- House MD actually does clinic hours. Let's see some of his wildest encounters. Huge thank you to Headspace for sponsoring a part of today's video. (Mikhail exclaims) - My asthma. They said they'd fixed it, but it didn't make any difference at all. - Asthma step up plan. If you're using your
rescue inhaler too often, AKA your Albuterol, you might need a controller medication to prevent the asthma
attacks from happening. Some people have specific
triggers that they can avoid or they can take medicines
targeting those triggers. You like to think about
allergy medicines for that. You could take your
traditional antihistamines or maybe even a medication like Singulair. You gotta think outside
the box with asthma. - Are you using your inhaler? - All the time, go through one a week. - You sure you're using it right? - A lot of patients, especially children, tend to not use it correctly, 'cause they weren't properly educated. They would benefit from a spacer. This is what a spacer looks like. (inhaler puffs) (Mikhail laughs) Come on, there's images on the bottle of what you're supposed to do. That's never gonna happen. - Experiencing fatigue and weakness. - Usually he's stronger than an ox. - 102-year-old ox. (Mikhail laughs) - 102-year-old ox, an elderly ox. (ox moos) - There's tingling in
his feet and his legs. I want a full battery of tests. - Well maybe we wanna
check if he's diabetic because, in that case,
you could treat that and you could change quality
of life tremendously. - Nice of you to float your friend. - He's not my friend, he's my father. He's 22 years older than me. - Well that's true. He's definitely had his jowls done. Statistically, if he
didn't have these symptoms, he'd be like most people of his age, dead for the past several decades. - Do the tests, I'm sick. - You have a bad case of natural causes. - First of all, he should do some tests, but I wonder what they think it is. That's like one of the first
questions I ask as a doctor. - He's 102, his next test is an autopsy. Look, I love the old man, but I gotta get him out of the damn house. He needs to be in a care facility. - So tell him, he's a big boy now. That's very generous, when you were 30. - [Patient's son]
Pretend to run the tests. - We don't do that. You can't bribe doctors to give you the results that you want. Doctors really shouldn't
be accepting gifts, I think it's over $30, I think that's what our tests say. When a patient bakes
you a cake, it's fine, but if a patient bakes you a cake with gold flakes on
it, you have to say no. - I love him, but he can't let go. - 40 bucks says he can. - I can't do anything
without him helping me, like I'm senile. - You're gonna give him five bucks. Oh no, he gave him 100. - Skip the blood work. Tell my son it's grim news. I need to be in a nursing home. - I think that's actually a dis. If a patient thinks they can buy you, that means you're sending
off the wrong signals, and if two patients
think they can buy you, that means you probably
should be retiring. - Test results. - Ha. - It's my recommendation
that you move into a home with round the clock care. - I can't believe it. - Can't my son give me
round the clock care? - Not unless you've done
your two year certification in Tiburana swab technology. - Tiburana what technology? That's made up. - Just because he has a little tingling and some trouble feeling hot and cold. - That's the spinal, oh my God, the thalamic pathway of the spine. God, I don't remember
the pathways anymore. (computer pings) - Show me your denture cream. He has zinc poisoning. To get it from denture cream, you'd have to take so much of it, trust me, he never leaves home without it. - How much do you use, pop? - About a tube a day. - It explains all your symptoms. Medically, there's no
reason to go anywhere. - He solved the case that the patients didn't want solved. Back to the show in just a second, but first I wanna thank Headspace for sponsoring this part of the video. My life is pretty chaotic, whether I'm treating
patients in the hospital, making YouTube videos, training as a boxer,
or taking care of Bear. My attention is constantly being tugged in multiple directions. I'm sure many of you feel the same way which is why I would recommend
you try out Headspace, an app you can use every
day to build good habits that improve your mental wellbeing. They have over 1,000
pieces of premium content where you can find any
resource for any mood or any goal that you wanna achieve. There are guided meditations,
eyes open exercises, like mindful walks and runs, breathing exercises, sleep content, focused playlists, and so much more. There's really something for everyone, from guided meditations for beginners, to less structured programming for more seasoned individuals. A wide variety of meditation teachers offer their unique perspectives as well, so you can try a bunch out
to see what's right for you. Not only have these mindfulness techniques been used for thousands of years, but science has backed them up as well, proving that regularly engaging
