Comforting Those Who Have Lost Loved Ones (With Greg Laurie)

thank you so much hearing Tim read my resume it doesn't even touch the resume of secretary Pompeyo I mean who who can beat that resume what an amazing wasn't that fantastic hearing from our Secretary of State Wow well I heard a story about a man who was feeling very ill and he didn't know what was wrong with him so he went to the doctor for a checkup and after a series of tests the doctor called the man's wife into his office and said I need to talk to you about your husband the doctor said your husband is very sick and it's stress-related he lives in deep anxiety and so if you want your husband to live here's what you need to do you need to provide a stress-free environment for the next six months by that I mean don't give him any chores to do don't give him any responsibilities whatever he loves to eat make him his favorite meal for breakfast lunch and dinner smother him with affection tell him how wonderful he is if you do this for six months to a year your husband will make a full recovery the lady said thank you very much doctor I appreciate that and so I the man and the wife we're driving back home in the car and the husband said to the wife what did the doctor say she said you're gonna die yeah these are the jokes people so you know we're living in a culture right now that is full of anxiety and stress and so many more things in fact this generation that is coming up right now the Millennials and generations here the most stress generation ever they've been dubbed the hopeless generation and the loneliest generation with the highest suicide rate in history and I think one thing that probably contributes to this problem is I have one in my pocket you probably have one too it's called a foam there's no question these phones contribute to a lot of the stress and agitation because we get so much information in real time these days and it just makes life harder and so as I look at the Millennials and Generation Z I have a word of advice I think it would fix everything and here it is summed up in a single sentence stop eating avocado toast no seriously just stop it's it's it costs too much and it's not that good right and especially don't eat avocado toast with kale on it how did kale where does it deal with kale when it kale become so popular nuts kale on everything you know they're making cars out of kale now a Prius is of course right it would be a pre somehow but the suicide rate out of control and our country and little did I realize that that was gonna happen on my doorstep I don't know if you know about what just recently happened in our church but we were just brought face to face with an unthinkable tragedy when one of our associate pastors Jared Wilson took his own life this is about a month ago and he had only been with us for about 18 months he was full of energy enthusiasm encouragement he had a beautiful wife Julie two sons Finch and denom everybody loved Jarrid and he would get up and host various services and and we knew that he had struggles that went back to his youth he had an injury playing soccer when he was a young man and and we knew that he had struggled with deep depression he was actually a medication at the time and part of his testimony was that he had contemplated suicide but came to faith in Christ and so now he had a heart to help others who were having suicidal thoughts and dealing with depression and then the unthinkable happened he took his own life now some who don't understand these things like all y'all do I would say well why doesn't he just snap out of it and that's such a ridiculous statement what we wouldn't say that to a person that was having heart issues why don't you just snap out of it we wouldn't say that to someone that has cancer why don't you just snap out of it we know they need treatment it's a medical issue and in the same way as you all know you can have mental issues as well mental illness and clearly he struggled with that he was not in this right mind when he made that decision suicide obviously is never the right choice but was his mistake spiritually a fatal one I would say no in other words I believe despite the fact that this was a tragic way for him to leave us I believe he went into the presence of the Lord now some don't want a pastor to say something like that because they think in fact did encourages suicide know what I'm trying to do is just explain that the blood of Jesus Christ covers every sin that we commit it's because he believed the promise of John 3:16 for God so loved the world he gave His only begotten Son and whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life listen one dark moment in a Christians life cannot undo what Christ did for us on the cross [Applause] Paul wrote in Romans 8:38 I'm convinced it nothing can separate us from love of the love of God neither hide their depth nor things present nor things to come nor any other creature will separate us from God's love when you stand before God you will not be judged by the last thing you did before you died but by the last thing Jesus did before he died so if a believer does something foolish sinful or mistakenly that ends their life it can't cause them to lose what they never earned in the first place so Jerrod's story wasn't just national it was international I was approached by major news outlets everyone you can think of wanted to interview me but I did not feel like I was in the state of mind