Communicate with POWER | Lessons From The World's Greatest Communicator | John Maxwell

facts tell but stories sell when you begin to tell stories about different times in your life it gives you Dimension and it actually Alters their perspective and time of you if I had one wish yet it would be it the people could have seen me in the beginning what would they see they would have seen a person that wasn't a very good communicator as they said don't tell personal stories it'll make people think that you're kind of like a narcissist or an egomaniac but one day I just told a personal story and everything came alive when I tell my story it lives in me moral Authority comes from the life that you've lived we teach you what we know but we reproduce who we are stories are who we are you just have to get over yourself it is not about me it's about the audience how can I connect with what can I say how can I help them where are they you know you have to find them before you can lead them I gotta find myself to know myself I gotta know myself to be myself I got to be myself to improve myself I got to improve myself so I can get over myself so I could give myself to you success is about me significance is about others that is fulfilling that's a master class all time right there all time [Music] all right welcome back to the show everybody you know every once in a while I like to use my platform to highlight an up-and-comer you know like a rookie just somebody who needs some elevation in their life and so today is what it is I'm just kidding this my guest today is uh writing his 88th book he is a legend he is a mentor to me he's a friend I'm getting emotional already um and he is a hero of mine and uh I aspire to be more like him in my life and I'm so grateful that he's in my life I'm so grateful that he's going to share this time with us today for the third time on the show and every time he's on the downloads go crazy and he's also one of the greatest communicators who's ever lived and he's written a book about it and if anybody is qualified to write this book it is this man his new book is called the 16 undeniable laws of communication apply them and make the most of your message and he does it every time I'm with him John Maxwell welcome back to the show brother Ed it's so good to be with you and when you're talking about my stuff let me tell you something I could just flip that and ditto right back to you my gosh you talk about great communicators every time I hear you you just take me to a whole new level I learn from you and uh so I love you very much and I love the impact I love your heart for people and I love the impact that you're making around the world and every time we had you come out and do our lived Elite conference last year that went all around the world and I'm telling you and they're still they're still talking about your talk and it just had it just it in fact I had to come up after you were done and follow you and I I really wanted to get up and just say it's over I mean you know there's there are sometimes when the benediction is so good you don't need another benediction just kind of close it go home and and you just killed it you killed it we're still changing that ball we haven't found it but people tell us it's in One Direction so we're still trying to find it but thank you I love you and I love being on your show and thanks for having me and uh let's have some fun with the people yeah I got to tell you um thank you that was one of the most nervous times I've ever had speaking because it was you and your in the front row and I wanted to do such a good I don't know why I'm so emotional today well let me tell you something you killed it I think it just moved me and the people I mean they're still they're still talking about the talk and uh thank you so anyway well go ahead what are we going to say never whenever we're together it works you know it just works it does work but when you're on the stage you listen um by the way John's not just a great communicator on the stage he's incredible as you can see here but also one-on-one in his presence he's just he has this just ability to make you feel like the most important person well he's here's what he does he makes an impact and that's what he teaches you in this book and I read the whole book John by the way you just got it to me and it's like any of your books like I can read them more than one time and I can usually read them in one or two settings because they're easy reads you do something you talk about in the book we might as well just start there you have the ability to take really complicated things and make them seem simple yeah and you talk about that is actually one of the laws in the book of being able to be a great communicator is that something that you do I'm sure you do it intentionally but do you do it naturally well I do it intentionally uh let me say this I was a good good student but I wasn't a great student and so a lot of times when I was in college or in a classroom I would want the professor to break it down and make it much more simple I would look around the room I said am I the only one that's having a hard time here and and not maybe grasping and learning like I need to and so I really as a student I worked on helping when I would hear a talk I would say how could that be reduced I can apply it to my life yeah and so it almost started as a as a student and and I learned to reduce things and and bring them down and I tell people all the time I'm a communicator not an educator you know an educator takes something simple and makes it complicated I mean that's just who they are I mean honestly if you're in the education world if you're not confused they're not pleased you know what I'm saying and uh and then but then a community theater takes something complicated makes it simple and so my whole goal is to make things very palatable for people uh one of the things I teach in the book is the fact that if you have to keep explaining what you just said you haven't said it right the first time I mean and how many times we have person will explain and explain that just sit there and think why didn't you take some time on the front end yeah to simplify this so that everybody can apply it to their life and and I there are three real quickly there are three kind of I take the simplistic I start with simplistic and simplistic is not good it's it's it's fast and it's it's it's easy but it's not really deep and helpful and and and it's a it's a half truth it's never a whole truth you know so what if I say things like um experience is the best teacher that's a simplistic