Days Of Desperate Debra | Everybody Loves Raymond

no I'm packing up your mother's stuff can't cook should have tried what are you talking about I saw the recipe what yes Ray I snuck over there I saw the Hat Box I found the recipe and they're exactly the same you went over there yes tonight yes yes and now I know that I can't cook so I'm giving up cuz I don't have the love you you snuck over there you went through her things I got to tell you something okay say what you want about my mother oh your mother yeah my mother my mother came over here and she spent the whole day showing you how to make the meatballs okay that's my mother huh Deborah R what is this what this bottle of Basil that your mother gave me has another label underneath it's a rag on Teragon oh that's that's your weird taste uhuh that's not in the recipe is it no uhhuh okay R okay that's your mother I don't get it you still think she's trying to help me H listen why would she go to all that trouble isn't it easier to leave out an ingredient for an amateur my God this even looks like basil look at the label it fits perfectly on here my gut but you know this is the work of an evil genius don't get it I don't get it you know what I don't get I don't get that you couldn't see my side of this you're so busy Defending Your saint of a mother that you make me out to be some kind of ungrateful nutcase well who's the nutcase now Ray who's the nutcase now you know I bought those Coates from Frank's friend Leon he said it was a deal that crook he sold me paper coats make it to the F oh I should never listen to Frank buy from Leon he said Leon has quality merchandise what he doesn't say is that Leon wants to kill my grandchildren where's the ketchup in this house oh my God what are you doing here looking for ketchup that's what you worried about it's your fault that Deborah and the kids are sick what your friend Leon with his cheap coats those coats were very expensive he made everyone sick please my head how about those $9 slacks you love the color they ripped the first day they didn't read the thing you're not supposed to sit in them they not sit that slacks please you are actually killing me you see what you're doing now Shh go go go go please she needs her rest she should be up and moving around she should walk it off you don't know what you're talking about you and your cheap coats I know what sick people need they need rest and peace and quiet all right I know where the ketchup is upper left refrigerator door upper left that's all I needed to know feel better sweetheart ketchup no no no no no no [Music] no no no no Deborah you had to tell your mother that you're the smarter one she's my mother if I can't tell her who can I tell you told Linda I know I didn't know absolutely not I would never tell Linda well then you told Bernie well who knew he talked to his wife you know what I have been holding this in all day there is no way that you are smarter than me smarter than [Music] I all right what's the name of the 18th century poet who wrote A Modest Proposal huh huh oh yeah what's the name of The Twilight Zone where the astronauts meet the giant lady please who's the first woman to win a Nobel Prize how much does Mickey Rooney weigh on the [Laughter] moon what's a petaphor what's a wedgie when you first met me was my hair long or short well I know one thing for sure it was blonde oh that wasn't you yeah but I broke up with her then to go out with you I'll just sleep on the couch just hurts my feelings Marie because I I told you I brought that canister back and if you don't believe me then there's nothing I can do oh wait honey honey wait wait you're right I'm sorry I don't want this I mean a holiday is a time for family I love that kind of but I certainly don't want you feeling like this I want us to have a wonderful Easter okay oh I'm sorry Deborah thank you Mari well I should go as a pig eating my ham W the Marie Baron apology until today I had only heard about it and to you oh there your East a miracle no you you know what no I give her a lot of credit cuz that was hard for her to do but she did it and she meant it huh you know I think yeah think I finally got through to her I mean now she sees she's not always right is this what grandma was looking for oh my [Applause] [Music] God Ellie where did you get that you gave it to me oh my God what did you do wait wait wait wait a minute I didn't give this to you when did I give this to you I asked if I could keep my crayons in here and you said yes oh my God I do not remember that uh honey I'll take that thanks for bringing this back great job yeah that was so great hey look here's the chocolate eggs for tomorrow you go and eat as many as you want I could have sworn I gave that back to your mother I mean I don't know what happened Well here here's what probably happened is that uh you know I'm doing a million things and the kids are always at you and they're asking you for stuff and you know Ally probably came up to me and and asked me for something and I didn't really hear you know and as long as I don't hear the word gun or knife I just said yeah so yeah you know that that that that's probably what