Conan O'Brien - Cant Stop (2011) (Documentary)

i think these people get on these cars thinking they're gonna see there's brad pitt he's sweeping off the sidewalk in front of his house hey there brad hey it's me conan o'brien from the tonight show hi i should have said formerly of the tonight show o'brien was announced as leno's tonight show successor back in 2004 and five years later his tonight show premiered but the network suits wanted to keep the still popular jay leno so they had an idea create a new primetime talk show for jay leno at 10 pm that way they hold on to both of their hosts and save money on producing original scripted programming but the experiment failed critics panned leno's show and the ratings went way down and conan's tonight show ratings were disappointing as well so they came up with another idea pushed the whole lineup later so jay leno's show would go on in the tonight show slot and the tonight show would follow at 1205 a.m i didn't want to be the first tonight show host to take the tonight show into the next day so um i said uh that didn't really work for me [Applause] [Applause] i'm prohibited from being on television right now contractually for uh the next five six months what if i could just go out there and see these people who were so nice and supportive and put on a show for them and now it's it's this it's i don't know 44 dates starting april 12th [Music] i'm 46 and what's what do i do now what else do i have to say and it's just trying to figure that out right away and so the tour will be interesting because i don't quite know what it's going to be i just know that i've always liked being in front of an audience that's all i know is i really like being in front of an audience you haven't stopped at all you started thinking about this the day after your final tonight show day uh the day of yeah why do you think that is and what would that mean for you to stop i don't know what it would be like to stop what do you mean stop what does that even mean um really my main goal for this is to have some fun do you think you could have fun without an audience in front of you [Music] or when i'm with musicians and we are working things out then i'm content [Music] [Applause] everybody [Applause] did the eating already just happen i had an idea a couple of days ago which was striking me is kind of funny which is go out and say as you know there are whatever the seven stages of grief that people go through it turns out there are seven stages when you the first one is denial uh the last stage is you get your ass to cleveland to the south like you make them the last name we're from cleveland you know the whole point of this tour was let's have some fun if there's ever been a time in my life to just say to hell with it it's now we're about to start a 32 city tour and it's coming up fast gang hey conan how'd the fight go it went pretty good i guess and you guys are worried about me filling an hour now just and have fun and feel it you guys know enough about what it is yeah and we're doing is we're you know we're playing it like uh i just you know i've never had backup singers in my life this is my dream and then these two beautiful backup singers come out ladies and gentlemen for the first time ever the co-cats [Music] [Applause] it's like the michael jackson movie let's try these two i think these two yeah let's do it my own show again [Music] jesus christ [Music] i cannot wait for this uh comedy people check this out and see if i need to be pulled over and given a ticket or you could possibly get away because you want to sit over there on the floor we're playing on the road again which is a song you know on the road again just a fun song that i might start out is on the road again and then we come back and i go my own show again i can't wait to have my own show again maybe it's like it's something like the the times uh is there anything yeah should i even take a prime time show that's on at 10. there's fuel there because i am angry i'm really angry at times i'm trying not to be but i'm really really angry about and i just have to be honest i'm very angry about the way that i was treated and i'm a person who's i'm the least entitled person you'll meet in the world i don't think i was entitled to the tonight show i don't think i'm entitled to success in show business but i'm just sometimes i'm so mad i can't even breathe and i do think that this show is some sort of at least positive expression because all that there's all that steam energy of being angry and so it comes out a little bit in performance you can get out there and talk to people at least about being unemployed being legally prohibited from being on television which is going to be something i talk about you can have the exact i can play the executive and though that's not any one particular person it definitely is me saying to the whole idea of non-creative people screwing over people that feed their bone marrow into the wood chipper of of television [ __ ] you you know that's probably that's part of it i don't know what this was jeff just told me to sign to have you sign this okay he didn't say where do you want to no i think no no i don't need to read it because i stopped reading things i signed a long time ago are there any of all the tv executives like this at nbc i don't know i haven't thought about them in a while there are some follicly challenged executives i'm sure but um but really this represents no one person it represents two people [Laughter] or make it three um hey sweeney should we talk about how much i want to look or not look like hello there network executive my name is i thought i'd stop in tonight check out your pathetic little show in your pathetic little city is there someone walking in and out of the door please we need someone to guard the door we're gonna announce this thing and then it's just time for the nausea and the self-doubt and the fear to take over that's the fun part all right i'm gonna where am i gonna be doing this from you're gonna bring it up for me to submit wherever you want well we're gonna do it from your micro computer which is made in micronesia are you sure do you want to pull it up no do it on your plate we're going to tweet early we're going to do it right now i can't believe i'm here for this hit hey internet i'm headed to your town on a half-assed comedy music tour go to it's in