statement but it's not true if it were true then as people got older everybody get better and I know a whole bunch of people they're getting they're getting older but they're not getting better the experience isn't helping them at all although experience is not the best teacher reflection and learning from that experience is the best teacher wow so so how do I get from experience as the best best teacher to reflection and learning from experience the best teacher well you've got to go from simplistic to complicated or complex in other words you've got to wrestle with the statements and and you've got yeah and you've got to contextually take them from every angle until you can come to something that is really solid and something that is really true and something that really works and so just as simplistic is easy and fast you know complex complicated is is slow and deep but once you come through that comp and it takes a while to do that once you come through it on the on the simple side now it it it's fast but it's deep in other words people can grab it real quick but then they go home and they think about an Ed and they just they just can't they can't can't get away from it like when you wrote the book when you book The the when you wrote the book The Power of one more that is so simple that you can grasp it immediately but you can't you have to spend a lot of time on it to work it out in your life what a great Point yeah what a great Point yeah and so there so here's the here's the issue I think in communication uh when I was young when I was a young Communicator I I saw that I had Charisma and I saw that I could probably get by on stage with the with having fun with people and enjoying them and making them laugh and I I came to this decision am I going to am I going to wing it or am I going to work for it um and I was tempted to wing it because I could wing it and I could get by with it see here's the challenge when you're gifted in a certain area you can wing it and still be successful right you could be in that top 20 percent yes but it but to work for it that that's a whole different game and and and in the law of Simplicity you have to work for this you you have to work for work simple is hard work but if you work for it you can get the top two percent yeah and so what I tell people all the time is the tendency and the Temptation is in giftedness is you don't give it all because you just don't have to give it all I mean it's just it comes but because you don't give it all you you do well but you don't do very very well but if you would just work on that area of giftedness you'd get in that top two percent and you know as well as I do if you're in the top two percent whatever it is you own whatever you want to own it's it the world is yours and so simple I decided at a very young age in my 20s I was going to work for it I'm just going to work for it and I spent a lot of time I this morning I was I write every day this morning I was writing and I was wanting to make a statement and and I I worked on a statement probably for 40 minutes and it I I write it and I said that's not quite right gotta worry no no it's done still to fit and then finally about 20 minutes I thought okay I got it there it is there it is so I get up and I make the statement and people say oh my gosh the guy just that just flows out of him no no it didn't flow out of me it it didn't either it had to cook and work it inside of me a long time and and but I get it to the place where it flows out of me but yeah it doesn't flip good stuff doesn't happen automatically no no you know when I when I tell people that I do that too that are other speakers I kind of watch oftentimes their face kind of glaze over like you really do that I'll say I do because I do want to I want to be as effective as I can by the way I should have started out by saying to everybody that you can go to 16 laws of communication.com and that's with the one six in it 16 laws of communication.com get the book and I guess there's favorable pricing in there too you can actually get it for Less so 16 lawsofcommunication.com you go get it listen I can just say this with all conviction in the world the best books I've read collectively in my life are John's books and the best speaker that I admire that I look up to is John so when he writes a book on this topic it is something that you need to have and for the record everybody some of you are listening to going I'm afraid to speak I don't know that I should be one and one of the brilliant things in the book is and I'll have you talk about this John is that a great speaker and I have found this I think when I was young when I would speak if I'm being honest part of it was about me probably a significant part meaning I wanted to impress them I wanted to wow them you know I wanted them to think I was great that did a few things one I made less of a connection but two it put tremendous pressure on me because it was about me and a lot of you that are afraid of speaking that would probably be great at it it's because you're approaching it already from it being about you and if you would just shift the impact to the service of others your piece about even trying to do it would change and you'd be a 10 times better speaker so that's one of the laws in the book too so we might as well start there because I think some people need to come into this tent of speaking John to the tent of communication that thinks they don't belong in our tent and they do belong in the tent their flawed thinking is they think it's about them and that creates anxiety and fear which is sort of ego driven so talk about that for a second 100 percent my friend 100 percent it's it's the law of connecting and the log connecting just simply says connect communicators know that it's all about others it's it's all about others and I I can identify exactly when I started speaking it was all about me I mean I I hope they like me I hope I say it right did I say it right oh my gosh and and and and it it became like a I was a nervous bundle yes because I was I was uh man I I hope I did okay so when people say John what's the one thing I know there are 16 laws but what's the one thing to be a great communicator well the one thing Ed is you have to get over yourself you just have to get over yourself it is not about me it's about the audience it's not about me it's about the small group I'm dealing with it's not about me it's about the one person I'm talking having a one-on-one conference it's all about them and until I can get over myself because if I can't if it's about me I can't I can't really add value to you if I'm