Common Cents for Your Relationship - Part 3

[Music] hello everyone welcome back to work the way you're now tuning in to part three of common sense for your relationship we're talking all things finances and relationships and how it all works together as a reminder we are wrapping up the suit this series with a live Q&A tomorrow July 17th at 8 o'clock p.m. Eastern Standard Time we're gonna do live here on YouTube so make sure you if you're not subscribed that you subscribe that you hit that notification bell so that you know when it's coming and also future videos when that's gonna happen as well alright so now we're going to transition into finances during that period of engagement during this series of engagement where you have actively moved forward and taking that step to prepare for marriage and so what are some questions that you might run into during that season of engaged and question the first question we're going to ask is is there a level of readiness that a person should be at financially before proposing or getting engaged Wow well that's a really good question you know I think it's important for us to understand our role in the relationship and as a prospective husband your role is to you know make sure that you understand how your home will govern its finances you know I believe the role the husband is is summarized into two distinct principles and that's in provision and also protection and so provision both spiritually and physically and then also protection both spiritually and physically and so when it comes down to that physical provision of the home is its I don't think it's necessarily reaching a specific financial number per se but I think that it's do you have a solid understanding of how to govern your family's finances if you invite this you know young woman into your life are you going to be able to you know provide for this home as the Lord desires for you to provide you know first Timothy chapter 5 verse t it says there that but if any provide not for his own and especially for those of his own house he hath denied the faith and is worse than Fidel so we have to understand the financial responsibility that comes with being a husband and so if you're asking for a you know a young lady's hand in marriage are you ready to invite them into a home to provide for her and then also to provide for you know a future family should God bless you with that right it's not about like you said a specific number so in terms of readiness to be married we're not saying you have to have X number of dollars in the bank in order to be married because it could be here today gone tomorrow right but like brendan said it's more about the principles and then obviously are you in a position to be able to provide right if you're you know 15 years old in high school or 16 whatever that ages and you're not working that might not be the time to be thinking about you know marriage and so then we would say that you you're not ready but it's not about specific number it's about the principles and the maturity and where you are our next question is how should you handle the pressure to have an elaborate and I think the premise behind this question is like spending money on a wedding right how do you handle the pressure to really go all out as we often can see you know either on social media TV whatever it is in hindsight 2020 there are a lot of things we would have done differently about our wedding especially how much respect on it we didn't you know go overboard but we did spend way more looking back at it then we need a - I think before talking about how much you're willing to spend on the wedding it's important to talk about okay what is it important for us to have together as a married couple what is the vision for our marriage and our future together I don't think we necessarily did that we kind of just went from being engaged into like alright let's start planning the wedding Brooke we didn't think about like oh you know do we want the car forever do you have a car fund set up do we want to buy a house at some point do move did until we start saving for a down payment do we want to travel and take trips do we want a vacation fund that we want to start we didn't think about the days after the wedding just jumped right into planning the wedding and we would not recommend that and so I think reducing that pressure begins with starting with asking the Lord like what is it that you want for our marriage and our union together and how can we financially focus on that rather than a wedding I think that it's possible to have a really nice wedding tastefully done without spending a lot of money it takes creativity it takes a team it takes resources but we do believe that you can have a really nice wedding without breaking the bank oh man it can be tastefully done certainly everything basically the music like love your life not theirs in this um in this text center in a world that we live in it can be so easy to become just enamored with all the elaborate you know celebrations that are that that can take place when you just have you know unlimited resources I mean you scroll through you know the news today and you can see so much display going on and it can be easy to become you know just surrounded by that and your mind becomes filled with that and then you think that you have to you know somehow keep up with that and we just want to encourage you to think thoughtfully about the foundation that you want to have as you're beginning a marriage and I mean imagine like we think back about we think back on and we're just like wow we could have had such a you know a healthier you know start to our marriage you know have we made different decisions when it came to our wedding and so we just encourage you to think about that right and what foundation do you want to start for yourself and then also you know planning for future family and that's where it got Lee's yeah we um there's a lot we can say on this we've actually thought about doing a video on this so if you're interested in that drop a comment below and we'll consider doing a video on that next question what should I do if my fiancee has existing debt and doesn't mind adding more to it Wow well this is time for a very serious discussion it's important for you to to have a real heart-to-heart about how you both relate to dead and you know how you desire for your home to relate to debt in the future it's not saying that this is a make-or-break in the relationship but it would be if I was in this situation it would definitely give me pause to say well I'm going into this marriage and if I have one perspective on debt and you like I'm trying to climb out of debt right fighting my way out of that and you're trying to dig the hole deeper then we're working against one another right for our goals for the family or for our future family together and so I think just a real heart-to-heart about you know where each person stands and maybe there