Courtney Smallbone Almost Lost Her Husband Luke (of "for KING & COUNTRY")

at the lowest point in our journey with my husband's illness the autoimmune disease colitis it was a moment where I just couldn't believe this was happening in my life again that I had struggled with a rare disease and and I felt like I was finally moving on in my life in this joy and we had a new baby and I was just a different person and through that time I felt pulled back I felt like oh here we go again like what is this gonna look like I can't believe like God would allow this I went through a really hard season where I was mad like I was so mad at God I remember crying out to him at night when I could have a moment in between just taking care of Luke and I was mad I was like worried like why why don't you just heal him already like why are you allowing all of this pain and during that time you know my days were full of making sure he ate enough making sure he took his medicine and writing it all down very very very very intense season taking him to the doctor making sure literally carrying him carrying him and taking care of him like a child he was literally either on the couch sure in the bed and and it was so hard to watch I think it was actually worse than then when I was ill myself was watching the one I love more than myself go through this hard time and I was in a struggle of just being angry and in exhaustion and I feel like I would I would cry out to God knowing he could heal him instantly right but he didn't and and almost seeing that sometimes when the Lord heals and he's he's in the process sometimes it's slow sometimes he heals quickly and it's a miracle I've had a lot of that I've had quick miracles but I've also had slow and grueling healing and it's been years it's taken years and and sometimes incremental healing it's like just when you want to like oh I'm tired of this with with autoimmune and colitis and him not having strength or energy it's like then he gets that much better and it's been years of that incremental thing so during that time you couldn't really play with Jude very very much I know that war on him during that time it broke my heart just seeing him so frail seeing seeing that he couldn't take care of himself but that the honor that I got to give him in loving him and taking care of him during that time I see fruit from that in our marriage that I would not trade that time now because we really grew as a couple during that time I feel like it gave us deep immeasurable love for each other knowing that we have each other's backs but also endurance I feel like a lot of hard difficult things when we're crying out to the God for healing and we're suffering that really felt like a time of suffering for me within myself and with just being an environment of suffering with him suffering every day and I feel like we were given strength like once you walk through and you get strength you get gifts from hard hard difficult things and so I feel like this year has been a year of rejoicing of a lot of things fulfilled not only just in my life or in my children's my kid's life but this year we finally heard the R word which is awesome remission we've been literally praying for that and it's kind of cool in the process because we have surrendered so once we were like you know we started out mad come on God like heal him and then I felt defeated for awhile and then I felt like strengthened in faith and once my faith was strengthened and I just trusted a trusted God with all of it and surrendered Luke you know as my husband as my best friend I felt like I acted more like I know you'll heal him in your time like you will heal him in your time and surrendered that and it felt like I just stood in faith and trust but that was after many years it didn't start like that and and I'm thankful that the Lord chose this way to heal him because it healed a lot more than just healing his body it healed a lot of emotions it's strengthened our marriage it's strengthened our family it touched many lives so he had a bigger plan but this year once we heard the R word remission I literally just started crying I just started crying in joy like I've been waiting to hear that you know like we we knew he would he would heal him but to actually have that come and happen it just felt like Christmas I felt like the biggest gift ever just to know that he is healthy and he is strong and he operates in grace now that our family is tighter than ever that our love our marriage vows have been tested through sickness and health a lot of people don't walk through that until they're old and gray and that we get to as younger people know that and know the intensity of that and so I feel like now we we walk in greater faith and in joy and celebration just because of his complete full healing and the complete full healing that the Lord had in mind through the process of his colitis during that time I would like to say that Jesus was pulling me through that time and he was but not with hearing him very clearly or yeah like I would like to say that but that wouldn't be the truth during that season during that season I had a mentor in my life her name Cindy and she really met me in a place of brokenness she has gone through a lot of trauma and healing in her life and addiction in her life and she actually had colitis as well so she actually came to our house when Luke was really sick and sat on the couch with me and just listened and on days where I felt so completely broken I could reach out to her and she wouldn't judge my brokenness or my process and my sadness through feeling like my husband wasn't there that he was kind of vacant during that time because he was used so sick so she has just been a mentor in my life since man since I was like 19 so it's kind of crazy and she's still a mentor in my life doctor every day but during that season she showed me that it was going to be okay like it was gonna be okay and that healing does happen and to contend for it so she was there the whole journey I would say Who I am now I have endurance that I wouldn't have if I wouldn't have walked through that journey I have strength and I didn't even know I had that was that was kind of beckoned out of me during that season I would say Who I am now is I have joy I have joy I have a true joy that that just can't be shaken by just normal probably miniscule problems it's like once you've had some actually big problems you have perspective I think perspective is another thing I have now that hey everyone's healthy and okay so it's okay that the milk was just spilled on the floor like that's not a big deal or things are canceled or don't go your way I feel like there's there's um we've built up a strength there

Channel: Unlock Your Freedom

Views: 130,044

Keywords: Courtney Smallbone, Luke Smallbone, Joel Smallbone, for KING & COUNTRY, Lewis Howes, Cimorelli, The Cimorelli Podcast, Fear, Courage, Joy, Endurance, Perspective, Healing, Ulcerative Colitis, Colitis, Podcast, Storytelling, Life Journey, Journey, I Am Second, What's Your Life Journey, Jesus, What's Your Story, School of Greatness, The School of Greatness, Kiera Miller, Unlock Your Freedom, Shame, Own Your Truth

Id: enZOTYnkwxg

Length: 8min 41sec (521 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 26 2018