thinking about me I'm not that good I don't have the ability to think about me and think about you and be good on both ends I'm a little limited maybe someone maybe some people can but I can't so if it's going to be about you I've got to be thinking about you and it's and I've got to be focused on you and very quickly you'll realize John really wants to help me and add value to me I mean it's contagious and it's that connection so I tell people to get over themselves and and and uh so what we did it when when this book released we did a video and uh I told the people that were producing I said I want to start the video in the audience I said I want to I want I I don't want the you to shoot me on stage and I was in the audience all by myself sitting in a in a in a chair and and and and they assumed in me and I said this is where great speaking begins right here I have to constantly be thinking about the people and and how can I connect with what can I say how can I help them where are they you know you have to find them before you can lead them and you you just don't start leading people you just don't start speaking you have to find them as soon as you find them now all of a sudden you have the credit so I I this whole get over myself let me tell you a fun story there's a a company in Nashville the this this guy has a very successful writing company and he's read my books in fact he came to me I didn't know him he said I built my business off your stuff and he said you ought to write songs based on your books well I looked up as a man I've never done that before but you know me I I'm 76 but I I keep growing I keep learning I keep I mean why not try this so I went to Nashville and he put me in the studio with like the guys that wrote number one hits I mean big hits they were you know I'm like I always say if you're at the Head of the Class you're in the wrong class well I shouldn't even been in the class on this one I mean these these guys were pros and and I'm in there throwing that and and so we took the book on the laws of communication and I said I would like to use the get over myself theme and so we wrote a song called get over myself and and so if you're a listeners all you gotta do is go wherever you you know I don't know where you get your your music but wherever you get it just you know get get over myself and the chorus says and the course says it all it says I gotta find myself to know myself I got to know myself to be myself I got to be myself to improve myself I gotta improve myself so I can get over myself so I can give myself to you oh wow that's very good and the song is going crazy the song's going crazy I got it I got another one from my book uh uh make today count called uh uh day by day and I got my sometimes when sometimes you learn book or songs will come out next month but I'm having a blast writing these songs and of course again I'm I'm the least of the least and they're so kind to even let me in the studio with them but I'm throwing this stuff up and we're just having we're having a blast but I I tell you the moment that you think about the audience and and I can hardly wait to speak I'm not nervous at all I can hardly wait to speak because I'm going to go out and I'm going to give them something that is going to help their life and that is so fulfilling and so enriching to me that it gets me over anything that is about me yeah are you getting ready to win a Grammy this will be you're going to win a Dane Grammy for your music now I have no idea but I know I'm having fun you know again I don't know if you all understand this John's 76 years old and I think you all go hey man you Ed you work hard they see my social media in my pace and I am telling you this is not this is not I'm not being nice John is everywhere all the time crushing it crushing it yeah like before we went on he's told me about golf that he just played there's a way to have I think one of the keys to longevity is that you do live a full rich life but you do bust your tail the entire time John is I've been with John's but I just got from Europe I'm going here now I'm in Tennessee oh I got to fly to California my gosh am I getting out worked by John and by the way you can tell his enthusiasm level is through the roof as well I want to ask you this though did you just say you're not nervous when you speak do you not get nerves at all anymore no no have you had I think you tell a story though a time you did I think you're going to Boston I think it's going to Boston Maybe yeah I I study you so you're going to Boston is I think The Story Goes you were replacing a speaker or something but there's a great lesson in this story do you know the one I'm talking about oh yeah you talk about Peter Lowe when he had his seminars again and and he called me one day and uh I was home and he said that uh oh gosh I'm the guy that was Superman in the movies okay he was sick and he was the last speaker on the day and he said I I can't speak today and so Peter says he called me in the morning and said John can you get up to Boston and and and and and fill in I said well yeah so I jumped on a plane and I went up to Boston and I got there just maybe 30 minutes before I was supposed to speak and so I'm kind of Backstage to get me all hooked up and then I find out they haven't told the crowd hello hello they haven't told the crowd the Christopher Reese is sick it isn't going to be here the crowd they've been staying all day Waiting for Superman to come and show and and I'm saying and I'm backstage you haven't told them yet what do you mean what are you doing to me they're looking for Superman they're they're not going to get Superman they're going to get the Pillsbury Doughboy out there they're not getting Superman they're getting fat man I kid you not they went out right before now they're all Christopher Reese here you come Superman's about to come sure we're so sorry you know Christopher Reeves couldn't come today we have John Maxwell well 300 people get up and walk out as I'm coming out on stage they're already leaving I mean they're already leaving and then when they see me another 200 people get up in there and it's like it's like horrible and I I looked at him and of course all you could do is you just start laughing and say you know I'm I'm so sorry you know what I'm saying you know now the good news is once I started speaking no one else left but it yeah I mean hello I mean who's gonna who's gonna replace Superman did you say something when you came out to grab their attention or to get them or to connect with them did you say something said guess what I'm not Superman I'm in