to talk about this with some reporter because for me it was like a death in our family it was someone that we cared about and someone that we loved it felt my job was to walk our church through this because we were all traumatized by it and it impacted us deeply and a lot of conversations about depression and suicidal thoughts have opened up and you know we want our church and I think every church should be a loving place for lonely people I think the church needs to be a safe place for sad people we don't have to be perfect when we come to church that sure is not a museum for Saints the church is a hospital for sinners a place for people to find help and I have to give special word of acknowledgement to my friend came Warren the wife of Rick Warren as you know her both of them lost their beloved son Matthew to suicide some years ago in fact I preached at Rick's church the Sunday after it happened and Kay was so uniquely qualified to come into the middle of our pain and help us have a perspective on this critical issue I've tried to walk a fine line with all of this offering compassion to Jared and comfort to our church and here's what I found very interesting folks in some ways all of these articles that were in in everywhere they were online newspapers in England Australia almost every one that I read People magazine I found that secular media seem to have a better understanding on mental health issues than some people in the church seem to have now let me explain that in almost every article that was written they had a compassionate tone to it and they even would have a suicide hotline number for people to contact and almost every article took this quote from me I made a statement after it happened and my quote was sometimes people think as pastors as spiritual leaders were somehow above the pain and struggles of everyday people that were the ones who are supposed to help supposed to have all the answers but we do not at the end of the day pastors are just people who need to reach out to God for his help and strength each and every day and they seem to get this but there are some people in the church that are angry at me because I'm not saying oh he's in Hell right now or something along those lines and and I just thought what is going on we need to wake up in the church to the very real struggles that people are having [Applause] and we need we need to work together all of us because we all have a part to play in helping people deal with these issues and I'm very familiar with grief because 11 years ago our son was killed in an automobile accident and the title of my message is how to comfort those who have lost loved ones and to see it changed my life as the understatement of the century I've been a pastor for over 40 years I've done a lot of sue a lot of services for a family set of lost loved ones especially children but all of a sudden I was the person in the Pew I was the father who lost the son when I heard the news I felt like I could literally die on the spot it's like all the air was sucked out of the room time Stood Still and I couldn't believe this was actually happening to me and in some ways I felt like my life was over not seeing I had suicidal thoughts but I felt as though my life was over near sink Gregg excuse me you're a pastor you're not supposed to think those thoughts I was a pastor I am a pastor but at the end of the day I was a father who lost my son and to lose a child as one of the worst nightmares imaginable trust me to pick out a casket for your child is something you never plan on doing to lose a child is so hard they don't even have a word for it if you lose your wife you're a widower if you lose your husband you're a widow if you lose your parents you're an orphan if you lose a child what are you heartbroken there's no word for it it's so horrific and I have to say and I know as counselors you deal with this you deal with people who are grieving you deal with people who are depressed you deal with people who are hurting and I want to just say that if you're ever talking to someone who has lost a loved one especially a child just a few tips that I've learned from experience of things not to say and then I want to share a few things that you ought to say because I've heard everything that should not be said to a person said to me like after my son died well God picks his best flowers first seriously did you find that on a Hallmark card somewhere my child was not a flower and that's just lame here's another one well the Lord must have needed another angel in the heaven well people don't become angels and so that's not even right theologically someone said to a friend of mine who lost a child I'm not making this up they said I know what you're going through my dog just died this is these are the kinds of things that people say and some many people said to me well if just one person comes to Christ it's all worth it I beg to differ I'm an evangelist I preached the gospel to people but God did not need my son to die for someone to come to Christ he already sent his son to do that job quite well I know people are basically well-meaning but they don't know what to say it and what many said is we'll just rejoice he's in heaven well I am rejoicing he's in heaven but I'm sad because he's not here with me on earth right now a Julie Wilson the wife of Jared I was talking to her the other day and she said it was so hard when she went on in public you know many would offer words of