http hands now what time is it right 7 20. by 7 40 i'm out of the business sure the promoter in new york is telling me the first radio city show is sold out it's what so everything's starting to go so when do you think we're adding the second show on radio city there's both shows in chicago and the one show in minneapolis are officially sold out he gets shy of selling out the second show at radio city holy [ __ ] toronto will sell out today for sure minneapolis will be done today uh the west coast stuff is a little slower right because it's early yes uh it's great 2 000 tickets already sold on the second show in chicago teamcoco.com site is taking too long to load oh one's getting crushed i'm sure yeah cynthia just got the tweet she can't get on the site the site right now is jam with traffic you can't go down going to ticketmaster let's write that up and send it out i think it's i think it's jammed with trout yes are you all dressed what nothing motivates you to figure out what your show is like selling a whole bunch of tickets to it after the band's done their first two songs they stop playing the place gets quiet all the lights go out and we go you see my daughter was lazy in no count he claimed they had a bad fire and all [Music] i love staring into this black void and hearing no response what are you doing there are you you guys okay with the audio i'm not getting any response from anybody it's just looking into a pin all right well just to enjoy your death star you had a problem with the audio and i'm trying to determine if that's been set question of the mix when you're playing i just want to see you stand up but i appreciate it i had this idea that i've talked about which is to where uh wear a suit that's an exact replica of the one that eddie murphy wore in raw they never touch your name space monday i think i'm getting fitted for it daddy you look silly i don't even think i can sit down in this outfit well it would be interesting to see you try and sit in a beanbag chair is that this butter sauce can you see if you can find sona look at that fish i think that's butter sauce or what what would it say when you ordered it just i just need just a simple piece of grilled fish i'm sorry i'd have to let you go over this i think the restaurant just messed up because she but either either way you're losing your job over this i'm really not want to lose my job that's what people who lose their jobs say who says i'm glad i'm losing my job yes we have another one coming yeah i just sent the other one could you get me a new assistant do you mean a new assistant coming cool i'm just trying to keep my job it's fine this happens often with with order and food out on tour you have to check everything we can't you it's just oh so sona should check things no no no no no like gus i can't believe you were not throwing her under the bus gus you're missing the point i want you to throw sona under the bus it gives me joy well tony can tell you what happened but it's gonna be fine that's great if you were an airplane pilot it'd be a lot of dead people out there i'm trying to like keep it lean and she keeps going out and getting me fish that lived in butter it actually lived and grew up in butter but you're going to be fine no butter usually having a certain weight and then when i went off tv there was a period there of of just no that's okay it was just like cheese popcorn there was a like what i call my [ __ ] period [ __ ] them oh damn they're crazy [Music] hello john tell me good job i'm still we're making it up first you got to sell tickets we did that that's the hard part then you come up with a show apple's new ipad will be declared the most revolutionary device the last 50 years by the editors of things to snort cocaine off of magazine oh the tbs thing is at 4. let me find out how real that is if that's really how we're not going on tbs when is our meeting in oxygen jeff all i know is that sony hears these things and then moves heaven and earth to make sure that we cancel our rehearsals so that you and i drag our asses to tbs and then it's usa my scheme is for animal planet all right now ladies and gentlemen i know you're glad to see the masturbating bear but there is a problem but the masturbating bear is legally the property of nbc ladies and gentlemen say goodbye to the masturbating bear and say hello to a brand new character that you're going to see tonight for the first time our own self-pleasuring panda guys guys there's a problem here when i say the self-fledging panda he never seems to know to go and then you guys keep playing so nothing happens can the actor who's playing who is it blake can you not hear me when i say the self-pushing panda oh [ __ ] you and then we cut to lumber hold on hold it that's important if we don't have the cut to load richie there then we got nothing it's going to be la bang this thing's a train wreck oh i just wrote this microphone into my leaking eye sorry seriously no one touched this microphone there's eye discharge on the mic yeah that's the problem left and right choppaholics i want these [ __ ] people it's like bang bang bang bang bang and i was trying to make it happen today and you thought oh he's insulting me he's happening i know that check it out guys hello hello banana company [ __ ] this there's no no there's no support here i went on a limb with banana company hey telephone call for you pick it up hello banana company yes i like using human puppets can i ask a question about norris that was just to look at all of them oh yeah we're not sure if we're going to do them all and from now on i'm not and i'm not even kidding about this when you want to speak you have to talk into the banana telephone i'm not going to talk about it you have to um guys sona's on sona's got something to say what is it sona this is really demeaning yes yes i don't know why you're asking me to talk into a banana i just did it seven times and you're too good to do it a good work environment what's happening right now it's not very healthy for me we lost two songs seduce you and creep out oh yeah matt oh matt make a suggestion of the banana phone uh does everyone like on the road again i was just throwing it out there you know well guess what i'm doing i'm throwing it back okay okay you're a guy that works in the louvre you saw the mona lisa and you tossed it out the window luckily i came by saw it