Dead To Me: A Deconstruction Of Grief

[Music] so it's been a minute since i've talked about a show i actually like on this channel and i think it's about time to change that i kind of hit my threshold with gossip girl 2021 i just don't have the energy to hate things right now that show sucked all the fun out of it but it's okay because loving things is also great and boy do i like the show we're gonna talk about today yes friends i'm a couple years late but i finally sat down to watch the netflix original series dead to me and i [ __ ] loved it this show is awesome for many many reasons we're gonna talk about it a minute and it was kind of a surprise i honestly didn't think i would like it this much i went in completely blind on this one i didn't watch any trailers i had absolutely no idea what the show was even about the only thing i knew is that linda cardellini is in this show and that was more than enough for me to click play linda cardellini is [ __ ] amazing and i think that to me proves she's easily one of the most underrated actresses working today and honestly i'm of the opinion that not enough people talk about that to me it's kind of underrated it deserves way more love the show is weirdly unique it's super original and it has quite a beautiful story like it's not perfect we'll talk about that too but honestly it's one of those shows where the good outweighs the bad so much that it doesn't really matter and it doesn't really bother me i miss you just just wanted to say that okay fine he's trying a thing [ __ ] you too so that to me is the story of jen a real estate agent in california and mother of two who just lost her husband jeff in a tragic hit and run when we meet her she is still trying to come to terms with his death she's angry and in pain she's harassing the police to find who killed her husband and she's just desperately trying to keep her life together she's kind of lonely she doesn't really have friends and she doesn't like people all that much so she joins a grief support group to try and make sense of her new reality and that is where she meets judy a very strange woman who recently lost her fiance to a heart attack against all odds the two form a unique bond and they support each other through their grieving process for a moment it seems like life is getting brighter but things quickly take a darker turn when we realize that judy is not exactly who she says she is and her meeting jen at the group meeting was probably not the beautiful coincidence it appears to be on the surface because yes it turns out that judy is the person who killed jen's husband in the hit and run honestly dead to me is just so [ __ ] good it's kind of crazy it's one of those shows that perfectly walks the line between comedy and drama and it is great at both this show can get so dark and emotional in a way that feels very real and impactful and then a minute later it's just incredibly funny but it's never done in a way that's jarring it always feels totally natural this show also manages to capture some really complex human emotions which i always appreciate in a show there's a lot of subtext here the story has an extremely realistic take on grief and it perfectly showcases how it can affect someone that's going through it and it's all perfectly supported by the amazing characters because yes that is by far the greatest strength of dead to me as a show the character writing especially when it comes to the two leads jen and judy the relationship between jen and judy is essentially what the show is about it's the heart of the story and you feel really conflicted about it because the writers don't play mystery with you i know me telling you judy killed jen's husband sounds like a big spoiler but it's actually not like at all they don't do this thing where they keep the killer's identity a secret for the finale or anything no they tell you judy did it in episode one and that makes the dynamic between the two leads even more intriguing because we the audience know something jen doesn't so when you see these two getting closer and closer and building a more meaningful bond every episode and jen starting to open up to judy you can't help but feel a little freaked out their friendship is like really well written they love each other so much you want to root for them even though you know what judy did and you know what she's currently doing is [ __ ] horrible and manipulative and you know that eventually jen will find out so it's almost heartbreaking to look at them building such a deeply profound bond because in the back of your head you know it's a ticking time bomb and it is such an inventive way of creating tension in a show like this i wonder you couldn't sleep there's so much [ __ ] in here [Music] jen played by christina applegate who i believe is also an executive producer on the show along with will ferrell she's one of the more interesting characters i've seen on screen in recent years she's this sarcastic cold girl bossy impatient woman with little to no filter who essentially hates everyone and while a lot of shows will try to convince you that's just because she's a strong woman that to me is like not interested in that at all they make it very clear on several occasions that her attitude is not a show of strength she's strong in many many ways you definitely see that in the show but not because of her attitude jen is just an [ __ ] she's a really mean and unpleasant person it's said more than once that even the people who love her the most don't really enjoy being around her because she's just rude all the time that doesn't mean you can't sympathize with her on an emotional level because you do but that's just what the character is jen has pretty serious anger issues she kinda reminds me of fleabag's sister claire her default emotion is anger she is always