CONVERSATIONS WITH- Julie Fast, Bipolar Educator and Author of "Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder"

[Music] welcome to conversations with my name is Shaylee hugendorn and I live with bipolar II disorder sharing with others is healing both individually and collectively sharing our stories will educate others bring more understanding shed more light and smash more stigma our voices need to be heard our stories aren't over yet this is bipolar hi everyone welcome back to this is bipolar conversations with I know you all know I get excited but I can hardly contain myself because I feel like we are already best friends so before we get started if this is your first time I'm Shaylee hugendorn I am my pronouns are she her I live on the unseated territory of the Coquitlam and Katie people I am a mom and I am a wife and a teacher and I live with bipolar II disorder and I'm so excited to have Julie fast here today if you don't already follow everything which you probably do and you probably have all the books go right now and follow her because I have learned so much and in fact it was the first I didn't tell you this yet but the first bipolar book I bought when I was ready to accept um my diagnosis so this is a very very exciting interview for me and Julie I would just love if you could tell people who you are and what you do well thank you I mean I've known about your work for so long and we've been trying to get to Rick Gathering you've been so patient so thank you well my name is Julie fast and I guess the best way to describe myself is that I started having symptoms of psychosis when I was 16 didn't know what they were of course and I'm sitting in a I always tell the story because it's so bizarre I went to high school in Hawaii I'm sitting in a bookstore reading The Far Side Comics because it's the 80s and I heard a big booming voice go you need to leave and I remember looking around and thinking is that my dad and there's nobody there were other people but nobody was talking to me and I got up and left that actually was my first Command Voice hallucination at 17 I went to Europe for the first time and Sheila I know you just yes Europe and so I had my first manic episode in Europe but nobody knew me very well it was schoolmates but only one of my friends went my parents weren't there I got excited I fell in love for the first time I had my first ever drink while I was there I wasn't tired I wasn't worried about my weight and I remember coming back to Hawaii and going what was that because I sort of went back to myself and then the next year I had a big manic episode and sort of left school and by big for me I don't mean full-blown psychotic Mania but quite manic mine lasted a very strong manic episodes that last about three months at a time yeah I went just absolutely wild and it had an amazing time I went to a university but then I started to get sick I left that University because I wanted to be next to a hockey team so I left college that College in Alabama called Auburn Alabama and went up to near Canada to a place called Bellingham so I could be near the Vancouver Canucks and watch Wayne Gretzky who was at Edmonton at the time and had no idea what was going on that I was 18. I then started having very strange symptoms of not being able to sit down in class of not going to class of being obsessed about men I have memories of going out in the woods with like glasses and throwing them against trees yeah I fell in love with the guy from Vancouver BC and moved in with him after only knowing him a few weeks he luckily was an amazing man then when he broke up with me I had my first psychotic suicidal depression at age 19 but typical bipolar got a job at Glacier National Park in Montana and got Manic and all excited and that pattern continued for 15 years until I was finally diagnosed with bipolar at age 31 because remember back then we didn't talk about bipolar 2 that much I'm actually in between bipolar one and two you know one of my mentors Jim Phelps Dr Jim Phelps who really helped you know talk about this whole concept of bipore spectrum I'm bipolar heavy bipolar II and then when I was put on the wrong meds I moved into bipolar one but I also have a psychotic it is it's it's we're all on a spectrum right and then I have a very separate psychotic disorder so you'll notice my psychosis symptoms arrive before my bipolar symptoms that doesn't happen in bipolar and bipolar psychosis is always attached to a menial or a depression right so I have bipolar what I call 1.5 I mean I'm literally right bipolar two bipolar one if I don't take care of myself I have full-blown manic cycle but I also have a psychotic paranoid delusional disorder that's very very serious so my deaf my diagnosis is schizoaffective disorder bipolar type I don't have schizophrenia I'm on the schizophrenia Spectrum schizophrenia is not a scary word to me bipolar psychosis I'm not embarrassed I'm not scared of any of this in fact the diagnosis saved my life but believe it or not before I was diagnosed I fell in love with a man from France while we were living in Tokyo and he was diagnosed with bipolar one a year before I was so I went through the whole process of his hospitalization and being very sick and almost dying it was very very serious I was diagnosed the next year after I let him left him and moved to go to school in China where I learned to speak Mandarin Chinese in four weeks because I was so manic I had a photograph that sounds familiar right finally diagnosed at age 31 but before that a doctor got to me put me on Zoloft which made me romantic oh it's been it's it's been so bad and before and then finally in 20 minutes I sat with I remember my first psychiatrist she goes my gosh you've had bipolar since you're like 17. she diagnosed me in 20 minutes so 15 years of true bipolar hell why can't Julie settle down why does she have your doctorate why isn't she a lawyer why are why do the people around her what's wrong with her why does she have so many boyfriends this kind of thing and then I did not respond well to medications at all and people who read my books know I'm very pro-meds we need them but I had excessive weight gain like massive I was not overweight when I started bipolar meds and I had gained 90 pounds within three years so I remember my partner Ivan was much more he responded to meds better than me I just didn't know what to do so I sat down and I wrote the first ever bipolar disorder management plan and that was in 1997 to 98 and that's what you see in all my books that's the plan I wrote it's for those of us who want to manage bipolar and psychotic disorders as naturally as possible because I still need meds and these days my work I've moved much more into the research um process because I've been doing this since 2002 was when my first book came out I wrote the first management book take charge I wrote the first partner book loving some with bipolar disorder then I wrote getting it done when you're depressed I have a treatment plan called the health cards which are an Insight training program I trained Healthcare professionals but my main work is with parents and partners who want to help a loved one stay in treatment and get into treatment and then I became a cannabis and other substance researcher over the last 13 years because I saw what cannabis marijuana did to me and what it's doing to our population and lately I've spent the last three years researching ketogenic metabolic therapy diets for bipolar and that's our future guys I got to tell you the keto diet was originally created for epilepsy and we take the same meds and so now there's people all over the world researching about the effects impossible you know positive use of Keto diets and bipolar so that that in a nutshell but the most important thing I think to tell people is that I'm very disabled by my bipolar I can work part-time I cannot work and have a social life so I either have to be in a relationship with a partner and be very very slow in my regular life and and go out and do things and have dinners and go to concerts or I work I have never been able to have an active social life and an active work life so I choose work right now I'm actually quite happy whatever but I'm sick a lot I still have a lot of struggles my paranoia keeps me from working in large companies I can't travel like I used to but I honestly can say I'm a very content person I don't wake up depressed like I did for most of my life I'm always on the edge of a mood swing and or paranoia but I've learned to manage it and I would overall definitely call myself a happy person who has a lot of challenges so that's my best yeah that's wow that's wild it just makes me so sad for you and for me in that that one word about not like that people couldn't figure it out for so long I'm the same I was 32 as well oh yeah so same and it's you know and it's genetic right so when I finally figured out that I'm third generation bipolar my grandfather and my father definitely have bipolar I didn't figure that out till I was much older because it can a lot of a lot of people especially men can have Mania that's very very rewarded in society as it was especially with my father and so realizing that I realized that I had to make sure that my nephew David who's my brother's child who's one of my best friends my nephew that we had to do everything possible to prevent bipolar substances and and lifestyle changes that could create genetically latent bipolar have it come out or if he does show signs of bipolar which he hasn't so far he's 21 we would be ready so it's generational and we need to talk about them yeah exactly and I can look back now and I like I'm the only one that sought help or healing and it would get explained away as personality quirks or or this or that and I have um I have two his daughters um I had them uh before I found out that I had bipolar disorder because we thought I just had depression my whole life and that the hypomatic knee was just me that's right that's the real me that's the happy me that's the you know or the irritated me or the leave me alone me or that's what's wrong with my world yeah and then you forget that's my thing with the hypo yeah with hypomania is that I forget and I think oh it was only good and then and then my husband's like um good for him yeah the people around us don't like Armenia strangers Strangers Like Armenia yes yes our bosses or people we work with often like Armenia because they can make money like entertainment or you know if we're an artist like Armenia but our our loved ones don't like Armenia yeah yeah and you mentioned your your book my husband um loving someone with bipolar and also is in the Facebook group I think it's called oh really that's wonderful yeah he's in the background he's not okay A lot of people are yeah yeah so so if you're someone and a lot of people actually ask me you know can you bring him on can you guys talk like this and I still tell them like we talk about it of course but it's actually really hard for me to listen to his to the reality yeah right not so much now but the before times it's just really hardened up so the podcast like people are like bring on loved ones due to this and