Christ In The Home – Children & Parents | Colossians 3:20-21 | Pastor John Miller

I want you to look at it with me as I read it verse 20 and 21 Paul says children obey your parents in all things for this is well pleasing unto the Lord verse 21 father's provoke not your children to anger lest they be discouraged there's an old Chinese proverb that says one generation plants the trees and another gets the shade I like that I believe that as parents you are planting trees for the next generation for your children to live under their shade but the question is what kind of trees are you planting in the context of Colossians 3 there's some important ingredients for us to have a Christian home and I want you to notice them in verse 15 Christ must be ruling in that home let the Peace of Christ rule in verse 16 the word of Christ should be dwelling let the word of Christ dwell in you richly and then in verse 17 and this kind of controls everything that we read in this passage he says let the name of the Lord be glorified whatever you do in word or deed do all in the name of the Lord Jesus giving thanks to God and the Father by him now I preached this passage many times but for the first time I've been really impressed to realize that I think verse 17 is really the key to understanding the whole passage that we let the name of Christ be glorified if the name of Christ is to be glorified verse 18 we need to have wives that are subject to their husbands as it is fit in the Lord for the name of Christ to be glorified verse 19 we need to have husbands who love their wives and are not bitter against them for the name of Christ to be glorified we need to have children verse 20 who obeyed their parents in all things for this is well pleasing to the Lord for the name of Christ to be glorified verse 21 we need to have fathers or parents who provoke not their children to anger but bring them up as Paul says in Ephesians in the nurture and admonition of the Lord that is the kind of the motive of the Christ centered home first Christ in our hearts and then Christ in our homes and that his peace is ruling his word is dwelling and his name is glorified and this morning we come to God's Word to children and parents verse 20 and 21 let me say a few things before we unpack these verses the Bible says in 2nd Timothy 3 verses 1 to 5 Paul said know this that in the last days perilous times shall come and Paul goes on to list a lot of characteristics of the last days I want to point out two of them that are mentioned in that passage it is disobedient to parents and without natural affection or literally that would be without family love isn't it interesting as we witness the demise of the family in America that God actually said so long ago in his word that two things will characterize the last day's disobedience to parents and without a natural affection or without a family love is what the phrase means so we need to turn back to God and to his word and if anyone needs that we need that as believers right we believe the Bible to be the inerrant infallible inspired Word of God this book is unique there's no other book like it when the Bible speaks God is speaking when you read God's Word God is speaking so we're gonna have two things today I want to point out we're gonna have God's Word to children in verse 20 and God's Word to parents in verse 21 and I encourage you to take notes number 1 let's look at God's Word to children go back with me to verse 20 children obey your parents in all things 4 it gives us the reason this is well pleasing unto the Lord now there's several things I want you to know there are children in these Christian homes you say well that's pretty basic pastor Miller why would you point that out I point that out because we live in a culture today that is abandoning the idea of having children that children are a blessing the children are gifts from God that we should want children and nurture children and be thankful for children years ago I went to preach at a church and I didn't know the pastor and I went out to breakfast Sunday morning with him before service and I was getting to know him I said so you married yeah married so you have children us no no no no my wife and I opted not to have kids because we want to serve the Lord and I thought that's that's that's tragic how is not having kids mean you're serving the Lord I mean if you have kids you can't serve God the kids are a distraction the kids are a burden the kids are a weight you know it's not even the non-christian world today it's the Christian world today I think well you know we're gonna have kids but we're only going to have very few because they're really a lot of work and they're really expensive and we really don't want to be burdened with them I think what a sad tragic thing the Bible tells us that children are a gift from God write it down Psalm 127 verses 3 & 4 he says lo children are the heritage of the Lord in other words behold children are God's gift from the Lord why wouldn't you want God to give you a gift why wouldn't you want God to give you children he says blessed is the man that has the quiver full of them a quiver we would put their arrows in and they would have a quiver full of arrows so God wants to bless us now I understand there there there are times when a mother can't get pregnant or they are unable for other reasons to have children and I understand that but as the general principle goes God told Adam and Eve and by the way told him this before sin and the fall he said to do what be fruitful and what multiply and I think that carries on today be fruitful and multiply that's what