff I do I have a lot of help I have housekeeper and two nannies and a husband who's very involved and a typical day it depends on if I'm on the schedule or not know one of the reasons why I'm so privileged to be on the show this long is I do have quite a bit of say in my work week and what it looks like and if I need time off I ask for it I have every Friday off generally so I only work a four-day week and it depends on the storyline how heavy it is but if I'm not filming I take my children to school and then I'll usually go home and either work out or have a hike and wait for my children to be finished with school and then I'll pick them up and then I come home and make dinner and try to sit down with them for dinner most nights if I can I can about maybe three nights a week I definitely can't but I just when I'm not filming you know 16 hours a day five days a week definitely not when I'm directing I am it's quite difficult directing it's very time consuming which is why I won't do it this next year but I manage it the same way all working moms manage and in a lot better off because I'm I have the privilege of having so much help and I also live very close to where I work so my husband or the nanny can take the children to work if I'm working a very heavy schedule they'll come straight over to my job and they'll have dinner there you know when we get to spend time they get to see you know spend time on the set and I just there's a lot of moving parts and I'm I have a great assistant who helps me coordinate all the moving pieces so I try to stay very organized it helps if we can get remember in the black t-shirt in the side hi thanks so much for being here it's also really surreal to see you like in real life um I just had a random question ever since you know your your fame and popularity took off as you said you're in your late 20s what's the strangest interaction you've ever had with like a fan or somebody who's followed your work and also if I have a pitch proposal would I be able to give that to you yes of course are you a producer well actually I'm not I'm originally from Los Angeles I'm actually in sag but I would really love to see more Middle Eastern representation on the show I was very excited when I saw the first you know intern character who wears a job and yeah I'd love to sure so you're right do you write or you're an actor um both great you don't say I want to be you say I am I just don't know as yell as a student here doing my masters yes of course what might my company is called calamity jane and you can do submission straight to there because there's a legal process so I couldn't take a submission and if then I did something similar you could come at me and we could get in trouble and so you do formal submissions to calamity jane cool and then for the first part what's the strangest interaction you've ever had oh the people on social media are pretty strange I've had some pretty strange this most most lovely the most lovely people but also there's a few weirdos in there too thank you if we can go to be member in the front row is the front oh thank you again for coming to speak with us today and so diversity and television has made so much progress in no small part due to Shonda Rhimes but with her moving to Netflix and like the end of scandal shows like TGI so many of the shows on thank God TGI tea I was wondering if there's a fear of its sort of going in the reverse direction especially since the election and the success of Roseanne which is pretty much not really representation representing many of the different like ethnic America I was wondering what it feels like on the inside if we feel like the tide is kind of turning against greater diversity and a grants greater representation on television I do not think that with respect to production it will ever revert no enchanting Dungy is the first black woman president of a network is the president of enemies of ABC I mean that would be horrible effects of that ABC so with Channing you know who obviously had to greenlight Roseanne they're appealing to an audience or they're appealing to show perspective or side to how other people approach things or think about things which I think perspective is always helpful right even if we don't agree with it it still maybe helps us to understand well how do you think like that or why do you think like that but to answer your question I I don't think that production will revert back what I concern me or what bothers me a bit about it is I don't like the idea of a fad or a trend I don't like the idea that now because Black Panther did so well now everybody wants to cast people of color because it's it's some you know oh we have that we can make money this way you know there should be thoughtfulness behind it and we're doing it because it's the right thing to do and it's the way the world works not because you're trying to jump on some money train that you now see that people of color can bring dollars to the box office so you're gonna you're gonna hire people of color or you know so that part of it bothers me not that I don't want people of color to get these roles obviously there there could never be enough roles from people of color in my opinion and there's hundreds of years of retribution that are owed to people of color in Hollywood so as far as I'm concerned give everybody the parts give give give all the people of color all of the parts and it still wouldn't be enough payback for what actors of color have suffered through I just hope the people doing the casting and the producers are doing it with mindfulness and are doing it because these because they understand that it's the right thing to do and that these actors are talented that they're not just simply trying to monetize people of color because that infuriates me even though I'm super happy for all the actors getting all the jobs and and with two black daughters I couldn't be happier to bring them to movies like that and and yet they get to see themselves represented on television and on magazines and it's it's really very important if we go April whelming if we go to the leather denim jacket in the side of the battery thank you for being here and I just got an idea and I figured rather than a question I have a little request which would