Daughter's Fiance Steals My Car & Ends Up In Jail But Now She's Mad I'm Not Paying Off Their Wedding

i'm a single dad of two girls megan 23 and zoe nearly adult i'm doing well financially no i'm not rich i raised my girls under tough circumstances but i made sure they'd have everything they needed megan is engaged they've been saving for the wedding for months now they're struggling i got meg in a car when she was 18 that she hasn't been able to fix because of rent saving for the wedding daily expenses etc i understand that cheap cars require constant maintenance but it was a great gift especially since she wanted to be independent zoe's birthday is next month i got her a hyundai that cost me five thousand dollars it runs perfectly this is the first car zoe owns she has no experience in driving so i wanted to get a car with fewer issues zoe likes it and can't wait to drive it the key will be handed to her on her 18th birthday it's been in the garage for two months now it sure needs cleaning and will be as good as new days ago megan's fiance started complaining about needing a car since megan's car can no longer run he said that he was tired of using public transportation to go places like the hospital and school and said that they're broke because public transportation is expensive he asked if he could borrow hyundai we have in the garage but i told him no that is a gift and cannot be given to anybody i offered to lend him 100 but he refused saying he would never take money from me two days ago i returned from work zoe was looking upset and worried i asked what was going on and she told me megan's fiance came and took the car the hyundai i asked her when and she said at 10 am so he was gone for almost 10 hours she told me he found the keys in my office and got the car out of the garage she told him not to but he took it i was mad i called him he didn't answer i called megan she was out with friends i told her her fiance took her sister's car and wasn't answering his phone i told her he should never have touched it and i'd call one more time then go to the police she said i was overreacting and he'll return it later i got fed up by 7 pm i called the police and reported the car stolen he got picked up at nine and was taken to the station megan came home yelling at me telling me that i just caused her fiance to spend a night in jail and that they already took permission from zoe but zoe denied it i argued with her that i already told him no doesn't matter if they took permission i'm the one who is responsible for the car it's not zoe's yet i talked to the officers and he got released in the morning megan didn't stop calling me an idiot saying i overreacted completely ignoring that this is her sister's gift he took he wants an apology for me but i refuse to have them come to my house after this i could tell zoey felt worried and upset and clearly couldn't deal with megan's fiance's behavior as a parent i had to do something even if this upsets megan according to megan that was an overreaction and she said that i was in the wrong i'm not sure how she thinks what he did was okay you are not wrong he ignored your words went into your home went into your office took the keys ignored your daughter and stole the car from your garage he then took it for the entire day and didn't respond to your calls you had every right to call the cops don't let them try to pretend like you're wrong here you are not the idiot it is your property until you hand it to your daughter and then it is still technically partially yours if you've denied it he had no right to take the vehicle it sucks to be an adult sometimes and learn consequences to actions i think you did the right thing and took justified action you even told your daughter what you would do if you couldn't get a hold of him she was trying to call you on your bluff when you weren't bluffing you are not wrong weird how they can't afford to get her car fixed but has money to go out with your next step should be filing eviction papers to get the thief out of your house also if the fiance thinks owning a car is cheaper than public transport he's completely clueless too they say they're saving for the wedding megan doesn't work her fiance salary isn't much between rent bills savings etc i did offer to fix their car but they kept saying there's no use the reason the older daughter's car doesn't work is because she and her fiance can't afford to repair it they can't afford to repair it because they are saving for a wedding bad priorities you are not the idiot and op i think you should have a serious conversation with your daughter about her and her fiance's behavior there is no possible way i would tolerate interacting with him in any way nor her yelling if anything she should have been apologetic for her fiance stupidity the gumption to do that and then react that way about the consequences is baffling to me due to a bunch of soap opera level nonsense i 26 female am raising two babies a boy and a girl born within two months of each other only one of them is biologically mine my ex-husband is the father of both he stuck around long enough to give me custody before he disappeared to be irresponsible somewhere else the babies are six and eight months old despite the nonsense mentioned above i love them both with all my heart however taking care of two kids alone is going about as well as you'd expect i'm tired i'm stressed and despite being on maternity leave until the new year i'm still getting emails texts from co-workers asking me questions plus i had to move to a new place four months ago with two newborns in tow again entirely alone because i didn't want to break isolation anyway christmas is coming up and it's my turn to host this year i was very hesitant at first and even refused but they convinced me with some conditions it's just my parents and my brother and that's it no plus one no extended family everyone is taking precautions which began at the start of this month and if they so much as sniffle i reserve the right to kick them out christmas day be lost mom came over today to bring me some items for christmas nothing ridiculous just a tablecloth some of the food that we'll keep for a week