"DO THIS To Achieve ANY GOAL In Life TODAY!" | Rich Roll & Lewis Howes

it's not about quitting your job you don't even have to take a risk like if you have this dream that you've been harboring for a decade but you haven't done anything about it i think you gotta have a dream the school of greatness really yeah please welcome a lot of people know your story about how you became overweight you couldn't walk up the stairs without having to catch your breath you were eating junk food all the time and you you made a decision to change your life and really go down this path of veganism eating more mindfully training like a machine for ultra marathons things like that we've interviewed a lot of the same people or people in the same space i'm curious what do you think is the reason why most people give up on their goals or will never achieve their goals because you were at a point where things got bad and you made a decision to shift and create goals and then stuck to them over decades why do you think most people create a goal and then they can't achieve them i think the answer to that is complicated you know i can say just based on my own experience that achieving a goal is a lot easier when you're in a lot of pain and and the yes um and the pain that you're in uh exceeds the fear of the unknown you know what i mean like you're in so much pain that you're willing to almost do anything to get out of it and that's where you were at that's when you know you're in a great place to change so i always say to people that are going through a hard time like try to view it as an opportunity like what is the lesson that you're here to learn that you're meant to be learning right now and try to leverage the potential energy that's packed into that pain to you know transform yourself ironically you know change is always available to all of us in every moment right we don't have to be in pain in order to change it's just that it's difficult it's a lot harder to do it that way in terms of people setting goals and being unable to achieve them you know i think that's a function of a couple things i mean first of all have you set the right goal for yourself like if if that goal isn't getting you excited then perhaps it's not as aligned with your innate values as you might have suspected that it was so i think a lot of people set goals without having done enough interior work to really understand themselves to you know appreciate what might be the right goal for them to set um so i think right that's one thing so if it's not the right goal it's probably going to be impossible to achieve it because your life is not designed to achieve that that's not what you're meant for it's not what you're meant for and and perhaps it's just not you know there's something inside of you that maybe you're not even aware of that is misaligned with that like if somebody comes to me and says i want to do an iron man or i want to run a marathon like we were talking before the podcast or you want to run a marathon usually my first question to people like that is why like what is it what is it that you're trying to learn how is that process going to lead to your growth like if they can answer that question and there's clarity around why this is important and what this will ultimately you know do in terms of you know moving their life path forward then that's great but if they're like it sounds cool or like it just i just woke up one day and decided then you know is that really a goal that's going to have staying power because that morning's going to arrive when it's cold and rainy out you're not going to go and you know the calendar says you got to do this today and you're not going to want to do it and that's where goals you know the rubber meets the road in terms of whether you're actually going to follow through on this commitment that you made to yourself or you're gonna you know flake and look for the escape patch yeah the out i'll just sleep in this morning i'll do it tomorrow i'll do it later whatever it may be okay so there's that's the first thing you said the first part why people don't achieve goals was there another part another reason um they don't have the right goal in mind aligned with their values yeah i think that uh that um achieving goals is hard you know it's like just a joke the truth is like a lot of people don't appreciate the fact that doing anything exceptional requires a lot of work right and it requires that anonymous work that you do when no one's looking that doesn't you know trend on instagram or twitter and and you know when the going gets tough and you're conflicted over what it is that you're gonna do on that day it's easy to cave in and so there's a level of like conviction and commitment to self that's required that i think you develop over time with some level of resilience and you know the persistence that comes with that but if you don't appreciate that doing something hard is going to test you and is going to compel you to get out of your comfort zone then you're going to struggle yeah i really believe that people who are living a good life have the biggest challenge because things are already going good enough like everything is okay it's good you're not uh required to make enough effort to get to the next level right and it's almost like we need something horrible to be happening or something really struggling we might be doing well in our finances but 300 pounds overweight and sick and feeling bad in order for us to finally say wait a minute i need to change this one thing i talk about this a lot on the show that i feel like i wish we could learn a way to improve our life when things are okay or when things are a little less than okay but in most of time it takes something drastic a near-death experience for ourself an injury a sickness someone dying close to us a bankruptcy a divorce a a heartache and a breakup why do you think it's so hard for us to change and improve our life when things are good or a little less than good well i think that that we delude ourselves into thinking when things are good we delude ourselves into thinking they're always going to be good and we also delude ourselves into believing that our lives are static in that regard and the truth is is that everything is always in flux that flux may be imperceptible in the moment but in truth and i say this all the time every thought that you entertain every word that comes out of your mouth every interaction that you have with another human being every reaction that you have to whatever stimulus is coming your way is either moving you forward in your life towards your aspirations or some level of self-actualization or you're regressing back to some former less evolved version of yourself and the more you can kind of be present with that and appreciate that truth then you realize that that as good as your life may be there's always growth to be had and all of us no matter who you are have blind spots you may think you're doing great in all these areas but you need people in your life who are giving you feedback saying yeah i know you think that you're rocking it out over here but you know you're kind of off base on this other thing like i think we all need you know a council of elders or a board of advisors who are willing to be honest with us to say look you're not seeing this over here you need to redirect and then you're able to make those adjustments without having to uh reap the consequences of some prices because you're kind of you know jagging jigging and jagging you know along the way and course correcting as you go as opposed to hitting a wall and then going holy like i thought i was good and now only now do i realize that you know i've been doing all these things all along that led to this point we're our own worst enemies when it comes to objectively assessing where we're at ourselves yeah of course we should be asking our friends and family and peers all the time hey where do you think i can improve what am i doing really well that i can do better at what are the things i'm not doing well that i should be doing better yeah but a lot of us don't want to ask this question we don't want the truth who is it richard feinman i think it was it said something like our job is to be something like i'm going to completely butcher this but it's something like our job is to be honest with ourselves but we're the ones that are most easily deluded by ourselves you know what i mean like that's why you need those outside sources to provide you with that feedback and that's why when you look at somebody we've both interviewed that we're friends with jesse itzler that's why i have so much respect for somebody like that whose life was going really well and he's like it's too good you know like i need to bring david goggins into my life to mix things up but i need to go you know to this monastery and sit with these monks for a while because he realized that his life was just cruising along and that unless he