Dating, Courtship, and Marriage - Paul Washer

it's a great privilege to be here it really is and like he said my name is paul Washer I'm 49 years old I my greatest claim to fame is that I'm married to a woman by the name of Charlie shadow than Nunez she's from Peru her name is Charo and I have three children Ian who is 9 Evan who is 7 and and Rowan who is a 3 and a half and I have pictures of all of them if you'd want to see them after the after the meeting my greatest hope here is that you would come to understand that walking with Jesus Christ is above absolutely everything else it's about loving God with all your heart soul mind and strength and to realize you cannot make a claim to doing that unless you love your neighbor as yourself and your neighbor is the person closest to you I've done a lot of things in my life I've been a missionary for many years and many difficult and horrible places I've had to do a lot of difficult and costly things but the hardest call of discipleship in my life has been marriage it's not because of my wife but it's because of what marriage really involves most of what you probably think about marriage is not true Amy Carmichael many years ago famous missionary to India said that missions was an opportunity to die was an opportunity to die to yourself you say well that's not doesn't sound that appealing no it doesn't unless your heart has been regenerated by the Holy Spirit and you're truly a Christian that will not be appealing at all that will be disgusting to you what do you mean an opportunity to die to myself I want to live for myself no Jesus said that to find life we must lose it the greatest opportunity I've ever had to lose my life was in marriage see marriage is about making a commitment guys to one woman with everything that you have I travel around the world preaching I direct a mission organization have great deal of responsibility the number one ministry and my life is one woman and I mean that one woman she comes before my ministry she comes before my children one woman now I almost want to stop and talk to management here for a moment because I've kind of got a dilemma what you really need is going to take more than 45 minutes the what I teach on this usually takes about three sessions of an hour because you see we can't tweak you I know this is going to be offensive to you but you're totally broken we can't tweak you we can't add a few little silly Christian cliches onto a secular life and that result in true discipleship I'm sorry it's not going to happen I'm talking about following Jesus Christ you say it's not difficult in the United States the most difficult place I've had to follow Jesus Christ the most costly place is the United States and if it doesn't cost you anything it's because you've bought in to American Christianity but that's not why I'm here at all I'm telling you if you're just the normal typical evangelical you're wrong about almost everything we are so far removed from Scripture that if someone comes to us with Scripture we think they're out of their minds well I'm going to come to you with Scripture and I don't know I'd love to do this about three or four times here on campus so we could get through the whole thing so I'm going to start tonight and if it bores you and you never want to come back again that's fine but I'm not going to jump right into courtship because there's fundamental issues you've got to get to first now one thing I want to look at just for a moment is what was called and still is called the Chinn manifesto and that's the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew chapter 7 Jesus makes a very important statement he contrasts basically two gates one gate is himself and the other gate represents absolutely every other person or ideology telling you there's any other Savior other than Jesus Christ there's only one gate and it's Jesus Christ but then he says there's not only one gate he says there's one way and it's narrow and see American evangelicalism is a direct contradiction to all of that much of what you believe is a direct contradiction to that you see if I were to reinterpret the words of Jesus looking at the typical young evangelical or the typical evangelical today it would be this the gate is small you can only be saved through Jesus but the way is broad then you can live just like the world you can define everything just as the world defines it just make it Christian now he said there's a small gate and he said there's a narrow way that word in the Greek speaks of two things one it's narrow in the sense that there's great opposition against you if you are going to walk with Jesus Christ you are going to be opposed by everything in the world and by the great majority of evangelicals you're going to be opposed but also the word means confining the old commentary writers and theologians would put it this way imagine walking on the narrowest of paths where you almost have to turn your shoulders to be able to walk down that path because on both sides is sheer rock going up as far as you can see that's the Christian life that Jesus Christ has done more than died for you on a tree he told you how you're supposed to live and you have no right to live any other way I'm sorry that's discipleship so what you have to see is that this this Lord he's Lord of absolutely everything absolutely everything I live in a culture that always demands its rights I'm called to give up every one of them every one of them to that which is written to the scriptures and let me ask you a question I'm just going to throw some things out how much of your life is defined by what the Word of God says by what Jesus says and how much of it is defined by culture just think about that how many Christians do you know could open up a Bible and go down biblically verse by verse and show you why they do what they do in their relationships with opposite sex how many Christians do you know could open up the Bible and go verse by verse and tell you this is the what this is why I dress this way this is why I talk this way this is why I'm in college almost no one so you see putting on a Christian t-shirt does it make you radical even saying you believe in Jesus doesn't make you radical entering in the narrow gate is allowing him to define your life and not in general terms see there's your problem oh Jesus is everything to me and Jesus is Lord okay specifically though explain to me what that means what does it cost you how have you changed your life from the course the rest of the world is walking in well I don't know what you're talking about therein lies the problem you don't know what I'm talking about you know the one of the most terrifying statements in all the Bible is when Jesus says not everyone who says to me Lord Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven but he who does the will of my father who is in heaven he will enter in now in Hebrew the New Testament source was recorded in Greek but we know that the writers were principally Hebrew with a Hebrew mindset and here's something that's very very important to understand in Hebrew in order to emphasize or give clarity repetition is carried out for example