Christmas VS. Hanukkah w/ Lil Dicky | Ep 96 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots you're jewish yeah you're irish you two are disgusting oh you two or something we're bad friends and today we have the one and only the unique the lovely the special the talented my sweet prince dave bird is bird jewish uh b-y-r-d b-u-r-d you don't even know how to spell my last name how do i care yeah i work together my recollection maybe i'm just making this up is that it's actually rooted in burdowski burdowski but i could that could be a total fit but you know the skis back home in chicago ski means um usually skis are like polish oh wow i've got some something in i got some sort of i don't know because you could be you could be gary and polish jewish yeah because skis up like upskis any skis is all usually usually polish uh dave i want you to meet uh a very good friend a great comment has the friendliest face i've ever seen this is black magic oh here this is doc willis aka a little black magic hey man hey nice to meet you love your face he likes you he was saying before the show he's too shy now but he was saying how much he likes you but you could tell him now that you like him you're a good dude instantaneously machete what's that what hebrews you don't know who hey michelle is the uh former general in the uh 30-year space chief of israel he he's the one who said that what is this dude he does this kind of he's from israel right he's the one who said there was a galactic federation uh in that the united states oh yeah yeah how do you spell his name i want to look him up how do you spell that h-a-i-m h-a-i-m-e-s-h-e-d you know the prime m former well benjamin netanyahu shout out to netanyahu went to my high school wait seriously he's like from philly is he yeah where he went to high school click on news yes netanyahu went was tottenham high school now yeah you know we don't want to shout him out but okay this is this is hayima shad this is him now click on news and what was his deal he was the one who said that the united states was in contact with uh with aliens and that there was a galactic federation and that trump knew about it well he's right are we saying he's wrong it sounds like he's right well he's the duke former israeli space security chief says uh extraterrestrials exist and trump knows about it yeah i don't understand i believe all this do you i believe every single second let's get it aliens are out there we've seen the aliens i feel as though it there must be there are how could but i honestly don't feel like if there was they would tell trump that's the thing i guess they'd have to like but i think they he couldn't know that and not tell everyone because because you see egomaniac i found him first i found the aliens they were [ __ ] each other you know what's so funny though it i think all the richest people in the world do have contact with the aliens i believe that like an illuminati type of 100 of course i believe that i think once you reach the multi-billionaire status you get granted access to that stuff because otherwise why you're in that why earn all that money look you have a lot of money you're rich let's let's just say that you're rich it's true okay all right so you're rich but you're not well i don't know the aliens now yeah no you're not like them no but you know right now you're comfortable financially what you have yeah it's great money yeah you make a great living you have a great year off you can take a few years off yeah okay you can't no no no you can't even take a week off yeah day off a day often i'm [ __ ] [ __ ] forever what's the incentive to earn more money than that you have plenty of money what do you do you want do you want more money money doesn't really drive me i know um so what would drive you now yeah that would drive me someone said if you've got a billion you'll meet the alien let me ask you this yeah right now someone comes to you and they say if you want to find out everything there is to know about everything i will take you on a month one month tour of aliens past future the whole any like question you have will be totally answered in a month and then you have one day back on earth to you know log the information and you die would you take that deal what do you say doc that's a deep cut that's really hard you died so one day you would just give me i'll give you a week back on earth then yes a week but no one's gonna believe a word you say i know but it's so fun but for one week you get to push around this narrative to everyone you know and write everything down yeah and just be like listen you can believe me or not i'm going to be dead on saturday yeah so if you prophesize your death then they might believe i'll just think that you were a kook and you committed suicide because some cold probably how do i die how do i die after the week uh spontaneous combustion grand canyon what am i doing in arizona you're off the grand canyon i just wake up and i'm sitting on the edge of grand canyon and you're hurled and who pushes me illuminati no footage no one knows it uh i think you jump between i'm forced to jump yeah i love it yeah when i was younger i used to go to i mean i went one time and i was like 10. and i was so confident imagine the stress on my parents i used to say to them i'm telling you i can i can jump and and brace this fall in the grand canyon so the whole trip i was threatening jumping and i really believed that i i could survive it which is to this day no let's go i don't want to do it all right wait you really as a child thought you could jump and yeah why dave why did you think that i think itself i used to think that that's too much i used to think that too like if you jump from a long distance maybe before your knees hit you like collapse and roll over so yeah like that like i don't know bad logic guys like six thousand feet yeah that's exactly a thousand feet i'm feeling you though yeah i'm with the gym i understand what you guys are saying when an elevator like i have that thought in elevators all the time like look i was in philly i was in philly uh and in the hotel it was so old downtown yeah and you can feel that when it stops it kind of jiggles a little bit i don't like that so i thought if i thought that one night i was coming down and i thought if this broke all you have to do is wait till it's close to the bottom and then jump the last step right before the the thing that smashes your head and then you and then you're paralyzed but at least you're alive yeah so i'm bro my neck is shattered this guy knows what i'm talking about [Laughter] that's so mean stephen hawking doing comedy though he would just he wouldn't absolutely murder yeah you could get away with anything with a computer you can say because because he didn't mean it he can say it and didn't mean it oops yeah my b my b my b look at this [Laughter] a computer says all that how are you to blame yeah all right let's go over some stuff right now because doc wants to learn happy hanukkah we're late we know we're late yeah but we're anti um we're anti christmas this year we did christmas last year the christmas the christians can take can take a hike it's way too much and it's the week of christmas which is when we're putting this out so you know what good hanukkah twice that's what we're doing this year you're happy this double up hanukkah yeah because hanukkah twice we want because here's the problem with hanukkah this has always been my issue it's not enough nights not enough dead serious that's literally what i was gonna say really why eight uh well as the story has it if i recall that that's how long like the oil and the could have they could have strapped it out i think they scratched the whole premise of hanukkah is that they scratched it out for it it's like a miraculous thing that they even made at eight nights all right so let's make it more nights so they just party for eight days straight i think it was a part i think it's more survival in this day and age we they celebrate for eight days okay but back then it was to stay alive oh i didn't know what to do we got eight little eight little knick-knack gifts there's one how many are in front of you i mean one two three four five six seven eight yeah they know what they're doing here why don't you open one of them why don't you open them these are for me yeah every time you open one i have to light a candle though of course so go ahead and open one those are for you i'm excited yeah i haven't gotten any gifts this season are you serious yeah my parents just gave me a check for hanukkah yeah really that's pretty real jewish every year just a check no not even it's gotten lower now they just like uh like re-update my nba league pass every year that's huge what do you mean that's huge that's dope yeah do you even know you maybe no i can't even i don't like 500 it's like 500 bucks no it's like 150. oh really i think it was expensive well uh what is it what am i thinking about sunday ticket is mortgage i ain't even got a cable sunday ticket's like 400 bucks you don't have cable time i don't have cable i'm like looks like they might be a mug [ __ ] what is it oh oh a brain mug beauty it's your own merch we're giving you your own merch buy it too so i'm making money off of this gift you're making money off the gift that's we bought it that's the best type of jewish thank you you did the video yeah yeah and tony tony directed yeah tony who directed many episodes on our show yeah uh dave which uh bobby mocks constantly and calls it davey because he's jealous that this is well he's on sex in the city so yeah what made you get into rapping uh you know i i this guy entertainment tonight questions drake is half george jim jones yeah he's jewish beastie boys are jewish no i thought they were just regular old like trailer park dudes getting it trailer park dude hold on bro that's trailer park right there hey yeah what what trailer park do you know and exists in the city of new york where are the trailer parks he's thinking eight mile eminem oh you're thinking about white rappers you know beastie boys in in trailer parks in brooklyn have you seen have you been to brooklyn he thinks they're from like middle america no not really i've been there to the like the little clubs out there but i haven't been in brooklyn brooklyn you know what i'm saying shout out to jay-z yeah no don't shout out all right well you know what i'm sure the beastie boys are from new york city where did you think they were from i thought they were from like a little bit like iowa a little bit yeah something like that yeah maybe they put off an island no he's doing this to help you out because this is insane to they didn't want to pass out all right stay up why did i get into rap you know i always wanted to be a comedian my whole life like that was my my dream even as a boy like i always i made people laugh as a kid and i was like this is an irreplaceable feeling how can i do this forever and i i kind of wrapped uh you know for fun and and i wasn't i wasn't necessarily like wow you're a great rapper but i was like you know i was seeing you know lonely island i saw these guys and they were becoming incredibly successful off of comedic rap and i was like there's no one else doing it so i thought what if i used my funny ideas because i didn't know anybody i didn't know how to no one could i give a script to i didn't like know how to make you know film you know it just felt like the most