Do you love yourself? | #WHATtheMEL Episode 8

it was the first time i'd ever walked on a stage where i actually felt like myself what up everybody i have to share this with you what was the question five four three two one i gotta stop and get some cheap chicken for the dogs he's got diarrhea just because we're virtual doesn't mean it can't be amazing whoa [Music] hey how are you it's your friend mel robbins welcome to what the mail our first question is super important it comes from vincent and uh this is the question he submitted how do you love yourself words gifs you can't give yourself affection well yeah you can you remember that thing we used to do as kids where you'd go um actually you can give yourself affection i think you know how i have this habit i have this habit of always high-fiving myself in the mirror i send myself into the day go get a mel that's a form of affection you can show yourself love through words and through gifts and through actions because love is a verb and that's the most important thing to think about when you think about practicing self-love and developing habits around self-love so love is a verb what are the actions and habits and thoughts that you would have when you think about how you treat or speak to somebody you love self love is about giving yourself all the things that you freely give to the people that you love and what's so awesome is that when you learn and start practicing how to love yourself it expands your capacity to love other people more deeply because you can't give other people something that you don't give to yourself and i know you're like whoa i love other people but you don't truly love other people if you can't love yourself because there's a part of you that doesn't feel worthy and so you got to practice this stuff and it's everything here are some ways that i practice first of all if someone you loved were struggling what would you recommend they do in terms of how they take care of themselves first of all you got to get a good night's sleep that's a form of self-love put good food in your body that's a form of self-love take time for yourself every day that's a form of self-love moving your body and exercising that's a form of self-love the biggest form of self-love for me is not criticizing myself so when i catch myself criticizing myself trashing myself beating myself up i kick that noise and garbage out of my head and i replace it with something that i would say to somebody that i love instead of focusing on the things that are going wrong i kick that thought out of my mind and i focus on the things that are going right another form of self-love for me is i'm constantly soothing and reassuring myself mel hey i know it's challenging right now but this is preparing you for something mel i know you're nervous but um you got this you can face this and notice i'm using my name mel study after study has come out that when you talk to yourself and use your own name it has a much deeper impact on you you have the experience of almost having someone else be saying it it lands deeper and it's also through gifts i also give myself the gift of buying flowers every time i go to the grocery store i started doing that a few years ago i love flowers i was always waiting for somebody else to give them to me and it dawned on me why the hell don't i just buy it for myself and so i do and you'd be surprised three four five bucks you can always find a small little bouquet at a grocery store stick it on your desk it's a reminder that you love yourself remember love is a verb just treat yourself how you would treat somebody that you love and practice it and you'll get better and better at it awesome question all right the next question we got is from joyce i love this question she wants to know the story behind my sparkly sneakers this is a great story about a bunch of topics it's a story about confidence it's a story about being comfortable in your own skin it's a story about being yourself no matter where you are or what you're doing and it's a story about the power of your unique self-expression and your unique self-expression comes out and is amplified when you feel comfortable in your own skin i got into the speaking business gosh six or seven years ago i had a tedx talk that went crazy viral that's what started the speaking business and when i first got into the speaking business i was really intimidated because i was new to it and i wanted to do a very good job and i wanted to fit in so i looked around at what all the top people in the industry of motivational speaking and speaking on the corporate circuit we're doing and i noticed that all the women were dressed in heels wearing pencil skirts or beautiful dresses the kind of thing that you might see a news anchor wearing like a nice dress heels so i just wore what everybody else was wearing didn't even occur to me to wear something else because here i am trying to break into a new industry so i look at everybody at the top i copy what they're doing and i am not comfortable in high heels yes if my husband chris and i are going out on date night i can rock them like the best of them but walking through a convention center in them standing on a stage for an hour and a pair of heels while you're trying to hold in your stomach because you're being broadcast on a big screen and you're wearing a dress like it was