be could we get a live very brief Meredith Grey quote or just any sentence that you remember that you really like I can't remember a single thing she's ever said I'm on hiatus darling thank you thanks anyway thank you if we go to the front row in the black t-shirt so number of us our MBAs here about to re-enter the workforce and as women you mentioned that it's important to quantify our value which i think is spot on and I wanted to know if you had any further negotiation tactics that you've found to work for you I think that when you're negotiating if you have a number in mind that is going to make you feel valued and whole and unsatisfied then you then that is the number that matters to you but you have to be prepared for it not to go your way you can't say you're prepared for it not to go your way and then not really be prepared the only power anybody ever has a negotiating man-woman anybody is if you're willing to walk away from the table but you cannot say you're willing to walk away if you really don't mean it in any negotiation you have to be willing to walk away that's your only power and you got to be okay if it doesn't go your way not everything is gonna go your way but if it doesn't go your way you have to be a big girl about it otherwise you shouldn't have been so sure about what you would determine to I mean you you can be sure about what what you want to ask for but you really only have power if you're willing to walk away and and you have to be prepared for it not to go your way and it doesn't go your way you can't just sort of throw yourself on the ground and have a fit about it you have to say okay well that didn't go my way what am I gonna do next you know but you got it the courage again you have to be curved you have to be courageous and brave and be prepared for things not to work out the way you planned and not to be a victim of those circumstances if that's the result if we just gave them during the plaid travels in the country thank you again for being here and as a huge diehard fan I felt like I had to ask if you could bring any character back regardless of whether it's actually possible who would you bring back Sandra that's no disrespect to any of the other actors because I have to say one of the biggest privileges of doing the show for this long as every single actor that has been on the show has been extraordinary whether their time on the show was happy or not whether we got along or not I still hold a deep deep affection for each and every one of them and I love them all dearly and would pick up the phone at any moment if any of them ever reached out to me and would be them there for them in a heartbeat and extremely grateful for the privilege of getting to work with them and getting to know them and create television history with them and I have nothing but fondness for in respect for everyone who's ever walked the halls of Seattle Grace in the second row of the back hello it's similar to the question five is just go ask whether you thought that the friendship between two such strong and successful female characters is part of Grey's appeal uh certainly yeah I mean it's many things are part of it but definitely the friendship between Meredith and Christina resonated with so many women remember in the organization if you could write the ending of Meredith stories on grey how would you like to see her go off into the sunset so happy I'm not a writer I don't you know I think one of the things that's allowed me to do the show for this long as I don't have many expectations about where the character should go I sort of stay in my lane so to speak you know Shonda Rhimes is a brilliant woman and the writers that she hires to tell the stories are all brilliant and it's probably best told from someone else's perspective because I don't think we we can be you know so objective so it's probably better in someone else's hands okay the putti have time for two more questions so I'm only gonna be at Oxford one time probably in my life so I'll stay and answer all the questions yeah but no one else can put their hands up no but just but I'll stay I'll stay until everyone's had their their question answered okay so if we go just remember in the back in the Navy thank you for being here and answering our questions okay boys so for me Graceland we're all showing up and having questions what have been so awkward if no one was in here when I walked in for me Grey's Anatomy really sets itself apart because it shows a female lead character Meredith Grey that struggles with balancing career and motherhood how important is it to you to be able to set such an example I think more than important you know it's a real privilege I sit in a seat of privilege is all I can say you know I can't complain about my situation or you know I of course I want to set an example but there are so many women around this world that don't have nearly the opportunities that I have and will never have the opportunities you know some people say you know luck has nothing to do with it it's hard work but you know lucked it has something to do with everything because just by the sheer will of the circumstance of where you're born I wasn't born in South Sudan so for that I'm privileged so it's important to me to tell stories that resonate but but I don't view it I don't know I I don't I don't sort of feel like I sit on any high horse feeling like the stories I know it's important and I don't want to dismiss it and and speak as if the the show or the role isn't important I know it's important and I know it's aspirational to many people but I'm just so grateful for the privilege that I've been born into and that I get to experience every day I focus more on that if we go to the member in the back row with the pink t-shirt so thanks for talking to us I was just wondering with the show sometimes making use of voice sorry where are you oh so with the show should I stand up come on so with the show sometimes making use of voiceover it's wondering does that change anything as an actor knowing that some things can be conveyed through that process no it doesn't change my perspective or my performance it's a little frustrating in some some years some writers that we've had the voice-over seems to just be written for how it sounds and