created interruptions for himself that he would just live that way in ease and comfort you know for as long as the universe would allow him very few people do that right when it takes an extraordinary person to do that when you're making all the money in the world when everything you touch turns to gold when you've got the family the the kids the the relationship it's like i've got good friends it's hard to say i'm going to push myself harder i'm going to step up and and try to transform myself even more because some people might say why work that hard to do that for yourself just enjoy your life relax like you don't need to do all these crazy things to transform but the truth is and anybody who's you know done hard things in their life knows this that you feel most alive when you have the courage to step outside of your comfort zone and test yourself and put yourself in an uncomfortable situation where you're going to have to rise to the occasion those heightened moments are when you feel most fulfilled most purposeful and most you know kind of uh connected to yourself and i think jesse understood that as somebody who had you know done ultramarathons before he knew how he felt when he was you know endeavoring to do something that perhaps he thought not possible and i think you know when you live this all our culture our culture is set up with this programming that we're all meant to aspire to that level of ease and comfort and luxury but what's missing is the fact that what actually provides the sense of satisfaction and fulfillment is getting outside of that and testing yourself and i think for a lot of people they don't understand that until they you know get a taste of what you know jesse experienced which is look i got all this stuff but but i'm not content or as fulfilled as i would like to be and i need to step outside of that in order to reconnect with that thing that fundamentally you know is is part of being human yeah and i think you could have all the outer fulfillment in the world but you're still aligned yourself until you create inner fulfillment and that usually comes through mastery of some type of practice or overcoming something challenging on a consistent basis where you say okay i'm building confidence because i did something as hard it was hard for me to learn hard for me to overcome i think the more things we learn how to overcome on a consistent basis the happier we become yeah to be sure i mean and it it you know to kind of underscore your point it's not about external validation it's about your relationship to yourself yes you know and you know when your head hits the pillow at night and when you wake up in the morning what that relationship looks like and if that's missing something and perhaps that's a little nudge or a call to action that you need to change things up a little bit so when did this moment was this about 20 years ago when you transfer started to transform your your food your nutrition training 14 years ago 14 years ago how does someone because a lot of people go through these you know especially this year losing a job a breakup a relationship a health scare or whatever it may be losing a friend or a parent is happening a lot right now unfortunately for people and then people decide to take action and say okay i'm going to change my life and i'm going to take action i'm going to commit to this and have these new goals i'm going to go after it i'm going to let go of sugar and be vegan whatever it is how does someone sustain it for 14 years and beyond because sometimes they'll do that for two years and then fall back into the old patterns how do we stay consistent in growing the way you did because you used to drink a lot of alcohol you used to eat horrible not trained all these things and you've been consistent 14 years yeah i think i think the key is that as important as it is to set big goals that scare you and hold this lofty aspiration for a better version of who you are those are like north stars to help guide your you know your direction but once you kind of set those at least what i've done is i just lodge them in the back of my mind and then it's really just about what's happening in the moment again it goes back to the present when i got sober the idea that i was never going to drink alcohol again are you kidding me like i have to go to a bachelor party in six months and then i've got this thing in vegas and then i have to go to you know it's like how am i going to get through those things without drinking right it's completely overwhelming and i think when people set a goal they start future tripping on that kind of stuff and then it seems overwhelming and ultimately that leads to abandoning it so what you have to do is you have to chunk it you have to break it down into bite-sized chunks and say i know i'm going to that bachelor party in six months but i just today i just have to not drink that's all i have to worry about or today i just need to you know make sure that i don't you know end up face planting in haagen-dazs before i go to bed like me that's the only thing that you that's your job like in terms of moving yeah it's like what are you doing right now what's the next right choice that you're making and when you break it down into its smallest components then it becomes digestible so it's about putting distance between yourself and whatever that imagined future might be because it hasn't happened yet and shouldn't take up any mental energy and just focusing on what you're doing right now we were talking about the back to the marathon before the podcast we're talking about how you you want to do this marathon and it's how overwhelming because it's it's longer than you've ever run before and i'm like just worry you can do it it's just about one day at a time preparation one day at a time today i'm running eight miles that's all i got to worry about you know what i mean and i think when you begin to master these small tasks and you're just eating away very very gradually at these goals you know over time they become they become less intimidating and much more doable and i think along the way as you master these tasks they become rote so then they don't expend a lot of mental energy you're like oh this is just what i do so your actions start to align with a value system and i think when your actions align with your values then it's less about achieving a goal and more about just acclimating your lifestyle around these various actions and principles they just become who you are and the goal is achieved not because you're working hard towards it but because it just becomes the person that you are part of your identity yeah like this i am this thing i am a sober individual i'm somebody who's i'm somebody who runs i'm somebody who doesn't need animal products i'm somebody who doesn't drink yeah there's no exceptions you just are that right i think a lot of people don't decide to create new identities is it important that we should be thinking of a new identity all the time or just getting clear on the values we want to live by and then become that identity yeah the latter i mean i don't i don't think about like oh this is these are my you know these i don't think about i'm i'm trying to become this other person i just spend time thinking about what's important to me and how can i align my actions with that set of principles right that's all that it requires and i think in furtherance of that point people tend to wildly overestimate what they can achieve in a year and wildly underestimate what they can achieve in a decade you know i'm much older than you i'm 54. i've been you know trying to iterate on myself for many many years and you know if you google me there's a narrative that makes it look like i snapped my fingers and all these things happened overnight but in truth like you know my personal growth trajectory started when i was 31 and i found myself in a treatment center as a hopeless alcoholic and then it was another 10 years before i figured out i had all these blind spots around other habits that were leading me astray and had to address those and it's just been one step at a time of you know moving forward i mean i remember as i was driving over here i had this vivid memory of coming to your apartment the first time i met you and i was going to be on your podcast and you were going to be on mine you had like no it had to be like seven years ago it was like because we started right around the same time yeah you started a few months before me um yeah and no furniture in your apartment nothing and you had this mic and i was like you need a better mic and like we we both were trying to figure out this podcast thing yeah how do we get people to figure out what the download button is yeah and and if i was to tell you then you're going to have these millions of people that that care deeply about what you do and that you were going to be in this beautiful studio doing this thing like you would have been like there's no