we're telling our kids because we want more grandkids be fruitful and multiply and replenish our house with children so God gives them children their gifts from God so if you're a parent this morning and we're gonna get to you in verse 21 don't know and understand that those children are gifts from God and times when you're frazzled and you're warned and you're tired and you're stressed out you need to remind yourself these are gifts from God these are gifts from God these are gifts from God I'm having a hard time believing it but there are gifts from God and that's what the Bible says now the word children in verse 20 is referring to underage dependent children so this is not talking about your 35 year old son that still lives at home and mom does his laundry and mom cooks his food and mom does everything for makes his bed this is talking about young age dependent children it says notice this I want you to see it in verse 20 says the command here is children obey your parents now I want you to note that this is a command and it's important for children to learn to respect and obey parental authority at a very young age now again I'm going to get the parents in just a moment but you never start too early you start really early you teach them and train them to learn to respect and submit to the parental authority someone said parental rule is the first circle of authority in God's moral government in this world now there are three features about this command that I want you to notice number one a child must obey continuously a child must obey continuously in the Greek this statement in verse 20 children obey your parents is what's called a present active in Perry a present active impaired and imperative because it's a command present active means that it's on going continually so it could be translated continually ongoingly habitually you be obedient unto your parents now what does the word obey mean well the word first meant to harken at the door to harken at the door that's the etymology of this word obey so you hear a knock at the door you hear the knock and you respond by going to the door and then you hear the statement of command through the door and then you open the door then the word came to mean that came to mean to here under to here under so a obedient child listens under the authority of their parents you know when children are young sometimes they have a hard time focusing sometimes you have to hold their little face and look right in their eyes and say now what did mommy what did daddy just tell you to do you get them to repeat back what you just told them because you want to okay I've seen hurt you know hey go do this too and the kids are like often Spaceland they're not even listening and parents are you listening to me did you hear what I said so a obedient child first listens and then he submits under the authority of his parents and I believe this also involves an attitude in Luke chapter 15 there's an example of that where you have the story the prodigal son who went out and wasted his substance on riotous living when he came home and he was repentant and the father forgave him there was a big party going on he had an older brother and the older brother showed up and he said look dad I've done this and I've done that I've been the perfect son I've never you know wasted anything I've been here doing what you want me to do I've been obedient and never once have you thrown a party for me his attitude was not right in other words he had all of the outward action correct but his heart was not right you know the Bible says God looks at what he looks at her heart so children are to have an attitude of obedience to here under their parents secondly I want to point out that a child's obedience must be toward both parents verse 20 obey or what doesn't just say your dad because he's really mean but you don't have to obey mom she's a pushover it's obeying your parents your father and your mother now I want you to note there that this is taken by Paul from the 10 commandments exodus 12 20 verse 12 honor thy father and thy mother and you know what commandment it is it's commandment number five by the way they're not the ten suggestions of the Ten Commandments commandment number five is honor your father and your mother and I have a little theory I shared first service I'll share it with you the Ten Commandments were given on two tablets of stone and I think my theory and it's a good theory is pretty commonly held and that is that the first tablet had five Commandments and the second tablet had five Commandments five and five now if that's true commandment number five was on the first tablet of stone you say well what's the significance the first tablet of stone dealt with our relationship to God it dealt with our relationship to God no other gods before him not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain and so forth and then it ends commandment number five with honor thy father and thy mother isn't it interesting that the command to honor your parents is on the first tablet of stone which deals with your relationship to God and I believe that that's the case because that your parents are God's representatives in the home that they are God's instrument and representatives in the home to mold to shape to discipline to direct to teach little lives and that it involves their relationship to God honoring and obeying your parents and by the way in the commandments they're in the Decalogue it is your father and your mother now the importance I believe is indicated of the biological father and biological mother now I'm just going to tell you this morning