happened I'm positive because uh you know I'm doing like a million things and uh you know I got to do everything here myself and if you would pitch it a little bit more right oh no no no no don't look at me this is what drowning people do they put you right down with them well I'm screwed all right you know what's really bad she apolog oliz to you even though she knew she was right oh shut up why do you come over here to State the obvious is that what you're here for I must say Deborah this is not your most attractive side what do I do what do I do well you got to return it now are you out of your mind do you know what she will put me through if I have to bring this thing back over to her you know what she's like look there's a way to fix this you just return this to her with your heart in [Laughter] it okay you listen to me I got an apology okay do you have any idea what that means she apologized to me okay the whole balance of power shifted there's a beautiful 15 seconds you know what we got to get rid of this no no no no no you can't do that this was my grandma's you know how many cookies I've had from this thing and lemon squares brownies blondies fudge chocolate biscotti macaroons oh the macaroons how about the Ginger Snaps Hey fat people who cares he there's a big black car parked in your driveway yeah yeah you know de's got some company all right so you know who drives big black cars the feds it's my car I'm here to see Deborah oh wait a minute say something else hello I'm Dr Nora oh that voice are you Dr Nora that's me I can't tell you what a huge fan I am of yours you taught me to express myself thanks a bunch lady these are the kind of parents I keep you in business we live right across the street really how you fixed for pie Ray I take it the boundaries are rather informal oh they're rather invisible oh you and I have a lot in common all right M Dr n's got time to write you one quick prescription then you got to go okay oh I am so glad that Deborah is seeing someone you know I mean just between us what's wrong with her so you're a radio doctor huh uh-huh you wouldn't think you'd have to be on the radio with that figure right it's a compliment yeah he used to write for Hallmark who still don't know how to behave do you hey leave me alone I'm talking you're not talking you're embarrassing you always do that to me like with Leon stand in the restaurant don't you know what I'm not listening any you start out how do you like it oh Frank shut up shut up shut up Frank shut up shut up shut up stop it mom look company right come here Dr Norah is here to talk to me not to Peaches and Herb I know I know all right don't I'm going to I'm going to get rid of them don't call my mother herb oh Robert I want you to meet Dr Nora the famous psychologist from the radio hello is this about me um actually it's it's not about any of you Dr Norah is here to talk to me so thanks for visiting oh deorah I would love if they would stay I think they'd add an interesting Dimension to the piece hey chip you hear that we're interesting and your husband is very funny she's going to quote me well you know actually that's why I married him Dr Nora for his sense of humor you see um we met when I was doing PR for a hockey team and I know what you're going to say oh a woman in hockey but actually um it wasn't as um well but I'm not sure if that's the uh kind of information that you're looking for would you like me to get right to our sex life excuse me are you very nervous right now or do you do that all the time do [Laughter] [Applause] [Music] what hey H all right I'm no expert in body language but stop yelling Dr Nora was supposed to be here for me not your family and by the end she didn't even know I was in the room oh sure she did who' you think was bringing her all that pie of course she was interested in them some shing's got to go to 40 institutions to find all the action she found in that room for yeah she's pretty interested in you too huh and me little bit I think she was very impressed with my weekly underwear schedule 8 years 8 years you made fun of me come on Dr Nora thought I was boring look you're not boring you're normal all right that's good growing up in my family I prayed for normal every night then I'd fall asleep to the sound of my brother naming his toes I got it I got it six foot hero six foot hero he goes with the chips that's good good you get the chip sandwich we get some ice cream yeah yeah who can't do this of course you see who whoa whoa wait a minute six foot hero now that's a lot of food I mean who do we invite all right you got to figure a foot a person right okay can uh invite my girlfriend Amy couple guys from the station I can get Kevin and and stop stop stop just stop this is your idea of a party and you hear six foot hero here Stan Lee Albert Lucy what what what's this this is a real guest list for a party Le and Stan that's to party this is not for you this is for your parents you invite their friends and you're not having a hero sandwich it's not a Super Bowl party not with Le and Stan it's not all right you know what we're going to do we're going to make it a surprise party we'll have a nice Buffet