when I'm reading it it doesn't really make any sense so in order for me to read the voiceover and connect to it it has to make sense and there's been many times when it didn't make sense so it was it was really hard to connect to but but it helps when it does actually make sense and isn't written for sort of how it sounds because sometimes it's written in a way that you know the writer was just thinking about all this sounds so been afore achill and amazing but when I break it down line by line it makes absolutely no sense so it it's how it's written helps me in the way I deliver it I guess if you go in the denim jacket hi I didn't know that I'd ever meet you and it is an awesome pleasure to meet you and meeting you know I love you even more thank you so much I enjoy the whole you are processing life and managing your life and living to inspire others I wanted to know how has Ellen shaped Meredith or how as Meredith shaped Ellen you have such a lovely voice and accent I could thank you for coming ever well certainly I've been playing the character for 14 years I think you know that would be maybe a question for the writers but I just try to connect with the material and I think that maybe the the the scrappy side of Ellen has come through a bit in Meredith and my dedication to people I'm sort of a pretty intense person I'm a born in November so I'm a Scorpio my astrological sign is Scorpio and we're known you - yes what day the fourth the 10th I know so we're not even ten days apart that's why I like you so much you know was so weird to us so so I think you know when I when I go for something I go all the way we're really intense right so I think that that's sort of true of Meredith and Elle and I've stayed on the show for 14 years I've committed I've you know I so I think my intensity perhaps thank you very much of course okay I'm beginning them in the Striped just beside of you yeah it's so great to see you I'm freaking out right now and 15 year old me would love this day your coats the ones that you have see at the very end are still in my dorm room walls like big bold letters anyway Grey's Anatomy finales are known to be soft vests for most of them not the recent one thankfully but was there any death with which you cried every single character the actor that leaves the show is extremely emotional regardless of the circumstances I said this on my Instagram the other day it's it's it's something that's really indescribable we're together for so many hours we're together through deaths through births through people getting sick you know we are a family albeit a dysfunctional family we are a family and like I said whether an actor really wants to leave and isn't happy anymore or is not being written for us is you know getting let go it's always hard I you know I don't care to have conflict with people in my life ever which is difficult because actors are quite dramatic we're all quite dramatic and we're all quite intense and we have intense feelings and especially I feel things you know very very deeply and I'm very passionate very emotional and have very strong opinions and very strong feelings as do a lot of actors so it's it's quite Moltres environment to get a bunch of actors together and then exhaust them to the point where we can't see straight and put us in these confined spaces and make us tell these stories and it's it's quite it's an atmosphere that's quite ripe for chaos so yeah I cry every time because it's it's you know we're emotional and we actors cry all the time anyway but uh it's it's a lot that we go through to tell these stories you know you know you never know what story resonates with someone if someone you know just recently we lost a hairdresser on the show this woman Shay who was just the brightest light and we were filming the episode right before the finale where April kepner's character was lying in a bed and all of the characters are around her bed waiting for her to either wake up or pass on and the scene is meant to be that we're you know we're sitting around and we're not we're not knowing whether she's gonna ever wake up or whether she's gonna die and at that very moment in real time in our real lives our beloved Shay was in a hospital bed not five miles away from us transitioning passing away from cancer when since um one of our other hairdressers was sitting by her bedside with her and we all knew that was happening so it was happening in real time that we were losing a beloved cast member or cast may a colleague and so we're filming this this the scene that is identically parallel to what we're experiencing in real life and the emotions were just through the roof and we couldn't get through it and we had to stop filming and we had to resume the next day so you know actors were all very sensitive and we're all I feel very lucky and privileged to be get to get to do this every day so it doesn't matter what the circumstances are and very often times it's I'm not going to lie it's chaotic when people aren't continuing on with the show there's a lot behind the scenes it's emotions run very high whether people want to be on the show or not the idea of leaving the show is intense for everybody and so you know to all the people listening on social media to sort of beat anybody up or beat actors up over in this time not even pertaining to myself per se but just you know people need to understand that it isn't easy for anybody and what what you think is going on or what what you you need story that you've told yourself in your head about the behind the scenes you really don't know and people should just be kind to one another because it's it's a mix of emotions and and it's it's it's very challenging and difficult for everybody so we always cry my answer is I always cry but I also try to look at the bright side and look at the light at the end of the tunnel and say this actor will go on and do something else fantastic and they'll go on and have another amazing chapter and you know Sandra's proof of that right now I mean I wouldn't have anything to watch if you weren't doing this other show so they're all super talented people and life is about change isn't it you know we it's about change and change is a necessary part of life so we have to accept it if we go to the in the front