I'm like actually for my own like management plan it I already feel all those things that to hear it so I've told people I'm sorry that's not I I bring on folks that have it that's they live with it one of the hardest things and I often say this to people they'll tell me I'm utilizing my meaning I'm like go ask five people in your life what they think about your Mania oh it hurts my nephew said you're embarrassing my friend Karen said to me when you start to make me angry I know you're Manic and these are people who love me yeah my mom says you talk so much I can't follow I asked by the way nobody was being rude I remember my ex-boyfriend Randy just going I just don't know what's going on sometimes you and I remember going oh they do see it yeah they do feel it when I'm telling them my 19th idea yes yes helps me a lot 27th text text that's right what if we did this or this or this you know I'm like so happy that text wasn't around when I had my full aren't you happy that video was what or no what if I had oh no we are so lucky now how old are you because I'm I think I'm a lot older than you I'm 45. yeah so I'm a good 10 years I'm I'm 59 so I'm 10 years older than you when I I remember I used to be so Manic and drunk I was lying in the street I like playing like thinking it was funny yeah and I know I would have lost my mind online yeah people yeah well and I look back of a pattern that you were talking about um loved ones or whatever if I look back at all the boyfriends that I had in high school how many boyfriends always broke up with me when I was depressed enter now see now I had a different path I was a late bloomer sort of I left all of my boyfriends when I was Manic and they would go why why are you leaving me and then when I'm depressed I would think I never have a boyfriend nobody loves me and I'm like but you just broke up no it's not the same thing I didn't really I was terrible I hurt so many people yeah you know and but isn't stability better oh 100 it is it's like I mean maybe it's not as exciting no I don't do as many things but oh my gosh I can't even believe I lived past 50. and so oh I'll take stability every day yeah we were talking about especially because she's a musician and people were like making money off her and people are excited about like our ideas and such but she was talking about when people go off their meds or think about going off their meds to to because you crave hypomania and your brain lies to you when you're depressed it tells you that is better right right so I don't know why people do it it's horrible don't do it never ever ever but I can understand why but you don't you do get more ideas but what her and I were talking is that to bring those ideas to like completion or to actually it doesn't matter if you have 27 Amazing Ideas and you never finish any of them whereas now yes I have less I have less but those things I can stick to like I would have never stuck to a podcast for three years because you get but also the thing to remember I actually just did a post about this because I'm I'm trying to do mostly you know bipolar education on my Instagram we have to understand that Mania is not creating our creativity it has to be in US so the talents that we have when manic are self-generated so there is no way that it's the Mania doing it what Mania does is it removes the thinking of I can't do that I'm not good enough this is won't be good enough it removes as I call it Mania never hesitates if you are creative if we are creative when manic that creativity is in us we have to learn to access it without the Mania that changed my life in fact in getting it done when you're depressed which I should have called getting it done when you're depressed anxious and have ADD because it's how I manage my life when I'm not doing well I create creativity I remember thinking I can't I had an earring I've got someone when I was really sick I started an earring business a jewelry business I made Tiaras and earrings a long time ago and I remember it was so easy when I was Manic and I was depressed I'd go uh but if I sat down and actually did it it wasn't as easy it didn't feel as good but you cannot tell the difference between the earrings I made when manic or the earrings I made when depressed and most people don't know a lot of my books the ideas maybe before I stopped I don't allow Mania to go anywhere in my life I would outline a book but I wrote all of my books when depressed and psychotic because the process made me sick you'd never know it from reading the books that I was depressed when I wrote them we've got to get rid of this idea that Mania creates creativity people with bipolar are not much more creative than other people that's a myth the bipolar have an episode that removes fear and hesitation wow because what is Mania controlling you know if you can get something done that you can't get done when you're depressed that's just because depression is telling you you can't and Mania is telling you you can so we have to be able to access it is it as exciting or vibrant or as colorful in our brains absolutely not but I don't I don't know that someone can look at a song or a poem or something that I did when stable or manic or depressed until the difference I can yeah that when I was manic yeah but it's it's an interesting thought isn't it and I think that helps a lot of us that there's hope yeah because Mania is dangerous yeah right like we even I can't comment on stars or whatever but you watch certain stars that won't like or famous people won't take medication because it'll take away their creativity and you see them like employed well I can comment on them because I often work with their family members I'll be honest with you and here's the thing let's look at Kanye and Brittany two of the most talented brilliant original unbelievable amazing people and the majority of the work we love is before their bipolar got bad it was not Mania in fact if you look at Brittany now because you know I do research meaning in the eyes we can tell when Britney's manic we can tell when Kanye's Manic and psychotic we can tell when someone's not doing well or they're putting something out online or when we are one of our colleagues are those are just talented people I do not believe they are like that because they have bipolar I think bipolar sits on top of them and affects their talent but think about Brittany you know before she got really sick remember when because I did a lot of interviews and TVs about that she did a huge amount of work way before she ever had a manic episode yeah to me now it's their bipolar that's holding them back I don't think it's bipolar that had much to do with their creativity they're just astonishing creative people yeah and I'll say this openly I think Kanye is sad he's so brilliant and he's he lost his family I lost my relationships when my mania when my illness wouldn't be treated I'm not a big fan of the Kardashians because of many reasons but when Kim Kardashian did the posts about their breakup as a as a bipolar partner specialist he wrote the first book ever also I know she knows my work I just just let me know I have not worked with her I'll tell you but she knows my work I looked at that amazing statement she made that's a statement every partner makes you know when you love someone who's brilliant but they cannot accept treatment then you have to walk away and that's basically what she said and I have to admire her for that you know and I admire your husband for being honest with you I admire my family and friends and my nephew for being honest with me because as people with bipolar we're nothing if the people don't around us don't tell us the truth yeah yeah and especially when I was really like before treatment and when I was just starting to to get better or whatever I'd have to get him to write it down because I couldn't hear the words at first it was too pain true yep yeah but when I can read it I could because what I try to explain to people and I don't know if you feel the same thing is that I think I get defensive or angry or whatever it's because I have already berated myself to death I already know how much I affect the people around me and those kind of things so then when they even though it is absolutely fair that they should be able to say they're uh you know what how their experience is it literally I've learned to work on it but it literally would destroy me before it it the other night I was working with a dear dear friend of mine and I was very irritated I guess it was a couple months ago and I snapped at her something I never do I still can't get over that I did that and and I'm like it was on a zoom call because I moved and she's one of my best friends I have apologized I have said I was sick she has Let It Go Do you know that even now when I talk to him like she's mad at me I was mean to her yeah I I snapped at her or somebody I love so much I was in a downswing and so what I do now because I work with a lot of people that if I'm really having a tough time and I can feel myself going I will turn off my video and I'll say to them you got I'll say guys the irritation is really getting me today I am not going to take this out of you I'm going to turn off my video for a minute and make some faces and do some snorts and get some pissed off out of me and then I'll be back because the humiliation is so bad with this illness and you know the more we work and also the more success we have the harder bipolar is to manage so bipolar is not an illness that only responds to breakups and failure it responds to new relationships and book deals you know it's terrible I know some something what I just found out that I got this this and this and I'm crying from stress this is so unfair and you're right it's unfair it is it is unfair and uh it I sat in that for quite a while before I could finally you know what I mean step forward into it I wasn't I was like totally surprised and not surprised at all if that makes sense because I was someone that didn't seek like every time I got depressed I wanted to know like I give me all the medicine like I wasn't like that um my mom was a nurse so I didn't have a a problem with uh medication like thinking about medication that way um but they they just couldn't get it right but then at the same time like just knowing I was like you have a word for it we have something to move forward but then I'll realize the word I have for it is scary to everybody else it and you know do you know it's interesting I don't know if I was just naive or the fact that I had been in Japan for so many years or whatever but to me it never entered my mind not to tell people I had bipolar it never I've never had a moment not even one moment of Shame about having this illness because my behavior went undiagnosed is what I found shameful not the bipolar diagnosis it was the sex the STDs the almost getting killed than not telling people where I was the strange hotel rooms the leaving jobs 40 jobs I think I've had like 40 jobs that to me was far more embarrassing so bipolar gave me a word for it not an excuse that's an explanation so I told everybody I was proud that it wasn't me yeah like a fundamental personality flaw right