and brought it back okay and you're like well i was just throwing it out there you threw the mona lisa out of the louvre you idiot on the road again the lead yes and this is the loop yes all right i like that and i'm sick of people saying that i've i'm drunk with power that i've lost my perspective yes [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] so we lost about 16 minutes with all that stuff so it's about a minute 13 now i mean an hour you said a minute 13 and you set it into a banana i am extremely hard on myself sometimes that spills onto other people you know because i'm not hard on myself and then when things aren't quite right i'm making these jokes that have an edge to them that are like to mike sweeney the head writer to jeff ross like oh really so that's that's the best we could do or this you know and and their little jabs and their jokes with quotation marks around them but just stretching it's me trying to keep i'm trying to keep everything in the stew pot i'm trying to just keep it all you know there and not have it spill out um you wanna oil that um see that's an example that's me letting my wife know i find that irritating but it's all fun and joking she's gonna leave me and it's a 50 50 state california how's the proud love who are they you learn what comedy bits work not necessarily that's actually true because you're doing a lot of youtube references you learn what former tonight show staffers like what's your prediction well then white was serving up yes i think so why why wouldn't they don't know thank you for being here [Music] [Music] not having any of it not having any of it i wanted to thank everybody uh for being here tonight we're trying out a lot of stuff uh we know trying out throwing a million things at you and we appreciate people coming all the way here and being an audience for us tonight so thank you so much [Music] um so we got fixes and things to do but what do you think it felt like the i think the energy you're going to encounter is not a seated energy do you know what i mean how'd it feel have you talked to the kids are we gonna tell them that i'm gonna be taking some trips to go do my show but i'm gonna call them and you know their old man's in vaudeville you know what daddy has to do i think i have to get ready to leave daddy has to go and get on the plane and go to where do you remember where i'm going can i call you on the ichat who's going to operate the computer ichat we will operate [Applause] [Music] in improvisational acting there's this great rule that i've used in my life which is act as if act as if this is completely normal call me conan please of course i'm supposed to be interviewing barack obama or of course i'm supposed to be playing guitar with bruce springsteen and of course there's a big part of you inside that's saying what are you talking about this doesn't feel completely real it doesn't feel completely real to me this is just an extension of replacing david letterman at the age of 30. how's that first show gonna go what do you think sona i think it's gonna go [Music] let's push this crowd back this is i need room here everyone give me some room get these people back i want everyone back no no photos for security reasons i think we should change our hotels at the last second right something twice as expensive yeah it's something i learned from saddam hussein good luck thank you very much we're with you thank you very much i appreciate it conan you've got the i love how we got here early so you could go out and get recognized get the [ __ ] out of here i didn't do that tomorrow right yeah it'll be more than speaking why don't you just go hey guys you guys hear me hello these things are no good that's their actual reaction to you hello they're usually more anime did you call your folks and tell me you're here all right and everything oh hi mom how you doing yeah yeah i'm in eugene i have my own room i'm at the hilton it was cool mom i was a baller what private planes tell your mother i don't understand how big you're saying oh conan doesn't understand how i speak sometimes okay all right dude dude all right mom i love you i'll talk to you soon should i be worried that we're opening in a town where nobody lives i don't see anybody there's nobody here okay we'll be all right we'll show up so you need a ticket you hold it up a little bit farther i thought it was good over cheek area and forehead at hairline and temples do not use heavily under cheek will give too much depth of cheek gaunt what does that do your split just adds color gives you a natural glow i wish i had a natural glow it's not your fault or the andy richter urinal mint selling his idea through the roof people can't wait to feel everybody loves pissing on my face let's get out in front of the crowd again it's been a while and i really miss it just before the plane crashed yes the two pilots from one [Applause] [Music] don't you [Music] [Music] [Applause] it's [Music] [Applause] thank you for that that feels good i've been off the air for three and a half months i missed applause this is i gotta tell you it's very nice there are eight stages of mourning the loss of your talk show stage two blame myself folks i didn't spend a lot of time on this stage because what the hell did i do yeah so no i blew past this stage and i went right to stage three blame everyone else around me i blamed everybody and everything and this led to stage four anger i was really really angry and i wasn't just angry that i wasn't on television anymore i was mad that i'm not on tv but other people still are that's right other people still get to be on television but not conan o'brien now i don't want to be petty and name names but what i will do is show you photos of them as i name their names and then finally there's that last step that last step that makes all the difference the step where you when you're a steam back you wake up one day you put on your clothes you pull yourself together you grow a pair you look in the mirror and you get your ass to eugene oregon that's what you do this is a cool opportunity for me this is my opportunity to tell you who i am how i grew up and how i came to be do you want to hear this story it's a pretty good story you do let's have some music jimmy now i need a little more help with this ladies and gentlemen so right now please welcome for the first time on this stage or