way and how did you achieve that just like you just another episode like one more guess like who am i interviewing today you know you just stay in the process the more that you can divorce your emotional attachment to outcomes and future you know destinations and just concentrate on doing the best job with what you've got right in front of you and fall in love with the process and that process being an expression of that value system and what you care about that's where you're in a position to actually succeed and then you wake up 10 years later and you're like holy i'm in this fancy studio how did that happen right and the outcomes don't matter as much anymore you have the goal but you're so you're enjoying the process so much thought about that the little wins are so exciting you just love your life and when you love your life and you're happier and you're more appreciative and grateful you're gonna start attracting more of those good things in your life right right the opportunities you know come to you yeah they start chasing you you don't chase them exactly because suddenly you're carrying a residence that's attractive and people want to be around that and so you're acting more like a tractor beam rather than running around expending your energy trying to get people interested in what you're doing because you're focused on doing something exceptional that is that's an authentic expression of who you are and ultimately that becomes attractive to the world around you yeah you mentioned in the last time we had john that one of the biggest challenges you have is you have too many opportunities now and you're recovering people pleaser and you say yes to a lot of things that then pull you away from your current projects and mission that you have how have you been in the last year and a half since then i mean i still i still struggle with that you know i'm still a hopeless people pretty good do you like me louis yeah yeah was this okay yeah right you know it's funny when the when the pandemic started i thought i'm also like naturally introverted so i thought this will be awesome like i think you're like my world i have an excuse to like not you know follow through on any of these all these commitments that i made to other people to get involved in their stuff because i can't travel and i can't do it so now i can just do my thing you know and and i don't have to you know say yes yesterday i can say no to a bunch of stuff over time i figured out that i was much more of a social creature than i suspected because like everybody i need that human connection as well i would say that i've gotten a lot better but out of necessity just because you know when you're focused on your thing there just isn't as much room as you would like to get involved in other people's stuff yeah but it's still difficult for me like i you know somebody will call me and be like i'm doing this thing and my instinct is always like yeah let me help you i want to do this i want to do that and it becomes hard so you have to be it's back to your values like what is what's your core what is your core i hate the word mission but like you know what is it that you're actually doing um what's a distraction and what's a value add and you know sometimes it's easy to distinguish those things and but sometimes it's not would you say you have a very addictive personality yeah i'm like recovering i spent 100 days in the treatment center for addiction so yes i'm a highly highly addictive personality how does someone use their addictive personality in their favor for good because you've changed it to be more in your favor for good but still have you know this i know it's not consuming you but it's like this people-pleasing mentality same as me which is kind of addictive thing didn't want to break how do people break that for all the bad things in their life and use it for all good things well first let me say on the subject of addiction like i'm i'm a recovering alcoholic i've been you know in recovery for a very long time um 12 steps saved my life like the most important thing to me is like staying sober helping another alcoholic achieve sobriety that being said i think addiction lives on a spectrum like i'm perhaps at one more extreme end of that but you know for every you know junkie that can't pull the needle out of their arm there's millions of people that can't put the phone down or find themselves repeatedly in unhealthy relationships or unable to stay out of the casino or whatever it is like maybe they just can't stop eating chocolate like i think we all have a variety of addictive tendencies no matter who you are even if you're grounded and healthy that being said figuring out how to first of all like figuring out how to quell the negative impacts of that is important and you know i've learned many tools over the years from surrender to service and and at the same time being gentle with yourself and saying okay this is my disposition and like i can't always be fighting it but how can i channel it into something productive for myself so whether you know i'm working on a book or i'm building my podcast or whatever other creative pursuit it is i've been successful because i know how to like focus on something and blot out the world and like go all in on it perhaps that is at times unhealthy but i think it's okay as long as you acknowledge that and understand that that pendulum has to swing back to center right like if you look at the buckets of your life like what's most important like i have i have my recovery i have my family i have my career i have my friends whatever those buckets may be in your life i think it's okay to be to be you know really focused on one at a time the idea that you're going to give all those buckets the equal amount of attention on a daily basis is unrealistic it's really hard yeah which is why i have like strong opinions about this idea of balance um but you have to make sure that you don't become so immersed or obsessive or compulsive about this one thing that you can pull yourself out of it and have the conscious awareness to say okay it's time for me to now reinvest that energy in one of these other buckets or how can i apportion my energy and my time so that i'm making sure that the things that are important in my life are are being tended to and attended to yeah what's the biggest addiction that's holding you back still biggest challenge um you know people pleasing is a big one perfectionism is a big one it you know i end up being a bottleneck in a lot of stuff this is a conversation we've got a million times going back to like day one i still fight this battle i'm better though that's good what do you think it is why do you think people uh live in perfectionism why is that a thing for so many it's a control it's a control mechanism and i think it's also about external validation like this has to be perfect or i won't be loved or if this isn't perfect then people are going to think differently of me than i want them to think so i think a lot of it is based on on trying to control uh external perceptions of you and that's rooted in in self-esteem right like if you're if you're if your self-esteem is fragile then you're going to want to make sure that every step that you make is absolutely perfect so you're not giving anyone an excuse to not accept you yeah how do we overcome that you think because there's so many people that'll say that they have this they don't create a lot you know this a lot i mean a lot of people don't put out their dreams i asked someone on a on a training that i did a month ago i asked my group i said how many of you had a goal or a dream for the last year and you haven't taken action on it a lot of people virtually raised their hand i said how many of you have had that same dream for five years a lot of people kept their hand up how many of you had this dream for 10 years and you haven't done it but it keeps ruminating in your mind that you want to do it and a lot of people still keep their hand up for 10 years plus and i go that's like the need for it to be perfect is what i'm hearing from a lot of people is what holds them back from putting it out there or the fear of judgment the fear of failure uh the opinions of other people but why are we so afraid well i think it's that's going to vary depending on upon the individual i mean there's a the that what you're alluding to that sense of perfectionism leads to analysis paralysis right like you're just not going to put anything out into the world unless it's perfect so of course you never end up doing anything right because it's nothing you're never going to live up to your own imagined you know standard that you've set for yourself and that fear i think is what holds a huge amount of people back but it's more complicated than that at the same time i think there are a lot of people who for whatever psychological emotional reasons are just terrified of stepping out of you know whatever routine they've created