trouble and you're going to have to help me but if you'll stay with me I'm going to I'm going to help you and and you know what I did I got them on my side really what I did is what you what you do in cases like it's like the international audience when I speak internationally I ask them questions all the time I'll say now I want to tell you a story but does this happen in your in your culture and sometimes we'll say yes and I'll say okay let me tell you what happens is if you do that you engage them and very quickly they become an ally and they they get on your side and and so they help us when they realized that I wasn't Superman they said well fat man needs my help I'm going to hang out with him and they did and and so it came out okay but obviously I was set up I mean I was set up for there's no there's no goody thing about I mean when I saw that on back never in my life have I been more tempted to turn around gosh I can't even imagine hey not only a Superman sick fat man just got sick too you know I I'm actually crying I'm actually crying thinking about it and by the way you guys I I know that because he's my dear friend I say this but I I want you to get this book I just really believe that more people could be great communicators than believe that that actually think they can be and so go to 16 laws of communication.com and get John's book the thing that John I think is maybe the best I've ever seen at and it's one of the laws it's law number 12 in the book you have to read the book to get all the laws everybody we're gonna go through a few of them today but what are the laws in the book and by the way you all are good at this you just need to work on the skill because there's certain areas of your life you're already great at it and that is that I think great speakers in fact my favorite people to be around at a dinner or a lunch are storytellers people who can tell a story and law number 12 is the law of Storytelling which you just did so well right there but elaborate on that a little bit of because I I watch a lot of speakers throw a bunch of facts and PowerPoint and slide this and slide that and I'm like facts tell but story cell right like I want to hear a story I'm going to remember the story so talk about that a little bit well you know what I think when you're with us the last time you're talking a lot about the story of your father you know it it just what it does is it humanizes the speech would you tell a story immediately you're telling their story because when I tell a story we all have calmness in our life and all of us have commonness and experiences that's why when you're in a group and somebody tells a story what's it do it triggers somebody else's oh and I remember I remember doing and all of a sudden you're going around the table and you're just bouncing off each but what happens is stories stimulate our own personal journey and our own personal stories and and it becomes it becomes something that everybody can identify with you know I I grew up as a theolog so I was trained in Theology and basically one of the things they taught me which was terrible is they said don't tell personal stories because it'll it because it'll it'll make people think that you're kind of like a narcissist or an egomaniac and and so for about a for my first year I didn't tell any personal story I just told stories and and they were good but one day I just told a personal story and everything came alive and what I found out was that when I tell my story it lives in me and it has it when I'm teaching our lesson or I'm speaking I can either transfer information from me to you which is not effective all or it if it goes through me to you wow there's a difference between coming from me to you and through me to you and so whenever I'm doing my writing of a lesson I always make sure that I have some personal illustrations in it and I always and and ask and the other thing is I ask myself when I'm doing that do I live this is this something I'm living because when I was young in my 20s at I I made an important decision that I was only going to teach what I lived and What I believed and I just wasn't going to teach and so there are a lot of things I don't teach teach at all and some of them are probably very good but I just don't live them right I I maybe don't believe him and and I what I found is personal conviction the moral Authority comes from the life that you've lived and and and and so we we teach you what we know but we reproduce who we are and and stories are who we are and they're they're so transferable do people remember numbers do people not remember stats I don't even use like I don't know charts and things like that honestly and the reason I don't use them is because I never understood them myself and so it's kind of like if I can't figure them out if you can't figure them out you sure can't teach them that's for sure and so but stories live that they have they have breath to them and and they draw all the people in immediately and when you know when you again when you were at our conference you were so superb you were so superb and you started talking about your relationship with your dad everybody had a relationship with a dad yeah by the way so did you I want to acknowledge something about you want to say one thing everybody I was just sitting here listening to you I was thinking man this is pretty cool for people to listen to two of the you know more sought after speakers in the world talk about this topic and then the best John has written this book about it but that day so by the way what I try to do is try a me story with a you meaning yeah meaning I'm telling a story about me but you're getting your own meaning from it that's an important key everybody when you tell stories and John's the master at this but that day the other thing it does is it gives you more Dimension so what they see when you walk out on stage is the current version of you and when you begin to tell stories about different times in your life it gives you Dimension and it actually Alters their perspective and time of you so even that day and I know you well after I spoke it doesn't matter what the story was everybody but John then got up and actually I don't know if you remember this John you talked about your dad and lessons he had taught you and what a prayerful good man he was in lessons and what it did it's interesting because even now when I see you it's different I want to tell you the impact a story can have I pictured you as a little boy and so I've always admired you as a mentor but you're older than me you were always like when I started in this space