any stage the coquettes oh my god yeah you know since this is a tour we were thinking about calling them the tourettes but they kept shouting [ __ ] that was kind of weird all right i'll tell you a little something about me i don't know if anyone's ever been back east much you been back east much i come from a place called brookline massachusetts yeah it's an affluent suburb of austin it was pretty tough growing up in brookline cause most people most people were upper class but we we were upper middle class it was hell my mama my poor old mama my sainted mama i love my mama but she had it tough you see my mama there's a lawyer wrote some great law firm downtown boston she specializes in tax and trusts and she made partner really quickly pulls in a lot of money did very well for herself and my daddy my daddy was no good my daddy is no good my daddy works at pregnant women's hospital he is a microbiologist he studies infectious diseases he's done a lot of work with the world health organization real white trash back in eastern brookline where the alligators are so mean the young girl who i swear to the world maybe alligators [Music] that my mama was working on yeah well by now a lot of you have figured out that this song is pretty much [ __ ] this song is closing yeah it's just a song about growing up poor in the south that i always liked and i wanted to sing it so kind of fudge the facts a little bit two things and only two things will get you out of a song like this that's right i'm talking strobe lights and crazy movements [Music] ladies and gentlemen thank you [Applause] [Music] so i gotta tone it down maybe i don't know i don't feel that euphoria i just i like doing it and then when it's done you just everyone's just focused on what could be better or what can be fixed which is good that's how you get it to be better it's like so it's not like yeah let's all high-five each other it's really good to have one done i have to say that yeah i just don't know how we're gonna do hey how are you good to see you here's the thing that really got me at the end you're going up the aisle you went right behind me right right came back down you kissed a girl came down you kissed a guy right of course who wrote behind me the guy says now i can die happy you really looked happy man oh i was thrilled yeah i was [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] are you going to check in and see what the what the press is saying are you going to avoid it what's your plan no i don't read that stuff he's never ready next month's i've never read it he's never read it it's it's uh pointless to do that because it's at the end of the day it's all opinions yeah oh that's all i like to hear and i'm like good let's move on you know we got to keep moving and evolving this show i like this part you know i like the travel aspect of it i like the adventure of it i love walking around the city for the first time you know when aliens come they're going to when aliens come they're going to land there because they're going to think that's where our leader lives come on what am i always hitting people for it's not acceptable it's not acceptable i like that one in two shows by popular demand how do we get back to that where we came from i know a lot of people came to vegas this weekend to see the fight but i think this is the main event tonight audience i'm gonna say i can do save for you um what's that what do you say did you talk over me again get your radar straight seriously man when mozart's playing the old 88 you don't sit on his lap and play chopsticks oh wow i might be a [ __ ] genius and i might be the biggest dick ever i don't know or maybe both that's what patton was napoleon maybe about 15ish [Applause] hello las vegas how's everybody doing you ready what else is forbidden i'll tell you what's forbidden this is how crazy this thing got between me and nbc it got so crazy anyone who even looks like me can't be on television right now yes it's true yeah say goodbye to the wendy's girl she can't exist right now say goodbye to jimmy neutron jimmy neutron's gone and of course say farewell to us you're running actress until this week she's just out of here [Applause] are you looking for a good time i mean a really good time the kind of good time when you wake up with body glitter in your mouth and the smell of grandma on your clothes then look no further than las [Music] [Applause] strip vegas opened in 72 which is also the average age of their dancers these fossilized beauties give new meaning to the term flappers [Music] oh [Music] [Applause] [Music] day [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] vegas vegas are people happy with that show nobody was unhappy that night we were talking about how angry you sometimes feel and how were kind of working that out in the show and a lot of you know well now that you've been doing it has that changed at all it feels really good to go out and perform in front of people and be in contact with people that are enthusiastic about me and what i do and so that's obviously healthy or feels good and then there are other times where i'll just be back at the hotel and i'll be thinking about what went down with those you know people at nbc and i'll be really mad about it all over again so yeah i think it's that'll it's going to take a little while it's like a gallstone it just has to work its way through my urethra and eventually that stone and a little bit of blood will drop into the toilet and uh i'll be done with those [ __ ] have you seen the new intouch magazine it's time to really kick things up a notch now please welcome our friend mr eddie [Applause] [Music] i'm here [Music] why [Music] no [Music] oh my god what the hell was that i will never let eddie better borrow my tambourines again jesus this is a big shock it's a big show yeah it's it started out as a small idea and it kept getting bigger where'd you get these musical choices what's the difference between doing it here and doing it on in front of a live audience in new york are you making any money on this uh yeah i hope so how's your voice hoping it's so far so good it's not the show it's the interviews right after the show that are killing me let's get to that fake birthday party this is amazing i've always wanted to have a 47th birthday with 60 minutes here and such an intimate way to celebrate my birth good to see you pal this