for themselves and maybe that's a result of the way that they were parented or some trauma that they experienced you know if you're somebody who grew up poor and now you're in a job that pays the bills and you have this dream but that dream involves you know taking risk including financial risk then that person's going to have a little bit more trepidation than maybe somebody else and i think it's that not knowing that creates an additional paralysis on top of that but if we knew what would happen it wouldn't be a spawn you know i mean if we knew what the end result would be but everybody has their has a different relationship with risk you know like you're somebody who has a healthy relationship with risk i think what happens is you take a risk and if it succeeds then you you that reframes your relationship with risk and you're willing to take another one and maybe that next step is going to be a little bit broader and a little bit riskier than the one that came before it but if you've lived your life in a certain way in accordance with some set of parameters like this is what i do and you know i go to school and i get this job and you know i'm going to get my pension and they've never stepped outside of that and challenged themselves in any fundamental real way then you telling them like you got to do you got to try these other things it's going to be scary and intimidating so what i always say to those people is it's not about quitting your job you don't even have to take a risk like if you have this dream that you've been harboring for a decade but you haven't done anything about it what's the least risky thing that you could do to actually breathe a little bit of life into it like maybe you want to play the clarinet or whatever it is you want to be a stand-up comedian like write a joke and just that's it that's all you have to do just today write a joke i'm not asking you to go on stage i'm not asking you to quit your job just do that one thing and i think when you take it's back to the whole like micro step what are you doing in this moment um you know concept and i think when you when you take those little steps that have very little risk you know attached to them over time you create a little bit of momentum and a little bit of of emotional attachment to that and then suddenly the next step is slightly less scary than the one that came before it and so you can kind of iterate on that over time until suddenly you wake up and you're like oh i got i got like 15 minutes of jokes here and then you have to take the big risk or maybe just call your friend and you you tell your friend these jokes that's less risky right but what is it that you can do that's just enough outside of your comfort zone but not so outside of your comfort zone that it's going to paralyze you yeah what do you think of the three things the three biggest things we could do to increase our confidence and belief in ourselves speaking as somebody who who lacked confidence as a young person i mean i think the most powerful thing to to to two things i don't know if i can think of three but two that come to mind are one if you if you accomplish something that's hard particularly something that maybe you thought you weren't capable of that's immediately going to boost your esteem so it has nothing to do with external validation again it's about your relationship with yourself the second thing is that self-esteem comes from performing esteemable acts those esteemable acts can be on behalf of yourself like what i just talked about but they also come from performing selfless acts for others so being of service to somebody else is like a super highway to self-esteem so if you're not feeling great about yourself you're basically mirroring in your own self-pity and that does no good for anybody so the best thing you can do is avail yourself to help another human being and that can be as simple as calling up a friend who you know is having a hard time and just listening to them you don't have to solve their problem but just give them your time it's the most valuable thing that you have yeah it doesn't have to be going to a soup kitchen and feeding you know those less fortunate it can be that it can be anything but what i found and what i've learned over many years of practicing this is that you basically get outside of yourself and you realize that you're living in your head and you're running you're looping this you know story that you're telling yourself about who you are and what your limits are and the minute that you that you make yourself available to help somebody else it quiets all of that all that goes away and when you make that a practice i can almost guarantee i can guarantee that you're going to feel better about yourself because you're making a difference for other people you always boost confidence when you do that i had two other things that came to my mind one is being your word to yourself being a word to other people being your word to other people and showing up the way you say you're gonna be on time or i'm gonna help you with this thing and you actually follow through that builds confidence with yourself where you say i'm gonna walk three miles today doing it and completing it as opposed to i'm gonna walk three miles today and then you don't do it you lose confidence with yourself because you aren't able to follow through on your word so that's an esteemable act on behalf of yourself exactly right and i think you know a close cousin to that is um is being gentle with yourself right and understanding that we're all flawed human beings and we mess up and we're not perfect so when you find yourself uh in the wake of such a misstep to be like it's okay don't beat yourself up all day yeah like how can you practice self-love and and forgiveness of yourself yeah it's powerful i think also something else that came up for me was using some of your time to follow the things that you feel like you're meant to follow like following your dreams your goals a hobby a passion whatever it may be using at least some of your time dedicated towards towards what's in your heart telling you what you should be doing yeah i mean i think in a macro sense what you're saying is to live your life more intentionally and less reactively and that's become more difficult in our techno technology infused era where uh you know it's so easy to just look at our phone and and take ourselves out of the moment that we have to be uh more rigorous with how we use our time and create boundaries around that quiet time that creative space even if it's just a few minutes in the morning before you start just responding and reacting to everything that's around you what's been the hardest thing for you to overcome in terms with using technology is it the phone first thing in the morning is it on the phone too much is it watching netflix too long what's the what's the thing for you you've had to overcome in the last year i mean it's a struggle with the phone you know what i mean because for everything and and you know for people like us it's part of what we do right it's our business it's not like i'm not going on you know it's not like my relationship with the phone is to see what my friends are doing on facebook it's like i need to be posting these things marketing and promoting and yeah and i think you know what what i've had to do is just understand that i'm you know i'm i'm there to broadcast and so you know i don't get involved in twitter spats and all that kind of stuff like every once in a while i mean i think like you know twitter for me it's like that's the you know you can go down a rabbit hole well i mean i i just i'm scrolling like i don't get involved in stuff like i post the podcast and i share you know interesting things from time to time or an article that i think is worthy or a film that i think would be interesting for people to watch like i'm but but i don't i don't get involved in a lot of back and forth but but you know what i'll watch it you know what i mean i'll be like this drama is unfolding and i have to see what's you know how this is going to play out and it's not good so you know i go through periods where i take those apps off my phone you know if i have to use them i'll make sure that it's on a browser on my computer which makes it just a little bit more difficult you listen you listen to a lot of cal newport for that the deep work well a cal is like yes yeah yeah good luck getting in touch with that guy you know what i mean yeah he's on email but you know it's like you know there could be all kinds of stuff going on on social networks about his books and he would have no idea no idea and you know what he's probably happier happier more productive certainly freer yeah more connected to his family and friends probably freer that's interesting so the phone has been a challenge for you yeah of course especially in a pandemic when we're stuck at home you know it just gets ratcheted up i mean how does that