the first book I read was your leadership book right the irrefutable laws of leadership and so I've always pictured you at this version of your life and when you started to tell this story about your dad it switched and now I could see you as a little boy and then I saw you in your 30s because the story was from those times and it gave the depth and a connection that went far deeper not just the story but a different time in our lives gives you a dimension when you speak and it's it's actually now when I see you I actually see the little boy and the man that I admire and it's very deep connection when somebody does that and that day you were emotional speaking about your dad as well but I just want to acknowledge that something that that I noticed when you did it that day for me because I watched a lot of speakers can I jump in on that just for a second because this is so helpful because I love I love your dimension phrase because that's exactly right if if I could have one wish granted um you see people are seeing me on the back end and they're seeing me where all the success is and yeah you know it's compounded through the years it's just compound and and what I say is in the beginning you're not as bad as people think you are but if you do it right in the end you're not as good as people think you are because it compounds and if I had one wish yet it would be it the people could have seen me in the beginning what would they see well they would have seen a person that wasn't a very good communicator wow they they would they would here's why I want them to see me in the beginning if they saw me in the beginning everybody would have great hope for themselves um if they saw me in the beginning every person would say I can do that I I that's as reachable as could be that guy wasn't that good I could hey I can bore people for 35 minutes like he just bored me and and it would it would be so much because one of the things I don't like about success is it separates us from people and and I hate that I don't want fans I want friends I want I I you know I want to close that Gap but at this age it's hard to close that because okay I've spoken 13 000 times in over a hundred countries of the world of course I'm a great communicator if I can't communicate after 13 000 times go home do you understand the wrong profession go home but what people don't understand it was the practice hmm it's the it's you you cannot separate action from success and you can't separate intentional practice from success and so after thirteen thousand times of course I'm good because I've been practicing and practicing and prep just like the people that are on the podcast right they'll be good too but if they could have seen me on the front end interesting it would help them because that's where they are when you talked about the dimensions of stories when we tell stories about different times in our life it does help people see us in in another dimension that is very helpful for the for the learning and the growth but I don't like the separation that success brings I I abhor it I I wish that I wish there was a way to to close that Gap because I you don't help people when you're separated from people you only help people when you're beside him and you walk with them and they can connect with you if that makes sense yeah you said something to me once I'll mess the quote up but I actually quote you when I speak um because I I also believe self-deprecation making fun of yourself is a great way to connect with people if it's true and sincere right when you when you speak and I messed the quote of all time but I actually quote you in the current version of what I'm talking about and I quote something you said to me I quoted incorrectly but it goes along these lines that you said to me Ed something like if you really want to uh impress people show them how perfect you are but if you want to connect with people reveal to them your imperfections yeah totally it's the impact impress impact if you want to impress people talk about your success you want to impact them talk about your failures and the reason I think that's important is because I think a lot of people think they have to have all these impressive things they've achieved in their life prior to making an impact on people now I do believe you should have some type of a track record and have done something when you're speaking about it but I don't believe you have to be this tremendous success in order to make an impact in fact I think sometimes that your proximity to the audience in terms of how far you are from them in your success some of that proximity is actually a really good thing and that that success does separate you if you're not careful from the audience one of the things that you do when you speak this is subtle and it's maybe too subtle to share on the podcast but I watch it in you and it's something that I think is it's probably one of the only other two laws we'll cover because I wanted to get the book but you use better than anyone ever silence when you speak yeah you use it and my stand-up comedian friends always tell me when I speak Ed the funny is after the jokes told it's in the silence and when I speak the biggest change in my speaking over the years is my comfort level with silence when I talk that an amateur speaker or a newer speaker doesn't like silence they talk too fast and they talk too much in my opinion you are the all-time best at the pause and the moment in between the words so that it makes an impact I make mistakes sometimes even still to this day John where I've made an impact and I go right into the next thing and I don't let that impact sit with the audience long enough so please talk about that yeah I'd love to I call it in the book The Power of the pause and and I I I'm very intentional let me just say first of all in my coaching with people I find that the hardest thing to coach people in speaking is the pause and for for a long time I kept asking myself Ed why is it that when I share with them that they need to pause more that they don't do it and I finally came up with the answer in fact when I was writing the book it finally hit me the reason that we're uncomfortable when we speak with pausing is the moment I stop I give up control to the audience very good and we subconsciously don't want to give up control we want to control we know where we want to go with the speech and here's where we are and so so we keep talking talking talking I got control I got control when I stop all of a sudden I allow the audience to think and just like your comedian friends they're exactly right that pause is where