the least comfortable outfit i could possibly wear very self-conscious in it i'm not that graceful in a pair of heels so i sort of like poop on a stage but that's what i did for the first couple years so i was in miami this must have been probably five years ago i was in miami and i just gotten off stage take off the heels take off the dress put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt i got like an hour to kill before i have to leave for the airport i'm gonna fly to vegas because i've got a speech in vegas the next morning so i'm walking uh down collins ave in south beach in miami and i walk past this store unfortunately it's not there anymore i loved this store and there in the window were the most amazing high-top sneakers i had ever seen in my entire life i was like a moth to the flame let me show you these bad boys because these are the originals this right here notice the gold shimmery sparkle and the confident blaze orange i didn't own anything like this i'd never seen anything like this i immediately thought whoa this i bet is what like a justin bieber kind of wears i mean these are insanely cool i went inside and they were pretty expensive i'd never spent that kind of my i wasn't a sneaker head yet but i thought hey i i i spend that kind of money on a pair of nice heels so why not treat myself to a pair of sneakers okay so i get back to the hotel i pack up i hop the flight i get to vegas now i wake up the next morning and i have a tech check which is where you rehearse the speech and go through like all the technology rehearsals before the event's starting my tech check is at 7 30 the doors to the event open at 8 and i'm on stage at 8 30. and i had a red dress my heels or so i thought so i crack open that's what i was planning on wearing i crack open the suitcase there are no heels i have left the heels in the hotel room back in miami all i have are the birkenstocks that i wore on the plane and i wore out in vegas last night and my new justin bieber high top sneakers and i have exactly 15 minutes to get to the tech rehearsal and nothing else is open so birkenstocks justin bieber i think we'll go with the justin bieber sparkly high tops i slapped those puppies on i walked from my hotel room all the way through the casino floor past all the restaurants and the shops to the convention center which you know is like a two mile walk i was so happy to be not only in my red dress but more importantly in my justin bieber sneakers because it was super comfortable to walk there that way i get to the backstage area and for the first time in two years something happened and let me tell you what happened one of the guys that was on the production crew turned and goes ah cool sneakers that was like the first time somebody in production had really acknowledged me for something other than the job in two years so i was like huh and as i started walking toward the backstage area every bit i passed cool kicks oh those are cool well those are cool and i'm like this is wild nobody's ever complimented on my like this is people are and so i did the tech rehearsal and then this was the moment of truth when i walked out onto that stage it was at the mgm arena and uh there were like 5 000 real estate agents in the audience i was there to deliver a speech for re max it was the first time i'd ever walked on a stage where i actually felt like myself it was also the first time that i felt the audience kind of lean forward and go oh she seems kind of cool but when you walk onto a stage and heals in a dress you're like the authority and you're on a stage and you're talking at people there's something about walking onto a stage or walking through life and having something fun that you're wearing that makes you relatable and interesting and real and from that moment forward i have never not worn sparkly speakers for work i wore them every day on my daytime talk show i'm embarrassed to tell you that i probably have 20 pairs of these i love this is my favorite these are my favorite well i like these are my favorite because these are the originals but i would say these are my second favorite because i like the low top and i love the blue i love these um which have a big silver kind of thing these are super comfortable and i've got a bunch of these and these did not even come with sparkles so i literally bought swivarsky crystals or whatever the hell they're called and got a glue gun out and put them on myself if you're looking for sparkly sneakers there's all kinds of them out there these days it's the coolest thing in the world but dazzled me sneakers are a thing whether you go to dsw or nordstroms or zappos or anywhere you can find them and so the moral of the story the secret to confidence is being comfortable in your own skin and the secret to being relatable and likable is being yourself and being comfortable in your own skin and so whatever it is that gives you a little flair whether it's a little pin on your jacket or a little flower in your pocket or sparkles on your sneakers or cool specs you gotta like you gotta you gotta find the confidence to bring that to the way that you go through life because there's something unique about you and when you settle into what is really an expression for you you feel comfortable in your own skin and that's the greatest feeling in the world all right what is our next question oh sandra