accessible way to do it was on my computer i have garage band i can literally make high quality music from my apartment my room so i started rapping with the intention of being noticed as a comedian and it kind of like just worked like a sport the more i did it the better i got and it's like i've always loved rap you know it was a total dream to be a rapper of mine too but it was like that you know my dreams growing up were like comedian rapper basketball player yeah one of those was never gonna happen i feel like honestly two of them felt like they weren't gonna happen yeah but one of them for sure wasn't gonna yeah it felt like as i was rapping and getting better it felt like as if i like like started playing basketball and got good enough to play in the nba like that's how i right feel every day but then you meet like six eight black dudes and you're like never mind this is insane if they if everybody in the nba looked like him you'd be in good shape i'd be sorry you would be dumb yeah you could post me up and get it yeah yeah hey but i will say uh everybody out there in tel aviv this is the guy you want to look up to all right yeah keep it going everybody out there in television never have i felt he's right i have never felt like bigger as a star as a rapper just as like yeah as like a presence like that's when i walked down the street than i did in israel wow wow and it was bad because you like the [ __ ] and the hummus the hummus is off the chain it's incredible you like hummus hello yeah bro with some [ __ ] uh when you go to the middle east i do say they do have good hummus and townhouses that's how we do it in america get [Music] dude it's it funny to be half cultured oh yeah no i love hum you got to give me them townhouse crackers a half culture is so funny to me all right that's how we get it yeah no i love kebabs i messed with kebab and you just gotta put it in a pita you know put that in a wrap uh hey hey fans what did you ask about the gold this listen how offensive this question is you're gonna love it well because he literally said what he literally walked in here he's by the way he's spanish so we don't trust him at all but he literally walked in as he's setting up the room and he goes to pete the other producer he says why why do they like this gold so much this is what he wants to know why there's the gold and then pete tried to explain to him what this is and it's a game right yeah with the dreidel yeah but but honestly doesn't help the image no the gold thing doesn't really happen i agree i gotta tell you i haven't really thought of a bad idea yeah i mean look it's spread out on the table yeah and pete pete's kid pete's kid is kid isn't jewish goes to a jewish elementary school preschool preschool yeah preschool and i was like well i didn't know you know how did you get him in and he's like well they don't know he's not jewish until they change his diaper right and they see his little uncircumcised snake yeah you're certain though oh i'm overly certain i'm clipped but see but but we did it it was like a normal thing for my generation to do it yeah it wasn't like a jewish or not or a european or not every kid i knew was clipped are you circumcised yeah yeah you gotta be right you gotta have a head i mean i feel i i forget where what where it's at but i recall there being new philosophies on circumcision today where it's like almost there's like some sort of i don't know which way the science is telling you i think what it says we did research this one time on the show i think it says that it's um in today's society it's so easy to clean and have the hygiene levels are so high you don't need to do it anymore because everyone watches so often yeah it used to be you bet you bathed once a month whatever you would get infections all that stuff that's why yeah it became standard what do you what what's your word for the debris in the force magma yeah it's always been schmeichel do you know that isn't that a jewish i think it sounds like myself look up if that'd be cool if like a jewish phrase well that's what i mean think about it they were like why are we clipping it like this it makes sense though like when you got circumcised yeah you didn't have all of your friends and family come over and witness your dick get cut yeah i did oh you did yeah i did well i did it when i was 30. wait so non-jews have i'm kidding we don't know that's insane we do it in the hospital we get it out of the way exactly we do it behind closed doors don't let that fall that's a sin against man i gave you a pin to clip it into your hair i don't see it it's on the it's on it itself i don't want it i know you don't want to mess with you clipped i am clipped dash magma from lat from latin borrowed from ancient greek and it's smigma all right never mind alternative form of smegma soap detergent i wipe i clean what does that say is schmuck a jewish word of course do you screen capture these searches yeah next we come to schmuck which is english rather vulgar definition of a uh contempla for foolish person in other words a jerk yeah literally means penis schmuck means penis i i have not known that yeah i didn't know what it is what's the other word for penis and yiddish there's another one yeah what's the other one i don't think what did you text me before this how bad of a jew you are i'm not a good jail i think i'm a better jew than you are and i'm not even jewish i'm like so out of the loop in terms of what to do and it's okay yeah i feel as though i represent it like pretty reasonably culturally like i have like the spirit of like a good northeast jew you know why the hair just the way you look yeah you couldn't you end like sound and talk like and feel your behavior is very and feel yeah yeah you know you do a lot of jew [ __ ] yeah yeah but it's like i read you yeah you a mile away they go jew don't do that at home you should be i just i just you know all these uh you know i went to hebrew school as a kid i was you know i was in the know i was every week two days a week going to hebrew school uh k.i knesset israel in uh cheltenham pennsylvania oh wow are you from the home oh you're from oh you're real real yeah no no he's from pennsylvania yeah i don't know do you think he's from israel he said he was connected with israel is the name it's the name of the synagogue oh [ __ ] okay all right we should have gone i mean the women were the most beautiful smoke shows and but the men on the other hand i went to a club and i just remember like i've never in my life like did i like you know i have a very like if my life on in theory is very if any life was like entourage-like it'd be like mine and i never really feel that way like normally it's just like a very curmudgeony jewish person's day yeah but there was this one moment where i was walking to my my table in israel where like they walked me into the thing i swear it was like ever directed as if it was like on like it was like a one-take shot where right the right woman passed and like smiled at me and then like everything and then they let doves out they when you sat down yeah you got to go back to israel i know what are you doing here uh well i the one my one complaint about israel is that it's a little too sun beaten is that hot out there it's hot but it's just like drained of color like it's that's my one comment no trees or what's going on i got a couple of complaints i got a couple of points what ready for my complaints about israel yeah look like they've just been like smacked by the sun and they have been but like so it's i'm more of like a san francisco pastel color type of you like you like the jacket in my jacket and everything there's a little monochromatic for me in terms of just like looking around and like enjoying the aesthetic it feels like arizona yeah how things are kind of like uh all taupe yeah whatever yeah yep yeah but that's also historical it is historic so i have a different level of respect for it oldest place in the world right well isn't the oldest epicenter of the world it's there's something there's old actually let's just make it up yeah it's the oldest place in the world went to the western wall with gata whaling wall yeah it's the whaling wall i think they're the same and why do they call it that people cry at it yeah like you yeah people were there and they're just like falling they're having like emotional experience like emotionally data was moved by data still references that moment in this life like very funny to me did you cry at the wall no you don't feel anything oh you broke that tradition no i mean it was cool it was cool i like i wrote a little something and put it in the you know you right yeah you write it right a little bit and put it in the wall can you tell me what you said i couldn't even remember it's probably like keep going brother who's that for for myself i don't even know what's the vegas of israel funniest thing you've ever said i think it's television what's the vegas of israel so many other ways you know what i mean tell her if you've had all the cocaine maybe it's not that good of a story but i basically actually i went to an international peacemaking camp i don't know if you know this about me so when i was like 14 i went to this camp called seeds of peace international camp which is a really interesting amazing organization that takes people from different conflict groups like israel and palestinians and indians and pakistanis and they put all these people under one roof more or less and they co-exist for during a summer and they play sports together but then every you know day there's like a two-hour dialogue session so and there's like 15 americans that are like top of their class that get into the only reason i got them is because my cousin used to run it and so like everyone every other american there was like an ivy league student and i was only there uh because my cousin you have to apply to get in you have to play it's very hard to get wow and so then every day i was sitting in you know these conflict sessions where israelis and palestinians are just like talking like you know 45 like the smartest 14 year olds in each country and they're talking about the issues and like it's hard it's tricky because both sides like they have different histories in terms of what they think who was there first and of course happened yeah and it was just very interesting to witness but there was a guy there who i went to camp with named daniel who there weren't many kids like me at that camp who were like you know athletic like just seemingly like kids that i would be friends with if i went to high school and you were athletic i was athletic yeah i i i always won the award are you questioning his i thought no i'm just saying he just i was very athletic i didn't yeah i didn't see that you never seen this guy play basketball no i never ate man i ain't trying to diss israel shout out better help andrew yes bob i love you i love you and the reason why i can say that is because i went to better help you you used to discover yeah i couldn't discover and find the love for you yeah but now i'm like full of feelings and i like to share things i like to be open honestly me kalila people in the house we've all done better help it's uh you can start communicating with your counselor um in under 48 40 at eight hours yeah but our help will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist it's pretty great start communicating so quickly and it's not a crisis