what they said that was really funny I'll tell you what the pause does the pause underlines your words um so when I pot when I say something like people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care if I pause wow the people are on that thought they're underlining that thought mentally if I don't pause I immediately moved them on and and what I do is most speakers they play catch-up the whole time most speakers get in front of their audience and they speak without pausing without giving that uh that time for people and so what happens is the people are trying to catch up with them the whole time and they're they're never be they're never with them because they're behind them if somebody's behind me whatever I'm saying doesn't have its full effect so that pause is so huge because it gives the audience a chance to what basically I'm saying is is you can you can catch up with me I'm gonna let you catch up and and then and then when I pause and I turn around and I walk back to my to my bar stool and sit down and then look at them it's entirely different man I I remember in school when if the if the kids were Rowdy what would the school teacher do sometimes they would just stop talking yeah and the site and finally even the kid that talked the most that all of a sudden everybody is very conscious nobody's talking and and this teacher got control of the room by not saying anything until everybody got up to up up to speed with if that if that makes if that makes sense and and the pause is so powerful for transition it's it's it's a powerful it's a powerful pivoting tool and it allowed I'll tell you what else it does it allows people to feel emotionally if we speak fast all the time they can't feel the emotionally the words and if they can't feel emotionally the word the words don't have the same impact on them I'm receiving them mentally but when I pause they now can they can they can digest those words geez why and they could put them on the inside and now all of a sudden I'm emotionally connected with you Ed because you just gave me a chance not only to hear what you said you gave me a chance to go down inside of me and feel what you said which is just absolutely huge and and one more thing I mean the pause is just powerful and I think this is a big Miss I think that when you pause you give people a chance to hear the whisper and and you know I'm a person of faith I'm not trying to throw that on anyone else but but but but but when you say things that are substantial and things that have meat to them and have application to them if you pause sometimes what you said God the spirit whatever Whispers to your heart in fact I ask myself when I hear a speaker did I hear the Whisperer any time during the speech and I can only hear the whisper if the speaker lets me have a little time I don't know a couple seconds just to settle in and hear and and you know Henry now and said silence is an act of War against the competing voices within us and I just think I love that statement Henry now was a great thinker great great he was a great man and I but but I I love it and I think it's my responsibility I want them to hear my voice but there's a higher voice that's a master class right there that's it if I pause Ed I give him a shot of here in the higher and let me tell you this my voice they'll forget the higher voice they will not forget all time right there all time right there that's an Alzheimer you guys as someone who does a lot of this um I can tell you right now that is profound wisdom right there and something that you feel it when that higher voice is Whispering to you you feel it you don't hear it you feel it and that's when a speaker has done an unbelievable job as they get out of the way and let that higher voice make the impact on you and that's what you did at l2l when you're with us that's exactly what you did I promise you you've learned the pause you've learned it I hey I I learned it I learned it from a a a a beautiful African-American preacher in South Los Angeles in the Watts area and I I would go up and speak for him we were friends Evie Hill was his name EV Hill he's passed away and and I watched him and when he got to something that was really important what he did is he it the pause also creates great anticipation and he would get us right to where we were ready to hear this unfolding unbelievable thought I'll never forget take a handkerchief kind of wipe his face walk around to the other side of the pulpit lean in and then deliver it and I would watch him and I'd say oh I want to be just like that I never got back I never got that good but I've tried it's not that true I want to say this I I swear to you I don't want this just to be a love affair with you on the show but I want everyone to understand this I learned that from you and I'm not I'm not saying that because he's here I've looked at my speaking I thought what what is this thing he does because John when he was a little younger would still stand still most of his speech didn't move around a lot it wasn't a big Pacer he did some but now when John speaks he's even better and oftentimes he's seated most of the time and I'm like how does he do this and it's these unbelievable pauses before a profound statement and after and he is the best at this and the reason he's the best at it is because of his faith background and it is that is that he does understand that there's a higher voice and so I I got that from you and it's something by the way forget stage speaking everybody I do that with my children now when I make a point of course I I do it in I do it with my my wife I I want to say something and just let it sit there and feel it and not move on to the next thing it's it's where I learned it it's um it's remarkable a couple more things because I want to make sure everybody gets the book so 16 lawsofcommunication.com by the single greatest author on I I say thought leader um leadership expert communication expert I think life expert when you get to 76 and you've traveled around the world and impacted millions of people you become somebody who knows a lot about life and one of the things though that you talk a lot about is preparation and I think this transcends speaking but when it comes I'll let you speak about preparation it's law number four in the book but for me one of the years if I can be specific that I see speakers not prepare enough on is actually how they're going to finish their speech so what I watch with speakers is a lot of people know they kind of want to know what they're going to say first because that's the thing they're the most nervous about I gotta walk out