>> WELCOME BACK TO FOX NEWS SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE FROM THE WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS DINNER WE ARE LOOKING AND THE ROOM LIVE AS WE SPEAK. FUN FACT. THIS BALLROOM HOSTED JIMI HENDRIX AND DORIS. TONIGHT PRESIDENT BIDEN TRYING TO BREAK ON THROUGH TO A SECOND TERM, A TERRIBLE JOKE BUT I MADE IT UP IN REAL-TIME, LIVE TV. WE ARE GOING TO CARRY THE PRESIDENT'S REMARKS LIVE AS WELL AS LIVE WE CAN UPDATE, HE WILL NOT TAKE ANY HEAT FOR ME. AS COMICS WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER. LATER ON I'LL BE INTERVIEWING TWO COMICS FROM THE DAILY SHOW. HOW IS THAT FOR CROSSING THE AISLE? AT THE END OF THE DAY WE ALL GO TO THE SAME THERAPIST AND HAVE THE SAME DRUG DEALERS ONLY WRITE WOULD CROSS POLLINATE IN THIS ENVIRONMENT. WHAT HAPPENED THAT D.C.? I GOT THE ULTIMATE TOUR GUIDE TO SHOW ME AROUND AT 1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE. CHECK THIS OUT. ♪♪ >> I'M STANDING OUTSIDE THE WHITE HOUSE WITH THE MAN YOU KNOW AT HOME WITH THE GUY BEST HERE ON FOX NEWS AROUND HERE IS REFERRED TO AS A STUPID -- DELETE BUT PETER DOOCY HAS INVITED REST. >> THANKS FOR COMING. >> THIS IS A REALLY BIG DEAL AS YOU KNOW FOR A GUY LIKE ME WHO HAS MORE OF A WAFFLE HOUSE VOCABULARY BUT YOU ARE HERE EVERYDAY. MY QUESTION FOR YOU IS A GUY WHO ASKED OCCASIONAL TOUGH QUESTIONS OF THIS ADMINISTRATION, DO THEY EVER YOU? YOU OUT HERE AND SPRINKLERS COME ON? >> THE SWEET SWEEPER. >> A DIRTY DRIVEWAY 7:05 A.M. AND IT'S ONLY ONE SPOT. THE ONE SPOT THE GUY IS BASICALLY DOING DOUGHNUTS. [LAUGHTER] >> YOU REALLY ARE AT THE PLACE. I PERSONALLY CAN'T IMAGINE COMING INTO THE SAME HOUSE AS ABRAHAM LINCOLN AND MONICA LEWINSKY BUT YOU DO THAT ALL THE TIME. AS A GETTING NORMAL? >> IT IS SOMETHING TO GET HERE A LOT OF TIMES FOR "FOX & FRIENDS" LOOK UP AND SEE WHETHER OR NOT HE'S AWAKE OR NOT. [LAUGHTER] >> THE ANSWER IS USUALLY NO. >> SOME MIGHT COME AROUND 730 OR EIGHT. >> DO YOU LIKE IT ON SOME LEVEL COVERING HIS PUBLIC APPEARANCE SCHEDULE TO THE GUY WHO COVERS THE GROUNDHOG? >> USUALLY. YES. [LAUGHTER] >> WAS HE MORE ACTIVE IN THE BEGINNING? THE MARK WE USED TO SEE HIM A LOT MORE AND GOING BACK TO THE CAMPAIGN THERE WOULD BE AT LEAST ONE DAY A WEEK THAT WOULD BRING HIM OUT TO TALK TO US. LESS ABOUT. >> SO YOU DON'T GET A LOT BUT WHEN YOU WORK GETTING, THERE WAS THE INFAMOUS OF WORK FOR TO EARLIER. >> A STUPID SON OF A LEAP. >> A HAS TO BE FUNNY. >> I HAVE A CHOICE ASK. >> HE HAS CONTROL OF THE ENTIRE DRONE FLEET. [LAUGHTER] >> IS NOT A LOT OF PUSHBACK ABOUT. HOW IS A DAY-TO-DAY RELATIONSHIP OF THE WHITE HOUSE? SCROLLING THE GROUND ENDLESSLY, AM I ABOUT TO GET SANCTIFIED TAKE A STEP BACKWARDS? FOR LONG. >> WE CAN WALK AROUND CARE BUT IT'S LIMITED LIKE THIS WOULD BE THE PRESS ROOM AND THESE ARE OFFICES AND WE ARE HOLDING OUT A LITTLE BIT THERE, THAT'S THE MEN'S ROOM. >> THANKS FOR COMING, THAT IS EVERYONE. >> DOES THAT AFFECT YOUR FIVE? >> HOW PEACEFUL WERE YOU HERE THE FIRST DAY? >> YOU GO THROUGH AIRPORT SECURITY TWICE? >> I NOTICED WHEN I WALKED IN, I DO IT LIKE A PRO BUT SOME OF MY PRODUCERS WERE SPOOKED. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PEOPLE COME AS GUESS? >> NOT SINCE THEY GET RID OF COMMANDER BIDEN. [LAUGHTER] >> YOUR CLAIM TO FAME, THE ONLY GUY NOT BIT BY IT. >> WHAT DO PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW ABOUT WORKING HERE? IS THERE SOMETHING PACIFIC TO THE ENERGY? SCHEDULE LIKE SOMETHING HAPPENS EVERYDAY AT 10:00? >> WE TRY TO GET A HOLD OF THE PRESIDENT, THEY DON'T LIKE IT IF YOU THROW PEBBLES. [LAUGHTER] IT'S A HOLDING. >> BACK TO THAT RED DOT AGAIN, THAT'S AMAZING. THE IDEA THAT TO HIS CREDIT, BIDEN IS OUT THERE CAMPAIGNING SO I WOULD LIKE TO THINK BECAUSE THERE WAS A RECENT OP-ED FROM THE NEW YORK TIMES SAYING WE WANT ACCESS, AT LIKE TO SEE AMERICAN PEOPLE COMING THEIR WAY IN THE NEAR FUTURE. >> I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD THING. >> OUR STORE IS MAXIMUM STRENGTH. DOOCY HERE, I KNOW YOU'VE HEARD OF THE DEBATE, THERE A LOT OF MALAYSIAN FANS AND HE DESERVES OUR CONSIDERATION BECAUSE HE PLAYS ME ELEMENTS. HE HASN'T SEEN THEM BUT WHAT YOU MAKE OF? WHO SAY YOUR HAIR IS FABULOUS BUT YOU PLAY IN ADULT BECAUSE YOU ARE INSIDE THE BUILDING? >> WE ARE NOT RECORDING, RIGHT? >> NO. >> IT'S FAKE. [LAUGHTER] >> IS PETER DOOCY IN ALL WEATHER WATERMARK? >> IT HASN'T MOVED SINCE LIKE HALLOWEEN. [LAUGHTER] >> OF 1990. [LAUGHTER] >> I WAS ZACH MORRIS FOR HALLOWEEN ONCE AND IT HASN'T MOVED. >> ZACH MORRIS WAS YOU FOR HALLOWEEN. A HARDER DEAL. >> WE WILL ALWAYS HAVE THIS AND I OWE YOU BIG. THE GREAT PETER DOOCY. THERE HE GOES. THAT WAS AWESOME. >> TELL HIM HE COULD COME. THANK YOU. SAY HELLO TO MARIA AND THE KIDS. >> I WAS SERIOUSLY ONE OF THE COOLEST THINGS I'VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE AND I WILL SHOW YOU MORE FROM THE WHITE HOUSE TRIP ALL NIGHT LONG BUT PRODUCTIVE TELL YOU WANT TO WALK INTO THE WHITE HOUSE HAS JIMMY FAILLA. THE WHITE HOUSE. I MORE LIKE WHITE CASTLE. THE WHITE HOUSE MUST SOMETHING YOU'VE NEVER FOUND IN THE MINUTE I GOT THERE, IT'S SO REGAL AND YOU'VE GOT SECURITY, SECRET SERVICE, THE OTHER NEWS NETWORKS GIVING THE FINGER BUT I BELIEVE EVERYONE WHO GETS IN THE PRESIDENT, I LIKE TO BE PRESIDENT SOMEDAY. EXCEPT AS A BACKGROUND CHECK SO JIMMY FAILLA 2024 WILL PROBABLY NOT HAPPEN. ALTHOUGH I MIGHT BE .2024 BY THE END OF THE NIGHT TONIGHT BUT I THINK WE ARE STICKING TO CABLE NEWS MY OVERWEIGHT YOUR SKATER COLLECTION FORESEEABLE FUTURE. IT WAS INCREDIBLE DAKOTA, A HUMBLING EXPERIENCE AND IT'S ONE OF THOSE RESET MOMENTS, I DON'T MEAN TO GET SCHMALTZY BECAUSE EVERYBODY HERE IS