line not self-help it's professional counseling done securely online we've spoken about mental health on this show and how we think it's important for you to try something uh that's a little alternative to the traditional going in a room somewhere in an office at your house committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches so they can make it easy and free to change counselors if needed that's right there's a broad range of expertise available um and the service is available for clients all over the world guys visit their website and read their testimonials testimonials that are posted daily visit betterhelp.com bad friends that's help h-e-l-p better help and join the over one million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional yep this podcast is sponsored by better help and bad friends listeners get ten percent off your first month at betterhelp.com bad friends hello fresh hello fresh hello fresh hello fresh listen dude um we get hello fresh at the home and when i see a box of hellofresh outside my door i get really excited because what i know is it's going to be fresh ingredients it's going to be a meal that i can cook in my home right it's not it's like the perfect amount of food yeah that's what i like yeah when i eat it i don't go oh i'm hungry you know i mean yeah and you already you always know you're getting something very fresh hey we've talked about it on the show we love hello fresh with hellofresh you get pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep skip trips to the grocery store and count on hellofresh to make home cooking easy fun and affordable that's why it's america's number one meal kit uh the holidays are gonna be hectic we all know hellofresh is gonna keep things simple with recipes that cut back on meal prep and clean up so you can spend less time in the kitchen and more time with friends and fam skip them trips to the grocery store man hello fresh offers 50 menu and market items to choose from every single week including vegetarian calorie smart and gourmet options which is gourmet it's fancy providing plenty of variety recipes like balsamic and fig beef tenderloin which i've had phenom pecan crusted salmon make holiday meals feel special without the high cost of dining out or delivery or go for cozy comfort food like chicken sausage and sweet potato soup for a cold winter night and bundle up with your favorite blankie don't forget dessert they also got the sweet tooth seasonal stuff limited time goodies like ginger spiced cake truffles which is me i'm spicy ginger boy and cherry cheesecake swirl bars yum yum uh it's so good so delicious i've been using hello fresh for years now these guys have provided such good meals to my home so i don't have to go anywhere i can just get it delivered to my door and cook we love hello fish go to hellofresh.com badfriends14 and use codebadfriends14 for up to 14 free meals and three free gifts wow that's incredible hellofresh.com bad friends 14 and use that code bad friends 14 for up to 14 free meals and three free gifts hellofresh.com bad friends 14 use the code bad friends 14 for up to 14 free meals and three free gifts hellofresh america's number one meal kit no but you were but you just assumed for some reason that he wasn't athletic well no i just i don't know explain why he doesn't know because he don't even know what you think he does monica why do you think he's not athletic hey man you're making me hey i just you didn't look like you you know what i mean every year at my other account maybe a what accountant maybe well when you said i used to win best athlete who doesn't look like an athlete every year oh see yeah so see you there they know yeah i'm telling you bro i feel it okay what is does doc look at no oh yeah you see how that feels you didn't like that did you yeah assumptions are annoying they're [ __ ] yeah so don't assume okay that was my bad but you look gentle thank you bro i'm sweet i'm glad i look sweet yeah i'm glad i was a [ __ ] mass murderer he used to sell rock in the hood that's cool does he look does he look if if he was like no man i used to sail would you believe it if he said it like that well that's what he said you don't look like when you told us that you used to sell i didn't believe an ounce of it oh yeah okay because people who sell them no don't you i didn't believe it usually people who sell look tough as [ __ ] that's not true though that's what's the problem that's how you know you don't that's how you got it i couldn't hear you i mean the cops were like he's right there yeah how could you hide it's just like oh they think that all the women that they see on new jack city that's how the crackheads look it's like nah they actually just regular working class people and some of the women look really good on depends on how deep in the rock they are yeah depend on yep yeah if you're in the first couple of months if you're in the the first year yeah the honeymoon stage of a crack yeah you're gonna smoke crack no dude i think if you sell enough at some point you're going to try yeah i understand that you're going to try what why because it's around and you and it's curiosity and boredom once once what are you selling these working-class people exactly what am i selling these working-class people and what were you selling them correct and never once oh very [ __ ] never but why would you it's this don't make it when you i guess because y'all ain't never sold but when you're around people that [ __ ] smoke crack if you look at them like i'll never do this [ __ ] yeah that's what it's like i know but the hue but the but the human experience has a lot of uh we like to we like to try things that are going to hurt us anyway we like self-destruction i know you're different you're different open another gift i don't i think we're supposed to let these burn out all the way isn't that the whole deal uh yeah but i mean it no no but i'm saying don't you let one burn out before the other one goes this is is that a double double so you like one candle at a time or you light all of them at this point you light one every night you like you light one and it burns out but we don't have time this is why oh my god what is it marathon marathon man dvd ooh marathon man on dvd i've never seen this movie are you serious oh my god it's such a good movie it's good and is that the cd that goes along with the soundtrack streisand my mother's favorite artist barbra streisand is essential yeah apparently my mom says she is the most incredible voice of anyone ever that's not true at all but she is a great singer yeah there's no way she could have the best voice of all time she's known as a pretty distinct vocalist it's phenomenal yeah but like what about like i don't know aretha franklin yeah it depends on what genre of music you listen to but what is she she's considered what what's straight jewish she's considered jewish music [Laughter] somebody goes what kind of music do you play she's like jewish like i got it i don't know what she is i think i know that there was like a show tuned past didn't you do like yentl or fiddler on the i don't know um i'm gonna say yes yeah i'm just gonna say yes yeah that's kind of like how comedians used to do the the cat skills you know like the the what do they call it market i'm so ignorant yentl film yeah there you go there she is yeah look at her beautiful eyes what else is there anything else beautiful do you like just her eyes she's shaped like a what like a boy it seems in this movie i don't like you yeah give me a good picture of of barbra streisand that's a good look did you find her attractive so your mother was obsessed with it did you find her attractive when you were a kid no i i never know because she always felt very motherly and like and then i'm seeing her in the movies like meet the [ __ ] or whatever right my one of my goals in life is to get my mom meeting barbara like that you know how can we not make that happen i feel like that's so easy to do well as famous as you are as connected as you are i'm not gonna reach out and be like hey can i bother you and have you meet my mom why would you let me let me say this knowing what you know yeah about sweet jewish women like your mom why wouldn't she want to meet your mom she would want to but it's just you know i need i need to be like at an event or like there needs to be some sort of like right we need we need to like create pigeonhole this thing yeah we need to make it out where it's like barbara yeah he won't believe that my my mother is it yeah when you get around the show have my mom come here i was just going to say why don't you put her do the surprise type of thing speaking of people can't stop asking me if we're going to do the show again it's almost annoying yeah and i tell them no yeah we're done we quit we retired like i said i've generated enough wealth to take off it's well and you're not you're not alien wealth but you're getting there yeah we are going to do the show again oh we're going to do the show people stop it please stop can't stop won't stop yeah we're gonna do 50 seasons yeah i don't know man i never found her attractive i remember my mom like i think you're too beautiful really oh my god i'm not for me that's picture so for me i love her i guess she was okay hair and her hat and her i'm so into that picture did you find her attractive uh doc she was just like a couple drinks in a couple people couple drinks okay yeah he needs a little bit of intoxication nice little necklace like just light and subtle yeah sure but i mean you know her eyes are like piercings yeah blue beautiful they're beautiful yeah i love her in that picture you know look she's like she's jewish she's like what she's jewish right i was over here thinking again i said baby yeah yeah she's also from iowa iowa city just like the beastie boys you've got to be from new york but you [ __ ] with me tino yes 100 of course get real all right give me bring bring some of the jewish terms up so we can teach doc because doc doc needs learning all right do you know what a bubby is do you know what that is no what the [ __ ] you can read it oh grandma you never heard that before nana you give him one he doesn't stop can you call your grandma bobby no uh both my grandmothers were dead before i met before i was born oof yeah really yeah why uh just death cancer uh old age my cancer and i guess old age i don't know why the because that's quick to die i mean uh your parents weren't old when they had you no they they both died like like 60s 70s yeah you're not gonna lie right before i know i'm 38 and out brother this is it yeah 38 and out like it's a route cowboy hitch right 38 out i had a grandmother who who really acted and treated me and she was a wonderful woman yeah um but i called her by her first name what was her voice jean's a great name you're my mom's name too uh yeah wow so call if i call my grandma by her first name she's so mad at me i call my parents by their first name i would have been knocking you do yeah like i can't yeah you call mom yeah ma uh what do i call them it's so weird yeah mom and then daddy-o pop uh or that's cool daddy and pop are so much or whatever i'm mad about he called me yesterday my great i'm not doesn't like us calling her by her first name we have to call her auntie auntie's great first and then her name i'll tell you what's not jewish is auntie yeah you can't do that in the jewish community no well what happens you