then I'm going to touch some very sensitive subjects I could avoid them I could steer away from them but I felt it's important to do that and I want you to know I try my best to do it with much love and compassion and understanding as I can I understand that there are blended family so lots of blended families and maybe you're in a second marriage and you brought kids and they brought kids and you're trying to come blend them together and I understand that and God's grace is sufficient for you and his strength is made perfect in your situation and God can redeem that situation but the ideal is that a child grow up what's best for children is their biological father and their biological mother and I say that again because we live in a culture today where you know women think that they can have a baby out of wedlock and just be a mother and raise the child without the father and everything's all hunky-dory and everything's ok I don't think anything can be more cruel to a child to do that and it's not God's design it's not God's purpose or the two men could get married and they can adopt a child I don't think that's best for that child I don't think that two men can be married it's a father and a mother and I actually did a little more homework myself this week on the subject and in this passage of Colossians where it says husbands and wives the Greek word used for husbands and wives would indicate male and female as Jesus said in Matthew chapter 19 for this cause a man leaves father mother Cleaves to his wife so marriage is one man with one woman and they have children the natural result is children so what's best for children is that they have parents and that those parents be preferably their biological father and mother and I another reason I say that is that if you're married that should be a commitment and a motivation that if you want what's best for your children then you commit to your marriage if you love your kids then commit to your wife commit to your husband make your marriage work for the benefit of Laurie of God and for the blessing and benefit of your children and I also believe that we have in this passage the importance that parents live in harmony in the home that they be in agreement about discipline and training and rearing their children you have a biological father biological mother they both love the Lord they're committed to one another you have the husband loving his wife as Christ loved the church you have the wife submitted to her husband and then they're committed to their children and they're on the same page when it comes to discipline and going to church and reading the Bible and the things of God but I want you to notice thirdly that a child's obedience is in the passage to extend to all things notice that in verse 20 he says children obey your parents in all things now the word all things actually means all things isn't that profound and Paul is assuming that this is a Christian home and that the parents would not ask the children to do anything contrary to God's Word now the Bible is clear that all human authority has its limitations parental authority is not absolute a husband's authority over his wife is not absolute the government's authority over its citizens is not absolute at the point that the government or our parents or a husband tells his wife to do something that is unbiblical unscriptural immoral or illegal the Bible says we must obey God rather than man amen now we have a higher authority and that we must obey God but if your parents tell you as a young adolescent to clean your room you can't say I must obey God rather than man and I'm sorry God has not told me to clean my room no that doesn't work so the general rule is kids in all things it's funny how kids will pick and choose what they want to obey kids were gone to Disney like get in the car they're in the car if they know you're going to Disneyland they spend the night in the car they're honking the horn come on mom dad let's go there they're ready to go if it's God you know clean the room well I don't know about that or just pick up your toys I don't know about that so in all areas of their lives even Jesus was subject to Mary and Joseph you say well Joseph wasn't his biological father no but Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and favor with God and man and submitted to his friend what Joseph said son let's go work in the carpet shop they wouldn't worked in the carpenter's shop he didn't send no no I'm the Messiah I'm God incarnate doing that he's submitted to his parents now I want you to notice in the text that we have actually the reason for the command isn't it amazing that God would condescend to children and actually give them the rationale or the reason they should obey their parents verse 20 he says for this is well pleasing unto the Lord so he gives them the command obey your parents and all things and then he gives them the reason or the rationale why because it's well pleasing to the Lord again remember verse 17 if you want the name of the Lord to be glorified and you want to please God then you should be obedient to your parents Christian children should want to please God a matter of fact the same kind of phrase is used when Jesus was baptized and God the Father spoke audibly from heaven and said this is my beloved Son in whom I am well well pleased this is my beloved son and whom I am well pleased and if Jesus please the Father in heaven so we should want to please our Father who is in heaven but there's a second reason and that's in Ephesians chapter 6 verses 2 & 3 which is the parallel passage where Paul says children obey