Isaiah chapter 6 in the year that King Uzziah died I saw so the Lord high and lifted up and train filled the temple and above him stood the sarahfey one having six wings with two they covered their face with two they covered their feet with two they did fly and one cried unto the other holy holy holy now that repetition is very important it saying above everything you need to know about God he's holy well in the same way when Jesus says not everyone who says to me Lord Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven you know what he's saying he's saying not everyone who in fatica ly confesses me to be Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven so what is your confession of faith in Jesus Christ worth zero not everyone who says to me Lord Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven but he who does the will of my father who is in heaven will enter now we have to come to a big conclusion here big question your salvation depends upon it is Jesus teaching that in order to be saved we must believe in him and also do the will of the Father which means salvation is by faith and by works absolutely not salvation is by faith alone but how many of you have ever heard the term born again any of you you know what that terms come to mean in America that you pray to prayer and ask Jesus to come into your heart or that you believe or you made a decision now born again refers to regeneration recreation it's that passage in 2nd Corinthians 5:17 If anyone be in Christ he's a new creature you see if you've truly believed in Jesus Christ here's what happens your heart changes you really become different and as a different creature you live a different way this is the it works a lost man has a nature of a lost man the Bible teaches that it's it's evil inclined toward evil that's why you don't have to teach little children to lie that will is controlled by that nature and it works this way if you have an evil nature a bad nature then you have bad affections bad desires and if you have bad desires they control your will and direct you you see now in the same way in order to fix all this you've got to go back to the very core of the problem the heart and if you have believed in Jesus if you truly have under salvation you have been regenerated and your heart has been changed and that new heart has new affections in those affections are righteous and holy and God word and those new affections drive your will to a different life you know a lot of people think that Christianity is they think Christianity is you doing all the righteous things you hate and avoiding all the wicked things you love in order to go to heaven now that's a lost man and religion a Christian is a person whose heart has been changed they have new affections but like a child that's been born they're going I knew I have new affections their God word I love God I want to be conformed to the image of Christ but how do I do it that's where the Word of God comes in it's not burdensome to you forcing you to do what you don't want to do and keeping you from doing all the rotten things you want to know you've been changed you just need to know how to walk now the problem is because the gospel presentation in America is so weak pray this prayer ask Jesus come into your heart you're saved so many people think they're saved but their heart their desires everything's not been changed ever and so then you get them into a discipleship program and you try to force them to walk like a sheep when they're still a goat doesn't work so the first thing is the gospel of Jesus Christ the evidence that your Christian is not that you confess faith in Jesus or you're a part of some Christian ministry or anything it's that your affections have changed their God word you love Jesus Christ and you have no bones about if it says in Scripture year to do something okay let's do it he said it he's master that's what Lord means now you remember in and also in this passage where it says that the way is narrow that leads to life and there are few who will find it as terrifying there are few that will find this way that leads to life now that's what it says now some people think well what Jesus is talking about there there are a few people who confess him and all the atheists and everybody else the big majority of the world in Hollywood and Sodom and Gomorrha and everything it's all going to hell but those of us who confess Jesus Christ were the few that are going to be saved no that's not what he's saying in the context he's saying this among those who claim me to be Lord few will be saved that's the context you see that among those who claim me to be Lord few will be saved that's why he then says not everyone who says to me Lord Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven but he who does the will of my father who's in heaven that's amazing and it's a total contradiction to American evangelicalism it is now one last thing before we go on and it's this he also said that on that day he will say to this great majority of people who said Lord Lord he will say I never knew you depart from me you workers of iniquity now first of all he says I never knew you you know how everyone today it's kind of an evangelical cliche do you know Jesus that's really not the question you see I could go up to the White House today or tonight and I could knock on the gates and I'm sure guards would come out and they'd go you know sir can we help you yes I I want to see President Obama and they and and I go well I know him am I going to get in am I going to see a president or a king by saying I know him absolutely not I'm not going to get in but if while I'm talking to these guards President Obama walks out and go goes Paul hey let him come on through I'm going in you see the difference you know Jesus I don't want to be trite with you but big deal does Jesus know you and that word know in the Greek it really has no big significance it's just you know schools it's just the Greek idea but when you infuse it with the Hebrew idea it's it's amazing it refers to a relationship that is intimate so intimate that oftentimes even in the New Testament Matthew chapter one it's used with regard to sexual relationship and what he says you and I never had an intimate relationship what you went through that track and then prayed the prayer at the end what's that I never knew you you didn't come to me seek me we didn't walk together talk together you didn't seek me for counsel you didn't follow my law you didn't treat me as king you weren't a part of any of the principles or commands of the kingdom absolutely not I don't know you depart from me and then he says workers of iniquity now to us today that doesn't mean very much but the Greek word is enormous namasthe all eyes is a negative sort of particle that prefix that that says no law and this is what he's saying depart from me those of you who claim to be bi disciples but you lived as though I never gave you a law to obey now isn't that frightening how many of you are guiding your life based on principles commands and laws and statements of wisdom that Jesus has given how many Christians do you actually know that are living that