Confronting "What If" Thinking

hey everyone mark dejesus here bringing you more transformative insights on your thinking and mental and emotional health and just working through and navigating through the struggles and battles that go on in our thoughts right i've done many videos on certain aspects of distortions and thinking patterns that that get in the way the one i want to address today is one that many people if we are honest realize you know what i'm highly influenced by this and that is what if thinking i want to confront what if thinking because what often happens in our journey of healing and freedom is we start taking steps forward we move into new thoughts we move into new territory we step up and we say it's time to walk in new directions and this what if hook comes in and fear will use what if as a way to derail us from stepping forward to check left to check right to check behind us to check in all these places but we don't actually take steps forward and we don't allow ourselves to learn in our journey and start to go it's time for me to take steps now it's time for me to start walking this and start living this fear is an enemy that seeks to hook in at those times where you're really having an opportunity to break through it's like this is my time but here's the thing when we're taking steps forward it's very unfamiliar when you're you know working through anxiety and you start to get some freedom working through ocd get some freedom you're working through rejection issues or anger or relationship issues you start taking steps forward that territory is unfamiliar you're not used to it you're used to the old way so as soon as you take a step forward the hook of what if comes in it's the language of fear what if is the language of fear to pull you in to draw you back to keep you from actually taking steps forward and claiming new ground and walking into new territory the what if a fear gets you focused on a narrative of what you hope doesn't happen it always points to a dark outcome it's interesting how the what if always leads us into a dark outcome and you better watch out over here and leads us into like these mystery chasing of trying to prevent all these things from happening and we do it as a way of self-protection we do it as a way of trying to work out feelings of not feeling safe and really safety in the love of god is the issue but also learning how to just takes one step in front of the other what if we'll lead you down a whole trail of thoughts you don't need to go into and it keeps us in these spirals of checking we're always checking stuff and checking our situation checking things just right checking and all these preventative things and at first they may seem helpful but they prevent us from truly living do you find this is a battle in your life in your journey i'm going to share some more but first take a moment and go to mark dejesus.com subscribe to our email list you'll get updates on everything subscribe to my youtube channel and if these materials are a blessing consider a one-time donation or become a regular supporter we have tons of free material we are constantly putting out and i thoroughly enjoy blessing people's lives and journey in this way so you might realize okay i've got what if thinking in my life what if plays on every area of uncertainty that it can so you step into a new relationship you step into a new thought pattern you step into a new job you step into a new decision a new way of thinking we're trying to walk into what if this isn't the right thought what if i'm wrong what if i'm deceived what if i make a mistake what if this happens what if i'm what if this and you notice where it pulls you it doesn't pull you into a healthy direction you don't feel empowered in fact you feel more confused feel more anxious that's a sign we're being pulled by fear and god is not trying to make us afraid he's not trying to use fear now god is wanting to walk us through our fear issues in his love because he knows that we're not just gonna get free overnight it's a journey and it's a process but what if is always derailing us it's like you're driving down the road and just you just drive into a ditch and you're like man you're frustrated and can't get the car moving and then you try to push the pedal harder right you're in a ditch of what if and sometimes it's helpful to go okay so i pull out of that ditch and i want to keep moving forward one step at a time life is filled with uncertainty and the what if a fear rises up in moments where uncertainty seems to be more magnified maybe you're a new parent maybe you're entering into marriage new job or maybe you're getting teaching and insight that's confronting areas of your life or mental health areas where you go i need to establish some new thinking it's in these transitions of new there's an opportunity for new uncertainty rises and we're tempted to move back to what's comfortable and familiar and go oh i gotta create a sense of certainty when you don't you don't find peace is not found in trying to find a hundred percent certainty god isn't leading us on a journey where you're gonna in everything in your life just be a hundred percent certain you have your doubts you have your i don't know but you learn to develop your trust muscles you step out of the boat and you walk on water because that's where life is found that's where freedom is found it's not sitting on the boat waiting making sure everything is perfect and then stepping out we often just take one step in front of the other a fear is going to want to really do a number on us so when you feel that what if what if what if your uncertainty levels are high and what that needs is compassion and it needs one step in front of the other and a nurturing response now fear is going to use what if to create a distortion in the interpretation of your thoughts so i i encourage people they go well i don't know what my thought patterns like what's what's the thought fueling what is it magnifying and people say well fear and i say okay what would you do if fear wasn't in the equation i think i might move in this direction usually what they say back is stuff that's power love and sound mind faith hope and love like okay i'm stepping into new territory many times people start