some crud pasta salad well I have to now because I can't let this chip Fest happen are you sleeping with Andy cuz you can do better that's funny yeah hey what smells good oh I made Bol again you know cuz you liked it so much yes I do all the colors in the rainbow oh that smells good Deborah made something good R really likes it yeah [Music] you ain't got to make nothing else but that [Music] brao I could eat this stuff until I lose [Music] control here's a little sauce for your road kill [Applause] [Applause] you could have just said please don't sing [Music] food here is good I might have a comment about the service was that what you do at work you make fun of me all day what no no is that what Andy said oh why the hell would he say that I don't know but he actually loved my bro what I love your bro come on it's the best thing you ever made oh baloney how come you told everybody it was roog kill that's a joke oh no it's not of course it is I was just kidding come on you see how much I love [Laughter] it I could use a towel hello [Applause] [Laughter] [Applause] de what is it Frank nothing dear I I I was just wondering if there was any of your delicious Bou left oh oh These are for you oh Dad not now please all right hey you got a little spot there yeah I'm telling you Deborah that stuff you made is so so great I I I woke up thinking about it is uh anybody eating this no Frank you know what you can have it at least someone appreciates it hey I appreciate thank you for the flowers Frank anyone who can make Bou like this deserves a whole Hillside full of heavenly scented maragold and [Music] daffodil hey M hi dear Hello darling can the kids watch a video over here oh certainly why your VCR is not working no no it's working I just thought we could come over here and you know hang oh how wonderful go on come on go watch your videos Frank the kids are here Buckle Your [Laughter] Pants where's Deborah nowhere she's home oh yeah she just wanted some time to herself time to herself yeah have you got pudding snacks what does that mean time to herself she just wants time to I don't know be alone relax be alone without you without everybody I don't like this what the hell is wrong with those kids they're always sticky deorah wants time away from Rayman it's an afternoon ma it's no big deal oh but it is Raymond dear a marriage is about being together about [Laughter] closeness she's right what it is about closeness about how much closeness you can take about how close you can get to killing her before you kill yourself I did it around the block in 37 minutes he beat your record Marie what am I rushing back to Raymond you need to go home and put a stop to Deborah's Behavior it's not right look it's an afternoon it's nothing all right she just wants time to be alone yeah when I was married to Joanne she wanted time alone she used it to pack up and move out Ron whatever happens you and I are keeping the children oh all right will you stop check a credit card statement look for the word youha she she's probably over there just doing girl stuff what kind of girl stuff I don't know I don't know bubble bath trying on outfits walking around with a book on her head whatever helps you sleep at night peaches hey look I don't care what you think all right you don't have the facts Deborah has a [Applause] [Laughter] mustache [Laughter] do you mean a lover no no no Mom could you please never say the word lover I mean she's got a a lip forestation you know fuzz thing that's all she just needs time for that kind of Maintenance hey I don't want to alarm you son but even if she had a big woolly Lumberjack beard she wouldn't need a whole afternoon Raymond there's something going on all right I don't care what she's doing over there all right I gave her some time alone and whatever she's doing it's all right with me all right I I totally understand so let's just drop it it's eating you up alive isn't it kid no no it isn't where you going I'm going outside all right huh or do you think you're the king of where I go cuz you're not okay nobody is very good Robin team effort [Applause] [Music] [Applause] I have never been more attracted Ed to you in my entire [Applause] life want to [Applause] try your first time I envy [Applause] you hello de hi Marie I was passing by my window and I couldn't help seeing into your window and I noticed you bought a new vacuum it's amazing what this thing picks up Marie and no bags no bags I am so glad this worked out what do you mean well when the sales lady called me and told me she had the greatest cleaning Innovation since the broom I immediately thought of you you sent her over here of course did not know that well you two enjoy it I would never want to interfere with housework now might be a good time to tell you about the free eucalyptus room freshener take your shoes off I just vacuumed up [Music] there hi Marie hello dear am I interrupting anything no no I'm just letting Frank's pants out again it's in God's hands now um you know Marie something was bothering me and I just wanted to ask you about it of course dear what is it well um you know this afternoon when you said that the sales lady told you