row in the blue shot hi thank you for being here and to my boyfriend who passed me the microphone thank you thank you thank you I wanted to ask because I know you spend probably so much more time that all of us can see trying to be married at and trying to bring her to us and preparing to do that and it's obviously been 14 years how did that affect you how did it affect your sense of identity and your personality in a way and the way you changed through all this year as a person I don't know that it does again it's it's hard for me to be objective about myself and talk about myself I don't know I that would be maybe better question for someone who works with me or spends a lot of time with me I I think that dealing with the topic of sickness and death on an everyday basis certainly I think has made me more thoughtful about our our time here which is so limited and made me appreciate just if you have health you have everything nothing else matters because if you're not healthy and can't be cured then then that's the only real problem that we can have I mean certainly there are other real problems but you know what I'm saying it's someone problem that can't be fixed or can't get yourself out of do you think you very much if we would skate remember in the striped shirt hi so I have two questions first of all do you have a favorite relationship that Meredith has be it like friendship or Derek or whatever and the second one is what do you think are the chances that maybe another character might come back I'm thinking more of like Arizona or April or yeah I don't think there's all my friendships on the show I value they're all different I don't want to play favorites because that's not fair I think you know your favorite relationship is one thing but you have relationships with different people to teach you things in life so whatever even if it's not your favorite relationship that person is in your life for a reason to teach you things so all relationships are useful and all friendships are useful just for different reasons and I I'm not a writer I don't foresee them coming back from my understanding the writer has said she wants to change the direction of the stories that she's telling so I I have to respect that okay if we choose a member in the first row in the denim shirt today you mentioned that you have a lot of support from your sister and your husband and everyone around you and what do you think of people in the industry or what could the industry do to provide more support mentally or emotionally for younger actors who don't have this sort of support system around them what do you think it is the industry's role that's a tough one I I know I certainly try when I meet young actors if I go out to events or I see a young actor I I definitely try to open myself up and make myself available to mentor young actors if they reach out to me and in need that but I think you know mentoring is a huge is a huge part of it but for the most part I mean let's not be Pollyanna about Hollywood right it's a it's a you know a scary dangerous place there's a lot of great things that happen but behind the scenes you know there's a lot of evil that goes on - and there's a lot of self-centered stuff and it's it's it's not a place where so many people are reaching out to help people I don't I mean I I'm very lucky and I have a great boss and I definitely will pay that forward and and I've had great women mentor me Shonda Rhimes and Debbie Allen have both been fantastic to me and so I'll definitely will pay that forward but I I don't know that you're gonna see it some change or shift in Hollywood where everyone's sort of helping each other out and in in you know lending a hand I think it's easier to do that when you're successful and you're already at the top you should of course reach down and help other people get up there that doesn't mean I think there are lots of people doing that probably the final question remember the white t-shirt is behind you hi it's amazing to meet you there are two of us here earlier we were talking about how you Meredith in the show are actually quite a big part of our inspiration to study medicine so thank you for that and for bringing that to us I guess question Alessandra was like obviously over the years the show's lost some characters gained new characters of the original crew like the original interns from season one are you close with any of them now still what're your relationships with them like just wondering if any of that's been kept in contact you know to be honest I'm not but that's not because I don't want to be or you know there's any ill feelings on my part I think that you know I've been told and again I don't you don't want to speak for other people because that never goes well III I'm very fond of all of them will say and and but I'm not in touch with with anyone no I don't know what it's like when you leave the show you know I don't know I don't know how you feel about the show you know there's some people who just sort of want to look forward and don't want to look back I know I'm like that I don't I have pictures around my house of my children but I'm not very nostalgic I don't have a lot of pictures of the show in years past and I always look forward I'm not a very nostalgic person so I think that you know sometimes people just want to keep it moving just want to look forward you know and they may have bad memory of the show or something you know you don't know how anyone feels so it's okay and unfortunately on that night I think we have take one more okay cutie in the back there it's a guy you're here just wondering how'd you meet your husband and I say I ever been challenged for him having such a talented successful and famous wife I met my husband in Los Angeles through a mutual friend and I'm sure it is very challenging for him at times yes but he navigates it well and not so well sometimes but he does his best and he's still around so can't be that bad okay I'd like to say a huge thank you so much Adam I'm so truthful and engaging talking if you could all join me in giving an instruction you

Channel: OxfordUnion

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Id: JvI8Q38aRWU

Length: 67min 37sec (4057 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 07 2018