leaving condemnation and shame and guilt right and they're so used to listening to that as their like lens every time they're just in these constant guilt trips they start going you know what i gotta break free of this this is holding me back but as they take a step forward what if you're headed in the wrong direction what if and they start to they start to get fearful and so then we start retreating and so the the what ifs of fear like to play on a lot of these different areas i found that what if will play off of my insecurities maybe where i don't have experience or it's a new thing and i might feel a little bit over my head this is like wow this is an area i got to learn to trust god like never before fear will want to come in distort my interpretation play off of my sense of uncertainty and my insecurities because in these areas where what if hits we don't have a lot of experience or your experience is painful and it brings up something from the past right a pain in the past oftentimes fear uses our painful past as video footage to you know and this is why sometimes people say oh this isn't like this isn't like wrong fear this is right fear mark you know this is like good fear it's like okay you know we've got we've got we've got we've got good and you know what i'm confused god is not giving you a spirit of fear but i learned that living by the what-ifs they keep going and they keep going and they keep going and then you end up in these mazes of scenarios that you're constantly going through it's like it's like you're solving some kind of riddle of all these things but what it does is it keeps us from just moving forward we feel stuck and a lot of times to stop being stuck is we compassionately just take one step forward make a decision what do i do just make a decision make a decision because the what-ifs will keep us in constant hesitancy like you're driving a car like you know those stick shift cars i don't know we don't have a lot of most people drive automatic cars nowadays but you stick shift and you got to hit the clutch and change gears right and you just stuck and that clutch is going right because you're stuck in this hesitancy what should i and we all have those moments but the more they build up the more what if just keeps branching out branching out branching out branching out we feel this overwhelmed spider web and a lot of times what we need to do is just make a decision because double-mindedness drives us into instability the bible says a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways and so i feel so unstable i feel all over the place sometimes the best thing to do is just now operate in single-mindedness okay here's what i'm going to think about and then what if comes in we go i've made my decision i'm not i'm now going to direct my thoughts to faith hope and love power love and a sound mind i'm establishing new thoughts they're new this is unfamiliar i'm okay one step at a time single-mindedness is very good for mental health and if you'll notice where you get hung up a lot is in the distortion of that hesitancy the constant checking because what if gets you in that checking state checking checking checking this fear of making a mistake this fear of i'm going to fall into error this fear that i'm going to do the wrong thing is clouding over people and it doesn't allow you to learn in the greatest place you learn do you know what's the greatest place you learn is in the doing it's in taking step it's in going into the journey and many of us are just afraid of taking the step and so the what ifs keep us in that survival preventative state we want to prevent all errors sorry you can't do that you're gonna learn you you you've made mistakes you'll continue to make mistakes you know i don't wanna i don't wanna make a mistake i don't wanna i'll be oh i'll be god's gonna okay now we're bringing up your god image of how you see god that if you take a left he says take right he's gonna oh he's gonna just really punish you and really the beauty of being in christ is we have freedom to learn to live and move and have our being and learn in the journey in the navigating my greatest learning has been what i've been through now what i just reading out of a book is great learning in videos and stuff like that but my greatest learning is in the activity of applying practicing regrouping learning going at it again and this what if's gonna prevent you from that so you live in this like highly preventative survival state because you're always focusing on worst case scenarios always focusing on the darkness or the dark outcomes and so then it leads us to become very controlling we become highly controlling of our thoughts we become highly controlling of people we become highly controlling of situations because we need everything to be what just right what's that the language of that's your perfectionism i need things i'm not a perfectionist mark i just need things to be just right same thing and the what ifs make us i need everything to be just right and then i need everything to be just right and then i'll take a step i need everything to be just right and because the what if programs us into that highly preventative state and now new relationships new opportunities new steps we just keep stacking up fears stacking up fears because the more we feed what if the more it grows and becomes the narrative by which we live so it becomes your default response and so then you're checking and checking and checking take a step forward and you're checking i'm having a great a better day today what if i'm not am i really and you're constantly assessing yourself you can't settle into peace and the thing that we have to understand what if checking does not lead you to peace because peace is not found in making sure everything is just right and then we're gonna live peace is found in taking a step forward learning to practice the peace that's available to you learning to take it hold it when you lose it pull it back in it's all right being kind to yourself in the journey when i when i live in what if there's no joy in my expression in my experience it's really difficult it's really challenging in my journey enjoying the moment being present i'm not present here with you i'm lost in a what if what if it's always