right and and also this is so it's so funny when people say I don't believe in labels and I'm like well if you had diabetes you probably would not call that a label yeah but bipolar as you know doesn't care whether you say the word bipolar or not your symptoms are still there yeah so it's like you can you can say to yourself um I don't like the word epilepsy but you're still going to have seizures yeah and we cannot like the word bipolar but we're still going to have mood swings psychosis and anxiety so an irritation so I don't find that that that's so interesting like so my best friend has diabetes and she has a pump and we were away we took our kids I didn't get to go sadly into the space but took our daughters to Taylor Swift it's such the in thing right now it's so exciting for people to do oh my gosh we sat outside we were like the old ladies that sat outside they have the concert of people sit outside to listen who can't open like in Seattle it's in that open thing so we could hear and let me tell you if I had this joke but if I could have a visual of hypomania it would be that lineup of those rad sparkly outfits isn't it and it was awesome to see like it just as a visual obviously it wasn't hypomania everyone was just excited and exactly like quilt at home the thing to remember too is when you look at someone like Taylor Swift you know Taylor Swift is stable there's no question about you couldn't do what you could what she's doing if she were not stable but it's sort of like contained creativity right and she pays a price for her creativity as well we don't get to contain our creativity when we're man yeah and you know and in fact you were you were talking about this podcast and it makes me think about the role that work has for all of us and right now I'm I'm in a situation and I'm interested to know if the listener and and you are in the same thing which is the more people want for me from me the more success I have the sicker I am but if I say no I feel sad and lonely and it costs financially to not say yes to the big deals so one of the big things about bipolar even those of us who can work part-time or people who are on disability which I have been on Etc it's managing this sort of the emotional stress of trying to figure out how to use our considerable talents and intelligence without getting sick from it right and I would I I would love to be like Taylor Swift have a dream do an album do this do this I don't I don't get that for example if I get a book deal I know that it's going to be six months of absolute he double toothpicks I will not be well during the whole process my agent knows my publisher knows my family knows I have to sort of go in a hole somehow get that creative process out of me and I'll be sick the whole time there and there's no way around it it's been 20 years yeah so I really imagine it's like it's like giving birth right it's painful but you have a product after so I'm happy to have the product but the process is very painful for me for work yeah yeah but I thought it was really beautiful I was inspired by like that how best you are about that and like how boundaried you are because when we were first going to you're like I'm writing a book get a hold of me in the summer and I was like awesome like and you did and that's not amazing someone just tell me like this is what I need and it's interesting because my co-host Julie Craft um she is an artist and she writes she wrote her Memoir but now she writes children's books and she like she does all the art like she does the whole thing she's a painter too so but when she does something like that and that's why she's not a co-host right now that's all she can do in fact and I think that's you know and imagine doing that and if you have bipolar yeah yeah he doesn't show up on social media at all it doesn't answer you know how many breaks I take I put my notice up I'm not and that's another thing you know we can talk to social media for a minute because yeah I do not try to get followers on social media I cannot handle it in fact I have a lot of if my followers go up and up and up I get fear and paranoia and worry oh it's not pleasant for me and when I get attacked online I'll start crying I get psychotic almost immediately I think about quitting that's why online bullies are so serious and I take them so seriously I had someone not so long ago tell me that I was a fake and a fraud and that my research isn't real because I'm not a PhD and then she went on another huge group and started talking about me and you get to the point where you're like I can't do this I can't because I'm bipolar and you know this I a fake and a fraud I've devoted my life to bipolar right so you try to do something but if someone's a bully they're never going to back down right but an amazing thing happened because somebody told me they saw the post people wrote underneath well I've worked with Julie and I don't feel the way you do so think Heaven somebody is coming to our rescue a bit because online is nasty man it's like it hurts it does you're stupid and I was like I don't know yet so that's why I am not a big fan of I would never call myself an influencer or anything that's why I don't do a huge amount on Instagrams I don't want too many followers because I'll start to get stressed you cannot interact with people oh you cannot interact how many followers I think I've got 13 14 000 or 15. I don't know how many people do I need to follow me if I want to interact what what would I do with the I have buy my books if the hundreds of thousands of people have bought my books that's great about a hundred thousand followers on Instagram how could I yeah I'm the opposite because how would we manage it though Shaylee how can we have integrity in our bipolar and sleep and fear and worry how would we manage the comments for me that's one thing so there's other things that I can't have for sure but I think the way I because I'm like I'm bipolar aside right I'm an extrovert depressed or me too I'm the same I'm a depressed anxious extrovert yeah same but also like I uh for me it's my space of um Gathering like Gathering oh so you think of it like Gathering people that are in the dark and alone or like me didn't have anywhere to go so I don't think I even though I know I'm obviously there's a lot of followers I get that I'm not being oblivious but I think of it like I like I think of yeah I think of myself and I think how I didn't know anyone when I looked online I found Doom like I couldn't see a face that was like you know Bible gives you pleasure it does and not too much like it's not I know I understand yeah and I plan things and I've given myself permission as and I used to feel a little bit embarrassed at first I show up how I am so like absolutely and I love that about you I like that you you do and well and I think this also is the difference and I'm pretty open about this I don't only have bipolar as you can see most of my reaction to that stress is paranoia I think that is my paranoid psychotic disorder coming out when I worked I worked as a sports marketer for many many years and I would not tell people that I was the creator of the of the product because I remember I used to do Twitter when I did I was in soccer and soccer is a big thing right and people would start writing me I was paranoid why are they writing well Julie they read your article and I remember getting sick and crying with my therapist and having to take my Twitter page down because it was successful so I think that's more my paranoia that makes because I have lots of things if I don't feel up for it I have a half of stuff I did before so it's this weird thing where when as soon as I gave myself one permission to show up total mess I don't like sometimes I probably drive people bananas because I don't edit and then I'll go back and I'm like because I know if I don't just put it out there it won't happen that's right I have so many so many but you know I think you bring up something important about social media if we are not our real selves we will be caught out eventually the filter you notice I'm 59 years old and I started in this business when I was in my 30s and I did not have aging face yeah sometimes I'll look in and I'll go oh my and I was like nope no filters no lies no manipulation because it will never make us lose sleep we will never be caught out in a scandal we will never be in trouble because if you're you're a real self online who can ever bother you yeah and you know what you find your right people too right that's true the people that like I've had some rude stuff and some you could tell it's Bots like I hate bipolar people I'm like really I found a way and I've worked hard at it and I therapy and whatever I found a way to show up on the space in the beautiful parts of social media and I I agree with you it's beaut there are so many yeah beautiful things but it's it's Tippy right because like I had an imposter thing and I I could have went low blow and taken her out because I have a lot of followers and I was upset and like she was trying to take the name of the podcast isn't it amazing do you know that that plagiarism is the number one problem in my field can you believe somebody would do that but then do you think she was ill um possibly possible right we never know because we're in a field where we've gotten ill and people get ill and do some Terrible Things yeah and you can tell sometimes too and I used to in the beginning of someone because you can tell when someone's like very manic or they're uh irritably and I can tell that my vulnerable post has hit something right and so I used to just delete their Comics I'm like oh they're not they're not happy they don't love it but now I try to respond back like just just kindly like do you know what I mean and just oh sure oh yeah because I want to be like what do you mean I work so hard on this but I would be like hey friend you know that actually hurts my feelings please tell me more about this and I'm trying to have those and you know what nine times out of ten if they weren't really really sick they'll be like you know what hey I just had like you know this appointment and that I know and we can have that so but I have to be really hard to not knee jerk if I need jerked online I I would well it hurts her yeah it really hurts our work and yeah but the online world has been wonderful and I I'm in an interesting situation because I started in 2002 so everything I've done has been online yeah so I never had a career in this career in the bipolar world that wasn't on so I'm really used to it but there's a reason people can't get in touch with me very easily you have to curate it right you cannot have your email out there you cannot let people contact you or know where you live yeah that yeah and that's the with me the meeting one-on-one right like I'm just not comfortable I've had people try to call me through Instagram and I'm just I don't know I answer all my direct messages but my I I started I was the first you know coach in in the Bible so many years ago but I never have worked I don't work with somebody who has the illness because first of all as a coach what a coach does is it connects people to services