your parents and all things for this is well pleasing to the Lord and then he makes this statement in Ephesians he said which is the first commandment with a promise that it may be well with you that you may live long on the earth and there you have it number one it's pleasing to God and number two it brings blessing to your life you know the Ten Commandments the first of the Ten Commandments which is number five honor your father and their mother do you notice the first one with the promise you want to promise is that if you honor your father and mother the promises it will be well with you and you will live long on the earth you know I have scars on my body right now because I didn't obey my parents my face is all scarred up and you know if I wouldn't have done what they told me to do I wouldn't had to get stitches and wouldn't I got all messed up and I should have obeyed my mom and some of you have emotional scars because you didn't obey your parents so many of the hurts and wounds because oh if I would only listen to my parents I wouldn't have gone down that road or gone down that path and so it will be well with you and I think as a general principle children who are obedient unto their parents live a long blessed fruitful and prosperous life it pleases God and it brings blessing into their life now I want to secondly in verse 21 now look at God's word to parents so we have God's Word to children now God's word to parents look at it with me verse 21 father's provoke not your children to anger and he gives again the reason lest they be discouraged now I want you to again notice that God's commands are reciprocal if a wife is to submit to her husband then the husband is to love his wife if children are to obey their parents then parents are not to provoke their children if servants or slaves are to obey their masters the Masters are to give to their slaves or servants that which is just and equal so God is balanced in these commands and then also the commands to the parents elevates children and remember I pointed this out when God told husbands last Sunday to love their wives that that was elevating to women so Christianity does two things that elevates women and it elevates children it also elevates the slaves that were in the worlds at that time that they are heirs together of the grace of life that they're that they're one in Christ that there's no Jew or Gentile bond or free that we're all one in Christ so this is elevating to the children you say well why do you say that in the greco-roman world the child was just a thing you know when a child was born into a Roman household they would actually lay the baby in front of the father and if he reached down and picked it up and he would take the child if he just left the child walked away the child would be discarded if a father wanted to he could sell the baby as a slave he could do whatever he could kill the child they have life and death was in the power of the Father in that Roman world so now Paul writes to these believers in that culture and he says look I want you as Christian parents to make sure that you don't provoke your children to anger and so we have the command now the father's mentioned there in verse 21 is an interesting word in Hebrews chapter 11 verse 23 the same greek word is actually translated parents it's referring to the parents of Moses how they hid Moses saying he was a proper child so many Greek scholars agree that this phrase fathers in verse 21 could be translated parents so he's not just singling out the fathers but let me say this I believe that his dad's that we ought to buck up and man up and we ought to take the lead in the home and we ought to be involved in raising and training and disciplining our children amen we got too many deadbeat dads I think I go to work and I bring home the bacon so when I get home keep the kids out of my sight keep them quiet because I'm watching the game on TV the only time they really talk to the kids is get out of the way get out of the way I'm trying to watch TV it's just too common and if there's discipline to be done the wife does it if there's Bible stories to be read the wife does it if there's things to do about ministering the caking the kids to activities the wife doesn't so we need dads to step up to the plate and be responsible and be committed God put these kids in your care by the way they're on loan to us there's a very real sense that those children are not yours they belong to God and that you were only a steward over those children that God is entrusted to your safekeeping and you're going to give an account to God as to what you did with them so even though this could be translated parents I believe that father's should take the lead and it's important for dads to be involved in their children's lives now I want you to notice the command in verse 21 provoke not your children to anger it is a negative command and again it's an imperative in the present tense it's an imperative in the present tense just as the command to submit just as the command to love now the command to obey now the command negatively do not provoke your children to anger or do not be continually exasperating your children some have stop nagging your kids or don't cause them to lose heart or don't exasperate your children or don't infuriate them cause them to become angry this is what Paul said in Ephesians 6:4 again the parallel passage father's provoke not your children to wrath here in Colossians chapter 3 wrath was to be put off of our lives but sometimes Christian parents even can provoke their children to anger or wrath or cause them to lose heart now