irritated she's always angry and most of the time she doesn't even know why at first you kind of feel for her because she just lost her husband and she's trying to cope like of course she's gonna lash out it's very hard to hold it against her but later on in the show it's explained during an argument with another character that she's kind of always been like this the anger issues were present way before the passing of her husband and people around jen are just used to her being irritable and mean i have tried to be a good friend to you but it's not like your issue started the day ted died jen your anger is untenable and i don't know how to help you with it i just know i can't do this anymore everything frustrates her everyone frustrates her she's the type of person who will roll her eyes at you for saying hi to her i'm not kidding the show literally opens with her getting annoyed at her neighbor for bringing her food as a show of support after the passing of her husband i can't imagine what you're going through well it's like if jeff got hit by a car and died suddenly and violently like that all right well you get that dish back to me whenever you can that is the very first scene of the show i'm not joking jen but she's not heartless though like i know this sounds like she's the worst person ever but you do get attached to her as the show goes on because you kind of get to know jen when she is at her most vulnerable like you can acknowledge that she's an [ __ ] but you also understand why she is the way she is she's not an evil person she's just very flawed and she's also very proud so she doesn't always want to admit she's the problem in the situation and i don't know about you guys but i personally know people with legitimate anger issues and i've had conversation with them about that and i've come to learn how difficult it is for them to deal with on a daily basis like anger issues are no joke but jen is also capable of love she can feel compassion for people she can be a good friend and we see that in the show she also tries really hard to be a better person but sometimes her bad habits get the better of her in other words jen is a character that just feels very human her insecurities get the better of her as well she feels like she's in over her head she feels lonely and she feels like an inadequate mother because yes her kids are not immune from her anger issues when i tell you jen is an [ __ ] to everybody that includes her two boys there's even an episode where she finds out that her youngest kid is kind of afraid to talk to her and to tell her how he feels about things because he thinks if he does or says anything that is not what she wants she's just going to blow up at him so he's under an insane amount of stress what's going on what can i tell her you want him he doesn't want to do it it's too much for him but he's scared that you're going to be mad so but also in that same episode you see how far jen is ready to go and what she's willing to do to make her kids happy you see her going out of her way to exit her comfort zone just to see her son smile and it's really sweet and i like that her fundamental flaw is not here in vain i like that her anger issues are not just a personality trait given to her character just for the [ __ ] of it it actually has a real impact on the story i won't spoil it but there is a point in this show where jen does something very bad but at first we think she does that very bad thing because she was put in a position where she didn't have a choice and while we recognize that what she did is awful we can empathize with her because her back was against the wall but then like a couple of episodes later we find out that jen lied and didn't do the thing because she didn't have a choice she was fine she didn't need to do it at all but she chose to anyway she didn't do the bad thing because she had to she did it because she wanted to she did it because she was angry and then a major part of the story moving forward is about her dealing with the consequences of that action catching up to her and i think that's why jen is so interesting as a character you can tell she doesn't want to be like that you can tell she doesn't take pride in being this short-tempered [ __ ] nobody wants to be around like people just don't like her and realistically that's not a good feeling to know that everyone around you just dislikes you you see every single one of her attempts at being better but she just can't help herself and every time she lets that rage take over it always ends in a catastrophe and then she is left with guilt she refuses to deal with and it just gives her anger more and more power it's this vicious cycle she can't break out of the best example of that is in season 1 when we find out that the reason jen's husband was outside in the middle of the night when he was hit by a car and died is because he walked out of the house after a violent argument with jen who exploded at him because he didn't want to have sex with her you learn more things about this situation as the show goes but essentially the fight got so bad that her husband just decided to leave the house over being around jen for one more minute so he left while chance screamed at him to never come back he went on a long walk and was hit by a car and died so as a result jen project her guilt over that night unto the police officers were trying to find out who killed her husband in a hit and run and all of her rage is directed towards them because as long as they don't find the person she feels responsible for the death of her husband because if it hadn't been for her temper he would not have been outside the moment he was hit by a car anger leads to guilt leads to more anger and it always ends in catastrophe that's the cycle that night it just it got heated and and i hit him the