and some candles she told me she was on her way and i responded to say that the kids are asleep which i stress was a big thing because they never sleep at the same time so she needs to be almost inhumanely quiet and she said that was fine i got the door let her in started to put stuff away and she asked to use the bathroom i said shawn reminded her where it was and off she went within a minute i hear both babies crying i like it upstairs and mom is stood there looking guilty as sin i gesture for her to leave the room which she does and i put the eight-month-old back to sleep but i can't do the same with the six-month-old so i take her downstairs and mom is still there mom begins to apologize saying she just wanted to hold them as she's never actually met them i say that's fine but she's just made me realize what a spectacularly bad idea hosting christmas is or having visitors in general and gave her the stuff back and saw her out this has caused a whole crap show my family is saying i have to reconsider hosting christmas saying it's inconsiderate of me to change plans at such short notice seeing as they've changed their work schedules to isolate and that my parents can't host on such short notice i've told them to figure it out they then ask that i come to christmas at their place and i refused they're saying that's also unreasonable and calling me an idiot not the idiot you're super busy in your life and they want a single mother of two to host christmas are they dumb besides that you asked her to be quiet then she went and picked them up guaranteeing a wake-up she didn't respect your boundaries at all but it's her turn seriously i could never fathom asking a new single mother still on maternity leave to host christmas ridiculous what a stupid family i'd legit fight someone for waking up two infants i would have seen red and not been able to control my mouth for sure your mom is an idiot who wakes a baby you are not wrong you have way too much going on and clearly people don't understand your situation not to mention the stress of it all throwing off their schedules oh yeah that pesky global situation thing i nearly adult girl used to have a good relationship with my mother that has since crashed and burned since she dated and married my stepdad gary six years ago gary treats his son ian 19 like he's the center of the universe and expects my mother to as well so she does anything ian wants ian gets and that usually comes at the expense of me ian wanted my room when they moved in i was forced to go to another room to make the transition easier for everyone ian wanted a car for his birthday i didn't get braces for another year ian wanted to go on an expensive trip for spring break i had to give up volleyball to make it happen ian wanted to have his side of the family over i was expected to find somewhere else to be since i wasn't family my mother just went along with all of this and acted like it shouldn't affect me at all my dad was overseas for a long time and we used to facetime and he was so upset by what he was hearing he's home now and he's offered to have me come live with him i see no reason not to go and so i told my mom i wanted to go live with my dad she predictably freaked out and asked why i'd want to do that she said that we have such a good relationship she didn't understand how this came out of the blue i told her that we haven't had a good relationship since she blindly decided to follow gary's lead and give ian anything he wanted and it always came at my expense my mom tried to argue so i said i also wanted to leave because she let them kick me out of my own house because i wasn't family so i was going to live with someone who was my mom started crying and said she wouldn't let me go so i told her that my dad was willing to go to court over it and i was old enough to be able to stay where i wanted to be she's been a crying mess since i told her and gary is being an idiot about how awful i'm being here's where i might be wrong he was complaining to me about how i was treating them and how i'm not thinking about them at all i asked why i should he never thought of me when he was taking things from me to give to his kid i said let's face facts here you don't care about me what you care about is losing the child support you spend on your son he sort of went slack-jawed and i walked off my dad said my mom called and threatened to take him to court so he said he'd see her there now she's panicking because she realized he is planning on taking her to court over this mom and gary of course think i'm the idiot for making things hard for everyone but my dad and grandparents say to leave and never look back am i the idiot for wanting to get away from this situation not the idiot you have been punished for her inability to stand up to her husband for far too long i hope that life with your dad is amazing and he treats you how you deserve to be treated she let him force her to stop treating you as family you owe them nothing at all you are not the idiot i think you hit the nail on the head when you said he was worried about losing your child's support i hope your mother has a ton because she will have to pay child support to your dad and make sure the judge knows about all the suspiciously expensive items ian is getting that money is your child's support i guarantee it and you've had to give up items that should be bought with that money i'm enraged on your behalf judges don't like that either ever judge will drag your mother across the coals and it'll be well deserved she failed you big time i'm an avid hiker backpacker and spend a lot of my free time doing things that allow me to engage with those hobbies typically i spend weeks in the summer outdoors hiking backpacking etc i've completed the colorado trail twice and have done long stretches of the continental divide trail as well i live in a little mountain town where it's a cinch just to rent out my place for those weeks my sister got the bright idea to tell me that she wanted to fly out her two little girls to stay with me for a few weeks over the summer i've never met my nieces i moved away from home when i was 18 and have not gone back to visit and god forbid any