Dreaming Of Carbs | Kevin Bridges: A Whole Different Story

i went to the gym the real jump no the big proper gym guys the real [ __ ] big tanks this new breed of man that you get they're big mammals like protein bastards with a big beard covered in tattoos did i create you in a playstation game guys they work in the car phone warehouse but they're training for the apocalypse convince their best mates shagging their messies and they're training for the day they can finally prove it and that's what puts fat people off the jump these guys take it too far he's like only god can judge me i'm standing here judging you your big [ __ ] bell end [Applause] i went to the guy i said look mate i'm trying to lose a bit of weight the guy goes it's all about nutrition all about nutrition you can do whatever you want on here but it's all about nutrition you can't out train a bad diet and he asked me he asked me what i had for breakfast would you have your breakfast this morning instantly i'm thinking i bet i'll say something that i never had for breakfast this morning i made a good impression brush big [ __ ] mammal i said oh i had fruit mate a bowl of fruit the guy's going fruit in the morning that's got to go fruit in the morning very high in sugar you need to lose that i'm making fruit mate fruit that's bad for you now [ __ ] fruit fruit i never had a bowl of fruit but as far as your well i did have a bowl of fruit so i should be commending that the [ __ ] terry's chocolate you have no idea how low i would stick for breakfast cold pashwarian and nutella on it i've been there me and you're on my case about [ __ ] through it i used to have four raspberry ice poles in a one bar for breakfast half past day every morning for six years in a rowing sausage at half past then a pizza crunch and chips at 12 o'clock a can of coke then [ __ ] astro belts on the way him [ __ ] physical bottles bicycles johnny's onion everything home for crispy pancakes oven chips potato waffles croquettes yellow mate that was the only color aberdeen yellow and you're on my case about fruit i never said that a guy would punch [ __ ] at me but i was thinking i said all right i'll cut out the fruit guy gave me a diary of felon a food diary that's a step too far johnny submitting handwritten wise to somebody just tell me all these foods to cut carbohydrates should beat my [ __ ] eat the stuff eat that sort of stuff i'm filling in my food diary on the internet reading about super foods trying to impress the big man monday morning you have it on toast or you'll go off you see the face monday morning breakfast then i had almonds and blueberries and then i had beetroot beetroot that's a superfood jar a beetroot meat get a spoon rattled a lot then i had that's a powder snorted a couple of lines i can walk and then i had oily fish and i really felt it reducing my risk of outsiders me and the guys going on this is great kev that's the truth i'm saying no the truth would break your [ __ ] heart i'll tell you the truth that lasted two meals with carbohydrates and i thought i was going [ __ ] insane never felt so angry i had to get off the couch and just lie on the floor staring at the ceiling trying to take myself to a happier place fantasizing about carbohydrates i never knew what a carbohydrate was until you told me to cut them up and then you grasped them all up i'm lying there oh i would love a spaghetti toasty right now how good would that be or a baked potato with rice in the middle then i could put that on a sandwich and the last time i had a piece and baked thoughty and ricey with a wee spaghetti toasted cheese oh yeah and i crumbled me i went rampaging through my own kitchen in the freezer there was a tub of ben and jerry's that had been there for months now because it had been there for so long the little wooden spoon that you get inside the top of ben and jerry's bent and snapped on impact with the ice cream so i had to put the top of ben jerry's in the microwave no i left it in the microwave a bit longer than i should have done and the ice cream melted so rather than just have a few wooden spoonfuls as i had initially intended i drank the [ __ ] lot me i never knew how to fit that into monday evenings column give me a quad or you're getting stamped you

Channel: Kevin Bridges

Views: 245,651

Rating: 4.9513087 out of 5

Keywords: Kevin Bridges, Kevin Bridges Stand Up, British Comedy, Comedy, Stand Up Comedy, Glasgow, Scotland, Diet, Protein, Shake, Food, Carbs, carbohydrates, starch, gym, workout, home workout, keeping in shape, weight watchers, slimming world, losing weight, fat, fit, sport, gym motivation, a whole different story, universal comedy, stand up, scottish, chocolate orange, food diary

Id: PeA_T34Ezk0

Length: 6min 9sec (369 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 09 2021