what am I going to say first and I think sometimes some people know what they're going to say in the middle like what's the point but I watch and I want you to talk about preparation overall but maybe at the end tie this to it I don't know if you've noticed this number one thing I see is someone's done a pretty good job and they don't know how to finish and they keep talking and they keep talking and they talk themselves out of the great whisper because they didn't really get to the end of their preparation and how they were going to finish or they think I have to finish on a bang you know and a lot of my comedian friends even say hey man the last joke doesn't have to be the funniest it just has to be the last joke yeah so I'm just curious as to your message about preparation and if you have any agreeance with me especially about the end yeah I do uh first of all you want to always have integrity with your Audience by being prepared I I I I I I think what an injustice to people who came and sometimes spent money and gave time and you walk out there half cocked and not ready to deliver what I mean that's just there's no there's no reason for that so we're all assuming in this communication talk that you're going in at least at your very best preparation possible okay whatever that is you're right on the front end because all is well that begins well and so we want to get us started so what's the story I want to say we all got that but there's a difference between good coaches and great coaches and there's a good difference between good speakers and and and great speakers and here it is good coaches have a pre-game plan you know they when they get ready for the game they've got they've laid it out we've here's the first eight offensive plays these are the five first you know we they have it all played out good coaches have a pregame plan but great coaches make halftime adjustments it's it's the great coaches come out different the second half with their team because what they've watched the team they've watched their team they've watched that they oh my gosh I I didn't I didn't see that coming I didn't know they were going to be using that type of an offense as much so at halftime they're they're they're they're they're doing a lot of adjusting a lot of adjusting they haven't but let me tell you you can't adjust what you don't know um so the big mess is we make adjustments but we don't know where to go we just know that it wasn't working and so when it when something doesn't work what does a person do they talk more they they think well if I keep talking maybe I'll talk myself into something or talk myself out of something or talk them into something and so nervousness is well I just keep talking and you're like I said Edward said come on close it close it you know you're losing your audience down that process so the halftime adjustments in communication you're out there I mean I've got my lessons my teaching I've got it all out there but I'm also aware that while I speak the audience is going to all of a sudden latch onto a part of something and and maybe I thought oh I didn't have a clue that's going to connect with him so well now my ability to stay there but you can't stay there if you don't have experience and material so you have to have my father you know the word Maxwell is a Scottish word and it really comes from having a filling the well up to the max it a full well and my father also was a you know speaker communicator and you know was working full-time at 95 passed away at 98 but the process was and he said John always have your well full he said always have more to deliver than you can deliver because you don't know what's going to always work the best but what you find at work if you've over to now bring some more of that stuff bring that excess in there and just fill that Pipeline and stay there as long as you possibly can and I think that's I think that's a big mess now that only comes by experience yeah you you this is not something that you do the first time you you speak the first time you speak You're just wanting to finish you know what I'm saying and be done and go home and but but but through experience as far as the ending is concerned in the book I think one of the one of my favorite Parts about the book was what I call the four F's of awareness when you look when you when you look at the audience there are four words that they start with an F that you have to constantly be aware while you're teaching and the first one is how does my audience feel I I wonder how how do they feel how do they feel do they feel like they're happy and excited and do they do they have are they already leaning in you know are they let you know are they laid back are they you know are are they a bunch of people saying I'm not really sure why I'm here but how they feel I want to find out how you feel then I go to that second f if I can find out how you feel Ed and I can say you know what I have felt the same way oh my gosh he knows what I'm thinking he knows what I'm feeling he he understands me he understands me so what are they how's the audience feel what are they feeling have I felt the same way and then that fourth third f is and let me tell you what I found that worked for me this worked for me I'm not saying it worked for you but it did work for me so let me at least share with you and so that now you tell them kind of what you've learned and then you use the fourth f as and I think that I can help you find the answer to and and the moment that you get those four F's and you're working this forward with your teacher you follow me it works it just works yes by the way I do that when I'm in a disagree with somebody I'll say listen I know how you feel I felt the same way myself but what I found was what I don't add but what I have not added was before Jeff and I've never heard that in my life before which is I think I'll help you find the answer it gives them hope you you are the best in the world I want to ask you I'm gonna take you off script about off the book for a second like now it's me and you yeah wait go to 16 laws of communication.com and you will get the master class on becoming a great communicator from the master by the way in his prime he's better than he's ever been and I've watched John speak now for as a student many many years ago um as somebody who's spoken on the same stage as him and then recently even in the audience watching him again he's just incredible um but just like a life thing I'm just curious you get to this stage of your life I feel like there's like a and I I didn't even I was going to ask you this today but I just