what are some of the ways that parents can exasperate their children well sadly it's over strictness when we become legalistic and we put on rules on our kids that you know we're unreasonable we're overly strict or were overly protective secondly you know kids are like a bar of soap that if you squeeze them too tight they're gone if you hold them too loosely they slip right through and you and I know that as parents and you and I that have raised our kids we know the delicate balance you know sometimes you get so frustrated dealing with your kids that when they come to ask you something just say whatever it is that the answer is no I just don't want to deal with it anymore just you know it's just no no no no no and they go well I was gonna ask if I could mow the lawn yes yes yes yes yeah you know your thought they were gonna ask to go out with a car or something like that it's like the answer is no well you know you listened to them don't be overly strict don't be overly protective and sometimes Christian parents make a mistake in this area and the kids become embittered and lose heart and then watch out for criticism and fault-finding don't be overly critical and fault-finding can't you do anything right or you always do it that way or you always make mistakes or can't you get better grades and your fault-finding and critical or maybe you're gonna provoke them to anger by showing favoritism as Jacob did with Joe so you know if you've got multiple kids you need to spend time with all of them equally you need to love them all equally you need to give them attention all equally don't favor one child over another and then sadly many kids are provoked anger because they're neglected by their parents as David neglected Absalom and it built anger and resentment in his heart and he rebelled against his father I think it's important for dads to spend time with their children don't neglect your children and then I would also point out not showing affection and I'm going to get to that in just a moment that you nurture your children you warm them with body heat you hug them and kiss them and tell them that you love them but a child left to itself and not shown affection can grow bitter and then I put this on my list knowing again that it would touch a sensitive chord but divorce embitters kids divorced embittered kids and I realize that sometimes you can't help it and maybe you got a divorce and it wasn't your your wish or your desire but you need to think about that if you're gonna run into easy divorce so I'm just gonna get a divorce or what about your kids oh they'll they'll survive they'll work it out we need to keep them in mind the divorce can cause kids to become embittered or discouraged or lose heart and then last on my list is hypocracy telling them one thing and doing another telling you ought to read your Bible you don't read your Bible you ought to pray you don't pray you got to go to church you don't go to church now no parent is perfect amen parents no such thing as a perfect parent but what I earn urging you to do as a parent is when you make a mistake be willing to tell your kids you were wrong and ask them to forgive you it goes miles I've never known my kids not to forgive me when I said look I'm sorry I'm wrong I shouldn't have spoken to you that way will you please forgive me yes dad I forgive you and you go on from there but too many dads especially and sometimes moms we're not willing to admit I was wrong and you need to tell your kids that and ask them to forgive you and just be committed to being men and women of integrity and honesty if you make a mistake admit it and ask your kids to forgive you and then to move on but notice in our text verse 21 that God gives the reason the parents that they should not provoke their children to anger notice that verse 21 lest they be discouraged now that phrase discouraged their means lest they lose heart or lest they become disheartened or they lose determination and confidence there's nothing sadder to me to say young child that's just discouraged you know childhood should be happy amen should be free from anxiety and worries and kids do have those pressures and went well sometimes parents we stress our kids out we need to make sure that they have that anxiety free childhood but we don't want to discourage them we don't want them to lose heart we don't want them to become disheartened and this is actually God warning parents right now when he says less they be discouraged don't dishearten your child don't take the wind out of their sails don't cause them to lose heart now I want you to note in the parallel passage and if you can turn with me to Ephesians chapter 6 he feeds in chapter 6 and I want to focus on verse 4 in Ephesians 6 which again is a parallel passage where he's actually told children to obey their parents first commandment with a promise that it may be well with you that you may live long on the earth then he tells parents don't provoke your children to wrath but this is what he says verse 4 bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord I want you to know three things bring them up nurture them and it Mohnish them in the Lord this is the for exaggeration this is the substitute for disheartening your kids that you do these three things number one write them down you love them tenderly that's what it means to bring them same word used in Ephesians 529 for husbands are to nourish and cherish their wives it means to warm with body heat your step number one if you're a parent hug your kids kiss your kids tell them that you love them listen to them spend time with them and by the way you