so that's what it does say I work with their doctors or lawyers I do a lot of Court work in this kind of thing but it's first of all the main thing about working with people with bipolar and I include myself is they don't show up for appointments so it was it was uh whereas if it's a parent and partner they're there every time that's just more of a scheduling kind of situation and that's why I answer all my DMs if somebody's in struggle I'll answer my DMs yeah me too I can't do that if you have too many followers yeah I'm behind I I needed I'm a little behind right now but I'll catch up yeah and I tell people that and I say if I did like if it's been a couple months and I missed it send it again because maybe it got you know but it it's you know the Instagram's gotten gotten quite big and I forget like I thought Julie and I's moms would listen to this podcast when we first started and it made me realize and I think that's what gives me like once a month I want to tear everything down I'm just like oh my gosh it's all out there it's terrible I'm terrible take it all down and then I breathe and then I remind myself of why my brain is telling me this and then and then I go I'm curious you we're talking a little bit about work a little bit about social media um I would love to talk about like work and bipolar disorder disclosure or how hard it is to um oh yeah what people have talked to you about how hard it is to work like you've mentioned about you you know you can work or be in relationship you can hide out and and be you know manage best you can but still be sick but to put out a product so you you know yourself really well um yeah I would love to talk about that because a lot of people I know including myself struggle struggle with the the work I do yeah my best advice is is that if you're in a job where your bipolar is not getting in the way then you don't have to say anything it's your it's your business but as someone like myself so I'll tell you I when I was doing my Sports Marketing and I'm a World Cup specialist and so from about I think I started in 20 trying to think when I started a long time ago so I've done five sort of like five major world cup campaigns and then the last years that I did it I did the Women's World Cup as well because it's gotten so famous right and I remember sitting down with the people I worked with and I usually would we'd do it through a pub and then I worked with Nike and ESPN and all this kind of stuff I sat down and I said I have a paranoid psychotic disorder and bipolar you know that because I'm all over the Internet you will not be able to tell people that I am your marketer which is really sad because it it's these enormous things would happen and nobody knew they were attached to me but it's the only way I could do it so recognition is not pleasant for me I said you will have days where I will be saying things like I'm getting the feeling that you know this isn't going well and I'm fighting this and I'm worried that people are mad at me and you you will have to know that here's what you say to me I need you to learn about bipolar disorder and my work and then we leave it at that and then it is up to me to manage it I often feel weird like here I am do doing this High amazing incredible job I did one event where I did most of the coordinating with all of the ESPN and all the stuff and then the amazing English pub where I was working and then they did a lot of the stuff anyway it's a very long thing and Nike brought a big screen and I remember sitting there and there were over 3 000 people who came to this event and I had to leave because I got so paranoid and I watched the World Cup final at home by myself while crying and there was nothing anyone could do about it yeah there was nothing that I could have done differently I did my job but the fact that I don't get to enjoy it and I think that might be one of the reasons I don't really do that work anymore is that if you're not going to get the recognition and the name and the clients having to do everything almost in secret because I get so sick so it's a trade-off if the reward of the work for me writing books is just a nightmare while doing them because they're difficult they're like 500 pages right oh yeah but holding the book in my hand like the last edition of Take Charge worth it yep there it is worth it look at the cover man it's fantastic beautiful worth it but in the moment I have notes the whole time I can't do this I'm going to die I can't do this this is miserable why do I do this so I write it out I let myself go through it I cry I talk to my agent whatever but we still get a project and I still do it on time so the actual book is worth it whereas if I had a job where there weren't an output where I didn't like my work where maybe I had trouble with co-workers no way could I do that level of work so it comes down to is the reward of the work and whatever bipolar comes up worth it or do you do a job that doesn't affect your bipolar so it might not be as exciting it might not be where you want to be but it allows you to make money support yourself and then go home and be yourself there is no easy answer now if you do need accommodations at work because of your bipolar then 100 percent tell them for example in the United States and Canada is sort of simple similar you can have a psychiatrist say that you have to have a room with a window you can have a psychiatrist say that you have to have this many breaks or this kind of thing because it's a disability I mean it's really a disability right but then it's been a hard one for me right you feel embarrassed and you're like oh my gosh here I am what are they I'm a sales manager and they're going to think on you do it and you're like all right so once again it's all trade-off does that mean I'm going to be able to keep my job if I don't do that and I stay silent or am I going to burn out get sick get manic or depressed or psychotic and quit or get fired so maybe I need to grow up a little bit you know if I were in a wheelchair I would have to ask for accommodations so when I work with anybody with my last publishing company I had a new editor told her all of this you're you might get a weird email from me I'll try not to but you might you'll notice that I have trouble you might notice that I'm psychotic you might notice that I'm crying work through it she was great but I had to tell her yeah and that's just how it is I had to tell him it's a little a little weird because um I'm uh a teacher so before I had my children I taught full time only for like a couple years and um because then I had my children I stayed home but I um I remember when I first got the job I didn't eat or sleep for like six months I was so excited about my job and everything and I eventually leveled out and could do it but knowing when I went back with my kids I like to say it's a choice um and it is but also I know deep down that full-time teaching if I went back to the classroom full-time I wouldn't I can't work full-time I wouldn't be a good mom I wouldn't be and luckily like my husband where I I have that privilege we have a renter so that I don't have to work full-time but I still do love teaching so everybody's like offers me jobs all the time but I've been to seen for over 10 years and it works for me this is what happens because people with bipolar are brilliant I mean I don't think anybody's going to deny that we are upset we have an odd kind of intelligence we're not necessarily smarter but there's no question we are Learners people with bipolar I call this polymath autodidactic we're self Learners with lots of Interest we like to travel and it's not just the Mania it's us but you know I can imagine people listening to this and going well gosh maybe you guys have the luxury of working part-time and I yeah I want to encourage people well then you're on disability part-time and working part-time you find a way around this or maybe you do have have to accept help from a partner or family member maybe you do I live with a family member I don't have any desire to live alone there's no way I can buy support and run a big house anymore I did it when I was younger it's impossible so I am not embarrassed about the need if I'm in a relationship with a partner and he wants us to be together there's no way I can work the way I work now he will not get my attention so we would have to talk about you know where money goes and what we do I think people get the idea that not working and not supporting yourself is a bad thing there are many people who give love and attention and parenting and kindness and help and and helping around the house who are lovingly supported by a partner or family yeah I've been so lucky now I've had times I do have to support myself right so I think people with bipolar have to find work if we don't have someone on the outside helping us with money we have to find work that pays in a way that we can work less if we're really sick or we have to learn to live within our means if we're on disability and then supplement that we know how to make cash you know what I mean we know what to do and the internet has allowed a lot of this and I guess the most important thing about this topic is that first of all it's ever changing I'm 59 I'm going to be 60 soon and I still have to find a work-life balance it's still hard for me it never got easier it never got easier right because they have bipolar but I have enormous goals and dreams another thing that you can do is exchange in other words with something you're good at you can exchange it let's say you're great at cleaning houses believe me you can trade that for somebody who's great at graphic design you they will trade it and I've learned that bartering system made a really big difference for me as I was especially learning better about my work and what to do but I'm never going to say it's easy I don't know many people with bipolar who simply go work a 40 50 60 hour job without having some kind of substance problem yeah or they crash for a time period and then crash so there are are they out there of course they are there are certain types of bipolar where meds work great and you can do this but you know what let's be honest it's rare yeah it's rare I found that once yeah I found that once I could I I know you said it somewhere I know it was something to do I found it really freeing where you were talking about how like you know managing your bipolar first and and such because I treat bipolar first it's the only way I live it's the only way because it means for a long time and I you know I know I still have it I know and then I'm surprised like I can't believe I'm in an episode like that's right what I was doing so well not again well yes again you know and I was beating myself up for it and my favorite thing is how you just talk about like I won't apologize for it because I feel like for uh but wait I I it's not it's not that I would not apologize I'm not going to apologize for having bipolar yeah I absolutely would apologize if my mood swings got me yeah or if I was unkind or if I said something oh I absolutely would apologize but I don't have to apologize for my bipolar because that's what what I mean