Difference Between Introverts and Avoidant Personality Disorder

CEUs are available at ALLCEUs.com/Introvert hey there everybody and welcome  to this video where we explore   the difference between avoidant attachment and  introversion i'm your host dr donnelly snipes avoidant attachment is a type of attachment it's  an insecure attachment style it overlaps almost   completely with what we call in the dsm 5tr  avoidant personality disorder i don't like the   term disorder because i think that the avoidant  personality behaviors develop as a way the person   copes with a very abusive and neglectful  environment anyhow people who have avoided   attachment are often dismissive or minimizing of  their feelings and needs as well as the feelings   and needs of other people they grew up in a  household where they were told that they were   too needy that they were too emotional that they  needed to suck it up they were not comforted they   were criticized and so they've grown up shunning  their own feelings and needs as well as those of   others it's not that they don't empathize  it's that they have been taught that it is   not important to pay attention to those  things they can't empathize they just don't   people with avoidant attachment may not try  new things won't ask for help and give up   easily due to fear of rejection embarrassment  criticism or just not being accepted when they   were growing up again their caregivers expected  way too much out of them and as a result they fell   short they were constantly receiving  criticism and feedback that they weren't   good enough we see this and avoid an attachment  and we often see this in avoidant personality   they feel shame for expressing  emotion we already talked about that   have unreal unrealistic expectations of  themselves and constant feelings of inadequacy   not feeling good enough so the person with  avoidant personality or avoidant attachment   constantly feels like they don't measure up  that their feelings are unimportant that they   are not good enough they have this low self-esteem  they believe they don't deserve love because   they're unappealing or inferior how heartbreaking  is that and these are the characteristics as   i mentioned of a avoidant quote personality  disorder in addition to avoiding attachment   and finally in people with avoidant attachment  or personality their relationships the ones that   they do have are often extremely superficial why  well in their family of origin nobody had these   deep relationships it was all pretty superficial  anyhow they were taught that their feelings and   thoughts didn't matter and they were taught that  if you let anybody in if you're vulnerable you're   going to get criticized and you're going to get  hurt so as adults their relationships tend to be   on the surface i will interact with you  to the extent that i have to you know   say at work for example but then we're done  we're not going to be best friends forever introversion on the other hand is a personality  style or a personality trait it's the opposite   if you will of extroversion it's important to  remember that introversion and extroversion   are on a continuum most people are not  all the way at one end or all the way   at the other they have characteristics of both  temperaments but people who are introverts often   need down or alone time each day to get grounded  and recharged it's not that they don't like people   it's that the noise from being among people and  out doing stuff can be exhausting for them they   just need some recharge time they love to do  deep dives on things these are the people who   if they get something that they're interested in  they are going to try to learn everything there   is to know about it they're going to check out  every book they are going to talk to every person   they're going to read every blog they don't  have a lot of interest in small talk that   superficial small talk that you make with anybody  and everybody feels like a time waster to them so   that's kind of interesting and that's one of those  key differences between introversion and avoidant   personality avoidant personality the relationships  are often superficial in introversion you've got   relationships that tend to be very close and very  deep also the person who's introverted doesn't   have that underlying feeling of anxiety or not  being good enough as a result of their temperament   now they may have that for other reasons but  healthy introverts don't have that they are very   comfortable in their own skin they're actually  a lot more aware of what's going on inside them   than outside so there they know what what they're  feeling they have to exert a lot of effort to   get out of their own head if you will and notice  what's going on around them not that they are   selfish or self-centered it's just the way they  are wired when they're in environments with other   people which they don't dislike you know it people  who are introverted do tend to like being around   other people not big crowds that's overwhelming  but a few people at a time but it takes a lot of   energy for them to focus on other people and other  people's needs now some people who are introverts   interestingly enough are highly sensitive people  they're aware of what's going on inside them and   they're also very aware of what's going on around  around um with others and when they get into an   environment in which there's lots of people around  it's like the volume gets turned up to its act   max amount and they're just getting all this  stimulus and input and it's overwhelming   again this overwhelmingness or this input  this is not the result of hyper vigilance   or trauma or anything else it's just the way  introverts are my daughter is an introvert and   even doing things when she was a