last thing i did before he walked out that door now you add grief to that and you get quite a toxic cocktail and that's exactly why jen's arc is so [ __ ] compelling it's a very realistic take on grief and the roller coaster of emotions that comes with it she gets sad then angry then empty then she misses her husband then she hates him then she feels guilty for being mad at him then she feels like she's getting a hang of things but then something triggers her and she realizes she's still heartbroken and that rollercoaster at times doesn't make any sense because emotions felt on that level are not exactly logical it just kinda happens to you but jen is a [ __ ] warrior and despite her having zero control on her situation she refuses to let herself be defeated she's incredibly strong she's the type of person who always gets back up no matter what and if not for herself for her children in her head not coming out on top of it all is not even an option she doesn't think like that she knows things have to change but that to me is also a show that hammers in the point that real meaningful change takes time you can't just change in the flip of a switch and suddenly be a better person you have to work for that and it's gonna take time and jen is the perfect example of that she doesn't know what to do she doesn't know where to start she has no idea how to handle anything but she's determined to power through every single challenge because at the end of the day that's who she is if a butterfly flaps its wings in japan doesn't it cause a hurricane in florida i honestly don't know what you're talking about i've lost the threat but i'm the butterfly and look while jen is an amazing character with an awesome arc in my opinion she is completely outdone by judy i don't have a lot of words to describe how much i love judy i think when it comes to flawed characters she's very hard to be she's just so attaching and warm but she's also kind of a terrible person she doesn't intend to be though but she has a knack to dig her own grave with every decision she makes there's a line in the show that is often repeated it's kind of a catchphrase characters say wherever judy goes chaos follows and it's kind of true but also extremely accidental and that's why you feel so bad for her i think two of the more important traits to describe judy would be to say she's incredibly naive and impulsive and it systematically leads her to do bad things on accident in a way she's kind of like tony stark she's always trying to do the right thing but she always ends up doing it the wrong way just like jen judy has a vicious cycle she cannot escape she does a bad thing then she tries to fix it but it leads to more problems she panics and makes impulsive decisions that seem completely insane but because she's naive she's convinced it's gonna work it blows up in her face and before she knows it she is so wrapped up in a web of lies that she can barely function anymore sorry i hope this isn't weird can i give you a hug no okay for example early in the show it's explained that judy met jen on purpose because she was feeling extremely guilty over well you know killing her husband so she found out jen was going to this grief support group and she joined claiming to be grieving her fiance steve judy's goal here was to become jen's friend in order to become a support system in her life and help her because she believes that's how she can make up for what she did or at least a little bit it sounds outrageous said like that but like i said judy is very naive she really thought it was gonna work however halfway through the first episode jen finds out that steve judy's dead fiance is very much alive you're steve you're live hey jen um i can explain please call me back i'm so sorry please please please let me explain it turns out that he didn't die he just broke up with her and she's been stalking him ever since it's a real shock for jen because she realizes in a pretty horrific way that the only person she has managed to open up to since her husband died lied to her and was only pretending to be going through the same thing she feels betrayed and even more broken and she closes herself up again meaning judy has only made things worse she made the impulsive decision to go through that group meeting to meet her but she did not think it through at all and it blew up in her face so when jen confronts her about her lie judy kind of panics it's very complicated no it's not complicated her fiance is not dead okay i mean unless that was his ghost who answered the door last night because that that would be [ __ ] complicated but it's not complicated judy because he's not [ __ ] dead she's immediately put on the spot so she changes her story and admits that steve didn't die but she explains that he broke up with her because she can't have children this moment is brilliant because since you just met the character and you've just gotten the confirmation that she pulled a terrible lie like a minute ago it's actually impossible to tell if she's telling the truth or not here now we eventually find out that it's actually true steve did break up with judy because she couldn't have kids and kept having miscarriages but we also find out there is more to it and judy may have left a significant amount of information out of that story but i'll let you discover that on your own the point being from the very first episode the show kinda lets you know how judy functions every single one of her actions is driven by emotion she does not think before she acts most of the time she doesn't even know why she's doing the things she does and she keeps digging a hole for herself because she thinks her only way out of a lie is to lie more again wherever judy goes chaos follows but despite all of that and that's a testament to the character writing you just