look for you some days i'm really good other days i'm like nine hours on my phone jeez what was i doing you know it's like a lot of it is work related and connect with my team on facetime or talk to my girlfriend or whatever it may be but just screen time nine hours i saw one day i was like usually it's like six or seven but i saw nine hours like man what was i doing all day yeah and so it's just being very deliberate with our time on the phone and i use my phone a lot more than my computer also so it's like okay if i was on my computer for five hours a day creating or something it'd be similar but well it's a challenge the more important metric it's less about time and it's more about how much of that is is is being used for consumption and how much of it is being used for creation you know if you're using it to create that's a different relationship than it is to just mindlessly scroll and consume what other people are creating one of the reasons i love the podcast is because it's like an hour or two of no phone and just connecting with someone and just learning creating being that's one of the things i love about it it's like you have to put that aside you can't have a computer or phone you got an ipad in front of you though well i i'm thinking i'm getting notes here it's got my questions here but i'm not using it i know for something one of the things i did i bought this last night i was like you know what i always tell myself that i'm not gonna have my phone in my room or i'm not gonna check it in the first 10 or 20 minutes or something and i do it for a couple days and i always fall back in that pattern for whatever reason like i get lazy i just plug it in and then i'm like oh something's happening in the morning and i never feel good when i do that and so last night i actually went on amazon and i was like i need to find the most simplest alarm clock and also when i was interviewing jay shetty he was like it's never good to wake up to an alarm you don't want to be alarmed when you wake up you're automatically in fear and reaction yeah i was like i've been doing that my whole life and i was like how can i get an alarm clock this just has like nature sounds it just has like birds you know water and wake me up more relaxed right and i'm excited to try it and i'm like okay if i can have an alarm that's not alarming but wakes me up peacefully right my phone is in another room then i feel like i could really start to create different habits for myself so i'm excited about that it's good i mean i i have pretty hard and fast rules about the morning time you know the morning for me is my most creative part of the day and i try to really honor that by not getting on the phone and doing meditation and journaling yeah and creative work um i don't schedule any phone calls or meetings before 12. you know that's when after i do that i train and like that's really you know i'm fortunate in that i'm self-employed and i have control over my schedule and i fully understand that you know that's a luxury and a lot of people don't have that but i think i think really being mindful and intentional about that first hour after you wake up in the morning is super important because you're setting the tone for how the whole day is going to go and if you wake up alarmed and then immediately go to your phone and you're just reacting then you're not in control of your life your life is being dictated and controlled by external forces now you know we all have you know we all you know we all have to respond to the world right but if you can just delay that a little bit and use that morning time to connect with yourself to remind yourself about you know why it is that you're doing whatever it is you're going to do on that day i think you're in a better position to just be more present and responsive rather than reactive when the stresses of the day start getting hurled at you yeah being more being more in reflection mode than reaction mode i think is key what do you think is the thing that's going to help take you to the next level over the next decade 54 right now yeah i'm 54. what do you think over the next what's the six years what's the next six years what's the next level like what is the next level for you i mean i don't you know to be honest i don't really think of my life in those terms like i don't it's not like oh i'm doing this but i really want to be here maybe it's not creating more it's just being something greater whether that's being more intentional in my marriage or relationships or being more intentional here what's going to make you a better version of you whether it's serving more people or pulling less on projects you know it's hard because like i'm really happy right now and i'm really happy with my life and i feel so grateful that i get to do what i do and if this was it like i'm good like it doesn't have to be i'm not doing it to get to some other place and i think that that the thing that i want to be able to master that i've struggled with is just being able to live more in joy and appreciation of that like intellectually i understand it i can connect with that gratitude when i focus on it but it doesn't come easy to me like i'm still a grinder and and and you know this this vocation that i built for myself i'm very proud of but when it began there was a level of like financial desperation that i was in and and uncertainty and those i leveraged those as motivation and i was able to kind of climb out of that and create something that now is very stable and successful but i still operate with a little ptsd from that really and feel like i have to keep you know i have to like it's got to be like this like i hold on to it very tightly and i think the opportunity for me is to mature out of that trauma and just more in joy and appreciation the trauma so that i can have more fun throughout the day yeah and i think also with that focus and that addictive tendency i tend to you know live my life like this um which cuts me off more than i would like from friends and intimacy with people that i care about if i'm being really honest wow yeah that's interesting so i've you know i have great relationships with my kids and my marriage is great and all of that but but um i could do better with my friendships for sure and i think the pandemic has brought that into focus in a way that maybe i wouldn't have appreciated so you know i always look at situations like this like oh rather than you know the pandemic happening to us how can we look at it as happening for us like where is the growth opportunity here and that's kind of what's been coming up for me where do you think you're lacking intimacy the most i think just in in in being more available to my friends you know what i mean like i'm busy i got this going on you know like we just get caught up in our lives you know and and and then our lives move quickly you know i can tell you as somebody who's older than you it's like wow like where it's i'm 54 really because i feel like i'm 30 but then i'm like my beard's white dude you know um and i want to be yeah so i want to be i want to be a better friend i think so i'm 37 where were you at 37 i was seven years sober and very intent on becoming a successful lawyer in los angeles you're still a lawyer oh yeah i was a lawyer until i was 40. so i practiced law for i don't know 15 years or something um yeah i was working across the street here as a lawyer um jamming you know the square peg into a round hole determined to make it work and blindly unaware that i was chasing the wrong goal you know i've chased the wrong goal and out of sheer determination and perseverance you know and holding on tightly to it refusing to see what was obvious to a lot of people which was that like i don't think this is the right career for you but you were holding on to it to achieve it and you achieved this yeah i was i was living my life in accordance with a set of rules that i don't want to say the wrong thing like they weren't yours that yeah they weren't they weren't mine like and i didn't have the conscious awareness to understand that i was living my life in accordance with somebody else's rule book and not my own and i wasn't self-integrated enough to realize that and it took another crisis for me to say i've never really asked myself what it is that i wanted like i just was the guy who you know got tried to get the good grades and get into the best school that i could and and you know go to grad school and get the best job and then you know to wake up at 40 and think i don't think that i'm climbing the right ladder here it wasn't until you were 40 when you realized that yeah i mean that was when i had that that's when i was like you know 50 pounds overweight and the staircase thing and i'm going to climb anyways i needed i needed a you know i needed a a different kind of intervention in my life and a redirect so it took a little bit of a mini crisis for me to realize that um and i never felt entitled to