wants to know she's asking about my diet and exercise routine in my incredible year course which we did in january you're so fit in just your sports bra did i actually wear a sports bra while teaching a class was that a thing jesus smell that is like maybe i just posted a video about something i don't know then i happened to be in a sports bra what do you do to look so good i want to know your secrets well it's funny that you're asking me about this right now because i had surgery for 26 days ago so i have not exercised in 26 days and i'm so happy because i hate exercising so it has been wonderful to have a surgery to be able to blame my uh procrastination and lack of desire for exercising on so first of all i'm 52 years old everybody and i have never looked better i've never been healthier and so age is just a number it doesn't matter how unhealthy you've been or how many times you've gone up or down or you've been in a good routine or not in a good routine what's so cool about your mind and your body is that it is um adapt like it's it's you can change it and all of the science shows that your mind is like a living network and you can plow new neural pathways in your brain and so you can change your attitude about things and you absolutely can change your body so couple things about secrets for me number one i think the uh best secret to having a healthy life is being a happy person so my attitude about life my gratitude my optimism my positive nature that is a huge factor for why i'm such a healthy person in fact when i got my surgery at the beginning of march it was like a five hour surgery and my outcome was incredible and i healed super quickly the doctor said it is a thousand percent because of your attitude so the mind-body connection in terms of health is super important second thing my husband has a saying i'm sure he heard it somewhere else your abs are made in the kitchen your strength is made in the kitchen if you're putting your body it doesn't matter how much you work out at the gym seriously so take a look at what you're eating are the foods that you're eating something that are really working for you because you know what it feels like after you've exercised or after you've had a really clean healthy meal versus what it feels like after you've had a double at uh five guys and the large fries and the shake it feels great going down it feels like once it's in you and so i like to think about health the way i think about my car i would not put sand and gravel in my car's fuel tank and when you eat like crap you're putting sand and gravel in your own fuel tank and your body's got to process that stuff so clean eating super important and you know i'm kind of one of these people where i'm sort of like everything in moderation so i'm not gluten free i'm not dairy free i just sort of do um organic when we can locally sourced whenever we can and i always just have a salad i have a protein and i have a vegetable the other thing is uh exercise i do when i'm when i am healthy i do move my body every day whether it's a hour-long yoga class that i stream online or taking the dog for a walk outside i always try to move my body every day and i do that because i have a commitment to wanting to live a really long and healthy life and i think the final thing is is that the healthier and happier i am the more boring i am like i don't go out a lot i maybe it's because i'm never invited anywhere but you know i i don't i don't go out a lot i don't go to parties a lot i um i love my life i'm sort of a homebody i love getting a good night's sleep the main thing though is happiness and it's making a decision to be healthy with your habits that's what it takes a commitment to yourself we started this episode by talking about self-love i think one of the ways that you show that you love yourself is by making healthy choices because change doesn't happen by chance you're not going to get healthy as a side effect of something you're going gonna get healthy and you're gonna change because you choose to and yeah it is gonna require you to create new habits and have a little bit of discipline and maybe not down a pine ben and jerry's while you're sitting in front of the tv but what's on the other side of that is waking up every day and feeling good in your body and feeling proud of yourself and having the energy and the vibrancy in your body that carries you through a vibrant and energetic life i hope that helps all right uh as you know you can ask questions anytime to what the mel melrobbins.com and uh we program this based on the questions that you ask us so please send us some selfie videos with your questions send us your questions in the email we lo i love hearing from you and in case nobody else tells you i love you i believe in you and your ability to change your life for the better [Music] hey it's mel thank you so much for being here if you enjoyed that video bye god please subscribe because i don't want you to miss a thing thank you so much for being here we've got so much amazing stuff coming thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family i love you we create these videos for you so make sure you subscribe

Channel: Mel Robbins

Views: 105,358

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Id: DhSYC5Z0Ou0

Length: 17min 52sec (1072 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 08 2021