way depart from me those of you who said Lord Lord and considered yourselves to be my disciples but you lived as though I never gave you a law to obey that's something that's something but it's true it's just true I'm twice the age of you guys I still sometimes in the quiet hours of the evening sit alone with the word do I know thee O Lord after all these years of walking with him I have tremendous assurance of salvation in the blessings in my life his guidance his discipline in my life all of it summing up that yes I know him he knows me but you have to understand you come out of a Christianity that in its theology is absolutely despicable now how do I come off saying something like that yeah that's a pretty big statement isn't it me standing up here and saying that American evangelicalism is well see here's what you need to understand about Christianity we're a historical religion and that means if one of you guys you pull out your Bible one day and you interpret a certain verse and you go share it with someone and they ask you how do you know it means that you go well that's what it means how do you know well one of the ways that you will know is if you go through 2,000 years of Christian history and everybody else disagrees with you you're probably wrong right well guess what that's where we're at in America today you go back a hundred years and try to find the superficial gospel that's being preached today you go back just a hundred years and try to find what we are today then go back to agustin fourth century for that matter go to Luther go to Calvin go as far as you want Puritans early evangelicals in in England whatever you would like were an aberration I'm not saying this to hurt you I'm saying it because it's true it really is and you need to be afraid about it and you need to get serious what did you expect it's what Jesus said one time what did you expect going out to see John a reed shaken in the wind or someone who wears fine clothes those who wear fine clothes live in King's palaces did you come here tonight to just to hear funny stories about how bad I messed up in dating and try to then say to you at the end don't do the same Jesus loves you I'm not going to do that I'm going to tell you the truth we're going to go into Scripture but thing is we're not really going to start we can't start with courtship because there's another underlying thing do you truly know him and then as knowing him are you willing to commit yourself to following him not a man not some kind of sectarian view of Scripture but are you willing to get into Scripture and look at the grammar and look at the history and decide am I going to live a Christian life or am I going to be conformed to this age what am I going to do now this is particularly important in the area though that we're talking about tonight and that is marriage you live in a culture that hates marriage you live in a culture that hates men and you live in a culture that hates women you live in a culture that hates children you live in a culture that hates home and hates family matter of fact you live in a culture that hates just about everything God loves and you have not escaped without being tainted by it none of us have so let's look at some things first of all we must be aware of our reality as a people before we ever even start talking about courtship we must be aware of our reality as a people I want to give you a passage that's quoted twice in the book of Judges and if you guys want later on if we do this again or something I'll just bring notes you guys can have all the notes whatever but it's in those days there was no king in Israel and every man did what was right in his own eyes now we don't have a king that's that's fine but we have a heavenly King we have an authority in what this passage is saying that in the days when Israel had no authority whatsoever governing their land everyone did what was right in his own eyes now let me ask you a question all the decisions you make as a young person how many of those decisions are based on you doing simply what's right in your own eyes and how many times specifically have you gone to scripture looking for the answer with regard to anything do you see what I'm saying you say well God's given us wisdom yes he has but that wisdom must be honed in his word you see I want you to think about something 16 hours a day most of you are awake some of you probably may be a lot less I don't know but most people are sixteen hours a day and how much time are you in the word and yet for 16 hours you are bombarded by everything the world wants you to know do you see that everything the world wants you to know you're bombarded by 16 hours a day and then maybe since since the Christian community really isn't that serious about devotion piety in the study of Scripture and there we've got all these little books and gimmicks and stuff where you can get it all done in 15 minutes and put Jesus back in the closet you see your mind has to be renewed with the Word of God or you'll be just like the people of Israel they did what was right in their own eyes don't you know that they stood there with all those pagan countries all around them saying hey were the people of God Yahweh is God yet they were doing exactly what the nations were doing guess what so are we in America so are we listen to this Hosea 4:6 my people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge specifically guys listen to me girls in marriage people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge you don't realize that the very things you're doing right now will impact your marriage the very things you're doing now will impact your marriage guys every time you go on the internet and see something you're not supposed to see it is going to impact your ability to love your wife and to lay down your life for her what you're doing right now the things you're doing without knowledge being right in your own eyes are absolutely destroying destroying the possibility of a grand future yes now he says my people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge because you have rejected knowledge I will also reject you from being my priests one of the greatest doctrines of Christianity is the priesthood of the believer this idea though that that do you think that just because you you know Jesus now you're going to be this this this person who is a servant of God in this this mediator to help men come to know him and all these different things and yet because of your lack of knowledge cannot use you one of the things you got to be very careful about in student menís you go out you witness to somebody and you get them saved and then you take them through a few discipleship books and you tell them to go disciple others no I know that goes against everything you believe but I'm telling you no what do they even know about being a human being in Christ say well they can share what they know they could share all kinds of error we have to realize that we are to be a people who are knowledgeable when the Word of God comes when aren't we open our mouth the Word of God comes out not just something we can repeat from a little book we've read we must