just it's just not that's just like it's uh first of all auntie 100 percent is a black term you do orders even just whites don't do it yeah whites don't do auntie no wait a minute if you watch like uh desi porn some of it has like auntie in there wait so watch what i see porn like when you google desi porn like from pornhub that's it it's india porn so they have like he teaches me stuff jesse auntie porn is a real that's a thing like uh i don't know i just look up desi and then you don't be weird just tell them no i'm telling you straight up i'm telling you straight up desi is like indian porn but desi means what what does desi mean i have no clue all i know is look up jesse if you just type in indian porn you'll see titles like desi auntie desi desi this they see that so then i'm like oh okay desi is a word used to describe people culture and products of an indian subcontinent and their diaspora derived from zoom in derived from sanskrit meaning land country dusty traces or specifically the people the country of india pakistan and bangladesh so desi is kind of it's re it's a regional definition of that area of porn there it is right well so now you know you should learn stuff before you join me as far as like locating the porn that you jerk off to because i feel like the process i use i don't understand why everyone does it seems very just i like the algorithm decide for me exactly yeah you go there i click on as much things as i like and then then it says related videos and then you're always for the rest of time i let the algorithm decide so you look you here's what here's what we do you let your cookies match you yeah let my cookies match for me why am i doing the work and it and it does it incredibly the machine is gonna do it better than your brain could ever assemble it probably but i just like your spontaneity of typing in my own [ __ ] and seeing what i get i never what phrases interest you well desi porn that's one of them destiny let's get it you're not just going to a deep rabbit hole have you ever dated an indian girl no i've never dated any girl only latina black and white well there but you but obviously you you sexually so you don't want you don't want anything well it's just i just watch them all i don't discriminate when it comes to porn i know but you said you like this category what i'm saying is are you not are you attracted to indian women in real life no i'm telling you like i literally go through every race oh so this month is that was beautiful you'd be attracted to her yeah yeah that's why i'm happy he likes it yeah in when it's black history month do you only jerk off to black porn do you feel it's like offensive to jerk off to others yeah yeah i wouldn't even google i would go two deci in honor of respect to the black history you know what i'm saying so i would jack off maybe to desi so that i won't offend right oh you feel what i'm saying yeah i'm black you don't jerk off to black porn well we ain't gonna say that i'm just saying if i did if i had that kind of conscience if i had a conscience like that you know what are your search then doc what's your search because we're letting searches man let me i i just told you like i go through the different races right yeah and then sometimes i'm like you know what what these grannies look like right what these brownies like because there's some hot ones out there oh yeah so then i might hit a little paw porn you know what i'm saying fat ass white girls yeah you know always ebony you know you can always go that problem but that's just obvious right is such a great term it's going to be what it is my [ __ ] is simple though i don't like the like the s m i don't like the cuck [ __ ] like the cuckoo [ __ ] is weird yeah i don't like that stuff you know i'm like what is this man i don't even like gang bang porn no no i like just now now you lost me no i'm taking the other car bro i gotta go too much what do you mean i love it it's a fantasy i'll never be a part how like the cameraman always got to be running to see the different action of the day he's busy full-time job man you like it on sticks i like a handheld let's move around let's see it all right i don't like very coordinated um by the way what a hanukkah episode let's open up another game you knew it was gonna go i know of course how could i not third candle i know that the first two haven't burned all the way this is the big the big one what is by the way what night is the night where you really get like probably the best gift i feel like seven or eight oh so coming to the end yeah so at the beginning you get like little tiny max little things then by the end you're getting like an xbox 360. [ __ ] do you remember any of any of the gifts when you were a kid at all i really i i got like the gaming consoles like at the end at the end yeah but at the beginning what is it because i'm trying to it's like it's like little it's like uh [ __ ] like this right it's like tiny little yeah like you yeah like knickknacks figurines like gi joes yeah yeah yeah that's fine clear all that stuff off your desk all the packs i'm trying to remember what is this what did he get you got some great gifts jerry's apartment in seinfeld oh my god that's amazing well who makes this what company funko funko man i love this this would be a great middle hanukkah gift so this is four or five we're a little early yeah oh no you're getting it that's right this is this is the right yeah that's dope for zero i got a bruce lee action figure this is awesome dude do you see this guy i got i got a bruce lee action figure from him yeah he just wants to be a part of it that's a great gift i guess it's stacked because it's i'm only seeing and you know jerry is like of course jewish am i missing something i'm only seeing like the window yeah i know it's the back yeah it's like the little cubby is it just oh yeah this is just one piece you could collect the whole apartment hey man we have a low budget show until we do another season of dave i'm not gonna be able to afford the whole apartment okay i'll take the window and the furnace [Laughter] this is this is this is but you know by the way that is an integral piece of the show this little this little uh computer desk right there with his little where his uh um where his uh coat rack was big moments came from him turning and back to camera from there by the way huge huge moment from there was when kramer came in slaps the money on the table when he said i'm out when they had the who couldn't jerk off there's some really i mean it is so funny to see this show shaped so much of my comedic childhood jeff schafer jeffrey i know jeff schafer one of the one of the executive producers and um co-creator co-creator uh on our show is uh one of the early one of the early writers yeah he didn't direct an episode did he of seinfeld i don't think so but he like came up with the the festivus poem festivus was him yeah for the rest of us he uh that's where he met larry and now he does curb with larry too nuts my my favorite episode to this day will always be uh kenny rogers roasters where they switch apartments where kramer becomes seinfeld seinfeld becomes oh yeah that's to me so it was such a good acting job by jerry for the first time because most of the time he didn't do a lot of acting on the show no he played jerry he was bro then he literally became kramer it was it was so good i was like man i wish you did that oh my god the best present you ever got me was the buffy comforter dude it's the best i love it it is the best it's cool it's right nice i love the fabric it comes in so much softer than cotton it's so much more softer uh cotton and it's earth friendly dude it's eucalyptus it uses 10 times less water to grow cotton yeah to grow then cotton no more night sweats andrew get cozy without overheating that's right we've talked about it on the show enough listen up if you don't if you don't don't try buffy yeah we're going to come get it we're going to get you we're going to come back it's 100 plant based design is breathable and keeps you at a comfortable temperature in a way that polyester and down-filled comforters cannot it's cruelty-free it's hypoallergenic it's high thread count shuts out dust mold mites for a healthier sleeping environment it's earth friendly like we said it's softer than cotton why not choose 100 plant-based bedding that's better for you and the earth okay we love the earth we live on it we could try a comforter in your own bed for free if you don't love it return it at no cost which is impossible because you're going gonna love it for 20 off your buffy comforter visit buffy.co and enter bad friends that's 20 off your buffy comforter when you visit buffy.co and enter bad friends policy genius oh my god i love apology genius this holiday season dude it sure knows you it sure knows how to lighten your wallet right for many families december is one of the most expensive months out of the year not to mention is the busiest if you're looking for a fast and easy way to put some money back in your pocket why not reshop your home and auto insurance rates with policy genius policy genius combines a cutting edge insurance marketplace with the help from licensed experts to save on home and auto customers an average of a thousand dollars a year better yet it's simple to use it's easy first you head to policygenius.com and answer a few quick questions about yourself and your property then policy genius does the rest i'll compare rates from over 30 top insurers from progressive to nationwide to find the lowest quotes yep their licensed experts will look at all the ways to maintain your savings including bundling your home and auto policies i can't read their license experts are going to look into all the ways to maximize your savings they're going to bundle your home and auto policies and policy genius if they find a better rate from what you're currently paying they'll get you switched for free and that kind of service has earned policy genius a five-star rating across over 1600 reviews on trustpilot and google hey man so if you're feeling the picture of the holiday season find out how much you can save on home and auto insurance at policygenius.com they save their home and auto insurance customers an average of a thousand dollars a year by reshopping policy genius when it comes to insurance it's nice to get it right the core cast julia dreifus how do you hit that many home runs in your career she's the best well how do you go from that and also and then make veep yeah it's almost impossible to make two massively banger shows yeah i mean seinfeld is arguably way bigger but you know what i mean still but did you ever watch videos she did no i never watched it oh she's like the daughter of a billionaire you know that right i think i did know that just like you like like the daughter she's so funny it's beyond i made her break one time it was like the moment of my career that really making her and larry laugh are the two biggest moments of my career the curve making him break in the room if that happens again i'm getting vershnook over here i know how the pin would work you just push it into your hair and clip uh i just made up a jewish word a yiddish word i'm getting versh-nooked over here you know easy it would be to make it it's so easy to make up jewish words you want me to do it for you yeah like a real jew i know what i'm doing oh hilarious oh oh it's a snap cool well you don't have sisters so