never your kids never get too old to hug them and kiss them now they get too old for you to order them around when they get old enough where they can beat you up that's where you just let them go I remember my son Jared he was getting about 11 or 12 and he still wanted to box anyways come on dad let's put on the gloves let's box and don't you beat me up last time I I'm not going there but you ought to be able to still hug them and kiss them and tell them that you love them it's so very important and important for fathers especially to show that kind of affection love to their daughters as well as their sons here's the third positive thing that you need to do with your kids you need to discipline them consistently so number one you love them tenderly number two you teach them or you discipline them excuse me consistently and that's an optimum word they're not only discipline them but you have to be consistent you have to be consistent or you will frustrate them and they'll lose heart and this is seen in the Ephesians 4:6 and the word nurture the word nurture actually means training by discipline generally the Bible actually says that we should spank our children I know that we could get arrested for that nowadays that's what the Bible says that needs to be done properly not in the rage not in the anger you don't just halt and smacking you use the right instrument you apply it in the right spot God's provided a little padding right there in the right spot they know what they've done wrong and what the consequences are and there's that punishment now not all kids need to be given corporal punishment some of them have timeouts I'm going to sit in the corner some of you just look at them and they they freak out you know those are the ones we like but some kids they need a spanking right and sometimes you're in a public place and you're thinking man if you don't spank them I'll spank them for you can I have permission to spank your kid right now oh we don't spank I know you don't spank that's the problem right here right now and it should never be in the public place you should always do it in a private place and there should always be love and affection shown afterwards but the list is so long I can't give you them all but write down these two proverbs proverbs 29 17 correct thy son and he will give you rest that's a great word rest correct my son he will give you rest yes he shall give delight unto your soul then proverbs 13 verse 24 he who spares his rod hates his son but he who loves him disciplines him promptly there's also the proverb that says spare not for his crying for if thou beatest him he will not die I love that verse praise God it's in the Bible they're not gonna die you know you start to spin you're killing me you're killing me I'm not there's a lot of verses on spanking and disciplining your children but it has to be done appropriately that's a whole nother topic maybe for another time but here's the third ingredient in parenting and that is instruct them wisely so you love them tenderly you discipline them consistently and you instruct them wisely Ephesians 4:6 for admonition of the Lord you know what that phrase means admonition of the Lord it means that you're training and teaching and instructing them so you teach your children about God you teach them about the Bible you bring them to Sunday School but it's not their responsibility it's yours it's the parents responsibility to train their children and the things of God start reading them a Bible for their level at a very young age and you bring them to church and you put them in Sunday school and we have Sunday school for kids that their age you know sometimes to bring a young child into the adult sanctuary it's cruel and unusual punishment they'd have to listen to pastor Miller talk about Greek words and it's like on therefore forget I was about three years old and I was in church and I was wiggling or talking or something like that when I was a little kid and usher came up and thumped me I still had problems over that I'm still kind of messed up I'll never forget boom it felt like a bat that dude could thump and jump out it's like whoa yes sir thank you I'm like welcome to church kid this is why we provide children's ministry they hear the word at their level they understand and they can have a cracker and they can have a treat and they can wiggle and they freak out and not be distracting and we're teaching the word to adults so you can go home and teach your children people get upset with this they go oh you don't revival you don't love children you don't let them in the sanctuary jesus said suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not we love children that's why I would provide a whole staff of Sunday School ministry for the children so they won't grow up hating church because they didn't understand pastor Miller I realize they need to transition into adult sanctuary and we're working hard to do that but be careful make sure that you teach them you pray with them you read with them and you lead them in the things of God and dad's pick up your Bible grab your wife's hands and bring the kids and come to church make it a priority make worshiping God an attending service a priority don't let other things get in the way sometimes sports and activities and other things family gets busy and they're setting a bad precedent setting a bad example first things first as for me and my house will serve the Lord amen

Channel: Revival Christian Fellowship

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Length: 40min 27sec (2427 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 27 2017