was a misunderstanding maybe there's an opportunity for learning and for sharing about what you may know of what you may understand about debt from the Bible and from your personal research and whatnot but you know yeah that's what I would encourage someone in this situation to do and then you know pray for discernment about which path to take after you have that discussion so you can either come and be on the same page and say great we understand borrow is saved to the letter okay we can move forward all right like I don't really know we maybe we need to slow slow down you know this relationship and maybe you know pause on just planning for this wedding if we can't agree on this foundational piece to family finances yeah this is definitely something I think can be pulled out more in a premarital counseling session you know we definitely had a session on finances and really talking through our views on how finances and debt finances in debt so I think that you know if this is a conversation that needs a little bit more mediation in that type of thing that it's good to talk it out and pronouncing as well hey man and our next question is what should I do if my significant other doesn't want to be transparent about their finances before marriage so this is someone is not willing to share anything about their finances before marriage I'm not quite sure how that would work but I will say when it comes to finances communication is essential yeah it's important to really be willing to have conversations now if a person is not willing I think you have to step back and ask ourselves why is it is it that you know the transparency that you're asking for is unreasonable like it's a little bit too pervasive whatever that could look like or is there really something to hide right there really something that you wouldn't know until after the wedding back there are you know thousands of dollars being sent somewhere whatever it could be so I think it's a point to examine why why is there this lack of willingness to trends be transparent is it because maybe when the conversations happen there's like a beating over the head or there's like a pushing of one side more than listening and understanding the other side whatever it is I try to seek up the roots of why you know there might not be a willingness to share because I do think it's important to have transparency and when it comes to finances in marriage we're gonna talk more about that in part three yeah but if this is happening before you get married it's important to get to the root of why yeah exactly and yeah I just piggyback off of what sure I was saying in that you know trance what level transparency are you asking for you know is it reasonable is it you know appropriate for you know the stage in your relationship you know are you trying to be all up in their personal checking account to know what expenses are taking place that's what a thing like gonna be you got to be careful to guard against going to the extremes here as we shared in previous questions and answers you know it's appropriate to understand this person's approach to finances understand you know at this stage of the relationship understanding you know those sources of income and you know their their debt their outstanding debt that they may have and just kind of like what they're working through financially but you got to be very careful about what you no demands you're placing on you know your your significant other just at this point in times though yeah answer that question about what level transparency are you seeking right important cuz sometimes somebody might be willing to protect some maybe they have a large inheritance and you know one someone to be marrying them just for money right so overall when you are in this stage of preparing for marriage you're engaged you're on the road to the wedding day and becoming one our recommendation is that now is the time to get a little bit more intimate in your conversations about finances it's important to talk more about your values your goals budgeting getting an idea of what the financial state of your home would look like we definitely advocate for having these conversations in a premarital count counseling as well and obviously not putting too much pressure on yourself to have a huge wedding to spend a lot of money there because it's just a day and it goes by fast we were engaged called little money no problems so definitely check it out if you want but yes so we're going to cover several financial questions as it relates to marriage and just share from our experience what we've learned and hopefully something that will be a blessing to you well we're learning all right let's get to it so the first question we're getting right into it right into the heart of it joint versus separate so do you advocate for having separate accounts in marriage so that you won't have to check with your spouse for even minor purchases or is there a better way to look at that I think this is an excellent question you know there's so many varying opinions about it and about doing what works for your family I'll start by saying that finances is one of the most common reasons for divorce right here in America and there is such thing as financial fidelity and I think that the more transparency the more you can avoid issues when it comes to finances in your relationship so we a hundred percent advocate advocate for having a joint account as a couple when you are married now now you know some may argue like it works better for me to just continue paying what I paid whatever the case may be but I think when you have like something that we do is finance meetings every week when you have my transparence and you talk about it it prevents you from going off to the side and making financial decisions that can be very impactful to your family without the knowledge of your spouse maybe unawares yeah it's so easy to be tempted to do that because you know you're just doing your own thing in your account and there's no access so we advocate for joint accounts we advocate for putting all the money in the in the pot and talking about it and figuring out how to go now part of the question was you know minor purchases one of the ways that we avoid you know cuz some people can be nitpicky like if you're a saver and a spender whatever your personality is when it comes to money some people can be nitpicky about what you spend money on what we do to avoid that is number one have a budget right so if you know I swipe at a target yeah I'm happy to target vas-y parts Hargett privilege to say seventy-five dollars huh this is that spot yeah for seventy-five dollars in Brandon sees that you know he's not gonna run up on me in acts about that because we have a budget there's no need to have like conversation or discussion because it likely came out of one of the areas in our budget however if he goes to Lowe's and there's like a 500 dollar purchase and we're not sponsor and