that she had this great new cleaning device you immediately thought of me why was [Applause] that no really Marie why is this a trick question uh no it it just seems like you're always implying that I don't keep a clean house well now you have a little help but you didn't feel the need to buy a humac well that machine is for people but it's like if you have a bad leg then you need [Applause] crunches and your legs are fine so there's no dirt in this house not since I've lived here really thank you okay you brought your new vacuum here do you need me to show you how to use it it's plastic it's plastic even our dirt's not dirt you know what it is it's this stupid vacuum cleaner I told them no no no no no no no no no stop it hey what with Anna yelling I don't think Deborah could find any dirt okay all right there's no dirt here you win but I am sick of you making me feel like a bad person because I don't keep my house exactly the way you do a clean house is not the most important thing in the world you know who says that messy person all right as hard as this is for you to believe Marie I do like to keep a neat house I'm just not going to spend and every spare minute cleaning it there are no spare minutes you have a family to care for that's what you do yes I do I care for my family I spend my time enjoying them not sterilizing them are you saying I don't love my family no that's because there's nothing in the world that I love more than my family easy are you referring to the suitcase that you haven't moved in 3 weeks is that the suitcase to which you are referring why couldn't you move it why couldn't you move it all right you are not going to the airport with a grocery bag take the suitcase you know what I don't need it okay you know what w yeah good good real mature I don't care I don't care thanks to the good people at wall bombs I got a complete set of luggage right [Laughter] here the luggage I need right here waterproof beautiful luggage right here is all the luggage [Laughter] see you in a couple days [Applause] [Music] hi hey hi what are you doing home well I decided to come home early oh yeah you know I had some time to kill I got to Chicago so I went to get a slice of pizza you know they got the deep dish pizza and the cheese is so good and I I got to thinking [Laughter] jeez I love it and yet I used it as a weapon well I'm glad you're home me too I'm sorry things got so nuts yeah me too are the kids home yet no not for another hour oh cuz I was thinking we didn't get to have our regular going away action before I left gee tough break well I've read that coming home action can also be rather Pleasant yeah but you were only gone for a couple of days oh but we did just make up yes yeah we did we did make up so we could have makeup action because we made up we made up so freaking much hey hey hey you want to get that what do you mean well I mean that's why you came home right so you could get it well yeah but I you know I thought since since you know I came all the way from Chicago that you would be the ones who okay ray you know what I'm getting it what's that supposed to mean it means I'll get it I'll be the one who got it oh no no no no no I will get it let the record show that I got it you let go let go go go let go I'm taking it no you don't no you don't no I'm moving it I don't I'm the one moving it everybody look at me it doesn't matter who's holding it it matters who's moving it you think you're going to hold it over me wait a second what happened a the jackass fruit guy accused me of stealing friend please they're homosexuals [Applause] [Laughter] oh the guy the guy works in the fruit Department the fat one Jimmy oh I love him he's the one who gets me the good peaches what were you stealing nothing I just took a little of the snacking BX out of the thing oh well that's not stealing technically Mom it is theft petty theft unless you ate more than $100 worth did you no I didn't officer doofus besides I paid for it well you you threw a quarter at the guy tossed Frank is this really the way you want to behave in front of your granddaughter you know debah far be it for me to ever take his side but I do think it's horrible what's happened to that store they used to give your samples all the time and they also used to help you take your bags to the car now I have to take you to the car [Laughter] [Applause] myself I was on your side Frank stealing is only a part of this why did you have to lose your temper and then yell at the guy he was yelling at me but there's other ways to handle the situation hey you you weren't there the guy had it coming but not with your granddaughter watching it could affect her I still twitch your toll [Laughter] booths you know what I'm glad Ally saw that she's got to learn you can't take crap from people Frank have you ever heard the saying it takes a village to raise a child I believe that and I believe that you're a part of our village we we're just trying to teach him proper values listen I don't know what the hell Village you're talking about but I live in Real World USA so you can spare me your lecture all right you listen to me come come with me something has to be done