in mindfulness exercises can lead to a happier and healthier life. Sign up today for a free trial and thanks again to Headspace for sponsoring this part of the video. Let's get back to the show. - You're not pregnant. - Well, I told you that. - You were pregnant. Based on your hormone levels
you've had a miscarriage. - Well, that could happen. We can see that, yeah. - I haven't even been on a date. - Right, since it's physically impossible to have sex without
someone buying you dinner. - I haven't had sex. - Fine, have it your way,
immaculate conception. - Or, how about this, Dr. House, the patient has a tumor
that's secreting the hormone that you think is responsible
for her lost pregnancy and you think about her
cancer potential diagnosis instead of assuming she's a liar. - What do I do? - Well, it's obvious, start a religion. - Take birth control if you truly believe that she was pregnant as a
result of sexual activity. - I've got your results back. No GHB, no nothing. It means you're having sex
and you're lying about it. - No, I haven't had any in over a year. I just wake up really exhausted. - Oh my God is she sleepwalking? - My ex lives in the apartment downstairs. He's always calling me, always
wanting to get back together, complaining about mixed signals. - We have a sleep lab in the basement. If nothing else, it'll get you away from
your ex for a night. - See, when I present
patients to a sleep lab it's usually a diagnosis of sleep apnea, which is, basically,
where you stop breathing for a period of time and, as a result, you wake up and you are not really able
to get good quality sleep. And as a result you get increased risk of all these other conditions like hypertension, cardiac disease, even diabetes in some cases. - These were your brainwaves at 2:45 AM. Here it comes, there's an abrupt jump from slow wave sleep. This indicates partial sleep arousal. Most common type is
somnambulism, sleep walking. - That would explain why
I'm so tired when I wake up. - Yes, and also why you were pregnant. - I had sex in my sleep? - Only in a medical drama. - No formula, just mommy's
healthy, natural breast milk. - I hope you also
supplement with vitamin D, 400 IU or 10 micrograms. - Her whole face just got
swollen like this overnight. - Mm-hm? - Maybe a little slapped cheek,
a little parvo virus B19. - No fever, glands normal. - Do you go, glands normal? My guy, feel the glands! (graphic beeps) - Vaccination dates? - We're not vaccinating. - House, please handle
this with some empathy, please, empathetic approach. - Think they don't work? - I think some multinational
pharmaceutical company wants me to think they
work, pad their bottom line. - You know another really good business? Teeny, tiny baby coffins. (dramatic drumming music) (graphic buzzes) (speaking foreign language) - She has mental problems. They're really bad. The pain keeps her in bed all day. Plus she's super depressed. - A red nose could be a
sign of a viral illness, perhaps allergies, frequent rubbing. Also, patient looks a little bit pale, heavy menses with menstrual pain could be related to fibroids. - She wants birth control
pills for her PMS. - I guess. - Or is she pregnant? - Judging by the redness
around your mom's nostrils and the tissue she's got conveniently stashed in her wristband, I'd say her problem is more likely a URI. - A URI? - Upper respiratory infection. - An Upper respiratory infection. I also think she's got a problem with SAC - SAC?
- Stupid American child. If you want the pill, all you have to do is to
walk into any health clinic in Jersey, alone, and ask for it. - How in the world did he know this? I would rack my brain for days
trying to help the patient. He just assumes the worst. How do you even function this way? (paper rips) - Is that for her cold? - No, that's for your ovaries. I assume you haven't had a stroke. Have you ever had a blood clot? - No.
- Super. - Also ask if she smokes
Dr. House, that's important. (speaking foreign language) - She's been taking the decongestants but she's not getting better. She asks (speaks indistinctly) - What? - Her boobs are bigger. - Is she taking the birth control? - How could you get them mixed up? They come in a little wheel. They don't look anything
like decongestants. (speaking foreign language) No, you gave her the wrong pills. - You speak Mandarin? - What is happening in this episode? He speaks every language. He knows every body part. He knows every snake poison and rat toe. - So, when did this start? - Couple of weeks ago. I didn't wanna get pregnant. Jake's not into rubbers,
so I got on the jelly. - You have an infection. I'm gonna need a sample. - I brought the jar. - Wait, she is literally putting jelly? - Okay, we have a
neurological problem here. - There's something wrong with my brain? - Oh yeah, okay, I'm gonna
give you some antibiotics. You probably shouldn't
have sex for a while. - How long? - On an evolutionary basis,
I'd recommend forever. - So mean. I think it goes without saying, but strawberry jelly is
not a birth control option. Never thought I'd say that on
this channel, but it's not. I ranked every medical drama. See where House MD falls on the list and, as always, stay happy and healthy. It's important, I said it. (Mikhail chuckles)