will be good tv see we'll get b-roll birthday [Applause] [Applause] happy birthday to you happy [Music] birthday happy like i ran into someone on the street he said you're a friend of mine until he asked you for an autograph and you like blew him off and i said that's not possible i said it with authority like the way you would say a friend of mine said you shot at him with your 22 handgun that's not possible that's conan o'brien's birthday that's fine i can't leave the venue right now to explain it can you go inside and get that from him and i'll sign it no authority here thank you one guy you're done in this business he asked if you use the red pen on that one oh a controlling dick i'd never denied anybody anything okay and you want me to sign your back yes okay why so i can get the check get a tattoo it's my first one so it's gonna be really special paparazzi that's why you know it's important like you're really nice sona's really nice to people on the phone and sort of warm and personal and i think a lot of people can't get to me that's important if the person who's my voice to the outside world is telling people to like be cold i just think that's huge i complimented you how long did you drive to be here well i drove seven hours to calgary here just to come see the show yeah oh get in here man jesus now what's your you have a sis you had a situation here i have this id card i bought specifically so i could see this because i am 18. so what's the problem i wrote my learners and passed it two days ago they took my id card away i'm just wondering if they're gonna do me and not let me in here if they're gonna what no they're gonna jit me and not let me in here and that would just not be cool after getting a ticket and i've been really excited to see this okay okay okay i'll have to look past the anti-semitic remark uh i love mel gibson dude uh wow okay now i don't think i want to let you in no no no no how if you promised never to use that expression again yeah i promise jeff ross can you come here for a sec now i'm gonna tell you something my producer's jewish so when you start saying um when you start saying i got jude out of something and you're asking my producer who's jewish and i'm half jewish so this kid has a situation where he's driven like 60 hours to get here and and he doesn't have his government id that will get him into the casino now these guys are saying he can't come in but i don't know if there's anyone here at the casino we can ask [Music] i do feel like we've been arrested at the border and asked to wait in this room don't you what happened to us andy [Laughter] looked at a giant poster of jay leno no well because everyone who's performed here has a poster it actually says that when you walk bye oh boy most people love but you guys insist i cover it keeps you wonderfully innocent i'm ready to meet my groom send him in you use whichever makes you feel prettiest blowing off like that it's too much i think i know would you get your arm out of the mirror you're an insane armenian did you see your lunge at me with a cutlass how much more deodorant do you need i want more god is it like one for each armpit you know what i do i pretend they're rewards out when i get naked sorry i'm sorry i said that [ __ ] about you in the edmonton gazette don't be sorry it needed to be said but you're not a [ __ ] [ __ ] who's the worst piece of [ __ ] that anyone's ever seen [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] um well i'm telling people this is my prom photo hello this won't [Music] [Laughter] [Music] this is weird i just heard about this there's a wme william morris endeavors throwing a party before the show i'll do a show for them before the show blow out my voice my inherent neediness will dominate i'm just gonna make it my mandate not to talk there's like a it sounds crass but like kind of a make-a-wish foundation element to the whole thing like conan's got three months to live let's not tell him but let's let him have this complete fantasy how are you very nice to meet you how are you good to see you how are you yes i do hi how are you nice to see you chairman of warner brothers ah yes very nice to meet you i'm not used to they told me like yeah they have a party before the show and i said before the show she wrote she writes nice things about you oh well thank you so much you gotta go what's that they want you backstage i know this guy how are you all right how are you everything okay let's have a new rule about parties before the show it's just out there like working it i'm like this is [ __ ] up 10 minutes well it doesn't okay oh well yes [Music] i smell did you get i smell wet hey there he is yeah yeah did you get my email what [Music] that's the song i read about jack mcbride you stupid hick [Music] you were born in [ __ ] [Music] oh that's not nice what that's but anyway there's a whole part about a mule calling you on the phone why am i working this hard before i don't know no i'm not sure hey john guess who i'm doing hi john you wanna go out and try and get your neighbors two neighbors oh keep thinking uh hey i love love's felix too these will save my throat just need cocaine what is wrong with you he's changed i need it i had a different jackman [Music] okay you can't help but it is it's like watching the monopoly money guy walking around with a pig on a leash it's ridiculous will you say that this is crazy for me to be doing this before a show and she said well who's in control of things around here no you can't put this on sona she's like 18. so far it's been the most fun i've had in show business crazy who has a party for who does who entertains people before a show jeff's acting like i didn't do this i'm like aren't you [ __ ] in charge i'm poor i'm tired now [Music] but i'm telling you guys something doing this tour is a huge milestone for me huge milestone for me and i will tell you why i will tell you why this is the first time in my 20-year television career that anyone has paid to see me isn't that amazing first time anyone's paid to see me yeah well don't get me wrong they've paid to make me go away i think i lost three pounds on that one there's always an excuse for me to talk like well be good if you run this phone call it'll be good if you came by because if you talk to these people would really help it'll just take 10 minutes it'll take 15 minutes but it never does