be very careful discipleship is necessary but there are some things that need to be done to make it biblical can't just turn people loose saying all kinds of things that aren't biblical he says this listen Isaiah 1 4 through 6 alas sinful nation people weighed down with iniquity offspring of evildoers sons who act corruptly who have abandoned the Lord they have despised the Holy One of Israel they have turned away from him where will you be stricken again as you continue in your rebellion the whole head is sick and the whole heart is faint from the sole of the foot even to the head there is nothing sound in it only bruises welts and raw wounds not pressed out or bandaged or softened with oil every person the greatest most well-known preachers theologians and others is not this isn't this what they're saying the church in America is just beaten to pieces do you know I travel all over the world working with missions and one of the things that people in other countries lament is how their Christianity has been destroyed with the influx of American missionaries by the easy believe ISM we have our trite little ways of leading people to Christ and our worldliness and our ungodliness they say don't send them don't send them us there the scent they're the same people who when they come back from mission trips tell you that 500 people got saved the only problem is none of those 500 people went to church the next day when Romanian leader told me he said Paul if everything those groups that come over and do evangelism here in our country and those evangelists from America and their Crusades and all that stuff that goes on if what they say is true about how many people have been saved in their ministries in my country then everyone in Romania has been saved four times it's all a lie and it is what part of your Christianity do you want exported and what part should be quarantined what part should what part of your life would you want other people to have what part of it is so biblical that it ought to be proclaimed to the nation's do you sing we are a people that are this way let me give you an example of what I mean I'll give you two examples one is this now I'm not against swimming or going to going to the pool or whatever but I just want to give you an example for you to maybe think a red flag what Christians wear to the beach today I'm not saying pro or con I'm just saying this what Christians wear to the beach today if someone had dressed that way 60 years ago the secular authorities would have either had them incarcerated or fined or sent off for mental counseling now I'm not I'm just that's true do you realize that now I'm not saying right or wrong the only thing I want you to see is man if in 60 years what Christians do today were was considered illegal and insane by lost people 60 years ago could something be wrong see we don't think there is he said they have eyes but they cannot see they have ears but they do not hear part of this people has grown like wax do you see the problem there we give another example with regard to Christian knowledge several years ago a friend of mine from British Columbia sent me a book on logic very important you ought to study logic sent me a book on logic well I'd study logic in college have my master's degree all kinds of things studying logic philosophy theology well I read through the first chapter and I thought man this is this is hard this is tough so I read through the first chapter three times understood where he was going I could deal with his terms I could converse back with the pages okay I get this I closed the book and I think I went in the kitchen to get something to eat I came back and I looked at the front of the book and I was like that's unusual it was like an ink blot type block drawing on the book I kept looking at it well why is that there it was a picture of a schoolmaster a headmaster standing like this over a group of children that looked to be like eight years old that he was like drilling them and I thought why is that on this book I opened up and started reading the preface of the book and I realized it was the logic primer for grade school children in the colonial period you see here's my pleading with you when you are completely removed from history and you're entertained to death I mean some of you guys fifteen year-old men have led other men into battle and some of you guys are in college and the only thing you can think about is saving up money for the next Xbox or halo when you separate yourself from history you can't you have no barometer you have no way of seeing how far have we fallen where are we compared to everyone else and then if you just take the scriptures and you turn your Christian you with groups and Christian college groups in the entertainment and fun and all these different thing just like the world but Jesus is thrown in there and you got everybody full of noise and everything going on no one can stop and think where are we what are we what have we become what are we and that's what I want you to say you see I can't come here and just slap down a few little principles for you to take home it's the idea of look you've got to realize first of all things are dramatically wrong if I'm going to follow Jesus Christ I need to get in the word I need to use that head of mind I need to study Scripture I need to ask some serious questions about the Christianity I'm in because the Christianity that I'm in at this place in time in America differs from Christianity all over the place it is an American brand and it's dangerous and that's where we are now I want us to look at a few other things and this is very important we must be convinced that the entirety of our lives must abound to the glory of God and be submitted to his revealed will now notice there I said we must be convinced that our lives are to abound to the glory of God now most people would say Amen yeah glory God but then I throw in the part according to his revealed will and that's where the kicker comes in you can talk all day about the glory of God jesus said if you love me you will keep my Commandments which cannot be kept if they're not known you know the greatest problems is you're going to hate me for this but I'm going to tell you anyways it's this our poor view of soteriology which is our view of how people are saved and what it means to be saved is so twisted and trite compared to the classic works in theology and Scripture that what we've done is we've done this church basically is all about church growth principles about getting people in getting people in getting people in make the church big we're growing we're thumping we're going so what do you do you go out in the community you go out into your culture and you find what they want if you're going to have a college group are you going to have a youth group or you have this or that man you've got to have the music you have lights get some Xboxes in there let's go and we got them coming in we're doing all this stuff and here's what you do you end up redesigning the church for the carnal man so you have this church designed to meet the pleasures of a carnal man so the sheep that just want Jesus they