encouragement tell her she was they were praying for her and the boys and she appreciated that but but many people asked her and you never asked us if someone who's lost someone through suicide never asked us how did they do it what do people want to know that how did they do it why would you ask that did you see any signs it was coming she said many of us oh yeah I saw the signs all day long and I'm completely irresponsible no of course she didn't see those signs but then more than one person actually said to her well we're praying for you but you know your husband's in hell yeah so that you hello thank you Christians I think we need to come up with something called smack therapy for these people I mean it's I probably regret saying that trust me it wasn't in my notes um so secretary Pompeo brought up a really good point he quoted a passage of everyman be quick to listen and slow to speak I think learning to be a good listener really is helpful as we're told in proverbs 25:11 a word fitly spoken is like an Apple of gold in a frame of silver I think we want to relate to people so we'll say I know what you're going through if they lost a child I know what you're going through unless you've lost a child you don't know what they're going through and to the point even when I have counseled parents and I've counseled many who have lost children I don't even say I know what you're going through because I don't know their particular pain their pain may be different than my pain and so I listen a lot more I joined the club I never wanted to be in but I'll tell you when there's folks who've lost children we all seem to find each other and we encourage one another and someone came up to me a month after it happened and they said well are you back to normal yet you know people just don't know because really when you lose a child there is no normal it's a new normal one person the last three members of their family in a tragic car crash wrote these words quote we recover from broken limbs not amputations catastrophic lost by definition precludes recovery it will transform or destroy us but it will never leave us the same there's no going back to the past which has gone forever only coining head to the future which is yet to be discovered end quote well said well I bring this up because I think it's a pastor especially a younger one I was far too quick with the answers I wouldn't say that I've changed what I say to people who are facing tragedy but I think what I've done is I've changed the way I say it I've changed how much I say in the introduction it was mentioned that I've been doing this quite a long time I started preaching at 19 I became a pastor at 20 I had long hair past my shoulders and a beard I look like one of the duck dynasty guys okay but you should amend me when I was 21 because I was an awesome pastor and you know why I had the answer to every question or so I thought but I've learned a few things since then and so I think when we're dealing with people who have lost a loved one or we're dealing with someone who's just facing the tragedy we get to the why question why why did this happen I don't think it's wrong to ask God why something happened you can ask all that you want something they'll give you an answer but you can ask and honestly even if God were to answer us and just say all right I'm going to tell you why I allowed this to happen I seriously doubt we would be satisfied with the explanation but even Jesus when he hung on the cross said to the father my God my God why have you forsaken me so you can ask why job did that he asked the Lord why many times God never gave him an answer but what the Lord kid give him is a greater revelation of himself and job's counselors did their best work when they kept their mouths shut it's when they started talking that the trouble began I'm not suggesting you should not speak to people because indeed you should but you need to listen and listen a lot you know people have asked me I was asked in an interview a while ago when did you feel God's presence more powerfully than any other time not to think about that I thought wow was it maybe preaching at one of our Crusades in front of a lot of people and having a lot of folks come forward no that wasn't it was it a worship service and then I thought you know the moment I felt God's presence more than any other time in my life was right after I heard the news that my son had died because the Lord was with me and you need to know that God will enter into the pain of the folks that are going through things like this so what I try to stir them away from is the why say we don't know why I'm not gonna try to explain why so let's go to another issue who who do we turn to we turn to the Lord at a time like this and something I often say to folks who are struggling with the white question is I say don't trade what you know for what you don't know don't trade what you know for what you don't know you don't know why this happened you don't know why you're in this situation but here's what you do know you know God loves you you know God has a plan for you you know God is in control of your life and if your loved one is a believer you know that they're in heaven and you know that you will see them again and the second thing I remind them of is that loved one that has left you is not only a part of your past they're also a part of your future it's important because we need hope the Bible says weep with those the weep