you could shoot me the left lung and i'll do this show but if i lose my voice we're done everyone's thrilled they're all outside people say hi this was so much fun we melted minds thank you so much it doesn't matter if it's freaking you too if i could old concert right i always have this intense compulsion to go on stage no matter who's on stage invariably security gets in the way yeah i'm gonna tell people that you just showed up i can't stop him what the hell thanks for having me thanks thank you for doing it this is amazing i'm gonna take a hot tub right now amazing am i in trouble if i don't can i go do this hey how are you i have a romance with you i've always just kind of wanted to run away and join the circus and that's what this show is number two and three now i made you some cookies conan now i know yeah i'm not it's not poisonous on three one two and three thank you for liking what i do you might just be happy oh that's what that's at the end of the day that's all i've ever wanted absolutely are you gonna bring this i can't shut up so i will talk to cab drivers for 40 minutes but i don't have to hey how do we get to each other hi how are you nice to see you how are you doing hello are you i see you come on can you see me hi precious how are you [Music] ready good good nice it's not the show that's going to kill me and there's this whole culture of backstage and you know i have real friends that i want to talk to but other people just come in and um and i don't even know them let's have a sister where's jeff ross you start with jeff ross this is not your job it's ridiculous yeah but i could be like hey you gotta go and then you'd be like oh no one but no it's gonna be very authenticated i'm gonna make you a tea a throat coat yeah yes yeah no you don't have to don't make me a throat i don't want to drink that [ __ ] you want a chamomile no you know what i want to do not talk to 100 people uh you know who i don't even know not have uh each coquette bring in 35 people i'd like somebody to help me people take the hinges off the door and everybody from the audience comes in here afterwards and want different combinations of photos i want a photo now i want a photo where you do the string dance can you hold this banana it's a private joke with my friend from iowa see which coquette that is we're going in there we are man organa atlantic city we're gonna hit it we're gonna quit it two shows one night how are you spell on my walking dead i'm gonna do some meet and greet i'll be right back okay let's go get a little piece of my soul away one two and three and i know she definitely wants one one on [Music] this one you so much do you have any advice how to get our children into episcopal uh dang it stupid fat little man is that freaking pizza it's freaking pizza what's this is this a telegram thank you from jay leno hope standup's going well ha ha see it's not so hard after all anyone can do it what's it like to have a soul i don't even know what he's are there hardcore about the support for conan o'brien i am and it's freezing scuffle we told the chin on his recent trip there was a better chances conan is a hero in our eyes he honorably stepped down poked a little fun all the way and dignifiedly let the chin place himself on a pedestal of garbage i'm not making this up this is real what is this for this one's uh oldie olson this is a huge monumental day in the history of atlantic city and everyone should roll out the red carpet for our old irish pal it looks like terrible terrible pizza anyway the point is i'm feeling pretty sexy right now you know how it works sexy man on tour equals groupies i'm looking for some coco groupies right now we gotta find some my friend andy richter has a camera and andy is gonna scan the crowd right now and he's gonna find us some groupies yes okay oh my goodness please keep it what are you doing are you spanking a pony what are you doing oh god i don't think we sell that t-shirt hi oh hey what the [ __ ] wait a minute what is that he knows how to work it i like your hair wait oh my god that's me i'm just going in between in between shows 10 minutes going in the interview sona 10 minutes see that crowd right there that's the crowd tonight that's tonight's crowd i'm like hey how you folks doing yeah kick them in the face powder oh sweet powder protect my skin the powder absorbable moistures oh powder sweet powder creating the illusion my skin is dry oh powder shut the [ __ ] up [Laughter] i walked away from the greatest franchise in history because i refuse to go on at midnight here i am on at midnight hey folks how you doing tonight okay that was horrible how are you doing tonight are you enjoying the show so far [Applause] it's fine i'm trying to give you the best show i can if i'm not doing something you want to see you got to tell me right now [Applause] no [Applause] let's get out of here let's make like a cold wind and uh another day another dollar on the road again i just can't wait to get on the road again the life i love is making music with my friend i can't wait to get on the road again why are we stopped here getting off this goddamn bus and finding out what's happening oh boy this would be good okay sona what's happening why did the bus stop how are you what's your name elaine elliott hey lindsay how are you hi how's it going we're headed to boston we have a band and i don't know so we do i do comedy but then i jump in with them because i play guitar and sing and we do it's a mix i like your glasses those are cool like that yeah yeah nice to meet you bye-bye keep the bling get more bling yeah we wish you all the best i i'm sorry they did what they did no that you know what i was sorry at the time too and then it turns out to be i would have been able to do that i wouldn't have been able to do the tour we're headed to ooh that's going to be nice can we pray for you can you what oh pray for me sure you can yeah that his finances are in their hands oh god keep him safe in his family god bless him unconditionally in jesus wow that's really beautiful thank you for doing that nice take care there's a reason why you're here i can't wait to get on the road again dear god please let me have a show again we'll stay over after the second boston show leaving the afternoon as late as possible probably three o'clock to get on this bill where we're on after the basketball game then