can't help but get attached to her because she's too sweet judy is really kind and generous and affectionate she lives to make people smile she's not a person that ever intends harm on people but she always finds herself in situations where people are harmed most likely because of her some of the most human moments in this show are about judy sometimes it'll be about something small and very mundane but she will just make it incredibly meaningful whatever how does anybody know if they like anybody i don't know i feel like you just like to be around them you want to be with them all the time and they make you feel safe and other times it'll be something big and life-shattering and she kind of reminds people what being human is like she's the emotional core of the story judy has such a big heart she genuinely tries to do the right thing all the time but she's also in over her head constantly and she has no [ __ ] idea what she's doing and i think that's why this duo is so incredibly effective in terms of dynamic jen and judy are like night and day they could not be more different under normal circumstances there's no way these two would ever like each other or be friends but they're both in desperate need of human connection and their bond kind of transcends everything else and the most powerful aspect of it is that by being around one another they learn they inspire each other to be better jen mainly inspires judy to stand up for herself more which is something that's very difficult for her to do judy has a tendency to let people walk all over her and she's such a people pleaser that she always takes it with a smile but with jen she kind of learns to value who she is and she learns that sometimes saying no to something or kind of fighting back is not a bad thing even if it's not always easy to do and jen essentially learns compassion and selflessness from judy which is an even stronger arc for her chen is not very considerate of other people she hates everybody and she does not care if she hurts people's feelings but through judy she learns the importance of the little thing she learns to appreciate them she learns to enjoy life a bit more and she learns to sometimes help people not because it brings her something but because it will make someone's day she learns that she doesn't have to be so serious all the time and she learns the importance of letting go as profoundly messed up as it is because it is literally built on a murder the friendship between jen and judy is [ __ ] beautiful like they nailed it there's just such a genuine element of affection between these two and it makes so much sense the longer it goes but again from the beginning you know this friendship is a ticking time bomb which makes it very stressful to watch every time the plot develops in a certain way you just get incredibly anxious about what that dynamic is going to turn into and the writers really manage to keep you on the edge of your seat about it but also they're just really funny i know i've been talking about the more serious aspects of the show but just to quickly remind you that to me is hilarious it is a comedy like this show has a sense of humor that just kills me and it's not afraid to go for the dark jokes which i like but even when it's not swinging for a killer joke just the interactions between the characters are [ __ ] hilarious they crack me up so hard do what do i owe the pleasure hello detective you look well your hair is different no it's not oh okay the other characters in the show are all great and the writers put a lot of effort into making them seem as human as possible what i mean by that is that even when a character is an absolute [ __ ] you cannot [ __ ] stand you still get to have moments where they're vulnerable and nice and you can still sympathize with them emotionally steve played by james marsden who by the way is a really underrated actor most people know him because he played cyclops in the x-men movies but like every time i see him in something he's always excellent anyways steve is kind of the third main character of the show he's judy's ex and he is a [ __ ] [ __ ] an absolute piece of [ __ ] and while the show is very aware of that it still makes a point of giving you moments with steve that make you understand why judy is so in love with him i just love characters that feel three-dimensional they all have layers there's also this character he's really cool but i can't say too much about him because spoilers the main detective of the show is also incredibly funny i love her i am such a sucker for dry humor and this actress kills it i was crying laughing at some of her scenes overall the character work in dead to me is incredibly strong it is by far the best element of the show and it really allowed me to look over some of the flaws in the story because it's just that effective and because yes despite all the praise i have to give to that to me the show does have its shortcomings first of all while the plot is thrilling it does rely on a lot of conveniences to function season one is pretty smooth though you barely notice it like the pacing is so solid that it just flies by you it's nothing outrageous however season two is where the cracks really start to show and that's actually my biggest issue with the show as a whole season two season two of that to me while still really enjoyable and fun is a significant downgrade from season one it's all plot related i think the character work is still incredibly strong in season two but the story kind of gets a little dumb season one is very grounded in its own sense of reality there are some conveniences here and there but nothing that seems particularly unrealistic but season 2 kind of falls into a ridiculous territory the plot conveniences almost become funny after a while there are a few episodes where i was