he's a public menace I know I know I think our village found its [Laughter] idiot why didn't you let me kill him well that would be very nice dear but the truth is this all could have been avoided if Raymond had handled him better in the supermarket what he was an animal yes and you let him off his leash if you take a dog to a supermarket and he has an accident in the frozen food aisle is it the dog's fault did Dad ever do that I'm saying you know how your father is and there are ways to prevent this kind of scene first of all I try to be with him if he's ever going to be anywhere there might be people but but Ray was with him what was he supposed to do before you even got to the snack section you should have had a Hershey bar or a Zagnut here in your pocket that's true he resp funds the treats do you know why this kind of thing doesn't happen when I'm around because I compensate he's horrible and I have a [Applause] certain well that's great Marie so you want to be with him all the time then uh no well somebody needs to straighten him out no no leave him he'll watch television then I'll take him home home make some canalone he'll burp and he'll feel better you're an enabler you actually rewarding his horrible Behavior with Italian food that's exactly how the mafia [Laughter] [Applause] works well I'm going to speak to him put some candy in your pocket no no no no knock knock joks right now we're going upstairs Ain Jeffrey say a Marie please stop stop we are not telling knock knock jokes right now we are going upstairs for our baths all right thank [Laughter] you well cuz I think it's mine okay fine go ahead no no not go ahead like you're giving it to me because I think it really is mine you know [Applause] what I don't care get give [Applause] me come on [Laughter] Deborah Deborah may I talk to you sure Marie what happened the other day has really weighed on me and I did some serious thinking so Deborah I was wrong please forgive me oh wow Marie thank you but oh you don't have to apologize I'm fine really no no no Deborah I want to first of all I'm sorry I came over when I did I should know by now by late afternoon you've lost complete control of the K and then I brought company which must have embarrassed you since obviously you hadn't tied up so I understand why you felt the need to snap at me so for all that I'm sorry all right so she's talking again well she can do whatever she wants because I'm done talking to her this is what I get for trying to be nice can you two just start talking already come on it's Mother's Day can't one of you two mothers just say [Laughter] something come Dad please can you help me out here what are you kidding me maybe Deborah will come around at some point but we'll never get anything out of old Sitting Bull over there never please come on all right just just do it for me great great great you see you see here's the problem okay you you you think it's just hard well I'm going to say it we all know that if if my wife wasn't so snippy all the time yes I said snippy none of this would have happened you'd be snippy too if this one went yammering at you all day long you got nothing to complain about hey how do you know what I've been going through over here okay I actually have to live with her all right so don't don't start with me because you don't know what the hell you're talking about wow [Laughter] let me ask you something pal what have you had a tough week well I've been living with your mother since before you were born never wouldn't let the twins tell a knock knock joke she's right knock knock joke stink but that's not the point mom came over with her friends to show how cute the twins are telling a knock-knock joke and de couldn't even give it that little bit of Joy well who the hell is Marie to come bodging in demanding Joy when Deborah's WR Ling with the damn kids she didn't have to be so rude rude is the only thing that gets through to her how do you think I got the way I am I used to be a [Applause] gentleman Ray your car is blocking me so if you so I'll just take your car okay if that's okay yeah okay well boys I have to get back I've got a lot of treats to make with which will be delicious you know Ray as long as I'm taking your C do you want me to gas it up for you oh yeah if you don't mind no no it would be fun Frank I I'm going to make Cal only tonight sounds okay oh actually no I instead of canalone I'll make some lamb a whole lamb yeah with that Min jelly I like of course whatever you want [Laughter] honey oh come on so R uh what if I bring home a pizza for dinner oh and maybe a nice bottle of wine oh Marie no [Applause] wine Frank you rascal okay well I'll see you sweetie bye Frank bye Robert okay bye bye I love you fellas bye oh man we got to get these two hint together more ofen I know I know I'll bet I can get a a week of golf at Myrtle Beach I might be able to get Marie Up on the Roof to clean the [Laughter] gutters you too playing your wies against each other you're despicable calm down Dy duck yeah what we tried to get him to stop fighting if they want to keep it up why should we have to suffer there's a difference between not suffering and exploiting