we didn't talk about that then it's like okay you know babe what's going on you know what's happening here and then he can share then we move on you know I think sometimes people would want to avoid it because it feels like someone might be controlling you or that you know it's a sometimes difficult conversation to have like our conversations about money isn't always pretty but I think it just keeps you accountable it keeps you in check that you're not over here making decisions that can negatively impact you know your family and so we have a cake for 100% right yes 100% joint account all the way the Bible says that you know in the beginning Adam and Eve were naked unashamed so they had nothing to hide there was all full transparency there and that relationship and we believe especially when it comes to finances of the two shall indeed become one in the case of you know needing to have you know wanting to have personal expenses let's say you want to plan something special you don't want your you know significant other to to know about it you want to Surprise them and that sort of thing then you can either take out the cash that you all agree upon as like your you know your budget for those expenses or you can even set up your own you know personal account that from the joint account you'll then be able to send your personal money that you get to use needed to you know spend however you two have greed upon beforehand but yeah it all starts of course at that joint that joint account next question so this question is how do you handle finances when there's only one person working is the income to be shared now my response to this question actually kind of flows very naturally from what we were just sharing just that you know in marriage the two shall indeed become one so yes I mean the income is all the income that comes into that household we believe is to be you know responsibly steward it by those responsively stewarded by those two individuals at the head of the home the father or the husband and also the wife the mother yes but yes and the wife all right so whatever comes into the home we believe should be collectively steward at between but as a family yeah and we're not talking about situations where I know sometimes there are families or couples where you know someone's being irresponsible they're spending all your money on and then there's not enough bills or whatever in those unique circumstances you know that there's different counsel that applies but we're talking about generally in a normal home you know where both are responsibly managing their money we recommend we say that all the income equally belongs to both of us and be sure obviously you all know now that I'm home working so gin applies a mint our next question is how do you stay on the same page with finances and marriage so I lose it to this earlier but in our marriage we have regular finance meetings we try to have them every week sometimes we aren't able to but we have regular finance meetings where we go through our budget we go through you know our accounts we go through whatever it is we need to make an agenda of you know things that we need to talk about things that are coming up and we dedicate that time to really go into our finances to make sure we are on the same page so that's what we do to handle our finance yeah and it really comes down to planning together as a couple you know the bible encourages us to sit down and to count the costs right to ensure that you will have adequate you know finances you know in the context of marriage and finances to ensure that you have adequate finances for your future plans and then to surrender those plans to the will of the Lord so work together and you know husband and wife as a team you're on the same team and and see how it will lead and you know your financial plans for the future so to summarize the key that we would say is definitely transits transparency being transparent really communicating about your finances being clear on what your goals are and working through any difficult conversations that might come up because it's not always easy especially if you have different personalities when it comes to money right um we'd also advocate and say that you know there's debt that that debt is now selectively owned and I think working together gets you so makes you progress on your goals so much faster when you're both on the same page and you're both you know working together on it so we definitely advocate for that but yes we definitely recommend that for finances in marriage we'd also say that no matter what your income is it's important to live within or below your means so not overspending that adding on extra expenses for things that are just not helping you live day to day and this goes back to those principles that we talked about in bar one and then above all pray together about your finances and managing your finances together don't make any big financial decisions without really spending time in prayer for it right are there any resources that we can direct people to yes yes so there are a couple different finance gurus out there now we don't mind it because we did all right obviously the Bible the Bible has a lot to say on finding these proverbs yeah if you take the time to study you will see those principles we definitely recommend Dave Ramsey and all the resources under his team we personally learned a lot from him and from listening to his calls and all those things that we recommend Dave Ramsey also saving the crumbs oh yeah which is Alliser who long and his wife named a wonderful ministry saving the cars calm if you look it up so much great wisdom in our counsel biblical finances and how to approach that self yeah and then I also check out from time to time the budget nice that I know she's another one out there who talks a lot about these topics so um yeah anyone else Chris crown Financial University I think it might be but I think it's Larry Burkett's you know ministry that he has and that's also but I was like the think he was one of the first ones that really launched into you know biblical finance and how to approach finance so please look up him as well alright if there's anybody left that you want to share definitely drop a comment below so we can learn some more I'm sure there are more out there amen we will see you tomorrow make sure you mark your calendars be there live Q&A on common sense for your relationships questions that may come up we want to be here on July 17th at 8 p.m. Eastern Time all right thank you do all that good stuff all right you

Channel: Worth The Wait

Views: 1,565

Rating: 5 out of 5

Keywords: finances in a relationship, christian finances, finances in marriage, wedding finances, premarital counseling, courtship, marriage, christian, god, bible, budget, savings, dave ramsey, relationship, money, engagement

Id: HZt3YOre220

Length: 22min 43sec (1363 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 16 2019