starve to death while everyone is trying to keep the carnal man that's wrong that's wrong and so Scripture is not proclaimed boldly from the pulpit there is no exhortation there's no prophetic standing up and saying thus saith the Lord you're wrong because that will drive all the people away and we can't have that of course also we can't have that because we've built that really big building for all those people to get in and somebody's got pay for it someone came to our church one time and they said but they said brother Paul you know love you but you know if we take someone who doesn't know anything about Jesus to any one of these churches around here that you know they fit right in I mean there's all kinds of stuff but you guys you start Church by praying for half hour the entire congregation then it's very simple but powerful theological songs and then the word of God is preached for an hour very very I mean this line by line just scripture scripture scripture how would they adapt to something like that you see that question what he's saying is that we can take them to churches where it'll be just like the world forum they'll be entertained happy everything else guys that's not what we're supposed to do I want you to have the most blessed life in the world and I see a machine eating up young people like you every day a machine of American Christianity just eating you alive a whole bunch of the world in a little bit of Jesus what you need is to make a decision not about courtship but about Christianity itself are you going to follow Jesus Christ according to his word or are you going to follow him according to culture which has so infiltrated the church that you can hardly find it this is an important question now I want us to look at a few things a few context that are very very important I'm going to have to skip over some things and what I'm going to do is I'm going to give you a thing on just a thing for a moment on recreational dating and then hit a few points that are very important and if we ever do this again I'll come back and teach it at length point by point the first thing I want you to realize that recreational dating is heretical it is not scriptural and it is extremely extremely dangerous let me just read for you the practice of recreational dating is so far removed from Scripture that it is not even addressed it is a recent phenomenon that is not that only that not only is not found in Scripture but is hardly found in the annals of human history it is simply the product of a godless and lawless culture that is motivated by ignorance in the flesh rather than the scriptures of the Spirit of God why do people date without any intention to marry now recreational dating that's what it means and recreational dating is exposed in this way some guy says I'm going out with so-and-so and you go oh really what I mean you know how did God show you that this is the person that you ought to marry they go what I mean they're like what are you talking about well yes as God chose you as a possibility of marrying this young woman well no well then why are you going out with her well because because why let me give you a few reasons one to satisfy the lust of the flesh either through immorality or entertainment you're just dating this person what are you getting out of it what commitment are you made what are you doing secondly to satisfy heartfelt passions that may be biblical but not seeking them in God's way what do I mean by that in the context of a lifelong commitment to God and embracing and embracing without the sacrificial demands of such a commitment and what I mean by that is this is wanting to enter into a relationship that requires no long-term commitment whatsoever so that you can take off at any time okay let me let me give you a few examples even in marriage a young guy will walk into my office and he'll say you know for the Paul I'm in love I have a two before I usually keep behind my desk whenever someone walks in like that I just smack them with it right upside their head kind of clear their mind a little bit I say so you're in love they say yeah I'm in love I go well you mean why do you want to marry this girl well man she's just beautiful okay and I just love being around her great we can talk and I just feel like she completes me she just fills me I mean I just just want to be with her and I go wow okay said you know but let me just throw that back at you make sure I'm understanding you you want to be with this girl because she meets all your selfish self-centered passions and desires is that what you're telling me no that's not what I mean but son that's what you're telling me you want to be with her because she's beautiful fine what happens when she's not beautiful anymore secondly what happens when someone else comes along who is more beautiful than she is and that person will come along you want to be with her because you can talk with her okay what happens when you can't talk with her anymore what happens when someone else comes into your life that you can talk with you leaving her you want to be with her because she's lovely what happens when she's not lovely do the unlovely not need love - tell me son I'm confused help me out here do you see so much of what we participate in is not true the whole idea of love have you ever heard people say well almost every song you've ever heard we fell in love you ever heard that can you go to scripture for me on that one it's not even a biblical concept you fell in love like fell through a manhole what did you I mean what does that mean you fell in love I'll tell you what it means or man we it was just bigger than the both of us he overpowered us was bigger than the both of us you know what that kind of language does it allows you to get involved in a relationship you shouldn't be in and consider yourself a victim it was too big for me it just it just took ahold of us both however it what did what chemistry oh okay what do you mean by that what what do you mean by chemists well I'll tell you what it is my friend the Word of God has a word for it it's lust lust which at its root is just selfishness she had what I wanted I fell in love no love is not something you fall into it's not this power that controls the universe it is a thing it is a commitment I love my wife and I think my wife is beautiful my fact I love my wife now more than then when we met but but here's what I want you to see the difference in Christian love I believe God called me into the ministry and if I don't fulfill that ministry I will be outside the will of God I also believe that ministry is an irrevocable calling now my marriage is much of the same thing what do I mean by that oh I think my wife is beautiful I love being with her but the basis of my marriage is this God has called me with an irrevocable inexcusable calling to lay down my life for one specific woman all the days of her life and to serve her unconditionally whether she deserves it or not do you see that he said well that's just intrepid I mean you could throw your whole life away doing that what did Jesus say what was it those who lose their life for my sake well I don't think he meant that