like well that's one coincidence too many isn't it like the show is suddenly asking you to suspend this belief way more than you were initially supposed to people do things that seem kind of impossible or they get away with doing certain things way too easily and it all feels way too convenient there are also some choices that were made with certain characters that i did not vibe with some characters are changed in a way that feels off and i'm also thinking of a new character that is introduced that kind of made me roll my eye however i do not want you to write off season 2 completely and in my opinion the people who say season 2 flat out sucks are completely wrong make no mistake season 2 has its moments and those moments are [ __ ] amazing despite the fact that it is a significant downgrade from season 1 as an ensemble season two does have some of the best moments in the entire show judy has by far her most impactful and emotional scene in season two and it is so [ __ ] heartbreaking i don't really cry when i watch movies or tv i don't know i'm just not that type of person but i have no problem admitting this scene made me tear up i don't want to say what it is again for the sake of spoilers i think you should experience that on your own but all i will say is that it's a scene that takes place in a bar and judy kind of talks about things she had never really said out loud before more specifically there's something that she wanted to do for someone but she didn't get to do it and now it's too late and her heart is just completely shattered i was speechless in front of this scene and oh my god linda cardellini's acting in it is out of this world this woman is a [ __ ] gif she is so incredibly good she deserves all the praise she gets for this role and this scene alone is proof of that she's already stealing the show in season one but somehow she gets to shine even more in season two no joke when i first saw this scene my first reaction was to hit pause hit rewind and watch it again like three times it is that good and i should probably point out that christina applegate is also really [ __ ] good as jen like it's kind of crazy they are both incredible i swear these two [ __ ] brought it with their performances on this show they're so good there isn't a single episode where they're not absolutely killing it especially when they interact with each other i'm specifically thinking of a scene in the season one finale where jen and judy are alone in a room and they have an unexpected confrontation and they are just acting the [ __ ] out of it they're just acting at each other the whole time these two were just born to play these roles i love them they're [ __ ] queens give them the infinity stones season two also has one of the most unexpected twists i have seen in quite a while i'm not kidding i did not see it coming at all and the way it's executed is so clever because when it happens you immediately understand that a character in particular is completely [ __ ] and i was so shocked when i first saw it like it hit me so hard that the only reaction i had was a very long and very nervous laugh i am such a sucker for clever twists and this one made me feel oh so satisfied the whole sequence happens in one very long shot and you start feeling like something is about to happen but you can't really figure out what and then it happens and you just die inside when you understand the implications of that reveal i love [ __ ] like that so yeah season two of that to me is not as good as season one admittedly and when you're binging the show you do feel the pretty sharp contrast but it's still a fun ride with some really really powerful moments and the character writing and the performances are still at an absolute apex and i'm extremely glad because if you know me you know i value stories that are allowed to end and not continue forever just for the sake of making money and it has been confirmed by liz feldman the creator of that to me that the show will be coming back for a third and final season i believe they're shooting season three right now they had issues with covet and production had to shut down i think but if everything goes as planned i'm pretty sure the final season should be out this year and i for one cannot wait to know how it ends all in all that to me was a very welcome surprise for me and i highly recommend you guys check it out if you haven't already it's not all that popular which is kind of surprising to me but i think it deserves way more attention it's a show that strikes a perfect balance between comedy and drama it's insanely funny intelligent and thrilling it manages to capture some seriously complex human emotions with some incredibly well written characters and it's just such a fun ride man there's a lot to enjoy about it and also there is so much more to say about this show but i tried my best to stay away from big spoilers because i don't want to ruin it for you guys if you haven't seen it yet so i didn't get to say everything i would have liked to say but trust me it's a good show go watch it now somebody please get linda cardellini her own movie franchise she's the only one who can save hollywood at this point she's the chosen one she's a queen i love her okay never remake harry potter i agree yeah expand the universe cool never remake it they'll probably make it eventually that you were going to get a series they'll do they'll redo it probably yeah but my my ultimate answer if hollywood hollywood look at me if you dare to ever remake back to the future oh no i think they i think that's on the docket no no no no no no no [Music] foreign [Music]

Channel: Friendly Space Ninja

Views: 216,433

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Id: qTUlNCqatfY

Length: 31min 41sec (1901 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 06 2022