even ponder what it was that i wanted out of life or or what it might be that would get me excited to get out of bed in the morning i was like i'm up i'm a person of a certain education and there are expectations that are built into that and this is what i need to do and i had to like you know drive that into a brick wall in order to you know re-examine and ultimately deconstruct it so if you're 37 looking back what are three things you would have let go of or eliminated in your life that weren't working for you um i would have i would have told myself to just stop already like quit like what are you doing like you're not on the right path for yourself it's okay it's not about failure it's about honoring yourself you know i was living for i was living for social and parental approval at that time and i think that's the case with a lot of people um were you living more for parent or social approval it was a little it was a little bit of both i mean i you know i love my parents but i grew up in a household where you were expected to perform at a certain level and i got self-esteem from trying to live up to those expectations even though i could never quite you know get to that point um i would chase that for a very long time and ultimately couldn't find myself until i'd exasper exasperated that okay so let go of that quit what else would you have done well i would have said stop drinking but i had already stopped drinking by that point um i think the other thing that i was doing at that time because i was so caught up in external validation it was like i need to get the better car or like let me move into this apartment and i was living outside of my means so the biggest piece of advice that i always give to young people and certainly would have given to myself would be to live as leanly as possible to you know let go of all that stuff because it just buys you options and opportunities you have choices but if you you know incur debt and live outside of those means then you become enslaved to whatever you know salary you're earning that paycheck then becomes your master and you're unable to pivot and make choices even if you want to you know chase that dream or do that thing you don't feel capable of doing it because you're servicing a lifestyle do you think a lot of people are still in that space today in their late 30s that they're they're they're overexpending their their finances they're in debt they're doing stuff they don't want to do for others approvals and they're addicted to something that's holding them back i think there's two camps you know i think there is a generation of young people who are very influenced by you know instagram culture and they see guys with lambos and yachts and all that kind of stuff and it's just like that's what i gotta have and they're not successful so there's a certain level yeah you're not successful unless you're standing in front of a private jet or something like that and so that motivates young people to live outside their means to try to front that they're you know that they're uh you know living in a certain way that is in accordance with that like set of parameters right and i'm sure that there's a lot of young people who are in debt or living way outside of their means in order to like you know look good on instagram or tick tock or whatever it is at the same time there's a whole new generation of young people who who are more on the you know joshua fields milburn tip of like living minimally you know people you get to my age and it's like oh those young people you know but i look at i look at gen z and i'm very encouraged because this is a generation of people who actually care about things that matter they're making life decisions and career decisions based upon social responsibility and and personal fulfillment and they're not about the bling they're about like finding meaning in their career choices and their lifestyle choices and so i'm very you know when i see you know their that message out there that message of minimalism and like trying to identify what your values are and and organizing your life in accordance with that as opposed to you know what comes on the other side of that which is what we just talked about um i i get a lot of like hope and enthusiasm for that you know ethos right and that was not something when i was growing up there was no nobody was talking about minimalism you know when i was in like about more and more keeping up with everyone right yeah i grew up in the 80s you know and it was wall street and greed is good there was nobody pushing back on that at that time yeah it was being celebrated and it still is now you know we're in it we're in it we're having a you know uh the moment that we're in right now is very similar to the 80s in certain regards but there is this other there is this other you know kind of very cool uh sensibility among young people where they're not buying into that and they do care about things like the environment and sustainability and conscious capitalism and like how am i going to stake my claim but actually do good for others and i think that's very cool i have a theory that the next year the media is going to continue with the hype of fear because they're making so much money right now by getting everyone's attention with just spreading fear fear obviously a lot of stuff is happening and real and things are happening but it's sensationalizing it so much to gain our attention so they can make money as well it's not here's the facts and what to do about it it's blowing everything out of a proportion in certain areas so they can get more viewers more listeners and more dollars with whether that theory is accurate or not if that does happen next year where news continues to sensationalize things how can we manage that emotionally so we don't fall into the trap and lose ourselves more as a society in the next year yeah i mean i would i would completely agree that you know we're in a media environment that thrives on dividing people and fomenting fear i think that that culture is going to meet its moment when trump leaves office and they have to find a different way of maintaining eyeballs and ears so that's going to be interesting to see how that unfolds but i think the the message and to answer your question is that we have to be more conscious and mindful about our information diet and it goes back to being proactive and in control of how you're living your life or reactive right we can all scroll through these platforms and let our dopamine get spiked by whatever outrageous headline or story that we see but we have to remind ourselves and remember that we have a choice about whether we need to consume that or not and i think that's why i feel so strongly about podcasting because i feel like in many ways it's an antidote to that culture because we're having long-form conversations they're by their very nature going to be laced with nuance and a good faith attempt at understanding whether you know two people sitting across from each other agree on everything or not at least there's an effort to to have a mature thoughtful exchange and that's anathema to the click-bait fear-based media climate that basically monopolizes most of our attention but i think there's no it's no mistake that podcasting has become like look we're talking about when we started like could you have imagined that podcasting would have matured to the kind of uh attention that it's getting right now it's crazy right who would have thought that people have time to spend you know an hour two hours in some cases three hours to listen to a conversation people would have said you're crazy but i think it's hardwired into us it's like that campfire that we're missing especially in a pandemic when we can't connect with people in the manner that we would like and i really see that this medium is in many ways a response and an answer to that fear-based culture to say we're not going to stand for that we're better than that and the fact that people are cottoning onto podcasting and enjoying it and and this medium it continues to grow at the rate that it that it's growing speaks to that um human quality and that's something that i find i find hopeful yeah it's inspiring you've been in a what looks like on instagram a healthy relationship for a long time been married for how long been together 20 we've been married for 15 16. no yeah 16 those years what would you say are the the three things that have allowed you to thrive through all the ups and downs pandemic children hormones projects success you know challenges addiction what's allowed you to continue to thrive obviously nothing ever being perfect but grow and improve in my relationship with julie yeah i think the first thing is that uh is that we're we're we're both very independent people and we're not looking to the other person to solve our problems for ourselves so there's a mutual respect julie doesn't julie doesn't need me to complete her i don't need