we'll overnight after that to nashville it's 11 hour drive can we talk about bonnaroo for two minutes oh nice the dressing room situation is very primitive of one of the man buses will be backstage that's fine you look at me i'm a road dog now i know don't you worry about me i'll piss in a bucket i'll [ __ ] in your hat doesn't matter to me i know you don't enjoy rock this town but i have more fun doing that than anything else and i'm entitled to have some fun yeah but who's expense [Music] bye-bye beantown there are showers in here but they look very suspicious i'm not sure i love these wang showers i'm suspicious but i think i have a big shower [Music] no pictures hi mr o'brien my name's andy just don't speak to me all right i won't don't worry the entire ride home don't worry i won't say a word to you you lived here for 20 years of your life any emotional connection with this town yeah i really like this town but i didn't i'm not from here so i never felt like this was my home but now i don't even feel like boston's my home and los angeles doesn't really feel like my home i don't know where my home is hey chelsea hi hi how are you would you like to do any photos or anything you do one of these things i can but that's what you want you won't okay thank you so nice to meet you me too um let me see if he's uh still talking oh hi hi how are you and i'm kristen hi nice to meet you give you a present look at that that's great thanks dude all right bye do you think david hockney's queer no i said it's hot in here i haven't talked to sweeney yet about the plan with colbert is it a surprise she's just going to walk on i don't know this is the least for her i mean there's no rehearsal i hereby grant to you right that's right you do that so they know how to stop the music when you get hurt then i give you another so you dance first that was a big milestone to get past i mean to do you know radio city new york thanks for holding the elevator yeah oh no problem come in call me conan yes sir see sir you call me sir no one calls himself okay sir you gave this audience so much i don't they're they have no faces left oh my what is it oh they just have barricades up because there's quite a few people out there where do we go i'm not going to bed oh no no no no no you are not going out yeah i'm not i can't go to bed i'm not going to go home jeff you don't get it i can't go from this to doing what sitting and reading a kindle that's not going to [ __ ] happen hi thanks for coming you guys are awesome guys i can sign things it's kind of hard to take photos with everybody you know oh no you mean just for you you mean you're the nicest guy come on that guy said that was the only one oh so i guess that guy was lying i guess that guy was a dick guys we're done with the pictures because come on is that your catchphrase you can keep saying come on come on but it's really come on but it's really not coming across too well it's much easier to sign stuff hey everybody i got to go thank you so much [Music] can you shut that [ __ ] door thank you from here on in i want to make sure that the days off are really days off [Music] why do i feel like a fireman died [Music] [Applause] please tell me how much further do i have to go top of page two how many and where am i well it doesn't really matter how many things it's ten minutes how many ten minute performances before you we're dead it's over when everyone on the bus we're getting out of here this is crazy it's gonna be 11. [Music] 68 minutes from now if they stick to destination i need to catch it closely i'm going to the four seasons [Music] far from this opera forever [Music] oh [Music] oh not a mine now stop it just stop it [Music] she looked so [Music] that's all right we're looking as good as to be [Music] [Music] actually it's better now why don't you try it that's the time [Music] [Music] [Applause] i think that's it i'm going to the hospital now no photos like being in a zoo they don't look good i'm a known human being i can't be seen in it looking like this i'm gonna look like a freak andy good you look good it's all a fashion thing andy for christ's sake and i can't wear a white hat if you're wearing a white hat oh good it's miserable again this is ours until right after the show what about that you want to do anything you want this is all stuff i bought for you for today don't talk to me like i'm a child don't put up with it just stand up for yourself raw suit oh foreign people started lining up today at 5 30 for this show so we're gonna do a bunch of jokes about sass [Music] 15 minutes ago they told me the air conditioning went out in this tent it's like we're doing comedy in a native american sweat lodge this is great in six months i've gone from hosting the tonight show to performing at a refugee camp you seem to want to get a picture close up do you want to get a closer picture come on up that's okay it's all right so hold on let's get a picture together [Applause] right here this this old bonnaroo baby wow where are you going come back [Applause] [Music] you're amazing why why today and not any other that's me whenever i hear someone say that was amazing i think what was wrong with the other ones you gotta work out a way to get right into the van so i'm not sure of course i first met jack it was a couple years before the white stripes hit and i was in bowling alley in detroit no we gotta run i know just all right just give me one second [Music] good great thank you i mean can it be something as easy as just coming out and saying you know how's it going doing that you can be lighter blah and then be like here here's [ __ ] knots or something i mean can it be just like literally how you doing one joke again i don't think you're contractually obligated to do bits out there no it's not bad i i'm always disheartened when the people that actually made the arrangement are never here right right no one's here nobody ever knows what the [ __ ] they're talking about it's always yeah yeah it'll be fine it'll be fine i'll be fine and then jeff's on a plane and later he can save him it's almost over i know people keep saying that but that's what they said to anne frank you know you did not just compare yourself to anne frank you didn't do that took a stand my point is that i definitely got signed up for too much and moving forward you know there's a lot of not no one's thinking about