the situation you should be supporting your wives bringing them together this is not the way for a family to behave you know while Marie's Up on the Roof I'll have her install a satellite [Music] dish hey moonshine well here she is a little more expensive than I thought but uh it'll be worth it you know if I ever go on a I don't know golf Retreat or something yeah that's nice let me ask you something Ray how long did you think you'd be able to use me and your mom how's that you didn't think I was smart enough to see what you were doing I don't what what are you talking about don't play dumb with me I'm not this is how I am you know you're not exactly subtle sitting there like some Roman Emperor bring me my pizza serve me my wine pretend you're a lonely nurse you know what the guys at the lodge were just telling me apparently if you install it yourself a satellite dish is actually quite affordable makes you think doesn't it anyway make me a sandwich will you you want a sandwich uh roast beef Mayo mustard lettuce tomato cheese easy onion so sounds nice what kind of bread let's go with the whole wheat today shall we all right ow Hey Hey ow okay white bread then you didn't think I'd catch on to you Mr sleazy man oh I caught on oh did I catch on sure getting the two of us to wait on your hand and foot to exploiting the situation I wish this bread was stale I would give you a concussion Eileen you have no idea what I have to put up with when I got married I didn't just get a husband I got a whole freak show that set up their tent right across the street [Applause] and that that would be fine if they stayed there but every day every day they dump a truckload of their insane family Dre into my lap how would you like to sit through two people in their 60s fighting over who invented the lawn the lawn and then the brother I live in an apartment I don't even have a lawn Raymond has a lawn but you can't blame him when you see who the mother is she has this kind of sick hold on the both of them and the father's about as disgusting a creature as God has ever dropped on this planet so no wonder the kid writes stories I should be writing stories my life is a Gothic novel and until you have lived in that house with all of them in there with you day after day week after week year after fraking year you are in no position to judge me where are you jail you are not seriously where are you oh my god well what what' you do okay all right okay all right I'll I'll be right there wait wait Deb I I couldn't find my brown belt today do you know where it is all right I'm [Music] coming my my husband is coming to pick me up so I can just wait out front get in I wasn't driving the car how could it be a DUI if there's no D and all right fine fine but when the truth comes out this is going to be so embarrassing for you fine fine you know what I don't care I've got three kids at home I'm just happy to be out of the house hello so this is jail huh yeah well you know not too bad nice folks place to lie down toilet right in the middle of the room is my husband here yet hello can I have you come on I just want to D you what kind of a place is this fine I'm an animal now are you happy I don't want to go in [Laughter] there oh thank God you're here are you okay yeah I guess so so how was Amy shower get me out of here were you really driving drunk I was not driving drunk I had a few drinks and I fell asleep and there's some law that says if the key is in the ignition and you're behind the wheel it doesn't matter if you're going or not they just take you to jail and where the hell were you I called you from the car I took the kids to get pizza and then we started playing Pac-Man and they wouldn't let me leave until I got the the highest score and I did I beat it by a lot I left you a message why didn't you check the messages because they're always for you from now on check the messages okay okay now that I know you could be in jail I will you know whose fault this really is your mother's she so mad at that shower I started drinking and here I am oh my God she is so listen she could never know about this oh my God you told her I was in jail a little what is wrong with you [Laughter] guard just get me out of here all right relax I'll take care of it oh and Deborah I want you to know that while you were in here I never thought of anyone [Applause] else what I'll do is I'll put in a couple more hours and then I'll punch [Applause] out hi Robert oh my God she finally killed [Applause] Mom oh thank God are you all right yeah I I'm fine Maria I'm just a little tired oh well I just want you to know that in this family whatever our differences we stand together no matter what you've done no matter how much shame you brought upon us what did you do you know nothing it was just a minor traffic misunderstanding Thank God what did she do nothing she just she took a nap in the car so I don't understand why were they arrested for that were you naked [Music]

Channel: Everybody Loves Raymond

Views: 179,840

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Id: rwnD4rFD64Q

Length: 54min 59sec (3299 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 06 2024