teenager  like going to the mall or going shopping   even if we were going just grocery shopping and  stuff so it's not like this huge crowd being out   and around other people was exhausting for  her and she would come home and she would   just say okay i've had enough extroverting  for today i'm going to my room for a while   fine she needed time after that outing to get  grounded and regroup and and that was fine   people who are introverts tend to have a few close  friends extroverts have a lot of acquaintances   they have never met a stranger if you will people  who are introverts have a few close friends when   they go out and do things they like to do things  either by themselves or with a couple of people   so the size of the group is limited it's not  that they don't like people it's that the size   of the group is limited they also prefer to work  independently because they can get into their zone   they can get into their groove and do a deep  dive they don't mind collaborating on projects   but they prefer to have each person have their  own task and then you get together and share   and then each person go and do the next  step and then you get together and share   instead of four people trying to work on the  exact same thing at the exact same time they   can do it but it's probably not their favorite  activity people who are introverts tend to be   accountants scientists even sometimes people  who work on an assembly line if it's not too   chaotic because they are able on the assembly  line to focus on in their own head you know   when a lot of times when people work on assembly  lines they're not chatting with all of the people   around them they've got to focus on what they're  doing and people who are introverted because they   get into that groove they get into that zone  if you will they often dislike interruptions   and i said multiple times that people who are  introverts don't dislike other people because   that is a huge misconception and that's one of the  things i wanted to dispel right now people who are   anxious about getting in relationships who don't  trust other people who feel bad about themselves   that we want to look at attachment introversion  is a set of behaviors or a way of interacting that   is very common in healthy  empathetic compassionate people   and and so there's a difference  that we need to recognize if the videos on this channel have  been helpful for you please support   us in our mission to make high quality  practical content available to everyone   you can donate at doc snipes dot com slash donate   join the channel at docsnipes.com join or purchase  a thanks on any particular videos that you like people who have avoidant personality or attachment  are often haunted by an underlying fear of   rejection or sense of shame sometimes people  who are avoidant may have lost hope in others   so they truly just don't care about getting in  relationships and that is one manifestation of the   stress response we've talked about this in other  videos fight flee freeze fun or forget about it   and they've gotten to the point that psychologists  will sometimes call learned helplessness and they   just kind of lay down and go i give up forget  about it i'm just not even going to try anymore   people who are introverts on the other  hand are often very healthy and happy   in touch with their feelings and needs and have  a few close friends ultimately the question is   are you truly happy some people who have avoidant  personality have been that way for so long   and often it begins in childhood that  they've reached a point where they are comfortable with it if you will they are afraid  of change or they just don't have the energy for   change or whatever the reason is they don't  want to change their attachment style they're   like fine i don't need people i can go live  by myself and be a hermit on 115 acres that's   fine if that's what they want to do obviously  because that's their choice and that's another   mistake that people often make assuming that the  person with avoidant personality wants to change   if they want to change there are tools to help  them overcome the issues that got them to where   they are if they don't if they are content with  where they are right now well then great let's   empower them to be the person that they want to be  and introverts we need to embrace their potential   because just because they like to do deep dives  just because they don't like to be interrupted   you know that makes them a great member of a team  when you've got other people who like to do the   superficial things they like to come up with the  great ideas but figuring out how to actually put   it all together is just too much you know they  get bored really easily well they balance each   other out so introverts are also awesome to have  around we just need to respect that unlike the   extrovert who gets ener draws energy from  being around people and can get charged in   you know rah-rah meetings as we sometimes call  them the introvert not so much that's exhausting   for the introvert so we do need to respect their  ways of gaining energy there are ways of feeling   grounded and centered and the environments  that are preferable and least stressful to them related videos are linked in  the notes to this presentation   i've done multiple videos on temperament  extrovert introvert sensing intuitive   all that kind of stuff and what they might look  like in relationships so if you're interested in   how people's temperaments may be impacting  their relationships and how you can better   connect with people of different  temperaments check out some of those videos

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Id: IOIl6umq3RM

Length: 13min 50sec (830 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 12 2022