- Depersonalization can feel
like a very strange condition. And the symptoms that
come with it can seem very frightening and confusing. But the truth is that there
are very simple reasons behind all of these
symptoms, and actually, they're not nearly as
frightening as you might think. Hey, everyone, I'm Shaun O'Connor, author of The Depersonalization Manual. I suffered with chronic
Depersonalization for two years before I recovered completely. And in the more than 10 years since, my book, The Depersonalization Manual, has helped thousands of
people around the world to recover from DP. And today, I'm going to go
through the top 10 symptoms of Depersonalization, what causes them, and why you don't need
to be afraid of them. Let's get started. (upbeat music) Number 10, Feeling Cut Off From Reality. One of the most common
Depersonalization symptoms is the feeling that you're
cut off from reality. Like there's a barrier or a pane of glass between you and the world. You might feel like
you're living in a dream, or that the people and things
around you aren't real. This can be a bizarre and
frightening experience. But these feelings are
actually part of your brain's natural response to anxiety and trauma. You see, when you go through
any traumatic experience, like a car crash, physical
violence, etc, your body's fight or
flight response kicks in. Now, this causes a number of
different physical reactions. Tense muscles, heart
palpitations, tremors, etc. But anxiety also causes mental symptoms, such as racing thoughts, and
inability to concentrate. And another one of these mental symptoms is the feeling of Depersonalization. It's designed to distance you and protect you from the trauma that's happening around you. Think of it like an airbag for your mind. It's perfectly natural
and it's extremely common. In fact, the National
Alliance on Mental Illness estimates that up to 75%
of people will experience at least one Depersonalization
episode in their lives. And for most people, it
only lasts for the duration of the stress and trauma. Once you're out of danger, it typically fades away naturally, which is what it's supposed to do. But sometimes, when DP happens
because of a less obvious cause, like with a panic attack
or a bad drug experience, it can seem like it's a separate problem. Feeling like you're going crazy, which causes more anxiety, which causes more Depersonalization, and turning into a feedback loop with the anxiety that caused it. But no matter how long it has lasted, or what caused it, the feelings of Depersonalization and being cut off from reality, are still just a symptom of anxiety. And they can be switched off
once you stop the anxiety that's causing them. Number Nine, Feeling Like You're Not Real DP sufferers often complain
that they feel unreal, like a robot, watching
themselves go about their lives. As if their movements and
actions are not their own. You might also feel like
your arms, your legs, even your voice, are not your own. Like you're watching
somebody else use them. As I said, DP is your
brain's natural reaction to stress and trauma. You can feel separated from the world, and also from yourself. You might feel dreamy or woozy like you're watching
yourself in a video game. Again, this is just part of
your brain's natural defense mechanism, and it usually fades away once you're out of danger. But what if the feeling continues after the trigger situation and into your day-to-day life? Well, there's no danger around. There's nothing threatening you anymore. But you look at your
hands, you hear your voice, and you wonder why you feel
so distant from yourself. You start to think,
well, maybe I'm not real. Maybe my hands aren't mine. Or, I feel like a robot,
et cetera, et cetera. The anxiety then takes those thoughts to frightening conclusions
that you must be dreaming or dead, or still high
and you can't come down. But nothing could be
further from the truth. These feelings are a defense mechanism. Your brain is doing exactly
what it's supposed to be doing. It's just doing it at the wrong time! I know it's a strange feeling, but it's nothing to worry about, and has no bearing on your
actions in the real world. Will the Depersonalization ever cause you to do something that you don't want to do? Of course not. Your movements and your thoughts are still 100% your
own, and these feelings will fade away and stop as you recover. Number Eight, Fear Of Going Insane. DP sufferers often fear
that they're going crazy, or they worry that the symptoms
could become so intense that it could drive them insane, or have a psychotic break
or cause schizophrenia. When I first got Depersonalization, I was terrified that I'd caused
some sort of mental damage to myself, that I had
fried my brain somehow, and was now going crazy. But of course, that's completely wrong. Again, Depersonalization is your brain's defense mechanism; it cannot and will not make you go crazy. With DP, what's known
as your reality testing remains intact, meaning
that no matter how bad the anxiety and
Depersonalization symptoms get, you always know the difference between your thoughts and reality. This never changes. Even with the most intense
cases of anxiety and DP. Don't forget, what you're feeling is your brain's defense mechanism. And the simple fact is
that a defense mechanism is there to keep you safe. Worrying that DP is
going to drive you crazy is like worrying that the fire alarm is going to burn down your house. Not only will it not do that, it's actually there to protect you. So don't worry. Your brain is simply reacting properly to what it perceives to be danger. Depersonalization will not
turn to anything worse, and you're definitely not going crazy. Number seven, visual symptoms. Visual symptoms are
extremely common with DP. You might experience
tunnel vision, static, floaters, visual snow,
distorted and blurry vision, altered distance and size of objects. You might feel like you're
looking at the world from inside a fish bowl, or that everything is