her to complete me that's on us and our relationship with ourselves and our spiritual lives and our emotional lives it's hard to find someone like that who understands it's their responsibility to to complete themselves yeah it's how do you find someone or how do you encourage someone to live by that idea when they've been told a story pretty much their whole life that you know that they're moving the prince to come and rescue them how does someone embrace it and realize that that's a better lifestyle well you come into the world alone and you die alone my friend you know and and you've got to be on this journey of of of growth for yourself it can't be contingent on on another person and i think a lot of people who are in pain or are looking you know for some some sort of um uh you know grounding often look to that other per if i can just you know if i date that person then i'm gonna be okay and it's never the case like you've got to be okay with yourself in order to attract that person you know into your life to begin with water rises to its own level and you know i've had to learn this the hard way over over many years i don't know how you can compel that in somebody they've got to figure that out for themselves but i think when you're in a relationship you uh and and you're you know projecting on to that other person some a some idealized version of who they are and an expectation that they need to you know fulfill some need that you have you're in for you know a ride right good challenge so you've got to figure out how to have those needs met yourself outside of that relationship so that when you come together you're both complete individuals you can share and meet each other where you're at and that's hard you know it's really hard what's been the biggest challenge you guys have had to overcome together you know i think that that uh the biggest challenge that we've had was navigating you know really difficult financial times where we almost lost our house and i think we've talked about this before like we went through an extended number of years as a matter of fact where it was really difficult for us to figure out how to make ends meet and i was very close to going back to being a lawyer wow had i not had julie's support i very well would have done that it was only because she was able to have faith in what we were trying to accomplish when my faith faltered that i was able to stay in it and that's very very rare i mean i think most partners would have said go get a job like where you know and as a as as you know a man who had children it was emasculating and very difficult um and that's not that that was a situation that i think probably would have broken most marriages and we were able to leverage that to grow closer and become completely aligned in our vision and what we wanted to achieve and accomplish um and that's not to say it was easy because it wasn't it was the most difficult thing that we've ever done but but it but it really did bring us closer and it bonded us in a way you know that that i just you know i don't know it was it's it's really special that's pretty cool i think the lesson is like when you're in a crisis understand that can fracture you or just as just as likely bring you together if you can like get really grounded in what's occurring and and open up the channel of communication and allow yourself to be vulnerable and use it as an opportunity to to you know find a way to come closer together yeah it's pretty cool so this was i mean this was the hardest part of it was like after finding ultra came out really yeah after the book came out yeah because i because that's when i finally walked away from being a lawyer and i was like i'm going to step into you know this other thing but that thing was very ill-defined at that time and i had trust and faith that the universe would show up you know because i i'd written this book and i had i was starting to get a little bit of interest in the things that i cared about talking about um but the phone didn't ring for a long time and even when things seemingly were happening on the outside like financially it was very difficult to like make it work it took a long time when did the book come out 2012 yeah wow so between 2012 and like 2015 it was it was pretty tough really yeah yeah and i did the podcast for a long time before monetizing it in any way the podcast never i don't know if i ever thought that it that like when we started it like i didn't even know that it could be a thing like i started the end of 2012 yeah i started mine at the beginning of january 2013. um yeah we were like two months apart at the very end of 2012. yeah i remember remember people didn't even know how to find the podcast app on their phone then yeah like how do i listen to this where do i go i still get that i know you know but it's more accessible now so that was the hardest time 2012 2015. i mean i've had plenty of hard times but i think as as financially as a as a married couple like trying to traverse that together with children because they've got needs and expenses in school and college and also other people saying what are you doing like you're cr like he's out like going running and like two hours go to work he's like a ride his bike for eight hours today and you guys can't put like food on the table you know it was it was rough like having to having the wherewithal to like mute out all the the noise and say we're on this path we believe in this path and it might take longer than we wish or that we thought but to maintain you know adherence to that and have the conviction um was very difficult but i look back on it now like all hard things with great gratitude because i think that we had to burn you know in that fire in order to you know carry the resonance that we're able to carry today you know like that hardship crafted us it it it it it hardened us and wisened us so that we could be better servants ultimately do you think we don't don't go through hard things growing up in the first 20 30 years of our life where everything just seems to we have great parents you know we stay healthy we work hard and we get the job right away do you feel like we're not going to be as fully fulfilled unless we go through hardships or is it possible to be happy and fulfilled when everything works i don't know i don't know i mean you know listen i don't have to tell you i'm sure the most interesting people that you've had on the podcast are all people that went through really hard stuff right it forces you to meet your maker you get clear on who you want to be you develop the skills that you need to tackle obstacles and get through hard and it it turns you into it it forces you to become it's either going to destroy you or it's going to it's going to expedite that process of self-actualization and you ultimately have stories to tell and you become an interesting person right that's not to say that you have to have that in order to be happy and fulfilled and purposeful and all of those things like everything else it is available to us i just think it's it's it's harder when the universe doesn't foist it upon you yeah but that being said nobody gets out of life alive right and i think even if you had great parents nobody gets through you know the first 20 years of their life without some kind of trauma that's formative even if they're not consciously aware of it so you know everybody has their stuff and you know the people that i find to be the people that i want to spend time with are the people that face those hard things and have the courage to not only work through them um but share their vulnerabilities you know because that creates the intimacy and the bond and i think that that's freely available to everybody that's cool why did you decide to write a book again and use use uh in a beautiful book i mean it's amazing it's like a piece of art yeah thank you but this is uh there's a lot of people have done books around their podcasts or their blogs you've done it in a unique different way why did you decide to create this uh well first of all you you said you part of it is what you just said which is that you talk to people and they're like how do i how do i hear this podcast you know right so uh i wanted to i wanted to create a love letter to my guests and also to the audience um not everybody listens to every episode and even if you have listened to you know a large portion of of the catalog it's easy to forget because you're commuting or you're at the gym or in the car and i wanted to basically create a series this will this is the first volume and what i hope will be an annual thing of of putting down on paper um some of the lessons and the wisdom that the guests have have uh imparted over the years on the podcast so yeah the book's called voicing change i mean it's basically i took 50 guests that i've had over the years um we transcribed the podcast excerpt it out some of the nuggets i have essays contributed by some people and