because I feel like I've spent you know one of my biggest understood as makes sense now um and but also I feel like I spend a lot of time and I still have to undo that stigma but you know it's of almost apologizing for like my existence do you know what I mean I do and often I I so understand and often that's a depression because we those are depression that's how I can tell when I'm in a mood swing is that things are just harder when I'm in a downswing because I think when we're stable you thymia when we're stable I don't think we have thoughts like that I don't think we think about our bipolar that much so it's either ignoring it and not seeing it when we're manic or being so entrenched in the depression but when we're stable we sort of just get on with life and then maybe too much and then that's when the mood swing hits us again I don't have a lot of stability because the kind of bipolar I have is pretty constant but I don't dwell on my bipolar the way I did when I was really depressed all the time yeah yeah you know I think the one thing it's been such a beautiful thing um the podcast and this and it's actually like really changed my life and been very healing but I'm not going to lie about the hard things right I didn't talk about my bipolar this much which is healing and beautiful but also I feel like I'm reminded every day so some days I just you know I don't want to be reminded but then I'm like this even though this is hard it's it's better than the stuffing down but it wasn't as much on my radar now that I'm podcasting I'm showing up on Instagram I miss I didn't think about it as much but I think it's helping with like what you talk about taking charge is that it would surprise me before because I don't think I thought about it enough that's interesting to be because it's your work now you have to look at it more and and I I just want to encourage you know the listener that we're all on this sort of Journey and I think we're much more accepting let's say that you do have a friend with diabetes and let's say especially if it's diabetes one right where they have to use excellent pump like your friend they have to think about their diabetes all of the time because you have to be careful about what you're eating you have to be careful with exercise with stress all of this it's really similar for us and if we see it as a physical illness I think that's a lot easier I don't have the first of all I'm not scared I used to be very very scared because I was very close to dying many many times I have psychotic suicidal depression and now that I've learned to manage that and I have some meds that help Etc the fear of the bipolar I'm still mad I still hate my bipolar it's it really really is a disability for me I can't speak for everybody it keeps me from doing many things but I'm not as scared of it and and my management skills match the bipolar now whereas before the bipolar was stronger than my management because I can't take very many meds so I'm better now at management and I really do not need as much help as I used to I can do most self in most of my my management is internal now and that includes around practice right like just doing this same thing because I find like rhythms are hard for me I'll do them perfectly or not at all right that's right and that's and I think I've figured out for myself with the work is that um even it like I can't just teach like that's why I have the podcast like but not too many before we are so many things I'm like to the T I need more creative outlets and like I am I'm proud of myself that I've stuck with this like when Julie was going to write her book I'm like I don't know I mean can I do something entirely new I should start a new business and then I was like that is your bipolar oh you know what Bravo because you're that Insight that you have of can I take this on can I keep this going who's relying on me what can I do and it's not only maturity we can also get that at a very young age too by realizing what do I want because if I don't manage my bipolar it's going to take everything from me anyway so why not sit back and decide do I want to get my masters do I how do I finish college am I going to take that trip to Europe how do I treat bipolar first that's the whole thing that I teach in my books and that's prevention and doctors cannot teach us this because they don't have enough time no no and so and I don't know what's different in the private system but here you would be appalled because it doesn't matter if you're in crisis or not you go you your choices are emerge or be on a year and a half weeks it's the same yeah it's the same here I have so many clients where their loved ones are in a stress and for example just got out of the hospital it in July next appointment's in November and it was not like that before coven so we have you know we have a huge there's a big movement that I'm a part of I'm not much of an advocate because I can't do you know politics that I tend to get sick but we need to remove bipolar from um Psychiatry it needs to go to neurology um Psychiatry as much as I love my co-author whom I loved he died of cancer but one of my best friends all of my psychiatrist friends who are my mentors Dr Jim Phelps who wrote the intro to take charge they are the greatest and when I look at what they do they are so much more than just a pill or just an appointment for 20 minutes and we need to move these to neurology this is a neurological genetic illness there's no I don't think there's no question and we need to look more at like there's a book that just came out called brain energy by Dr Chris Palmer and I interviewed him for take charge and that's this new work that's coming with keto and there's a whole new way of looking at these illnesses called the metabolic theory of these illnesses which is that those of us who have the illnesses have a different kind of metabolism so the way that we manage our bodies through sleep and what we eat Etc we can use that to get better it's not saying that what we eat gives us bipolar that's impossible because people in China have the same amount of bipolar as people in Ireland and you could not have two more different diets and I remember you said one thing you said is it's in I held on to this for some reason I love the wording about being an ancient illness it's an ancient what do you mean about that well literally you can look at the oldest written parts of there's an Egyptian Scrolls and the Greeks and all of this and then I'm sure in China you have the same thing 3000 BC talked about epilepsy diabetes schizophrenia and bipolar wow 3000 BC the symptoms have not changed it's now thought and of course you would add depression because you've got the mood all of those are considered genetic are they always genetic we don't bipolar I think is always genetic but others whatever they're all considered now to be metabolic illnesses that affect it's the the effect of all of the organs that put out the hormones including our brain is an organ and that the insulin the way insulin is created the way food gives us energy there's a chance maybe that people with bipolar are not getting brain energy from their food especially the inability to metabolize carbs and it has nothing to do with weight gain has nothing to do with it and this is a new Theory and it's the only Theory I've seen in a very very long time that makes sense because we know that meds work for us so it has to be neurological it cannot be trauma it's bipolar is not trauma-based trauma affects bipolar but it's not trauma-based we know that norepinephrine dopamine acetylcholine serotonin dopamine all those serotonin excuse me um cortisol melatonin we know that if we take any kind of substance that affects those it affects our bipolar or if we can a med that helps with that it can help our bipolar we know it's neurological we know it's brain chemistry so if we can eat in a certain way and it's not the keto diet for many people is not pleasant it's not a weight loss it's it's a neurological change and we can start especially Gaba which I don't think I mentioned affecting Gaba which is sleep because bipolar is a Sleep Disorder so I highly recommend looking at brain energy looking at the keto diet for epilepsy there's a place called The Charlie Foundation that talks about that and that's where my research has been for three years and where it's going to go for the future because what we have now is not enough Psychiatry as much as I love a lot of people in Psychiatry it has failed us yeah oh can I be honest so it scares me when you say that just because when I'm depressed I have such disordered eating or I get like hyper focused or and well and I'm vegetarian this is why but I also have an eating disorder and this is why this is so important the keto that you're seeing on Instagram is not the keto I'm talking about okay so simply means that you're getting your energy from high quality fat such as olives or or coconut or avocado versus getting your energy from glucose from carbohydrates it's not a good or a bad thing so for example a healthy person who doesn't have bipolar could eat a Mediterranean diet or I live in France and Japan those are not low carb diets and they don't get sick from them so it's not saying that one food or another food is bad right it is actually changing the way the body metabolizes the food okay so that then the blood and all of the stuff that is affected which is usually by the insulin doesn't create what many of us get called metabolic syndrome from our medications because that's why we can gain weight even though we haven't changed our eating so the new theory is just like an epilepsy it must be that insulin and insulin production is affecting the way our organs create the neurotrant this is a theory by the way so it's I understand about oh my gosh not a diet that sounds horrible but it is a medical diet okay so for example if you had IBS irritable bowel syndrome or celiacs yeah nobody's going to say oh my gosh a diet without gluten instead they're going to say here's a way that you're not running to the bathroom every 10 minutes and you're scared to go to a movie that's what the this new ketogenic metabolic therapy it is looking at it's not the bacon eggs cheese pepperoni okay a chocolate thing that you see on Instagram there's nothing wrong with that I call that basic keto it's great for weight loss this actually is much more nuanced and much more oriented towards the the movement of neurotransmitters so for example many of us have movements from our meds and the keto diet is very very good at helping with with Gaba so there's now research now to see if when somebody's given an antipsychotic if they're also given a prescription and help of following a keto diet can it prevent tardive dyskinesia so this is a medical diet this is not about weight loss so so if someone was listening right now I want to be very clear they would talk to a doctor about this and not you know and that's what and that's where that's where my research is coming in so you can everybody can go to juliefast.com and there's you'll see a quote from Dr Chris Palmer and all the nutritionists I work with there are ketogenic nutritionists around the world