you don't wear you i never wear you no you my synagogue it was like you want to wear it and i'm just like no why not why not i think this is great fancy love that covers up his voice i don't like wearing hats like i'm not a big hat you know you know you love it fans huh i love it it works better than keeps he doesn't need to take pills to keep his hair anymore he's just going to wear yamaga just become jewish yeah i gotta tell you the problem with it it's just if i had the option it's like do you want to wear a watch today or no watch i would not wear a watch you know it's the same okay yeah but watch this religious connotation no this is pretty but they want they aren't like put it on if they were like put your armor on i would do it they'd be like do you want to wear one it's very uh uh casual it's very jewish yeah it's very jewish to be like yes no fine no big deal that's such a jew it's such a sweet jewish way about with catholics it's like you hey you're going to get baptized and you're going to drink the blood of christ and eat his body yeah you're going to like it and you have to line up and you have to feel weird and bad about it yeah and then the kids were always in line we're always making jokes the whole time we're always [ __ ] on it yeah and you know the dad is like hey cut it the [ __ ] out yeah that happens that doesn't happen in the synagogue no chance no just warm and warm smiles because there's nothing that serious there huh we have to get up and do sit hit [ __ ] sing and if you don't sing yeah but if you don't sing your dad yeah my dad would be like hey [ __ ] you'd be mad if we were [ __ ] off were you going to church every week no not every we never went every week yeah it was impossible as a kid because lives happen and you know what i mean what a time suck it stinks yeah and it's it's football oh my god it always bothered me as a kid like if the bears if if the bears were playing in the morning games we're [ __ ] up we're [ __ ] up we're missing all of it i have to go to church unless unless they wanted to go to early service and then if we got really early then we can knock it out and make it did you go to church yeah yeah i do you care to expand on it at all there's some chocolate in this [ __ ] yeah that's right yeah yeah yeah damn you know all jewish money is chocolate now probably i i i kick it with y'all with you yeah i'd kick it with you all of y'all if y'all money was talking you know i like uh no [ __ ] me they stink super long the singing is but the singing is wise right right people are excited yeah yeah they're excited no one's falling asleep there yeah every time i went to church as a kid we fell asleep yeah but i mean even the kids even the kids can be entertained it's two or three hours it's fun like it's like this guy is doing like armageddon type of preaching you like bro the goddamn game is on armageddon come on bro it's too long they sometimes they did you ever get in trouble when you went to synagogue uh yeah what happened did you guys like did you run off and do some dumb [ __ ] yeah one time the basically i've been going to hebrew school for like five years and then you get bar mitzvahed and then it kind of ends so there was like a last day of hebrew school and it's like the last day of school every year but like the last day of like high school it's like you know there's so many years i've gone so the last day of school of hebrew school i got kicked out of class for like talking too much to my friends you know oh that but nothing bad no well then okay here it is i was just so annoyed that like this is the last day i put in so much time and energy into the hebrew school which is not something i'm particularly passionate about but i did it with a good open mind and i feel like i got the right values and i feel like i was a good boy and they kicked me out just for being too loquacious on the last day yeah i kicked the screen that's like dieting i kicked the screen and i got the [ __ ] out of there taught them yeah yeah so and i and i i i have been back but when i go back i feel bad about the screen how funny you should bring a screen you should bring the screen as a gift i feel bad i'm sorry i shouldn't have done that but uh that's not that bad you're a good dude man yeah that's not that they were good they were testing me you you're catholic right huh you carefully yeah okay but it's we're talking about this right now today i'm jewish okay i feel like sometimes i get asked if i'm jewish because there's a lot of hasidic jews with red hair there's look up redhead hasidic jews there's a there's a high population of redheaded jews in israel apparently but i had no idea yeah look at these guys national redheaded day the history of ginger jews click on that the history of look at these guys look at these look at these guys gorgeous bro though look at that what are they what are those called what are the chaos chaos that dude's past is [ __ ] lit so that's the ones that uh that's what i don't like it's electricity is that not me i feel like that's me it could be that's me foreign two down is you look no one below that that guy no no to the right that is you yeah there i am oh [ __ ] god damn that's your doppelganger is that this this must be a guy a famous guy because look at look at the first picture of him again too click on the first picture also me who's the israel activist yahooda glitch oh no shot and wounded i got clipped yeah oh hell yeah click on that let's see what happened in the wall street journal i was wounded in israel israeli activists you heard a glick bro you heard a glick you hit a glick out here in these streets shot and wounded he got clapped oh this was a long time a street cruise you got to grow a beard like that that's legitimately me that looks exactly right yeah bro i have that same nose the shape of my nose is long deep like that yeah it's got the same kind of little hair flip same hair flip dude that's me 100 they asked me if i was jewish when i was walking through the old neighborhood when my buddy used to live off of like pico pico uh boulevard yeah pico and like olympic yeah i know yeah right down there oh yeah yeah yeah pico beverly yeah i mean you you don't you didn't look jewish to me before today but now i see with the yamacon like i believe that you could be now i'm selling it yeah we should next season on the show we should i should i should you wore one in the i did i did on the bar mitzvah episode but next season i should get the instinct to just take it for a while look it's something i want to do and i get we get into a fight because i'm mad you're not jewish enough yeah yeah yeah that's right that's right i'm like i'm like i started speaking to you yeah that was funny i'm like don't uh i'm making up yiddish words as i go don't kill me okay you're you're really getting under my skish all right let's light another candle and open a gift baby it's goddamn spanish it's killing me literary yep yeah we do oh by the way the candles is a great uh oh what is it who is steven spielberg who is steven spielberg i'm interested oh that's a great deal that's a great book i don't know i don't know much about jurassic park woody allen and woody allen okay a king of the jewish film community yep yeah isn't he your favorite fancy my favorite he loves woody allen and he hates jews so that's a good balance woody allen he's been slipping up okay then put the spielberg on top he doesn't slip up at all put him on top there you go assistant this guy's makes bank all he does is make bangers yeah spielberg to the jews is spielberg to the jew to the jewish film community yeah is you know scorsese to yeah to the to the whops yeah well i can say that because i'm a watcher i'm half whop what do you mean yeah i'm half [ __ ] he is though the way that italians treat scorsese is the way that i feel like everybody treats spielberg but he is a king of the jewish but he hasn't really made a jewish film has he who wants to see those yeah chandler's list what are you talking about spielberg it was spielberg yeah spielberg directed schindler's list yeah are you joking are you are you serious i am serious yeah man yes yes oh we got the most iconic that movie is so good hey man look upstairs and that's it turn your q okay so he's actually made a ton of jewish films um an american tale that definitely was not stephen spielberg why isn't americans awesome schindler this was incredible it was like one of the greatest films yeah did it win oscars oh yeah how many i'm saying all of them didn't win all of them i loved it best picture best picture i know best director what else cinematography never mind he did it sorry stephen yeah really really he asked you to turn in a jew card like you guys get cards jesus christ doc no you know what i'm saying look at that oh my god schindler's list clipped all those that's 12 academy awards no he he won seven i think one seven got nominated 12 times yeah how the [ __ ] are we not nominated for anything how the [ __ ] are we not i'm sick of this nonsense yeah what the [ __ ] are we talking about i don't know how the next season we don't get nominated for anything well you know i i feel like these seasons deserve nominations so it's like but you can't go back no but so i've just kind of like you can't put stock in it because you know well i've said this pretty publicly i don't really like that stuff anyway and i know that's not good to say but i don't care about it but for your sake i want it for you yeah do you know what i mean i don't really doesn't do anything for me but i want it for you just because i'm like i don't get it yeah didn't give us a nod huh didn't even give us another what other comedy show is hiding like that well look we're in a weird gap time because our show kind of came out after award season we didn't we you have to hasn't been up for emmys yet no it can't be because it's off it'll be up next year we're basically like yeah it will be it could be up next year yeah yeah but it's so long gone at that point i don't know that's how i don't know i don't really know how it works well fancy notes isn't that right fans yep yeah we're too kind of like we're too out of the realm of like you've got to be pretty close to that's why a lot of those shows like huh but i thought it was like because timing is everything in hollywood so once you're not being spoken about is the reason that a lot of films get nominated especially in the emmy category not oscars that academy words is different but emmy's is mostly because it's timing it's buzz it's hype it's why succession is like on fire and everybody talks about it's like it's a perfect timing it's like an amalgamation of like timing and culture and our show existed in an in the off season i don't really think there's any excuse you could make for it to not yeah no i don't i don't i'm on your team i'm saying the i'm giving the logistics of why okay but i thought you live do you watch succession by the way i love it it's funny do you say that i love it because i used to be in love with it and now i'm i'm waning i'm just getting a little are you caught up oh i haven't seen the final episode this year i thought the last one you've seen yeah last episode the last one you've seen the second last is the best episode of the series of the series period i couldn't agree more we literally both said that yeah because the episodes ensuing prior to that were not so good like there was a lot of foot dragging and nicholas braun