well then what did he mean because what you where you're going at has no cost my friend listen I have walked with him for over thirty years nearly 30 years and what I can tell you is this I've never lamented one sacrifice or one thing I've had to give up in serving him I have lamented many times when I have kept me for myself do you know what it's like to be a Christian it is to be solely dedicated to one individual Jesus Christ and then when he brings that one individual the only individual in the world with whom you're going to be one flesh and he brings that individual into your life and you commit yourself to her and you instead of going oh she was in an accident and she's terribly deformed the very thing that attracted me to her is now gone or she's gone old or she has to become wrinkled or she has gained weight or she has done all these things instead of the modern mind which says okay all these things I'm out of here because I'm not getting any longer what I bought in for the Christian mind says because of these things she needs me now more than ever more than ever she needs my love more than ever she needs to see but I think she's the most beautiful person on the face of the earth more than ever and it's costly it's worth the love let me let me just throw you something in about romance have you ever heard a guy he says wants to divorce his wife because he says well I just don't love her anymore well why well she's not this this this and this or he'll say I just don't have any romantic feelings for her anymore when a man who claims to be a Christian walks in the room and tells me that this is what I tell him repent he says repent of what repent of not serving your wife and he says what do you mean how is that going to cure my lack of romance where does every good and perfect gift come from from God he says okay is romance and a passion for your wife a good and perfect gift absolutely if it's a good and perfect gift and you don't have it anymore what's the only thing that can cut you off from the blessings of God sin okay what is your sin your sin sir is you're consumed with your own passions and your own desires in your own lust and you're not consumed with serving this woman if you will go back and start serving her loving her giving your life for her prosperity and her benefit and her enjoyment God will bless you with the good and perfect things that you desire you see Christianity just turns the whole thing on its head and it needs to be turned on its head I am married because I believe that God has called me with an irrevocable calling to lay down my why my life for one woman my wife chotto you see that and a person is more important than a ministry my wife is to be as you may not know this even over my children even though I love my children I love my children it's a battle not to love them wrongly but the greatest thing I can do for my children is to love their mother with a passion if I want to have happy secure children they just need to see me love their mom with a passion and they're going to look up and go well this homes intact dad's not going anywhere they just need to see one argument for their heart to begin to quiver now I'm just going to shoot some stuff off the top my head off of this teaching real quick so that we can go ahead and have a something of a question-and-answer the first thing that I want you to know is that Paul told Timothy to flee youthful lust Timothy was a young man he said flee youthful lust you live in one of the most lustful and exposed ages in history not because men have gotten worse it's just the opportunities have gotten greater internet media everything so you're bombarded by every sort of image and every sort of lustful thing young men if you want to have a passionate love relationship with your wife guard your eyes because here's what's going to happen the world put dziena you any of you remember Cindy Crawford the famous supermodel Cindy Crawford okay I was listening to her one time I was on I think it was CNN or something I don't know where it was I think it was an airport and she said a statement that I thought was remarkable she said what everyone needs to understand is Cindy Crawford doesn't look like Cindy Crawford and her poll point was after they take a picture of me they do all kinds of things they make my legs longer if I'm bent this way in that little roll of fat they take it out you see here's the problem young man you fill your mind with a bunch of images of something that's not even real not even those girls look like that and then you marry and you enslave your wife do you see that you see how it can mess with your head you didn't marry a beautiful woman you didn't do this because our whole view of beauty is just absolutely twisted and perverted I hate it because it kills women it kills them dead that's why one of the reasons why you want to protect your eyes because the more you protect your eyes now from looking at media and looking at other human beings the more you will be able to passionately love one woman that's why clothing is important really now another thing that I want you to understand notice that when he talks about the devil in Ephesians six he says that we wrestle with him and he doesn't tell us to run he says wrestling wrestling we wrestle not with flesh and blood wrestling but when it comes to youthful lust he says don't wrestle it he says run let me give you a little principle you will not be able to be in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex alone for any normal length of time without falling it's just not going to happen it's not going to happen and you know it you've already been there many of you and when you say falling you say well I haven't but no falling comes along before what the world today says falling is you cannot do it all here one time a young guy came to me was getting ready go to seminary as a college student really love the Lord and knew he did he came to my office and this guy he was a man's man and he just breaks down crying in the office and I said what's going on he said well you know my my fiancee and I on and we want to be holy I said yes I know her she's a wonderful girl and and I have great respect for you what's the problem well we get together and we make these commitments that we're not going to do this and we're not going to do that and we're not going to have physical contact and we're not going to go too far and all these things and all these grandiose ideas and we read scripture together and we pray together and then we end up doing something that we hate oh yeah mm-hmm I said what are your Cris what are your Campus counselor just tell you well they tell us that it's difficult we need to read the word we need to pray I said tell them to call me because they shouldn't be counseling anybody anymore they're so far off from the biblical picture so I'm believable you can't be strong enough to do something that God already told you not to do don't be alone with someone of the opposite sex where you can be in a position to compromise yourself because it will happen if you stay there long enough that is the biblical mandate you can't be spiritual enough strong