who already work in epilepsy we're now starting there's a group called the bazooki foundation in fact when I send you the info for you talked about you know all my bio and my pictures I'll send you the links to this because believe me this is our future and I would say in 10 Years everybody with bipolar is going to be taught about the ketogenic diet okay right now and I was really excited but I was like I don't know what to do with that information that I just right so we have to learn and that's why so I I'm doing a 12-week research program right now and I'll be putting and I'm going to write a book and my book is going to be different though so my book is what do you you need to know about keto to get started with keto I'm not to do keto it's too hard and this research group in fact I'll share one piece of info about the research group yes there are 24 people in the group which is a very good sample size I had almost 140 people answer a Facebook excuse me an Instagram post in one weekend saying I want to be in this group then about 60 applied and then I took about 27 two had to leave because they were manic which is fine one just had to leave because it was too much no problems there but I have 17 I think people with bipolar and four with family members who are either a partner or family member I can 100 tell you the difference between the way the family members are learning about this and practicing it is so profoundly different than those of us with bipolar that I cannot even describe it so if you look at just and I'm teaching it in a different way um and I'm not teaching people how to do keto I'm teaching people about out keto so that they can decide what they want to do whether they're going to do basic or work with a nutritionist people with bipolar those and I include myself in this need at least double the time to learn the topic than the four now it's a small sample group but I've seen this in my other work then the four people without bipolar the people with keto have a much excuse me with bipolar of a much more emotional attachment to changing the diet than the four without bipolar the people with bipolar are react to the keto diet much differently it's a lot difficult it is it can cause Mania versus the four people who are stable interacting with the research project because there's some requirements there's a lot to do read a thousand times easier for the four people without bipolar I'm literally watching just by accident because I thought oh look I'm going to figure out how to best teach bipolar I am watching how hard it is for people with bipolar to do something new versus stable people I I can't even I I so for example on Facebook I do a lot of interaction because it's a private group and you can see who's commenting and right at the top are the four and by the way I'm not complaining because I want their input yeah here's what I did today here's what I I'm gonna do here's what I read um they're probably 80 percent of comments yep and that's why my work is with parents partners and Healthcare professionals because those of us with bipolar we need time we need support we need help I'm not suggesting somebody listening to this goes and starts keto it's too hard yeah go start learning start with take charge it's got the keto section look at my website write me on Instagram I've got a um I'm starting I have a Instagram keto page which I don't do much with yet but and then read about it read Dr Palmer's book Brain energy and realize keto if it works means less meds not no meds I'm not saying that less side effects less medication weight gain less metabolic syndrome less tardive dyskinesia and that's very well documented what's not documented is if it's going to help us manage Mania and psychosis right right so we're very clear that it works with epilepsy movement sleep that kind of thing very clear it works with weight loss but we have many years of research until we can say that it is going to help us manage bipolar but I I'm going I'm all in I'm on year four and so far I have not been able to stay on the keto diet consistently because I have side effects so that tells me it's working like a medication interesting interesting yeah wow I'll send you more info for women I would love that because I actually the only time that I have had some like oh I didn't talk to you about talking about this okay so two problems I'm having with online are it seems like now everybody that has bipolar is now calling themselves a bipolar coach which I'm struggling it's a big struggle in fact I have to be very careful because as the first literally I was which I was I normally am the first I started 13 years ago and there was no such thing as a bipolar coach but you'll notice that my coaching I do it through two private groups for partners the stable bed and then through parents and caregivers the stable table I also work as a healthcare professional trainer and a continuing education trainer I would never ever work with someone with bipolar or call myself a coach of people with bipolar that's dangerous see but I know I'm like need to find another word like a peer well you can say if you want to say peer support or support and I and I I am very careful I've had a very long career I started in my 30s I'm now almost 60. I'm not ever having controversy um people can be very cruel people can be very upset I am very I also have a system I'm systematic people read my books but I watch I can give you some background because I I speak I'll speak to anybody in the bipolar Community because that's my that's my giving right I give and I have absolutely had some people who have large followings Etc get Manic and be so awful and horrific to me and direct message that I won't work with them anymore and they are saying I'm a bipolar coach I'm a bipolar peer specialist and I'm like that's fine but we all need checks and balances if I'm manic or depressed or psychotic you will not see me online I remove myself until I get myself well enough to come back so there's an Integrity we have to have I would never ever call myself a coach of people with bipolar that's why you don't see on Instagram coach yeah it and it's like beautiful people with good hearts and that they can it's fine and I think they do good work but you you their liability is enormous and you'll see a lot of people who do that Crash and Burn yeah and so the product all of a sudden you see these apologies that come up I'm sorry and I'm like I'm not going there as a person with bipolar I control myself so I'm not knocking anybody else's work no no I just feel like Tread Like I just feel like that's uh because someone's like very very careful coach I'm like 100 I'm not like I just the word it well I think I think if people understand what coaching right if people understand what coaching is I'm not a therapist I'm not a doctor but and actually truthfully I'm much more than a coach because I do Court work so I'm a court I'm an expert right yeah and that's a little bit different but then I've written like nine books and I've been trained by psychiatrists from all over the world it's a little bit different but in coaching what you're doing is you're encouraging someone and helping someone find the resources needed but if you're talking to somebody about their personal bipolar that's difficult and I won't do that Marvel I'm glad you you said that but that's just me once again please know yes there were so many people out there who help and who work and who are doing things and I don't want anybody to think I'm putting down their choices I'm only talking about for myself for my integrity and that's why I've never gotten trouble with anything that I do I've never had a life soon yeah I've never and I think it's just the word for me I'm just like oh I just want well it's the N word because it's the same word be a bipolar buddy or a peer right yeah but anyways that's sidetracked what I want to talk to you about is something that a lot of people don't talk about online and I love how you take this head-on I would love for you to talk to us about what you know about bipolar and substances because I get a ton of messages I know I have an addictive personality I know that so I don't I don't even touch a sip of alcohol or anything um I don't judge people that do but I also know your research says no no no no no no so there's certain things can you speak to the things that um yeah like substances and bipolar and the things that you know because I'm always sitting at your feet when you talk about these things well I started it sort of by accident I started a research project when cannabis marijuana was legalized for the first time in the world in 2012 in the United States completely by accident I had used a lot of weed I smoked a lot of weed in the 80s and so I'm not anti-weed so when this new weed came out and I had been a coach for two years at that time very successful and I started to see people writing me and saying my loved one did this they did that he's and I'm like that's that's not my place is this schizophrenia Etc So within two years of the legalization of cannabis my entire coaching business which was helping parents partners and Healthcare professionals get people bipolar in care and schizophrenia schizoaffective care completely changed and in the space of two years almost everything became about the incredible increase in psychosis that we were seeing because of the high THC in cannabis and at first I didn't believe it at first I thought this is an imp this is not happening but by 2014 it was so obvious to me that we had an enormous problem and that's when this read the big research I'm I did started I spent the last it has been 15 years but in 2014 cannabis was added substances that affect the Bipolar brain and so I created a list that I didn't put out until this year because I wanted to make sure it's in a book so in the second edition of Take Charge there's a whole chapter that everybody with bipolar who cares about bipolar someone a healthcare professional Etc must read called the bipolar significant seven and it's seven categories of substances that always always can affect the Bipolar brain so some of the categories include stimulants we don't like stimulants we actually people with bipolar love stimulants but our brain like stimulants because they affect serotonin they affect dopamine they affect so many things so if you look at meth cocaine Adderall all of those kind of things you just need to know that a stimulant is going to affect the Bipolar brain that's why I am not a believer in using stimulants and bipolar because if you do Ritalin Adderall consider all these things you have to add an antipsychotic on top of it or we'll get manic I can't imagine putting something in my brain where I have to add a heavy mood stabilizer antipsychotic on the top of it do stimulants help us yes but they make us manic right so another thing is is a lot of people think oh caffeine well truthfully caffeine in the morning is not going to bother you and caffeine does not automatically cause Mania it doesn't caffeine affects sleep that can affect bipolar so caffeine is not on my list even though it's a stimulant amino acids supplements an enormous problem amino