huge fan yeah causing greg [ __ ] succession is great it's a great show you don't watch any of that no i don't even know what that is guess what succession is just guess based on what we said secession is uh it's definitely a white show no no no no there's uh yeah there's a couple of scriptures probably there's no non-whites on that show there's literally no non-whites there's some where the uh the dad's like wife who's like gone she was like in the beginning and then she's gone she was killed in the beginning she wasn't killed but they get it they stay split up it is it is an incredibly white show well but look at the look at what we're talking about yeah okay when that happens do we need to do something like when the candle completely burns out pray to your god brother do you don't you guys don't say anything when the candle's done do you wait for it to burn out or you just go to bed go to bed ah that seems like reckless no you probably like my parents probably a little check like you know no but i mean you there was no there was no like nothing to say you go there you light the candle you say the prayer when you light the candle you get the gifts and then how long is the prayer 30 seconds can we say any of it do you know any of it look it up let's say that i saw the words i might have myself such a bad judy wait a minute can you next album hold on don't say it without us lighting it all right here we go all right i'm going to light this you're going to open up a present ready ready here we go who's asher's kid that's what it is that's nice blessed blessed are you our god ruler of the universe who makes us holy through your commandments and commands us to light the hanukkah lights oh look at that it's an adam sandler a towel or blanket how fun is that it's a sandler blanket give it to me let me show you oh that's there's fire right there this is great what a jew [Laughter] what it meant yeah look at all the titles what a story career huh i said what a storied career sandler is the [ __ ] goat there's the [ __ ] yeah i think he's such a [ __ ] he is he is the [ __ ] man i love him he's so he is so dope he's done the thing where it's like someone's like oh his newer movies aren't did you want him to make teenage humor up into his 60s that's insane yeah and i think he has his credit done a good job of like sprinkling in like the a few great movies like you know what i mean dude drunk love yeah but but i mean spanglish yeah what about what about the new the movie that came out what's the movie just came out what's wrong with me i don't know the dad that he's the jeweler where he's the judge oh uncut james fire was good but that was i think it was more of a judd production but it was still great yeah but i'm saying like he was a great actor he's a great look at these points he's a really good actor also zohan underrated underrated funny people clicked jack and jill billy madison happy gilmore are like the two other two knockouts water boy was great yeah water boy was great wedding singer was phenomenal nominal 51st dates is one of my favorite all times 50 first dates say that again say it again 50 first date is one of your favorite of all time yeah respect doc respect big daddy big daddy phenomenal yeah i love bulletproof yeah i did i loved it yeah it's okay look the guy made so many bangers and i hope you do sleep with this because i think this is an awesome gift i played basketball with him one time over at uh sony i mean yeah yeah i played up on that chord yeah and i liked it he's good he's competitive i remember thinking like we started playing and like really quickly into it it was two on two and he put his shoulder right into my chest and i thought i like this man yeah he hoops he's not gonna go soft on you especially another young jewish man he's got a whole bureau in his office with basketball shorts like he pulls out a drawer and it's like just yeah because he wants to hoop at all times yeah it's cool so do y'all have like uh a bloods and crips of like the jews where like certain jews don't like each other you know one one type don't like the other type jews the thing about jews is that they're really don't do that they repent let me have a moment do y'all have bloods and crips for jews i mean insane are there gang subsets of jews those are gangs and crips one of the good strengths of the jewish community is that they really do like band together and elevate each other that's [ __ ] duck the uh are there blood the ones that don't like electricity are they amish people yeah that that has nothing to do with jesus orthodox jews maybe and i think that they're okay oh you're talking about you're talking about like on shabbos and stuff like that they're they're they're not like uh you know enemies with the ones who are less religious okay they don't that's just like saying you have to have a family member you have to have an auntie that's like crazy religious right she doesn't care that you're not crazy religious you're just you just it is what it is yeah that's the same [ __ ] yeah poker hasidic jews are just much more religious than him they they practice okay he's non-practicing we talk about practice talk about practice but put me in the game put me in the game not in the game yeah not in the game yeah i was watching that live when it happened that's probably one of the greatest moments in interview history yeah that or and for people you do you know what we're talking about don't you uh where where where did we talk about you talk about practice oh i have ellen yeah yeah yeah yeah ai had a great moment about for fans if i hope you've you've seen the clip but [ __ ] me it's just he by the way you know you know what was what was so unfortunate about ai's career in this regard this was kind of a microcosm of what was going on they painted him in this light all the time right even from the high school fight tapes they wanted to picture him as this is what they said in the news they said it all the time thug thug thug but all he was doing was being organically himself and they took it as if it was this thug but it wasn't that was the problem yeah never even went to jail he didn't he didn't do anything that was the craziest part about this and so then this this is another way that the media portrayed him in this bad light where they were like oh and he's and he's too good to show off rep that's not even remotely true yeah the whole thing was a weird lie the media perpetrated yeah it just shows why why if anybody besides trump i've said this before anybody besides trump coined the phrase fake news it would have weight in our community because the news is full of [ __ ] they do these kind of things but trump said it to aid his opinions yeah and it [ __ ] up the truth because the truth is yeah news is fake fake news is real this was fake news he didn't skip practices he wasn't this delinquent he was a great team member all they loved him yeah but this made him out to be this they wanted to paint the nemesis iverson i wonder if he's got to be a hero of yours oh my god i was saying i wonder if i'd even be a rapper if it wasn't for allen iverson like growing up in philadelphia at the prime of his career like i was 13 getting bar mitzvahed when they were going to the nba finals like putting out albums in between seasons how fun was that so fun it was kind of looking back on it's reckless remember when lachelle shriel put out spinners remember when spinner like yeah latrell made made whimsical thing it was very reckless to put out albums while you're in the playoffs yeah i mean i don't care at all but the language he used in some of the songs is insane for like uh like an nba player but i guess good for him well i'll be honest with you i was mad when he got traded to the pistol i'm like [ __ ] why y'all pick him up i'm like yeah it's not wow fit the pistons let me see some of the lyric what song do you remember running the song from his album i know his name was jules j j e w he rapped in a really interesting way like a like a staccato-y he was he was what he was he was jordan to you for me because growing up in chicago it was wild to have jordan was like i i didn't appreciate it until i got older i didn't know any better how could i have known all right go ahead doc why don't you wrap this for us because we know that you can do it [Laughter] wow i say that i say i say that i say that with so much sarcasm because there's a real rapper in the room but i need doc to do this in front of dave because i want to see how he feels about it for the year 2g round let me give you a chance okay [Music] g the rap game changed for one name jules aimed to slain anything on this plane remains are found when the best kept secret got heated you went platinum with the ghost rider so in the game you cheated who was he talking about i don't know that's interesting who is he who is he shooting at i love when when uh kobe and shaq were right like and and when shaq won and he was like kobe how's my ass tasty you gotta they i just love chakra shack rap too you know who's a really good rapper uh is um he's on the hornets uh what the [ __ ] is his name he's one of their currently jerry moore no he's uh first off damien lillard is a great rapper um is he yeah damien literally yeah wow damn dalla but uh who do you think would be the worst rapper in the nba who would be the most trash you just instinctually like ennis cantor you know i wanna hear dennis schroeder wrapped just because he's got that smooth yeah that's why i mean i want to hear his little german his german twang kobe kobe made a rap i think it was rest in peace we won't say anything about it yeah it was what about shaq what do you feel about it was a shack shaq was so garbage it was unbelievable it was technological there was something else did he yeah shaq and biggie had a song looked that up yeah [ __ ] the problem with shaq is he sounds like he's on pills that's because because he's always so big or slow shaq and notorious big can't stop that oh i remember this can't stop the rain i remember this song i do remember that song that this is an obvious had an incredible career this is a bump he's still killing it yeah yeah he's he's probably my favorite commentator in sports history those dudes are the greatest i love that show oh my god when him and charles go at it it's literally the show the show should just get rid of ernie no effect but just make them ernie sure as a balance i love characters just give me a show with those two guys going kenny is key i left they're they're great they're great kenny i like i love you oh come on candy man you yeah y'all know what you're talking yeah love you sound like me right he kind of sounds like you my my my charles barkley is doc oh come on kenny kenny he does have that little southern twang yeah come on kenny have you there's one guy who does the best charles you can't uh oh i know i know who you're talking about i've seen that guy yeah it's crazy it is really really it's almost perfect yeah shaq is too hard because it's too deep and guttural well sure go ahead do it like you please the thing that i'm seeing out there and i can't believe that you're talking inside of lebron can't do it lebron can't do it barbecue barbecue all right open up another gift papa let's do it ooh this feels cloth-like these are a great gift by the way these let's give a shout-out to pete say that pete shout out to pete for some some of the most dope gifts what have we got putting their work