burning me out nobody's thinking about it and when i burn out and everyone can't get he doesn't have a job anymore they're gonna be pissed that we have to be thinking about like wait a minute really he's doing a whole day with jack white and he's doing bonnaroo and he's introducing all the acts and he's gonna stay late and introduce jay-z and stevie wonder jim was informing me that you know the festival would like more than just a line or two and just that's been their take all along i honestly i didn't even know he was introduced until i emailed jeff two days ago i thought he was introduced in one act i was not i knocked every three hours okay i hate jeff right now let's start at the beginning we've got nas and gugu right let's start thinking of funny lines for naj and how to do it and then we'll get through that then it's on to the 55 other things i have to introduce that someone at wme agreed to and jeff checked off on the box do you like reggie reggae with all out all the drug drug king violence you're in the right place it's been trouble down in jamaica people told me when the comedian comes out in front of a festival crowd you should keep it short and get right to the music but i'm going to go a different way i'm about to do two hours on the life of best truman everyone have a seat this is going to take a while no i'm telling you all you do say how are you ready to rock or hip hop or whatever the [ __ ] it is that's what you're saying here we go it's nas and the nozzles no no no we have some good stuff i'll do a whole thing about best troops i'll find you later best truman just listen all right this is embarrassing but someone's gonna have to help me write these names on my hand because i'm telling you i'll get out there my life is so [ __ ] crazy that's all i need in front of seventy thousand people to forget nas and jump jump just put n o z are you guys ready to rock okay that's nice quite accurate are you ready to reggae are you ready to and hip hop are you ready to kiss your freak on in 95 humidity ladies and gentlemen damian marley [Music] how are you how do you do [Music] [Applause] [Music] faith in you are you ready [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] who's urinating now ladies and gentlemen [Music] you have 40 000 people in the palm of your hand it was like seeing hitler up there but like a [Applause] minutes is nice great stevie wonder hi damian marley please thank you hey yeah i was just talking to nas that's right what are you guys doing rejection take out the landing i need everybody to see fell on shoulder harness attached seats upright transition uh table stone uh item stowed electronic devices turned off in stone cabins pressurized for your comfort if there's a change of pressure mass would drop do they have to admit if they ever did drop disposal that prince disengage and put that mask that we know it's about one's behind the captain on the bulkhead and the others by that main cabin door to the left okay thank you very much i've used nas what's that damien marley here okay i introduced both i know nas all right thank you okay oh my god i don't i introduced damian marley and nas hey did you guys see me introduce damian marley and nas gus did you see that hey jeff did you know that i introduced damian marley and nas okay hey andy why did you know that i introduced damien marley and nas yeah i did i heard that okay cool [Music] i just can't wait to get on the road again the life i love is playing music with my friends i can't wait to get on the road again my own show again i just can't wait to get my own show again i'd even take a crappy prime time show at 10 on the road again khan with makeup lights and cameraman on the road again because i'd really like to talk to megan fox again megan fox again wow there's no we gotta get out and walk i'm ready it's been a long day oh hi is this nas hey it's conan i'm cool i'm glad you liked it it did what do you ask are you cool or are you uncool so conan uh who's your hip-hop heroes well i guess would be nas yeah and if it was reggae it would be damien marley yeah we should probably go pretty soon but anyway all right well keep it hip-hop then listen i'll tell you something my friend a rap rap ribbity wrap a rap rap rabbit rap i said rap rap ribbity rap rap rap is that a rap rap riveting rap that's gotta stop you know cause it's it's very peter pan you know it's very i'll never grow up you know i'll just jump around in the eddie murphy raw suit forever this is the most satisfying thing i've ever done in show business and i've been in show business since 1985 and this is the purest hit of excitement and adrenaline and everything that i love about show business but [Music] you can see the sickness of it too if i was away all the time i mean i haven't seen my kids in it's this weird problem where i absolutely love this i also understand that this needs to stop pretty soon [Music] [Music] can you tell me [Music] is [Music] [Music] it's a really exhilarating therapeutic ecstatic crazy thing to do for a period of time there's like an elation to this you know which is coming out of the utter despair of what happened [Applause] it's been the best uh the best summer camp i've ever been and that was crazy i don't know what this was that just happened this is a special thing it's chocolate cake you don't want to make it every meal you know you eat a cake every meal you did it you did a great great job you did a great job should be very proud my whole career has been trying to get closer and closer and closer to the real gritty core of show business you know i have these gigs where i was in a bungalow with right thinking of concepts i kept thinking this isn't it this isn't it this isn't this isn't it live felt much closer the late night show felt much closer because there's people in the hallway in horse costumes this thing anyone who knows me who watches this says now that's just raw you [Applause] [Music] i need to go home and like drive my kids to school do you know what i mean what will i have my agent driving to school [Applause] [Music] too much [Music] [Music] [Music] is [Music] [Music] too much [Music] so [Music] so [Music] [Music] [Applause] you

Channel: John Kingston

Views: 504,925

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Id: 5gMGC6a9H80

Length: 89min 11sec (5351 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 01 2021