acids are enormously effective in creating serotonin changes Etc well why do you think people love five-hour energy in Monster it's not the caffeine and sugar it's the amino acids it's the taurine and the carnitine those are just pure on those are amino acid drinks and they make us mayonnaise we like them steroids whether they be illegal or not illegal sarms all this kind of stuff enormous problem but the number one problem we're having right now is the Resurgence of hallucinogenics and I'm not anti-drug I don't care what someone does but it's destroying destroying our bipolar world so when weed was legalized what they were supposed to legalize because nobody had checks and balances was the weed we had in the 80s and that is a very low THC High CBD weed and the CBD is the calming it helps with sleep it's like munchie it's cool you think you're having fun the THC is the full-on stimulating gluconeogenic so in the 80s the percentage of THC if you bought weed off the street or you grew it in the plants you had was about four percent average THC right now if you're really going for it is 40. it's 10 times stronger if you dab the THC in your product is 80 to 90 and dabbing is where you take a bun and it's a long I am a cannabis educator I can answer the question I'm not anti-weed but we cannot touch this stuff I call it when I first started writing about it in 2014 which nobody wanted me to do I called it the new psychotic pot and I could not figure out I smoked weed for so I smoke hash I mean I lived in Japan I lived in Thailand I always had all these drugs no way is this the same and so I wouldn't touch it I won't even be in the same room with it and I educated my nephew who's now 21. if you want to make sure you don't get bipolar you're not touching that weed he has helped so many of his friends who have gotten psychotic from this weed and another thing and once again not anti-weed all of them I'm from Portland Oregon people use weed I don't care but if you have bipolar playing with fire it's nitroglycerin for our brain the main problem that legalization of cannabis has done as well is it opened up the drug world again we had not had a big drug world since the sick 60s now I see psilocybin and for example magic mushrooms psilocybin is not a treatment for bipolar it will make you psychotic so you don't I don't care if it's being used is that what people are doing with the micro dosing absolutely and so it's like I don't care if you can use it for PTSD I love it use it for depression I don't care but you have a Bipolar brain also the over-the-counter stuff that I'm seeing now unbelievably dangerous for people with bipolar for example there's a substance called ashwagandha which is an old Indian ayurvedic herb it's great for people who have adrenal fatigue or depression who don't have bipolar but it's a serotonin drug it's a herb so if you take it you're going to get Manic and nositol so the bipolar significant seven list and if you go to juliefest.com you'll see bps7 it's there believe me we must learn this I've gotten sick from every substance you can imagine I have to be careful if I get surgery because I'll get sick from the anesthesia I get sick from antibiotics they've got mold I can get Manic from antibiotics so everybody with bipolar needs to learn and memorize the bipolar significant seven list and we have to be very careful because we know that bipolar is genetic so some of these substances can pop out bipolar in our children so for example giving an antidepressant which affects serotonin that creates Mania to a 14 year old who's depressed who has a dad with bipolar can bring out the bipolar so I'm very serious about this and all of my work I have at least three psychiatrists who read my work and Dr Jim Phelps my beloved co-authored the amazing psychopharmacologist um John Preston and then Dr J Carter have looked over all of my research and then the publishing company have their own vetting so this is my research I also put my meaning in the eyes research in there and physical changes and all that so it's all in take charge of bipolar but I can't tell you enough if you want to use weed use weed I really don't I mean it's your choice but it's going to eventually make your bipolar worse and it's it's a personal choice I won't even smell it anymore and I used to love it I used to think it was fun and I won't touch it now so that's my best advice is that we've created a monster we had a rag your regular drug that was not a gateway drug it was not addictive and we've created a super powerful drug that eventually is going to have to be regulated we're moving towards it now they're going to have to start regulating the amount of THC it's too strong yeah yeah read the bipolar significant seven chapter chapter five if you if you read that you can see my theory I really don't care what's going on in the moment yeah because in bipolar disorder if you've got bipolar genes for example for example with my nephew they wanted to give him steroids for his really bad acne it's like no it's not going to happen because in the moment you might not have a bad reaction but the Bipolar brain bipolar is cumulative so adding an snri like Wellbutrin for example I understand that it's going to help and I understand that it's better than an SSRI get it but you are so exponentially increasing the risk of popping out genetic bipolar which is the concept of epigenetics which is the idea that some of us like myself psychotic at 16 manic at 17 no drugs no anything no trauma it's naturally occurring bipolar and and we also know if you've got somebody with bipolar in their family tree and they've never taken any meds or drugs and at age 30 they get depressed and they put them on Zoloft the bipolar pops out it's very well documented that's the epigenetics theory that bipolar can be latent I would never ever give one of my relatives either a cousin or my nephew or my own child an SSRI or an snri never because could pop out bipolar I'd give them medication that doesn't create bipolar just because if they're having like suicidal ideation and all there are other medications and I have to be very very careful here because I am not trying to give medical help but I'll show I'll show you what we did with my nephew David okay yeah so David is if he ever does get my pool he would be fourth generation I have three generations of bipolar tract we know it it's there I'm the third I'm not letting my nephew my beloved nephew get this so when he had his first depression we were like here's what we can try and there's just there was just never a situation where he was going to put an SSRI an snri but you then have to take it very serious add has very high anxiety and he has depression so you have to be careful there are other medications and in my case I'll tell you what you can use not for others but Lamictal without question Lamictal would always be the first choice second lithium lithium orotate third a small amount of an antipsychotic there's no question that there are other medications that can be used and I'm not discounting the suicidal so think about this we've got a child with a parent with bipolar who already has suicidal depression they are on the cusp of bipolar I can tell you that right now and I bet if you put a serotonin or a cannabis into that you're going to pop out that bipolar because we know too much about this now I simply cannot stress that we must think about them at age 50 not at age 15. because when I was given Zoloft at age 31 and it popped me back into mania and then I was given 23 experimental medications because in the 90s all ssris were experimental they were new it popped me into such a worse version of bipolar than I ever had I'm an I am a adamant I'm a hard line on this doctors take your book because the doctors I I don't care listen they don't listen and so no doctor and I'll tell you it's interesting I'm so proud of my nephew when his and he was about 7 16 when this happened when his literally his dermatologist said we can give you a shot he goes is that a steroid he was 17 but he'd been raised by me right about bipolar luxury he goes I can't take steroids or bipolar in my family tree and I'm very proud of that doctor because she said okay so if you have a doctor who is discounting the science of the fact that literally years and years of science that SSRI and snri drugs can pop out Mania in people with a genetic predisposition to bipolar disorder then you need to educate that doctor and that can come from you and that includes Adderall and Ritalin and now am I saying don't get your loved one help no of course you have to my nephew has been suicidal he's open about it but my goodness it's so much worse to have bipolar and suicidal depression right yeah so now there are other things that are coming out like the the magnetic and ketamine unfortunately those if you have bipolar we're seeing some signs that could cause Mania but maybe those are a little bit safer for younger people once again I'm not giving advice I'm getting of course just from what you're expecting there is nothing in my world that I would allow any of my children I don't have children but if I did to take an ssnri or an snri without a mood stabilizer at the same time so another option you have is to use a prophylactic mood stabilizer on top of the snri which would be accident I am not giving advice you must talk to the doctor yes and plus doctors we pay them they are not our bosses we work with them I love doctors and I think they are amazing and I would not be here without my doctors but they are often not educated about bipolar even psychiatrists need to learn more about this and and read the list Etc well I try to think of it like instead of just being mad at all doctors I try to well you can't be mad they're wonderful I'm a substitute teacher right but you asked me to teach grade six seven math not my specialty can I go in and teach grade six seven and my qualified yes so is this a second specialty prescribing the snri or a GP uh pediatrician and and unacceptable you must educate the pediatrician and you must let them know have them read the chapter we are trying my goal with writing this book and I haven't done a lot of promotion I'm going to be doing more in September buy the books I'm promoting it right now thank you I mean I haven't done I didn't I have not done and done usually I'm on TV and done all this I was I was well and I had other things and so we'll do more in the fall but my goal is to prevent bipolar disorder in the Next Generation and pediatricians and GPS and anybody who specializes in add in childhood anything has to understand if you have bipolar in your family tree you cannot give a stimulant or any type of SSRI or snri antidepressant or steroids or ever recommend cannabis or anything if they're 18 to someone who has bipolar genetics there is years and years and years of research to prove and show the epic genetic nature bipolar I do not want a child who doesn't have to get bipolar who already has depression and suicidal Behavior to have bipolar media pop out on them because it's permanent yeah so absolutely educate the pediatrician not in a mean way simply say we're not going to do this I need you to read this