feel like I watch you and you're so joyful and happy I feel like there's a happiness deficiency in the world so this has nothing to do with the book maybe it does maybe people don't communicate well enough with one another and that's part of the deal what have you found over 76 years that brings you the most happiness in other words in a life well lived which you're still in the prime of um you're probably going to live far past where your dad lives means you live into the hundreds but in a really well-lived life like what's brought you the most happiness if you could share that with you I've never asked you that on the show before and you're such a happy joyful person has it been your work your faith your fam what something specific what would you say to that well first of all there is not a simplistic answer it is all those things par being part of the context you're with me but but to give you the answer that that you're wanting something that's a little definitive the answer is what keeps me in the game and what brings me so much joy is the people that I add value to and I help I I mean every day I how I think how fortunate I am every day books I write things I teach help people and so when people say well how do you stay motivated I mean aren't you tired don't you get tired of course we're human we all get tired but but what keeps you in the game I mean I don't need to be in the game I mean I I don't I I don't I mean I'm blessed okay I don't I don't need to be in the game you don't need to be in the game you're you have money I have money and so I I'm not in it but I'm in it because I'm making a positive difference in people's lives and I can't think of if if what if there's something better than that somebody's going to tell me so I can go that way too but but you know I mean I live on two I have two wonderful homes I live on golf courses but there has to be something better and bigger than what is my tea time today I mean there just has to do I enjoy I love to play golf I want to play some work off with you oh I love to play more there has to be something you have to live beyond yourself Ed I you know when we talked about get over myself I success is about me significance is about others and I live in the I live in the significant world I I've already had a success you have all the we have we don't I don't mean this on Kylie I've got all I need but now I've got so much to give and I think and one other thing is I'm constantly I'm still growing I'm still curious I'm still asking questions I'm still taking notes I'm still learning I'm sitting at the feet of people like you and and I'm getting better and I think that is huge my father when he was 92 we were having lunch one day and he said John he said I just want you to know I think my best days are still ahead of me and he's 92. well how could he say that he's still growing he's still learning so I think I think growth is happiness I think when people are growing they're very and I think then I think significance living for others is fulfilling so I think when I put the personal growth of I'm a student and I'm teachable and I'm still learning with the fact that I'm still helping and adding value to people and you put those two together and by the way if you're not growing you can't keep adding value to people this is the big Miss I mean you can't write 90 books or 88 books or whatever it is I have no if you're not still learning and growing I mean you get one book one song you know remember Debbie Boone and she what you light up my life I'm telling my age you probably don't even remember that I know Debbie Boone is I'm pretty sure my age yeah yeah well Debbie Boone had one hit and it was like a hit for like number one for six months it was just it rained it was huge but it was the only one she ever had well after you've heard Debbie sing that 50 times you want to say Debbie is there another song and and the answer is no there's not another song you know and I love the song love you Debbie yeah but but I got this I got that song down you know is there another if you're not growing you only have one song you only have one talk you only have one book but how do I keep adding value to people I keep learning and growing myself and basically what I do is what I learn I just pass on to people as quickly as I can that is fulfilling man that's such an awesome answer and by the way everybody if you you're feeling a lack of happiness I check those two areas am I growing still and am I adding value to other people am I contributing and if those one of those are deficient that might that's probably the answer I um I don't think I've had a show fly by in an hour this quickly it's just because I love my time with you so much and especially on this topic um you've been such an important influence in my life John and and I'll give you the greatest compliment I can give somebody I often when I make decisions even though you know I don't call you for these decisions I actually ask myself often I used to say what would my dad do yeah and there's a list of about three or four people in my life I just think how would John respond what would John do and I do that with you and I think that's probably the highest compliment and truest compliment I could pay you that that's the level of admiration I have for you I mean what I said earlier I I aspire to be more like you you're you're a hero to me so thank you for today oh thank you when I left home today I told Margaret that I was going to be with you and I said it's a highlight and it hasn't even happened yet can I tell you something yeah you're the best thank you brother you're the best if there's somebody that does a podcast and can host and ask questions better than you you're gonna have to tell me who they are because I want to get on their show too you're the best I love you greatly respect you love doing stuff with you so let's let's go help people together and let's go play golf together as soon as possible okay I would love that brother we did that today 16 lawsofcommunication.com the 16 undeniable laws of communication by the goat share today's episode everybody with anybody that you care about anybody wants to be a better Communicator or anybody who wants a better life and Today's Show will deliver that for him God bless you all max out foreign [Music]

Channel: Ed Mylett

Views: 238,046

Keywords: ed mylett, mylett, how to communicate better, maxout, the power of one more, ed mylett john maxwell, john maxwell, communication tips, public speaking anxiety

Id: kYnumZgnpaY

Length: 55min 31sec (3331 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 01 2023