i write thoughtful introductions for each of them and it's all um packaged in this coffee table type book with beautiful photographs so that anyone would feel great about leaving it out on their coffee table for people to peruse and we decided to do it as a as a as a self-published thing really kind of cool experience see that here ritual enterprises what was that like it's been cool um the other books we did we've done for julie and i together have done four books um all with publishers so i'm well versed in how all that works and we've had great experiences with all of those this book was a little bit different um it's you know a heavy expensive book because it's a you know it's like a cookbook it's full of photographs and stuff like that and um given that it's expensive to produce uh the marginalized would be so low if you're working yeah the margins are crazy low and i would never be able to get the advance that would make sense for me so i also wanted to be able to do a new one every year and i just thought this is the and this is a book that i'm not trying to get on the new york times bestseller list with this book this book is for the fans and it's for people that love podcasts and people want inspiration so it's not about it being at the airport bookstore or being on some list it's just it's just something that i wanted to offer that's right i wanted to own it and control it and i'm in a position where you know i've got a team of really talented amazing artists that i could work with on this so we've had to create like infrastructure and a whole business around it because we're handling not only do we handle design printing production printing shipping everything and we're doing yeah we're handling all the shipping and the fulfillment and the customer service and all of that so it's not on amazon no it's not even on amazon like we're not quite through your website you have to buy it shipped out from your place ship it globally you know but it's gonna the shipping's expensive like everybody's so used to free shipping now yeah so they're like oh my god it's like 25 it's like but that's what it is like i'm not making any money that's what shipping actually costs you know um so that's been interesting navigating all of that but it's it's a different relationship to the book because we're self-publishing it i feel more emotionally connected to it it's really cool yeah you inspire me i feel like i need to do something like this now it's been it's really beautiful it's been really cool and the response has been great and it's just you know it's gratifying who's the one person that you wish you could have more time with in a conversation oh i mean you know i i love to spend all day with everybody that that comes on the show i mean you know there's you can't ask me to choose among my baby you know the babies i would say sorry i'd say kobe bryant for me oh yeah well i guess right you've had to pick one person that was you're like oh man i wish i had another hour with that person right that maybe you weren't as accessible too yeah but i know it's hard it's hard to choose but now i know even if it's an unknown person or just someone you had a great conversation with well i would suspect that you share this which is that you you do these podcast interviews you you create this connection with the people that you talk about and then a lot of these people end up your friends and they're part of your life right so even if i wish a conversation had gone on longer than it had those people that i had that i have that feeling towards i end up having conversations with them later anyway because they are part of my they are a part of my life and that's really you know that's the great beautiful amazing thing about hosting a podcast is you get this excuse to talk to amazing people and then you're connected to them it's amazing yeah i love it where can we get the book then patrol.com yes on my website there you go richwall.com shipping not included but it's yeah but it's worth it don't tap me about the shipping yeah but it's a beautiful experience to check out for sure great wisdom i'm really proud of it yeah you should be this is really nice great photography really cool so congrats on this richroll.com check it out check out rich on youtube powerful youtube channel as well uh youtube rich roll and uh ritual podcast make sure you check this out powerful stuff that you've always got and you already interview a lot of people in the ultra you know endurance and health and wellness space the biohacking space as well you do a lot of that more so than me right you do a lot of like these extreme athletes or people that have gone above and beyond physically mentally you know my rule with the podcast is i follow my curiosity and obviously you're going to have people on that that you know are doing the things that you're interested in and i'm part of that world and i'm interested in that world so yeah i've had a lot of those kind of people on that's cool man that's great i'm curious what last time you shared your three truths i'm curious what they are now i won't tell you what you said last time i could never i can there's no way i'd be able to tell you what i said last time my three truths what is the context of this there's a three question is if it's your last day and um you've accomplished everything in your life but everything you've ever created like this book or the podcast or videos they all have to go with you that content to the next place wherever this is right uh you get to live as long as you want but eventually you gotta take it all with you and go somewhere and turn the lights off but you get to leave behind a piece of paper and write down three lessons from your life that you would share with the world or three things you know to be true this would be all we have to remember you by these three truths okay what would you say yes the first truth is approach your life from a perspective of service like live your life in service like give more than you seek to get i think is important that's one truth another truth would be and this is a mantra that i always repeat to myself mood follows action and that speaks to what we were talking about earlier about people who struggle to achieve their goals and succumb to analysis paralysis like put the action before the emotional shift that you seek tends to shock people out of their status quo um third thing third truth truth that i've learned behind but like learned as a result of my life yeah that you would share to the world a lesson there is no destination so you've got to fall in love with the process of where it is that you're aiming to to go and that journey cannot be about material accumulation or status it has to be one that has one that's girded with internal meaning and purpose and value for yourself yeah that's beautiful powerful i don't know if i said that as concisely powerful to me man i love that well make sure you guys check out the book podcast the youtube uh and rich you're a guy that does things with an artist you're like a you're like a beautiful artist in your attention to detail like every piece of work you think about the whole freak bottleneck thing i know you know but it's it's like every book you've ever written is like beautifully done you bring a level of artistry to it you make it rich and meaningful just like consuming your information so i really appreciate that about you and your dedication to being the healthiest happiest version of yourself no matter what is going on i think it's really hard for people to overcome an addiction any type of addiction bad food alcohol sex whatever it may be it's really hard to overcome it and sustain it for as long as you have so i acknowledge you for that and living in that space consistently man and uh can't wait to have you back on in the future man appreciate it appreciate it thank you man mad love and respect for everything that you've created and built here man appreciate it appreciate you too much love if you're looking for more greatness in your life make sure to check out this video right here and also check out our free pdf the three secrets to unlock the power of your mind to help you change your life download it right here people would come up to me and say well you navy seals are the the ultimate peak performers and uh and i said actually no we're not

Channel: Lewis Howes

Views: 104,150

Keywords: Lewis Howes, Lewis Howes interview, school of greatness, self help, self improvement, self development, personal development, success habits, success, wealth, motivation, inspiration, inspirational video, motivational video, success principles, millionaire success habits, how to become successful, success motivation, Rich roll, rich roll interview, rich roll podcast, achieve anything you want, success advice, life advice, wisdom, manifest success, achieve any goal

Id: 1-GSmjF4X9E

Length: 76min 39sec (4599 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 29 2021