Coming Home: Cultivating a Sense of Belonging | Asyraf Zulkipli | TEDxUniversitiBruneiDarussalam

foreign I remember going through a very turbulent time in my life during my University I remember I had just lost a very significant pillar of my support system which was a group of people that I spent the first two years of my University with and because of that I was lost I was lonely it felt like nothing was going right for me at the time and the thoughts going on in my head telling me that I wasn't worthy enough that perhaps I wasn't meant anything they were still there now for the longest time I've always held myself to a low standard constantly thinking that my life will never amount to anything meaningful that I'll never make it in hindsight it has a lot to do with my experiences growing up you see I was often bullied I was made fun of by the older kids at my old school and not just them but my classmates as well and for the longest time I've always thought to myself why me I just want it to be normal just wanted to be accepted just like anybody else to be treated with compassion and kindness I think a child deserves that don't you think and it's not just me either my story isn't isolated according to the UNESCO Institute for statistics roughly one-third of young teens around the world fall victim under bullying and its disastrous consequences one-third of young teens around the world who simply needed to be acknowledged to know that they are enough that they are 100 loved yet these kinds of experiences only serve to devalue their worth leading them to believe that perhaps this is it that life consists of a series of suffering without the possibility for reprieve and because of that according to a study by Yale University bully victims are two to nine times more likely to consider the possibility of suicide compared to non-victums it's important to recognize that problems regarding self-worth isn't limited to bullying either often enough the world around us can seem so enthusiastic in letting us know that we are unworthy whether they are the Lost of a loved one divorce physical sexual or even verbal trauma unemployment loneliness the list goes on and on never ending in their quest to let us know that we are unworthy that we are a piece of trash and these incidents they actively prevent us from achieving a place of belonging from achieving a place of acceptance and kindness what they do to our psyches tell us that we don't have a place in the world that perhaps we don't belong now I wanted to go back to the story of when I had lost that group of friends back in 2021 the remainder of my days were filled with any and all attempts to escape from the world to distance myself to distance myself from my thoughts unscrupulous as they were regarding my low self-worth and amidst the sadness amidst the chaos of all the crying and emotional singing in my room I stumbled upon a quote and it goes something like this a home wasn't a set house or a town on a map home was wherever the people who loved you were whenever you were with them not a place but a moment and then another moment each building on each other like bricks to create a shelter for you and your entire life wherever you may go words by Sarah dassin in her book what happened to goodbye now that word the word home it sparked a profound realization Within Myself and the imagery that pops up in my mind as I recall that word some of them included the heartwarming and vibrant laughter and smiles of my family and friends the word also reminded me of the many times I frequented the coffee shops and I remember sitting down and enjoying the Ambiance the jazz piano playing in the background and the raindrops settling against the window pane as I sat alone thinking to myself that this is what a home feels like and in those moments in those small miraculous moments that we often take for granted are the moments that I felt most accepted the moments where I was being kind to myself because I was allowing myself to smile instead of thinking about my flaws and or insecurities that's a place where I can belong where you can belong and it's never far Out Of Reach you can begin right here right now as you recall the many moments in your life that give you meaning and I'll be sharing with you just a few things that I've learned that has helped me in finding my own home now for those of us who grew up thinking and not having a home for ourselves where we don't have a place to belong know that the first undeniable step is for you to realize and internalize in the notion that you do indeed deserve to have a home that you deserve to have a place where you can belong just like anybody else regardless of who you are or whatever may have transpired in your past how wonderful a feeling and experience it is to have second chances even when we haven't even done anything wrong simply for the unfortunate circumstances in our life now a significant part of this is self-acceptance a home is fundamentally a place of belonging and thus we need to accept ourselves as unconditional human beings deserving of love in fact a study conducted by Cameron and Granger entitled self-esteem and belongingness reported that there is a strong inextricable link between self-worth and our sense of belonging if therefore follows that the more we establish and build our self-worth on the basis that we are unconditional human beings deserving of love the more likely we are to find our sense of belonging in the world it's not impossible I grew up thinking that I will never make it or that I will never amount to anything but it's not right for you to think those things now once you have fully accepted yourself however long a journey that may be the world around you opens up in its beauty and meaning like you've never seen before one thing that I like to do is to list down every single event experience moment or memory that gives me meaning and I list them down on Google Docs or any other preference you may need and on those dark days where it feels like nothing is going right or that no one is there for you refer back to this list you'll be surprised at how simple it is reading a few things can make you feel and how better it can make you feel about yourself we tend to be so hard on ourselves in the 21st century life so many things and factors can interrupt our way of thinking but it doesn't have to be that way now once you have accepted yourself and you have given yourself permission to have a place of belonging then your life will turn out for the better the notion that whoever you are and whatever may have happened in your past and that you are still able to appreciate the small things in life and internalize such things as acceptance compassion kindness and a sense of Safety and Security that's when you know that you'll have a home and you know when you'll have a home for yourself when the next time you go to spend time by yourself you'll be deriving Joy from the small things around you instead of focusing on the loneliness or the sadness of your being in 2015 the un's sustainable development goals officially recognized mental health as a priority for Global development for the next 15 years and on this auspicious Journey towards a better emotional well-being for everyone let us make sure to do our part in establishing a home not only for ourselves but for the people around us and for the community at Large before I end my talk I would like to leave you with three things that I hope you'll keep in mind after this talk three things that you can write down you can remind yourself on a daily basis whatever it may be one I am my own person two I am worthy and three I belong to myself thank you [Applause]

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 729

Keywords: English, Life, Mental health, Self, TEDxTalks, Value, [TEDxEID:48361]

Id: BsyTF2SmURY

Length: 12min 19sec (739 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 27 2023