flat and in 2D vision. When I first got
Depersonalization, I was convinced that there was something
very wrong with my vision, to the point where I actually went for multiple eye exams. But of course, the optometrist
couldn't find anything wrong. So, why was I so sure
that there was problem? Well, there's a very simple explanation. When your body is anxious, it naturally makes the eyes more sensitive to picking up movements. How is this done? By dilating the pupils
and letting more light in. When our ancient ancestors were
living in forests and caves, surrounded by danger,
the smallest movement in their peripheral
vision could have meant a lethal attack from a predator. The brain will react to this by staying in an anxious state, keeping the pupils wide open and alert for danger. When you have an anxiety-based condition like Depersonalization,
you experience this too! Your brain is on high alert for danger. It tells the visual cortex
to be on the lookout, which in turns tells the
pupils to stay dilated. This can make you feel like
there's way too much visual information coming in all at once, and your concentration
has to keep darting around to keep up with it. That's why being in
bright, colorful spaces like supermarkets can be
particularly difficult for people with DP. Your anxiety makes you
hyper-aware of your own vision. This overactivity in the visual cortex is why DP sufferers regularly report visual snow, floaters, tracers, et cetera. But it's just hyper-awareness. You're noticing things that are normal parts of human vision, but that you'd pay zero attention to were it not for anxiety and DP. Again, these are temporary symptoms. They will pass as you recover. And as my optometrist said to me, there's nothing wrong with your vision. Number Six, Distorted Perception Of Time. You might feel like
your perception of time has been changed. Like, time goes by too fast. Like you're in a time lapse. Like there are gaps and distortions, or that you're jumping
from one moment to another. Recent events can feel like they happened a long time ago and vice versa. This can feel very scary, but of course, there is no actual time distortion. Everything is exactly as it should be. All that's different is that the anxiety is affecting your concentration. You're so focused on the
anxiety and Depersonalization that the passage of time feels different. I'll give you an example. You know sometimes when
you're driving somewhere, you arrive at your destination, but you could hardly remember the trip? Well, that's because you were
concentrating on other things. Maybe you were focused on the road. Maybe you were day dreaming, listening to a podcast, whatever. Does that mean that the time is missing? Of course not. And with Depersonalization,
your concentration can be a bit all over the place and filled with racing thoughts. So of course, this is going to affect how fast or slow time feels to you. Again, this is extremely common with all anxiety-based conditions, but it's nothing to worry about. During my time with DP, I
had regular panic attacks, because I couldn't stop thinking
about the nature of time. Could it be distorted, et cetera? It was scary, but it
was totally pointless. Of course, time didn't change because I developed an anxiety condition. All that was affected
was my attention span and my concentration. When I recovered, everything
went back to normal. And it will for you too. Number Five, Memory Loss. I hear it from DP sufferers all the time. Things like, I keep
forgetting what I'm doing. Or, I forget what I'm saying mid-sentence. Or, it takes me so long to remember what I was doing yesterday. You might feel like
you're losing your memory, short term or long term, or
worry that you're developing Dementia or Alzheimer's. When I had DP, I experienced this myself, and it was very frightening. I would try to read a page of a book, and by the third paragraph,
I could hardly remember what had happened in the first paragraph. This scared me so much! If DP was affecting my short term memory, could it affect my
longterm memory as well? Was I developing some
horrific form of amnesia? It was terrifying. So, as someone who has recovered 100% from Depersonalization, and with the benefit of hindsight, does Depersonalization
actually cause memory loss? The answer is no. I had chronic, intense
Depersonalization for two years, and believe me, there
are no memories missing from that time. I can remember everything that happened. If there were missing memories, I certainly wouldn't have been able to write a book about it! Not just that, but if
anyone brought up an event from around that time,
there would certainly be lots of blank spots in my memory, and that's absolutely not the case. So, how is it possible that you have the
sensation of memory loss, but it's not actually happening? Well again, it's very simple. The anxiety is not affecting your memory. It's affecting your
concentration; that's all! It's well known that
anxiety temporarily affects your ability to concentrate
and stay focused. It can make you feel like
your mind has gone blank, and it makes it very
difficult to pay attention to the tasks at hand. That's why I forgot paragraph one by the time I got to paragraph three. But what's not doing is
affecting your memory. Depersonalization,
anxiety, and memory loss are not connected, so don't worry. Your memory's fine, and your concentration will get back to 100% as you recover. Number Four, Emotional Numbness. You might feel like
your emotions are numb. That you can't feel happy or sad, or you worry that you can't
feel anything anymore. This is a very common
complaint with DP sufferers, but again, it's a very simple explanation. Like I said before, DP is
like a temporary airbag between you and reality to keep you safe. So you might feel distant and cut off. And that, coupled with racing thoughts and difficulty concentrating, can make things feel worse. But there's nothing
wrong with your emotions. Your ability to experience
emotions hasn't been damaged. And I'll prove it to you. Are you worried that your