IN THE BACK, I'M NOT KIDDING. I HELD HAIR DURING A COMMERCIAL BREAK BUT NICE TO SEE ANDREW MITCHELL AGAIN. I KID. THE PRESIDENCY AND THE WHITE HOUSE ITSELF IS A REMINDER THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE A COLLECTIVE INTEREST AND INVESTMENT IN THE BETTERMENT OF THIS COUNTRY SO AS A COMIC WHO DOESN'T TAKE HIMSELF SERIOUSLY, I DO SEE OPPORTUNITY IN THIS MOMENT AS COMICS TO KIND OF LIGHTEN THE MOOD SO AS THE SHOW PROGRESSES, HE WILL SEE CELEBRITIES YOU MIGHT NOT EXPECT TO FIND ON A REGULAR FOX NEWS BROADCAST I BROUGHT ON RIVAL NETWORKS, SOME ARE RAPPERS LIKE THINGS YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T KNOW WOULD BE HERE BUT SHOULD BE BECAUSE OF THE IT OF THE DAY WHAT MAKES AMERICA WORK IS TOP 40. REMEMBER TOP 40 WHEN YOU HEARD FROM THE MC AT NUMBER ONE? MODERNA SOMEHOW AT NUMBER TWO? EROS THAT AT NUMBER THREE, CROSS-POLLINATION. THIS IS A LONG WINDED WAY, SAYING THERE'S BENEFIT TO AMERICA HAVING AN OPEN DOOR EVERY NIGHT. PLEASE GET BACK SOME THOUGHT. MEANWHILE AT THE DINNER I CAUGHT UP WITH HILLARY BOND AND DOOCY CLAN ON THE RED CARPET. CHECK OUT. >> WILL CRACKDOWN ON THE RED CARPET THE FIRST FAMILY OF FOX NEWS. I'M TALKING ABOUT THE DOOCY. ALLISON, YOU'VE PROBABLY HEARD ME SAY I CONSIDER MYSELF AND MY SON THE WHITE TRASH, THAT'S WHAT WE ARE. LOWER IQ COVER BUT I WANT TO KNOW FROM THE FOX NEWS ROYALTY THAT YOU ARE IS I GET THIS ASSIGNMENT BECAUSE I AM CABDRIVER WHO CAN BE SOMEONE'S DESIGNATED DRIVER AT THE END OF THE NIGHT. >> TWO STOPS. >> THIS WAS NOT THE DEAL. I JUST SAID JIMMY WILL BE OUTSIDE IN A YELLOW CROWN VICTORIA. YOU ARE AT THIS EVENT LAST YEAR. I REMEMBER THAT. AS YOU KNOW, THE MOST DANGEROUS PLACE TO BE INSIDE THE BIG ROOM DURING THE BALLROOM, THE PRESIDENT EACH, SITTING NEXT TO PETER DOOCY BECAUSE ANYTIME IS A FOX JOKE OR PETER DOOCY, THE CUTAWAY TO PETER AND HILLARY AND SOMETIMES THEY ACCIDENTALLY THINK IT'S ME AND THINK I'M PETER, JUST MUCH OLDER. IT'S LIKE DEREK GOING TO FENWAY PARK, HOW DOES IT SIT? >> HALF OF THOSE ARE FROM MY CREW. >> OF SOMEBODY TO, I WILL. >> HE'S GOT THOSE KIND OF SKILLS. YOU LOOK LIKE A MILLION BUCKS. ARE YOU FIRED UP FOR THE NERD PROMPT? >> I AM FIRED UP TO BE HERE, IT TOOK A WHOLE SQUAD TO GET ME BUT THIS IS THE FIRST NIGHT OUR DAUGHTER IS GOING TO GET TIME FROM SOMEONE ELSE, IT'S A BIG NIGHT FOR ME. IT'S MY FIRST NIGHT. >> THE ONE THING PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE, NOTHING CRAZIER THAN A MOM WITH A SITTER BECAUSE YOU DON'T GET TO GO OUT A LOT. I TELL HER, YOUR SINGLE ONLY FRIENDS ARE BORING AT THE BAR. A MOM, EVERYBODY IS GOING HOME WITH A FACE TATTOO. THE PROBLEM IS THE REGULAR SITTER IS BUSY SO WE FOUND SOMEBODY ON CRAIGSLIST AND IT'S GOING TO WORK OUT GREAT A LIFEGUARD SO GREAT A BATHROOM, I THOUGHT WAS A GREAT QUALIFICATION. >> WE KNOW A LIFEGUARD.