enough bold enough anything else it's going to happen so don't do it just don't do it you say well that's costly welcome to Christianity 101 welcome what did you think you were going to get Jesus without cost that you were going to go to heaven and be just like the world no sorry it's not going to happen that way it's not going to happen that way especially for you guys that are Christians you get in a relationship with a girl you don't practice these principles and one night you just go too far and you fit and it doesn't help the relationship you know you've got to kiss a bunch of toads or whatever it is before you find your prince that's not true more toads you catch more warts you get the whole thing is is guy you may be in a relationship with a girl that God may want you to marry but because you're not leading correctly and you're not establishing the principles you ought to be establishing and you compromise yourself with her morally you you think she's looking at you now thinking what kind of spiritual leader is this he's led me down a trail that's caused me great pains and then she's thinking about you he must think what kind of Christian am i doing all these things young men let me tell you something if you want to know where God's going to lay the blame it's primarily going to be at your doorstep more than hers yeah you're responsible she's responsible but you're responsible more than she is if you ever ask yourself this question when when can I start thinking about the opposite sex you ever thought about that let me just give you a few pointers and again we get another opportunity we'll go through all this but let me just let me give you first of all time of awakening you know if you protect a child as a child should be protected they will wake up to the idea of the opposite sex in a romantic way somewhere around eleven twelve I know that sounds ridiculous to you today but it also sounds ridiculous to you today that I will not take my boys to the mall because I do not want them to see what's hanging on the walls and I do not want them to see to the girls and the guys that are walking around that mall you think that's ridiculous - but the Bible says above all things I'm to guard the heart of my children so when he wakes up and he realizes wow dad can I talk to you about something yeah sure let's talk all right let's say he's 13 years old 12 years old that's a time of awakening the world will tell you the lie that when he awakens to these things it is a sign he ought to begin to participate absolutely not when he awakens to these things it is a time for him to prepare to prepare for what to be a man to be a man same thing with a girl to become a woman manhood you have been raised in a generation that has three levels boy adolescent man who functions as a man in society right now if if some of you guys were standing over there and I need some help and I said hey boy come here what would you say to me you'd be mad wouldn't you who you calling boy well let me ask you what are you then I don't want to be smart I'm just asking quest are you a man does society look at you as a man well then according to the Bible you are a boy I'm sorry that group of adolescent thing in there that's not in the Bible it's nowhere in history guys and it's led to guys being little boys and then when they're 12 they become an adolescent and they stay there until about 36 is a wonderful little movie you could watch called Master and Commander and Russell Crowe he portrays lucky Jack Aubrey and they're going at the English are going after the French privateers and they're chasing one another around the seven seas what's amazing there is when they lash the two boats together for warfare and an army is to be led from the British vessel on to the French pirating vessel it's amazing the men are led into battle by a boy that's about 15 years old what would he be doing today you see that you see what's happy see because they don't teach history and they don't teach the Bible we've and we've bought into everything psychological everything secular nothing biblical then we have all these things in which even secular authorities are crying out now saying are there any men so when you're awakened it doesn't mean as a beast you go out and try to mate with something when you're awakened it means that if things are correctly done then you are taken under the wing of your father you have been since you were born you're taken under the wing of your father and he trains you to be a man it is his great purpose in life is that happening no but it can let me share with you something we are going through right now in the United States something of an awakening okay in Christianity now it's not what you think the media hasn't grabbed ahold of it and it's not the awakening you think I'm not talking about TV preachers there's a genuine awakening going on much of what happened very similar to what happened with Wesley and whitfill and Daniel Rowland's and the Christians of Wales and England and things like that very similar to what happened in the Reformation is going on very similar to what even happened with the Puritans and it is this we've about come to the end of our rope in the superficiality of evangelicalism and God is raising up men and even young men and women who are turning back to the idea of truth is their truth and they're going back to the scriptures and they're studying the old paths as it says in the scriptures and they're discovered right usually the first doctrine discovered is the doctrine of salvation where are we wrong and it always leads to this we've reduced salvation down to the acceptance of a Creed most of the people who claim to be Christian are not and we've got to reteach the gospel and the doctrine of regeneration what it means to be born again and that's happening see guys like John Piper John MacArthur RC SPRO all these different guys popping up a great blessing all right but here's what you've got to see that Reformation then has to make its way into the Christian life and as it makes its way into the Christian life you see radical changes what does it mean according to Jesus to love a woman what does it mean according to Jesus to be a man what does it mean what am I supposed to do as a man you know what the great evangelical community would tell me you're writing books you travel around the world you need to give yourself all the ministry you've got to do that this and that and everything every day and all the know I don't I go home why I have a family in the Providence of God my number one responsibility is to love a woman and if ministry has to suffer because of it suffers because of it because God doesn't need me in the ministry He desires that I'm obedient Bible did that for me saved me from destroying a woman children and a family and then after her what is it I have two boys and a little girl well you're supposed to be in Nepal preaching why aren't you doing because I have responsibilities here right now here two three children in the Providence of God to do what to teach those boys to be something their father wasn't young men I hope that you will grow up I hope that you will marry and I hope that