Drug Addiction: Shooting Heroin For The First Time

I'd say the first time I shot heroin I was 18 I was in the back of some Honda Civic with these two homeless people they lived in their car and I remember it was in Manchester New Hampshire we had been panhandling I was homeless at the time don't really want to go into how I became homeless I remember they uh we stopped in the middle of a street the guy uh the driver got out of the car went met up with this guy who got the bag of heroin came back into the car we drove off to some parking lot they mixed up a shot I was like really afraid for my first time because I didn't want to overdose and uh they shot me up after that the first thing I felt it was almost like a a punch to the chest yeah it it was kind of kind of like a like a punch to the chest like my breathing had become restricted it was harder for me to breathe just like a tingling warm sensation like someone had just poured hot honey over the top of my head or my brain someone like took someone like took some honey warmed it up just perfectly in the microwave somehow opened the top of my skull and just poured honey over my brain and and I just felt this this Clarity that I've never felt in my life this feeling like okay yeah this is what I've been missing out on my entire life and I and I knew in that moment that I was [ __ ] but I didn't care I had found what I was looking for I knew knew that this is what I wanted to do anything I wanted to be anything I I any goals I had in life were instantly forgotten about and my number one priority was feeling this feeling all the time for the rest of my life I didn't care about anything I had no morals from from that point when I when I first felt that feeling everything after that I had I had no morals there there wasn't anything I wouldn't do to get more heroin heroin has really been the uh the Barnacle under my boat that has been stuck there I don't even like to smoke pot anymore that's really what I started with too is is marijuana I uh every time I smoke it now I everything I say I repeat it in my head and it's not fun anymore especially when I smoke it with other people I act really weird or at least I think I do uh later on I'll ask I'll be like hey was I acting weird and they're like no dude you were totally fine but I feel like they're just lying to me yeah I don't like smoking pot from that moment forward after feeling that feeling the first time doing heroin I didn't give a [ __ ] about anything I didn't give a [ __ ] about life I didn't give a [ __ ] about my friends I didn't give a [ __ ] about my family my top priority was how can I get money to get more heroin to relive that same feeling and never again did I feel the feeling I felt the first time I I shot up I chased that feeling I'm constantly looking for that feeling today as we talk every day doing heroin has turned me into the biggest [ __ ] you can ever imagine I've talked about before normaly becomes painful living your life on this pink poofy Cloud being high so often when you are not high you're a [ __ ] [ __ ] you can't deal you can't deal with anything you can't deal with life and you can't deal with the problems that come your way you can't you don't have time for anybody all you care about is yourself and all you care about is making sure yourself feels good it's a very selfish Endeavor it's it's if if you even want to call it that it's a very selfish way to live life and that's that's what I've been I've been a selfish prick for the last decade of my life my mother has spent days staying up at night wondering where I am my father has gotten many phone calls from various police departments hi Mr so and so we have your son we just want to let you know that he's okay he's in custody right now his charges are XYZ and uh to keep it real with you my folks are always glad when they would get that call because they knew I was safe it's hard for us to realize the pain that we put our loved ones through it's hard for us to realize the damage we have caused because we ourselves are damaged we've got unresolved trauma things that happened years ago really us using heroin is it's incredibly selfish and I'm not here to to [ __ ] on heroin addicts Lucy come on now I'm trying to make I'm trying to make a YouTube video over here old budrick okay my addiction today is manageable my life is manageable I'm sure you've heard it before in the rooms of AA or na or wherever you go for support that your life becomes unmanageable when you start drinking and doing drugs my life today is manageable

Channel: Let's Talk Recovery

Views: 39,968

Keywords: addiction, recovery, heroin first time, what's heroin like?, the feeling of heroin

Id: kNyQan61K_U

Length: 7min 18sec (438 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 11 2024