in getting those gifts oh it's a shower curtain oh which you must use at your new home we must have here let dad open it for you shut up papa you don't want papa to open it wait a minute a shower i have a really good shower curtain right now it's breasts it's just boobs yeah it's like a cartoon boobs it's cool those are the rings and let's see what the curtain is let me stand up and show you here let me have it so i can you can see it i got a funny story with a curtain in judaism i'll tell it after what the [ __ ] oh that's good it's called an ape yeah oh that's cool it's fun that's a great shower oh that is a great shower oh my god what a great review okay really good there man it's dope can i tell you something on this show we do give gifts i've never gotten gifts this good no man so they're obviously showing a little bit of favoritism at my bar mitzvah speaking of curtains so first my bar mitzvah i'd gotten sick the week before and i was like emaciated like i had lost like 20 pounds right flew far i don't know i just flew game but all i know is i'm doing this you know i'm on stage and you know you do the reading or whatever and like my whole family all my friends are in the audience and i had this one kind of like really like quirky aunt sandy everybody has a quirky and sandy i've got two of them and the rabbi was like you know very hypothetically he was like so where is god and my aunt sandy in the middle of the service stands up and she goes he's behind the curtain in the middle of the thing i've never it's like shocking if god was like i'm right here he is behind the curtain yeah i mean metaphorically he is where is aunt sandy now dad yeah she's behind the curtain no you hit the yeah yeah yeah i have to hit a left right and i shouldn't do that in front of a jewish that's kind of weird is this weird to do this in front of you no i like it i think it makes you feel a little tingling i think of baseball do you feel a little tingling right now if i keep doing this i'm on a grass field you know what's so funny this means i don't even this means nothing to me because i'm not religious yeah when i see people do that on the plane every time i take off on a plane flying every single week to do shows every time really you see it every time without fail see someone go yeah and you know what's so funny about catholics or christians or whoever that does it they do like in church or whatever you'll see people really do it you know but when it's on a plane they want to it's weird to show publicly how you feel about something but they want to get through it quickly yeah so you'll see someone to see kind of and they hide it they'll go i did it too when uh we had somebody on here doing some oh he blessed himself we had shin lim one of the greatest magicians of all time oh wow come here live yeah and do card tricks and doc really he just had to pray to his god well he said you gotta get rid of them spirits that's how they just bring in them because you know how black people feel about magic that's why we call them little black magic well you know black people get weirded out by magicians they just don't like the way that because what do you think it is you think it's voodoo you know well at first not i know what it is but at first yeah you're like man this dude is messing with the spirits see it's messing with the spirits right so we don't have any connections and [ __ ] like that i just see david blaine doing card tricks and you don't like david blaine at all no remember i said that i thought blame david blaine was black and then y'all correct we yeah you did thank you he isn't he half black he's not we all he's not i know that's what i'm saying that's what i'm thinking what is it puerto rican and italian descent is what it says there okay uh that's why he looks that's why he looks i think it'll say that i'm jewish in my early life i highly doubt it won't huh search wikipedia no dude you were already there just stay on the page and search wikipedia is i bully him through the internet all right let's read david zuma david andrew byrd known as little diggy's american rapper comedian actor he came to promise releasing the music video about it no go down to early life yeah all right here we go born in chetlaham township north carolina philadelphia i grew up in upper middle class jewish family and elkins park neighborhood yeah upper middle class yeah make no mistake about it that's right chetlaham what a what a wild ch chet cheltenham cheltenham chottenham i'm saying it wrong cheltenham what does that even mean cheltenham do you know what it's a reference [ __ ] how did you answer that question what does that mean maybe there was dan cheltenham that founded it you see what happens on the show you get gifts and you learn yeah oh yeah little black magic says weird stuff like are there crips and bloods and juices you don't really know there's he's got there's there's some [ __ ] yeah yeah we go all the way back to egypt right yeah no you don't go back to egypt africa i'm there with you back there the pharaoh do you let me say this even in egypt you guys were born in different parts don't matter very far away yeah that's what it's very far away you know what and i'm on the island and i'm from the island the island ireland island and i'm on the island yeah and that's where we're from and i'll stay on my island you egyptians can co-mingle i'll stay on my cold wet sad pale island you guys get sun and you ruin your buildings with sun i'll stay pale with potatoes i went to ireland very desaturated [Laughter] it's a lovely country but i get why i get why booze i get why people drink yeah it's a tough place it's seattle it was great the difference of seattle seattle and ireland same kind of weather but they it's suicide's heavy in seattle because it's sad we just drink and laugh it away yeah two kinds of culture it's cultural you guys play the long game suicide yeah we die at the very end booze lets us kill us yeah we let booze do the work for us all right open your open your almost last gift oh what is it joan rivers oh joan rivers adult coloring book another famous jewish hero rest in peace rest in peace the joan river she was the best beautiful all right what are you saying over there sometimes he just mumbles [ __ ] he doesn't say anything what an episode of louis she was on that day i mean oh ck had a personal moment i talked to him about it i told him that was my favorite episode with him and john rivers so what did louie say to you he said it was his favorite too huh yeah so you said hey let's do the conversation i'm louie let me get this [Laughter] all right so look i'm louis you're louie i'm like hey what's the comedy story obviously yeah i'm coming story here he was leaving and i said hey you gotta get my car i said uh hey lou i said i've been watching you your show and i said call him yeah that's sweet because you know he was like dude are allowed to give nicknames to people and they have to accept that he calls me tino tino yeah oh i thought you meant i'm your dog like a dog i thought you don't have a dog no you like dog dog my homie yeah when i was a kid tino sometimes mostly santino but go ahead so luke i was like i was like yo i love your show never just wanted to i just wanted to tell you that episode where john rivers said i said man that was my favorite episode he said oh he said that's my favorite episode too that's because what she said in there was just beautiful man it was like [ __ ] don't remember i'm gonna tell you what bro that was [ __ ] it was good it was good oh yeah did he say anything else here he said uh he gave me a tip and then he left great tipper woody tippy hundred 100 and actually 200. huh 200 bucks to park now i'm not a lot probably know you're like he never told me to worry about it me and lou we got a special relationship so don't get mad imagine he'll never ever remember this you know what's funny i want to know how i got past that improv because i followed luke so ian edwards had his show there louis c.k dropped in right right and then louie bumped me and i was in the back panicking and then was like no no no don't worry you'll be able to follow him down i said man because he was killing it i said [ __ ] louis c.k was killing it yeah he was killing me there that was that i think he was surprised like man what a great community he was just ripping this [ __ ] i was sweating like i was in juvenile court right yeah so then the [ __ ] was like so ian said that then i just went up did my thing and then after that that's when jamie because remember jamie flynn yeah i remember you got the dynasty typewriter you came to me he said for now on you gonna be in here and we're gonna book you we we're not gonna be able to give you a lot of spots but know that we we we think you're funny like that and that's great rita what's that because you followed up him well yeah because i went behind him well yeah that's how i got past that theme pro i love going to those places with you i know you we have i love when you i get all the vip behind the scenes you do you get treated like king it's great and everybody wants to come say hi to you because you're as much a part of the comedy world uh as you are the rap world so for us it's i think for comedy fans yeah there's an overlap i mean it's one of it's kind of becomes one of well with you it's one of the same i love watching you up there you like me doing my whole thing you're so great wow come on sweetie make me great this [ __ ] did a great job we went down to san diego balboa theaters 1400 seats what was it yep 1400 seats and uh i said that stock he's nervous we were in the green room he was nervous you were nervous yeah i'm not [ __ ] and i was nervous every show and and i liked it i wasn't i was giving i could t i could feel he was a little nervous i said just do your thing do 10 12 minutes just do your thing he gets out there this [ __ ] i mean it's like somebody inflated the confidence he's like what's up sandy i mean just blew up yeah and he did 20 something 20 [ __ ] right here i said guy first came out i go i forgot doc was black i told him to 10 minutes i knew he was going to [ __ ] up 10 minutes just 30 minutes he's like oh well i don't know what the clock is the clock was right and you know i'm sage it's ready a regular wall analog clock on the speaker i was looking in the back four it was weird to have an analog clock yeah yeah i'm used to digital i was looking for the light and i just kept going i'm having a good time he goes you know i can't perform with no analog clock you know who the [ __ ] i am yeah you know what i'm saying when it was fun to do any comedy in l.a soon not to make plans in the middle of the podcast but no no but but honestly uh i want to come back well yeah we will i'll get you before i go and then and then i'm doing like new year's eve and phoenix and then i have a couple of runs and i end in vegas you should come to vegas and lunch march march yeah all right because i'm doing like three months at the beginning of the year and then i think we'll probably film in the summer something like that so i'm just gapping out the beginning of the year yeah and then doing that until till we go again kiddo until we do our thing all right let me see your last gift right here yeah i'm excited you know the bottom of the pile is there is that the heaviest is there a name for the no it's not there's no like uh this is the abbey singer or whatever but we should call let's name