chapter I need you to learn from Julie and I need you to understand that this is for their future because I have bipolar it's okay to learn something new doctors yeah I I agree with you I agree with you I'm not against I think it's great the pediatrician is helping but no I would not do it yeah and as a reminder all of my work is seen by psychiatrists and then I was trained by my unbelievable dear friend who I think you know died of cancer in 2020 but John Preston was a world famous psychopharmacologist he trained me for 15 years yeah so I never get medical advice I'll give info to take to a healthcare professional so please anybody listening to this yes telling you what to do but I'm saying I would I personally would never give those substances to my nephew yeah yeah no and he writes that he has a section David who when he was 19 wrote a section of the book well you know if it's uh you know they come to me and they're like if it's if it's going to happen anyway or that's that's mind-blowing that's that's like you know that's like driving your car at 130 miles an hour and saying no no you're not allowed at all and then we say well how epigenetics so I send them to you chicken right I mean it's it's so I have an article called what what is epigenetics theory it's from Health Central and it explains there is so much research to show that somebody with a bipolar parent for example who has a depressive episode at age 40 never had signs of bipolar you put them on on Prozac for example they're Manic and it's permanent so once you express bipolar or you use weed because you think that it's your medicine I'm depressed it'll help my anxiety and I can sleep and then the bipolar expresses so that's called the epigenetics theory but that part is not a theory that part we know right we know that that you can have latent bipolar I am so hard line on this because I was so incorrectly medicated when I got bipolar and it's given me very permanent damage and I'm not anti-meds but I believe in bipolar protocol and antidepressants are not bipolar protocol they're not yeah because it's interesting because a lot of people have the mood stabilizer and like I hear a lot of Combos and I get people have comorbidities it just gets so so complicated but the research is but this is this is people not reading the research the research is is about 20 of people with bipolar one I mean you need to hear this um can get help with you know adding a antidepressant to a mood stabilizer but you have to increase the mood stabilizer and the or the antipsychotic on top of it because it will make you Manic and there's other research that show I mean we're just looking at like at 20 percent and then with bipolar two your main problem of doing that is you can pop someone into bipolar one I just get I and I understand depression I've been suicidal and depressed my entire life and I will never I I the ECT is far far safer than antidepressants really far safer lithium orotate um oh ECT is so much ECT has a bad rep and it shouldn't it it can have side effects there's no question but it's definitely safer than an antipsychotic depressant there's so much research but the drug companies don't want us to know and doctors are too busy to do a little bit better it's Lamictal all the way versus an antidepressant in my experience yes and what somebody should talk about because let's stop creating so much bipolar by drug use it's it's it doesn't have to be this way yeah yeah I'm with you thank you for that that was really really really powerful um so for those of you that have been listening to me for the past six months talking about the patreon that I'm actually going to do because hey because I am being accountable because I keep saying it on here it's coming together um please uh go sign up and I'm going to talk to Julie further um just after this and that will be for patreon only but before we move on to that because I could talk to you for 200 hours and I don't this is fun oh hey all your time I'm just I'm just so thrilled about this conversation I would love to hear I know we've been talking about lots of bipolar bipolar info and I know people just um you know they love story and they love personal things I would just love to hear um you know a few things that that you do in your your daily life that just um just really help you the number one thing to remember about bipolar is that sleep is Nature's medicine um if you can go to bed on the same day you woke up you will change your life because this is a circadian rhythm illness and how do we know that well go try and work a night shift when you have bipolar or travel between you know Vancouver BC and New York City a couple times if you have bipolar it's a circadian rhythm illness so if you can work in a way where you get to sleep before midnight and wake up you know usually we're awake before you know 12 a.m but if you can for example 11 to 7 if you can sleep 11 to 7 10 to six you will see a difference that you won't believe so to me anything that affects my sleep is a no changed my life it made my life a lot more boring but a good example is that when I was in my heavy party days before I had knew I had bipolar I was sick all of the time a heavy party or heavy yeah um and when I realized that bipolar and learned about sleep disorder I still partied like crazy but no substances and I was home by 11. and how do you do that well I had to find things so that would be happy hour and karaoke because karaoke would start at eight where I lived and I would go for it two hours three hours and I'm usually or leave by 11. I shouldn't say home by 11 I'd leave by 11. so here's a great big table of all my friends they're drinking I drink a little bit but I didn't allow myself to get drunk I could not do it I'd have fun I would be there I'd be in we'd had happy hour we'd do this I'd do it and they're like oh pumpkin time and I'd get up and leave and if I didn't do that yeah I would meet a guy I would get in a relationship I didn't want I would be drunk and I would be sick so that simple thing and it wasn't easy believe me was not easy yeah there's no way that you can party and use substances and manage bipolar but that doesn't mean that you stop partying and to be honest mild drinking is not a big deal in bipolar you know having a couple beers once in a while is not a big problem it's you know weed is much more of a problem but it's the sleep so that's my best advice for example I just took on a very big coaching situation recently and I'm trying to move out of coaching and move more into my you know doing my work on videos and I woke up at 4 00 am thinking about it and right there I was like nope nope oh no yeah so it means less money it means saying no it means having to but nope nope that is my sign like worried at 4am and not getting back to sleep and sleep's already hard for me that has to be a sign it's a it is a line that I cannot cross and that means travel is hard and work is hard and so that's my best advice oh that it is and to others it sounds so simple to some people oh it's not simple it's hard for us it's daily struggle for me like my brain tells me steal the night to Europe absolutely it's so oh and here it is it's ten o'clock and you've just got inside and you're feeling good and you're like my gosh my depression's gone oh my and I'm like nope you're turning off the light you're taking your sleep no you have to yeah and I learned from you just this past year about uh dark therapy and I it makes sense to do that as well like be in a dark room get in a dark room book on tape so you get you have to turn off the big TV and you have to turn off the excitement and all the videos and the scrolling I like I call it my recovery position I put my legs up sometimes I'll put an ice pack on my back because it's a lot of this has to do with eating yeah um and I have it I call it my manic recovery position it is boring and I take a lot of extra sleep meds and I'm allowed to do a book on tape yeah I do and I try and pick a non-fiction because if I get too into the story get too into it you won't do it it's yeah and this sounds boring but you know what you don't go to the hospital yes I don't I don't find the hospital exciting no you know I don't I don't want to be you know mannequin some strange guy's hotel room again this is what you have to do it it's not boring yeah but and I thought it was like me I'm All or Nothing so I'm like well I have to do it for at least two hours but I found even because I didn't have much time on my European I mean I didn't make the time of my european vacation or I was never alone right or I had my kids my husband and we're staying in small spaces but even if I would just get them to go and I would do like 10 minutes it's enormous difference notice the difference absolutely you're not bubbling up that Mania you're not allowing it to take over you're getting to bed on time and it's a practice it took me many years oh it's disabled discipline is hard it's hard well Julie thank you P.S you're never going to get rid of me we are now friends forever this is wonderful wonderful thank you thank you so good to talk to you and I'm really excited about our next conversation I would love to that we are going to have and so you don't want to miss it so hopefully by the time this comes out my patreon will be started and if it isn't go follow on Instagram and it will I'm going to put all of the things that the book and Julie's um information and the book that she she referred to all in the show notes so take a look at that and um yeah I just I am so grateful for you and for the work that you put out in this world I truly believe you are saving lives thank you thank you very kind of you I've loved talking to you and I love I love what you do online I watch it all the time oh thank you this is bipolar thanks again for tuning in you can find video versions of this is bipolar on our YouTube channel we also have all our previous and soon to be future episodes of the podcast on Apple podbean Spotify and Google Play we spend most of our time on Instagram at this dot is dot bipolar there is a Vibrant Community there where we have conversations and posts different ideas and strategies and we'd just love for you to join us there it is so helpful if you enjoy our work or think it would be helpful to someone if you could like and share and save and follow us in all or any of those spaces if you're a listener for the podcast if you could leave a review we would be forever grateful again thank you for being here with us let's get the word out let's share lived experiences so that we can change the ideas that people have about bipolar and help those of us that live with it feel less alone this is bipolar [Music]

Channel: this is bipolar

Views: 2,550

Keywords: bipolar, bipolardisorder, mental health, mental health awareness, mental illness, mental illness awareness, bipolar awareness, bipolar education, mania, hypomanic, bipolar 1, bipolar 2, depression, anxiety, stigma, mental health advocates, author, manic, hypomania, podcast, podcast host, mental health conversations, bipolar lived experience

Id: y2B27_-kNjw

Length: 92min 8sec (5528 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 13 2023