emotions and feelings are numb? Well guess what? Feeling worried that your
emotions are numb IS an emotion! If you didn't feel
anything, you wouldn't care about trying to recover. You wouldn't even be watching this video! It's very simple. All you're experiencing
are the temporary effects of anxiety and its symptoms. There's nothing wrong with your feelings. There's nothing wrong with your emotions. And once you recover, you'll
get completely back to normal. Number Three, Blank Mind. This is the feeling
that your mind is empty. That your thoughts are gone. Or that you can't put a thought together. This is extremely common
with DP sufferers. But again, it's nothing to
worry about, and here's why. Having a blank mind is often described as the feeling that you've
lost your inner monologue. But here's the thing. When does your inner monologue happen? When you're not thinking about it! If you're constantly checking to see if your inner monologue is there, you're constantly interrupting
your inner monologue! This can be scary at times, but
it's nothing to worry about. And it will fade away
and stop as you recover. It's perfectly natural for
anxiety to make you jump to scary conclusions about the condition. But just as it can't affect your memory, or stop your emotions, it can't make your mind go blank. There's nothing
cognitively wrong with you, and your brain is working just fine. And if you're thinking, but, I can't put a thought together. Well, guess what? You just put a thought together! Number Two, Existential Thoughts. One of the most disturbing aspects of Depersonalization is
the existential thoughts that come with it. I hear about these
scary, intrusive thoughts from DP sufferers all the time. Am I dead? Am I in purgatory? Am I going crazy? I feel like I'm not real. Existential thoughts about
things outside yourself are also very common. Like, looking at other
people and thinking, how do human beings exist? Looking at animals like dogs and cats and thinking, how are these
creatures even possible? Books and films with philosophical angles like The Matrix can freak you out. And scientific topics,
like say, Quantum Mechanics or the vastness of space, can suddenly seem terrifying. Back when I had Depersonalization, existential thoughts like
this were a constant part of my daily life. It was terrifying. But don't worry, because there's
a very simple explanation. So the experience of Depersonalization, even though it's perfectly
natural and it can't hurt you, it's really bizarre. The feelings of being
cut off from reality, like you're in a dream, etc, can be really strange and overwhelming. And in the middle of all this happening, your rational brain is desperately trying to find an explanation
as to what's causing it. This bizarre feeling must
have some huge significance. Maybe you died, maybe you're in a coma. You're dreaming and you can't wake up. It couldn't just be because
of one panic attack, or one bad drug experience, right? But, it is! That's literally how it happens! And it's so simple, but our brains have a tendency to want big
stories, big explanations. So it jumps to big, scary conclusions. This is called Catastrophizing. Combine racing thoughts,
another anxiety symptom, with this tendency to catastrophize, and desperately trying to make sense of the feelings of DP? Of course you're going to be jumping to all sorts of scary conclusions. And this can be particularly tough in the period between getting DP and actually figuring out what it is when you're frantically
looking for an explanation. But the good news is
they're just thoughts. They're temporary; they can't hurt you. And they will fade away
and stop as you recover. And Number One, Strange Fears. It's very common for people with DP to develop intense, strange
fears about specific things. I hear about these from
sufferers all the time. Fear of looking up at the sky. Fear of driving a car. Fear of mirrors. Fear of supermarkets and
malls, etc, etc. Back when I had Depersonalization, I developed a crippling fear of travel. Of cars, airports, planes. I genuinely thought that
I would never be able to go abroad again. And often, the scariest
thing about these thoughts is that they don't make any sense. You know that there's no reason
that you should be afraid of going outside, of looking
in a mirror, et cetera. But here's the good news. That's exactly why you don't
need to worry about them. Because what's the common denominator between all of these fears? It's just anxiety; that's all! Your brain is in fight or flight mode. It's like an alarm going off, and it keeps saying you're in danger. But of course, there's no danger around when you're in the bathroom
or at the supermarket, or driving, or wherever. And here's even more good news. You don't have to address
these fears one by one. All you have to do is address the anxiety that's causing them. Once you do that, all these strange fears, even the scariest ones, the ones you think you'll never get rid of, will disappear as if they
had never been there. And yes, I completely
overcame my fear of traveling, and have been to many places
around the world since. All these Depersonalization
symptoms can be tough to deal with, but just remember that there are simple
explanations for all of them. And essentially, they're
just caused by anxiety and they're part of your
brain's defense mechanism to protect you from danger. They're not permanent. They can't hurt you. And you can and will recover. Is there anything I've missed? What Depersonalization symptoms
have you been experiencing? Let me know in the comments section below. And one last thing. If you want tons more
information on Depersonalization recovery, check out my
website at dpmanual.com where you'll find
everything you need to know, including my complete guide to recovery, The Depersonalization Manual. Don't forget to subscribe
to my YouTube channel. And if you found this video helpful, please do like and share. Thanks so much for watching, guys. (upbeat music)