of them to visit me when i first moved i attempted to keep in touch and involve them in my life but it wasn't reciprocated no one ever calls me reaches out to me first etc i just bluntly told her that i was not interested she demanded to know why i explained that i spent my summers going all over the place touching down for a weekend and then heading elsewhere she said that i could change my plans for one summer and that it was time for me to get to know my nieces what i heard was i've been cooped up with them for this past year due to the global situation and now i want to make them somebody else's burden so here you take them i told you that i wouldn't be changing my plans she told me that this was my chance to make up for being a nasty member of the family and moving away and that her girls just wanted to get to know their aunt i asked her why she thought me getting to know my nieces was beneficial to me in any way as in what would meeting them do to enrich my life she didn't have an answer for me and a few days later i got a scathing email from my mom telling me that she couldn't believe i had no interest in meeting my nieces are getting to know them what kind of person did she raise do i want to be a part of this family etc i don't think i'm an idiot for this for the record this isn't an i hate kids thing my best friend here has three kids and the four of us go on many adventures together i could be perceived as being an idiot because my nieces are innocent parties to this family dynamic however i know that some people feel like family is the most important thing in the world and love being obligated to perform familial closeness it's the societally accepted thing to do you are all idiots here to make things clear i don't think you're the idiot for not wanting your nieces to come over however your sister is an idiot for wanting to send her very young kids alone on an airplane and stay with someone they don't know the part that i do think makes you slightly wrong is how you talk about your nieces you say they're a burden and that there's no point to you getting to know them which makes you seem incredibly callous respectfully disagree dna doesn't mandate a relationship ops never met the kids the idea that she's somehow obligated to want a relationship with them two strangers she's never met they would be a burden to be thrown in the deep end and be their sole caregiver for weeks i mean does opie even have room for these kids to have their own beds for crying out loud op doesn't have a relationship with her sister why would she be expected to have one with her nieces dna is happenstance family is chosen in my opinion sometimes we get lucky and those we choose share dna but there's no guarantee our obligation when it comes to extended family my uncle had a kid from an affair who he abandoned to the system my grandmother found out years later and took him in this was a huge scandal in our family and our social circle because everyone is all about appearances and protecting the family legacy if i'm being honest my family wasn't very nice about my cousin i remember when he first came to live with our grandparents my own mother told me not to socialize with him too much in front of outsiders so he doesn't ruin my reputation i was just a little kid when he graduated the family didn't want him involved in the family business because of his parentage as a result he was pretty closed off and was only close to our grandparents and no one else in the family so our grandfather gave him some money to start something of his own the family business hasn't been doing so well for a long time but my cousin is doing better than ever despite everything he's been financially helping all of us for a few years now recently our grandparents told everyone he was married and expecting a baby this was a huge shock to the family our grandfather admitted he suspects our cousin got her pregnant by mistake and chose to do the right thing based on a few conversations he had with him before he announced his marriage my family immediately cyber stalked his wife and they said some awful things about her and everyone was complaining that he could have done so much better my dad was even encouraging everyone to make things horrible for her so she leaves i told my cousin what they said i'd like to say i did it for selfless reasons but i didn't he's paying for my tuition after my parents refused to help since i dropped out the first time and based on his personality i doubt he's going to be very forgiving once they start this crusade against his pregnant wife well he cut everyone off except me and our grandparents he never told anyone it was me but since everyone is floundering trying to figure out what they're going to do now and i'm not it didn't take much for them to figure out i was the snitch now my family is angry at me and calling me all sorts of names so am i the idiot not the idiot they never accepted him as a family member if they never accepted him why do they deserve his help they don't they were mooching off him and only wanted his money they didn't care about treating him like family you were right to let him know exactly how they felt about him and his pregnant wife you seem to care and accept him as family so it's not selfish to let him know that he may be helping you with college but you care and treat him well you have accepted him as family good job you are all idiots apart from your cousin first the poor guy was in the system because of your uncle and even when your grandparents took him in he was treated like a pariah by the family the angel helped them out as he could and your family talked nonsense behind his back i mean what type of people make up your family all of them are awful regarding you i am on the fence it depends upon how you treated your cousin before tapping into him for your own greed did you try making a real connection with him or not i agree with you 100 but it makes me wonder if op would have still told her cousin if her parents agreed to pay her tuition [Music] you

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Id: Vo5EnLFNkbE

Length: 19min 26sec (1166 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 28 2021