and rejoice with those that rejoice and the one thing I really encourage people to do who've lost loved ones is to cry you know I've talked to Christians before and they're saying well they're you know they're with the Lord and I'm just praising the Lord it's like well that's nice you're praising the Lord but you need to shed some tears because if you don't mourn properly you're not going to heal properly and the Bible says there's at time as they said to rejoice and that time to mourn and Jesus said blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted but here's the thing you don't just cry but you cry out to God you remember the story of Lazarus who is the brother of Mary and Martha there were friends of Jesus they lived in Bethany which is striking distance from Jerusalem so the Lord would often show up at their house unannounced Jesus and twelve of his buddies Martha would whip up a sumptuous feast so they genuinely were friends of Jesus so one day their brother was sick and they sent word to Jesus hey your friend Lazarus that you love he said thinking Jesus would say the word and their brother would be healed or Christ might rush back and lay his hand but Jesus not only did not heal Lazarus but by the time he arrived he had missed the funeral Lazarus was gone he was dead and he was greeted by Martha who said Lord if you would have been here my brother would not have died she said said your brother will live again Martha says I know you and the resurrection of the last day Jesus said Martha I am the resurrection and the life he that believes in me though he were dead yet shall he live and his whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die but here's my point Mary and Martha complained but they complained to Jesus they cried but they cried out to Jesus going back to what the Lord said on the cross my God my God why have you forsaken me that was not a crisis of faith on the part of Jesus as some have suggested that was just the son calling out to the father as he was burying the sin of the world but again it was my God and we need to encourage people to cry out you know in the Psalms we have Psalms of lamentation sums were effectively the psalmist we'll just kind of complain about things and how hard things are you know I don't know what our modern version of songs of lamentation might be maybe some maybe someones singing the blues or maybe country music come on right I mean we are in Nashville and the home of country music the home of the Grand Ole Opry and I just watched a special I don't know if you saw it on PBS directed by Ken Burns on the history of country music very interesting and they tell the story of all these folks and I just wrote a book as a matter of fact about Johnny Cash and his spiritual journey and how he came to faith it's called Johnny Cash the redemption of an American icon he certainly was probably the most significant person in all of country music at least I think so but I was thinking of some songs and our country songs that her songs of lament and these are real songs these are not fake these are real here's some titles she got the gold mine and I got this shot that's that's a song of lament how about this one you stuck my heart in an old tin can and shut it off a log yeah here's one of my favorites how come your God don't bite nobody but me how about this you done tore out my heart and stomp the sucker flat and my favorite country song of lamentation you're the reason our kids are so ugly wow that's scary [Applause] here's a biblical psalm or song of lamentation some 44:23 the summit says wake up O Lord why do you sleep get up don't reject us forever don't look the other way rise up and help us Lord so he's crying out to the Lord and that's what I encourage people to do cry out to the Lord cast it on the Lord turn to him James 5:13 says there any of you suffering hardships you should pray or any of you happy you should sing praises you know sometimes honestly I preach to myself I'll go into a black hole this happened a lot right after my son died that I would have something that would trigger a memory and I would become deeply depressed and I would say to myself I'll never see him again and then I started preaching him myself I said Greg you idiot listen to me now I can call myself an idiot it's okay I said you will see your son again because Jesus did say he's the resurrection and the life and whoever believes in Him shall never die I preach to myself and I'm telling you what it lifted me up listening to worship music help because it got a divine perspective you know sometimes our problem seems so big and one of the real problems is not that our problems are big but our God is too small if we have a big God we have relatively small problems if we have big problems do we have a small God now I'm not minimizing anyone's problems because I talked to people dealing with the worst news imaginable I've touched on some of it but the point is is when I worship when I hear the word of God I get a divine perspective on what I'm facing because you know in grief you can get turned upside down grief is a lot like wiping out on a way how many of you have ever been to the ocean raise your hand you've been to the ocean okay how many have you ever been out in this surf and got thrown over a wave is that happen to you how many of you have never seen the ocean before because you live here in Nashville no I'm just kidding okay well alright so when your I've been around