it something now what's it called the what's the what's the last shot martini martini yeah uh okay last gift on hanukkah it's got a sound yet it's got a sound yiddish so it's got to be called act as oct would be uh german well no octa's uh is uh latin german yeah like like crystal right oh what a nice how fun would it happen yeah if you're on the right side of [Laughter] so wait a history let's name it before you open it don't do that let's name it yeah but that sounds spanish but it's yeah it's got a sound it's got to sound yiddish little frame i don't know what the picture is yet oh uh oh i haven't seen it yet i haven't seen it oh [ __ ] classic that's that is awesome pete that is [ __ ] awesome do you know who that is no you don't know who that this is stooge oh yeah no you don't know this i don't know the telethons that this it seems like it's old kids looks old he had kids the kids yeah he had a group of handicapped or disadvantaged kids he had a huge charity for them oh roy rogers [Laughter] i have no idea you don't know who this bro i'll is you i'll give you a hint what's a good hand what's a good hint so we don't give it away uh i got a feeling you're gonna tell me his name and i'm still not gonna know who it is yeah you don't know this is gonna be impossible for you not to know what you think no little black magic knows no question i've heard of this guy's name with dean martin undoubtedly dean martin i've heard of he was one of his best friends come on guy bombs away from the chandelier throwing bowls he did comedy and music together they did shows for ever tv uh what's a good what's a good uh dancing hint without giving it away fans the original nutty professor yeah that's probably one of the best you love nutty professor eddie's version don't you yeah this is the original eddie did a great job should we give him the initials do you want to hear it yeah start with the initials jay yeah last initial hell jl john lennon jackie jl it's not john levitz uh let me give you the first the figure out the first to figure out the first name would be uh lead singer of the grateful dead jerry jerry jl jerry lewis yes okay jerry lewis jerry lewis i have names do you know who that is name recognition with jerry lewis that's how i was able to guess jerry lewis but i have no clue what he what you know you don't know his legacy no pull up a little i mean yeah we can know we can pull up something about jerry lewis funniest dudes out there in the streets i don't like much before more physical he was more of like a physical actor okay so he was uh so he was so physically wacky and goofy he was look look at that the picture of the guardian yeah exactly that that right uh he was so wacky and but also so so smart and funny it was shockingly good i mean he was i watched some clips today i call home and all of he was a caricature and he was unbelievable and bro there's probably a lot of young fans that don't know that he was there when he was throwing the bulbs do you remember that what what he was doing on top of the chandelier and he was throwing the bulbs and hitting everything oh yeah yeah yeah one of the funniest uh why can't i think of that it's called uh damn it i don't know man he was just so good at transforming into these these wild characters at the end of his life he kind of became the an angry curmudgeon it was kind of that happens to every joke i know but this guy his got pretty bad his was kind of like look i understand that when when comics get to end their life they kind of turn that's why they say like uh chubby chase is kind of a little moody and yeah it's like i think at the very i wonder if larry david is gonna go the other way get nicer and nicer yeah get sweeter and sweeter and sweeter because you know you're coming at the end yeah because he's always how do you think you're gonna you're gonna do i'm a grump now yeah so i'm thinking i'll probably get sweeter because i'll get more perspective i've gotten more loving and open-hearted as time has gone on with stuff just because you get older and you start to smell the roses you start to smell well yeah well you also smell that like you smell the roses i smell the roses yeah i start to smell what's coming is what i mean i know that it's like the end isn't super far away you're getting older i've got a lot of life to live yeah you're like a young but you know what i mean is like you start to realize that like things don't matter as much yeah there's not enough time to complain about it's like who gives a [ __ ] about a lot of the stuff you can't control yeah my roof leaked this morning so what well that could be a huge deal though it was a nightmare yeah but it's like after complaining and bitching and like doing what i could i was like living it up what yeah the movie literally it says it right there living it up let me tell you something if nothing else his timing is impacted i thought he was just telling you no he wants me to live it up yeah he lives it up he lives that he lives a [ __ ] happy life he is you feel content in life don't you yeah yeah if i was if i left right now i'm good wow isn't that is that insane it's beautiful his disposition is how old do you think doc is ah i'm going to guess like 38. how old are you doc 48 oh wow just turned 48 wow yeah there should be a new phrase the black don't crack thing is not a good phrase it's got to be like it's got to be something better than that it's not don't crack because you do have some age lines without a doubt yeah you're cracking you're not that grey no he's kept all of his hair really nice yeah you don't dye it either do you no yeah it's like it looks like it's about to turn grey but it just like doesn't seem to turn great doesn't it doesn't feel like turning hold on yeah you got any gray do red heads go gray we just kind of go bald you just like go it falls out and it goes a little bit lighter and then just gets out of there i have i there's one gray strand down here i'm starting to get gray in my are you afraid to go gray uh it just it's it's it's a sad sign i guess but like i think cosmetically it might make me look better if you go gray just like salt and pepper i think is a good look on it salt and pep does look good but but salt and pepper and curls i've never seen salt and pepper all right well let's let's say happy hanukkah guys what a drink uh uh if you here's to what i'm trying to say i'm not about these guys it doesn't apply to them they don't have to get behind this but if you're a young jewish kid and all the kids in your neighborhood have christmas trees and you feel alone uh this end of the year just know that we're with you we're rooting for hanukkah if you are able to break into a friend's house steal their tree and light it on fire i'm pro that i'm big on that you know what the jews do on christmas what you go to the movies yeah go to the movies every year i i would go to the movies buy one ticket to a movie stay behind the ticketing thing walk into a second movie see that movie for free hard and then i would go get chinese food and go get chinese food that's your tradition yeah i think some kids should do that at home if you do that guys send it in to us let us know that you guys are going to get chinese food and see two movies but pay for one that's it or c3 yeah you could say i've seen three i have seen three you have i've seen i've done two we've done that where i snuck in and went to the other i've never done three it's great it's a great all the good the best movies christmas yeah yeah what do you think your limit would be four three at three i think is enough three's a lot yeah that's like six seven hours yeah god damn depends on what movies you're watching to me i could sit like if a movie is good the longer the better like a three hour great movie is better than an hour and a half great movie for me what's what's the what what yeah what's the binge of hours have you ever watched movies back to back right now like i've spent there was one week where we got uh shut down for covid yeah on the show and i just spent a week like watching european films and i would watch i would watch like five movies a day wow can you name some of the films because i know fancy knows almost all of them um my favorite one was the prophet you know the prophet fans yeah awesome movie yeah yeah awesome movie this guy is a movie database yeah i watched a lot of i watched like um french thomas winterberg's movies like another round and do you know thomas winterberg that's a good movie another round these are these are the film dorks they know all that stuff the darden brothers the dardine naturalistic movies you really like that stuff i love that [ __ ] now what do you have to buy it right you can't no oh yeah netflix right no it depends depends you know you got all these apps like half the times it's like offered on hulu or offer and then it's like you know but worst case scenario you run it on apple or itunes all right well look i love you i appreciate you so much i'm so happy that you're happy that you're healthy and happy honestly i feel like myself for the first time in a while today do you really yeah isn't this awesome it is awesome ah [ __ ] that makes me feel good happy hanukkah to all my our jewish brothers and sisters out there to all our christian brothers and sisters go [ __ ] yourself easy uh it's a joke just relax talk jesus i shouldn't say jesus and don't forget jesus was a jew jesus was a jew yeah you're not a jew for jesus no it was a great episode of curve by the way yeah the jews for jesus what do you feel about the jews for jesus uh to each his or her own no you don't feel that way you really have an opinion i i honestly anyone who believes anything really passionately i'm kind of like how could you like yeah that deeply yeah like how could all this stuff is so like i'm not saying that one thing's not true or another but anyone that could like really passionately totally believe that something is a truth it's like but there's no proof of anything so how it just feels you believe it yeah i just i believe in ignorance that no one knows anything i like that yeah i don't know anything that's all i'm passionate about that no one has any idea what's going on and anyone that claims to know exactly what's going on it kind of is a little off-putting sketches me out but i understand why one would believe something sure believe whatever you want to believe yeah i get that i'm not saying don't believe but i don't like being pushed beliefs yeah no me neither yeah and like we're about to right now happy hanukkah uh thank you for being a bad friend and i want actually why don't you take us out and say uh happy hanukkah thanks for being a bad friend into the into your camera go ahead everybody happy hanukkah thank you for being a bad friend i'll see you next year eight nights [Music]

Channel: Bad Friends

Views: 1,174,752

Keywords: bobby lee, andrew santino, podcast, bad friends, comedy, tigerbelly, whiskey ginger, 2 bears 1 cave, ymh, tpw, Bobby lee andrew santino, tkats, hey babe, bobby lee podcast, andrew santino podcast, lil dicky, hannukah, christmas, holidays, jews, rap, hip-hop, dave, dave burd, tom segura, bad friends live, fancy, best comedy podcast, theo von, your moms house, joe rogan, trash tuesday, monday morning podcast, erik griffin, fancy b, the king and the sting, doc willis, Barbara Streisand

Id: 5ki74WEcstk

Length: 89min 51sec (5391 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 20 2021