making us lost and the thing it does it feeds the fear factor and of course fear is very infectious it can have a viral impact because we start sharing with other people i don't know what about this about the times the end times and time to see what's going on in the news and times and times and times christians we get obsessed about the end times here it's coming which we do what if and our our our understanding of the end times was never to be based on fear on some kind of punishment fear where we're now apprehensive and not taking steps of boldness god's design for you as you rise and shine in the midst of that so what's taking over the narrative is it fear because many times we listen to fear because it's the loudest voice it's very disturbing the anxiety the feelings in our chest and our neck and our shoulders the thoughts the fight-or-flight that kicks in is why we listen to it i've talked about that in other videos and so god's relational he's not screaming at you but fear is so we often listen to the screaming and it takes time to learn a new narrative that's more filled with god's nature in who he is as a father and who he is and how he's speaking to us otherwise in fear we're constantly geared up and then we're in these avoidance patterns we're trying to get everything just right we're afraid of ourselves and here here's what i find with people that have constant obsessive what ifs they can't receive instruction so as you're teaching them everything that's given to them their response is well what about this so it shows we're not listening and taking it in because we're focused on a subject the problem is not the problem and we get instruction about what's really needed and then we're always throwing this what if simulator into everything and what if ties into yeah but that's another way that comes about there's the what if and then there's yeah but yeah but mark my thoughts go here you know i lay out a precept of of this is what we need to apply and then someone yeah but my thoughts and what what what what it does is the what if and the yeah buds come in so it's just constant fear doubt fear doubt fear doubt right and it derails us from going no that's that is what i need because truth from god's word and insight is meant to things that we ponder on in an empowering way like as i marinate on this it makes me more connected to god's love for me it makes me more grateful and people say how do i know you know i'm i'm walking in the territory of of what god has for me well usually it doesn't come without resistance so it's there's challenges but there's just these increments of more of the fruit of the spirit just a little more love manifesting more peace manifesting more joy see our metrics are usually not that am i obeying just right obedience is a part of the journey but obedience is not a subject that sits by itself it requires love relationship and many of you are trying to obey god because you're afraid of him and you're obeying trying to obey god because if you're afraid of him punishing you or you're you got a pressure on you that you're not getting things just right that's not the foundation on this relationship a foundation is his love for us what he's done for us and learning to connect to that learning to live in that otherwise we're always constantly chasing these issues chasing what-ifs yeah but and then we can't hear what we need to hear you say well mark what is it i need to hear well your constant what ifs are revealing you need to learn the safety in love to be present in the moment jesus said don't worry about tomorrow because today you have enough to deal with and so we have to learn a new mechanism of taking subjects putting them in their place i'll deal with that when i get to it i'll get i'll let myself get to it when it's time i'm going to learn to focus on the present on the here and now and what's in front of me and i'm going to live single-minded i'm going to take this step yeah but what if what if this happens so what i can't serve this anymore yeah but what if you become friends with this person and they hurt you okay then i'll learn something new in that because i can't stay in prison any longer and so for many of you it may need learning to be more present learning to be single-minded and just take a step and just move forward in the what-ifs will be there it's part of the journey they're gonna scream out some of you need to just fire the interpreter of your thoughts in general because your interpretation is always fearful always negative maybe you just say you know what i'm gonna fire the interpreter i got a very dark anti-love hyper vigilant always projecting the fear narrative i'm gonna fire the interpreter and my new interpreter is gonna be faith hope and love faith hope and love come alongside be my friends and i'm going to now take one step in front of the other i'm not telling you to jump over a cliff today i'm telling you take the next step and the next step is just being single-minded keep walking this out keep walking this out because these what-ifs that keep pulling you to the left or right they're not your friends take the hand of the father his love for you and take one step in front of the other i want to encourage you today because many of you feel stuck you feel all over the place you feel kind of crazed let's recalibrate god loves you he's for you he's working in your life and what if i'm going to use a what if in a positive what if you are right where you need to be and there's learning available for you today and it's going to be found in just taking a step forward do it and see what happens if this is a blessing to your life and you say i want more go into the book i will not fear there's materials and resources i'm always trying to put out stuff that's going to help bless your life and your journey if this is helpful to you consider a one-time donation become a regular supporter man i'm just happy to be a voice in your life i'm a brother from another mother and i love supporting the healing and freedom journey in your life but that's all i got for today be blessed i'm out you

Channel: Mark DeJesus

Views: 17,389

Keywords: What If, Anxiety, OCD, Fear

Id: Ya6UyjxLa5M

Length: 20min 37sec (1237 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 18 2021