you will marry soon I hope that you will grow up soon and marry soon and this is why you want to know one of the reasons for all the immorality because you were awakened to the opposite sex which is a wonderful thing by the time you were 9 10 or 11 years old in the cultures before you would have married less than 10 years after that but because in our culture most young men don't marry until they're in their 30s they have to struggle for sometimes 15 20 years with a godly desire that they can't fulfill because they're not married I pray that you will marry and I pray that if you're offered the most tremendous job in the world making six figures and everything else but you realize you can't do that and love one woman and you can't do that and disciple your own children and pour your life into them you'll turn down that job and take something that pays half of that remember the cost of discipleship thing and that you will love that one woman and you will invest your entire life in those children and then you'll be an example of what it means to be a Christian this is what we're talking about this is it now I know that this goes against everything especially if I start teaching about women I mean I know that I mean let me just throw some things at you so you can be mad at me for a while I was with vodi Baucom a couple years ago and we were up on platform together if you haven't ever heard of vodi Baucom look them up on the internet it's a good friend of mine he's just this wonderful guy he's like Apollo Creed but bigger and he he teaches on the family and these three girls were in this conference and they were sitting there in venue just looking at him you could tell these girls were sharp all three of them they're sitting there when I'm raised her hand said well I'm going to all three of us I think two of them were studying to be doctors and one of them was going to be a lawyer and they said we're going to be a doctor we're gonna be doctors and lawyers and we're going to be mothers and vote he said how how we're going to do it how well you mean how okay average doctor works somewhere around 75 to 80 hours a week lawyer about sane who's going to raise the kids who's going to raise them who I'll tell you who you're going to hire somebody to do it they're going to be born and you're going to put them in a preschool and then after preschool they're going to go praise the Lord they're going to go into public school and be totally indoctrinated with everything you say you don't believe and then when they come when you pick them up from from wherever they're at you're going to take them to football and basketball and soccer and everything else and what you're going to have in the end is not a family you're going to have a condo where the people come in and they don't even know each other why are you having children somebody's got to raise him but see you have been told that as a woman to love a man and to raise godly children with him it's despicable that's what you've been told it's despicable it is a waste what what people say yeah you just want the women to stay at home I stay at home too I try to get to the office as early as I can I come home when I come home we have a rule and when I'm away the children belong to my wife when I get home they're mine pooping all until I put them to bed and I'm the last one to kiss their brow so don't be throwing all this off on women and then just acting like some Neanderthal you see God gave a family even before he instituted the church and see here's a big problem some of you won't get married and say yeah just me and my wife have a really good time you don't understand the just tremendous blessing of children because you live in a culture that kills 4,000 babies a day 4,000 day you see in that that's impacted you how many of you young guys man I don't want to tie myself down like what God made was horrid it would you just want to run around in bachelor packs all your life go into cool pizza places and watching football is is that what you're saying you see you came in here thinking you're going to get one thing you got something completely out different and I'm not saying this to hurt you I'm saying this to help you in Jeremiah chapter 6 he says to the prophets he said you told them peace peace when there is no peace and that's what preachers are doing today just come along and join the Six Flags Over Jesus have a good time so you can be a Christian have a good time you be a Christian look just like the world no you can't I'm sorry Christian means to die to yourself and serve and in that you find life and you find joy you do and we didn't get to touch anything of what I wanted to touch but tonight you see you've gone to so many little dating things probably where you've heard little things about dating and oh that's nice I wanted to come in here and just hammer you because I love you because I hate what's happening I've been in universities longer than I think I was born in a university and I want to tell you something it wasn't until I had my first son that I realized I've studied everything you can possibly study Greek Hebrew patristic you name it and if I raise this child I'll raise him just like a pagan because I know nothing about the practical Christian life and start going back in the scriptures and then affirming it in history looking at the greatest Christians or what is held to be the greatest Christians throughout history and finding their life contradicts mine so somebody needs to change and they're already dead so they probably won't be changing there's so much more to Christianity than what you think and it is absolutely wonderful it is it is it is one last thing when you talk about this mass your question what if I just did a historic biblical study of femininity and womanhood is that have you ever done that then what do you know about being a woman how do you know that you just didn't buy into everything culture had to sell you or if I did the same thing with with regard to masculinity our manhood how do you know if you haven't studied scripture in this that you just didn't buy into the whole bill of sale a culture you see things need to change and they can change but it's going to be by returning to the Word of God all right let's pray father I thank you for this time lord I feel so bad having to jump over so many different things but Lord just to awaken for a moment Lord if we be pagan then let us be pagan but if we'd be Christian then let us be Christian let us be Christian Lord that we not have an impact on the world because we we are like the world but because we are completely the opposite of the world help us Lord Jesus name please visit our website at heart cry missionary calm there you will find information about the ministry our purpose beliefs and methodologies and extensive information about the missionaries we are privileged to serve you

Channel: I'll Be Honest

Views: 869,008

Rating: 4.8946352 out of 5

Keywords: paul, washer, marriage, dating, courtship, relationships, husband, wife, family, die, to, self, virginia, tech

Id: AP6cc2aBecE

Length: 72min 39sec (4359 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 04 2011