the water my whole life was raised in Southern California surfing since I was pretty young but it's called going over the falls so maybe you're out surfing you've got your board or your boogie board and it's attached to your ankle by a leash right so when you go over the fall sometimes people have drowned because they don't know which way is up and instead of going up to the surface they go down and then they end up taking in water in their lungs so one thing to remember is when you go over the falls you grab your leash pull on it and go in the direction that the leash takes you and it will get you to your buoyant object your surfboard your boogie board and you can get a Gulf of beer that's what grief is like I get turned upside down I lose perspective so I grabbed the leash what is the leash the leash is the word of god and it pulls me to the surface maybe only for a moment and I kind of get a heavenly perspective God's in control he's not going to abandon me he'll work all things together for good then I could down under the waves again I come up for another gulp of air but I found how important it is to be turning to the Lord over and over again so what do you say to someone who has lost a loved one my friend Steven Curtis Chapman many of you may know that he had his daughter that he adopted actually killed in a tragic accident and when he had friends coming to him he said the best thing anyone said to him was there are just no words you know you don't always have to have all the answers I think sometimes people just want someone to listen to them to know that someone cares and what I found was after our son died I had certain people I could trust and I could vent in front of them and I could complain a little bit and and I could just kind of work these things out that I was struggling with and it helped me a great deal I think sometimes when we know someone's lost a loved one we don't want to bring it up because we're afraid it will make them uncomfortable or maybe they'll start crying why would you think that's the worst thing that could happen the reality is they're probably already thinking about the loved one and the worst thing than saying the wrong thing is saying nothing because when you've lost a loved one especially a child the thing you care about is you don't want them to be forgotten so don't go over the specifics of how the person died my son died in an automobile accident it tied up traffic on the freeway for hours and for some reason people thought it would be helpful to come up to me and tell me about what it was like for them when they drove by the crash site well that was not helpful for me and I had to tell them please stop I don't need to hear any more of this so they thought that was the thing to talk about no don't talk about how it happened but bring up a memory that you have of that person I remember one time this happened a happy memory that's the thing they don't want that person to be forgotten and we should never be ashamed to cry you know you girls you have this far more wire than guys do you know and by the way I know you ladies know this but it is your secret weapon okay just know that when you wanted we may have the best argument in town and we're having a little disagreement and if you turn on the tears you just want it's over with you win we lose but girls are ready armed or able in general to express their emotions and men are we have the same oceans we care - we just suppress them so you know you're seeing a sad scene on the screen at a movie you're out with your husband and maybe you're crying and he's sniffing you're going are you crying he says no it's allergies you know we fight it so - any man that thinks it's not masculine to cry I have a two-word response jesus wept jesus wept and Jesus was the most manly man who ever lived oh my people need someone to listen people need someone to care you know it's been said if you preach to hurting people you'll never lack for an audience all around us as you know well are hurting people looking for someone to care about them let's be quick to listen and slow to speak let's be quick to pray and do everything that we can to point them to Jesus Christ he alone can bring what they need I think God for all of you taking the time to be at this conference and caring so much for others that you've committed your life to this and I pray that the Lord will bless you and continue to use you to literally save lives let's pray father thank you for this time together thank you for everyone in this room I pray you will bless and use them and she'll give them great wisdom I don't know what to say and when to say it even how to say it and that you'll use us Lord to bring healing to people who are in such pain so Lord we commit ourselves to you afresh we're surrounded by a young generation right now that's coming up that has such great needs so much anxiety so much fear help us Lord to be a radiant light to them and call them to you we ask all of this now in Jesus name Amen thanks very much god bless you guys [Music]

Channel: Pastor Greg Laurie

Views: 31,237

Rating: 4.8505154 out of 5

Keywords: harvest, greg, laurie, Harvest Christian Fellowship, Greg Laurie Sermons, greg laurie, pastor greg laurie, jesus christ, dealing with suicide loss, bible study with me, 12 suggestions for dealing with grief and loss, bible study for women

Id: a_D5wKBfT8o

Length: 32min 6sec (1926 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 17 2019